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LadyGAF Advises ManGAF

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how come i always become uninvolved in relationships after i get laid the first time? well thta's only happened once, we had sex 2 weeks after meeting and all of a sudden i'm not very interested in her anymore. same thing happened with my last gf (minus the sex), once we started dating, i didnt like her anymore. is there a problem with basing relationships off sex? :lol

i should call dr drew
 
PumpkinPie said:
LadyGAF, I've been single for like 5-6 years...feelsbadman.jpg :( I tried this online dating lark about 3-4 years ago and met up with a couple of girls but after they met me they weren't really interested. Now I don't go out or try to meet people, 6 years is a looooong time to be alone, isn't it? I just wish I knew what the problem was. I don't smell or have cooties, I'm an intelligent guy, although quite shy and awkward socially (being alone does that to you, I guess).

Should I just resign myself to being a member of forever alone GAF?
Also, are you rejecting a bunch of girls as well because they do not meet up to your.. "standards"?
If you met up with girls 3-4 years ago with onlin dating, then why did you give up on it? Seems to have worked at least twice. Just keep working at that!

Being shy and awkward will make it harder to attract girls if you're not already physically attractive, but that won't necessarily prevent you from finding someone anyway.

How old are you?
You probably have many more years of chances before being forced to resign yourself~!


balddemon said:
how come i always become uninvolved in relationships after i get laid the first time? well thta's only happened once, we had sex 2 weeks after meeting and all of a sudden i'm not very interested in her anymore. same thing happened with my last gf (minus the sex), once we started dating, i didnt like her anymore. is there a problem with basing relationships off sex? :lol

i should call dr drew
You're probably just to ready to have a relationship. Or you're going for the wrong girls/not looking for a girl that you actually want to be in a relationship with.

You should probably just be more straighforward with future girls and say you're not looking for any-thing long-term or are just mostly looking physical relationships. stop leading ladies on. You'll make them bitter!
 
Devolution said:
My parents had this tape.

I just took my dad's ipod and filled it up for him, and Steve Winwood's greatest hits was one the first things I added. Dad's love that shit!
 
Prax said:
Also, are you rejecting a bunch of girls as well because they do not meet up to your.. "standards"?
If you met up with girls 3-4 years ago with onlin dating, then why did you give up on it? Seems to have worked at least twice. Just keep working at that!

Being shy and awkward will make it harder to attract girls if you're not already physically attractive, but that won't necessarily prevent you from finding someone anyway.

How old are you?
You probably have many more years of chances before being forced to resign yourself.

I never 'reject' people, I'm not that mean. I gave up on the online dating thing because the two girls that I did meet up with pretty much never spoke to me again after we met up, so I think there is something wrong with me. One girl who I met up with was what I would call below my standards but I still happily met up with her and gave her a chance. She didn't speak to me again :/ I'm not a mean person, I give everyone a chance, they just don't do the same with me... just a text saying "I don't think we're compatible" or something would be fine, but straight up ignoring someone is a total dick move. Maybe I'm just more ugly than I think -_-
 
SteveWinwood said:
Holy shit, Requiem for a Dream totally aped this intro.

edit:
Devolution said:
Not enough Peter Gabriel vids.
I know I'll eventually be able to winwood your heart over. All your life, time after time, your heart has been collin out for a for a special type of love--I can see it in your eyes and i can feel it in the air tonight. I know I can phil that void, just don't let our flame peter out, my love.
 
Ladygaf, please offer an opinion on this woman, as I've never had so many conflicting signals. I'm no casonova but I'm not completely inept, just that this personality is strangely attractive to me despite being so bipolar.

-Coworker, technically, but we are NOT in the same building. Literally 30 mins away. No management will care, especially as it's on campus anyways. Always wants me to go visit, though.
-She is extremely popular with rich guys to the point of getting sugar daddies if she wanted--that's my competition.
-Bipolar flirting : Ranges from flirting with me on communicator with kissing emoticons, then the next day talking about what girls I should be doing (i.e. "hey you should sleep with her over there, look at her butt.")
-Bipolar flirting 2: At one point she was coming over and sitting on my desk talking about how cute I was. Then, another month, she went on about how I'm like a brother (I know...), then next week flip back to loudly telling people in our group how cute and good-smelling I am (I really take care of my clothes and appearance).
-She has a bad habit of this, flip flopping on her opinions on a lot of things.
-Physical contact is comfortable. I'm working out hardcore and like showing off my abs and she's happy to feel me up. She also likes me massaging her, though she gets mad I don't do it hard enough.
-Been to her place now and then, though we've not had sex. I had a chance to sleep with her, since she was flat out sitting on her bed asking, but I had to awkwardly decline since I was in a relationship at the time and I refuse to cheat, ever. Bad move, I realize, may have even done irrevocable damage. Maybe even friendzoned HER unintentionally.

(If I may ask a favor, please don't quote this post).
 
Ladygaf, you assistance is required, pretty please (with sugar on top) :).

OK, so I've been clubbing (dancing, whatever you guys call it in the states) once (only 18). Went with a couple of mates - it was great fun. That was a couple of months ago now, and I would like to do it again now. The predicament, none of my friends wanna go again. So what do i do? should I go by myself? Would I been stigmatized as a loner? I mean, you see all these groups of friends going on a night out. would It come off as a bit desperate walking into a club by myself, without any friends? when you guys go clubbing, do you go with friends (i guess as a social backup), or by yourself?

I guess that's the first question, the second is:
I am currently studying a very geeky degree (IT and Corporate Systems Management). So, naturally, their is a limited (basically none) supply of girls. so basically when ever I go to uni, I am surround by guys, talking about nerdy stuff (I'm sure that's a turn off for girls). Where do you guys recommend meeting girls at university? whenever I go to uni, everyone seems to be in their own world and its really hard to find someone new to talk to. Its not like i can approach a random hot girl and start making convo.

thought of another question, soz guys.
So basically I've been a real insecure person the majority of my teens. why? well lets just say i had really bad acne, or at least I thought I did (have been on acne drugs for like 5 years, on my second course of roacunate (Australian branded I think)). I'm talking real insecure. Like if i saw a hot girl, i wouldn't be able to look at her again. not even look. Basically I tended to void girls as much as possible. the funny thing is, through my high school life, I have always had girls approaching me. Ive been asked on several occasions (by some of the hottest girls in the grade!) to go out. in these situations i basically freak out, I sternly say "No", and kind of defuse the situation asap. I was asked out to the formal (prom) by a girl. Physically, my acne is much better (thank god), but mentally I'm still in my previous mindset (avoid girls!). However, I want to get to know girls, i really do, but theirs like a barrier, fucking barrier, its like Hitting the wall (running). So how do i overcome this overriding mental position I have, and which I have always had.

PS: love how neogaf is like a community, genuinely try to help each other out.
PSS: love from australia!
 
Hey! come over to the Ausgaf thread!

As for uni, do you have clubs? They are a great opportunity to meet people. I made so many friends at the Japanese club (some of them don't speak any Japanese, by the way, so don't let not being good get in the way of you joining). Or you could join a sport? Martial arts is a good one, though I guess not that many girls do it...

balddemon said:
how come i always become uninvolved in relationships after i get laid the first time? well thta's only happened once, we had sex 2 weeks after meeting and all of a sudden i'm not very interested in her anymore. same thing happened with my last gf (minus the sex), once we started dating, i didnt like her anymore. is there a problem with basing relationships off sex? :lol

i should call dr drew


Isn't there a saying about the chase being the fun part? I guess you aren't ready to settle down with one girl yet/ the sex must have been really disappointing.
 
PumpkinPie said:
I never 'reject' people, I'm not that mean. I gave up on the online dating thing because the two girls that I did meet up with pretty much never spoke to me again after we met up, so I think there is something wrong with me. One girl who I met up with was what I would call below my standards but I still happily met up with her and gave her a chance. She didn't speak to me again :/ I'm not a mean person, I give everyone a chance, they just don't do the same with me... just a text saying "I don't think we're compatible" or something would be fine, but straight up ignoring someone is a total dick move. Maybe I'm just more ugly than I think -_-
Just 2 people not working out is not very much to base your self-esteem on! And maybe you really just weren't compatible anyway. Some people are avoidant or inconsiderate, and it was just more experience into the dating scene for you.

Just keep putting yourself out there. I hope you didn't give up the online dating thing within the span of a couple of months! I can't say for sure without knowing how you look, but you are probably not such a trollish-looking guy that would auto-repulse a girl. Your somewhat shy/awkward personality is probably making you jump to conclusions about what others are thinking about you.

jaxword said:
(If I may ask a favor, please don't quote this post).
She sounds like a tease to me. LOL She likes getting your attention and playing mind games with you without being in a relationship.
Maybe she's like this to EVERY GUY~! Is this really a girl you want to be with? Or do you just want to sleep with her? I mean, if it's just sleeping with her, then maybe you can just be bold and ask. Sounds like she would be up to it and she just wants to see your reactions.

My own opinion is that she's just doing this for fun and if you manage to sleep with her, she'll get bored. It'll become an on-off relationship where she'll keep playing this game with you. If you don't mind being driven a little insane, then feel free to go for it?
 
Prax said:
Just 2 people not working out is not very much to base your self-esteem on! And maybe you really just weren't compatible anyway. Some people are avoidant or inconsiderate, and it was just more experience into the dating scene for you.

Just keep putting yourself out there. I hope you didn't give up the online dating thing within the span of a couple of months! I can't say for sure without knowing how you look, but you are probably not such a trollish-looking guy that would auto-repulse a girl. Your somewhat shy/awkward personality is probably making you jump to conclusions about what others are thinking about you.

That's probably the case. I've run into these issues before because I got frustrated, too.
 
dgamma3 said:
PS: love how neogaf is like a community, genuinely try to help each other out.
PSS: love from australia!
Hey man,
Your situation is a little similar to mine. Most of my friends are a bit boring. I had a great time at a trance gig too and want to go to more.

Are you from Melbourne?

Shanshan: I want to love the Ausgaf thread, but a page of talk on DLC and EB releases starts to make my eyes water haha.
 
Coeliacus said:
Shanshan: I want to love the Ausgaf thread, but a page of talk on DLC and EB releases starts to make my eyes water haha.

lol, same here actually. A lot of the time I have no idea what's going on :p
 
dgamma3 said:
nope I'm from the better city, Brisbane. we got the gold coast.
Oh well. Enjoy your sandy beeches and your seedy bars. :p

Keeping it on topic, yesterday I got invited to a house party by my ex who I split up with back in June, and I haven't seen or talked to her since the start of August. She broke up with me, and although I'm fairly over her, I can't help but feel a combination of me being single and her having a new boyfriend that she is crazy about could be painful. It's one thing to be over somebody and another to just generally be alone and miss having somebody to wake up next to.

I want to be friends with her but I'd prefer to have my own love life in motion before I do*, so I don't think I'll go. I don't really have any friends in common, so for the most part I'd just be talking to strangers or folks I've only met once or twice.

What do you think ladygaf? Are you still friends with your exes? I still talk to my first ex, but we dated for 6 years and were more friends than lovers by the end of it, but this last girl...

*I realise the uselessness of that. I doubt I'll be wanting to actively get back in contact with an ex if I had a new girl to keep me occupied.
 
LadyGAF,

Based on my experience, at least from a manly point of view, there seem to be all kinds of various levels of being "liked" by girls and sometimes they'll give you hints that they like you a whole lot more than they really do. However, a lot of times, at least for me, it's not been blatantly obvious and I end up feeling like I've been led on a bit. Is there any simple way to actually figure this out besides a.) asking and b.) looking for obvious things?
 
NihonTiger90 said:
LadyGAF,

Based on my experience, at least from a manly point of view, there seem to be all kinds of various levels of being "liked" by girls and sometimes they'll give you hints that they like you a whole lot more than they really do. However, a lot of times, at least for me, it's not been blatantly obvious and I end up feeling like I've been led on a bit. Is there any simple way to actually figure this out besides a.) asking and b.) looking for obvious things?
Short answer? Not really, no.

If I (as a female) am sending mixed signals to my fellow then it's because I'm confused or overwhelmed or am unsure of what it is, exactly, that I want.
 
An okay looking to mildly attractive guy approaches you and hits on you without being too gross. Are you

A - offended. Who is this stranger.
B - flattered. (I would be)
C - indifferent. Happens all the fucking time.
 
D - embarrassed, will probably mumble incoherently and run away. (Though I guess I'd be a little flattered).

As a result of being with the same guy since grade 10 (our fourth anniversary is next week!) I have absolutely no idea how to act around other guys who approach me in a romantic/ sexual manner.

I can tell my boyfriend gets kind of restless sometimes, and I admit I've been curious about what dating other people would be like, but this guy is my best friend. If we were to break up I really would have no one else who I was really close to. And you know, our relationship is still good. We've kind of been tossing up the idea of an open relationship recently, but I don't know. For one I'm kind of a jealous person, I don't think I'd be okay with him dating other people at the same time as me. For another thing I don't really no how to approach guys, and I don't know anyone who would be interested in me anyway (or at least not interested in sharing me), but there is no way I'd be down with sleeping with a stranger. But I think that if we could make this work for a few years we'd both be okay with settling down. He says he feels ten years older than he is. I really have no idea what the best course of action is, so if girl-gaf or guy-gaf could give me some ideas I'd be really appreciative.
 
shanshan310 said:
D - embarrassed, will probably mumble incoherently and run away. (Though I guess I'd be a little flattered).

As a result of being with the same guy since grade 10 (our fourth anniversary is next week!) I have absolutely no idea how to act around other guys who approach me in a romantic/ sexual manner.

I can tell my boyfriend gets kind of restless sometimes, and I admit I've been curious about what dating other people would be like, but this guy is my best friend. If we were to break up I really would have no one else who I was really close to. And you know, our relationship is still good. We've kind of been tossing up the idea of an open relationship recently, but I don't know. For one I'm kind of a jealous person, I don't think I'd be okay with him dating other people at the same time as me. For another thing I don't really no how to approach guys, and I don't know anyone who would be interested in me anyway (or at least not interested in sharing me), but there is no way I'd be down with sleeping with a stranger. But I think that if we could make this work for a few years we'd both be okay with settling down. He says he feels ten years older than he is. I really have no idea what the best course of action is, so if girl-gaf or guy-gaf could give me some ideas I'd be really appreciative.

I'm actually in a similar predicament. Been together so long. It's great but also a lot of work to keep it interesting.
 
Devolution said:
I'm actually in a similar predicament. Been together so long. It's great but also a lot of work to keep it interesting.

Its nice to know I'm not the only one. I think we ran out of date ideas a few years ago :p
 
Kinitari said:
An okay looking to mildly attractive guy approaches you and hits on you without being too gross. Are you

A - offended. Who is this stranger.
B - flattered. (I would be)
C - indifferent. Happens all the fucking time.

Somewhere between B and C, depending on the situation.
 
Yo ladygaf is it true dat most of approaching and negotiating mating is heavily driven by body language and facial expressions.

Also if I wear a flared set of peacock wings can I pick up a hot chick without using words.

kinitari: What do you mean by gross?
 
shanshan310 said:
D - embarrassed, will probably mumble incoherently and run away. (Though I guess I'd be a little flattered).

As a result of being with the same guy since grade 10 (our fourth anniversary is next week!) I have absolutely no idea how to act around other guys who approach me in a romantic/ sexual manner.

I can tell my boyfriend gets kind of restless sometimes, and I admit I've been curious about what dating other people would be like, but this guy is my best friend. If we were to break up I really would have no one else who I was really close to. And you know, our relationship is still good. We've kind of been tossing up the idea of an open relationship recently, but I don't know. For one I'm kind of a jealous person, I don't think I'd be okay with him dating other people at the same time as me. For another thing I don't really no how to approach guys, and I don't know anyone who would be interested in me anyway (or at least not interested in sharing me), but there is no way I'd be down with sleeping with a stranger. But I think that if we could make this work for a few years we'd both be okay with settling down. He says he feels ten years older than he is. I really have no idea what the best course of action is, so if girl-gaf or guy-gaf could give me some ideas I'd be really appreciative.

Yikes, I don't have the best experience with the whole... being with your first 'love' for a crazy long time, so take my advice with a grain of salt but - it wouldn't be a bad idea to experience what's out there. I don't know about open relationships, I have nothing against them - I just don't know about them, if you think you can be successfully in an open relationship, do it. Meeting new people/girls has been such a freaking eye opener to me.
 
shanshan310 said:
D - embarrassed, will probably mumble incoherently and run away. (Though I guess I'd be a little flattered).

As a result of being with the same guy since grade 10 (our fourth anniversary is next week!) I have absolutely no idea how to act around other guys who approach me in a romantic/ sexual manner.

I can tell my boyfriend gets kind of restless sometimes, and I admit I've been curious about what dating other people would be like, but this guy is my best friend. If we were to break up I really would have no one else who I was really close to. And you know, our relationship is still good. We've kind of been tossing up the idea of an open relationship recently, but I don't know. For one I'm kind of a jealous person, I don't think I'd be okay with him dating other people at the same time as me. For another thing I don't really no how to approach guys, and I don't know anyone who would be interested in me anyway (or at least not interested in sharing me), but there is no way I'd be down with sleeping with a stranger. But I think that if we could make this work for a few years we'd both be okay with settling down. He says he feels ten years older than he is. I really have no idea what the best course of action is, so if girl-gaf or guy-gaf could give me some ideas I'd be really appreciative.

Well, on the open relationship thing, it's not for everyone. It takes both partners to understand what that means and ultimately be OK with it. It really sounds more like he's already ready to settle down, perhaps, and you aren't quite there yet, and maybe he senses that and is a bit nervous. Of course, he doesn't need to be nervous, just patient :)

I guess my best advice would be to stick with it, since you're happy with what's going on, and most importantly, try to keep things fun and exciting without having to resort to changing things dramatically. That might mean finding some new activity to do or something like that. If you're happy with what you've got and don't really have any regrets, then the open relationship thing feels kind of like a little too big a first step to me.

But others may have better advice; I've not been in a relationship for 5 years. ._.
 
New Scenario:

An okay looking to mildly attractive bald guy approaches you and hits on you without being too gross. Are you

A - offended.
B - flattered.
C - indifferent.
D - embarrassed.
E - *breaks out the pepper spray*
 
shanshan310 said:
Its nice to know I'm not the only one. I think we ran out of date ideas a few years ago :p

Been in my relationship going on 8 years this November. I too hooked up in grade 10 (assuming they're equivalent). I was 16, I'm 24 now. Only you truly know what's right for you, but all I can tell you is to ask yourself a couple questions, do you imagine yourself with this guy for the rest of your life? Are you fine with the idea that he will be your one and only? If you have doubts, I think it's time to sit him down and talk about it.
 
I'm okay with just being with him, but I can sense he's getting kinda bored. But he doesn't like going to any places that involve drinking, and we don't really have much cash to spend on doing fun things, so there isn't really a lot of things we can go out and try. I'm hoping we'll be able to do more things after semester ends, but I'm getting stressed and my assignments aren't really getting done as a result...

What about a trial run of an open relationship? Like a "we get one date each" situation and see how that goes. I'm worried I'd spend it worried about what he's doing though... I really want things to stay the way they are now, but recently he just seems kinda less interested in me. I mean, a few months ago we were talking about getting married down the track, but somewhere something changed, and I have no idea what or why.
 
shanshan310 said:
I'm okay with just being with him, but I can sense he's getting kinda bored. But he doesn't like going to any places that involve drinking, and we don't really have much cash to spend on doing fun things, so there isn't really a lot of space to change. I'm hoping we'll be able to do more things after semester ends, but I'm getting stressed and my assignments aren't really getting done as a result...

What about a trial run of an open relationship? Like a "we get one date each" situation and see how that goes. I'm worried I'd spend it worried about what he's doing though...

If you're both getting bored and you've tried various means of putting "passion" back in your relationship for lack of a better term, then I guess I'd say put it on the back burner and go out and meet new people. I get that with the security you have in a long term relationship it's so much easier said then done, especially when you try to justify to yourself "it's been so long I have to make this work." But it sounds like you're not really doing yourselves any favors right now sticking together just because "it's been so long." And I understand, it's incredibly easy to stick it out because you know you get along more often than not, but if you're "best friends" rather than "lovers" you need to admit that to each other and figure out what you're going to do about it.
 
bangladesh said:
Don't know about that. I think a chick would dig a fit bald dude with blue eyes. Especially if he's got tattoos.
I now know what I must do. I must become Bruce Willis.
Xt1lw.jpg
 
shanshan310 said:
I can tell my boyfriend gets kind of restless sometimes, and I admit I've been curious about what dating other people would be like, but this guy is my best friend.
I've been with my partner for ten years. No plans on getting married. Still crazy in love, sex is great. The tolerance for sex instead of sleep when tired has gone down over the years, but that's also age/work related.

I frequently develop crushes on women I meet. It is no longer terrifying, but I always keep my partner informed; it keeps me honest.

I think open relationships are interesting, but she thinks she is too jealous for it, so we are monogamous. I only regret this sometimes, when walking alone in this city of beautiful, beautiful women (it is not a big regret).

If you try an open relationship, you will figure the meeting guys out. If you break up, you will make new best friends and lovers (and so will he).

The only question to ask is: are you happy? Lots of couples stay together only because it is comfortable. If you're happy, then great, but if you're just scared of being alone, it might be time to jump.

Edit: quick recipe for passion or breakup is to spend time apart. No get togethers during the week. Sink or swim come the weekend, every weekend.
 
If I was a girl I'd either just kill or have sex with every guy that even looked at me. Then no confusion for the poor men on what I think about them.
 
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