You know as a person who participates in religion (not really comfortable calling myself religious), it always feels like a struggle to connect with the gay community. Especially since I'm not a non-denominational Christian (which generally openly supports LGBT individuals) I always feel like a minority within the minority. It's really off-putting.
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You know as a person who participates in religion (not really comfortable calling myself religious), it always feels like a struggle to connect with the gay community. Especially since I'm not a non-denominational Christian (which generally openly supports LGBT individuals) I always feel like a minority within the minority. It's really off-putting.
Escape Goat
Member
This about sums up my job search so far.
Cosmic Bus
pristine morning snow
Hours Left
Member
A man of many talents. I love how unabashedly nerdy he is.
That's fine but then why not try to understand that person instead of immediately going "eww religion, not worth my time"? I mean maybe the dude in question is a great person ? Why immediately tell someone "there's much better guys out there" if he says he met someone religious.
Probably because a good bunch of people would rather immediately judge someone without taking the time to learn about them.
I'm not religious at all, but my boyfriend of 2.5 years is (catholic, goes to church every sunday, observe a certain form of lent and all other sort of stuff). At first I was struggling with it but after talking to him about it for a while, he told me that he feels that god makes him a better person (and a whole lot of other stuff but it's rather complicated to explain by writing without taking a long ass time). And really, who am I to judge him on that? If his spirituality makes him happy, it's something I should respect.
BlueBadger
Banned
I went to Catholic school for 13 years :/.
Even though I don't really practice (not because I'm gay, but just because it felt pretty culty and judgmental), I still get judged by other guys as soon as I tell them the name of the school I graduated from. It's very disheartening, because they immediately make assumptions. And it's obviously the wrong assumption, because I'm non-practicing.
Judged if I do, and judged if I don't
DOWN
Banned
That's exactly the problem many gays have dealt with regarding Christianity and religions. Gay people didn't just alienate themselves from religion.
I think faith is great and there are many ways to practice that are no conflict with me, but you can't really be clueless as to why people in this thread would distance themselves from fundamentally religious people, especially Christianity with how it's often expressed in western countries.
If you're religious because it makes you feel good/part of who you are then that's fine. If your religion is a warm fuzzy feeling about the universe and everything else that's fine. I won't judge that person. More power to them. If a person starts making claims without evidence about the universe, our origins, or a deity's existence, then that's fine too. But I'll most likely not share those same views. I don't think, from my position, pursuing something with someone at two different ends is worth it. Especially when I already have strong opinions against religion. I don't look at a religious person and go "eww religion" - I look at religion, as a whole, as a systematic movement that oppresses minorities and trumps progress. Of course there are exceptions, but they're not always the rule.
Or probably because you've grown in a religious household and you've seen first hand the effects of religion. It's also hard to distance an opinion from a person.
I understand that most LGBT individuals have been hurt by what's espoused by the majority of religious leaders, but it's not like I haven't. I'm kind of stuck between two communities that either think I'm an abomination or a traitor.
BlueBadger
Banned
One is not like the other. One is a choice, the other one isn't. Why not ditch the latter? I did, and I don't regret it. I don't need religion to find purpose in my life, or fulfilment. I don't need religion to be a better human being. We don't really need religion.
I agree with you 100%, but I don't think it's your place to expect that from somebody else who wants to practice.
TheAbsolution
Member
Exactly, let people believe what they want to believe.
One is not like the other. One is a choice, the other one isn't. Why not ditch the latter? I did, and I don't regret it. I don't need religion to find purpose in my life, or fulfilment. I don't need religion to be a better human being. We don't really need religion.
This is silly. It's great that you find peace with no religion but I don't. I find no inherent contradiction between my sexual orientation and religion despite what others claim. And I think I'm a better person for it.
Exactly.
CornBurrito
Member
That's really too bad but my personal preferences arent going to be changed to accommodate your feelings. If you are a Christian that's great for you. I personally dislike the religion for the most part and wouldn't seek a mate that felt Christianity was a serious part of themselves. I fail to see how I am generalizing but whatever.
Yes, indeed. Forcing others to believe in something by scaring them is inhumane too (something I dare say that religion is really good at doing). I agree.
Well then that's great. More power to you. I was just saying that because you were treated as a traitor?
BlueBadger
Banned
I completely agree that there are some horrible people within the realm of religion. However, I don't think they're all bad. If they want to practice, and they're not judging other people for not practicing (because people who practice Catholicism properly should know very well that according to their Scripture only "God" has the power to judge others), then I don't see a problem.
It's when they start judging others for not practicing or "worshipping their God" or for an "incorrect lifestyle" that I draw the line.
It's when they start judging others for not practicing or "worshipping their God" or for an "incorrect lifestyle" that I draw the line.
EvilRedEye
Member
Context is important. I don't see what's particularly wrong with judging someone's religion in terms of deciding whether or not to enter into some kind of intimate relationship with them. It's not like they're a candidate at a job interview or you're refusing to associate with them altogether.
CornBurrito
Member
I don't see why I should be made to feel bad for not being romantically or sexually attracted to hyper religious people. I would love to hear what are acceptable things to find unattractive. Do I need to date an ultra republican gay Scientologist so as to not be seen as close minded by people like Alrus?
Henchmen21
Banned
Hey all
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Good afternoon Henchy.
BlueBadger
Banned
Maybe their church doesn't preach that though?
I'm personally an Athiest but one of the most understanding, loving people I know is a Catholic so religion is by no means a deal breaker for me. That said though I feel like anybody ultra devout and I probably wouldn't make a compatible couple long term due to different life goals and philosophies. I'd give it a go though!
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Even if my parents were mega gay rights activists, I doubt I would come out to them. It's just not the nature of my relationship with them to share stuff like that about myself.
Not too sweet! Just right! It went perfectly with my delicious chocolate/peanut butter confection <3
Just tell them you're focusing on school. (or that you're more into hook ups than dating)
Not too sweet! Just right! It went perfectly with my delicious chocolate/peanut butter confection <3
Just tell them you're focusing on school. (or that you're more into hook ups than dating)
Aarglefarg
Member
'Non-practicing' is an interesting term. Does this mean you identify as a Catholic, just a non-practicing one, rather than not a Catholic? Or is it believing still?I went to Catholic school for 13 years :/.
Even though I don't really practice (not because I'm gay, but just because it felt pretty culty and judgmental), I still get judged by other guys as soon as I tell them the name of the school I graduated from. It's very disheartening, because they immediately make assumptions. And it's obviously the wrong assumption, because I'm non-practicing.
Judged if I do, and judged if I don't
Masquerader
Member
Catholic school around here's actually not half bad. The education is considered the best, and the religious element dies down by secondary school, meaning you can actually focus om Science and shit, if you so please.
I'm still an abomination, though. :c
I'm still an abomination, though. :c
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
There's something really appealing to me about (some of) Boy George's looks:
BlueBadger
Banned
Well what I mean by "non-practicing catholic" is that I was baptized and underwent First Communion and Confirmation at a young age, but don't go to church every Sunday/practice the traditions. That's generally what the term means, at least from what Ive gathered. I didn't really make any statements about my personal beliefs.
I meant gay people see me as a traitor for following a religion they perceive as anti-LGBT. I'm not Christian so people already have their prejudices about me so yeah.
I just thought your (and others) reaction was prejudiced that's it (Crayons said nothing about the guy being hyper religious just that he was gay and christian). Sorry if it offended you so much, you're obviously free to date whoever you like.
Not all churches do that to be fair, I sure as hell wouldn't date a guy who went to a church that told him he was a monster, because there'd be some serious self loathing issue involved there.
umop_3pisdn
Member
I guess the contention is about what those things represent. Ultimately we're dealing with people, and people are complex, so there's sort of a mean or golden ratio within which generalizations might be useful or valuable. Life if someone is hyper-religious, to the extent of moralism, as opposed to say morality (the difference between following the letter of the law, and the spirit of the law), then that tells you some very clear things about their personality. These are also things that are probably maladaptive or present some sort of defect in their personality, that would prevent them from being people that you really can have a meaningful relationship with. It's the same thing with your other example. In relationships we're looking for people that are well-adjusted, grounded, and generally fulfilled in the other areas of their lives; and a lot of cognitive dissonance, rigidly clinging to philosophies, and extensive self-interest and self-preservation are in very direct conflict with that or at least signify in a pretty unambiguous way that that's not the case for them.
But if someone just identifies as a 'Christian', it doesn't really signify anything at all. I think the contention surrounding these preferences is that stuff like this is never specified and just casually assumed, but we have to be critical enough to actually narrow down the cause or justification for our distaste. A person's philosophy or beliefs may indirectly or directly point out that they might have some issues that they need to resolve, or it might not. It's insensitive or crass to write off a broad subset of people without just cause; but if we investigate what forces are at work there we can have a just basis for discrimination that actually serves us well in life. We have to make sure our metrics are actually appropriate and not just casual or ignorant assumptions when we're actually dealing with individual people. There's a balance between getting to know people for who they are, and not having your heart so open that you leave yourself permanently vulnerable. An approach that writes off anyone that loosely falls within a certain religious grouping is probably compulsively closed or shut off.
CornBurrito
Member
Lol you are dating a Catholic. The catholic church, theologically speaking, does not support homosexuality. They might be shifting away from active condemnation, but they won't ever approve of you formulating with a condom and they will never officiate your wedding if you wanted to marry someone of the same sex.
Blood Diamonds
Banned
Thanks for all the responses guys
I still don't know what to do... I'm so tired of thinking "What ifs" in my head over and over again but at the same time it looks like I'm still financially dependent on them
ugh
If it means anything, I'm getting financial aid because my parents work in the fields and I'm able to get a job inside the campus but I have no idea if my parents are able to take that help away from me.
I have no issues with religious people, and I'd date a religious guy as long as his beliefs never get imposed on me. But, yes, I bail out as soon as I encounter any of the usual undesirable traits of religion. I'm an atheist and no person is worth having to endure second hand religious drama.
BlueBadger
Banned
Henchmen21
Banned
Here's a question for everyone. Would you be ok with your bf/so/whathaveyou doing porn?
Same.
Nope. But really just because it's be a self-confidence thing to me where he'd be guaranteed to be having sex with people more attractive than me and I would get jealous or feel inadequate or whatever.
DOWN
Banned
I'm thinking no. I want them to look like they could do porn but not do it.
lol same
It's tricky. If I meet a guy and we "click", I don't think I'd break up with him if he reveals his porn job at some point, if the relationship is going fine otherwise (I'd be pissed off, though). I think it'd be more difficult for me to accept it before getting to know each other Now, my biggest issue is not really jealousy, but my rather strong STD paranoia, lol.
Now, my biggest issue is not really jealousy, but my rather strong STD paranoia, lol.Henchmen21
Banned
See I'm kind of conflicted. On the one hand, the idea of my bf fucking/getting fucked by other men is kind of a turn on but on the other hand all the baggage that comes with porn is kind of a turn off.
Of course all this is moot since I would need to get a bf first.
Of course all this is moot since I would need to get a bf first.
Henchmen21
Banned
Hi guys
After all that has happened to me (well, more like after all that hasn't happened) I decided to stop looking for people. I will be fine, I guess, since I've been very busy.
That's good to hear. Concentrate on making a better life for yourself
DOWN
Banned
I can watch this lovely chorus vine so many times https://vine.co/v/hJp2ewxa6Tz
Start watching LOST. LOST is my boyfriend now.Hi guys
After all that has happened to me (well, more like after all that hasn't happened) I decided to stop looking for people. I will be fine, I guess, since I've been very busy.
Henchmen21
Banned
Hmmm... it depends. Not really sure. I mean if he does porn for a living, that means he is having, for the lack of a better word, "professional" sex. Mt biggest worry would be the idea that I'm not as good as the guys he works with, and not be able to satisfy him. In that respect, I would be very insecure. For that reason, I don't think it would work. I would also be jealous seeing him getting banged/banging someone else.
It's tricky. If I meet a guy and we "click", I don't think I'd break up with him if he reveals his porn job at some point, if the relationship is going fine otherwise (I'd be pissed off, though). I think it'd be more difficult for me to accept it before getting to know each other
That's also a concern. I also have a really strong paranoia, not to mention that I'm a germophobe.
To me at least, it would be a hard truth to accept. Seeing him perform, if I am very emotionally invested in him, so many things would go on in my mind.
Hi guys
After all that has happened to me (well, more like after all that hasn't happened) I decided to stop looking for people. I will be fine, I guess, since I've been very busy.
I was just thinking about you. Was gonna ask where in the world is Daripad
I'm assuming medical school has got you very busy. Don't get too stressed about it.
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