You don't need to know. You know he's a lying son of a bitch and you know he sure as shit isn't telling the truth here.
He's not your problem anymore.
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LGBTQIA+ |OT8| PrEPare Yourself.
- Thread starter Vazra
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You don't need to know. You know he's a lying son of a bitch and you know he sure as shit isn't telling the truth here.
He's not your problem anymore.
Urban Viking
Member
The whole thing sounds eerily similar to something that happened to me, except for his reaction to your accusations and the story with his parents, which sounds like a hot (made up) mess. Just reading this makes my blood boil. Dump his ass and don't look back.
Elitist1945
Member
My group of friends routinely hang out with everyone but me. Like, they'll never ask me to hang out either individually or as a group. Guess they don't like me? lol
I had people ask me out but since I coudnt go out when I was younger people dont bother asking me out now. I dont complain Im good with me, myself and I.
Tinder guy is probably not gonna lead anywhere. Its weird. He messaged me, we talked. He gave me his number. We talked more. Good conversations. ye, he doesn't really initiate anything anymore. If I send him a message, he'll answer, but he won't start a conversation.
Granted, its been like, 5 days so maybe/probably I'm overthinking things. But I'm not gonna try messaging him again so the ball is in his court.
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In other news... at the beginning of the year I joined this awesome lgbt dodgeball league. First season finished, and was awesome. New seasons started today - not dodgeball though. Scoopball, soccer baseball and ultimate frisbee. Met my new team. One guy is sooo good looking, god damn.
Granted, its been like, 5 days so maybe/probably I'm overthinking things. But I'm not gonna try messaging him again so the ball is in his court.
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In other news... at the beginning of the year I joined this awesome lgbt dodgeball league. First season finished, and was awesome. New seasons started today - not dodgeball though. Scoopball, soccer baseball and ultimate frisbee. Met my new team. One guy is sooo good looking, god damn.
When you meet him, make sure to sneak in "gusto mo titi?"
Enjoy the sports and enjoy the eye candy
Just used google translate and I guess that's fine to say.
Fix-It Felix. Jr.
Member
My friends always talked about their plans after school during lunch, but it was rare that they ever invited me to tag along. We always had a great time when we hung out, but I often felt like the friend that's just there to confide in and have a nice lil chat. I mean, there's nothing wrong with being "that guy," but I'd actually like to be included in some activities. Even now that we're all graduated and some have moved to a different city, those still around me don't show any interest in doing anything with me outside of late night texts.
I had a friend like that. Seemed completely uninterested in hanging out with me, but whenever he wanted to talk I was there. Basically had to twist his arm to hang out or I'd never see him.
I gave up. We aren't friends anymore. Just started ignoring him (Though I had confronted him on the matter previously, gave him a chance to change). Still kind of bummed about it, but whatever. Ultimately, if someone wants to be friends with you, they'll make time for you. Not always, of course. But sometimes.
D
Deleted member 465307
Unconfirmed Member
Based on personal experience, I say try to find other friends and remain friendly with those people.
5 days of Tinder and texting...perhaps it's time you ask him if he wants to meet up for coffee?
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That sounds AMAZING and exactly the kind of thing I'd be into once I move into the professional world. Reading that actually got me super stoked. I need to look into an opportunity like this. I forget...are you in a big city or urban area?
Fix-It Felix. Jr.
Member
Yeah, I've pretty much reached the point of ignoring them. I'm going to college in a different city soon, so hopefully I'll be able to create some more inclusive friendships this time around.
Wish I had the guts to speak up about the issue, but I went to a very small high school (under 300 students) and didn't want to jeopardize the one "group" I managed to get into. Hindsight is 20/20, I guess.
I mean this sincerely: do it at the first chance you get. One of the best decisions I've ever made. A highlight of my week, and a great way to meet people.
I'm in Toronto, so yeah, a big urban area.
D
Deleted member 465307
Unconfirmed Member
I hope wherever I end up has that. Otherwise, maybe I'll move to Canada.
Eek same. I'm over it. I don't need that kind of friendship in my life. It happens.
Henchmen21
Banned
It's weird how porn from 10yrs ago looks more dated than porn from 20-30 years ago.
LGBT soccer team?
Soccer is a different league. I was going to do that too, but I have ankle problems and didn't want to push myself too much. This league is dodgeball in the fall/winter, and then three sports in summer (Scoopball, kickball, ultimate frisbee)
Honestly if you're in a big city there should be a league for pretty much any sport you want. Or if you want gaming, theres probably that too.
As someone who has been through this shit with my now husband, I am going to say back away while you are still young. You can find someone better for yourself. If he is really close friends with those others, chances are they probably know and just don't give a shit and are help covering his ass. Don't think you can't find someone else! There are plenty of guys out there that want to be with me, but I am married now so I try to take care of my relationship and stick to my morals. It really isn't that hard to find someone else these days...you just might have to weed out a bunch of assholes.
SuperStiltzkin
Member
It's done. Thanks for the words of support everyone.
You're welcome and if you need to talk with anyone privately my inbox is open and Im pretty sure there are other guys here willing to do the same and talk with you if you need something.
D
Deleted member 465307
Unconfirmed Member
ZombiePlatypus
Member
It might suck now, but you're bound to be so much happier down the line. Focus on yourself for the time-being with gym, shopping, hobbies, etc.
ugh I just read your entire story and he is so awful I'm really proud of you for ending it. Just reading all that made my anxiety flare up like I'm ridiculously insecure in myself and to think some guy would treat you like you're nothing... how fucked is that.Omegasquash
Member
Sweet crispy Jesus. I went ahead and looked through the info you've shared in this thread. You made the right decision. Anyone exhibiting shady behavior like that and insisting on not wrapping up is a quality cup of "fuck off".
You'll get through this AOK, Super.
We are here for you if you need help and support. This whole ordeal must have been very emotionally taxing. For now, don't overdo it: rest and see your friends to get your mind out of this.
Elitist1945
Member
It sucks because I'm been friends with them since Grade 7. Oh well, times change I guess.
In what way?
SuperStiltzkin
Member
Met him in person at the park by his house yesterday. Parents story is whatever. Apparently asked his mom for relationship advice and dad overheard what he did to me and confiscated his phone for going out too much. Could be a half truth, could be a total lie. Didn't care enough to verify. Called his phone and instantly got voice mail. Asked his friend to call his phone and he said it went to voicemail. Dunno if he was covering for him or not.
He tried to guilt me. Says his parents hate him now and I hate him now and his work situation isn't good. Told him I'd like to feel sorry for him, but I don't. Told him his parents don't hate him, I do. Tried to excuse or deflect with another attempt to make me feel sorry. Said his infidelities might be a result of traumatic childhood experience that he never even told his parents about. I won't say what in case it's true. I have a hard time believing since he's joked about that a lot. Said I'm sorry to hear that, but that doesn't change anything or excuse anything. I straight up asked why he did it. What motivated him to contact those people. Don't give me any bullshit. Just help me understand. He said cause he was sexually attracted to them. Which was the most honest thing he's said during the whole meeting. So he has no self control and no respect for me.
He also back peddles on the "didn't have sex, just talked" thing. I told him he was irresponsible, disrespectful, and stupid for putting me at risk. Now he said he's only had sex with one guy last year and just "talked" to the rest. Told him I don't believe anything he says anymore. As far as I'm concerned, you had sex with all of them and that's a fact between us now and we treat it as such. He said he made a mistake and he's sorry he betrayed my trust. I said a mistake is getting drunk and kissing some guy at the bar in the spur of the moment. What you did was seek out guys behind my back through sustained contact. That is not a mistake. That was done with calculated intent. Whether you had sex with one or all of them makes no difference. The intent was there. The planning was there. You initiated it several times over the course of a year.
He asked me to forgive him and said he'd try to fix it. Told him I don't know what our relationship would even be anymore. I won't be the same person you claim to have loved so much. You aren't either. Unless I check your phone every day, call you 24/7. Send me your work schedule every week. No going out unless you're with me. I call your parents to check if you're actually home "just taking a lazy day staying in." He said he'll do all of it. Whatever it takes.
I won't lie. I really considered it. It was hard because he was crying and I'd never seen him cry before. I thought maybe I'd stick around to see how he treats me from now on. How far he's willing to go to keep me. But I just think back to those messages. Those pictures that he took "just for me" that he sent to those guys.
I said I don't have the energy to keep constant tabs on you. I don't have the energy to deal with the stress of not knowing what you're up to either. I'm not going to spend the rest of my 20's trying to salvage this.
I opened my phone and deleted all the pictures of him and us in front of him.
I hugged him hard. Told him I really did feel happy when I was with him. That despite everything that happened recently, he changed my life in a lot of positive ways. I didn't regret this being my first relationship even if it ended up being a big lie. Told him hopefully he'll find someone he likes enough to treat right someday. Said goodbye and left.
I am also incredibly insecure. A lot of my doubts and second guessing about him I attributed to my own insecurities. And it really wasn't until this thread that I realized that a lot of what I thought would be overbearing demands are simply reasonable requests in a relationship. If I had trusted myself more, I could have probably seen this coming sooner.
It is kind of liberating to just take care of myself from now on. Felt like I got sidetracked. Gonna go back to playing more videogames. Go back to the gym. Getting back to working on my portfolio. Basically move on with life.
He tried to guilt me. Says his parents hate him now and I hate him now and his work situation isn't good. Told him I'd like to feel sorry for him, but I don't. Told him his parents don't hate him, I do. Tried to excuse or deflect with another attempt to make me feel sorry. Said his infidelities might be a result of traumatic childhood experience that he never even told his parents about. I won't say what in case it's true. I have a hard time believing since he's joked about that a lot. Said I'm sorry to hear that, but that doesn't change anything or excuse anything. I straight up asked why he did it. What motivated him to contact those people. Don't give me any bullshit. Just help me understand. He said cause he was sexually attracted to them. Which was the most honest thing he's said during the whole meeting. So he has no self control and no respect for me.
He also back peddles on the "didn't have sex, just talked" thing. I told him he was irresponsible, disrespectful, and stupid for putting me at risk. Now he said he's only had sex with one guy last year and just "talked" to the rest. Told him I don't believe anything he says anymore. As far as I'm concerned, you had sex with all of them and that's a fact between us now and we treat it as such. He said he made a mistake and he's sorry he betrayed my trust. I said a mistake is getting drunk and kissing some guy at the bar in the spur of the moment. What you did was seek out guys behind my back through sustained contact. That is not a mistake. That was done with calculated intent. Whether you had sex with one or all of them makes no difference. The intent was there. The planning was there. You initiated it several times over the course of a year.
He asked me to forgive him and said he'd try to fix it. Told him I don't know what our relationship would even be anymore. I won't be the same person you claim to have loved so much. You aren't either. Unless I check your phone every day, call you 24/7. Send me your work schedule every week. No going out unless you're with me. I call your parents to check if you're actually home "just taking a lazy day staying in." He said he'll do all of it. Whatever it takes.
I won't lie. I really considered it. It was hard because he was crying and I'd never seen him cry before. I thought maybe I'd stick around to see how he treats me from now on. How far he's willing to go to keep me. But I just think back to those messages. Those pictures that he took "just for me" that he sent to those guys.
I said I don't have the energy to keep constant tabs on you. I don't have the energy to deal with the stress of not knowing what you're up to either. I'm not going to spend the rest of my 20's trying to salvage this.
I opened my phone and deleted all the pictures of him and us in front of him.
I hugged him hard. Told him I really did feel happy when I was with him. That despite everything that happened recently, he changed my life in a lot of positive ways. I didn't regret this being my first relationship even if it ended up being a big lie. Told him hopefully he'll find someone he likes enough to treat right someday. Said goodbye and left.
I am also incredibly insecure. A lot of my doubts and second guessing about him I attributed to my own insecurities. And it really wasn't until this thread that I realized that a lot of what I thought would be overbearing demands are simply reasonable requests in a relationship. If I had trusted myself more, I could have probably seen this coming sooner.
It is kind of liberating to just take care of myself from now on. Felt like I got sidetracked. Gonna go back to playing more videogames. Go back to the gym. Getting back to working on my portfolio. Basically move on with life.
D
Deleted member 465307
Unconfirmed Member
It sounds like in a lot of ways you did exactly what you needed to for your own happiness. I was especially happy to read how you handled the alleged trauma he experienced (I assume it's terrible if true and something he should get help for, but it doesn't excuse his actions) and his attempts at minimizing his fault in the matter ("mistake" vs. repeated, deliberate acts).
Good for you.
What kind of portfolio do you have?
That must have been tough. But you did what you had to do and he forced your hand. You stood up for yourself and you learned from your mistakes as well as reinforced your trust in your instinct.
Being your first relationship, we of course want everything to be idyllic but for most of us, it's a learning experience to another learning experience, to another; until we know not only what we want - but what we absolutely do not want.
*slow clap*
You did the right thing. You confronted him, did not let your emotions fool you, pointed out everything bad he did to you, and overall handled it very maturely. You can be proud of yourself. You can now heal, and focus on yourself.
Not to end my message on a sour note, but be sure to get tested for pretty much every STDs. It may be stressful, but it is better to know for sure you didn't get anything.
SuperStiltzkin
Member
Graphic design. Don't have a website up yet or anything. Kinda been something I've put on hold since I started dating. Actually a lot of things I need to get back to. Felt like I spent so much focus on getting this first relationship right that I forgot about myself.
Thank you. I got tested this March and they didn't find anything. But am going to get tested again this week.
LambdaTeos
Member
This, this just did it, you are very kind, read through several post and all I can say is that this will get better, you're strong and did the best for you.
D
Deleted member 465307
Unconfirmed Member
Awesome! Best of luck building it! I think there are a few people in here who do graphic design work. The self-discovery and self-focus post-unsuccessful relationship is a great process to go through.
I realize that apart from the unfortunate revelations of your relationship's conclusion, this community doesn't know much about you. Would you like to fill out the IBQ in the OP? No rush or obligation, of course.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Omegasquash
Member
I bet he wasn't crying with guilt after he fucked around behind your back. That crying was a manipulation pure and simple, and you did good by yourself by just erasing him from your phone.
What a complete twat.
Sexually
LambdaTeos
Member
Hello! i'm new here (in general...) and saw this community and well, here I am n.n
Lemme introduce myself :
Your gender? Male? Hombre?
Your sexual orientation? Gay
Where Are You From? Mexico
Where Do You Live? NDA
How Old Are you? 25 although I look older...
Favorite Type of Music? Woodkid, Lindsey Stirling, Ellie Goulding, pop, jazz, classical, and game OST's, also K-pop and J-pop
Profession or Career interest? I finished my gastronomy career, and i'm a graduated chef, but i'm working in something completely different, related to videogames
Favorite video game(s)? RPG's and music games
What are your hobbies (other than gaming)? eating, drawing, walking, buying things, selling thins, making business, playing videogames a lot, and listening music, a simple guy I guess
Nice to meet you guys
Lemme introduce myself :
Your gender? Male? Hombre?
Your sexual orientation? Gay
Where Are You From? Mexico
Where Do You Live? NDA
How Old Are you? 25 although I look older...
Favorite Type of Music? Woodkid, Lindsey Stirling, Ellie Goulding, pop, jazz, classical, and game OST's, also K-pop and J-pop
Profession or Career interest? I finished my gastronomy career, and i'm a graduated chef, but i'm working in something completely different, related to videogames
Favorite video game(s)? RPG's and music games
What are your hobbies (other than gaming)? eating, drawing, walking, buying things, selling thins, making business, playing videogames a lot, and listening music, a simple guy I guess
Nice to meet you guys
Thequietone
Member
Hello! i'm new here (in general...) and saw this community and well, here I am n.n
Lemme introduce myself :
Your gender? Male? Hombre?
Your sexual orientation? Gay
Where Are You From? Mexico
Where Do You Live? NDA
How Old Are you? 25 although I look older...
Favorite Type of Music? Woodkid, Lindsey Stirling, Ellie Goulding, pop, jazz, classical, and game OST's, also K-pop and J-pop
Profession or Career interest? I finished my gastronomy career, and i'm a graduated chef, but i'm working in something completely different, related to videogames
Favorite video game(s)? RPG's and music games
What are your hobbies (other than gaming)? eating, drawing, walking, buying things, selling thins, making business, playing videogames a lot, and listening music, a simple guy I guess
Nice to meet you guys
Hi and welcome. Which RPGs series/standalone titles are your favorite? My favorites are Xenoblade and Pokemon. Boring I know.
LambdaTeos
Member
Haha I love Pokemon too but I'm not that good. I just catch the Pokemon I like and train them to be overpowered haha, and I played xenobladechroniclesx but not the first one
I love Tales of Series, I've been a fan and covering all those games for almost 12 years
I also like Pokemon, final fantasy, dark souls (dunno if it counts as rpg) and fire emblem, also classic ones like baten Kaitos and Valkyrie profile
But my fav by far would be Tales of series definitely.
Huh?
TheAbsolution
Member
Hello there.Hello! i'm new here (in general...) and saw this community and well, here I am n.n
Lemme introduce myself :
Your gender? Male? Hombre?
Your sexual orientation? Gay
Where Are You From? Mexico
Where Do You Live? NDA
How Old Are you? 25 although I look older...
Favorite Type of Music? Woodkid, Lindsey Stirling, Ellie Goulding, pop, jazz, classical, and game OST's, also K-pop and J-pop
Profession or Career interest? I finished my gastronomy career, and i'm a graduated chef, but i'm working in something completely different, related to videogames
Favorite video game(s)? RPG's and music games
What are your hobbies (other than gaming)? eating, drawing, walking, buying things, selling thins, making business, playing videogames a lot, and listening music, a simple guy I guess
Nice to meet you guys
What are you working in now that's related to video games?
Thequietone
Member
I do the same thing but I do avoid Pokemon that I knw aren't worth training. I liked Tales of Symphonia, and I forget the name of the other one. It was on the GBA and a port of an older game. I think Tales of Phantasia.
You should definitely play the first one. I absolutely loved this first one but I just can't get myself to finish the second one. They have it for download on the WiiU eshop for $20 in NA. Not sure about the prices in other territories.
LambdaTeos
Member
Yep, phantasia, the first in the whole saga n.n
And yeah, but should I try it for Wii or new 3ds?
Hello there.
What are you working in now that's related to video games?
It's customer service for one of the 3 companies, been there for several years
not entirely related but I get to see some things hahhaThequietone
Member
I don't have the New 3ds so I wouldn't be the best to answer that, but I think I heard of frame rate problems on the new 3ds version.
LambdaTeos
Member
Gotta investigate about it then, right now I'm waiting for Kirby Robobot (for I love that pink ball...) but I might buy xeno too, been wondering why so much hype, liked chronicles X but felt very heavy sometimes (heavy as in tedious)
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