Necromanti
Member
Free speech is dead.
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LGBTQIA+ |OT8| PrEPare Yourself.
- Thread starter Vazra
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kitchenmotors
Banned
If you want to use the thread as your PM dumping ground for what you're going to do with CB when hooking up, that's fine, but don't get mad when people call you out for it. There is a world of difference between that sorta thing on an open forum and between two people in a relationship in their own room.
Not even sure why I'm bothering tbh. You're stubborn.
kitchenmotors
Banned
D
Deleted member 465307
Unconfirmed Member
Pamplemousse, if I may, I think why people were getting a little uncomfortable with the discussion you and CB were having because it was a conversation that no one can really participate in. Anyone can post anything they want in this thread (according to the TOS, of course), but the kinds of posts I think people lean towards are:
1) Questions or concerns that people want advice on. In this case, people are able to respond and assist and support fellow members of the community.
2) Personal updates. I personally like these (can't speak to everyone) because I've been reading posters' opinions and about their lives for long enough that I care about them being happy and want them to be successful. If people are in a tough spot, I can also offer support. In some cases, people ask questions and continue a conversation about these updates, and people jump in at various points in response to new information that is shared.
3) Suggestions or topics related to culture (music, writing, etc.). I think people share this because they think others in here will enjoy their suggestion or might be able to offer some thoughts/commentary.
4) Political topics or cultural events. I think people post about these because they want to hear what others think and solidify their own thoughts.
5) Hot people. I think people post these simply because they liked what they saw and think others will as well. Also, given that many people in this thread have been in environments where they can't freely express such attractions, taking advantage of this opportunity might be therapeutic and a positive experience for them.
6) Jokes/teasing. I think people post these because it's amusing and part of the community banter and bond-building. They can potentially go too far, and in some cases, the post is either ignored or criticized. Like for all of these, it's a balancing act.
(I'm probably missing some categories, so forgive me. I'm typing this quickly.)
Now, not all of these topics continue in productive ways, but generally they are always open to everyone to join in, and anything that doesn't fit into one of these molds tends to die out pretty quickly.
I'd say the conversation you and CB were having fits best into #2. However, the issue that I think people saw was that no one could engage. I mean, I don't think it's my place to comment on or give advice on how you and CB have sex. This exclusivity suggests that the community itself has no place in the conversation, which is probably why private messaging was suggested.
I could see an argument that generally this is similar to when people post about their hookups ("I had this really weird experience last night" or "I don't know how I feel about this act"), but I think those types of posts are inviting commiseration, advice, or affirmation.
Of course, there are some topics shared in here that very few care about, such that maybe the same two or three people will respond to something (perhaps a very specific experience or cultural interest). Some of these I really don't care about. However, such topics are categorically open to anyone participating, even if only a few will. I think, as is, people don't feel that potential for engagement with some aspects of the conversation you and CB were having.
I don't mean this as a criticism—I think anyone can post in here what they want—but I hope this makes it clearer why people are resistant to the conversation that was ongoing.
Also, this was entirely my opinion, so I apologize if I'm misrepresenting anyone in this thread.
EDIT: I hope no one hates me now.
kitchenmotors
Banned
Slaaaaaay mama
TheAbsolution
Member
Very well said. Great post Kirby, as always.Pamplemousse, if I may, I think why people were getting a little uncomfortable with the discussion you and CB were having because it was a conversation that no one can really participate in. Anyone can post anything they want in this thread (according to the TOS, of course), but the kinds of posts I think people lean towards are:
1) Questions or concerns that people want advice on. In this case, people are able to respond and assist and support fellow members of the community.
2) Personal updates. I personally like these (can't speak to everyone) because I've been reading posters' opinions and about their lives for long enough that I care about them being happy and want them to be successful. If people are in a tough spot, I can also offer support. In some cases, people ask questions and continue a conversation about these updates, and people jump in at various points in response to new information that is shared.
3) Suggestions or topics related to culture (music, writing, etc.). I think people share this because they think others in here will enjoy their suggestion or might be able to offer some thoughts/commentary.
4) Political topics or cultural events. I think people post about these because they want to hear what others think and solidify their own thoughts.
5) Hot people. I think people post these simply because they liked what they saw and think others will as well. Also, given that many people in this thread have been in environments where they can't freely express such attractions, taking advantage of this opportunity might be therapeutic and a positive experience for them.
6) Jokes/teasing. I think people post these because it's amusing and part of the community banter and bond-building. They can potentially go too far, and in some cases, the post is either ignored or criticized. Like for all of these, it's a balancing act.
(I'm probably am missing some categories, so forgive me. I'm typing this quickly.)
Now, not all of these topics continue in productive ways, but generally they are always open to everyone to join in, and anything that doesn't fit into one of these molds tends to die out pretty quickly.
I'd say the conversation you and CB were having fits best into #2. However, the issue that I think people saw was that no one could engage. I mean, I don't think it's my place to comment on or give advice on how you and CB have sex. This exclusivity suggests that the community itself has no place in the conversation, which is probably why private messaging was suggested.
I could see an argument that generally this is similar to when people post about their hookups ("I had this really weird experience last night" or "I don't know how I feel about this act"), but I think those types of posts are inviting commiseration, advice, or affirmation.
Of course, there are some topics shared in here that very few care about, such that maybe the same two or three people will respond to something (perhaps a very specific experience or cultural interest). Some of these I really don't care about. However, such topics are categorically open to anyone participating, even if only a few will. I think, as is, people don't feel that potential for engagement with some aspects of the conversation you and CB were having.
I don't mean this as a criticismI think anyone can post in here what they wantbut I hope this makes it clearer why people are resistant to the conversation that was ongoing.
Also, this was entirely my opinion, so I apologize if I'm misrepresenting anyone in this thread.
EDIT: I hope no one hates me now.
Pamplemousse, if I may, I think why people were getting a little uncomfortable with the discussion you and CB were having because it was a conversation that no one can really participate in. Anyone can post anything they want in this thread (according to the TOS, of course), but the kinds of posts I think people lean towards are:
1) Questions or concerns that people want advice on. In this case, people are able to respond and assist and support fellow members of the community.
2) Personal updates. I personally like these (can't speak to everyone) because I've been reading posters' opinions and about their lives for long enough that I care about them being happy and want them to be successful. If people are in a tough spot, I can also offer support. In some cases, people ask questions and continue a conversation about these updates, and people jump in at various points in response to new information that is shared.
3) Suggestions or topics related to culture (music, writing, etc.). I think people share this because they think others in here will enjoy their suggestion or might be able to offer some thoughts/commentary.
4) Political topics or cultural events. I think people post about these because they want to hear what others think and solidify their own thoughts.
5) Hot people. I think people post these simply because they liked what they saw and think others will as well. Also, given that many people in this thread have been in environments where they can't freely express such attractions, taking advantage of this opportunity might be therapeutic and a positive experience for them.
6) Jokes/teasing. I think people post these because it's amusing and part of the community banter and bond-building. They can potentially go too far, and in some cases, the post is either ignored or criticized. Like for all of these, it's a balancing act.
(I'm probably missing some categories, so forgive me. I'm typing this quickly.)
Now, not all of these topics continue in productive ways, but generally they are always open to everyone to join in, and anything that doesn't fit into one of these molds tends to die out pretty quickly.
I'd say the conversation you and CB were having fits best into #2. However, the issue that I think people saw was that no one could engage. I mean, I don't think it's my place to comment on or give advice on how you and CB have sex. This exclusivity suggests that the community itself has no place in the conversation, which is probably why private messaging was suggested.
I could see an argument that generally this is similar to when people post about their hookups ("I had this really weird experience last night" or "I don't know how I feel about this act"), but I think those types of posts are inviting commiseration, advice, or affirmation.
Of course, there are some topics shared in here that very few care about, such that maybe the same two or three people will respond to something (perhaps a very specific experience or cultural interest). Some of these I really don't care about. However, such topics are categorically open to anyone participating, even if only a few will. I think, as is, people don't feel that potential for engagement with some aspects of the conversation you and CB were having.
I don't mean this as a criticismI think anyone can post in here what they wantbut I hope this makes it clearer why people are resistant to the conversation that was ongoing.
Also, this was entirely my opinion, so I apologize if I'm misrepresenting anyone in this thread.
EDIT: I hope no one hates me now.
You should be a mod! I mean this in a good way. You're so articulate and always contribute beautifully to any conversation.
This is a great post.
I love you Kirby! <3
Kirby for Mod 2016!!!
o/
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Queen Kirby~
MetalGearZed
Member
theres no way that saucer and that cup hit the floor that far apart from eachother. shit editing. get up ma'am you're a fraud
why would we hate you now Kriby? that was a well thought post
Oh my personal-deity-of-choice, you kill me!! 😂😂
I'm so glad I don't have roommates anymore.
But I do know that our neighbor's bedroom shares a wall with mine, so we are definitely the loud ones keeping her awake 👀
Probably that the women topics can come off as being in poor taste, or sexist, or crossing a line and making the environment hostile to women. There's really zero worry about this forum becoming hostile to men, straight men anyway, unless you guys can somehow turn this overnight into the steel mill in that one episode of the Simpsons, but then I guess that's more hostile to sexually insecure men.
Anyways, I decided to poke in here out of curiosity for the TQIA side of the spectrum, I feel like I probably count as a straight ... Graysexual? Gray asexual? And I haven't spoken on it much but I've been overly fascinated for I think my whole life on stuff that screws with gender, whether it's sex changing or defying gender roles. I may fill out that ice breaker questionnaire later if I feel like it, I have felt like it's time for me to be more open about stuff but there's some stuff I'm still too embarrassed to really talk about.
Aarglefarg
Member
Welcome.
Blood Diamonds
Banned
Hey, welcome
I think it's great that we're seeing more and more asexuals come into the thread. Hope you stick around TheAbsolution
Member
Someone who IS attracted by a sex, but it's weaker as I recall (I think that really may be just gray asexual). That is, I do feel I prefer women greatly, but most of the time it's more I LIKE how they look rather than actively getting aroused and with little desire to actually pursue a relationship. Which might make me an odd fit for the thread but I suppose that's a form of questioning whether it's being normally straight and just overly specific, or really a borderline asexual.Welcome!
I hope you enjoy your stay here.
What's a graysexual?
D
Deleted member 465307
Unconfirmed Member
You can call it graysexual.
I currently identify as demisexual and am still holding onto the graysexual label, since I see it as being anywhere between sexual and asexual.Welcome! When you get more comfortable, feel free to share those embarrassing things with us. I bet a lot of us have done or wanted things we were once embarrassed about, so you're in good company.
Yeah, thanks. And for anyone curious this is what I quickly found for a Google search on graysexual and I do feel that applies although it gets a bit broad.You can call it graysexual.
Welcome! When you get more comfortable, feel free to share those embarrassing things with us. I bet a lot of us have done or wanted things we were once embarrassed about, so you're in good company.
For just sexuality: it's partially that I do get embarrassed when people actually talk to me about that, guy talk type stuff like "man check her out" and while I may look and appreciate I feel uncomfortable voicing my opinions there. I guess part of it might be a sense of respect, but perhaps also that I'm not really like THAT, or that I do like seeing them but it's not worthy of talking about in that way?
EDIT: Also this may be me looking into things a lot and all, but I have heard about how gender/sexuality can correlate with finger digit ratio, how significantly longer ring fingers correlate with more testosterone exposure in the womb and closer to equal or longer index fingers can correlate with less testosterone exposure in the womb, and my index fingers do look to be equal if not longer than my ring fingers, so make of that as you will. Hell, it was a genuine surprise to me to find out ring fingers are supposed to be longer.
Klaymator14
Member
i have heard of that! not sure how much sexuality has to do with it, but my ring finger is quite a bit longer than my index, IM PUMPED WITH THAT TESTOSTERONE yEEEAAHHH FOOTBALLL
im still homo tho
D
Deleted member 465307
Unconfirmed Member
Regarding the embarrassment: I see. Well, I'd say that's going to take some introspection. I can think of a few possibilities, but it's up to you to figure out what is true for you. I used to act in a very similar way in the same situations with similar internal reasoning, but my final conclusion certainly isn't necessarily the same as the one you will reach. Could you elaborate on what you mean by "I'm not really like THAT," specifically the "THAT"? I was unclear if you were talking about behavior, sexuality, or something else.
If it means anything to you, my ring fingers are longer than my index fingers. I'm not sure what testosterone levels in the womb are supposed to signify (sexuality?), but I think I ended up with normal or high levels of testosterone and I identify more closely with gay than bi or straight when it comes to my sexual orientation.
I suggest you fill out the IBQ so we have a better idea of who you are.
lol you are too much
Yeah, I'll fill that out when I'm not on the phone, preferably with my schoolwork squared away. And the "like that" is more I think about... Hmm, that I just don't feel like pointing out girls to other guys that much? There can be an active disconnect with other guys at times I feel, but that's usually specifically when it's something like that. And admittedly I can feel nervous and anxious around BOTH guys and girls, so maybe that is some hint of latent bisexuality, but probably more just social anxiety from being extremely introverted. I did start taking Paxil within the last few months and have been feeling more like opening up again.Regarding the embarrassment: I see. Well, I'd say that's going to take some introspection. I can think of a few possibilities, but it's up to you to figure out what is true for you. I used to act in a very similar way in the same situations with similar internal reasoning, but my final conclusion certainly isn't necessarily the same as the one you will reach. Could you elaborate on what you mean by "I'm not really like THAT," specifically the "THAT"? I was unclear if you were talking about behavior, sexuality, or something else.
If it means anything to you, my ring fingers are longer than my index fingers. I'm not sure what testosterone levels in the womb are supposed to signify (sexuality?), but I think I ended up with normal or high levels of testosterone and I identify more closely with gay than bi or straight when it comes to my sexual orientation.
I suggest you fill out the IBQ so we have a better idea of who you are.
D
Deleted member 465307
Unconfirmed Member
Depending on your age and stage of life, things might change when you start to hang out with different guys and/or move to a new social environment.
Was your Paxil prescribed by a psychologist or psychiatrist? If so, they could be someone you could talk to in order to better understand your behaviors and psychological responses. If not, talking it out with friends and in places like this might be helpful. As of now, it sounds like you have a lot of uncertainty, so I hope you find some answers.
Welcome again!
brainchild
Banned
'Sup, you beautiful bastards.
I'm in a bit of a pickle. There's a super hot guy at one of my field operations for my job who keeps flirting with me whenever I come there. I'd love nothing more than to fuck the shit outta him, however, I know for a fact that one of my colleagues has a crush on him and is actively trying to court him. I feel really bad about this and it makes things awkward for everyone involved.
I don't wanna be an asshole, but at the same time, I haven't had some good dick in over 3 months and I'm feeling vulnerable. What should I do?
Also, you guys are awesome and I love you all with the burning passion of 10,000 suns.
Okay, I should probably put this bottle of Tito's Vodka down now.
I'm in a bit of a pickle. There's a super hot guy at one of my field operations for my job who keeps flirting with me whenever I come there. I'd love nothing more than to fuck the shit outta him, however, I know for a fact that one of my colleagues has a crush on him and is actively trying to court him. I feel really bad about this and it makes things awkward for everyone involved.
I don't wanna be an asshole, but at the same time, I haven't had some good dick in over 3 months and I'm feeling vulnerable. What should I do?
Also, you guys are awesome and I love you all with the burning passion of 10,000 suns.
Okay, I should probably put this bottle of Tito's Vodka down now.
SomedayTheFire
Member
do it, definitely.
Hmmm I can easily see your colleague getting bothered if you do something but at the same time have you expressed to your colleague interest on that guy? If so then maybe there won't be much drama about it but at the same time know the interaction might get awkward.
Is he interested in your colleague at all?
Because if he isn't, you're not really being an asshole, your colleague doesn't own super hot guy just because he is into him. If there is nothing between them you're not interfering with that, super hot guy is free to do what he wants either way though.
Depending on how close you are with your colleague you might want to talk to him first.
brainchild
Banned
You really think I should? My colleague would hate me for an eternity and a half. After all, he persued him long before I ever met either one of them.
Though their relationship seems to have gotten nowhere, it seems as though I'd be the shady one here. It's not like they don't flirt with each other... I don't know...
Maybe you're right though. But if this guy is flirting with me this much despite the relationship he has with my colleague, maybe that's just how he rolls. I'm not one for monogamy anyway, so I guess I just need to go for it.
They flirt with each other; it's definitely not one sided.
You guys have both given some good advice. I will talk to my colleague first. Not asking for permission, but just to get a better understanding of their relationship and to let him know that I'm interested as well.
brainchild
Banned
Mmm....
Anyway, I'm in the mood to watch a few [actually good] gay movies. Any recommendations?
Mmm....
Anyway, I'm in the mood to watch a few [actually good] gay movies. Any recommendations?
In the OP there is a list of films, shows and books. There are trailers for most if not all the movies in there
charmed699
Neo Member
Recommend Weekend. Great film.
brainchild
Banned
In the OP there is a list of films, shows and books. There are trailers for most if not all the movies in there
Will do, thanks!
I've seen this one, and yes, it's a very good film.
SomedayTheFire
Member
I do, honestly. Maybe if you want to cover your bases, try see what their relationship is in more depth. Are they a "thing", or does one just have a crush on the other and they flirt? Are you close to your colleague? I'd be thinking if this dude is flirting with you both, and you get there first a guys gotta eat, you know? Especially, if what you're saying is true, that their relationship is stuck in first gear.
I get what you're saying about you being the shady one and your colleague hating you, but if they have no actual thing going, I think do it.
A Single Man is a fantastic film.
shinra-bansho
Member
Motionless, pitch black, just the tip, two minutes tops; now that's where it's at.
Not on that list; Carol.
I've talked about it before but holy fuck this film is amazing, there is not a single frame of it I don't adore.
Mara and Blanchett do career best performances, the score is amazing, the cinematography is beyond terrific, the direction and writing is faultless, and I can just go on and on. Shamefully overlooked at award season thus far, but my favourite film of last year. Check out the trailer, and then rush to the cinema if it's still playing there, if not pick it up on whatever home media you prefer.
edit: Apparently it isn't out on blu-ray/DVD yet. So check your local cinema or wait until it gets out on disc in March.
kitchenmotors
Banned
Beautiful Thing. Probably my favorite gay movie ever, had a huge impact on me as a gay teenager. Plus, the soundtrack is amazing.
Dead Prince
Banned
Cold and silent.
Spine tingling sex
brainchild
Banned
Yeah, I agree with everything that you're saying, and it honestly does make me feel a little better about it. My colleague and I are close enough that we can have an adult conversation about it, so I'm gonna do that first, but honestly, I'm not sure that him potentially being mad at me would make me change my mind at this point. Now, if I find out that they're actually dating, then I'll just have to move on.
I mainly asked you guys because I wanted to get some outsider perspective, but this was the direction I was already headed in. Thanks for the advice!
Anyway, I haven't seen A Single Man. I'll definitely check it out now, thanks!
Thanks so much, guys! I'll be watching these as well.
charmed699
Neo Member
Read the summary and it seems like the sort of film that I would watch. I can relate to a shy teenager who isn't too sure about his sexuality. Thank you. I'll add it to my list of films to watch.
SomedayTheFire
Member
Concussion (2013) is a good film, albeit about a lesbian, not gay men. Trailer
brainchild
Banned
As long as the movie is good, I don't care if focuses on lesbians or gay men. And actually, I really need to start watching more lesbian movies. I feel a bit out of touch with their perspective in general.
Tbh I still don't know why pamplemousse getting dragged. But anyway
I hooked up with someone yesterday and it was awful and I felt gross and sad afterward 😂😂😂 terrible decision. Like I don't even want to hook up ever again so the fact that I did yesterday makes me really hypocritical RIP
I hooked up with someone yesterday and it was awful and I felt gross and sad afterward 😂😂😂 terrible decision. Like I don't even want to hook up ever again so the fact that I did yesterday makes me really hypocritical RIP
brainchild
Banned
It's not really hypocritical if you don't want to repeat what you feel to be a mistake from the past. That's just learning from your mistakes. Although not wanting to ever hook up again is a bit extreme.
Anyway, do you mind sharing what happened? I'm kinda curious about the 'awful' and 'gross' parts
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