Via Purifico
Banned
I've seen you in threads before Beth, you seem really cool. Welcome, Beth and Messiek.
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LGBTQIA+ |OT9| The Return of the Queen
- Thread starter Sibylus
- Start date
Dead Prince
Banned
Hi new guys. Welcome to our dysfunctional family
<+)O Robido O(+>
Member
Its gotten worse. There's even a NSFW chat for us degenerates. Its great!
(Aside from the incessant yammering about video games and Crazy Ex-Trashfriend)
I've seen you around gaf!! Welcome! \o/
DyslexicAlucard
Member
So there's a cute guy that works at my university Student Centre that I think I might want to ask out for a coffee. The problems are:
1) I don't know if he's single
2) I don't know if it's appropriate to ask him while he's working
3) I have never really asked anyone on a date before XD. I've dated people, but either I was approached, met on an app/online, or things just "evolved" naturally.
Any advice?
Also, side note: why does every fantasy game need giant spiders? Playing Witcher 3 and... yeah... :'(
1) I don't know if he's single
2) I don't know if it's appropriate to ask him while he's working
3) I have never really asked anyone on a date before XD. I've dated people, but either I was approached, met on an app/online, or things just "evolved" naturally.
Any advice?
Also, side note: why does every fantasy game need giant spiders? Playing Witcher 3 and... yeah... :'(
I should watch more of that...
D
Deleted member 465307
Unconfirmed Member
It's nice to have you, Messiek and Beth Cyra! And happy birthday to Grakl!
I'm writing this with the assumption that you only see this person at their work:
I'd suggest that you say something like, "Hey, you seem pretty cool. I'd like to talk with you when you're not at work. Perhaps I can give you my number?" Then you would talk about more details and be more clear about intentions via text/phone. I think that level of interaction is appropriate at work, especially if no one else is around and he isn't busy.
Do you know if he's gay/bi? If you don't know, it's probably the same language as it would be if you did: "I'd like to take you out on a date if you're interested." Note: I'd likely reserve this for texting/phone rather than doing that in a workplace. I think making it explicitly romantic in the work setting might be inappropriate, but I guess that would depend on the work environment. You could also figure out his sexuality on the first "date," but I'm more a fan of being upfront and honest about intentions as early as possible. It makes everyone more comfortable.
If you don't really know him, you could use the first "date" as just a "get to know you" meeting, and then if it goes well, ask him on a formal date after that like I suggested above.
The first problem isn't really a problem because he'll just say, "Sorry, I'm in a relationship" if he isn't single. I think I've already addressed the second problem above (do it when it won't impact his work or reputation and still be somewhat restrained in the scope and length of the exchange). The third problem is easy: just ask like you'd ask any other question. The only difference between this and other conversations is that you might fear rejection, but if you can accept that rejection is normal and fine and nothing to worry about (it happens to all of us!), then it'll be smooth sailing!
Good luck!
I'm writing this with the assumption that you only see this person at their work:
I'd suggest that you say something like, "Hey, you seem pretty cool. I'd like to talk with you when you're not at work. Perhaps I can give you my number?" Then you would talk about more details and be more clear about intentions via text/phone. I think that level of interaction is appropriate at work, especially if no one else is around and he isn't busy.
Do you know if he's gay/bi? If you don't know, it's probably the same language as it would be if you did: "I'd like to take you out on a date if you're interested." Note: I'd likely reserve this for texting/phone rather than doing that in a workplace. I think making it explicitly romantic in the work setting might be inappropriate, but I guess that would depend on the work environment. You could also figure out his sexuality on the first "date," but I'm more a fan of being upfront and honest about intentions as early as possible. It makes everyone more comfortable.
If you don't really know him, you could use the first "date" as just a "get to know you" meeting, and then if it goes well, ask him on a formal date after that like I suggested above.
The first problem isn't really a problem because he'll just say, "Sorry, I'm in a relationship" if he isn't single. I think I've already addressed the second problem above (do it when it won't impact his work or reputation and still be somewhat restrained in the scope and length of the exchange). The third problem is easy: just ask like you'd ask any other question. The only difference between this and other conversations is that you might fear rejection, but if you can accept that rejection is normal and fine and nothing to worry about (it happens to all of us!), then it'll be smooth sailing!
Good luck!
DyslexicAlucard
Member
Thanks for the quick reply! I'm 99.9% sure he's gay, as he has the inflection and dresses to suggest such. I think it's super cute. ^_^
I saw him today in the school library, but that was a first. If I see him there again though, it'd probably be the preferable place to talk.
If I remember, I might let you guys know how things go. The last few people I've went out with have more or less fizzled out on mutual terms. I just haven't found a strong connection yet. I'm not in a hurry though, as I have other things to focus on. That being said, I'd like to talk to this guy before the end of the semester, as I'll be done school in April.
<+)O Robido O(+>
Member
how so
Well religion and LGBT don't tend to mesh very well together, especially in finland, or so I feel.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Is he religious himself or just studying religion?
Thanks yall!
Yes you did, love that comic
We might as well change your name to Grankl now, old man.
Oh and
(I posted that I think 2 years ago for you I think?)
Yes you did, love that comic
DyslexicAlucard
Member
I did some back-reading after I read about what happened to Pample. I'm not gonna lie, this has hit me pretty hard. I feel so hard for his family right now. I also feel guilty about not doing anything about it. I know I'm not a major regular, I never said a negative word to him etc., but feelings aren't always rational. :'(
I know it's hard -- I literally *just* said I feel guilty over it -- but we can't blame ourselves. Everyone here did the best they could at the time. We all have our own issues as well, and no one could know that such a tragic thing could happen. I hope no one here feels genuine guilt after the initial urge passes. We can learn from this though. There's always room for improvement.
He did post about his issues in this thread often. However, imagine how much they were swirling around in his own head. Myself, I'm in the middle of one of my most depressed periods of my life -- if not the most. I know what it's like to have something stuck in your head and not be able to get it out. To have what people say (or what you *think* they're saying) constantly needle you and make you feel like absolute trash. To feel like there's no hope. It's extremely difficult to express to someone just how hopeless depression can make you feel, and how it completely saps your will to do anything. So, please, don't be upset that he wasn't able to overcome his mental health issues. I'm sure he was dealing with so much and did the best he could.
Feeling shame or anger or guilt isn't helpful. Right now, we just need to come together and make sure everyone here feels loved. Even if you dislike someone, think they post too much, are looking for attention etc., you don't know what's going through their head. I know there are posters here that are gorgeous yet still seem like they think they're hideous. It's easy to take this as someone fishing for attention, but you don't know what is in their head and what they're dealing with. I know that I will certainly be giving the benefir of the doubt even moreso than I used to, from now on.
Personally, the chat was a hit/miss thing with me. I met some fantastic people on there, and they helped me through some extremely rough times. I probably wouldn't even be out of the closet right now if it wasn't for them. I will always have a soft spot in my heart for it for that alone.
I also probably spent far too much time in it, but that's not really a negative on the chat so much as my own self-restraint and how much I enjoyed some of the members at the time. Plus... it was really nice to hang out somewhere I was accepted. I had (have) almost no friends growing up, and still have trouble making them today. I felt like a part of something, and it really helped give me confidence and increase my feelings of self-worth.
But, like with any other group of people, there was a lot of drama as well. This continued after I'd left ~14 months ago, and a personal incident bled into a public one. I now no longer feel like I'm welcome there because of this. I know that a good chunk (most?) would be fine with my presence, but even knowing that some aren't and think negatively of me is enough to keep me away. NGL, it's tough losing what was such a vital lifeline for me for a good chunk of time. But I feel like I have no choice but to appreciate what it gave me, let the feelings of anger and betrayal go, and move on.
That being said, I wouldn't discourage anyone from joining it. Yes, sometimes people there can be judgmental, or rude, or in a bad mood, or gossipy. It's like any other group, in that it's not perfect. But, to be honest, if I still felt comfortable joining it, I would. There are some terrific people there that are worth meeting. And, as an additional plus, it's nice having a place to go where there is someone to talk to at almost all times of day if you're needing an ear or just a shoulder. I know that's one of the things I miss the most when I'm having a hard night and can't find anyone to talk to at 4am.
TL;DR Please, please love each other and know that you are loved too.
I know it's hard -- I literally *just* said I feel guilty over it -- but we can't blame ourselves. Everyone here did the best they could at the time. We all have our own issues as well, and no one could know that such a tragic thing could happen. I hope no one here feels genuine guilt after the initial urge passes. We can learn from this though. There's always room for improvement.
Zero²;228586220 said:
He did post about his issues in this thread often. However, imagine how much they were swirling around in his own head. Myself, I'm in the middle of one of my most depressed periods of my life -- if not the most. I know what it's like to have something stuck in your head and not be able to get it out. To have what people say (or what you *think* they're saying) constantly needle you and make you feel like absolute trash. To feel like there's no hope. It's extremely difficult to express to someone just how hopeless depression can make you feel, and how it completely saps your will to do anything. So, please, don't be upset that he wasn't able to overcome his mental health issues. I'm sure he was dealing with so much and did the best he could.
Feeling shame or anger or guilt isn't helpful. Right now, we just need to come together and make sure everyone here feels loved. Even if you dislike someone, think they post too much, are looking for attention etc., you don't know what's going through their head. I know there are posters here that are gorgeous yet still seem like they think they're hideous. It's easy to take this as someone fishing for attention, but you don't know what is in their head and what they're dealing with. I know that I will certainly be giving the benefir of the doubt even moreso than I used to, from now on.
There is no Skype chat, however many members did move over to Discord and everyone is welcomed to join there! (though we recommend people to be 18 years or older).
The first time I joined the chat was back in 2014 when it was still Skype. I remember talking to a lot of people and talking to others that barely posted in the thread. I also remember that a particular chat member was very much dismissive and said something along the lines of "I've been in this chat for over X years, who the the hell are you?" Which was kind of ummm, not friendly, yet I didn't shy away from engaging with the members there, chatting and getting to know almost everyone. That same person who said that is super friendly and well liked by everyone, and who knows, maybe he was just having a bad day.
Many times I did feel ignored on the chat, but it wasn't something that put me off, because there are many other individuals going through hardships and hard moments and sometimes they might not seem that they are friendly or they might seem as if they are ignoring you, though it isn't like that.
I think Kitchenmotors can attest to this as well, who has been there since forever. Sometimes people in the chat will just drive by and say something and then it takes a long time for that individual to reply back to someone/continue a conversation. It's not that someone is ignoring someone else or avoiding them.
I have nothing negative to say about the group chat. Au contraire, It's been a very positive experience being part of the chat for almost three years. I have had the privilege and the honor to interact with a diverse group of individuals and even meet some of them face to face (also planning on meeting more of them) and many of us have made great bonds of friendship from simple online interaction.
Yes there is drama and arguing from time to time in the chat, but no one there means ill to anyone and in my opinion everyone is supportive to one another, to a certain degree. Many people have left the chat for many reasons and that's totally fine. No group chat is perfect, but for me the positives outweigh the negatives.
Yes there are groups of people who only keep to their circle, and maybe "ignore you" and that's totally fine. We see that happening in many other social interactions, especially at school, work etc. Yet I'd argue that I can be the one that goes over to that group, interacts with them, talks to them, becomes part of them and in the process expands their social group. I have successfully done it at school, at work, and even in the chat. People are shy, even on the internet, and even on a semi-anonymous group chat platform as Discord/Skype.
If I had to describe the group chat in a sentence it would be "beautiful gals and guys seeking validation and support"
You all are welcome to join the chat and see for yourselves.
Personally, the chat was a hit/miss thing with me. I met some fantastic people on there, and they helped me through some extremely rough times. I probably wouldn't even be out of the closet right now if it wasn't for them. I will always have a soft spot in my heart for it for that alone.
I also probably spent far too much time in it, but that's not really a negative on the chat so much as my own self-restraint and how much I enjoyed some of the members at the time. Plus... it was really nice to hang out somewhere I was accepted. I had (have) almost no friends growing up, and still have trouble making them today. I felt like a part of something, and it really helped give me confidence and increase my feelings of self-worth.
But, like with any other group of people, there was a lot of drama as well. This continued after I'd left ~14 months ago, and a personal incident bled into a public one. I now no longer feel like I'm welcome there because of this. I know that a good chunk (most?) would be fine with my presence, but even knowing that some aren't and think negatively of me is enough to keep me away. NGL, it's tough losing what was such a vital lifeline for me for a good chunk of time. But I feel like I have no choice but to appreciate what it gave me, let the feelings of anger and betrayal go, and move on.
That being said, I wouldn't discourage anyone from joining it. Yes, sometimes people there can be judgmental, or rude, or in a bad mood, or gossipy. It's like any other group, in that it's not perfect. But, to be honest, if I still felt comfortable joining it, I would. There are some terrific people there that are worth meeting. And, as an additional plus, it's nice having a place to go where there is someone to talk to at almost all times of day if you're needing an ear or just a shoulder. I know that's one of the things I miss the most when I'm having a hard night and can't find anyone to talk to at 4am.
TL;DR Please, please love each other and know that you are loved too.
Weba Beth! You need to visit us already
LOL heya Sibylus, I know I should have. Just between working 9 hours a day and then at the gym 3 1/2 to 4 hours a day I'm just shot and have barely even been on Gaf lately.
Thank you for warm welcome
Honestly I'm surprised anyone recognizes me lol. Thank you for the greeting!
Hopefully I wasn't to annoying in those moments
And thanks!TO anyone I may have missed and gave me a warm welcome, thank you I'm very grateful!
MetalGearZed
Member
Woah man, haven't been to this thread in the last few days and just heard about Pample
my heart sank when i realized what i was reading. he was one of the first people i became familiar with when i joined this community like a year ago
We pm'd once but it wasn't too personal so I definitely didn't know him as well as some of you but it was pretty obvious he was suffering heavily from self hate and depression. and seeing his face for the first time; it doesn't surprise that he was as cute as he was :/
I'll miss him derailing these threads and i wish he could have seen himself with a fresh set of eyes. inside and out
RIP
my heart sank when i realized what i was reading. he was one of the first people i became familiar with when i joined this community like a year ago
We pm'd once but it wasn't too personal so I definitely didn't know him as well as some of you but it was pretty obvious he was suffering heavily from self hate and depression. and seeing his face for the first time; it doesn't surprise that he was as cute as he was :/
I'll miss him derailing these threads and i wish he could have seen himself with a fresh set of eyes. inside and out
RIP
Only if you don't love yourself.
It's a questionable proposition.
Both.
CornBurrito
Member
Just realized those are straws . . .
To me that's always frustrating I don't even bother anymore.
I haven't done it in years, but it's too easy today. So many are triggered by the marches.
Hi Nudull and yep you are correct.
Elitist1945
Member
Lost my virginity last night. Probably wasn't the best idea to lose it to a guy with an 8 inch dick. My ass hurts.
But did you enjoy it? And congrats!
Elitist1945
Member
It was painful lol, so not really.
Did he tried taking it easy on you or not. That also has to do with the level of pain.
Dead Prince
Banned
Congrats. Make sure your inside is okay
Yeah was about to ask the same.
Did he relax you? And use plenty of lube?
Elitist1945
Member
He tried, and yeah we used lots of lube. His dick was just a little too big I think lol. I've never done anything ass related before so I imagine that plus his giant schlong is why.
kitchenmotors
Banned
Yassss
He looks so much better here in season 1 than season 2. He lost all that weight in season 2 and looked a bit too muscular.
The Emperor
Member
Thanks for the quick reply! I'm 99.9% sure he's gay, as he has the inflection and dresses to suggest such. I think it's super cute. ^_^
I saw him today in the school library, but that was a first. If I see him there again though, it'd probably be the preferable place to talk.
If I remember, I might let you guys know how things go. The last few people I've went out with have more or less fizzled out on mutual terms. I just haven't found a strong connection yet. I'm not in a hurry though, as I have other things to focus on. That being said, I'd like to talk to this guy before the end of the semester, as I'll be done school in April.
This is very exciting!!!! best of luck!!
A library would definitely be the best place to exchange numbers or something! Does he go to any groups or anything you could join? lol
------
Hope y'all in America are doing fine with recent events. Love trumps hate.
There were protests against trump with slogans supporting the LGBT community in my town in the UK on Friday on top of our tiny and only mall, so we got yer back lol
DOWN
Banned
My plan for the weekend has been to feel pretty constant worry about life in general and to enjoy reading about the marches
Urban Viking
Member
There's just so much shit coming from Trump's mouth, it's hard to catch up with everything, really. I don't even actively follow Trump-related news anymore and still get flooded with it wherever I go.
CornBurrito
Member
Facebook is so awful. Apparently a march/protest is disrespectful. Gee I thought it was an American right.
Apparently punching a literal nazi is wrong. Maybe not legal, but you cannot reason with facists and nazis.
Apparently property destruction is never justifiable. It never does any good. Boston tea party? What's that?
Apparently punching a literal nazi is wrong. Maybe not legal, but you cannot reason with facists and nazis.
Apparently property destruction is never justifiable. It never does any good. Boston tea party? What's that?
CornBurrito
Member
Apparently gay clubs need not exist because it's absurd to form social groups or spaces based around who you sleep with...
Jesus fuckin Christ.
Jesus fuckin Christ.
lol, straight clubs are basically the same thing, but for heterosexual people, I've never had a facebook account and I'm not planning to start one now, Zuckerberg also seems to not want to pin any blame on his social network for the state this country is in.
CornBurrito
Member
This person was also implying that like an LGBT board gaming group was dumb and pointless and some form of segregation. But then again these sorts of people like to be brogressive and pretend homophobia died in 2015. Or that wanting to enjoy a hobby with people more likely to be similar to you isn't wrong.
8 inches is ez, try harder duh
It's worth taking a chance, you never know.
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