WCW Monday Nitro 3/12/2001
The show starts with Jeff Jarrett already making his way to the ring. That's not a good omen. As it turns out, Dustin was hanging out behind Jeff's pyro and attacked. SWERVE! Actually, this probably means Dusty and Flair in the first segment, so maybe it isn't a bad omen after all. Shattered Dreams is now known as the "Dust Buster". Lol, RU4REAL? Well, they didn't come out, but this segment was Jeff coming out and getting kicked in the dick before he could talk, so I can't hate much on that.
TO THE BACK. Security footage reveals the Magnificent 7 have arrived.
Oh no, commercials aren't cut out of this. TomCats looks like a HORRIBLE movie. I don't even remember it. Horatio Sands, Gary Busey's son, and I think I saw Charlie Sheen somewhere in there.
TO THE BUFF CAM. Buff is filming a documentary on Ric Flair and his group. This is weird. Flair is cutting a Flair promo, but almost at a whisper. It's like they were cutting wrestling promos in the basement while their mom's were having a bridge party or something. Jeff comes in and asks where they were. Jeff made a bad choice of actually showing up to the show on time.
Show run down. We'll find out more about Kanyon and it's possible that the new owners will be in attendance tonight. That's going to be awkward.
TO THE BACK. Lol, Tony freaks out about something going on in the back and throws to it, but nothing happens. Then he tries again, but still nothing. It finally goes to the back after Tony has to ask three times. Midajah was knocked out or something. Steiner was mad. She JUST came back.
Jung Dragons vs Kid Romeo/Prime Time
Semi final match. Is it racist if I think Yang really does look like Glenn from The Walking Dead? Especially after Glenn got all in shape for season 3. A lot of action, but none of it particularly interesting. Romeo and Elix hit a powerbomb/neckebreaker combo. Yang did some weird move that only indie and Japanese wrestlers do. Like a leg crossed Michinoku Driver. I'm sure CIMA does it.
Yang Time misses. Play of the Day for the win. Kid Romeo and Prime Time head to the finals at Greed.
TO THE NITRO PARTY. Bleh.
TO THE BUFF CAM. The 7 are checking on Midajah. Scott is flipping out what happened and who allowed it. Scott wants to check the tape, but Buff said the battery was dead and he had to change it.
Team Canada vs The Mamalukes
Man, Vito's fucking tights. Jesus. Who let him go out there in those? They are the reason WCW got canceled. Awesome straight muscles Vito up for a power bomb. Jesus. That's some power. It won the match. Wow, Vito's stock dropped so fast. Over the summer he was teaming with Booker/Sting and facing Nash and Scott Steiner. Now he's a total jobber. Even worse than Hugh Morris. The Canadians continue the attack, but Hugh and Konnan make a save.
Christ, TNT was running a TWELVE hour Dirty Dancing marathon. Dirty Dozen Dirty Dancing Marathon. The actual ad basically acknowledges that it is torture and wants to know how long you think you could last.
Oh shit, it's Stacy! And she's got a baby carriage. I don't think she had been pregnant for 9 months. I'm not sure she had been pregnant for 6 months. She is going to reveal her baby when Shawn Stasiak comes out. Stacy takes off her mom dress to reveal a hot Stacy dress and dances for 30 seconds. It's time to reveal the baby. 8x10 glossies of Shawn Stasiak. What the fuck? Holy shit. I thought Russo was gone? The pay off to "who's the daddy" is pictures of Shawn Stasiak. Fantastic. Mean again heels on fat, bald, toothless, tattooed losers. This brings Bam Bam Big Yellow out. Face turn! This might be the dumbest resolution to an angle I've ever seen. So she faked her pregnancy this whole time? What? Holy fuck.
TO THE BUFF CAM. They play the tape from Buff's camera. Everyone bails out to get ready for matches or whtever. Animal leaves to touch up his paint. It's down to just Buff and Midajah. Buff puts the camera down to get a new battery when a hand moves the camera and Midajah screams. Now, the footage was shown directly through the production truck, even though they played it in a VCR in their room. So, both the camera itself and a random VCR are plugged in to the production truck.
The new owners have yet to show up in their seats. I feel like this angle is a SHOOT.
Booker comes out and calls anyone out. Scott Steiner comes out, but the DDP's music hits. He comes out of the crowd again. What's really weird is that DDP has an ear piece in. I don't know if that was to make sure things didn't go to long or to give him words to say or what. Scott is given a choice of facing Booker or DDP. He instead makes his own "fresh and brud" Rick to face DDP. Lex comes from the opposite side of the crowd and attacks Booker.
Booker T vs Lex Luger
If DDP interferes, he'll lose his title shot. Lex puts Booker in the Torture Rack. A ref comes out and rings the bell. Lex thinks he won, but it was actually the opening bell. SWERVE! Gross. Everyone was pretty sure WCW was going to be closed by the end of the month and it shows. Book End for the win. Rick Steiner attacks after the match. Cat makes a save. It's Kanyon! Flatliner? No Kanyon Cutter? BULLSHIT. Flatliner on the floor. DDP finally shows up for the save. He had to wait for his music I guess.
Evan Karagias vs Shane Helms
"Vertebreaker" the song is awful. As are Shane's pants. They'd make V1 Matt Hardy embarrassed.
This match isn't interesting at all, the announcers don't care about it, and the crowd doesn't care about it. So I won't care about it either. Vertebreaker for the win. Chavo attacks. Before the match, they said Chavo requested that Shane be "booked to death" by having a match on Nitro and Thunder while Chavo would have the week off. Despite having the week off, Chavo is wearing his tights.
TO THE BACK. This is more security cam footage kind of stuff. SMOOV is taking Disco's match with Kanyon. Disco actually wants the match, which is very out of character from him. He punches Disco out.
LAST WEEK. Dusty and Dustin talked in the locker room about the match at Creed. I can't believe this is the take they settled on, because Dusty was stuttering and stumbling the whole time. He sounded drunk. Jeff and Flair were watching this and commented on it. So this footage is from last week. Both of them. Neither were aired on television, but somehow Flair and Ric saw the footage and responded to it and we saw both of them a week later?
Kanyon vs SMOOV
Disco's music hit, but SMOOV is the one to come out. Apparently he's still dressed in his clothes from last week, has a herniated disc, a torn meniscus, and a concussion. It takes him an hour to get to the ring. This angle pissed a lot of people off. The day after they flipped the limo last week, they fired Crowbar. People thought it was pretty shady that they destroy a vehicle worth about as much as a mid carder, and then fire a mid carder the next day. Not that it mattered since everyone had given up hope on the Bischoff deal. Kanyon beats up SMOOV when he eventually gets to the ring. He hit four of the hardest chair shots I've ever seen that sounded like fucking gun shots. Jesus Christ. Disgusting. SMOOV kept getting up, though.
Rick Steiner vs DDP
Scott also came out for a long rambling promo where he said he was going to eclipse DDP's ass, wondered how many miles it takes before you need to rotate the tires on your house, and that the only time he associates with white trash is when they cut his lawn. I don't give a fuuuuuuuuuuuck about this. DDP hit a Diamond Cutter that Rick was supposed to block, but he took the move and DDP sold it. Something major was happening in the back and Scott Hudson darts off to check it out. Diamond Cutter! Bang! Animal runs and tries to powerbomb DDP. They fuck it up hilariously, then fuck up the Diamond Cutter as well. The rest of the group hits the ring.
TO THE BACK. Cat and Booker had been seriously injured and were restrained by medics.
Security take their sweet ass time to save DDP. He is still standing when Scott hits him very gingerly with the pipe.
This show was fucking weird. All the backstage segments were either through Buff's camera or from security cameras that WCW had installed to keep an eye on things. Full color, sound, and full motion. Was WCW planning to install these in every building they ran, because that's what Tony and Scott made it sound like. Then you had Midajah come back only to be attacked off screen and then not mentioned the rest of the show. Stacy comes back after months off to reveal that she gave birth to Shawn Stasiak pictures. But the weirdest off all was the Kanyon/SMOOV segment which was awkward, long, fucking brutal, and mean. Best of all, Kanyon isn't even fighting SMOOV at the PPV, he's fighting Cat, who didn't come out to help his limo driver at all. There was also the "New owners are supposed to be in the crowd, here are their seats" that they stopped mentioning about 25 minutes in.
It had a weird tone and feel to it, which I guess is understandable since everyone kind of realized right around that time that they were about to be out of a job in two weeks. On top of all that, Scott Steiner suffered a back and nerve injury and was in severe pain. They kept him out of the ring for this week hoping that he'd be able to work the PPV, but they were kind of iffy he'd even be able to take a bump. He could barely put any weight on one of his legs. That's not good when he's the champion, the company, and the main angle is built completely around him. Good thing WCW would be dead in 2 weeks anyway, I guess.
Let's look at the last set of storylines WCW would run:
Dustin/Dusty Rhodes vs Ric Flair/Jeff Jarrett
Scott Steiner putting all the face stars out of action, leaving no one for him to feud with.
Shawn Stasiak vs Bam Bam Big Yellow over Stasiak having a very specific dislike of bald, fat, toothless, tattooed people. Also, Stasiak is now with Stacy, who was faking her pregnancy for the past 9 (actually 7) months.
Kanyon vs The Cat and his limo driver
Totally Buffed vs Palumbo/O'Haire