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March Wrasslin |OT| Road To WrassleMania

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N

Nocturnowl

Member
djsandman said:
Punk was rattled man.....it was real. I tell ya he didn't know it was coming, I saw him say "What the fuck was that?".
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Anything can happen in the reality era! Punk Brooks didn't even respond to those interviewers on that wwe.com footage, he's legitimately pissed off.
 
I

Izick

Member
Mark Madden said:
The “Rock concert”…Oh, wait, I get it, ROCK CONCERT! HAW, HAW, HAW, HAW, HAW! OHMIGOD, FUNNNEEEEEEE!

If I may begin again: The 20-minute overflowing port-a-john (LIKE CENA, GET IT?) that closed this week’s Raw was criminally bad, and exemplary of why wrestling blows goats and why WWE, in particular, licks taint (if I may stoop to the fifth-grade level of humor preferred by those involved).

Who the FRIG needs a 20-minute promo?

Flair never did. HBK never did. Terry Funk never did. The Rock doesn’t. Nobody should. These time-wasting spectacles are a pitiful microcosm of WWE’s creative process being one giant colon blockage. WWE can’t think of anything entertaining, so they trot out a drawing card, legit or perceived, and tell him, “Talk.”

And…”talk some more.” And…”keep on talking.” And…”little bit longer.”

Wrestling is based on ACTION. People like to see ACTION. Promos have been the lifeblood of drawing money, sure, but this goes WAY too far. Where’s Eric Bischoff with Three-Minute Warning when you need 'em?

Could The Rock’s content have been any more juvenile?

The Rock made his bones being irreverent. But this was just stupid. Mom jokes? Really? We’re going to sell WrestleMania with mom jokes? With jokes about testicles, or lack thereof? With…uh, I forget what else The Rock said. That says something. I can still recite Flair’s promo that followed the 1992 Royal Rumble word-for-word. It had WEIGHT.

This was 20 minutes of throwaway that got a decent (but hardly overwhelming) response because it pandered to the live crowd. Leave “Cleveland rocks” to Ian Hunter. Anybody hear a sound like an outboard motor? THAT’S FREDDIE MERCURY SPINNING IN HIS GRAVE. I thought Mad Magazine came to life.

If you thought that was good, you’re wrong. That’s how bad it was. So rotten it transcends opinion. Self-flagellation for an audience of one.

Good thing The Rock has star power unrelated to WWE, because that match means zilch outside of that heading into WrestleMania.

HHH vs. Undertaker determines King Bad-ass. Well-promoted. Jericho vs. Punk determines the #bestintheworld. Good hook.

What does The Rock vs. Cena determine? At this point, it’s a couple of comedians in a fake wrestling match. Abbott and Costello go to WrestleMania. They should just cut 20-minute promos. Whoever puts the least people to sleep is the winner. Don’t even bother locking up.

The Rock isn’t going to bump, much less wrestle, until Mania. So keeping his dead ass out there singing songs for 20 minutes is WWE’s way of milking him for viewers. With WCW, we had KISS. Equally irrelevant, but at least they were pros. If you hated that, you should hate this, too.

And you should hate this. I haven’t read anyone else’s review because I didn’t want my thoughts prejudiced before I put fingers to keyboard. A lot of fans, particularly younger ones, tend to rubber-stamp WWE’s greatness because garbage like this is all they know. But I really do believe the “Rock concert” ranks up there with one of wrestling’s worst moments on many levels. Wasn’t funny, didn’t intrigue, didn’t promote. The problem was mostly material, but The Rock’s performance sucked, too. He executed like a part-timer. Couldn't save it.

I still expect Mania to draw a good buyrate, because it’s an annual event that marks purchase by rote. Which will justify excrement like this week’s Raw and further convince WWE their creative process is right on target.

But I honestly feel sorry for anyone who thought that was good. I seriously believe you may be losing your mind.

Did The Rock actually crack a TELETUBBIES/VANILLA ICE JOKE? HOLY F***.
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Link
 
K

Kaladin

Member
It's Wrestlemania season guys. Expect meaningless wrestling and 20 minute promos for every major angle on RAW. Expect mid-carders to all be thrown together in one big feud. Expect some celebrity involvement. Expect to see a repeat of those 20 minute promos each week on Smackdown. Expect this to continue till after April 2nd.
 
A

atomsk

Party Pooper
I still can't get over having to hear Cole say "attitudinal" OVER AND OVER AND OVER

I can just picture Vince in the back yelling SAY IT AGAIN DAMMIT
 
I

Izick

Member
Lothar said:
Oh, I didn't realize it was written by Mark Madden, the greatest wrestling announcer of our time. My bad.
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All is forgiven as long as you sacrifice a first edition copy of WCW's Greatest Hits on the first night of a new moon, at the stroke of midnight.
 
A

Aiii

So not worth it
Worst: A Wordy Explanation Of Why The Rock Failed Last Night That You’ll Skip Because You Assume You Disagree, Because You Think The Rock Is Funny And Cena Can’t Wrestle And You Have The Objective Reasoning Of A Goat And Are Part Of The Problem

America’s Funniest Home Videos.

I mentioned it last week, but the worst part of any episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos is when they show, I don’t know, a grandma and her teeth fall out, and it makes a BEEEEYOOOOP~ sound effect and it’s only funny to the three people who are related to her who were in the room and sent in the video, but they cut to the crowd and grown f**king adults are just LAUGHING THEIR ASSES OFF. That’s The Rock Concert. 20 minutes of grandma’s teeth falling out and people losing their goddamn minds.

Last night, the Rock made two kinds of people laugh: those who laugh at funny words, and those who laugh because they’re supposed to.

He brought nothing new to the table. Two weeks ago, John Cena legitimately shook him up by mentioning his wrist notes, accepting his criticism with sarcasm, telling him he’s gonna beat the mess out of him at Mania and bailing. The next week, Rock regurgitated Cena’s act, showing up and leaving quickly after offering only “I’m a big guy and you’re a bitch”. That’s enough for the two kinds of people who laughed at the Rock concert, but I thought hey, maybe Rocky’s gonna do what I was suggesting and break out some good, easy-to-find-and-write material against Cena and make him work.

Last night was not that.

Last night was funny words. For everyone who criticized Cena for shrugging off the Rock’s insults and acting like he didn’t care, take at look at Rock here, ignoring the small amount of build they’ve actually had to touch on the following:

1. John Cena looks like Fruity Pebbles
2. John Cena is Kung Pao chicken
3. John Cena is a Teletubbie
4. John Cena has no balls
5. John Cena has a vagina
6. John Cena is gay and likes buttsex
7. John Cena’s mom is a whore
8. John Cena is only supported by pathetic virgins

Read that. That’s what you’re laughing at. The only halfway good burn in the entire thing was Cena having a wife and not ever bringing that up in the Eve situation, but even that was bookended by so much Snootchie Bootchies f**king babytalk jibberish that I couldn’t appreciate it. He’s not saying anything. I can’t compare him to many more things in popular culture to make you get what I’m saying. He’s Aziz Ansari’s “Raaaaaaaandy” character from Funny People. He’s making loud noises and jumping around in a circle and you’re pissing yourself with laughter.

The worst part of it all is that he’s ruining older segments that I love. The Rock Concert is one of my favorite things ever, and now I won’t be able to laugh about the Lakers beating the Kings in May without hearing Journey 2 star Dwayne Johnson mumbling his way through sh*tty Queen karaoke. He’s Chris Benoiting his old segments for me.

And lord, for a guy who thinks Cleveland rocks so much, he sure isn’t consistent about it.


Long story short, this was agony. This isn’t about which guy I like more or which guy is “winning” the feud, it’s about 20 minutes of wasted TV where a guy plays one chord on a guitar and makes rhyming gags about buttf**king. The only Best here is that he’ll be gone in a few weeks.
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From Brandon Strout's Best anx Worst of Raw: http://withleather.uproxx.com/2012/03/the-best-and-worst-of-wwe-raw-31212
 
B

bart jr

Neo Member
On my way to Smackdown!

423947_379055872112639_100000246879576_1416781_1022119852_n.jpg
 
S

somedevil

Member
More Ratings Info: It did a 3.27 up from a 3.25.

The overall show averaged 4.82 million viewers, the most since the Raw after the Royal Rumble. The biggest positive coming out of this week's show is an increase in viewership in the second hour (which contained the HBK-Undertaker confrontation, C.M. Punk vs. The Miz match, and The Rock's concert).

The first hour averaged 4.67 million viewers, which has been standard the past four weeks. Instead of declining in the second hour, Raw's viewership increased to an average of 4.97 million viewers, the most second hour viewers since the night after the Rumble.
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P

Plywood

NeoGAF's smiling token!
Izick said:
Link
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Like I need to read the opinon of a guy named Mark.
Aiii said:
From Brandon Strout's Best anx Worst of Raw: http://withleather.uproxx.com/2012/03/the-best-and-worst-of-wwe-raw-31212
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He brought nothing new to the table. Two weeks ago, John Cena legitimately shook him up by mentioning his wrist notes, accepting his criticism with sarcasm, telling him he’s gonna beat the mess out of him at Mania and bailing.
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This clown too.
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
Green Ant vs Mike Quackenbush pretty much exemplifies everything I love about the serious side of CHIKARA - just some awesome hold-for-hold, catch-as-catch-can & lucha libre inspired wrestling, a well thought out and executed match-up that did a whole lot without ever doing too much, and some excellent storyline and character progression, all within the space of a 10 minute opening match. The commentators do a great job of selling the upset victory and it's great to see a crowd, especially one with so many kids and families in the audience, eating up technical, mat-based wrestling like this. Green Ant is really becoming something special, he shows improvement in pretty much every match, is so over with the fans thanks to the perfectly executed feud with Tursas, and I just love it when he shows off that freaky and unexpected strength (like when Quack goes for a sunset flip roll-up and Green Ant just dead-lift powers him out of it).
 
P

Perspicacity

Banned
Plywood said:
This clown too.
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Kayfabe yo. He's not saying John Cena legitimately shook him, he's saying the John Cena character legit shook The Rock character. Which at this point is canon.

And this was the best part of Withleather's B/W (besides the phrase "Better call Black Saul"):
Best: This Kid

KidLovesSheamus.gif


Hey kid, I know you’re trying to do the Sheamus taunt, but that’s how we used to make fun of retarded people
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BFIB

BFIB

Member
I figured Brodus would run w/ the gimmick for a few months, then turn heel.

He still don't have nothing on Ernest Miller.
 
N

NoRéN

Member
Bootaaay said:
Green Ant vs Mike Quackenbush pretty much exemplifies everything I love about the serious side of CHIKARA - just some awesome hold-for-hold, catch-as-catch-can & lucha libre inspired wrestling, a well thought out and executed match-up that did a whole lot without ever doing too much, and some excellent storyline and character progression, all within the space of a 10 minute opening match. The commentators do a great job of selling the upset victory and it's great to see a crowd, especially one with so many kids and families in the audience, eating up technical, mat-based wrestling like this. Green Ant is really becoming something special, he shows improvement in pretty much every match, is so over with the fans thanks to the perfectly executed feud with Tursas, and I just love it when he shows off that freaky and unexpected strength (like when Quack goes for a sunset flip roll-up and Green Ant just dead-lift powers him out of it).
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Green Ant: not so green anymore.

PWG and Chikara, the beet stuff out there at the moment.
 
L

Lothar

Banned
Last night was funny words. For everyone who criticized Cena for shrugging off the Rock’s insults and acting like he didn’t care, take at look at Rock here, ignoring the small amount of build they’ve actually had to touch on the following:

1. John Cena looks like Fruity Pebbles
2. John Cena is Kung Pao chicken
3. John Cena is a Teletubbie
4. John Cena has no balls
5. John Cena has a vagina
6. John Cena is gay and likes buttsex
7. John Cena’s mom is a whore
8. John Cena is only supported by pathetic virgins

Read that. That’s what you’re laughing at.
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And I laughed at it again while reading that list.

Especially the first three. You can't get any more random than that. It's hilarious.
 
L

Lunchbox

Banned
Aiii said:
1. John Cena looks like Fruity Pebbles
2. John Cena is Kung Pao chicken
3. John Cena is a Teletubbie
4. John Cena has no balls
5. John Cena has a vagina
6. John Cena is gay and likes buttsex
7. John Cena’s mom is a whore
8. John Cena is only supported by pathetic virgins
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rock marks....

Sne3i.jpg
 
Z

ZeroRay

Member
Awesome job on the sign, Bill.

You coming to the Miami meet up, right?

Oh, I'm Jericho btw.

Edit: I like you're style bart jr. Even if you do support miscreants like Teddy.
 
I

Ithil

Member
I wonder where the WWE will be in 5 years.

You never know how stuff is going to blow up, or bomb, or just be unexpected, or how fast things can change (like Punk going from a constant mid carder to an established main event guy thanks to one storyline).

Who will be on top? Who will be long gone? What's the status of Cena? Is Vince still in control of everything? Have the guys being groomed for the main event, or having just reached it, worked out and become big successes? Had low card or mid card guys from today unexpectedly struck a chord and become big hits? How many more wrestlers have died?

This business is so random, it's impossible to really get a glimpse into the future.
 
B

BoboBrazil

Member
Ithil said:
I wonder where the WWE will be in 5 years.

You never know how stuff is going to blow up, or bomb, or just be unexpected, or how fast things can change (like Punk going from a constant mid carder to an established main event guy thanks to one storyline).

Who will be on top? Who will be long gone? What's the status of Cena? Is Vince still in control of everything? Have the guys being groomed for the main event, or having just reached it, worked out and become big successes? Had low card or mid card guys from today unexpectedly struck a chord and become big hits? How many more wrestlers have died?

This business is so random, it's impossible to really get a glimpse into the future.
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There's no upswing coming. There is nothing the WWE will do to make the business hot again and nothing they will do to make it cool again. In 5 years they will be struggling to get 2.0-2.5 ratings, Cena will still be on top, and they will have added another failure to their growing list with the WWE network.
 
B

BillRiccio

Member
ZeroRay said:
Awesome job on the sign, Bill.

You coming to the Miami meet up, right?

Oh, I'm Jericho btw.

Edit: I like you're style bart jr. Even if you do support miscreants like Teddy.
Click to expand...

Thanks. To quote one Mr. Kevin Nash "Were taking over!"

I will be in Miami for Wrestle Mania weekend. In fact my ticket for Mania arrived in the mail toady. My lifelong dream of going to Wrestle Mania will soon be coming true!
 
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