He won last year.
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March Wrasslin' |OT2| The Road To Raw After Wrestlemania XXX has begun....
- Thread starter Kaladin
- Start date
- Status
He won last year.
This makes sense to me and I agree with it.
That sounds like a good idea to me. I think that is probably the best way to go.
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Spider from Mars
tap that thorax
Trying to be unpredictable I guess.
I thought last nights show was better than round 1 but I still didn't love it.
FallingEdge
Member
the results were totally unexpected and a bit of a wtf move as well.
bean breath
Member
Darn it all to heck.
This makes sense to me and I agree with it.
That sounds like a good idea to me. I think that is probably the best way to go.
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What does Mike Tenay's private life have to do with his immense wrestling knowledge and ability to provide great commentary? The best wrestling commentator working today quite frankly.
funkystudent
Member
Tenay likes S&M
Lawler likes underage girls
JR is a offensive prick.
Oh god. What is going to be wrong with Tony Schiavone?
Lawler likes underage girls
JR is a offensive prick.
Oh god. What is going to be wrong with Tony Schiavone?
Who do you think got Lawler into underage girls?
bean breath
Member
I signed back up for a WWE Network free trial.
I'm so weak.
I'm so weak.
But now he has a beard and still has all of his hair. Look at everyone else he worked with: JR is an old coot who is possibly racist and generally kind of a prick. Bobby Heenan can't even speak. Larry Zybszko is a bitter old shit head. Mike Tenay is in TNA. Jesse Ventura is trying to hide from black helicopters. Mark Madden had a heart attack and works for fucking WrestleZone.com. I'd say Tony won.
You are, sure... it's free. But there are other costs associated with it. Like your conscience. Your pride. Pride is my fav sin btw
bean breath
Member
I never knew you were so spiritual.
Could it be that you are just burning yourself out with a schedule like that? It seems kind of exhausting and hard to maintain. Have you tried using a bit more moderation and seeing if you were able to stick with it longer?
BIONIC-ARRRMMM!!
Member
Wasted away again in Margaritaville~
bean breath, while I appreciate your efforts to expand wrasslegaf's reach in the OT, I can't help but feel that I may be an unforeseen casualty in that thread. So, I just want to be clear that my posts were kayfabe and not at all a shoot at anybody in particular or their lifestyle. Live and let live is my motto. I felt the very nature of my posts were obvious, but it seems that as of late they are being misconstrued as actual criticisms. It seems that the very times of this forum are changing and the once laid back and prosperous OT is seeing a change in tone. I can only hope that during these trying times we may still unite safely under this one thread, free of snitches and so if you agree with me, please shake my hand.
That's their fault for being S-A-W-F-T. SAWFT!
Say what you want, but there's some good stuff brewing in certain corners of the TNAverse!
D
Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
Yeah he's got a lot of fun phrases. "He looked at me like I had steaming turds coming out of my mouth"
bean breath
Member
Maybe if you change avatars often, people won't recognize you and they'll forget your past transgressions.
bean breath
Member
There's a Wrestling related topic in the Off-Topic forum:
Post pics of Wrestling Championships you Love or Hate ITT
Post pics of Wrestling Championships you Love or Hate ITT
D
Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
Wrestlemania 23 Review - Part 1 - NOTE: WWE Network has been giving me HELL making gifs so you get just a few. It's a shame, but at least I got some. For now.
Wrestlemania 23: All Grown Up
What a dogshit tagline. I understand it's supposed to be some kind of journey through youth and then what makes you a MAN or a WOMAN but fuck, when I hear "All Grown Up" I want to say no, you're still a toddler. Enough of that shit. Let's start the show.
We have JR and King on commentary, JR says they have "More fans than at the Super Bowl" for this one. Then we ALSO have MAGGLE and JBL...and then a THIRD table with Joey Styles and Tazz. All six of these motherfuckers will call a match later. Ridiculous. They're at Ford Field in Detroit. Wonder how it's looking now?
Money in the Bank Ladda Match
Jeff Hardy vs King Booker vs Finlay vs CM Punk vs Kennedy vs Matt Hardy vs Randy Orton vs Edge
This looks like it'll be a mess on multiple levels, especially commentary as all three groups are commentating at once. Finlay kicks things off in earnest after a feeling-out period for everyone with a Celtic Cross on the ladder and shit starts to go down. Someone grabs a Babby Stepladder and starts beating the piss out of people. My notes need some work because it doesn't say WHO used the Babby Stepladder but someone sure as hell did. Probably Finlay since he had a midget around. Early on, Punk is busted open and bleeding. Kennedy looks like shit in this because I hate Kennedy, not because he actually looked like shit. I just cannot stand that dude. Weird quote from JR, "No ladder match in their whole opposition teams" WTF does that even MEAN? Nothing.
Edge eventually spears everyone. Punk does the ladder helicopter spot. I always thought that was stupid. Jeff Hardy has this all wrapped up to win but Matt goes "Hey fucker act a fool" and presents Edge outside the ring. JEFF JUST CAN'T RESIST THE FALL and does a sick, stupid bamp to the flaar. Looked fucking painfuuuuul. Matt capitalizes and tries to get up, then it's Orton RKO time and everyone gets a taste. An RKO of the ladder to Punk, looked insane. Booker T hits the Book End off the ladder too, because we may as well do these things for everyone. All finishers off of the ladder. Sharmell interferes but the tables have turned, darkness, and Matt holds her hostage getting Booker to come down off the ladder. Hornswoggle runs in somewhere to try to get the briefcase for Finlay. It's obvious this little fucker can't reach it. Kennedy does try to redeem himself by hitting his finisher to Hornswoggle off the ladder. That shit has GOT to turn, god DAMN. Punk then dropkicks the ladder knocking Finlay off, he goes up, Kennedy comes up, gets shoved off, comes back, Punk takes a ladder shot to the face and Kennedy is up and wins. Fucking Kennedy....
Kennedy.
Winner: KENNEDAAAAAY
Batista's "All Grown Up" vignette airs, and then it's time for:
Match 2: The Great Khali vs Kane
Oh lord jeezus. Not good at the start, Khali has some serious issues throwing strikes effectively. Then he starts...using some ring psychology? He starts working on Kane's shoulder and arm, to stuff his chokeslam. However Khali's kicks look like trash. Crowd is 100% behind Kane on this. Khali quickly gets tied up in the ropes, as all giants do. Kane goes to get some plunder and grabs a STRAIGHT UP TERRIFYING MEAT HOOK FROM SEE NO EVIL. WHY IS THIS BEING BROUGHT AROUND KHALI?! Kane hits Khali with a nut shot with the...chain. Not the hook. Thankfully. Hits a body slam to Khali. Khali gets up and hits a monstrous tree slam to Kane. 3 count. No fanfare. Shit match. Post-match, Kane gets choked by his own meathook. I would never let that hook anywhere near Khali. Dangerous.
Divas "All Grown Up" Vignette
Cryme Tyme w/Eugene backstage segment. Tries to teach him how to dance, brought Layla, Kelly Kelly, and someone else to help teach him with some music. Then...it gets weirder. Mae Young and Moolah show up, Slick shows up, and it's weird - Slick look like a gigantic baby in a suit. Dusty Rhodes shows up, Sgt Slaughter, IRS (what), Ricky Steamboat, Gene Okerlund...everyone's dancing like idiots. Fuck this.
Match 3: US Title Match - MVP vs Chris Benoit
MVP comes out with a huge contingent of cheerleaders. He was still somewhat new at the time so he was playing up his sports gimmick. I'll just go ahead and say it, this was a huge surprise. Shitloads of chain wrestling. Very counter-heavy grappling, and this must have made Vince pissed off. I've heard the stories about Vince telling MVP to dumb down his moves, but he was doing a showcase tonight and it was wonderful. Benoit is also a perfect partner to do this style with, you could tell it was all instinct and came naturally to Benoit. Benoit is busted open early on. From chain wrestling?!
Lots of talk about MVP's contract money in WWE. MVP works Benoit's shoulder the whole match, playing off the idea that he can't use the Crippler Crossface if his shoulder is fucked. Benoit ducks a kick, hits 3 Germans as he does. Goes for the diving headbutt, gets stopped early. Superplex into a pin reversal. MVP continues working the shoulder, which is awesome. Benoit fakes out MVP's big boot, doubles back and gets hit with it on the second run. Great set of reversals, and the announcers really played up that MVP did his homework and "studied game tapes" of Benoit to counter him and it shows. MVP fights out of the Crossface, hits the Ballin Elbow, and then we see 2x Germans from Benoit. MVP blocks the third. Reveral, reversal, and three MORE Germans from Benoit. That's 8 goddamn German Suplexes onto MVP in one match. After Benoit hits the last set of 3, diving headbutt for the victory. Really showed off MVP in this match and put him over like a star. GREAT match.
Undertaker "All Grown Up" Vignette. Which is to say he isn't all grown up.
Trump is backstage, talking shit. Boogeyman enters, singing Old MacDonald. Chilling. Trump gives no fucks, and orders Boogeyman to go get him food. So he...does. And then there's a Mini Boogeyman who gets in his face and that's the end of this stupid fucking segment.
Class of 2007 HoF vignette. Mr. Fuji, Bockwinkel, Stone Cold inducts JR, Mr. Perfect, Afa and Sika, The Sheik...good class. McGillicutty sighting! Shatner inducts Lawler into the HoF. Dusty Rhodes, some others.
80,103 attendance announcement.
Finkel is led to the ring, calls out the HoF class. Then they show a poll between "Who ya got? Taker or Batista" and it's 82% Taker winning. Poor Batsman.
Match 4: World Heavyweight Title Match - Da Undatakah vs Batista
Teddy Long announces the match, and Druids come out. Because Druids. Taker comes out of a shining light with a fuckton of smoke. JR calls him "The best pure striker" so I want to shit myself out of spite. Batista comes out after getting lost on the entrance ramp (it's monstrous!) and kicks things off with a spear. Taker does his "patented MMA strikes" which I'd like to see the goddamn patent for. Taker drags Batista out of the ring. Lots of fighting outside of the ring. Bats tosses Taker into the steps, does a funny-looking bump I hope I'll gif. Batista does a flying shoulderblock off of the top rope, a strange thing to see Batista hitting. Taker hits Bats with a big boot, then Batista hops up and clotheslines Taker. Taker hits Batista with ANOTHER huge boot (and it looked monstrous) - then grabs Batista's wrist so he can daintily walk across the ropes for "old school" - Taker then goes for the Chokeslam, Batista powers out of it and rolls out of the ring. Taker punches Batista who is on the apron, outside the ring, then does a brutal legdrop on the apron to off of the floor. Huuuge, looked great.
Then a Taker dive out of the ring to Batista. Batista's taking care of Grandpa Undertaker out here, unlike Shawn Michaels who was just fine having Taker die outside.
Batista's getting pissed, manages to turn the tables and destroy a couple - throws Taker through the timekeepers' station, we get the token Lillian Garcia fleeing spot, then it's time to destroy the ECW table. Tazz runs away. They make their way to the Raw table, and Batista hits a HUGE slam on top of the table, turning it to pieces.
Taker is getting the shit kicked out of him here, and it looks fantastic and believable. Back into the ring. Batista goes for a Batista bomb, it's countered! Then countered again and Taker gets his with a belly to belly! Another counter, Taker with a immense Last Ride that gets countered. Huge amount of air on that. Then a BIG chokeslam from Taker! Batista makes his way up, hits another spear, then hits a Batista Bomb on Taker. ONE TWO DID HE GET HIM NO JUST TWO. Goddamn! Batista goes for a second Batista Bomb to put Taker down, reversed into a backdrop, then it's TOMBSTONE CITY as Gorilla Monsoon would say and that's that. Hell of a match.
Babby Lashlie Video Package - All Grown Up
Vince backstage segment where he talks to a baby
A baby
Match 5: ECW Originals (Sandman, RVD, Sabu, Fatty Dreamer) vs The New Breed (Matt Striker, Elijah Burke, Marcus Cor Von, Kevin Thorn)
This junk didn't last long. Sandman hits a top rope legdrop off of the apron, pretty wild. Crowd is totally dead and so was I. Fuck this. I'm just not into it. They call RVD the leader. There WAS a wild-ass monkey flip spot though. Striker takes the pin for the loss.
Tommy Hearns is in the crowd.
Billionaires vignette. TIME FOR THE BATTLE!
Match 6: The Battle of the Billionaires - Vince McMahon (Umaga) vs Donald Trump (Bathturd Lashley) - Loser Gets His Head Shaved
This is exciting because Vince is insane and Trump is insane as well. The barber's chair has its own entrance and floats to the stage, it looks friggin hilarious. Lots of wild shit going on here. Umaga's entrance music is so good for him, he really is believable. It's magical. I miss him a LOT, he was something special. "Vince Needs Jesus" sign in the crowd. Trump enters, and money falls from the sky. I got a good look at some of the bills floating down and they were $1s. Camera would show someone holding up a $100 - fuckin planted shit! About $500 in $1s and pass out a couple $100s for people to hold, pretending like the poors in the crowd wouldn't get in a fistfight over this. They fucking would.
McMahon applauds vigorously for Umaga's entrance. He eyes the barber's chair strangely...and it's enjoyable. Armando Estrada is with Umaga also. Good stuff. Goddamn Umaga's music is good.
Lashley comes out to a far more boring entrance. When Trump enters with that fake money it looks MUCH worse than when Okada comes out and makes it rain. Times have changed you old shit. Watching him look at the barber's chair. He probably has no concept how it is used. He's a weird fucker. Stone Cold is our special referee tonight and he kinda doesn't look so good. Whatever. Let's get into the match.
2:18:30
JR talks about Lashley's undefeated streak that's been over for a while. Apparently this shit happened last year. I'm really looking forward to this match, both of these guys will work real well together. Bunch of trading spots to show of both competitors' strength. It might just be me, but I take Umaga a hell of a lot more seriously than Lashley. Lashley looks like he's filled with pillows. Umaga is just a big slab of meat. Lashley gets more technical and it pays off for him, Estrada working outside the ring to keep Umaga from getting pinned early. Lashley wastes no time and beats the piss out of Estrada within the first minute. Ridiculous. Why even bother. Get outta here Estrada! Thrown out of the ring, and holy christ, Umaga goes to tackle Lashley, Lashley pulls down the rope and Umaga takes a hellish spill straight out of the ring. GOD DAMN. He's up, surprisingly. Then Lashley goes for a shoulder block/spear and Umaga sidesteps, and Lashley takes a sick-fucking-bump. Goddamn you two settle down! This is the first FIVE minutes of the match, folks. Umaga starts choking Lashley against the ropes and Austin slaps Umaga for not breaking at the five-count. Goes back to choking, they get into it again. Umaga takes a couple punches then throws Lashley on his ASS with a brutal clothesline. These two are fun to watch because they both give no fucks and can take a beating. Umaga with a bunch of butt splashes. I know it sounds stupid, but Umaga gets some awesome height on his Samoan Drop. Looks wonderful. Lashley gets a little bit of offense then tried to scoop slam Umaga and can't get it done. Heat's back on Umaga. McMahon onto the apron, Lashley bumps into Vince. Shame on him. Umaga capitalizes, throws around Lashley some more. Umaga goes to the top and gets tossed off by Lashley. Shane McMahon appears to console his father! Alright Shane let's get it happening! Vince making a lot of happy faces. Stone Cold bump, Shane comes in and does his trademark whiffed punches to Lashley. Umaga continues to beat the shit out of the selling machine, Babbie Bathturd. Vince throws a trashcan to Shane, props it up against Lashley, and he does a Van Terminator onto the trash can. Not bad. Shane removes his shirt to reveal...A REFEREE SHIRT! HE'S GONNA SCREW TRUMP! Pulls Lashley into the center of the ring, Umaga goes up to splash from the top rope, and nails him with a gargantuan splash. Shane starts counting 1, 2, then Austin yanks Shane out at the count of 3 and beats him down. Umaga beats on Austin. This is going to get stupid. Trump tackles McMahon and punches him! Umaga goes for a Samoan Spike on Austin, Austin ducks and stunner! Stunner! Lashley does one move and then wins! Vince cries, pets his hair - this is actually the last time we'll see Vince with good hair. I loved that hair. Vince stumbles around aimlessly, sad...very sad, and I am sad too. Austin throws McMahon into the ring just to give him a Stunner. Shane interferes! Gets a Stunner for his troubles, Vince crawls away, and tries to sneak out. Lashley finds him, though, and puts him on his shoulder and brings him back to the ring. It's time. I can't go on. This is too sad.
They actually do a pretty good job, quickly, of shaving Vince's head. And we got ECW Vince out of this so that's a bright spot. Still...a shame. I miss you, Vince. Then Trump gets a stunner for no good goddamn reason.
John Cener All Grown Up vignette. Bleh.
Bunch of Divas come out for some kind of match. No idea who most of these women are...oh hey, they're Lumberjills for:
Match 7: Ashley Massaro vs Melina in a Lumberjill Match
Wow, Ashley is REALLY pretty. Melina's wearing pants that sure as hell look see-through. I'm gonna have to study this match.
One of the things that cracks me up about some of these women's matches are when people do rope bumps, slingshot-like. They don't have enough weight to challenge the ropes, so they just kinda carome off the side. Oh lord it's a screaming match. Melina is wearing what appears to be bear boots. Shame on her. Melina hits Ashley with a Cesaro Swing. I counted 2 revolutions after "GET READY FOR THE RIDE" and all that. Melina does the whole "put my boot on your back and try to rip your arms out of the socket" move I did once, long ago, when I was drunk and angry. I wonder what JoMo is up to. Wonder if this was all worth it. Pin reversal for 3, Melina wins, and I think I saw a vagina. NOW ALL THE LUMBERJILLS ARE IN THE RING WRESTLING MAGGLE. Ridiculous. Lots of bare feet. I hate feet.
Match 8: Shawn Michaels vs John Cena for the WWE Championship
Michaels enters to DX music, dressed nothing like a DX Shawn. That's fine by me. John Cener is apparently in a speeding Ford Mustang and driving to the ring, recklessly. Drives INTO the arena through some glass. Then he hurriedly switches seats with the driver and gets out! What a guy. The crowd surprisingly sounds completely dead on all fronts. Pretty strange. Let's get happening. Cena is the current World Champion AND Tag Champion. No clue who he was tagging with at the time.
Goddamn, Cena looks to be fresh and in great shape here. A far cry from the Cena we get today, but he busts his ASS. It's just nuts how much a handful of years at his position can do to you. "Sign Guy Sucks" sign. I agree completely. I hate that dude.
Shawn beckons to Cena to get him in close. Talks a little shit, offers his hand, Cena thinks about it. It's a tough call - do you shake SHAWN MICHAELS HAND? Doesn't matter, because Michaels slaps the shit out of Cena's mouth and then pushes him away and makes him eat a crotch chop. After a few minutes of chain wrestling and strike exchanges, I gotta say, these two mesh real well together. And man, Shawn still has a good amount of hair. Cena eventually hits Michaels with a wicked clothesline that almost murders him. Shawn's makin' some faces. Cena is far and away the heel in this match, people got behind Michaels pretty quick, which I don't believe was meant to be the case. Michaels and Cena go outside of the ring, Michaels eventually hits a moonsault from the second rope onto Cena. Looks pretty bad, but it did the job. Michaels starts to work over the leg of Cena. Ringpost spots, all that shit. It's been about ten minutes and this match has been heavy on strikes. Michaels is just slapping the piss out of him and chopping his balls off.
Audio has a HUGE drop when Michaels knees down to speak to Cena. Not sure what they cut out, but they cut something, fa sho. Cena eventually gets out of the way and Michaels hits the ring post. This match moves REALLY slow, but that's a main event for you. Now Cena's on the offensive. Clotheslines, shoulder blocks, and OH GOD HBK IS BUSTED OPEN. CRIMSON MASKKKKK. Cena hits Michaels with the 4 Moves of Doom because he misses the fifth. Now it's time for shit to get cranked up. Flair corner bump that Michaels always does. Reversal on that superkick, it nails the ref! Ref spills out of the ring. That ref took it like crazy. Cena then hits Michaels with the FU, up and OH GOD IT WAS COUNTERED WITH A DDT! A DDT! BAH GAWD! Now it's time to rest. Michaels eventually rolls on out of the ring and takes apart some steps. Drags Cena out, and pulls Cena up for a PILEDRIVER ON THE STEEL STEPS. Good god yall that looked amazing. Cena's opened up on his head. Blood everywhere! Ref's still out, so Shawn calls for another to count for the pin but it took JUST long enough not to get the 3.
Michaels eventually does what LOOKS like a diving face-touch. It was really friggin weird. Kip-up by Michaels, hits his old finisher, the flying elbow from the top. Only one problem with hitting that move - it ain't enough. Michaels knows this and now it's time to "tune up the band" so he does a lot of pacing and holding his hands out like he's got problems. Stamp stamp stamp. Crowd going wild. Cena gets up and Shawn goes in and gets smashed with a Cena clothesline. Yay/Boo trading chants. Cena with the FU, Michaels drops behind for a Sunset Flip, Cena gets out, and then it's time for another FU - this time Michaels eats it, Cena drags ass and gets a 2-count. Cena puts Michaels on the top turnbuckle. Exchanging punches. Cena gets Michaels up for an FU on the top, but Michaels bats his way out of it. Knocks Cena down, and it's time for a cross body. CENA'S INCREDIBLE STRENGTH puts him back up for another FU, but Michaels reverses it! Goes for the superkick, Cena ducks it, goes for the STFU, reversal, reverals everywhere! Michaels misses an enzugiri and puts Shawn in the STFU. Wiggles, cries, complaints, and this STF actually looks pretty good. Michaels gets to the ropes though. Ref pulls off Cena and they fuck briefly in the ring, or at least that's what it looked like. Gives Shawn time for the Superkick and it nails Cena on the chin. Good shot. 2-count as expected. Both of them up at 9. Cena gets Michaels in the middle of the ring with the STFU and that's a wrap, Michaels taps. Not bad.
Wrestlemania 23: All Grown Up
What a dogshit tagline. I understand it's supposed to be some kind of journey through youth and then what makes you a MAN or a WOMAN but fuck, when I hear "All Grown Up" I want to say no, you're still a toddler. Enough of that shit. Let's start the show.
We have JR and King on commentary, JR says they have "More fans than at the Super Bowl" for this one. Then we ALSO have MAGGLE and JBL...and then a THIRD table with Joey Styles and Tazz. All six of these motherfuckers will call a match later. Ridiculous. They're at Ford Field in Detroit. Wonder how it's looking now?
Money in the Bank Ladda Match
Jeff Hardy vs King Booker vs Finlay vs CM Punk vs Kennedy vs Matt Hardy vs Randy Orton vs Edge
This looks like it'll be a mess on multiple levels, especially commentary as all three groups are commentating at once. Finlay kicks things off in earnest after a feeling-out period for everyone with a Celtic Cross on the ladder and shit starts to go down. Someone grabs a Babby Stepladder and starts beating the piss out of people. My notes need some work because it doesn't say WHO used the Babby Stepladder but someone sure as hell did. Probably Finlay since he had a midget around. Early on, Punk is busted open and bleeding. Kennedy looks like shit in this because I hate Kennedy, not because he actually looked like shit. I just cannot stand that dude. Weird quote from JR, "No ladder match in their whole opposition teams" WTF does that even MEAN? Nothing.
Edge eventually spears everyone. Punk does the ladder helicopter spot. I always thought that was stupid. Jeff Hardy has this all wrapped up to win but Matt goes "Hey fucker act a fool" and presents Edge outside the ring. JEFF JUST CAN'T RESIST THE FALL and does a sick, stupid bamp to the flaar. Looked fucking painfuuuuul. Matt capitalizes and tries to get up, then it's Orton RKO time and everyone gets a taste. An RKO of the ladder to Punk, looked insane. Booker T hits the Book End off the ladder too, because we may as well do these things for everyone. All finishers off of the ladder. Sharmell interferes but the tables have turned, darkness, and Matt holds her hostage getting Booker to come down off the ladder. Hornswoggle runs in somewhere to try to get the briefcase for Finlay. It's obvious this little fucker can't reach it. Kennedy does try to redeem himself by hitting his finisher to Hornswoggle off the ladder. That shit has GOT to turn, god DAMN. Punk then dropkicks the ladder knocking Finlay off, he goes up, Kennedy comes up, gets shoved off, comes back, Punk takes a ladder shot to the face and Kennedy is up and wins. Fucking Kennedy....
Kennedy.
Winner: KENNEDAAAAAY
Batista's "All Grown Up" vignette airs, and then it's time for:
Match 2: The Great Khali vs Kane
Oh lord jeezus. Not good at the start, Khali has some serious issues throwing strikes effectively. Then he starts...using some ring psychology? He starts working on Kane's shoulder and arm, to stuff his chokeslam. However Khali's kicks look like trash. Crowd is 100% behind Kane on this. Khali quickly gets tied up in the ropes, as all giants do. Kane goes to get some plunder and grabs a STRAIGHT UP TERRIFYING MEAT HOOK FROM SEE NO EVIL. WHY IS THIS BEING BROUGHT AROUND KHALI?! Kane hits Khali with a nut shot with the...chain. Not the hook. Thankfully. Hits a body slam to Khali. Khali gets up and hits a monstrous tree slam to Kane. 3 count. No fanfare. Shit match. Post-match, Kane gets choked by his own meathook. I would never let that hook anywhere near Khali. Dangerous.
Divas "All Grown Up" Vignette
Cryme Tyme w/Eugene backstage segment. Tries to teach him how to dance, brought Layla, Kelly Kelly, and someone else to help teach him with some music. Then...it gets weirder. Mae Young and Moolah show up, Slick shows up, and it's weird - Slick look like a gigantic baby in a suit. Dusty Rhodes shows up, Sgt Slaughter, IRS (what), Ricky Steamboat, Gene Okerlund...everyone's dancing like idiots. Fuck this.
Match 3: US Title Match - MVP vs Chris Benoit
MVP comes out with a huge contingent of cheerleaders. He was still somewhat new at the time so he was playing up his sports gimmick. I'll just go ahead and say it, this was a huge surprise. Shitloads of chain wrestling. Very counter-heavy grappling, and this must have made Vince pissed off. I've heard the stories about Vince telling MVP to dumb down his moves, but he was doing a showcase tonight and it was wonderful. Benoit is also a perfect partner to do this style with, you could tell it was all instinct and came naturally to Benoit. Benoit is busted open early on. From chain wrestling?!
Lots of talk about MVP's contract money in WWE. MVP works Benoit's shoulder the whole match, playing off the idea that he can't use the Crippler Crossface if his shoulder is fucked. Benoit ducks a kick, hits 3 Germans as he does. Goes for the diving headbutt, gets stopped early. Superplex into a pin reversal. MVP continues working the shoulder, which is awesome. Benoit fakes out MVP's big boot, doubles back and gets hit with it on the second run. Great set of reversals, and the announcers really played up that MVP did his homework and "studied game tapes" of Benoit to counter him and it shows. MVP fights out of the Crossface, hits the Ballin Elbow, and then we see 2x Germans from Benoit. MVP blocks the third. Reveral, reversal, and three MORE Germans from Benoit. That's 8 goddamn German Suplexes onto MVP in one match. After Benoit hits the last set of 3, diving headbutt for the victory. Really showed off MVP in this match and put him over like a star. GREAT match.
Undertaker "All Grown Up" Vignette. Which is to say he isn't all grown up.
Trump is backstage, talking shit. Boogeyman enters, singing Old MacDonald. Chilling. Trump gives no fucks, and orders Boogeyman to go get him food. So he...does. And then there's a Mini Boogeyman who gets in his face and that's the end of this stupid fucking segment.
Class of 2007 HoF vignette. Mr. Fuji, Bockwinkel, Stone Cold inducts JR, Mr. Perfect, Afa and Sika, The Sheik...good class. McGillicutty sighting! Shatner inducts Lawler into the HoF. Dusty Rhodes, some others.
80,103 attendance announcement.
Finkel is led to the ring, calls out the HoF class. Then they show a poll between "Who ya got? Taker or Batista" and it's 82% Taker winning. Poor Batsman.
Match 4: World Heavyweight Title Match - Da Undatakah vs Batista
Teddy Long announces the match, and Druids come out. Because Druids. Taker comes out of a shining light with a fuckton of smoke. JR calls him "The best pure striker" so I want to shit myself out of spite. Batista comes out after getting lost on the entrance ramp (it's monstrous!) and kicks things off with a spear. Taker does his "patented MMA strikes" which I'd like to see the goddamn patent for. Taker drags Batista out of the ring. Lots of fighting outside of the ring. Bats tosses Taker into the steps, does a funny-looking bump I hope I'll gif. Batista does a flying shoulderblock off of the top rope, a strange thing to see Batista hitting. Taker hits Bats with a big boot, then Batista hops up and clotheslines Taker. Taker hits Batista with ANOTHER huge boot (and it looked monstrous) - then grabs Batista's wrist so he can daintily walk across the ropes for "old school" - Taker then goes for the Chokeslam, Batista powers out of it and rolls out of the ring. Taker punches Batista who is on the apron, outside the ring, then does a brutal legdrop on the apron to off of the floor. Huuuge, looked great.
Then a Taker dive out of the ring to Batista. Batista's taking care of Grandpa Undertaker out here, unlike Shawn Michaels who was just fine having Taker die outside.
Batista's getting pissed, manages to turn the tables and destroy a couple - throws Taker through the timekeepers' station, we get the token Lillian Garcia fleeing spot, then it's time to destroy the ECW table. Tazz runs away. They make their way to the Raw table, and Batista hits a HUGE slam on top of the table, turning it to pieces.
Taker is getting the shit kicked out of him here, and it looks fantastic and believable. Back into the ring. Batista goes for a Batista bomb, it's countered! Then countered again and Taker gets his with a belly to belly! Another counter, Taker with a immense Last Ride that gets countered. Huge amount of air on that. Then a BIG chokeslam from Taker! Batista makes his way up, hits another spear, then hits a Batista Bomb on Taker. ONE TWO DID HE GET HIM NO JUST TWO. Goddamn! Batista goes for a second Batista Bomb to put Taker down, reversed into a backdrop, then it's TOMBSTONE CITY as Gorilla Monsoon would say and that's that. Hell of a match.
Babby Lashlie Video Package - All Grown Up
Vince backstage segment where he talks to a baby
A baby
Match 5: ECW Originals (Sandman, RVD, Sabu, Fatty Dreamer) vs The New Breed (Matt Striker, Elijah Burke, Marcus Cor Von, Kevin Thorn)
This junk didn't last long. Sandman hits a top rope legdrop off of the apron, pretty wild. Crowd is totally dead and so was I. Fuck this. I'm just not into it. They call RVD the leader. There WAS a wild-ass monkey flip spot though. Striker takes the pin for the loss.
Tommy Hearns is in the crowd.
Billionaires vignette. TIME FOR THE BATTLE!
Match 6: The Battle of the Billionaires - Vince McMahon (Umaga) vs Donald Trump (Bathturd Lashley) - Loser Gets His Head Shaved
This is exciting because Vince is insane and Trump is insane as well. The barber's chair has its own entrance and floats to the stage, it looks friggin hilarious. Lots of wild shit going on here. Umaga's entrance music is so good for him, he really is believable. It's magical. I miss him a LOT, he was something special. "Vince Needs Jesus" sign in the crowd. Trump enters, and money falls from the sky. I got a good look at some of the bills floating down and they were $1s. Camera would show someone holding up a $100 - fuckin planted shit! About $500 in $1s and pass out a couple $100s for people to hold, pretending like the poors in the crowd wouldn't get in a fistfight over this. They fucking would.
McMahon applauds vigorously for Umaga's entrance. He eyes the barber's chair strangely...and it's enjoyable. Armando Estrada is with Umaga also. Good stuff. Goddamn Umaga's music is good.
Lashley comes out to a far more boring entrance. When Trump enters with that fake money it looks MUCH worse than when Okada comes out and makes it rain. Times have changed you old shit. Watching him look at the barber's chair. He probably has no concept how it is used. He's a weird fucker. Stone Cold is our special referee tonight and he kinda doesn't look so good. Whatever. Let's get into the match.
2:18:30
JR talks about Lashley's undefeated streak that's been over for a while. Apparently this shit happened last year. I'm really looking forward to this match, both of these guys will work real well together. Bunch of trading spots to show of both competitors' strength. It might just be me, but I take Umaga a hell of a lot more seriously than Lashley. Lashley looks like he's filled with pillows. Umaga is just a big slab of meat. Lashley gets more technical and it pays off for him, Estrada working outside the ring to keep Umaga from getting pinned early. Lashley wastes no time and beats the piss out of Estrada within the first minute. Ridiculous. Why even bother. Get outta here Estrada! Thrown out of the ring, and holy christ, Umaga goes to tackle Lashley, Lashley pulls down the rope and Umaga takes a hellish spill straight out of the ring. GOD DAMN. He's up, surprisingly. Then Lashley goes for a shoulder block/spear and Umaga sidesteps, and Lashley takes a sick-fucking-bump. Goddamn you two settle down! This is the first FIVE minutes of the match, folks. Umaga starts choking Lashley against the ropes and Austin slaps Umaga for not breaking at the five-count. Goes back to choking, they get into it again. Umaga takes a couple punches then throws Lashley on his ASS with a brutal clothesline. These two are fun to watch because they both give no fucks and can take a beating. Umaga with a bunch of butt splashes. I know it sounds stupid, but Umaga gets some awesome height on his Samoan Drop. Looks wonderful. Lashley gets a little bit of offense then tried to scoop slam Umaga and can't get it done. Heat's back on Umaga. McMahon onto the apron, Lashley bumps into Vince. Shame on him. Umaga capitalizes, throws around Lashley some more. Umaga goes to the top and gets tossed off by Lashley. Shane McMahon appears to console his father! Alright Shane let's get it happening! Vince making a lot of happy faces. Stone Cold bump, Shane comes in and does his trademark whiffed punches to Lashley. Umaga continues to beat the shit out of the selling machine, Babbie Bathturd. Vince throws a trashcan to Shane, props it up against Lashley, and he does a Van Terminator onto the trash can. Not bad. Shane removes his shirt to reveal...A REFEREE SHIRT! HE'S GONNA SCREW TRUMP! Pulls Lashley into the center of the ring, Umaga goes up to splash from the top rope, and nails him with a gargantuan splash. Shane starts counting 1, 2, then Austin yanks Shane out at the count of 3 and beats him down. Umaga beats on Austin. This is going to get stupid. Trump tackles McMahon and punches him! Umaga goes for a Samoan Spike on Austin, Austin ducks and stunner! Stunner! Lashley does one move and then wins! Vince cries, pets his hair - this is actually the last time we'll see Vince with good hair. I loved that hair. Vince stumbles around aimlessly, sad...very sad, and I am sad too. Austin throws McMahon into the ring just to give him a Stunner. Shane interferes! Gets a Stunner for his troubles, Vince crawls away, and tries to sneak out. Lashley finds him, though, and puts him on his shoulder and brings him back to the ring. It's time. I can't go on. This is too sad.
They actually do a pretty good job, quickly, of shaving Vince's head. And we got ECW Vince out of this so that's a bright spot. Still...a shame. I miss you, Vince. Then Trump gets a stunner for no good goddamn reason.
John Cener All Grown Up vignette. Bleh.
Bunch of Divas come out for some kind of match. No idea who most of these women are...oh hey, they're Lumberjills for:
Match 7: Ashley Massaro vs Melina in a Lumberjill Match
Wow, Ashley is REALLY pretty. Melina's wearing pants that sure as hell look see-through. I'm gonna have to study this match.
One of the things that cracks me up about some of these women's matches are when people do rope bumps, slingshot-like. They don't have enough weight to challenge the ropes, so they just kinda carome off the side. Oh lord it's a screaming match. Melina is wearing what appears to be bear boots. Shame on her. Melina hits Ashley with a Cesaro Swing. I counted 2 revolutions after "GET READY FOR THE RIDE" and all that. Melina does the whole "put my boot on your back and try to rip your arms out of the socket" move I did once, long ago, when I was drunk and angry. I wonder what JoMo is up to. Wonder if this was all worth it. Pin reversal for 3, Melina wins, and I think I saw a vagina. NOW ALL THE LUMBERJILLS ARE IN THE RING WRESTLING MAGGLE. Ridiculous. Lots of bare feet. I hate feet.
Match 8: Shawn Michaels vs John Cena for the WWE Championship
Michaels enters to DX music, dressed nothing like a DX Shawn. That's fine by me. John Cener is apparently in a speeding Ford Mustang and driving to the ring, recklessly. Drives INTO the arena through some glass. Then he hurriedly switches seats with the driver and gets out! What a guy. The crowd surprisingly sounds completely dead on all fronts. Pretty strange. Let's get happening. Cena is the current World Champion AND Tag Champion. No clue who he was tagging with at the time.
Goddamn, Cena looks to be fresh and in great shape here. A far cry from the Cena we get today, but he busts his ASS. It's just nuts how much a handful of years at his position can do to you. "Sign Guy Sucks" sign. I agree completely. I hate that dude.
Shawn beckons to Cena to get him in close. Talks a little shit, offers his hand, Cena thinks about it. It's a tough call - do you shake SHAWN MICHAELS HAND? Doesn't matter, because Michaels slaps the shit out of Cena's mouth and then pushes him away and makes him eat a crotch chop. After a few minutes of chain wrestling and strike exchanges, I gotta say, these two mesh real well together. And man, Shawn still has a good amount of hair. Cena eventually hits Michaels with a wicked clothesline that almost murders him. Shawn's makin' some faces. Cena is far and away the heel in this match, people got behind Michaels pretty quick, which I don't believe was meant to be the case. Michaels and Cena go outside of the ring, Michaels eventually hits a moonsault from the second rope onto Cena. Looks pretty bad, but it did the job. Michaels starts to work over the leg of Cena. Ringpost spots, all that shit. It's been about ten minutes and this match has been heavy on strikes. Michaels is just slapping the piss out of him and chopping his balls off.
Audio has a HUGE drop when Michaels knees down to speak to Cena. Not sure what they cut out, but they cut something, fa sho. Cena eventually gets out of the way and Michaels hits the ring post. This match moves REALLY slow, but that's a main event for you. Now Cena's on the offensive. Clotheslines, shoulder blocks, and OH GOD HBK IS BUSTED OPEN. CRIMSON MASKKKKK. Cena hits Michaels with the 4 Moves of Doom because he misses the fifth. Now it's time for shit to get cranked up. Flair corner bump that Michaels always does. Reversal on that superkick, it nails the ref! Ref spills out of the ring. That ref took it like crazy. Cena then hits Michaels with the FU, up and OH GOD IT WAS COUNTERED WITH A DDT! A DDT! BAH GAWD! Now it's time to rest. Michaels eventually rolls on out of the ring and takes apart some steps. Drags Cena out, and pulls Cena up for a PILEDRIVER ON THE STEEL STEPS. Good god yall that looked amazing. Cena's opened up on his head. Blood everywhere! Ref's still out, so Shawn calls for another to count for the pin but it took JUST long enough not to get the 3.
Michaels eventually does what LOOKS like a diving face-touch. It was really friggin weird. Kip-up by Michaels, hits his old finisher, the flying elbow from the top. Only one problem with hitting that move - it ain't enough. Michaels knows this and now it's time to "tune up the band" so he does a lot of pacing and holding his hands out like he's got problems. Stamp stamp stamp. Crowd going wild. Cena gets up and Shawn goes in and gets smashed with a Cena clothesline. Yay/Boo trading chants. Cena with the FU, Michaels drops behind for a Sunset Flip, Cena gets out, and then it's time for another FU - this time Michaels eats it, Cena drags ass and gets a 2-count. Cena puts Michaels on the top turnbuckle. Exchanging punches. Cena gets Michaels up for an FU on the top, but Michaels bats his way out of it. Knocks Cena down, and it's time for a cross body. CENA'S INCREDIBLE STRENGTH puts him back up for another FU, but Michaels reverses it! Goes for the superkick, Cena ducks it, goes for the STFU, reversal, reverals everywhere! Michaels misses an enzugiri and puts Shawn in the STFU. Wiggles, cries, complaints, and this STF actually looks pretty good. Michaels gets to the ropes though. Ref pulls off Cena and they fuck briefly in the ring, or at least that's what it looked like. Gives Shawn time for the Superkick and it nails Cena on the chin. Good shot. 2-count as expected. Both of them up at 9. Cena gets Michaels in the middle of the ring with the STFU and that's a wrap, Michaels taps. Not bad.
FallingEdge
Member
I think saying something like "legit shook" is fine if used in the proper context and not being blatantly obvious about it. Plywood going CM Punk is a different story.
lovely ladies
Member
Lol, didn't Ashley become an escort or something or were those lies
FallingEdge
Member
lol
bean breath
Member
This must be like what those old timers felt like when Dolph Ziggler debuted his line of Keyfabe wrestling t-shirts.
I agree with the thread though, that was a bit too on the nose. I don't agree about fighting Sunflower. He's tall and has big muscles.
D
Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
Someone asked me to make that topic.
BronsonLee
Member
Yo, watching The Celebrity Effect edition of Legends of Wrestling Roundtable... Holy SHIT is JR a dick, and is DDP going fucking ham on him
JR BE BACKPEDALIN
JR BE BACKPEDALIN
dream
Member
Would you jump off a bridge if someone asked you to?
Will you jump off a bridge?
D
Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
If it'll help WrassleGAF, yes.
Could have been worse though.
"When did you find out your parents' upbringing of you wasn't a work but a shoot?"
D
Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
KOG sure is posting again
bean breath
Member
Just to be clear, my ot forum thread is not a stealth wrestling thread. It's a topic I was genuinely curious about and wanted to read more reactions from a variety of sources as opposed to a bunch of basement dwelling marks./JR
dream
Member
In fact, I'm going to respond to him.
There is a long-standing tradition here of threads titled "is sure looking good again" being used ironically to mock people who are not, in fact, looking good again. In the case of my thread, Amanda Bynes actually is looking good again. So my thread title is an ironic reaction to an ironic device itself, which, as some reactions in the thread show, worked to subvert expectations that are signaled by the very thread title that you are ignorantly dismissing.
The dictionary defines "subvert" as
You're welcome for saving you a trip to look up a word you didn't understand.
There is a long-standing tradition here of threads titled "is sure looking good again" being used ironically to mock people who are not, in fact, looking good again. In the case of my thread, Amanda Bynes actually is looking good again. So my thread title is an ironic reaction to an ironic device itself, which, as some reactions in the thread show, worked to subvert expectations that are signaled by the very thread title that you are ignorantly dismissing.
The dictionary defines "subvert" as
You're welcome for saving you a trip to look up a word you didn't understand.
bean breath
Member
Is this some type of MMA Community thing? Did they put you up to this?
If I open up that thread, am I going to find a bunch of guys giggling and egging you on?
If I open up that thread, am I going to find a bunch of guys giggling and egging you on?
Spider from Mars
tap that thorax
This is a thread of learned and tolerant people.
NYR
Member
- Status