Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
- Thread starter Bagels
- Start date
- Status
Mine and my mother's communication is rather one-way: I understand her but she does not understand me. Not sure if she just refuses to, or if she really just doesn't get what i mean.
That is about feelings.
Affection i don't show to anyone these days.
EDIT and last post of the page as usual... And the quick-edit save still doesn't work...
Hey guys. I posted a while back, but haven't really been a regular. Last I was here, I mentioned I was going to see a professional. I've had two bereavements, a few years ago and since, I've had what I'd describe as sometimes crippling anxiety and some serious depression, at times.
Seeing a professional helped, somewhat. I've been given a couple of coping mechanisms. Stuff like, changing one thought, can change the response and that sort of thing. Also help, with how to calm down. It was six sessions, which are now over for the time being, with the option to do some more in the new year. I think they helped a little, but perhaps I had unrealistic expectations and they haven't helped nearly as much as I would have liked.
For the most part, this is stuff I've kept secret for a long time, from pretty much everyone but my mum. Obviously my friends wouldn't have been ignorant and knew that my losses would have had a negative effect on me. But to just what level, I've always underplayed. Of late, I've tried to open up more and I even let them in on the fact I was receiving therapy. But I think I still haven't been honest enough or explained just how crippling my anxiety can be.
The reason I've came back here though, as this week as been extremely shitty for me. Though, for a normal person, it would have been a great week. I've been studying software development for two years at night class and I'm now currently doing a very unintensive game design class. I have a friend who works for a small, but successful software house, which make mobile applications. He inquired and got me an interview, which would lead to unpaid work experience. I attended the informal interview, but shortly after sitting it, emailed thanking them for their time but that I didn't feel like I was ready for it. Which is true, but I also couldn't handle the extra obligations. Which are the fact, the company would have had to spend money on a computer and licenses for me and my friend offered to pay my way, with what I'm already getting. An extremely generous offer, but I just couldn't whole heartedly accept, since I genuinely don't know if this is what I want to do. I just feel so shitty, that I'm taking what's a good opportunity and I'm fucking it up and moaning about it.
Before this situation, but more so now, I'm definitely depressed and I find some comfort in at least admitting that now. As before, I've only admitted my anxiety. I just find myself giving less of a fuck about everything though. I'm thinking about making an appointment again with my GP, who put me onto therapy and maybe discussing alternatives. I feel like there's so much more wrong, but I'd be committing crimes of vertical scroll, If I keep going on in a single post. I feel like a complete wreck though. Just about everything gives me palpitations, I'm feeling like a physical wreck and I'm finding it harder and harder to find the positive in life.
Seeing a professional helped, somewhat. I've been given a couple of coping mechanisms. Stuff like, changing one thought, can change the response and that sort of thing. Also help, with how to calm down. It was six sessions, which are now over for the time being, with the option to do some more in the new year. I think they helped a little, but perhaps I had unrealistic expectations and they haven't helped nearly as much as I would have liked.
For the most part, this is stuff I've kept secret for a long time, from pretty much everyone but my mum. Obviously my friends wouldn't have been ignorant and knew that my losses would have had a negative effect on me. But to just what level, I've always underplayed. Of late, I've tried to open up more and I even let them in on the fact I was receiving therapy. But I think I still haven't been honest enough or explained just how crippling my anxiety can be.
The reason I've came back here though, as this week as been extremely shitty for me. Though, for a normal person, it would have been a great week. I've been studying software development for two years at night class and I'm now currently doing a very unintensive game design class. I have a friend who works for a small, but successful software house, which make mobile applications. He inquired and got me an interview, which would lead to unpaid work experience. I attended the informal interview, but shortly after sitting it, emailed thanking them for their time but that I didn't feel like I was ready for it. Which is true, but I also couldn't handle the extra obligations. Which are the fact, the company would have had to spend money on a computer and licenses for me and my friend offered to pay my way, with what I'm already getting. An extremely generous offer, but I just couldn't whole heartedly accept, since I genuinely don't know if this is what I want to do. I just feel so shitty, that I'm taking what's a good opportunity and I'm fucking it up and moaning about it.
Before this situation, but more so now, I'm definitely depressed and I find some comfort in at least admitting that now. As before, I've only admitted my anxiety. I just find myself giving less of a fuck about everything though. I'm thinking about making an appointment again with my GP, who put me onto therapy and maybe discussing alternatives. I feel like there's so much more wrong, but I'd be committing crimes of vertical scroll, If I keep going on in a single post. I feel like a complete wreck though. Just about everything gives me palpitations, I'm feeling like a physical wreck and I'm finding it harder and harder to find the positive in life.
DJ Lushious
Member
I am on my phone and there is a lot here. So, I will be brief.
1) That software job sounds like an unpaid internship. You mention you don't know if that is what you should do. This is what internships are for. You'll get a feel for the position, be able to put something on your resume (which is HUGE), and walk away with a great learning experience.
2) Continue to seek counseling. Admitting you are depressed is a HUGE step. Anxiety and depression play off each other, so just continue to seek help and you can pull through. You sound like you've a good head on your shoulders.
Okay, maybe this wasn't so brief after all. .P
DJ Lushious
Member
Agent Cooper
Member
i'm so depressed 
i'm so depressed
This really isn't the thread for that...
i'm so depressed
Have you tried video games?
Agent Cooper
Member
THE CURE
Because there are that many people who are nostalgic for a paleolithic past that didn't exist?
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Pau had a pretty good response to those. I'll see if I can dig it up.
Collete
Member
I can't tell if you're making fun of me or not or my depression is making everyone seem evil right now.
Not making fun of you. It's a silly thread.
Collete
Member
I dunno...
I just prefer a simpler life style.
Maybe not paleolithic but something more of a time period where people were just allowed to do substantial farming and work on their own farms, houses, sell their own goods, trade, hunt their own food...I don't know...I would be happier if things were just a bit more simpler than they are now.
Lionheart1827
Member
Just got back from my Lamb of God/Killswitch Engage/Testament/Huntress show tonight. Let me just quote myself from an earlier post in the thread:
"Anyway, theres nothing like being bombarded with loud, angry, metal to make you forget about any anxiety or depression."
Cant hear a damn thing and my back is destroyed. Totally worth it
"Anyway, theres nothing like being bombarded with loud, angry, metal to make you forget about any anxiety or depression."
Cant hear a damn thing and my back is destroyed. Totally worth it
*Doesn't remember.* EDIT: Now I do. Yeah, romanticizing how wonderfully simple poor people's lives much be is pretty patronizing.
And Collete, I think it's important to realize that a lot of previous eras are highly romanticized.
smokeandmirrors
Banned
smokeandmirrors
Banned
gonna buy a map of the US, map of the world, and multicolored pushpins and mark the places i wanna go.
make it something i take with me. make me stick to my word and visit the places i say im gonna
totes not a drunk purchase btw.
make it something i take with me. make me stick to my word and visit the places i say im gonna
totes not a drunk purchase btw.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
I do similar things. I am obsessed with maps and travel shows. The Long Way Round and The Long Way Down I especially recommend if you like motorcycles. Plus Ewan McGregor.
Femmeworth
Banned
Had a pretty successful date, we went and saw a local production of The Rocky Horror Show. We didn't kiss, but we became more physically intimate. 
Cameron122
Member
I was invited to a stupid party that ended up being outdoors. Stupid fucking wheelchair :/ I wanna go home.
I'm now at jack in the box at three in the morning. Loaded chicken nugguts are pretty good.
I'm now at jack in the box at three in the morning. Loaded chicken nugguts are pretty good.
DJ Lushious
Member
I woke up thinking about her. This is too common and it's still so heart-breaking. Counselor says I should find someone new. Easier said than done. I've a 50-mile bike ride today and it's going to be 37F for the first few hours. The Zoloft I've been taking is making me nauseous and I'm getting tremors in my hands. Suicidal thoughts come and they go.
My father tried to off himself at age 18 when a girl broke up with him. He drank battery acid. He's a looney tune now, so that just further reinforces his mental illness.
I've broken up and been broken up with before, so what makes this one so different? And why has the pain lingered for so long?
I'm getting tired of "Busy Lush;" drifting through life, filling my time with inconsequential activities. My house is slowly becoming cluttered (never like this) and I don't have the time nor the will to do anything about it.
A month ago a doctor asked me if I wanted to be hospitalized. A part of me inside said "yes!," but I know it'd ruin my life. I just can't do this anymore. My counselor sessions get me nowhere. She tells me things I know is true, but it seems like we don't have solutions. Maybe there is no solution. I'm clearly fucked in the head.
I try to be a good person. A caring person. A good friend. And no one seems to care about me on the level I care about the. My friends Sean/Ashley (they're married) never reach out to me. It's always the other way around. My friend Adam just got married as is always busy. The rest of my friends moved away at the same time as the breakup.
What is wrong with me?!
My father tried to off himself at age 18 when a girl broke up with him. He drank battery acid. He's a looney tune now, so that just further reinforces his mental illness.
I've broken up and been broken up with before, so what makes this one so different? And why has the pain lingered for so long?
I'm getting tired of "Busy Lush;" drifting through life, filling my time with inconsequential activities. My house is slowly becoming cluttered (never like this) and I don't have the time nor the will to do anything about it.
A month ago a doctor asked me if I wanted to be hospitalized. A part of me inside said "yes!," but I know it'd ruin my life. I just can't do this anymore. My counselor sessions get me nowhere. She tells me things I know is true, but it seems like we don't have solutions. Maybe there is no solution. I'm clearly fucked in the head.
I try to be a good person. A caring person. A good friend. And no one seems to care about me on the level I care about the. My friends Sean/Ashley (they're married) never reach out to me. It's always the other way around. My friend Adam just got married as is always busy. The rest of my friends moved away at the same time as the breakup.
What is wrong with me?!
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Yes, your issues will still be there.
Totally, unscientific, but many people who decide to run from themselves in varying forms, whether joining the armed forces, peace corps, traveling, self-exile still are haunted by their problems. Confronting the issues is as much as a hard part of recovery as scaling the tallest mounted, personally, but you have a much greater chance of doing that on a micro-scale than escapism.
I mean, when you think of it, it's your brain causing these actions, not your surroundings (em, in most cases).
This is great to see.Had a pretty successful date, we went and saw a local production of The Rocky Horror Show. We didn't kiss, but we became more physically intimate.
Hopefully more to come!Cameron bud you're looking good. Can't imagine that sort of situation but I do know from a history of being in the same threads that you have a great head on ya. You say, hey this sucks, but I'm gonna get these dope nuggets.
As for me...welp, keep positive I guess.
I don't think I've read this thread but I myself eat paleo due to my stomach seeming to negatively react to almost all foods outside of the diet- it took me years to figure out what I could eat without negative effects, coincidentally it coincided with this sort of eating, plenty of clean water and an active lifestyle.
As for the hunter-gatherer thing- I don't believe there is much hard science for it effecting our mental state. That being said, I don't believe it should be completely written off that people with different, inherited genetics can be more susceptible to certain types of dispositions and "brain chemical" make-ups. I think the theory, as it is worded and stands can easily be debunked in several ways, but I don't think it's too far off to say some people's genetics dispose them to be wired to live well in a "farmer" type lifestyle, or their ancestors evolved to be better tempered to this.
That being said, why can't others be wired/better tempered (or at least, happiest) to living a "meat-and-greens" active, on-to-the-next-one type of lifestyle? There are breeds of dogs that have very specific temperments bred into them- a sheep dog, without training, will naturally creep up towards something it has an instinct to herd. A retriever tends to "fetch" without needing to be taught.
Humans are a much longer lived, less selectively bred (if at all) example. But if someone with a "hunter-gatherer" temperment strongly wired into their brain tries to live the lifestyle of a "farmer"- the same thing everyday, sit at a desk, generally low key, 3 solid meals a day, etc- I don't think it's much of a stress to imagine that this might cause this sort of person anxiety, a general dissatisfied feeling, depression, acting out, etc.
I'm not a scientist, doctor or psychologist but many "abnormal" and diseased and mentally ill behaviour that many people can't help could be part of them having a stronger brain wiring/instinct to live in ways that your average 9-to-5 society leaves little, if any room for. Eventually, something gives.
Just my confusing, yappy take on things. I don't believe the theory should be dismissed entirely. I also think the general consensus of considering anyone with mental illness as being afflicted with a non-ideal state fo mind should be re-examined and reconsidered sometimes.
It might not be easy or as possible to live in ways that stimulate the hunter-gather types as well as farmer types can in this day and age. I don't think anyone should pretend nothing is wrong and go off medication, therapy or anything that helps either though. But I do think lifestyle changes from the types of foods you eat, how often, the size of meals, intakes of common stimulants like alcohol and caffeine, along with much more regular activity should be taken into consideration or tried to see if seems like a more natural way to go than focusing on being like everyone else, holding down that 9-to-5 and aspiring for the "American Dream".
Maybe it's why contract type work is so popular with programmers, writers, etc. Maybe work like this attracts a type of person and personality more often?
Well, I'm done. My two cents as to why I think there is a level of validity to the theory, even if I needs to be sorely re-work and have a lot more hard facts to show any solid relation- which is likely impossible unless they find some solid way to measure the amount of "farmer" and "hunter-gatherer" disposition in a person's brain/genetic makeup. /shrug
(waits for Bagels to hate on this :3)
I'll respond to you in a bit, Niamh - why do you assume I'll be all critical? It's me! Bagels! I don't have a critical bone in my body!
(You had all sorts of interesting stuff to say! Good stuff as always!)
jb has set my last poem to music, yielding, in his words, "a masterpiece." So give the people what they want, I always say.
(You had all sorts of interesting stuff to say! Good stuff as always!)
jb has set my last poem to music, yielding, in his words, "a masterpiece." So give the people what they want, I always say.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Um, em, I guess. Expect a post in time about gastronomy and food science when I feel not so bad. K.
We're going to attempt to start recording episode 2 of the podcast tonight. This will be a more free-form discussion of things from the thread, including some discussion on hunter-gatherer happiness.
It should start around midnight central time/0500 GMT (really hard to get US and Euro people together - we'll work on that). If you want to sit in, come by IRC and we can get you on to our mumble server. If you have posts that you'd like us to discuss, please point them out to me - anything is fair game, but we're looking for things from the last few pages in particular.
It should start around midnight central time/0500 GMT (really hard to get US and Euro people together - we'll work on that). If you want to sit in, come by IRC and we can get you on to our mumble server. If you have posts that you'd like us to discuss, please point them out to me - anything is fair game, but we're looking for things from the last few pages in particular.
Given the general LOLTIMEZONES and DST ending today, have a countdown.
This is why I love FillerB, even if he is constantly calling me a big nerd baby and making fun of the way I say "Van Gogh."
Discuss how much of a nice young man I am, and how I enrich all your lives. That alone could be stretched into a full podcast.
Might be kidding
In you honor, I will podcast using my impeccable Scottish accent! You love it!
I am thinking we need a google doc with people's birthdays! I like us being able to celebrate each other's birthdays, but the coverage is pretty slapdash right now. Let me set something up.
Freeza Under The Shower
Member
But but but but but but they make you depressed, because there's a clear correlation!
(it's totally not the other way around or anything)
We're going to discuss it on the podcast, but yeah, there are ways to live a simpler life without going all collecting berries on it.
Had a pretty successful date, we went and saw a local production of The Rocky Horror Show. We didn't kiss, but we became more physically intimate.
Yay! If you need me to record myself singing more sexy songs of sexy sexiness, just say the word. That will take any relationship to the next level...
Nothing wrong with closing your clamshell for just a lil bit.
Nope... I still wanna tell my story, Bagels. D:
Maybe we can all party in your shell with you?
Gimme me interview. XD
Oh man, we need to do that! Let's hop in IRC some time and do a little interview - mano-e-clammo.
Agent Cooper
Member
A Love Like War - All Time Low
And the bitch of it all
Is that I'm running from
The desire of the people
To whom I belong
At the end of the day
You can tell me I'm wrong
'Cause you went to all of this trouble
And the bitch of it all
Is that I'm running from
The desire of the people
To whom I belong
At the end of the day
You can tell me I'm wrong
'Cause you went to all of this trouble
I'm not the only one who feels like they're losing their sanity at times/becoming a super dark fucked up person, am I? I'm not sure if it's because I actually am becoming fucked up, or my brain gets so distressed with everything it sort of goes "fuck it" and I start believing fucked up shit about myself. Anyone? I'm freaking out.
User 100115
Banned
OMG I love you.
I can't stop laughing, seriously.
That's the most beautiful poem anyone has ever written about me.
I'm not the only one who feels like they're losing their sanity at times/becoming a super dark fucked up person, am I? I'm not sure if it's because I actually am becoming fucked up, or my brain gets so distressed with everything it sort of goes "fuck it" and I start believing fucked up shit about myself. Anyone? I'm freaking out.
Everyone has thoughts they consider fucked up from time to time. Especially when we have mental illnesses. It's human nature. As long as we don't act on them, it's fine.
I sometimes think people would lock me up and throw away the key if they could hear some of my darker thoughts.
Bah double post, sorry.
What if the thoughts become more frequent and you're afraid you will eventually turn into that kind of person? As for the bolded, right now I want to lock myself up, or eject myself into space.
ThoseDeafMutes
Member
Yeah this is basically the norm.
Except for my Grandmother who I can't imagine has ever had a dark thought.
User 100115
Banned
Just remind yourself that they are only thoughts, and they have zero control over you. We all go to a dark place sometimes, and sometimes the journey through it takes longer than we'd hoped. Distract yourself from them with stuff you enjoy. Go for a run, watch a favorite movie/show, read a book, play a game. Murder folk in pvp (or get murdered, depending on your skill level
)I'd always go tear shit up in Warsong Gulch on wow when I was in a bad place. You should hear me on vent/mumble when I pvp, it's insane how angry I am. Yeah, me
"STAY TOGETHER YOU FUCKS, they are picking you off one by one!"
Just remind yourself that they are only thoughts, and they have zero control over you. We all go to a dark place sometimes, and sometimes the journey through it takes longer than we'd hoped. Distract yourself from them with stuff you enjoy. Go for a run, watch a favorite movie/show, read a book, play a game. Murder folk in pvp (or get murdered, depending on your skill level
I'd always go tear shit up in Warsong Gulch on wow when I was in a bad place. You should hear me on vent/mumble when I pvp, it's insane how angry I am. Yeah, me
"STAY TOGETHER YOU FUCKS, they are picking you off one by one!"
My sub to WoW ran out earlier this month (main is still stuck at level 85, just got to Pandaria). I kind of let it lapse out; I got super burnt out and lost a lot of interest. Hard to say what I enjoy these days. Barely listen to music, don't watch movies unless they're for school, haven't read anything in months... I usually sit at my computer for hours, often looking at my desktop getting lost in my (not so good) thoughts. Really sucks. Wish I had friends or that I was more outgoing/attractive to get people to actually like me and want to do stuff.
User 100115
Banned
I am pretty sure I am going to resub this weekend, did you roll on my server? I'll hang out with you! I have some toons at 85 even.
- Status