I wish. In my teen years to my early 20's I was so content to being a hermit and not worry about dating or making friends. Now days it's so draining worrying and being alone and constantly wishing I was still with my ex
Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
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I wish. In my teen years to my early 20's I was so content to being a hermit and not worry about dating or making friends. Now days it's so draining worrying and being alone and constantly wishing I was still with my ex
Question time. How to get over a fear wall? I sort of know what I want to do with my life I want to move to Japan and teach for a bit and leave america. The problem is I'm holding myself back or in the very least a huge fear wall is stopping me. I've been so complacent in my current life even though it's a major part of my depression I cannot escape it. I fear change good or bad. I'm afraid of fucking up the job interview or my resume or going to Japan and something awful happens. I know I need to do this I just to find a way over my internal fear wall to do this. If I stay like this I am better off dying than living in misery.
Did I write this post back in 2010? LOL. You'll never get over it, without a lot of therapy I guess. The best thing you can do is just write them off as lost years, move on, and try to do something with your life now. That's sort of what I did last fall when I decided to finally go back to school, although it's pointless to think of this as "making up for" those lost years, and god do I wish I'd done this a decade ago instead of at 34.
As for myself I've been getting pretty depressed lately. Might be because it's the summer and I'm barely in any in-person classes right now and not around people anymore. I'm lonely as shit and I feel so isolated. I try to just focus on my studies and forget about the fact that I'm 34 and have never really dated and if it ever does happen it won't be any time soon, but it's tough. Fuck, I wish I wasn't so content being a fucking recluse hermit in my youth and missing out on all sorts of social development.
Heckler456
Banned
Yup. That's what I was afraid of.
How does "social development" even work in your mid-twenties? Will I ever be able to catch up?
User 479360
Banned
Started taking my Prozac again, prior to going to bed this morning. It'd been months.
Now, to remember it every day.
Now, to remember it every day.
Astral Dog
Member
to me its like you cant breath then become too desperate, becoming more nervous until sometimes end up crying and depending on the embarrassment i feel very guilty the following days,
i know exactly how you feel, including the eight years part (well now like nine)
like, how to deal with that? i have been trying, making progress but failing every couple steps, try to forget and focus on the present to move on, dealing with relationships that are or were not exactly helpful, accepting the fact that those years are not coming back and trying to remain positive for the upcoming ones, worse is the anxiety and worrying about the future and also hating this helpless body , but i know life can get better so hopefully things will change for the better.
good luck man
I don't know man. Just try exposing yourself to as many social situations as possible and getting outside your comfort zone. Easier said than done, I know, especially after your college-age years. Mid-20s is still fairly young, though. I'd kill to go back to that age. My mid-20s through mid-30s were a complete and total waste in virtually every capacity. My advice is, if you haven't already, take advantage of any 'assistance' you can in getting over any hang-ups or anxieties....medication, therapy, whatever. I tried medication (zoloft) and therapy almost two years ago and while my experience with therapy was largely useless (therapist may just not have been a good fit for me) I'm pretty sure the medication helped a lot in fighting my less severe anxieties and lifting my overall mood.
Blackquill
Member
I feel like a lifeless thing. Nothing distracts me anymore, everything me I do ends up being boring or not up to my expectations. Everything I perceive feels like sad or bland. Everything is depressing and if that wasn't enough, most of my days, I just sit there home doing nothing and waitiing for college to start again (and get bored here too anyway).
The therapist doesn't know how to help and except giving me some meds but I don't wanna since the last time I took them, I had a even harder time sleeping
Even thinking about what I'll do tomorrow fills me with anxiety, I really want to sleep all the day but unfortunately I can't let's just endure this again and again and again, fuck that, I'm so pissed by that.
The therapist doesn't know how to help and except giving me some meds but I don't wanna since the last time I took them, I had a even harder time sleeping
Even thinking about what I'll do tomorrow fills me with anxiety, I really want to sleep all the day but unfortunately I can't let's just endure this again and again and again, fuck that, I'm so pissed by that.
Holidays are definitely my least favorite times of the year. I have to log off Facebook entirely because the feed is just loaded with people doing things, while I'm acutely aware that I'm all by myself because I have very few friends here and everyone I'd want to be with lives thousands of miles away.
This has just been a disastrous start to the month. I'm always depressed to a certain extent but it's really gone up a notch this year and nothing seems to control it. And at this point, I'm not sure anything will because almost every single aspect of my life makes me miserable and a pill can't fix that. Worse, I can no longer afford other mental health treatments thanks to the devastating change in my benefits. I've been giving very serious consideration to sitting down with my mom and telling her that I can't fight anymore. We've had this conversation before and I told her I'd go for as long as I can. She hated it, she got very upset but she understood. She's been in denial for a long time now.
It's going to be a very long day.
This has just been a disastrous start to the month. I'm always depressed to a certain extent but it's really gone up a notch this year and nothing seems to control it. And at this point, I'm not sure anything will because almost every single aspect of my life makes me miserable and a pill can't fix that. Worse, I can no longer afford other mental health treatments thanks to the devastating change in my benefits. I've been giving very serious consideration to sitting down with my mom and telling her that I can't fight anymore. We've had this conversation before and I told her I'd go for as long as I can. She hated it, she got very upset but she understood. She's been in denial for a long time now.
It's going to be a very long day.
I hate facebook as well.
Heckler456
Banned
Whatever happens, however tough it gets... just keep in the front of your mind that this life we've got, it's all there is. That's all you're getting. And I know your life is very difficult right now, but you've got eternity to feel nothing. I wish you all the strength. Keep looking for help wherever you can.
Teriyaki Blues
Member
Depressed as fuck.
Some of my family is in town for a funeral. A friend of theirs from High School committed suicide. Over a hundred people came for the funeral, from all over the country.
He was loved. What if he had made a phone call to any one of those people first? Would he still be here?
Just - fuck. You know?
Some of my family is in town for a funeral. A friend of theirs from High School committed suicide. Over a hundred people came for the funeral, from all over the country.
He was loved. What if he had made a phone call to any one of those people first? Would he still be here?
Just - fuck. You know?
tearsofash
Member
Welp. I'm homeless now. Running out of meds too. Yay for public libraries I guess.
Heckler456
Banned
I wish I could help, or offer any advice. Keep strong man. You sure you can't ask for help anywhere?
tearsofash
Member
My dad has no money. My grandparents won't let me talk to them. I won't be on the streets at least. Staying with some friends for now but that's only for a month max
User 479360
Banned
I know that feeling
It's not even 11 in the morning and I already seriously contemplated making a gin and tonic.
I drank last night and passed out early, because I'd been up for 30+ hours due to a project I had to pull an all nighter for. We had company, which was boring.
Know that I've never had anything close to a drinking problem, and probably never will. I have a weak stomach, don't necessarily like the taste of most alcohol and can't drink strong drinks. However, I would like to shut my head off.
EDIT: Congrats, Kipp!
It's not even 11 in the morning and I already seriously contemplated making a gin and tonic.
I drank last night and passed out early, because I'd been up for 30+ hours due to a project I had to pull an all nighter for. We had company, which was boring.
Know that I've never had anything close to a drinking problem, and probably never will. I have a weak stomach, don't necessarily like the taste of most alcohol and can't drink strong drinks. However, I would like to shut my head off.
EDIT: Congrats, Kipp!
Sounds like a fantastic job and position, good luck and congratulations.
Yep all my friends, family, and ex have partners and are starting families, and I'm no closer at 30 than I was at 25... Sigh
TheLostBigBoss
Banned
So I made a post a while back, I think near December or something. Long story short I had a major depressive episode and failed half my classes. Though I could pull it together for the spring semester, but shit caught up to me and I had to drop nearly all my classes.
I got help, got on wellbutrin for the last two to three months. After the first month and a half I really started to feel better, a major increase in energy, like I actually want to get out of bed and not sleep all day.
But... and this is going to sound odd. I'm not used to having so much... well energy? I want to go out and do stuff, like drinking, partying and shit, but I don't have many friends to do it with, and my best friend literally got married (he's 22 in August), so even he is slowing down and stuff.
This sounds stupid, but I don't know how to handle all of this energy, I can't remember the last time I felt like this, I've been depressed so long, so many years, I was so overweight for so long and now I'm nearing a normal weight. I had little self esteem years ago, but now I actually feel somewhat confident, and it's driving me kinda crazy staying in on the weekends because I don't have much to do with anyone.
I got help, got on wellbutrin for the last two to three months. After the first month and a half I really started to feel better, a major increase in energy, like I actually want to get out of bed and not sleep all day.
But... and this is going to sound odd. I'm not used to having so much... well energy? I want to go out and do stuff, like drinking, partying and shit, but I don't have many friends to do it with, and my best friend literally got married (he's 22 in August), so even he is slowing down and stuff.
This sounds stupid, but I don't know how to handle all of this energy, I can't remember the last time I felt like this, I've been depressed so long, so many years, I was so overweight for so long and now I'm nearing a normal weight. I had little self esteem years ago, but now I actually feel somewhat confident, and it's driving me kinda crazy staying in on the weekends because I don't have much to do with anyone.
when you drop the self-pity and understand that "wasted" years are a myth. no one can predict what will happen to them; tragedy and setbacks are universal. the story of doing well in school, meeting you college sweetheart, then having a 60k+ job with a house and family is rich people bullshit the rest of us can't have. nothing has been more powerful to me than hearing about emotionally broken war veterans who bounced back to functioning as normal people in their later years. what's happened to you is you and only about you. no one can call you a failure or set expectations without knowing you. you need to understand what to fix -- what you want -- for yourself and just go with it. there are too many valuable we would have never had if they thought not "making it" before 24 was too late
I'm on a fucking depression roller coaster this past couple weeks. I have a girl who's really into me! Up! We kissed and have been getting closer! UP. She's acting kind of standoffish afterward. Down. She's being fine again, it was all in my head, up! She slept with someone just before we started getting close and thinks she might be pregnant. Down. Every up I'm way up and every down I can't get out of bed and can barely stand to be around anyone.
She can't afford to buy a test and won't let any of our friends buy it for her, is pretty sure she isn't pregnant and now I think she's just going to start avoiding our friend group because one of us bought her a test and tried to force her to take it, and I'm pretty sure she's just mad at all of us now (though that may be in my head too). We had talked about doing something together like going to the beach this week to hang out and talk about her situation, but I haven't talked to her since Sunday and I'm nervous to even text her, which is fucking pathetic. I don't know what to do. I get so close to having someone I care about who wants to be with me and then shit hits the fan and I don't know how to pick up the pieces and make it work. That and I've missed some of my meds lately, so that hasn't helped. I know I have to start taking them again, but beyond that I don't know what the hell to do except probably sleep all day like always happens after shit like this.
She can't afford to buy a test and won't let any of our friends buy it for her, is pretty sure she isn't pregnant and now I think she's just going to start avoiding our friend group because one of us bought her a test and tried to force her to take it, and I'm pretty sure she's just mad at all of us now (though that may be in my head too). We had talked about doing something together like going to the beach this week to hang out and talk about her situation, but I haven't talked to her since Sunday and I'm nervous to even text her, which is fucking pathetic. I don't know what to do. I get so close to having someone I care about who wants to be with me and then shit hits the fan and I don't know how to pick up the pieces and make it work. That and I've missed some of my meds lately, so that hasn't helped. I know I have to start taking them again, but beyond that I don't know what the hell to do except probably sleep all day like always happens after shit like this.
was sent home from my new job because of the color of my shirt, even though similar clothes have been fine before. i don't know how i didn't just collapse right there. i already have anxiety from needing to discuss my disability with management. now this makes trusting them harder.
i'm a burden that no one should have to deal with
i'm a burden that no one should have to deal with
User 479360
Banned
Because of the colour of your shirt?
RoyaleDuke
Banned
Well, my mom's case pretty much fell through and now we might owe them or the defendants tons of money we can never pay. which also means we are going to lose the only vehicle we have because the accident took our away and my mom felt pressured into getting a new car after the lawyers assured her everything would be open and shut.
The only part of the case that was open and shut was mine, and I got $7500 after the lawyers took most of it(this was 2 years ago), which by the way I had to pay all my medical bills out of because the actual process of getting a lawyer, fighting a case, etc, etc, doesn't even pay for your medical bills.
So because I needed the money for my family I didn't pay the medical bills.
So now we have a car we can't pay for, bills, and now we owe them money.
Thanks God, you are really coming through for me.
I am so fucking tired of this shit, everything is falling apart and it has been for years but now... now it looks like we don't get any more chances. I'm so fucking sick of this world and everything in it.
The only part of the case that was open and shut was mine, and I got $7500 after the lawyers took most of it(this was 2 years ago), which by the way I had to pay all my medical bills out of because the actual process of getting a lawyer, fighting a case, etc, etc, doesn't even pay for your medical bills.
So because I needed the money for my family I didn't pay the medical bills.
So now we have a car we can't pay for, bills, and now we owe them money.
Thanks God, you are really coming through for me.
I am so fucking tired of this shit, everything is falling apart and it has been for years but now... now it looks like we don't get any more chances. I'm so fucking sick of this world and everything in it.
User 479360
Banned
God, I miss my Mom. I just want to be with her.
I don't fit into this society at all and people see me as a weird, lazy, waste of space who does nothing. I feel all that pressure, have internalized it and deal with it 24/7. It's killing me, as is the grief.
I don't fit into this society at all and people see me as a weird, lazy, waste of space who does nothing. I feel all that pressure, have internalized it and deal with it 24/7. It's killing me, as is the grief.
umop_3pisdn
Member
It might be a bit early to say, but my dysthymia might just be a symptom of a chronic magnesium deficiency.
User 479360
Banned
I realized I forgot to take my pill yesterday, so I took two today. I know that's not always advised, but I don't really care all that much and I'm also expected to bump up to two pills a day in a couple of weeks.
Heckler456
Banned
If you still can, just go. Accept that you're going to feel like shit, and just do it. I'm sure you know this, anxiety becomes stronger once you avoid the situations you're anxious about. The reason being that the anxiety stems from irrational thoughts (and sometimes rational thoughts, but mostly irrational) that can only be defeated by confronting them with reality.
By far the worst regrets in life are the things you decided not to do. You're going to hate yourself for this later on.
I had an opportunity to go to europe by myself for a couple weeks when I was 20 or so (almost 15 years ago), and didn't because of anxiety and thinking I'd just waste the experience. I should have gone. I got to go for several weeks when I was 24 and, while I went alone and it probably would have been a lot more fun with friends, it was still awesome, and still the best experience I've had since then.
User 479360
Banned
I get very anxious before trips. In fact, I almost cancelled my trip to E3 because I didn't want to deal with the flights and the anxiety.
I detest flying most of the time.
This time it wasn't too bad, though. My anxiety scared me worse than the flights ended up being. And I'm glad I went, even if it was busy a.f.
I detest flying most of the time.
This time it wasn't too bad, though. My anxiety scared me worse than the flights ended up being. And I'm glad I went, even if it was busy a.f.
That reminds me. It was 10 years ago this summer that I was in europe, and looking at the dates on my photos, exactly ten years ago today was my last day in Crete, traveling through the Samaria Gorge, and onto Amsterdam the next day. What a bittersweet feeling looking at those pictures and reminiscing. It's like....the last thing I did in my life that was exciting and really meant something to me. It's hard to convey, especially to someone still in their 20s or younger, how surreal and bizarre it feels to realize that was a whole decade ago. Time really goes by fucking fast.
I had a panic attack on a plane once, before I'd gotten used to flying. It was one of the worst couple hours of my life. Fortunately, later flights (and there have been many) have been much less eventful.
Freeza Under The Shower
Member
I'd say exercise (lifting, cardio) is a good way to even that out, combined with some actually mentally challenging stuff. If the first is not an option than just the latter (I don't recall everyone's situation here, so I don't know what's feasible). Something that is just a little above your comfort level, preferably. Doesn't have to be much, but just enough to get past the feeling of having too much energy. Oh, and rewarding, of course. There is a difference between doing something the hard way or doing something that's hard for you now, to get the reward of making it easier.
You could always try to become a polyglot. I am.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Obviously there's no point in posting this; at most it'll be venting, which isn't ever really helpful. So, cue lingering but quashed depression background, persistent unemployment, failures in interpersonal relationships, etc.
Anyway, this weekend I'm meant to be promoted a rank in the military. This sort of thing only occurs once every six years. I've thought about this moment considerably for a very long time. Everyone who does the ceremony "correctly" invites their friends and family and loved ones, and it's a celebration of how awesome the person is and how they're ready to take on new responsibilities.
In my case, I tried to arrange that, except ... no one would come. Granted, it'd be during the week. And my now-ex recently broke up with me, so I couldn't invite her. And my (I guess) best friend here would be out of town, so that's not her fault. But I had to explain to my chain of command that no, I desperately didn't want to have a ceremony because it would be too embarrassing since I'd have literally no one to invite. And that was utterly mortifying, but whatever: that's what I'm dealing with.
Instead, I thought I'd I could possibly get friends out for drinks this weekend. But out of the 10 or so people I invited, all of whom saw the Facebook invitation, only one replied and said he'd be out of town. So there's that, which just underscores the whole point. Another friend said "let's throw a party sometime" after I gave her concert tickets that I originally bought for me and my ex, but ... yeah, no one to invite, because I'm tired of inviting people, or having people promise to get back in touch with me, and then hearing nothing.
Selfish or not, all I want is for at least one person to spend one hour celebrating an accomplishment of mine once every six years. I really don't think that's too much to ask. I'm sure I'll be fine next weekend, once all of this passes, but goddamn, it sucks now, and when I show up in a new uniform on Monday and people ask me what I did to celebrate... God, I hate those questions. I'm embarrassed just thinking about them, especially since I'll outrank many people who ask, and I'll need to provide a better cover story than "I got drunk a lot during the weekend."
Anyway, this weekend I'm meant to be promoted a rank in the military. This sort of thing only occurs once every six years. I've thought about this moment considerably for a very long time. Everyone who does the ceremony "correctly" invites their friends and family and loved ones, and it's a celebration of how awesome the person is and how they're ready to take on new responsibilities.
In my case, I tried to arrange that, except ... no one would come. Granted, it'd be during the week. And my now-ex recently broke up with me, so I couldn't invite her. And my (I guess) best friend here would be out of town, so that's not her fault. But I had to explain to my chain of command that no, I desperately didn't want to have a ceremony because it would be too embarrassing since I'd have literally no one to invite. And that was utterly mortifying, but whatever: that's what I'm dealing with.
Instead, I thought I'd I could possibly get friends out for drinks this weekend. But out of the 10 or so people I invited, all of whom saw the Facebook invitation, only one replied and said he'd be out of town. So there's that, which just underscores the whole point. Another friend said "let's throw a party sometime" after I gave her concert tickets that I originally bought for me and my ex, but ... yeah, no one to invite, because I'm tired of inviting people, or having people promise to get back in touch with me, and then hearing nothing.
Selfish or not, all I want is for at least one person to spend one hour celebrating an accomplishment of mine once every six years. I really don't think that's too much to ask. I'm sure I'll be fine next weekend, once all of this passes, but goddamn, it sucks now, and when I show up in a new uniform on Monday and people ask me what I did to celebrate... God, I hate those questions. I'm embarrassed just thinking about them, especially since I'll outrank many people who ask, and I'll need to provide a better cover story than "I got drunk a lot during the weekend."
User 479360
Banned
Sorry to hear that. Congratulations on your promotion, though. I'm sure it's well deserved.
I wish I lived closer, because I would definitely attend or go out for drinks.
Why are mornings so damn hard? I get flooded with so many damn emotions, memories, and urges to contact her. But she's in bed with him and any attempt to contact her will make me look like a bigger baphoon.
I can't stop thinking about my best friend who passed away over 2 years ago. Life would be so much easier with him around.
I can't stop thinking about my best friend who passed away over 2 years ago. Life would be so much easier with him around.
I think I need to break up with my boyfriend. We're on a break now but... I don't know if I seeing it going anywhere. Things just seem different lately. His flaws seem more noticeable, I keep getting distant from him almost by impulse. I still like him a lot, he's still my best friend, and I can't imagine not talking to him again.
I thought I was stronger than this. I broke down crying a bit ago, just, things letting loose. I thought about my future alone, my lack of friends, everything. I can't go back to being alone, I can't. I can't not talk to him. He's the only person I have.
I'm sorry for the rambling. I'm going to go to bed. I just feel like my heart is breaking in two.
I thought I was stronger than this. I broke down crying a bit ago, just, things letting loose. I thought about my future alone, my lack of friends, everything. I can't go back to being alone, I can't. I can't not talk to him. He's the only person I have.
I'm sorry for the rambling. I'm going to go to bed. I just feel like my heart is breaking in two.
Astral Dog
Member
i know its not much use, but there is no shame in asking them first, if he/she is a threat to himself or anyone else, even if not right now. you would need to explain very well though, just what kind of damage this person is capable of.
you were promoted.and put so much effort its a shame you wont have a proper celebration
but dont give up!, you could find someone to celebrate with,you never know where you caould find a friend . also it sucks but dont let those silly questions put you down, try to make fun of them.good luck.
Really fed up with the world.
Fed up of being alone, fed up with not being able to get a decent job, fed up with feeling like crap every day. Fed up with being nice to people and getting nothing back.
So tired, every day it's more difficult to get up. Can't go on much longer like this.
Fed up of being alone, fed up with not being able to get a decent job, fed up with feeling like crap every day. Fed up with being nice to people and getting nothing back.
So tired, every day it's more difficult to get up. Can't go on much longer like this.
opticalmace
Member
Sorry to hear it. Do you live on your own or with family? How old are you if I may ask?
Thanks, I'm 29 and I live on my own.
opticalmace
Member
Are you into any hobbies/sports? Sometimes I make (good) friends that way.
Sorry if this comes off as dumb/obvious.
I'm not really into any sports sadly. And all my hobbies don't really lend themselves to meeting people. But you are right I need to find something that will allow me to meet people.
Who would of thought that meeting people would be so difficult.
opticalmace
Member
I'm 32 and I know what you mean. I think if you focus on doing things that you enjoy doing the socializing part will come easier though.
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