Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.

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I feel like shit, I hate night time. I started renting a house with my gf in February as a kind of relationship test. I didn't realise our relationship had gotten stale and I hadn't been appreciating her.

We moved in together and she broke up with me, so I bought my own house and moved out. She told me "it's nothing to do with you, I just want to be free and single for a long time". I still had keys for the old place (I'm still paying for it) and went round to use the internet while she was at work. I found positive pregnancy tests and abortion forms for the hospital, and I saw her profile on Tinder.

She found out I knew everything and called me a fucking psycho, said she would call the police for me being in our house (wut?). I didn't want any trouble so I posted the keys back to her.

It's been like three months since we broke up. I hated her for a while after finding out about Tinder and the abortion, but now time has passed I hate myself and miss her. I caused those things because I didn't treat her better. I've been living alone for a while now and hate it. Sometimes I finish work on a Thursday night and don't talk to or see people again until Monday. I signed up to four dating sites and must have sent 200 messages, but I never have any luck with it. My ex gf really got me, you know? She was my best friend, and I'm so lonely now. She used the word 'depressed' as an insult - "you're a mean, depressed man".
 
I feel like shit, I hate night time. I started renting a house with my gf in February as a kind of relationship test. I didn't realise our relationship had gotten stale and I hadn't been appreciating her.

We moved in together and she broke up with me, so I bought my own house and moved out. She told me "it's nothing to do with you, I just want to be free and single for a long time". I still had keys for the old place (I'm still paying for it) and went round to use the internet while she was at work. I found positive pregnancy tests and abortion forms for the hospital, and I saw her profile on Tinder.

She found out I knew everything and called me a fucking psycho, said she would call the police for me being in our house (wut?). I didn't want any trouble so I posted the keys back to her.

It's been like three months since we broke up. I hated her for a while after finding out about Tinder and the abortion, but now time has passed I hate myself and miss her. I caused those things because I didn't treat her better. I've been living alone for a while now and hate it. Sometimes I finish work on a Thursday night and don't talk to or see people again until Monday. I signed up to four dating sites and must have sent 200 messages, but I never have any luck with it. My ex gf really got me, you know? She was my best friend, and I'm so lonely now. She used the word 'depressed' as an insult - "you're a mean, depressed man".

Dude, she's a callous piece of shit, forget her. You'll find someone better who doesn't lie or cheat on you.
 
I feel like shit, I hate night time. I started renting a house with my gf in February as a kind of relationship test. I didn't realise our relationship had gotten stale and I hadn't been appreciating her.

We moved in together and she broke up with me, so I bought my own house and moved out. She told me "it's nothing to do with you, I just want to be free and single for a long time". I still had keys for the old place (I'm still paying for it) and went round to use the internet while she was at work. I found positive pregnancy tests and abortion forms for the hospital, and I saw her profile on Tinder.

She found out I knew everything and called me a fucking psycho, said she would call the police for me being in our house (wut?). I didn't want any trouble so I posted the keys back to her.

It's been like three months since we broke up. I hated her for a while after finding out about Tinder and the abortion, but now time has passed I hate myself and miss her. I caused those things because I didn't treat her better. I've been living alone for a while now and hate it. Sometimes I finish work on a Thursday night and don't talk to or see people again until Monday. I signed up to four dating sites and must have sent 200 messages, but I never have any luck with it. My ex gf really got me, you know? She was my best friend, and I'm so lonely now. She used the word 'depressed' as an insult - "you're a mean, depressed man".
It's completely normal to miss someone after we got used to being with them. But apparently this girl is a piece of shit and you're better off without her. Erase her from your memories. Cut all contact with her and move on, for your own good.
 
I'm on hour 45 of no alcohol and wow...withdrawal is fucking terrible. hanging in there though, trying to stay hydrated distracted in order to minimize the self-loathing and anxiety
 
Is it possible to be a functional agoraphobic?
All mental illnesses seem to come in a variety of severity, from what I can tell. I'd define "high-functioning" agoraphobia something like: Maybe you can go outside for needed things and even hold down a job. Maybe you even have panic attacks in certain situations (like eating at a sit-down restaurant), but you can avoid that. However, you always feel safest and calmest at home.

I have pretty severe agoraphobia, and even I can fake it and go outside for a few hours. Usually for medical appointments, I tend to melt down every place else to some degree. It hasn't been as bad recently, the homeopathic stuff I'm taking does to be helping somewhat, even if it is just placebo effect.

I'm no therapist though, have you considered seeing someone and/or trying medication?
 
I'm on hour 45 of no alcohol and wow...withdrawal is fucking terrible. hanging in there though, trying to stay hydrated distracted in order to minimize the self-loathing and anxiety

Congrats on the great decision dude. You're doing the right thing.


As for myself, it's been the single most difficult week in recent memory. I've been absolutely stuck in this spiral of self-pity about the fact that I'm 26 and have achieved exactly jack-shit in my life; and this extremely dismal feeling when looking at the future in regards to ever being able to fulfill my life-wish of starting a family and actually being loved (how pathetic...), along with being strong enough to put in the sheer amount of effort, daily, to actually get myself to that point in terms of appearance, studies, and social life. I'm constantly thinking "it's already so difficult for normal people without my history to do this kind of shit, who the hell am I to think that I might even have a ghost of a chance at succeeding?" The worst part is, it's all based on demonstrable facts from my past, along with logical deductions (seemingly); not the usual illogical chatter that runs through my brain. I don't know if I can get through this.
 
All mental illnesses seem to come in a variety of severity, from what I can tell. I'd define "high-functioning" agoraphobia something like: Maybe you can go outside for needed things and even hold down a job. Maybe you even have panic attacks in certain situations (like eating at a sit-down restaurant), but you can avoid that. However, you always feel safest and calmest at home.

I have pretty severe agoraphobia, and even I can fake it and go outside for a few hours. Usually for medical appointments, I tend to melt down every place else to some degree. It hasn't been as bad recently, the homeopathic stuff I'm taking does to be helping somewhat, even if it is just placebo effect.

I'm no therapist though, have you considered seeing someone and/or trying medication?

I go to a therapist, she says I just have anxiety, but without getting into specifics, it definitely feels similar to what you describe. I haven't really discussed the diagnosis further as I'm a little conflicted about it. She's a professional, after all, so maybe my symptoms aren't as bad as I think they are. I feel like I'm not in a position to debate it because I obviously can't see myself from the outside.
 
I'm on hour 45 of no alcohol and wow...withdrawal is fucking terrible. hanging in there though, trying to stay hydrated distracted in order to minimize the self-loathing and anxiety

Congrats man. Stay strong and focused. This a positive step towards a healthier you. I know you can do it.
 
So I'm planning to do a trip somewhere in Europe (like 3 days since I don't have much money) but there are 2 things that refrains me to do so like always :
- I don't have a friend with me to travel with, travelling alone sounds so boring
- I don't know what I will do there

It's the same in my everyday life routine, I don't know what to do and if I find something to do, it's not done since I will do it alone and it really starts to burdens me. When I was a teenager, it wasn't a problem, I was happy with video game but now it bores me... Same with movies, animes, books, etc. So my days are absolutely boring and I am almost impatient to start my second year at college but it will depress me again because I do a lot of effort to talk with people but nobody seems to care about me...........................

And if it wasn't enough, I talked with my therapist about all these problems, he doesn't seem to have a solution, he can't make miracles I guess. But then I talked about this growing idea of mine of suicide and I didn't do it before because it could hurt my family and that now I don't care to do it but the only thing he says about that it's simply "oh man is that because you want to join your father ?", he is obsessed by my father and seems to thing that all my issues revolve around his death and I don't think that's the case. He is a really bad therapist and I wasted 1 year of my life with him thinking it could fix my depression, well no. I see him next time in more than one month so basically, I'm all alone with my depression for like one month.

When I started this new year of college, I thought this was the time to change, to do something new for once and basically, nothing has changed at all. I'm so pissed off and in despair
 
So I'm planning to do a trip somewhere in Europe (like 3 days since I don't have much money) but there are 2 things that refrains me to do so like always :
- I don't have a friend with me to travel with, travelling alone sounds so boring
- I don't know what I will do there

It's the same in my everyday life routine, I don't know what to do and if I find something to do, it's not done since I will do it alone and it really starts to burdens me. When I was a teenager, it wasn't a problem, I was happy with video game but now it bores me... Same with movies, animes, books, etc. So my days are absolutely boring and I am almost impatient to start my second year at college but it will depress me again because I do a lot of effort to talk with people but nobody seems to care about me...........................

And if it wasn't enough, I talked with my therapist about all these problems, he doesn't seem to have a solution, he can't make miracles I guess. But then I talked about this growing idea of mine of suicide and I didn't do it before because it could hurt my family and that now I don't care to do it but the only thing he says about that it's simply "oh man is that because you want to join your father ?", he is obsessed by my father and seems to thing that all my issues revolve around his death and I don't think that's the case. He is a really bad therapist and I wasted 1 year of my life with him thinking it could fix my depression, well no. I see him next time in more than one month so basically, I'm all alone with my depression for like one month.

When I started this new year of college, I thought this was the time to change, to do something new for once and basically, nothing has changed at all. I'm so pissed off and in despair

I traveled alone in Europe and it was definitely worth it, although there were parts that I felt would have been a lot more fun with friends. Where do you plan on traveling to?
 
Milan maybe, it's not really expensive and I don't have a huge budget

I was in Florence and Rome and the Cinque Terre. Don't really know anything about Milan. If it's anything like the cities in Italy I've been to, you can have a nice time just hanging around, checking out local places to eat, coffee shops, and wandering around soaking in the atmosphere, taking photos, and I'm sure there are tons of interesting sights to see. You don't have to spend a lot on shit like expensive tours to enjoy yourself in these cities. If you're only there a few days you'll be leaving wishing you had more time to spend, believe me not knowing what you'll do there won't be a problem.

Or you could just go Auctopus. :)
 
So for the last 6 years since my wife and I have been together, it's been a roller coaster. I love her dearly, she has anxiety and depression, and she recently got laid off about a month ago so that hasn't helped much. No job prospects have come up, at least none that would pan out to something greater. She's spent the past 6 years bouncing from job to job, and something always comes up that makes her miserable at whatever she's doing. Also, she requires daily medication for a couple of issues and her health insurance went with her job.

My mom is having health problems but won't see a doctor, and as much as I love her she's a complete drain on me mentally and attempts to be financially, but I put a stop to that very quickly.

I've basically taken everything on my shoulders regarding my family's problems and have been the rock for everyone around me for as long as I can remember, but last night I was laying in bed and the past 6 years hit me all at once. For the first time in my life, I entertained thoughts about where I could buy a gun quickly and, if things get worse, possibly hurt myself. I feel badly because I'm starting to resent my wife at times for the job thing, but after 6 years of being the one in the relationship that financially and emotionally keeps things going, I'm starting to break down. I came in to work this morning after being up all night and it took everything I had not to collapse into a corner and just let it all out.

My wife is getting unemployment for 26 weeks, so we're somewhat covered financially though it's still very tight, but the complete lack of any sort of follow-up to the multitudes of jobs we've applied for has me worried that once the 6 months is up, we're going to be trying to survive on my salary alone. I just don't know where to go from here, and the fact that I even entertained those thoughts last night scares the hell out of me.
 
I was in Florence and Rome and the Cinque Terre. Don't really know anything about Milan. If it's anything like the cities in Italy I've been to, you can have a nice time just hanging around, checking out local places to eat, coffee shops, and wandering around soaking in the atmosphere, taking photos, and I'm sure there are tons of interesting sights to see. You don't have to spend a lot on shit like expensive tours to enjoy yourself in these cities. If you're only there a few days you'll be leaving wishing you had more time to spend, believe me not knowing what you'll do there won't be a problem.

Or you could just go Auctopus. :)

Haha why not ! Anyway I really thank you, I really feel like going there now
 
Went down the Facebook hole again looking at friends of friends. I just know I'll never anyone here in America. Sometimes I wish I could drink and bottle of NyQuil and vodka and never wake up. I wish I could stab the gay part out of me. I have two choices get the courage and move or die
 
Haha why not ! Anyway I really thank you, I really feel like going there now
Awesome man you won't regret it. Only thing you'll regret is having to leave after just 3 days. :) looking at pictures, Milan looks really nice. I'm sure I would have a great time just wandering around immersing myself in the city.

Now I wanna go traveling again. :(
 
My sister knows some guy named David from work who apparently had a mental breakdown a few weeks ago and hadn't gone back.

She just called me to listen to him rumble on the phone with him, dude believes he is god, created death, had multiple past lives and had to create a women named Jules to be his other half for something or another. I listened to him for about 6 minutes talk about his great power and other shit that I don't even know.

First time ever actually listening to someone who has schizophrenia, pretty fucked up.

It freaked me out so much that I had to type this out somewhere, dunno if this is the correct thread for that, just wanted to share.
 
As for myself, it's been the single most difficult week in recent memory. I've been absolutely stuck in this spiral of self-pity about the fact that I'm 26 and have achieved exactly jack-shit in my life; and this extremely dismal feeling when looking at the future in regards to ever being able to fulfill my life-wish of starting a family and actually being loved (how pathetic...), along with being strong enough to put in the sheer amount of effort, daily, to actually get myself to that point in terms of appearance, studies, and social life. I'm constantly thinking "it's already so difficult for normal people without my history to do this kind of shit, who the hell am I to think that I might even have a ghost of a chance at succeeding?" The worst part is, it's all based on demonstrable facts from my past, along with logical deductions (seemingly); not the usual illogical chatter that runs through my brain. I don't know if I can get through this.
I know that feeling. If I knew what to do about it I'd tell you but I don't.
 
Dreams still haunting me. I think what makes them so scary is that they have a really weird atmosphere in a negative and dark way and in turn makes me anxious.

What makes it worse is that I could be alone on this.
 
When I'm on my own I have some kind of tick where out of no where I'll say random shit out loud. In public/around others it doesn't happen at all. What is this..
 
Before May, I was a virgin. I thought it mattered. Turns out it doesn't. In that string of time, I've been with several guys. I thought that matters. It doesn't. Sex isn't any different than all the other things I'd use to temporarily try and mask my misery. Alcohol, food, weed, video games, television. None of those things help or especially matter. I'm in the same place I was before I was with my first dude, more or less. Just a little bit more experienced.

I know what makes me happy, performing and I'm not doing it regularly. And I still can't find a way to fill that hole. Lord knows I've tried many things. Even when I have been able to perform, I still feel empty, like I'm just killing time, making a paycheck. So maybe that can't make me happy after all. I'm not sure what can.
 
Before May, I was a virgin. I thought it mattered. Turns out it doesn't. In that string of time, I've been with several guys. I thought that matters. It doesn't. Sex isn't any different than all the other things I'd use to temporarily try and mask my misery. Alcohol, food, weed, video games, television. None of those things help or especially matter. I'm in the same place I was before I was with my first dude, more or less. Just a little bit more experienced.

I know what makes me happy, performing and I'm not doing it regularly. And I still can't find a way to fill that hole. Lord knows I've tried many things. Even when I have been able to perform, I still feel empty, like I'm just killing time, making a paycheck. So maybe that can't make me happy after all. I'm not sure what can.

Yeah, pretty much the story of my life, though the specifics are different. But the general thought process: Unhappy with where I'm currently at, but having something in mind that I'm sure is the thing that's missing and is what will finally make me happy (the first thing that comes to mind for me is thinking a new job will make me happy) and then getting it and realizing that didn't make you happy either. It sucks. It's so frustrating. I mean, there's gotta be something out there that actually brings happiness, right?
With that said, I know it's ironic given what I just said, but I'm still very hopeful that the non-profit job I'm starting in August will bring me a sense of fulfillment and happiness that I'm currently lacking majorly. We'll see if it's yet another one of these things that I think will make me happy but won't or if it's genuinely something that changes my life for the better.
 
I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like shit all the time, and have been on around 10 different medications in the last year. I feel like my psychiatrist is giving up on me and talk therapy has done NOTHING.

I have zero desire to improve my life. ZERO. In fact, it's almost a negative desire to improve my life. The thought of doing so makes me feel sick.

I'm now back on prozac for some reason, a pill that completely destroys me sexually and is totally not viable, but the doctor says "you've tried everything."

Which is not true... aren't there a million medications out there?

I just don't want to live. Not kill myself, but also not live.

Edit: Don't know why I said "10 years"... It's only been one year with 10 different medications.
 
I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like shit all the time, and have been on around 10 different medications in the last year. I feel like my psychiatrist is giving up on me and talk therapy has done NOTHING.

I have zero desire to improve my life. ZERO. In fact, it's almost a negative desire to improve my life. The thought of doing so makes me feel sick.

I'm now back on prozac for some reason, a pill that completely destroys me sexually and is totally not viable, but the doctor says "you've tried everything."

Which is not true... aren't there a million medications out there?

I just don't want to live. Not kill myself, but also not live.

Edit: Don't know why I said "10 years"... It's only been one year with 10 different medications.
Switch therapists or doctors, whoever is giving you these meds. Now. If you've really been on 10 medications in a year, without the two to three month adjustment period, plus proper tapering on and off, you are most likely causing permanent damage to your brain. This alone could be the reason you're feeling worse than ever.
 
Switch therapists or doctors, whoever is giving you these meds. Now. If you've really been on 10 medications in a year, without the two to three month adjustment period, plus proper tapering on and off, you are most likely causing permanent damage to your brain. This alone could be the reason you're feeling worse than ever.

Yeah, I hope he's exaggerating there. That's a LOT of experimentation in a short period of time.
 
Switch therapists or doctors, whoever is giving you these meds. Now. If you've really been on 10 medications in a year, without the two to three month adjustment period, plus proper tapering on and off, you are most likely causing permanent damage to your brain. This alone could be the reason you're feeling worse than ever.

I'm on the phone right now trying to switch.

I wish I had a list of all the medications I've been on. It has to be close to 10 at this point.

I seem overly sensitive to side effects, to the point that being on these medications is unbearable for me. I don't blame the doctor for this, but I do feel like he's actively trying to get rid of me. Maybe I have a personality disorder and am difficult to deal with or something.
 
I'm on the phone right now trying to switch.

I wish I had a list of all the medications I've been on. It has to be close to 10 at this point.

I seem overly sensitive to side effects, to the point that being on these medications is unbearable for me. I don't blame the doctor for this, but I do feel like he's actively trying to get rid of me. Maybe I have a personality disorder and am difficult to deal with or something.

I'm sensitive too. I took one pill of a medication once and that was enough to send me into an especially terrible mood. Needless to say I stopped taking it after that one pill.
 
I see you guys with your problems here and sometimes i think i don't belong as i'm not diagnosed. I had two shitty experiences with psychiatrists and i'm not willing to try again.

I've been feeling so much anger, frustration. So much negativity lately. It's like something is broken inside my head.

I don't want to die. I feel attached to people and to my stuff. But i don't want to exist.
Having a consciousness is not worth the hassle. I want to go back being an inanimated part of the universe.

Back in 2010 i climbed on the window frame. I was ready to jump from the 8th floor when my life flashed before my eyes. I swear. But i cried like a little girl and gave up. I know i'm not able to kill myself.
I had this feeling that i was about to die soon. But it's 2016 and i'm still here.

I'm not looking for help or sympathy. I just wanted to tell someone how i feel.
 
What's so difficult for me is the total lack of control I have over my depression sometimes. I'll be enjoying life just fine (I mean, things aren't perfect, but I haven't been miserable and have been enjoying my free time lately) and then I'll wake up the next day - and nothing bad at all had happened, no unusually bad thoughts running through my head, just nothing different at all - and I'll be terribly depressed and feel both mentally and physically awful. No matter how much I try to put things right in my head, telling myself how good things actually are in my life and how I'm in control of my happiness, the feeling continues. All I can do is wait it out.
Luckily I'm feeling better today (not perfect, but better) and I only had to experience that awfulness the past two days, but still...

I really want to try some new meds soon. And I still really want to find myself a therapist that works well for me. Gotta get that scheduled though...
 
What's so difficult for me is the total lack of control I have over my depression sometimes. I'll be enjoying life just fine (I mean, things aren't perfect, but I haven't been miserable and have been enjoying my free time lately) and then I'll wake up the next day - and nothing bad at all had happened, no unusually bad thoughts running through my head, just nothing different at all - and I'll be terribly depressed and feel both mentally and physically awful. No matter how much I try to put things right in my head, telling myself how good things actually are in my life and how I'm in control of my happiness, the feeling continues. All I can do is wait it out.
Luckily I'm feeling better today (not perfect, but better) and I only had to experience that awfulness the past two days, but still...

I really want to try some new meds soon. And I still really want to find myself a therapist that works well for me. Gotta get that scheduled though...
I feel especially terrible in early mornings. So miserable and cynical. That's why I like to sleep as long as possible and wake up late.
 
I was supposed to see my psychiatrist today, for the first time since the late winter, but I cancelled it. I just didn't feel like going out, to be honest -- at least not there. I don't see much of a point given that she doesn't really remember me, I only see her once every month and a half to two months (normally) and it's not that helpful longterm. I still have meds.

I was surprised when they said the next appointment was Sept. 1.
 
Just something that helped me:

If you have thoughts running through your head that hurt you, verbalize them, and express them through emotions. Processing difficult or even traumatic events isn't the same as just experiencing pain stemming from what are essentially images flashing through your brain. You need to talk about them, cry about them, get angry about them, ... Expressing whatever you're actually feeling. It sounds cliche, but bottling them up isn't the solution.
 
Needs some help as I'm trying to figure something out.

This past winter, I've finally broke out of a depression I could say begun since I was a kid (I'm approaching my 30s). I am far more confident than I've ever felt so far in my adulthood. The issue is that I feel that all those years of depression have left me crippled in someway. It's a very bizzare feeling, it's like there's a dark hole when it comes to tact related to social interaction with people/society. Makes me feel extremely naive and that I'll get easy abused/ridiculed by people with a better wit/social standing than me. It's like I'm missing an important fact about being social and I can't pinpoint it because I've never exercised this "ability".

Does anyone understand what I'm talking about?
 
Needs some help as I'm trying to figure something out.

This past winter, I've finally broke out of a depression I could say begun since I was a kid (I'm approaching my 30s). I am far more confident than I've ever felt so far in my adulthood. The issue is that I feel that all those years of depression have left me crippled in someway. It's a very bizzare feeling, it's like there's a dark hole when it comes to tact related to social interaction with people/society. Makes me feel extremely naive and that I'll get easy abused/ridiculed by people with a better wit/social standing than me. It's like I'm missing an important fact about being social and I can't pinpoint it because I've never exercised this "ability".

Does anyone understand what I'm talking about?

Hi, I completely understand what you mean, Unfortunately, that will happen. There are people out there that pick up on the insecurity and will put you down just to make themselves feel better. As for how to get better? I honestly don't know. I'm still learning myself, and it makes interacting with people really hard (for me).
 
I feel especially terrible in early mornings. So miserable and cynical. That's why I like to sleep as long as possible and wake up late.

Funny enough, mornings are by far my favorite part of the day. Mostly because I haven't started to worry about anything yet. My mind is clear and at peace and I can just relax and enjoy some reading or TV or whatever. I absolutely love mornings.
 
I feel especially terrible in early mornings. So miserable and cynical. That's why I like to sleep as long as possible and wake up late.

I'm kind of the same, or at least I used to be. In college I remember waking up in the morning on the weekends, and they were probably the most depressing moments of my life, for some reason. I remember waking up on saturday mornings wishing I would just die. I couldn't get out of bed. I think it was because it was the weekend and I had nothing I had to do, and I imagined everyone else being out and having fun, and I was alone in my dorm room. I think it resulted in a habit of staying up really late, which lingers to this day. I don't think it's nearly as bad as it used to be, for whatever reason. But it was pretty bad in college. I mean I would wake up on weekend mornings in a really, really dark place. I'm not really sure what it is about mornings, lying in bed, that are so depressing. But anyways I feel you. Hope this made sense, I'm pretty drunk right now at a cafe doing homework.
 
I feel stupid, but I realized why I've been so tired lately and why I haven't felt like getting off the couch. Well, one reason.

My stomach has been a bit up and down and I just haven't had a lot of energy. I wake up, am up for a bit, then want to sleep.

It's the pills. I guess it's a side effect from the generic Prozac. I probably jumped into taking 2 per day far too early. I doubled up that one day then just kept going.

I feel like shit right now. Tired and a bit sick. Hopefully the side effects will go away.
 
I feel stupid, but I realized why I've been so tired lately and why I haven't felt like getting off the couch. Well, one reason.

My stomach has been a bit up and down and I just haven't had a lot of energy. I wake up, am up for a bit, then want to sleep.

It's the pills. I guess it's a side effect from the generic Prozac. I probably jumped into taking 2 per day far too early. I doubled up that one day then just kept going.

I feel like shit right now. Tired and a bit sick. Hopefully the side effects will go away.

How long has it been since you switched to 2?
 
I pretty much got cornered by my parents earlier today, basically telling me to sort my life out (I'm 22, unemployed and living at home). I know they're right in most of the things they tell me, but I seriously struggle with getting over the hurdle of beginning to improve when the only honest answer I have is that I don't even want to be in this world. Arguably the worst part is that I know I've made a post almost exactly the same as this one in this thread before and things haven't changed, or when it seems like I'm taking a step forward, I stumble and slip down two more.

I keep imagining my life in 20 years time and I don't see anything worth looking forward to. Even if I do end up in a stable position, I don't think I'll ever move beyond simply surviving without living. I know it's unreasonable to assume that outcome considering I'm still young but the feeling persists regardless.

EDIT: Reading this through after posting, it probably comes across as "Baby's first rut".
 
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