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[Heckler456]

I pretty much got cornered by my parents earlier today, basically telling me to sort my life out (I'm 22, unemployed and living at home). I know they're right in most of the things they tell me, but I seriously struggle with getting over the hurdle of beginning to improve when the only honest answer I have is that I don't even want to be in this world. Arguably the worst part is that I know I've made a post almost exactly the same as this one in this thread before and things haven't changed, or when it seems like I'm taking a step forward, I stumble and slip down two more.

I keep imagining my life in 20 years time and I don't see anything worth looking forward to. Even if I do end up in a stable position, I don't think I'll ever move beyond simply surviving without living. I know it's unreasonable to assume that outcome considering I'm still young but the feeling persists regardless.

EDIT: Reading this through after posting, it probably comes across as "Baby's first rut".

Same position as you, except 4 years older. Don't have any hope for the future either, and share the same feeling of "even if everything works out, my life will probably suck regardless".

That being said though... You know what you've got now. If you stay where you're at right now, you'll know what you'll be getting over the next couple of years too. If you put yourself out there, some good is bound to come from it, right?

Go fail dude. There's nothing wrong with it, I realized that way too late. Worst comes to worst, you skip town or move to a different city/state.

Seriously though, don't be me. I can assure you right now, you don't know what the loss of your youth feels like until you're actually there. And let me tell you, it's extremely painful. Even if it hurts right now; even if every single fiber in your body screams at you that you'd rather be sitting at home doing whatever, go do what you know you ought to be doing. It'll be tough, might even be embarrassing, but it'll be even tougher 1-4 years from now.

 

[demon]

I pretty much got cornered by my parents earlier today, basically telling me to sort my life out (I'm 22, unemployed and living at home). I know they're right in most of the things they tell me, but I seriously struggle with getting over the hurdle of beginning to improve when the only honest answer I have is that I don't even want to be in this world. Arguably the worst part is that I know I've made a post almost exactly the same as this one in this thread before and things haven't changed, or when it seems like I'm taking a step forward, I stumble and slip down two more.

I keep imagining my life in 20 years time and I don't see anything worth looking forward to. Even if I do end up in a stable position, I don't think I'll ever move beyond simply surviving without living. I know it's unreasonable to assume that outcome considering I'm still young but the feeling persists regardless.

EDIT: Reading this through after posting, it probably comes across as "Baby's first rut".

I felt the same way at 22. Hell I felt the same way at 32 (with one or two shattered dreams that came to nothing in between). Now I'm back in school for engineering. 22 is super young dude. You can find something you want to do with your life, but it might take some work to get there. If you're depressed then you need to seek therapy and possibly medication (meds honestly did more for me than the therapy). Work on yourself in ways you need to. Get a bullshit job in the meantime to support yourself. For all you know you could be well on your way at 25 to achieving a dream you don't even have yet. Do your parents know you're depressed? I know you didn't explicitly use the word here but it's obvious you are.

 

[SugarDave]

Same position as you, except 4 years older. Don't have any hope for the future either, and share the same feeling of "even if everything works out, my life will probably suck regardless".

That being said though... You know what you've got now. If you stay where you're at right now, you'll know what you'll be getting over the next couple of years too. If you put yourself out there, some good is bound to come from it, right?

Go fail dude. There's nothing wrong with it, I realized that way too late. Worst comes to worst, you skip town or move to a different city/state.

Seriously though, don't be me. I can assure you right now, you don't know what the loss of your youth feels like until you're actually there. And let me tell you, it's extremely painful. Even if it hurts right now; even if every single fiber in your body screams at you that you'd rather be sitting at home doing whatever, go do what you know you ought to be doing. It'll be tough, might even be embarrassing, but it'll be even tougher 1-4 years from now.

You're right. Echoes some of what my parents said too. I won't go into too much detail but they expressed concern that on my current course, my future will be similar to that of my uncle, who spent so much of his youth sheltered that he's now not exactly living a happy life and is more than likely past the point of even being capable to turn things around. I can understand how just a couple of extra years "taking it easy" might add to making change seem like an insurmountable task. Thanks for the encouraging words.

I felt the same way at 22. Hell I felt the same way at 32 (with one or two shattered dreams that came to nothing in between). Now I'm back in school for engineering. 22 is super young dude. You can find something you want to do with your life, but it might take some work to get there. If you're depressed then you need to seek therapy and possibly medication (meds honestly did more for me than the therapy). Work on yourself in ways you need to. Get a bullshit job in the meantime to support yourself. For all you know you could be well on your way at 25 to achieving a dream you don't even have yet. Do your parents know you're depressed? I know you didn't explicitly use the word here but it's obvious you are.

Good on you for going back to study, I hope it's going well. I'm interested in pursuing some kind of creative career, I'm just not exactly sure what kind or how to get there. I've considered going back to school myself for writing or something similar but you always hear about how those kinds of qualifications are useless. At this point, I'm not sure if that's a genuine concern or a convenient excuse.

My parents are aware of my problems with depression. There was a period last year where I was at a severely low point and took medication for a few months. I made the mistake of blaming everything entirely on how much I hated my job at the time though, and stopped taking them once I quit. Needless to say, it didn't take long before I fell back into a rut and my plans of travelling etc. came to nothing. My mother often encourages me to go back and see a doctor, but I don't know exactly know what has been stopping me. Sometimes I wonder if it's because I can't even be bothered to get better.

 

[mozfan12]

How do you cope with alcoholism when you suffer from anxiety? I take antidepressants, but I much prefer a Xanax when the going gets tough. I'm not sure how to cope with anxiety without the Xanax, so I just drink when I run out of a prescription. I know, I know, bad idea.

 

[Kipp]

A week?

I'd definitely say it's side effects then. Just power through it and know that it's not you, it's the medication. Hang in there man.

 

[fushi]

In the past few months I have slowly figured out what some people mean when they feel physically crippled by depression.

My moods are as alright as they have ever been and I have been fortunate enough never to end up in quite the darkest parts of ones mind, but, man... the persistent fatigue, mild dizziness and headaches just won't let go. I've had to take days off work because I feel like I am barely functioning. Weekends are spent pretty much trying to recuperate from the workweek.

Anyone else deal with mostly physical symptoms when it comes to mental disorders? I'll try force myself to a gym to see if that helps since the amount of walking I do daily doesn't help much. Might switch meds too.

 

[Lead]

Kinda doing bad right now, I'm a war veteran with some rather severe PTSD. I've been having severe depressions on/off for the past 6 years since I came home from my tour, this march I was drinking a lot and my family basically forced me into rehab and starting up therapy with psychologists and psychiatrists, the problem is right now I'm in a very tough stage in my PTSD treatment and I don't think I can cope. Having suppressed my feelings and memories for half a decade is taking its toll on me.

I had to go on permanent sick leave from work last month because the therapy and the drugs I've been given just made me not function at all. I used to drink and smoke mj to combat my symptoms but the doctors and therapists wouldn't treat me if I was still using so I had to give it up.

Now the benzos I've been prescribed barely works and I've only been using for 4 months.

I know this is a cliche but I'm a firearms enthusiast and have been all my life (as soon as I was strong enough to pick up a rifle) and I'm a little worried I might do something (don't worry I would never ever dream of hurting anyone other than myself which is the issue).

I want to contact the police so they can come and take my guns, but I'm scared I'll never be allowed to go on the hunt or participate in sports any longer, it's really bothering me, I sort of just want to end it because I'm so messed up and the consequences are just piling up like a mother fucker.

 

[TheAutomator]

Kinda doing bad right now, I'm a war veteran with some rather severe PTSD. I've been having severe depressions on/off for the past 6 years since I came home from my tour, this march I was drinking a lot and my family basically forced me into rehab and starting up therapy with psychologists and psychiatrists, the problem is right now I'm in a very tough stage in my PTSD treatment and I don't think I can cope. Having suppressed my feelings and memories for half a decade is taking its toll on me.

I had to go on permanent sick leave from work last month because the therapy and the drugs I've been given just made me not function at all. I used to drink and smoke mj to combat my symptoms but the doctors and therapists wouldn't treat me if I was still using so I had to give it up.

Now the benzos I've been prescribed barely works and I've only been using for 4 months.

I know this is a cliche but I'm a firearms enthusiast and have been all my life (as soon as I was strong enough to pick up a rifle) and I'm a little worried I might do something (don't worry I would never ever dream of hurting anyone other than myself which is the issue).

I want to contact the police so they can come and take my guns, but I'm scared I'll never be allowed to go on the hunt or participate in sports any longer, it's really bothering me, I sort of just want to end it because I'm so messed up and the consequences are just piling up like a mother fucker.

I'm sorry to hear that. I know what it's like to be afraid of doing something stupid. I would say stop taking the drugs if they are not helping but I don't know enough of your situation to judge.

 

[Lead]

I'm sorry to hear that. I know what it's like to be afraid of doing something stupid. I would say stop taking the drugs if they are not helping but I don't know enough of your situation to judge.

The problem is I'm physically and mentally addicted, I feel more anxious than ever if I don't take them and I can't talk with my own psychiatrist right now because he's on vacation until early august.

As a temporary solution I'm giving the keys to my gun safe to my father until I get this sorted or I know what to do. (I'm not legally allowed to do this, since I'm supposed to be the only one with the keys, but I figure this is a good compromise for now)

 

[TabooV]

Needs some help as I'm trying to figure something out.

This past winter, I've finally broke out of a depression I could say begun since I was a kid (I'm approaching my 30s). I am far more confident than I've ever felt so far in my adulthood. The issue is that I feel that all those years of depression have left me crippled in someway. It's a very bizzare feeling, it's like there's a dark hole when it comes to tact related to social interaction with people/society. Makes me feel extremely naive and that I'll get easy abused/ridiculed by people with a better wit/social standing than me. It's like I'm missing an important fact about being social and I can't pinpoint it because I've never exercised this "ability".

Does anyone understand what I'm talking about?

Hmmm I struggle with this too. I started working new job two weeks ago and all the coworkers are pretty nice and greet me since I'm the new guy, but when it comes to socializing with them I feel lost and feel like I'll be judge or ridiculed. I really want to learn just not to give a fuck and just be myself. Easier said than done

 

[TheAutomator]

The problem is I'm physically and mentally addicted, I feel more anxious than ever if I don't take them and I can't talk with my own psychiatrist right now because he's on vacation until early august.

As a temporary solution I'm giving the keys to my gun safe to my father until I get this sorted or I know what to do. (I'm not legally allowed to do this, since I'm supposed to be the only one with the keys, but I figure this is a good compromise for now)

I think that is a good solution. Should hopefully make you less anxious.

 

[User 479360]

I'd definitely say it's side effects then. Just power through it and know that it's not you, it's the medication. Hang in there man.

Thanks

Yesterday was a decent day, as was the day before it -- once I got past the first wave of fatigue. A friend was going to kill herself in a park and texted me. I had her come over.

That's not to say I haven't been tired and lazy. I definitely have been. Today especially. I was up all night, and have been exhausted all day after sleeping until 3.

I've also been drinking up to 2 energy drinks per day, or pop.

 

[umop_3pisdn]

Lead, that sounds like a good idea in the short term.

For treating PTSD have you looked into neurofeedback? Sebern Fisher wrote a book about using neurotherapy on the fear-driven brain. I've used some of the methods described in the book and found it really helpful. Neurofeedback is basically a technologically assisted self-regulation technique, in some ways it's kind of like meditation but with less guesswork, because you're given info when you meet certain targets of brainwave activity, so you're not only relying on your own internal judgement for what is happening. You could see if there are any providers in your area and if that kind of treatment might fall under your insurance.

Here's a link for her book.

 

[Lead]

I think that is a good solution. Should hopefully make you less anxious.

That's the hope. I don't actually have a desire to die, I want to live, but sometimes when my ptsd hits me at the worst I feel like I'd be mercy suiciding because I'm feeling that terrible.

Extended panic attacks really sucks =/

Lead, that sounds like a good idea in the short term.

For treating PTSD have you looked into neurofeedback? Sebern Fisher wrote a book about using neurotherapy on the fear-driven brain. I've used some of the methods described in the book and found it really helpful. Neurofeedback is basically a technologically assisted self-regulation technique, in some ways it's kind of like meditation but with less guesswork, because you're given info when you meet certain targets of brainwave activity, so you're not only relying on your own internal judgement for what is happening. You could see if there are any providers in your area and if that kind of treatment might fall under your insurance.

Here's a link for her book.

Thanks I'll check it out, I'm rather desperate so I'm willing to try just about anything.

 

[neojubei]

Ever feel like you are locked out of life. people around me, facbook, twitter, work, everything seems to be going by and i am stuck in park.
Seems like whatever choice I make is the wrong one. Maybe I shouldn't exist. There no point in doing anything if everything is wrong.

 

[chronic_archaic]

Ever feel like you are locked out of life. people around me, facbook, twitter, work, everything seems to be going by and i am stuck in park.
Seems like whatever choice I make is the wrong one. Maybe I shouldn't exist. There no point in doing anything if everything is wrong.

I feel this a lot.

 

[The_Kid]

I feel sad, well I guess that's an understatement. I feel... devastated. This year has sucked, for everyone I guess.

- Almsot failed my semester
- OCD has gotten to the point parents want to commit me
- Feelings with my boyfriend were fleeting and confusing to the point we broke up
- I found a bed bug while house-sitting and went into a frenzy for 2 months, not sleeping until 5 am almost every night because of checks.
- Ex and I stay friends because we both still care for each other and honestly have no one else to talk to.

And things just feel like they're getting worse as the year goes on. I'm leaving for San Diego in a few hours and I don't even want to go, because I just feel like everything can just go away for a year. I went to a therapist that I waited a month to get into just to have someone to talk to about my feelings and even then, it ended up not working. It wasn't the right fit, and his treatment sided more towards OCD or I read his site wrong or something.

I'm at a point where I don't know where to go. I feel like I'm just drifting through life and there is no point to anything anymore. I don't want to be alive, I don't want to be around people, yet at the same time I want to be cared about. I want to feel like someone wants to even be around me.

I'm sorry for the rambling. I should go pack. My flight leaves in three hours.

 

[Dr_Boris_Goltz]

Ever feel like you are locked out of life. people around me, facbook, twitter, work, everything seems to be going by and i am stuck in park.
Seems like whatever choice I make is the wrong one. Maybe I shouldn't exist. There no point in doing anything if everything is wrong.

I turned 30 a couple weeks back. All of my friends are living life as 30 year olds, and I feel like I'm stuck at 18 in an older body.

 

[neojubei]

I turned 30 a couple weeks back. All of my friends are living life as 30 year olds, and I feel like I'm stuck at 18 in an older body.

You and me both. My friend and i were talking and he said I should just cash out my 401k and move to Japan.

 

[rrvv]

http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-36824927

interesting article

 

[neojubei]

Day getting from bad to worse. Can i even catch a break somewhere

 

[Vincent Alexander]

Someone I know is having her final therapy session soon. The problem? I don't think she's made any real progress, and she's been with this therapist for a long time. She's admitted to me there are things she wont' bring up to her therapist, and yet now she thinks she is better. I don't want to rain on her parade and tell her I think she is ending therapy too soon. But at the same time, if she is uncomfortable talking about certain things to her therapist....maybe she needs a new one that she can be comfortable with. Problem there though is that she claims to really like this one. So who knows...I'm not sure what to do to help. Or if I can't help and I just need to sit here and be quiet.

 

[tearsofash]

Looks like I'll be moving to seattle in a week. They have better healthcare than TN so hopefully that works out. I have a phone appointment tomorrow to see if I can get started with DBT. I really need better therapy. lol.

 

[jb1234]

Looks like I'll be moving to seattle in a week. They have better healthcare than TN so hopefully that works out. I have a phone appointment tomorrow to see if I can get started with DBT. I really need better therapy. lol.

I live in Seattle. Is there anything you need help with?

 

[tearsofash]

I live in Seattle. Is there anything you need help with?

My friends have most of it covered. I've already signed up for insurance and everything. Aug. 2 can't come soon enough.

 

[Steamlord]

I'm tired of being turned down for every job I apply to. I'm 23 and I have no money and I rely on my parents for everything. Then again, the one time I actually did get a job I panicked and quit before I even started, so maybe I don't deserve a job if that's how I react to getting one. Maybe I would do the same with any job, not just that one. I have virtually no work experience and I'm awkward as fuck so I bomb every interview I go to, not that I even get many interviews in the first place. Therapy and meds still don't seem to be helping me at all. Everything is so fucked. I can't keep on like this.

 

[jb1234]

My friends have most of it covered. I've already signed up for insurance and everything. Aug. 2 can't come soon enough.

Nice! I hope you're happy here.

 

[Sadsic]

i turned 26 yesterday. felt incredibly depressed until everyone at my job actually acknowledged i aged and made me feel really good about myself. this is probably the best birthday ive had as an adult

 

[Ledhead]

i turned 26 yesterday. felt incredibly depressed until everyone at my job actually acknowledged i aged and made me feel really good about myself. this is probably the best birthday ive had as an adult

I'm glad you had a good day Sadsic. Happy belated birthday!

 

[SirClinksAlot]

How do you cope with alcoholism when you suffer from anxiety? I take antidepressants, but I much prefer a Xanax when the going gets tough. I'm not sure how to cope with anxiety without the Xanax, so I just drink when I run out of a prescription. I know, I know, bad idea.

As a recovering alcoholic: Im on gabapentin for my anxiety. Also the obvious excercise..and all that shit people always tell depressed people. It seems to be doing ok, except for some weight gain. Also on an anti-depressant and used to be on ativan. Psychiatrist took me off ativan when he found out I was still abusing booze since they have the same effect and its just a bad idea.

Anyway, currently seven weeks since my last drink (bender really). Doing ok during the day...its once the sun goes down when my depression and loneliness start to hit me hard and I just end up going to bed. So thats fun.

 

[Sectorseven]

My therapist suggested this mental health support group. It's a group for any type of mental illness and I'm concerned there won't be anyone I can relate to. I mean, if I have anxiety and the other person is psychotic, I don't know how helpful we can be to each other.

 

[void666]

I had this heated argument with a guy because i swore i had given him 20 bucks while he said i gave him 10.
I was so angry. But then i realized i probably gave him 10.
All that anger is turning into frustration and self loathing. I'm becoming a grumpy bitter old man. And it saddens me. I hope to die before that happens.

I have serious anger menagement issues. Yesterday i punched my pc out of anger because a program wouldn't launch.
When my wife came in i was laughing. Whem i'm angry out of my mind i laugh maniacally. Joker style. It's creepy.

 

[tearsofash]

Looks like the waiting list for DBT is seven months. Jesus.

 

[TheAutomator]

My therapist suggested this mental health support group. It's a group for any type of mental illness and I'm concerned there won't be anyone I can relate to. I mean, if I have anxiety and the other person is psychotic, I don't know how helpful we can be to each other.

We are your support group. I have anxiety too.

 

[Kastrioti]

i turned 26 yesterday. felt incredibly depressed until everyone at my job actually acknowledged i aged and made me feel really good about myself. this is probably the best birthday ive had as an adult

Awesome to hear that Sadsic!

 

[half a moon]

Got out of a mental hospital a few days ago. Things are going well on day 2? of freedom. I need a job badly tho.

 

[Az987]

Does anyone with OCD get intrusive thoughts?

Occasionally I think fucked up things about people and than the more I try to fight it the more intrusive it gets. Then once it goes away I carry around this guilt where I think that maybe that's who I am.

I never even knew it was a thing until I stumbled upon it by accident but I still feel like a piece of shit when the pops up.

 

[User 479360]

I got demoted from my side gig, because of my depression causing a lack of enthusiasm and work. I haven't had much energy, so I get it, but I was trying to keep up.

I worry about the money I'll lose, mostly. It also hit kind of personally, though, because I put several years into it.

Does anyone with OCD get intrusive thoughts?

Occasionally I think fucked up things about people and than the more I try to fight it the more intrusive it gets. Then once it goes away I carry around this guilt where I think that maybe that's who I am.

I never even knew it was a thing until I stumbled upon it by accident but I still feel like a piece of shit when the pops up.

Yeah, but more-so in the past.

I'd get the odd weird sexual thought about someone I was close to (family) that I would never act on or think about normally. I'd also often see my Mom dead in a casket, or her tombstone, or see my cats laying dead on the road after having been hit by a car.

It developed into a ritual, where I would open and close tabs and sometimes even flick lights or change channels until I didn't think about it happening.

 

[Az987]

I got demoted from my side gig, because of my depression causing a lack of enthusiasm and work. I haven't had much energy, so I get it, but I was trying to keep up.

I worry about the money I'll lose, mostly. It also hit kind of personally, though, because I put several years into it.



Yeah, but more-so in the past.

I'd get the odd weird sexual thought about someone I was close to (family) that I would never act on or think about normally. I'd also often see my Mom dead in a casket, or her tombstone, or see my cats laying dead on the road after having been hit by a car.

It developed into a ritual, where I would open and close tabs and sometimes even flick lights or change channels until I didn't think about it happening.

Was there anything that helped you get past it besides medication?

 

[NIGHT-]

I'm on day 3 of NC. I've been broken up with her since last July, but we remained close close friends( I just knew we were getting back together) until May when she told me she met someone and fell in love with him. I've been a complete disaster. I really thought she was the woman I'd marry and spend my life with, I just can't seem to pick myself back up.

I ended up becoming obsessed with her, messaging her to take me back, asking her to try to be friends and then tell I can't handle it(this happened multiple times), and following her Pinterest.

I finally broke myself when she was pinning wedding stuff and couples traveling ideas. We talked on the phone one last time and I promised her I'd stay out of her life. But I still see her car everywhere and keep having dreams/nightmares about her. It's so damn exhausting and frustrating. I really do think this whole ordeal has scarred me for life.


This time I'm sticking to NC completely, no matter how badly I want to check up on her.

 

[User 479360]

Was there anything that helped you get past it besides medication?

I still get them from time to time. Medication hasn't worked very well for me.

Losing my Mom made some of the worries useless.

 

[Kinsei]

I hate that I've been on a waiting list to see a doctor for over a year and I haven't gotten so much as a phone call. Not that it matters, I'd never be able to afford all of the bills.

I hate that I can't even walk down the street without some asshole yelling out of their car.

I hate what I see in the mirror every day.

I hate not being able to wear the clothes that I want because of some asshole at my last job.

I hate being unable to get a new job.

I hate everything about myself. I want to end it all but I'm too much of a fucking coward to actually do it. I wish I had gone to sleep that morning five years ago instead of going to the hospital. Things would have been so much easier.

Sorry, I just needed to vent.

 

[Vire]

Well wishes to everyone in here and truly hope things get better for y'all.

 

[The God]

What am I supposed to do when I'm not interested in living anymore, but too afraid to end it for myself?

 

[Collete]

Had the happiest moment of my life happen. I was finally not alone anymore.

Then in less than 24 hours, I'm back to being single.

God, I hate myself so much right now. I was happy...so happy....

 

[User 479360]

What am I supposed to do when I'm not interested in living anymore, but too afraid to end it for myself?

I'm wondering the same thing. I'm in the same boat.

My depression has been awful these last couple of days, and I feel like shit mentally. I don't know what I want, what to do with myself, or what to do from minute to minute. I just spend most of my time sleeping, watching TV or colouring, drinking energy drinks or the odd beer.

I just wish it would end and that I could see my Mom again. There's nothing for me here.

 

[Rainy]

Everyone else around me is in a relationship, man I feel ridiculously lonely and depressed right now.

 

[Gurthang]

Wish I could just fucking die in my sleep already
Not suicidal btw

Just want to be free of this suffering

Fuck

But its all self inflicted. I ignored everything for too long. I applied to the internship program of my school. For eight months I didn't even bother looking at the job listing. I just assumed that I wouldn't get in since my marks are shit and my resume is barren. I missed mandatory workshops which means I can't use the school internship program. Now I started panicking because even I tho I technically can go to fourth year of my program, I didn't find a group for the Capstone Project and missed the deadline. Plus graduating school without internship equals doom so might as well not graduate. I don't fucking know whats wrong with me. I'm too scared of even looking at the job listing. I just keep ignoring it.

I just want a mechanical engineering internship for 8 to 12 months. Literally I would do anything. But my resume is too screwed up. I can't even bothered to fix it. Everytime I try, I just get overwhelmed with extreme anxiety. I don't even want to talk with a counselor. They would just be shocked how I didn't apply for an internship and didn't go for the mandatory workshop and just gave up without trying.


I wonder where the fuck did all go so wrong. I was such a bright kid in highschool. Now I'm just a fucking failure. I can't even believe myself. Not having friends in university really screwed with my brain. I just didn't bother going to class. Eventually even skipped tests.

Everyone else around me is in a relationship, man I feel ridiculously lonely and depressed right now.

I've given up on relationships and friends.

Literally I can't see any reason for anyone to be friends with me let alone a relationship.

It feels weird but I don't think I have ever experienced friendship.

My "dream" is to just a shitty office job and be able to pay for rent and pizza delivery. But I won't be able to achieve this dream of mine any time soon now.

 

[Anth0ny]

i ran out of my medication on friday

thought I still had a refill, but it turns out I didn't. need to visit the doctor tomorrow and get more.

LITERALLY FEEL LIKE DEATH WITHOUT MY MEDS

all i've been doing is sleeping and feeling like total shit for the entire day

kinda shameful that i'm reduced to this state without meds, but eh

i don't wish this feeling upon anyone

 

[NIGHT-]

What am I supposed to do when I'm not interested in living anymore, but too afraid to end it for myself?

I'm sorta at that point lately. It's just exhausting to wake up and get out there. Everyone else seems happy with lots of friends and a SO, and I feel incredibly alone