The thing is things don't get better. I've been told that for most of my life and it never does. At least in death I won't have to feel anything or love or hate anything. I won't have to be rejected again and again. In death I won't either be happy nor sad. Death has to be my cure. Living a longer life isn't going to make anything better for me.
-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Mental Health |OT2| - Light in the Darkness
- Thread starter Bagels
- Start date
- Status
The thing is things don't get better. I've been told that for most of my life and it never does. At least in death I won't have to feel anything or love or hate anything. I won't have to be rejected again and again. In death I won't either be happy nor sad. Death has to be my cure. Living a longer life isn't going to make anything better for me.
Please think about giving this number a call before you do anything: US National Suicide Hotlines: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
I know it feels like things won't get better, and maybe they won't seem like they are right away, but you should definitely give yourself a chance and see. Suicide is a "no take-backs" action.
Thanks for your concern but I think I am at the point when I do want to die. Look at my life I used to live for the next game coming out or movie and now I'm old fat ugly and alone. Just today buying mundane crap like shampoo to use for a job I hate going to to come back to a place I hate living in. Death alleviates that. No more bad choices. No more loneliness no more feeling like the ugliest thing around. Thank goodness there are no take backs with death. Why would I want to take back this horrid life of mine.
There's nothing wrong with living for the little things. Being able to appreciate life even in the smallest bit is the glimmer of hope that things can be different. Our future isn't always locked in stone and we all have the power for better lives, but those usually come from sacrifices or compromising. My opinion on these matters could easily change over the course of next few weeks as I've had no actual income and am hoping on a incredibly stupid hail mary to save me, but as of today and this very moment, I am confident that your life can be the one you want. All you have to do is find help. Fighting the voice in the back of your head pays off so much even on that one day where everything seems okay. Please get some help.
Are there any small mood enhancers or some over the counter drugs to help ease a sense of impending doom?
Backstory: My house has been flooded many times over the years and the city has never helped us, granted I never properly filed a claim but I've been told by many people that the claim will get denied anyway so I never did it, so that's my fault granted to a degree for not trying. The city has never helped us and the work they've done on the street has actually damaged my flood barrier and driveway and when I brought it up I got a shrug over the phone in terms of them fixing it. No lawyers around want to help because "if the city fixes something even if it was done poorly or incorrectly their in the clear". Please please PLEASE don't say flood insurance, you have to be in a natural disaster zone to get that, plus the city actually has to acknowledge your existence for the flood insurance company to even return your call. We're poor so we've no money to build any sort of defenses and all we can afford is the almost annual clean up after we do get flooded.
It's a really shitty helpless feeling because we got flooded in the winter last year and again in the summer when it was always just the summer, so knowing I'm not gonna be out $2k this year like always but now it's gonna be $5k fucking blows and I need something to take my mind off of it because I keep getting violent thoughts(towards others I deem responsible not on myself). Insurance says to lawyer up, everyones a pussy in my area. Insurance says to use political ties, which I ended up getting but the douchebag doesn't return my calls or text messages and I'm not about to go down to his house(lives on my street) cause I'm gonna fucking scream at him just for him to scream back that he can't do anything.
It's one thing to be alone or no friends or whatever, but when people are CONSTANTLY fucking with you is what I find to be worse. Like 2016 was probably the worst year of my life, every single time things even remotely looked like they were getting better, some dumb shit happened. Instead of snowing it rained really hard and we got flooded in February when its super fucking cold. Water heater broke, washing machine broke. I quit my job and found a better one, I started a morning routine of getting into shape, then I got flooded again. I literally get antsy when it rains hard now and it fucking pisses me off because I used to like the rain.
The only string of hope I had was my girlfriend before she broke up with me but that's mostly my fault and that's a 30 paragraph thread for another day, honestly the worst thing to come out of the breakup was all the shitty stupid fucking relationship memes I see posted everywhere on GAF and facebook now apply to me, fuck.
Backstory: My house has been flooded many times over the years and the city has never helped us, granted I never properly filed a claim but I've been told by many people that the claim will get denied anyway so I never did it, so that's my fault granted to a degree for not trying. The city has never helped us and the work they've done on the street has actually damaged my flood barrier and driveway and when I brought it up I got a shrug over the phone in terms of them fixing it. No lawyers around want to help because "if the city fixes something even if it was done poorly or incorrectly their in the clear". Please please PLEASE don't say flood insurance, you have to be in a natural disaster zone to get that, plus the city actually has to acknowledge your existence for the flood insurance company to even return your call. We're poor so we've no money to build any sort of defenses and all we can afford is the almost annual clean up after we do get flooded.
It's a really shitty helpless feeling because we got flooded in the winter last year and again in the summer when it was always just the summer, so knowing I'm not gonna be out $2k this year like always but now it's gonna be $5k fucking blows and I need something to take my mind off of it because I keep getting violent thoughts(towards others I deem responsible not on myself). Insurance says to lawyer up, everyones a pussy in my area. Insurance says to use political ties, which I ended up getting but the douchebag doesn't return my calls or text messages and I'm not about to go down to his house(lives on my street) cause I'm gonna fucking scream at him just for him to scream back that he can't do anything.
It's one thing to be alone or no friends or whatever, but when people are CONSTANTLY fucking with you is what I find to be worse. Like 2016 was probably the worst year of my life, every single time things even remotely looked like they were getting better, some dumb shit happened. Instead of snowing it rained really hard and we got flooded in February when its super fucking cold. Water heater broke, washing machine broke. I quit my job and found a better one, I started a morning routine of getting into shape, then I got flooded again. I literally get antsy when it rains hard now and it fucking pisses me off because I used to like the rain.
The only string of hope I had was my girlfriend before she broke up with me but that's mostly my fault and that's a 30 paragraph thread for another day, honestly the worst thing to come out of the breakup was all the shitty stupid fucking relationship memes I see posted everywhere on GAF and facebook now apply to me, fuck.
HashtagLapsed
Member
This is extremely well said, I completely agree.
Sometimes it can be almost impossible to see the value in the little things, but they are always there. And we really never know what is around the corner each day. Maybe something bad will happen (hopefully not, of course), but maybe something wonderful and reinvigorating can happen too. It is hard to open ourselves up to the possibility of something positive though, because if something bad happens, it can hurt even worse.
Not to digress too much, but a Tibetan author named Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche wrote quite a lot about this in Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior. He described real bravery as opening our hearts to the world and letting the world tickle our heart, and he didn't hold back so much on how hard and painful a process that can be. While not necessarily traditional Buddhism, that book had a profound impact on my life and played a large part in turning my life around. Any of you should take a quick look online about the book, and if you think it would help, wishlist it on Amazon and shoot me a PM. I feel so strongly about it.
neojubei, please try to find the strength to reach out for help. The people who work at these places do it because they care so much and want to help, because things can absolutely get better.
pigeon interrupted
Member
Please seek help neojubei, I recognise your avi and remember some of your posts and threads. People here would miss you. When you're in a bad place it's impossibe to critique yourself: all you'll see is the wrong, the faults, blemishes, percieved failiures and shortcomings. There's more to you. You need to see that again. Reach out to someone, babe.
There are people here you can chat/pm, myself included and there are the Samaritans on: 1(800) 273 TALK and many other avenues to explore.
Puck Beaverton
Banned
I just realized I'm only signing up for college to make friends and hopefully find a girlfriend. The education and degree are complete non-factors for me.
I am so screwed.
I am so screwed.
Hale-XF11
Member
To be honest, I found that meeting people, especially girls was the highlight of college for me. Yeah, I have a degree, but it honestly doesn't really mean that much to me, especially in hindsight. Enjoy yourself while you can.
People do this.... All the time, it's a very common thing. I wouldn't sweat it too much. It's good to meet new people and have new experiences, and college is an environment that helps with this a lot.
The only real downside is the financial side of things, just be careful what you're taking. If after a semester you think w/e your major is isn't for you, don't keep paying for it.
CoolRunnings
Neo Member
I agree, 24 year old who graduated 3 years ago with a crap Film degree with low GPA.
I entered college a broken person and left with great memories, but still broken.
Few things I recommend, do join a few clubs and socialize, but don't overdo it. School should still be a priority and you will feel so much better inside knowing you put in effort and are getting decent grades. Plus when you try in school, it makes socializing that much more fun because then you feel like you deserve it.
Also, try to workout regularly on a weekly basis (daily if you can, but you might not have the time). I used to be very fat in college but lost a lot of weight (about 100 pounds to be exact). Exercise raises your confidence in life, but better yet, it also releases endorphins in your brain that keep you mentally balanced and happy. I used to have crippling depression and had 2 serious cases where I almost ended my life, but now I gym regularly and feel much better. I still have depression, but it's not crippling where I never want to leave the house.
I wish you the best man, and hope you enjoy college. I certaintly did.
Eh it's part of my reasoning too. 2.5 years out of high school and I'm completely fucking clueless on how to make new friends or even meet people.
I started taking classes to get a certificate in something or other shortly after my brother (whom I live with) tried to crush my windpipe on a whim, leaving me with a permanent bruise on my neck. At the very least, I can tell myself I'm still trying.
To escape.
College can, and probably should be, about many different things. I went all in on my studies, and I still feel the benefits 13 years later. However, I did not socialize much outside of study groups, and I can see how that ultimately contributed to my depression. I had a great group of friends, but we were all hyper focused on school. Making just a little more time for my hobbies and my friends would have been good for me. Ideally, you'll find something to study you really like, and you'll make friends through your shared interests. Or you'll go the other way and find some friends and kind of pick up their academic interests secondhand and find fulfillment that way. That's hardly the craziest thing in the world. I mean, plenty of people go to college solely to drink as much cheap domestic beer as they can, so going to meet people is far from the dumbest reason on earth.
If you are going to go to school 100% to meet people, there are a few things to keep in mind.
I went to a large state school and lived on campus all four years. I'd recommend doing something similar. Community colleges and smaller satellite campuses of larger universities are often commuter schools. People drive in to campus for class, and then drive back home, or to work. Indeed, many students at smaller local programs are working their way through school, or are returning students. If that describes you, maybe that's what you want. However, if you're just out of high school (or only a few years out), you'll probably want to find a cohort of traditional "college kids" to hang out with on campus. I had many opportunities to meet people in my dorm, or I'd bump into classmates on campus. We were all there all the time so we couldn't really help becoming friends. My dorm was very centrally located too, and people knew they could find me there. There's a huge difference between knocking on a door on your way to dinner and calling someone up to drive in after classes are over for the day. My girlfriend at the time live in the dorms as a freshman and then had to move back in with her parents. That initial year on campus really helped her make friends and find her group. And she ended up doing more social and group things because she could crash in my room between classes. Had she gone back home, she would have missed the chances to make friends and bond with other people in her program.
A large school is nice because you'll have more people to meet. A huge state school will have the population to support all sorts of clubs and groups, including ones focused on really niche interests. On the other hand, it can be easy to feel a little anonymous when you have 30,000 classmates. If you have some options, visit some schools and see what the vibe is. You might find a small school that is 1000 students who are all your kind of people. Or you might like your odds better at a massive school. At my large school I was in a very small major (lots of people had to take chemistry courses, but there were only a handful of majors. ~20 of us were in the honors program and we saw each other all damn day), which helped me find people who were at least up for getting together to study. Biology, on the other hand, was an enormous program, and they didn't seem to have the same kind of core group of people. If you don't really care what you study, take some intro courses freshman year and see if there is a program with people you dig. You can end up with a degree and a plan as a side effect of hanging out with cool people. A less popular major can be helpful in developing your own identity, and finding a group to fit in with.
This may all be moot, as college is super expensive, and living on campus is even more expensive. Maybe you already know where you can go and it is one school that sounds nothing like what I talked about. That's fine, too. One universal piece of advice is to spend your time where people are. Study on campus, wherever students are. People can't bump into you if you are in your room at home or in your dorm. I needed that quiet a lot of the time, but between classes and on free afternoons, I'd go study at one of the busier study spots. I ran into a lot of people that way. If someone sees you in class and bumps into you a few times con campus, that may be what gets them to go, "hey, aren't you in my English class...?" or vice versa. It's way easier to approach someone you feel like you know, if only a tiny bit. Complete strangers are scary.
The final thing to say is that most people feel nervous about making new friends and meeting new people. As outgoing as I have become, I was extremely shy when I started college. Having summoned up the courage a few times to say hi to someone I saw in class every day, I quickly learned that people were just as shy as I was. We were all kind of hoping someone else would make the first move. It's really empowering to know that you aren't the only person who is super nervous on the first day of class, or who is desperately hoping to meet some friends.
I feel like my advice in the thread is increasingly wishy-washy and out of touch. I've passed through the worst of the depression that lead me to this community. It's still a constant, daily struggle, but my life is pretty nice these days. I guess if you have not known me for a while, you won't recognize that I went through the things people come in here to post about. Some of those things I still deal with. I try very hard to think about the things I did that helped me get better and help me stay okay now. I just worry they sound like the usual "be yourself!" "get out there and meet people!" kind of stuff that is completely unhelpful and impossible when you are depressed. At the same time, I know it's not my amazing innate qualities that are responsibly for me having friends and romance and a nice job and all that stuff. I don't really have any illusions about how handsome and smart and fascinating I am. Okay, so I have some illusions, but I ultimately know that I'm sort of okay at a few things, but I don't really have the looks or the mind or the anything, really, to just guarantee people will flock to me. It's more like I nudged myself to be more confident and outgoing over time and eventually that is who I became.
I'm sure this makes no sense.
Another thing to keep in mind is that college friendships are frequently held together simply by the fact that you're all forced together, day after day. When everyone graduates, people often go their separate ways. It can really hurt.
I had a lot of friends in college but now, without exception, we're all Facebook "friends."
I had a lot of friends in college but now, without exception, we're all Facebook "friends."
Things I've learned in the past year that helped my mental health:
- Stay the fuck off of social media. Seriously. Comparing yourself to others will only make your mood worse.
- Reduce your media consumption in general. Ads are just as toxic as social media.
- Volunteer. It feels good to know you're doing good.
- Exercise. It's easy to lose motivation, but nothing will improve your mood better.
- Take risks. It's easier said than done, but you have to start asking yourself "what do I have to lose?" Contact that person you haven't seen in forever, offer to help a stranger if they seem like they need it, apply for that job you don't fully qualify for, etc.
- Train your brain to recognize when negative thoughts enter your brain. Like going into third-person for a moment. Once you recognize that it is happening then you can begin to fight that reflex.
- Give yourself credit where it's due. It takes serious strength to deal with mental illness. The strongest people on this forum are here in this thread. That's not just a compliment or me being nice, that's fact.
- Stay the fuck off of social media. Seriously. Comparing yourself to others will only make your mood worse.
- Reduce your media consumption in general. Ads are just as toxic as social media.
- Volunteer. It feels good to know you're doing good.
- Exercise. It's easy to lose motivation, but nothing will improve your mood better.
- Take risks. It's easier said than done, but you have to start asking yourself "what do I have to lose?" Contact that person you haven't seen in forever, offer to help a stranger if they seem like they need it, apply for that job you don't fully qualify for, etc.
- Train your brain to recognize when negative thoughts enter your brain. Like going into third-person for a moment. Once you recognize that it is happening then you can begin to fight that reflex.
- Give yourself credit where it's due. It takes serious strength to deal with mental illness. The strongest people on this forum are here in this thread. That's not just a compliment or me being nice, that's fact.
That's good advice but for me it's way too late. I'm fat old ugly and very much the opposite of what anyone would consider attractive. This advice won't change the fact I will always be rejected or that I've wasted my life away on a life that's isn't worth anything. All my chances of a life are all exhausted.
brianjones
Member
does anyone else feel the most depressed at nighttime?
during the day i feel good.. i exercise and the sun is out and i feel confident about doing things in my life
but once the sun goes down the crippling depression settles in
during the day i feel good.. i exercise and the sun is out and i feel confident about doing things in my life
but once the sun goes down the crippling depression settles in
You aren't giving yourself the chance to change and make things better. It's hard not to think the way you have when that's been your default mindset for some time but it can be changed. I use to be like you always down on myself just have to lighten up. Your focus on other people isn't healthy at all just because you see some couples seem happy doesn't mean they are happy 100 percent of the time. Work on your mindset and then you'll most likely have success with finding a person to be a friend with then maybe more.
It's also worth noting that the inability to work on things that make you unhappy is a symptom of whatever mental health issues you have, not a cause (or just a cause). You CAN make a better, happier life, even if you haven't been able to in the past. But it is very difficult to do without first tackling depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues.
And it doesn't have to be a steady path to improvement - setbacks are okay, failing sometimes is okay. The important thing is to keep trying and to keep working on the overarching issues that are constantly battling to drag you back down to a dark place.
After 6 weeks in hospital with a feeding tube I have been out of hospital a few months and only gained a portion of my weight back, the doctors treated me terrribly and acted condescending to me, telling me I had Anorexia Nervosa when I had a stomach disorder, luckily I finally found a doctor that listened and actually diagnosed me properly and figured out it wasn't all in my head, the problem is my stomach disorder isn't really treatable, so here I am still underweight, I just want to be dead, in combination with my stomach disorder I have a severe fear of vomiting which makes me restrict what I eat and I also have severe OCD so every little tiny thing I do has to be done at specific times and I can no longer take it, I am so close to killing myself, I am unhappy with where I am, I am a few months off being in my mid-20s and have never been able to get a job because of these problems. I never finished high school and have no qualifications, I hate the country I live in and want to go to Canada but I can not afford to live there without some type of job which I am incapable of doing. I just wish I wasn't so scared of suicide, otherwise I wouldn't be here dealing with this shit every single fucking day for the last 4 years.
there is probably not an answer to this but...
how can I know what is wrong with me?
I just go by the motions to everything, I am always tired and I really don't know if I want to do anything. I have no reason to be unhappy or miserable, yet I think about possible plans I used to care about and I am like "I am emotionally tired, please just leave alone, everything and everyone "
I already know how it feels to "feel" like a winner or like I am "riding a wave of awesome" but I just can't go back to that. why or when I stopped believing and being strong, I am not sure.
I am lonely as fuck, 39 years old, I've got noone that really cares about me, out of parents and probably some friends and my siblings,I am "all set" in my job but at the same time there's no room for any kind of improvement on that or any other aspect of my life, I am just passing by. Life is just "there", it's a fucking boring static pic that got old some years ago. I have some money to pass by, to survive decently, I don't care about any of that.
I can bring myself to do things, though. I go to the gym as much as I can, I just don' feel any motivation or passion for anything, like I said, through the motions.
I considered quitting social media and also getting rid of my WiFi, to save money and stop consuming my life in front of my PC, just like right now. I wonder if that would help.
how can I know what is wrong with me?
I just go by the motions to everything, I am always tired and I really don't know if I want to do anything. I have no reason to be unhappy or miserable, yet I think about possible plans I used to care about and I am like "I am emotionally tired, please just leave alone, everything and everyone "
I already know how it feels to "feel" like a winner or like I am "riding a wave of awesome" but I just can't go back to that. why or when I stopped believing and being strong, I am not sure.
I am lonely as fuck, 39 years old, I've got noone that really cares about me, out of parents and probably some friends and my siblings,I am "all set" in my job but at the same time there's no room for any kind of improvement on that or any other aspect of my life, I am just passing by. Life is just "there", it's a fucking boring static pic that got old some years ago. I have some money to pass by, to survive decently, I don't care about any of that.
I can bring myself to do things, though. I go to the gym as much as I can, I just don' feel any motivation or passion for anything, like I said, through the motions.
I considered quitting social media and also getting rid of my WiFi, to save money and stop consuming my life in front of my PC, just like right now. I wonder if that would help.
Yo what up guys I'm back after posting in the first thread.
I'll reiterate what I stated in another thread but today I have an appointment with a new psychologist after my three sessions with my first psychologist went poorly. During the end of my third session the psychologist said she thought it was my lack of faith (belief in God/Jesus) that was bringing me so many problems in my life. Obviously I was infuriated by such a statement, and it rubbed me off from seeking any mental health help for months. Now I'm getting back on the wagon because I don't want to let one dipshit psychologist ruin it for me.
I may or may not have bi-polar disorder (my brother is diagnosed). I also suffer from extreme anxiety, and may or may not have ADHD as well. I have been self-medicating with drugs (some hard) so I plan to and want to fight whatever it is I'm battling.
Just wanted to say no matter how dismayed we may be I hope we all keep the bigger picture in sight and that we pursue treatment even if some of our mental health "experts" can be a bit thickheaded at times with us. Good luck to everyone engaged in their own problems and to anyone questioning whether they should seek help please give it a try!
I'll reiterate what I stated in another thread but today I have an appointment with a new psychologist after my three sessions with my first psychologist went poorly. During the end of my third session the psychologist said she thought it was my lack of faith (belief in God/Jesus) that was bringing me so many problems in my life. Obviously I was infuriated by such a statement, and it rubbed me off from seeking any mental health help for months. Now I'm getting back on the wagon because I don't want to let one dipshit psychologist ruin it for me.
I may or may not have bi-polar disorder (my brother is diagnosed). I also suffer from extreme anxiety, and may or may not have ADHD as well. I have been self-medicating with drugs (some hard) so I plan to and want to fight whatever it is I'm battling.
Just wanted to say no matter how dismayed we may be I hope we all keep the bigger picture in sight and that we pursue treatment even if some of our mental health "experts" can be a bit thickheaded at times with us. Good luck to everyone engaged in their own problems and to anyone questioning whether they should seek help please give it a try!
Can only speak for myself but my thoughts of dread/existential crisis/suicide always come when I'm laying in bed in the dark. No matter how swell my day was or how much I laughed, or had a positive time, those thoughts always come to me right before bed.
Sectorseven
Member
Maybe you could join one of those big brother or mentor programs.
what's a mentor program?
Sectorseven
Member
There's probably one run by your local school system. You go to a school and meet with an underprivileged child for an hour or so. You can play games with them, talk about their problems, give them guidance and inspiration.
it's quite interesting that you suggest that
changing a thing or two, thats exactly my job, I give piano lessons for children, so I spend hours with them teaching and trying to guide them and being an inspiration. just wondering, do you guys talk to you in "third person" like, you to yourself?
there is a part of me who thinks clearly and has good reasoning.
This part of me tells me that there is no reason to feel bad, that I'll be ok no matter what objectively bad things could happen, but there's a part of me, the other part of me who refuses to understand.
Sometimes I have to yell at me (in my head)... "god.. theeeeere you go again, like the world is crumbling because X thing happened, grow the fuck up, other people have real problems ".
Sometimes not often, I get some sort of panic attacks, not in the way of screaming and shaking but like feeling physically bad, like I am going to pass out, it gets so maddening that other me then yells (internally) " WELL JUST DIE ALREADY! panic attacks?? seriously?? dude if you are having such a bad time here and can't cope, your body would do you a favor shutting down, just die"..... I won't lie... that clams me down :/
Does anyone else feel like the internet fuels negative thoughts and depression/anxiety? I remember when I stopped browsing the internet for a few months a while ago and I never remember feeling more relaxed or content than in that period. I wanna do that again but it's so hard nowadays. Literally 50% of my day is spent on the internet one way or another. I just want my days to feel long again, when I didn't have an internet connection for a weekend once it felt like my days were 10x longer.
Megalosaro
Banned
Probably has to do with the fact the Internet is an echo chamber. Negativity gets amplified
My dad sent me an email begging me to find a wife today. Apparently my parents want "a better daughter than my sister".
I told him they have to realize it's just not going to happen. No response.
This is some form of an attempt to explain "mechanics" behind looking for advice/solutions to mental illness or the dysfunction in our lives.
I think everyone picks up some degree of dysfunction in life (human beings have a known history of dysfunction, just check the stories in the history books) and I prefer to see it as some sort of continuum rather than with distinctions/labels/illnesses. What pattern of results that degree of dysfunction tends to bring is what is clumped together and known as some defined label of mental illness.
Anyway, what I mean by something being "picked up" is that through events in life, especially during early life, when you were highly impressionable, that deep sense of who you are was being shaped. Your innermost beliefs about your self/other people/the world, your personality, your life story, etc. The impressions made have been so ingrained (and the only ones you could have possibly picked up given your life situation) and had so much of an effect on you that to challenge them could feel like someone to telling you to believe in a lie or someone threatening your very existence.
The problem is when dysfunction is picked up and gets ingrained. And it IS taught or picked up from others even with the best of intentions behind them (e.g. believing in an unattainable/non-maintainable definition of life purpose/success/happiness). Dysfunction (whatever form that may take) gets rooted into our being and the dysfunctional outcomes that come from those beliefs play out accordingly in our lives.
What you seek is not necessarily explicit instructions on what you need to do (unless you are), but whatever message that it takes or action that is needed to crack through your shell of dysfunctional beliefs and a light shines through into what was once absolute darkness inside the shell. This light reveals that there are other possibilities of life and what feels like for the first time, a potential to shift your set of beliefs.
Why is it that despite seemingly good advice received is often understood "intellectually" but still not powerful enough to change our lives is because intellectual understanding is not enough: what we are looking for is something that will change us "experientially". Something that reaches our innermost core that can change (i.e. uproot) the ingrained dysfunctional beliefs. Some messages, we are receptive to, are so powerful that to merely hear them will start to crack or completely, destroy the shell. For some people, some new action or practice that we adopt is necessary to "experientially" understand that our dysfunctional beliefs are not true (e.g. facing social anxiety/fear by reaching out to people and finding the commonality we share with others and the courage and goodness within ourselves). Once we hear that "just right" message, the potential of uprooting dysfunctional beliefs then feels possible.
I hope this has helped someone.
Yes, I think the Internet can provide too many messages, in general, tends to "paint the mood" as a "spammy" one. Having a peaceful environment will "paint" a peaceful mood.
I think everyone picks up some degree of dysfunction in life (human beings have a known history of dysfunction, just check the stories in the history books) and I prefer to see it as some sort of continuum rather than with distinctions/labels/illnesses. What pattern of results that degree of dysfunction tends to bring is what is clumped together and known as some defined label of mental illness.
Anyway, what I mean by something being "picked up" is that through events in life, especially during early life, when you were highly impressionable, that deep sense of who you are was being shaped. Your innermost beliefs about your self/other people/the world, your personality, your life story, etc. The impressions made have been so ingrained (and the only ones you could have possibly picked up given your life situation) and had so much of an effect on you that to challenge them could feel like someone to telling you to believe in a lie or someone threatening your very existence.
The problem is when dysfunction is picked up and gets ingrained. And it IS taught or picked up from others even with the best of intentions behind them (e.g. believing in an unattainable/non-maintainable definition of life purpose/success/happiness). Dysfunction (whatever form that may take) gets rooted into our being and the dysfunctional outcomes that come from those beliefs play out accordingly in our lives.
What you seek is not necessarily explicit instructions on what you need to do (unless you are), but whatever message that it takes or action that is needed to crack through your shell of dysfunctional beliefs and a light shines through into what was once absolute darkness inside the shell. This light reveals that there are other possibilities of life and what feels like for the first time, a potential to shift your set of beliefs.
Why is it that despite seemingly good advice received is often understood "intellectually" but still not powerful enough to change our lives is because intellectual understanding is not enough: what we are looking for is something that will change us "experientially". Something that reaches our innermost core that can change (i.e. uproot) the ingrained dysfunctional beliefs. Some messages, we are receptive to, are so powerful that to merely hear them will start to crack or completely, destroy the shell. For some people, some new action or practice that we adopt is necessary to "experientially" understand that our dysfunctional beliefs are not true (e.g. facing social anxiety/fear by reaching out to people and finding the commonality we share with others and the courage and goodness within ourselves). Once we hear that "just right" message, the potential of uprooting dysfunctional beliefs then feels possible.
I hope this has helped someone.
Yes, I think the Internet can provide too many messages, in general, tends to "paint the mood" as a "spammy" one. Having a peaceful environment will "paint" a peaceful mood.
Very much so. Hell, you don't have to look far. OT here has gotten very toxic, with people screaming about how the world is going to end. That may be true but that doesn't mean I want to be exposed to it day after day. Definitely starting to limit my internet presence just for the sake of my mental health.
Puck Beaverton
Banned
Welp I'm feeling down again D:
Also thank you everyone for the advice/words of encouragement. I know it's common for people to enter college just for the social reasons, but I mostly feel bad because:
1. It isn't my money paying for these classes, and I feel like I'm being ungrateful and treating the money they're spending as nothing
2. If I don't succeed in my goals then I'll consider college a failure, and there is a good chance I either fall on my face or get those things and still feel like shit.
I also agree that the Internet amplifies my depression, I really need to distance myself from everything in order to not get myself down. Kinda sucks. For example, going to the Real Pic thread gets me depressed. It's fucking backwards.
Also thank you everyone for the advice/words of encouragement. I know it's common for people to enter college just for the social reasons, but I mostly feel bad because:
1. It isn't my money paying for these classes, and I feel like I'm being ungrateful and treating the money they're spending as nothing
2. If I don't succeed in my goals then I'll consider college a failure, and there is a good chance I either fall on my face or get those things and still feel like shit.
I also agree that the Internet amplifies my depression, I really need to distance myself from everything in order to not get myself down. Kinda sucks. For example, going to the Real Pic thread gets me depressed. It's fucking backwards.
SunhiLegend
Member
I wish I could sleep forever, just stay in the dream world. Everyday I go to sleep I'm dreaming, hanging out with people I used to know, friends and family members I don't see anymore. I'm sleeping more and more everyday over the past year, I just slept straight through 2 of the last 5 days, I just can't deal with real life. I've made a post here each year for the last 4 or 5 years telling myself I need get out of this rut and although there has been highs where I felt like I was advancing I'm right back at the start where I was 5 years ago, there's literally no difference in my situation then and now. It's my birthday Friday and as usual I'm spending it alone, drinking whiskey and sleeping most the day, it's just depressing thinking another year has past and nothing has changed. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself, I'm just tired of everything right now.
pigeon interrupted
Member
Bigly. Seriously, I listen to the tv news first thing in the morning, then lbc current events chat radio, then GAF frontpage, social media: All the while I am making mental notes on tragedies, screaming inside at the news of another torture/rape, audibly "RIP"ing every death, listening to raised, argumentative, and outraged voices. Inadvertently eyeing clickbait broadcasting horn or rage, or ragehorn inducing images. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp meeeeeeeeeeee!
Why can't I stop?
1--I don't have a gf/bf/dog/anything joyous to pull me away.
2--I am an unwilling victim of Daily Mail Syndrome, or as J'oB would put it, "Would you rather buy tickets to the 'speak you weight' machine, or the ghost train?"
It really works-pulling away from all the negativity, watch some spongebob, listen to some Debussy. But. I. Can't. Stay. Away. Not even trying to be funny--I am addicted to info and happenstance is 90% of it is negative, and sometimes I actively scan for the "Trump shoots homeless person" type headlines. I would be lying if I said this isn't part of why I am asking my doc to put me back on citalopram.
EDIT:
I'm sorry for the smartass rant. People in here with real problems and I jump up on my soapbox on some triviality. I have untreated PTSD from som stuff that happened to me: i can't watch horror or violent tv, i'm having trouble with dr who ffs. I can't play computer games with scares. I can't listen to my old playlists of emotional songs without prperly breaking down or songs from last year. I associate so much with bad stuff that happened. All i have is current events, so i'm an extreme case.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUNHILEGEND!
Hang in there, mate.
Dr_Boris_Goltz
Banned
I'm having issues lately. My psych is making medication changes and I'm feeling far more depressed. I applied for a job and I stupidly blurted out during the interview that I have mental health problems I'm working on. I need something to explain the gaps in my employment and I figured the truth was the best course of action.
Since that interview I've been feeling flat out awful. Depression at a high point, headaches everyday, weight gain, and the like...
I just want to sleep all day, and I'm certainly exhausted enough to do so.
Since that interview I've been feeling flat out awful. Depression at a high point, headaches everyday, weight gain, and the like...
I just want to sleep all day, and I'm certainly exhausted enough to do so.
Survive one day to the next because you have to. Lie to yourself that things will get better, because you have to. Try and motivate yourself to progress, which I know can be hard when the future looks grim as fuck. The absence of a realistic, tangible hope (career, love, etc.) is a productivity killer, but the truth is there's nothing else you can do. Find a direction and run for it. Go back to school, take chances, move in with a relative far far away from where you are now. Either you want to live or you don't, in the most basic sense of the word. It's a choice you'll likely have to contemplate every time you wake up, and for some of us, it just can't be helped.
I took Tafil (not sure if it's called different in the US)
it seems to be working.... supposedly it helps to "relax" and not give a fuck.
play a videogame. seriously.
Buy a damn fucking long, hard and intricate JRPG for a handheld, go to the toilet, sit on the floor, close the door and let the game absorb you.
move from there only if you have to work, sleep or eat.
it seems to be working.... supposedly it helps to "relax" and not give a fuck.
play a videogame. seriously.
Buy a damn fucking long, hard and intricate JRPG for a handheld, go to the toilet, sit on the floor, close the door and let the game absorb you.
move from there only if you have to work, sleep or eat.
I'm sorry you're suffering. You're my piano bro.
RoyaleDuke
Banned
Water heater broke, can't fix it or afford to fix it. Fucking shyster trailer home people lied to my parents about fixing shit that wasn't fixed when we moved in and since we were desperate and had no place to go(and maybe my parents are idiots), we moved in anyway. Over the years they probably signed away their rights to do anything legally and we don't have the money to fight it... just like my mom's case that fellthrough that is now going to fuck my dad's wages and everything else.
Goddamnit. I swear to fuck there is a reckoning coming for God for all this shit and everything happening in the world right now. I'm beyond pissed.
My dad is most likely going to lose his job which doesn't matter since he is a truck driver so in a few years he will probably be replaced by a machine. He's also gone full white supremacist brainwashed by trump and neonazis.
Only thing I have left to live for is my book, and my therapist is telling me it won't change anything for me and to give up.
My diseases are getting worse, my back is fucked and I pretty much have to be sedated all the time.
I was sick for 2 weeks with bronchitis and strep, spent the better part of those two weeks with a 102 degree fever. Now it's back, but I don't know if its strep or not and the fever is back to.
It feels like the whole world is trying to kill me on top of my own immune system.
Goddamnit. I swear to fuck there is a reckoning coming for God for all this shit and everything happening in the world right now. I'm beyond pissed.
My dad is most likely going to lose his job which doesn't matter since he is a truck driver so in a few years he will probably be replaced by a machine. He's also gone full white supremacist brainwashed by trump and neonazis.
Only thing I have left to live for is my book, and my therapist is telling me it won't change anything for me and to give up.
My diseases are getting worse, my back is fucked and I pretty much have to be sedated all the time.
I was sick for 2 weeks with bronchitis and strep, spent the better part of those two weeks with a 102 degree fever. Now it's back, but I don't know if its strep or not and the fever is back to.
It feels like the whole world is trying to kill me on top of my own immune system.
brianjones
Member
I've pretty much given up on trying to find jobs for this reason
i guess it doesn't sound too great if you state mental illness as your reason for not working but i don't really have anything better to say
i don't really see any hope for me.. if anything happens to my mom god forbid ill be out on the street with nobody
whats sad is i often think about people getting out of prison at least having a valid excuse for why they haven't been working
pigeon interrupted
Member
I'll try. Thanks for taking me seriously, sphinx. My brain is so broken and l can't even comprehend if I can fix it. I cry every night because I'll never be the carefree person I was, and now my eyes are open free from addiction, I realize I didn't even like that person; I would hate to be like them again, BUT at least they didn't have this trauma.
PTSD association makes so many things I previously enjoyed feel tainted and empty, even threatening. I wake many times kicking out at nightmares--I sleep in the hallway because I'm afraid to sleep in my room alone. I'm so screwed... I think I need some councillling. The NHS gave me next to no support and my dr isn't much use, but i will try to talk to her.
Meanwhile, I've dusted off my DSi and Advance Wars Dual Strike and a few others. No radio news, no bad threads, no newspaper, no bad vibes. All I have now is Nintendo. Thank God they kept making fun games. Thank you for the advice, sweetie.
Yeah, if God is watching he/she is either laughing hysterically or giving us the collective the stink eye. This place is a circus and inertia isn't slowing. My own father's lurch to the right continues. I tried to draw the dots between daily mail hatred, labelling elected officials as "Enemies of The People", outing one of said officials as gay and the assassination of Jo Cox, immigration hysteria, and targeted mob violence. He laughed a laugh like somebody watching something mildly amusing on the TV. People like my father won't stop laughing that little complacent laugh until it reaches the front door. I love him but he needs to wake up and stop joining in the hate parade. I give up. Again, ha.
I disagree with you therapist, the world always needs more books. If you get a servicable manuscript together, that'd be a great feeling of achievement and you could even self-publish on Amazon. I'll buy a copy
it's not horror is it?
RoyaleDuke
Banned
To the bolded:I'll try. Thanks for taking me seriously, sphinx. My brain is so broken and l can't even comprehend if I can fix it. I cry every night because I'll never be the carefree person I was, and now my eyes are open free from addiction, I realize I didn't even like that person; I would hate to be like them again, BUT at least they didn't have this trauma.
PTSD association makes so many things I previously enjoyed feel tainted and empty, even threatening. I wake many times kicking out at nightmares--I sleep in the hallway because I'm afraid to sleep in my room alone. I'm so screwed... I think I need some councillling. The NHS gave me next to no support and my dr isn't much use, but i will try to talk to her.
Meanwhile, I've dusted off my DSi and Advance Wars Dual Strike and a few others. No radio news, no bad threads, no newspaper, no bad vibes. All I have now is Nintendo. Thank God they kept making fun games. Thank you for the advice, sweetie.
Yeah, if God is watching he/she is either laughing hysterically or giving us the collective the stink eye. This place is a circus and inertia isn't slowing. My own father's lurch to the right continues. I tried to draw the dots between daily mail hatred, labelling elected officials as "Enemies of The People", outing one of said officials as gay and the assassination of Jo Cox, immigration hysteria, and targeted mob violence. He laughed a laugh like somebody watching something mildly amusing on the TV. People like my father won't stop laughing that little complacent laugh until it reaches the front door. I love him but he needs to wake up and stop joining in the hate parade. I give up. Again, ha.
I disagree with you therapist, the world always needs more books. If you get a servicable manuscript together, that'd be a great feeling of achievement and you could even self-publish on Amazon. I'll buy a copy. I'm an aspiring writer myself but I've lost my confidence and more, lol. Hope your situation improves, babe.it's not horror is it?
I disagree with my therapist too, several gaffers have a partial manuscript of my novel they all tell me it could be one of the most important science fiction works of the decade. I just have to finish it. Which I am slowly doing in advance of the March Release this year. I am publishing on Amazon Kindle service, it's funny you mention the selfpublishing through there.
It's a lovecraftian science fiction existential cyberpunk horror detective novel. There is a thread on here for it too, The Tartarus Syndrome.
As for your father I'm sorry, my dad is the exact same way and its scary. My neighbors too.
It's like I'm living in a bad fever dream.
GaijinZero
Member
Started on Xannax a week ago, and every day I've got zero energy, no sex drive and am thinking too much. Is this normal? Emotions don't seem as strong, they're more pushed down, but I feel myself needing this stuff more and more each day.
RoyaleDuke
Banned
Welcome to xanax.
I'd love to take it tbh but I am allergic to most forms of antidepressents especially benzos.
brianjones
Member
be careful with xanax.. it can be really addictive and the withdrawal is a bitch
you need more because your tolerance is going up
Before my current job I had only had 3 jobs one for one week, another for 3 months and then one for 6 months. After the last one I didn't work for about 5 1/2 years and thankfully I found a job at a call center. I don't remember them asking why I had such a large gap in my employment but even if they did I'd just have told them I had things going on in my personal life I had to work on first. Don't let your mental illness stop you from trying to get work that's how it keeps you down.
Bluemongoose
Neo Member
This year has started off on the wrong foot. I woman I started seeing (never had a girlfriend before) has made me really happy, but now comes the tricky part. On New Year's Eve day we had a date and I asked her if she wanted to be official. She said "yes" for a moment and then started going on and on about how she finds it troubling that I am 37 and have never moved out. Then she proceeds to question my efforts to move out (and indirectly, my maturity)and find a better job (I'm currently part-time). Adding insult to injury she made a hurtful remark about my performance (we got to third base in the car). I feel angry and hurt. I didn't mention my mental health issues at all but she might be starting to suspect. I see a therapist and I'm on meds. I feel like there's such a stigma to it that she would drop me like a bad habit (If she hasn't already. We haven't spoken for several days after that.) if I told her. I've been feeling like shit at work thinking about her and how maybe she's just a bitch and this is all attraction. Or maybe I'll die alone because no one will ever understand me.
I'm the last person anyone should get relationship advice from, but it sounds like she may want to be official and simply has concerns about going through with it. Some people are just more blunt than others when it comes to discussing sensitive subjects. If mental health is a major part of your life then you really shouldn't hide it from her. Relationships can't work without trust. If she can't handle the truth, then this is just delaying the inevitable which wastes both of yours' time.
Basically, just talk to her about it and be honest about things.
This is what I wish I did with the last girl I met, and it just might have worked out.
Bluemongoose
Neo Member
If I may ask, did you hide it from her? The thing with her is she's already got issues with my living situation. This will be the straw that breaks the camel's back (if it hasn't broken yet). I don't want to trick her or anything, but why should I share something so private with someone whom I haven't been official yet? I kinda feel like I shouldn't have to announce that I have depression and anxiety issues to every potential mate. It's not like she's been very forthright with me either. I dunno.
- Status