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[ProfessorMoran]

Nah not at all man. It's not about comparing how your life has gone compared to the opportunities others have had. Just think, you'll have that perspective not a lot of people have. You can use your freedom on what you really want to do, and appreciate it all the more. I know it's something someone as privileged doesn't grasp as much as I should. Plus it ain't worth to stress your middle age might not go so great, who knows what;ll happen.



It sucks you feel like you're in a rut, and that you feel your race is part of the problem. Have you talked to your wife about this? Maybe you can both take up a new hobby and get a new kick from things. Hard for parents of a young child I know, but if you can make the time to get out there it might be really good for you.

My wife and I are both pretty whitewashed (I'm probably more so even though I'm fluent in Cantonese and she doesn't speak anything other than English and French), I feel like we have to move to a different city (there's no place to go) to avoid the stereotype, but we can't because of family, I feel there's a lot of reverse discrimination, in that you're supposed to fit a certain mold.

 

[Via Purifico]

I feel like I want to jump off a roof in all honesty, my mood took a straight nosedive.

 

[SlipperyFishes]

I feel like I want to jump off a roof in all honesty, my mood took a straight nosedive.

I feel you. I've had a horrible day at work, ended up calling a friend at the company where I broke into tears on a video call.

 

[Via Purifico]

I feel you. I've had a horrible day at work, ended up calling a friend at the company where I broke into tears on a video call.

It's harder to deal with when you have responsibilities, you can't just not work or take care of someone that depends on you. I hope your day gets better.

 

[jb1234]

I feel like I want to jump off a roof in all honesty, my mood took a straight nosedive.

Ditto. Giving very serious thought to it.

 

[Fall Into The GAF]

It's been awhile since I've posted here (for many reasons) but I need to get this out.

I can't help but obsess over probability and numbers. Everything is a number's game it seems. Dating is a number's game, Employment is a number's game, finding new social circles. All of it entangled into some vague, but rigid algorithm that dictates that after a certain age and years of experience, you will never keep up. The biggest fear I have is that I will be the most unrelateable person in the room because the path I have walked is a far cry from everyone else's. I mean, that's pretty typical for someone to say but I am in a state of constant unease because I gave up a singular goal I had (PROTIP: Don't ever put all your eggs in one basket) out of feeling demoralized. Now, i look at my outlook and I see that I feel like I need to force myself into a path that's not written for me, but for someone else. For example, I never had an interest in IT but I feel like it's my only avenue because I am nearing 30 and I need a "safe" career because I hate being in constant poverty. Another example is coming to terms with the fact that my dating pool in the future may very well be just single moms and I am in no fucking state of mind to be a surrogate father.

Sounds ridiculous, right? So fixated on predestined paths because I need to keep up with everybody else in life experiences lest I be outcasted again. Societal norms are dictating by this time in my life, I need to focus on careers and starting a family. I can't even give myself the benefit of the doubt to try online dating (ugh) because I am fucking paranoid of having more personal information online for every data-mining asshole to see. Look, this is pathological for me. I did this shit when I turned 18. I just cannot take people's shitty, rigid advice at face value and move on. I feel like even if I put in the time and effort, I need to do it at such an accelerated rate just to play catch up.

I am going to a meetup in a few days, my first of many probably and I hope whatever I glean from these experiences doesn't reinforce my already dysfunctional all-or-nothing, zero sum worldview.

 

[Hey_Blinkin]

I had my 4th therapy session last week and I think I'm probably done with her. I guess I expected a more clinical approach but I guess I'll have to see a psychiatrist for that. She doesn't seemed equipped to handle all my baggage. Setting petty goals like "try to get out more this weekend" isn't worth the money.

I've been trying to focus on my self esteem issues as I feel it's the core of so many of my issues. I'm sorry, but telling me "You're a very attractive guy!" doesn't cut it when I'm a 35 year old guy who's never been in a relationship or knows what it's like to be flirted with. I almost find it insulting that she would even say it. Like it was going to change my entire outlook and suddenly my confidence would do a complete 180.

I guess I really shouldn't blame her, I just misunderstood what a therapist is there for. It's getting pretty evident that I need more than just someone to talk to.

 

[JDHarbs]

I got a new job today. My first real job in 2 years. The staff seem like the most pleasant and friendliest I've ever seen. As long as I can avoid shitty customers then this should be as good of a job as I can get for my mental health, and they're flexible enough for me to keep doing my freelance work and school if I choose.

Maybe I'll make some friends or get a girlfriend too. I remember locking eyes for a moment with a girl that worked there once. I'm kind of hoping she's still there. Baby steps though. Progress is key.

I really just want to get out of my parents house above all else.

Edit:

EDIT: Congratulations, JDHarbs. Glad to hear things are looking up for you.

Much love. Hoping things improve soon for you and everyone else here as well.

 

[SugarDave]

Starting to sleep for a minimum of 12 hours every day now, and keep putting off seeing a doctor. It's 5AM and I would need to see the doctor in a few hours time, but I also kind of just want to sleep again.

Had a brief chat with someone from the job I left yesterday, they mentioned that morale was low at the moment and that everyone seemed to have reached a point where they can now see themselves eventually leaving too. I feel horrible that a part of me was glad to hear this, like it was confirmation that I'm not missing out on anything.

I don't even know what to say to my doctor when I see them. I can put on a facade well enough that I have my shit together so I never feel like I'm being taken seriously when I admit I'm struggling. It's getting all a bit much now, I'm just constantly living in my head and I believe some OCD tendencies are hindering me too, I wake up and just immediately think "I'm going to be awake, not enjoy any of this and when it's time, go back to sleep."

I wish I had the fortitude to off myself, the fantasies of not being here are more appealing than they've ever been in the past right now.

EDIT: Congratulations, JDHarbs. Glad to hear things are looking up for you.

 

[SlipperyFishes]

I got a new job today. My first real job in 2 years. The staff seem like the most pleasant and friendliest I've ever seen. As long as I can avoid shitty customers then this should be as good of a job as I can get for my mental health, and they're flexible enough for me to keep doing my freelance work and school if I choose.

Maybe I'll make some friends or get a girlfriend too. I remember locking eyes for a moment with a girl that worked there once. I'm kind of hoping she's still there. Baby steps though. Progress is key.

I really just want to get out of my parents house above all else.

Edit:


Much love. Hoping things improve soon for you and everyone else here as well.

I'm happy for you. I really am. You grab onto that hook and don't let go.
---

 

[RoyaleDuke]

Got some more work on my novel done, but I've largely just been resting and playing games due to how much pain I've been in lately.

Also depression and the usual shit, dealing with my life as it is. I'm trying to work as much as possible to get it done, I need to get out of this place and away from my parents.

I need money for things to enjoy myself and provide a life for myself.

Fuck I hate money so much, it's always been this giant huge thing hanging over me my whole life and when I see people better off than me it makes me so bitter.

So often, people have it so much better than me, I've dreamt about being rich and living a life of luxury never having to worry about the bills or being homeless or not being able to buy medications and weed or clothes.

I get so mad because the entitled and well off don't understand what it is like to live paycheck to paycheck with no margin for error.

 

[Lemaitre]

I had my 4th therapy session last week and I think I'm probably done with her. I guess I expected a more clinical approach but I guess I'll have to see a psychiatrist for that. She doesn't seemed equipped to handle all my baggage. Setting petty goals like "try to get out more this weekend" isn't worth the money.

I've been trying to focus on my self esteem issues as I feel it's the core of so many of my issues. I'm sorry, but telling me "You're a very attractive guy!" doesn't cut it when I'm a 35 year old guy who's never been in a relationship or knows what it's like to be flirted with. I almost find it insulting that she would even say it. Like it was going to change my entire outlook and suddenly my confidence would do a complete 180.

I guess I really shouldn't blame her, I just misunderstood what a therapist is there for. It's getting pretty evident that I need more than just someone to talk to.

Gauging the benefit of therapy can be difficult at times, but if you're not finding chemistry with your current therapist I'd at least give another one a shot. What did your therapist specialize in? My current therapist is an MFT (marriage family therapist) and he's been much better than my last one. Not that it matters too much but my first therapist was also female, perhaps a male suits other males better and vice versa?

In terms of exclusively seeing a psychiatrist I'd be slightly weary about that. Just because most psychiatrists want you in and out very fast because of the number of patients they see in any given day. Usually having a therapist in tandem with a psychiatrist is more beneficial since the therapist can share his notes with the psychiatrist and gauge your reactions to medication in greater detail.

Concerning your reaction to her wanting you to get out more and telling you you're an attractive person therapists don't have magical clinical tools that will instantly make you feel better. I can see from her viewpoint that telling you you're attractive is meant to help you internalize such thoughts that you do not currently posses about yourself. Yes it's common sense you should get out more on weekends but that's what making progress is all about. It's starts with the little steps that add up into something bigger. I understand the frustration though, because I was there several months ago. Whatever you end up choosing just be patient and keep working on small victories for yourself.

I got a new job today. My first real job in 2 years.

Nicely done JDHarbs, glad to see you making some serious progress. I hope the new job stays wonderful for you!

 

[pbsapeer]

Well my wife had to give up her job because of her anxiety. It's gonna be difficult to pay bills and get by on just my wages. Sucks man. I think my car will need a new cam belt and the boiler needs servicing. why do these things happen at the worst time haha.
Any suggestions of what benefits she might be able to apply for? I'm based in the U.K.

 

[Sagroth]

I can swear I felt the wave of major depression hit me precisely as it started real time this time. I've been pretty damn good these last couple months but last night it hit me like a punch to the gut. I've gone from pretty okay to wanting to disappear from the world entirely for a while. Fuck, I hate this.

 

[Northeastmonk]

Stress from work has been causing me issues. The first like 4 months of the year I'm super busy and have to stay late a few times a week. I was having some issues remembering things because of it and my therapist had me go see a psychiatrist because she thought my ADHD had come back.
So I go see this psychiatrist and she asks me about why I'm there. I say I need a test, that I've been stressed, depressed because my new marriage brought on some things that are new to me, and that I haven't adjusted to everything.
Well.. long story short she prescribed me Prozac to help with depression because she wants my depression taken care of before we start looking at ADHD meds (if any).
I tell my wife and she's furious. Her history with antidepressants has been bad. She doesn't think I need them.
Well this psychiatrist also thinks I need to see another therapist because the one I go see alone I also see as a marriage counselor. She said my current situation is too biased and it won't help me in the long run.
So she sets me up with a new therapist and my wife hates the idea.
We have this argument and I flushed the pills down the drain. She kept saying I'd get fat and not be able to have sex. She didn't want me on meds.
I've been super stressed lately.

Worst thing is that I've had a super busy week and I wanted some time to play a video game. My wife likes to play too. Well we are having a good time, but we end at like midnight. I think it's all good and that we just had a late night. She's mad I spent so much time gaming and it feels like I haven't gotten to just relax and be myself since we moved in together.

I feel like it's been hard adjusting to being a step parent and I'm even taking this parenting class that's like 9 weeks long. It's hard going from single life to now being a parent to a toddler.

I also had stopped talking to my mom and my sister because they weren't supportive of my marriage and my wife doesn't want them in our lives.

It sucks. Some days I just hate having zero time to do anything I want to do and others I feel like I lack some support system I thought I once had. My marriage therapist thinks my parents are toxic and that I shouldn't speak to them anymore. But this new psychiatrist thinks I'm insane for not speaking to them anymore.

Sadly I'm having to cancel everything and just keep going to this marriage counselor.

 

[Astral Dog]

It's been awhile since I've posted here (for many reasons) but I need to get this out.

I can't help but obsess over probability and numbers. Everything is a number's game it seems. Dating is a number's game, Employment is a number's game, finding new social circles. All of it entangled into some vague, but rigid algorithm that dictates that after a certain age and years of experience, you will never keep up. The biggest fear I have is that I will be the most unrelateable person in the room because the path I have walked is a far cry from everyone else's. I mean, that's pretty typical for someone to say but I am in a state of constant unease because I gave up a singular goal I had (PROTIP: Don't ever put all your eggs in one basket) out of feeling demoralized. Now, i look at my outlook and I see that I feel like I need to force myself into a path that's not written for me, but for someone else. For example, I never had an interest in IT but I feel like it's my only avenue because I am nearing 30 and I need a "safe" career because I hate being in constant poverty. Another example is coming to terms with the fact that my dating pool in the future may very well be just single moms and I am in no fucking state of mind to be a surrogate father.

Sounds ridiculous, right? So fixated on predestined paths because I need to keep up with everybody else in life experiences lest I be outcasted again. Societal norms are dictating by this time in my life, I need to focus on careers and starting a family. I can't even give myself the benefit of the doubt to try online dating (ugh) because I am fucking paranoid of having more personal information online for every data-mining asshole to see. Look, this is pathological for me. I did this shit when I turned 18. I just cannot take people's shitty, rigid advice at face value and move on. I feel like even if I put in the time and effort, I need to do it at such an accelerated rate just to play catch up.

I am going to a meetup in a few days, my first of many probably and I hope whatever I glean from these experiences doesn't reinforce my already dysfunctional all-or-nothing, zero sum worldview.

Fuck society. You are you,unique,irreplaceable,whatever path you took in life (consciously chosen or not) is valid.

But you have to understand first your place,its not about getting a 10 or a 0,nobody is going to grade you its about writting an essay that you enjoyed reading.

 

[TangerineCloud]

Sometimes it almost feels like it's my destiny to be depressed. Over the past week, I've been on multiple excellent dates with two women that I'm very much attracted to. And last weekend I even hit another major milestone in my struggle against social anxiety by actually dancing with a girl at a club. But for some reason I just can't seem to derive anything more than a fleeting sense of satisfaction from my accomplishments. I'm doing so much, and I'm proud of myself, but I always go back to feeling empty.

I just can't seem to identify that "thing" that's missing from my life. There's some void inside of me that I don't know how to fill.

 

[Desperado]

How do you all deal with the consequences of your mental illness affecting your reliability (as an employee/coworker or even as a friend)? I'd like to be able to just say, "I made a mistake and I will take actions to correct it" (which is true), but having a chronic issue means that I can't guarantee it won't be a problem in the future... I can't help but worry that people will start trusting me less with responsibility (justifiably so?)/think less of me because they're thinking, "well maybe he'll just mess this up too..."

 

[Pancake Mix]

I have zero friends and I feel like I'm wasting what should be the best years of my life as I sit and ponder my own mortality. I have developed a severe social phobia that (I feel internally) prevents me from trying to fix the situation, which I know is all in my mind. I don't expect help to come from anywhere, I must help myself, but I seem incapable of doing so. I have no excuse and no one to blame but myself. I wish I could just be normal. Wish I could meet a woman, wish I was not on a downward trajectory in life. I hope I do something before it's too late.

Just wanted to let that out.

 

[redlegs87]

I have zero friends and I feel like I'm wasting what should be the best years of my life as I sit and ponder my own mortality. I have developed a severe social phobia that (I feel internally) prevents me from trying to fix the situation, which I know is all in my mind. I don't expect help to come from anywhere, I must help myself, but I seem incapable of doing so. I have no excuse and no one to blame but myself. I wish I could just be normal. Wish I could meet a woman, wish I was not on a downward trajectory in life. I hope I do something before it's too late.

Just wanted to let that out.

Is it just a general social phobia or is there a specific thing that you have a phobia about? Maybe try and throw yourself into the deep end to break it? Just dipping your toe into the waters may feel good and not as stressful but I think just going all in at the start would be more beneficial in getting over social things.

 

[Pancake Mix]

Is it just a general social phobia or is there a specific thing that you have a phobia about? Maybe try and throw yourself into the deep end to break it? Just dipping your toe into the waters may feel good and not as stressful but I think just going all in at the start would be more beneficial in getting over social things.

It's pretty general, I seem to be hyper-aware of other people and worry too much about doing something embarrassing in real life.

I'll try to take your advice. Thank you for the reply.

 

[TankRizzo]

The withdrawals from anxiety meds is fucking awful. Went on a weekend trip and forgot my meds, day 1 was perfectly fine and right now I'm a nervous wreck. Got the dizziness/shakes like I'm 1000% on caffeine.

 

[Astral Dog]

How do you all deal with the consequences of your mental illness affecting your reliability (as an employee/coworker or even as a friend)? I'd like to be able to just say, "I made a mistake and I will take actions to correct it" (which is true), but having a chronic issue means that I can't guarantee it won't be a problem in the future... I can't help but worry that people will start trusting me less with responsibility (justifiably so?)/think less of me because they're thinking, "well maybe he'll just mess this up too..."

This is horrible.you have to work with yourself to defeat those fears.or every failure and mistake no matter how small will feel crippling.you have to work to stop having those thought patterns because thats the start.then work on responsibilities and you will do more than imagined.

And no matter what,people/coworkers will always judge you.one way or another.if you are feeling fear of them taking you as less capable than what you really are then work not to show them otherwise,but to show yourself you can do it.

You might need a few tools to help you though (teraphy,meditation,classes,medicine,)

It's pretty general, I seem to be hyper-aware of other people and worry too much about doing something embarrassing in real life.

I'll try to take your advice. Thank you for the reply.

In my experiencd just going all in to social situations can help you.but don't assume thats the solution! sometimes we go out and out and instead of feeling better we feel the same,or a bit better until the anxiety comes back,or are forced to go to pkaces we don't like or are uncomfortable because others.

We need to change our mind bit by bit.do you like excercise? Thats a good start join a sports club or go to a gym.motivate so you are the one that wants to go out and meet others.

Im sure there is something you want to talk about and express when going out,try to say it,and always remember there is no shame in embarrassment,its normaĺ,its common and nobody thats a decent person will do more than just teasing you.

 

[TankRizzo]

How do you all deal with the consequences of your mental illness affecting your reliability (as an employee/coworker or even as a friend)? I'd like to be able to just say, "I made a mistake and I will take actions to correct it" (which is true), but having a chronic issue means that I can't guarantee it won't be a problem in the future... I can't help but worry that people will start trusting me less with responsibility (justifiably so?)/think less of me because they're thinking, "well maybe he'll just mess this up too..."

Just work hard at not using it as a crutch. It's difficult because for me, my depression/anxiety is tough on my everyday life. But if I used it as an excuse for everything in my life, then I wouldn't be where I am in my career/family life and would be somewhere in Skid Row at the bottom of a bottle.

 

[AyzOn]

I have zero friends and I feel like I'm wasting what should be the best years of my life as I sit and ponder my own mortality. I have developed a severe social phobia that (I feel internally) prevents me from trying to fix the situation, which I know is all in my mind. I don't expect help to come from anywhere, I must help myself, but I seem incapable of doing so. I have no excuse and no one to blame but myself. I wish I could just be normal. Wish I could meet a woman, wish I was not on a downward trajectory in life. I hope I do something before it's too late.

Just wanted to let that out.

I feel mostly the same and suffer a lot from it.
No friends, lost my job because I cant get through the pressure I put on myself. I see everyone moving forward in their lifes while I cant participate.
Im down to the point where I feel hatred when I see people being happy and enjoying what they do. I lost all interest in my hobbies which I used to spend all my time on.

I have isolated myself for years now thinking maybe I just need to get older and ill eventually get more comfortable in life but when I realized that is not going to happen its was already too late.
Almost lost my parents a couple years ago and now two of my cousins died.

I had surgery last year to fix something that had been bothering me for years, hoping it would give me a push that would allow me to get out of that hole I dug. The surgery went wrong though leaving my in a lot of pain for months, not knowing if I would even see the end of the year. Eventually I had surgery again which fixed it hopefully, but Im still in pain and recovering from it.
Last year was supposed to be the time frame that I would use to get better step by step and it ended up being absolute hell on earth for me.

Every time I try to better myself I get thrown to the ground and absolutely crushed by my life. I feel like Im just meant to suffer in the worst ways possible, forced to just watch, unable to help myself.
What makes it even worse for me, I dont even want to die, Im really afraid just thinking of my death which makes suicide absolutely no option to me, but I really want it all to end.

I cant talk to anyone, which is probably why Ive posted this now. I need a different perspective.I tried getting help but I felt like I wasnt being taken serious so I stopped going there. Also Im afraid of having to rely on meds just to function.
All I want is to be normal again... not a drugged to function version of myself and im scared that I wont ever be able to achieve that.

Sorry for the text wall, Ive typed this text so often now, always deleting it, wondering what I´m even trying to accomplish by posting here... and I still dont know

 

[TangerineCloud]

Oof. Got some real bad news today. My grades for one of the classes I need to take in order to get into my desired program at my university are not good right now. My chances at getting in aren't completely shot, but I think I really undid a lot of the hard work I had put on last semester thanks to the depression from my break-up. I'm kinda scared, honestly. I was so close to getting in. Reaching this point was the culmination of 5 years of effort that I've been putting in since I withdrew from my first college due to my depression and anxiety. The idea that three months of sadness and lethargy could undo all that... It makes me sick with fear.

That said, I'm not gonna give in to despair just yet. I've already made an appointment with the professor. I'm going to do my best learn from and rectify the mistakes I've made this semester. I'm not gonna let the loss of one girl (who wasn't even that great in retrospect, tbh) fuck up the years of hard work I've been putting in.

I am getting into this fucking program if it's the last thing I do.

 

[A Human Becoming]

I know isolating myself isn't a healthy behavior, but I find it depressing and stressful to be around people. Adjusting to not having any sort of social circle, even online, is going to be difficult. Any group I've ever been, including the GAF IRC one, never ends well. I just don't belong anywhere.

 

[Hermii]

Warning suicide rant below

Spoiler

Has anyone figured out a way to commit suicide and make it look like an accident? In a way it's a covardly way to go and you will never actually know wether you managed to fool anyone. It could make it easier on people. Then again if you fail and everyone learns that you tried to cover up your suicide, maybe a regular honest suicide with a letter would be preferable.

I would probably be to much of a coward to attempt any kind of suicide but I can't bear the thought of living 50 more years.

 

[saizo]

Warning suicide rant below

Spoiler

Has anyone figured out a way to commit suicide and make it look like an accident? In a way it's a covardly way to go and you will never actually know wether you managed to fool anyone. It could make it easier on people. Then again if you fail and everyone learns that you tried to cover up your suicide, maybe a regular honest suicide with a letter would be preferable.

I would probably be to much of a coward to attempt any kind of suicide but I can't bear the thought of living 50 more years.

I refuse to help you in this regard, but I'm kind of on the same page. Cowardice isn't what repels me, it's the thought of what it would do to those I left behind.

What's got you feeling so bleak my man?

 

[BadTaste]

Recurring thoughts suck

 

[Colin.]

Thankfully, I haven't had serious suicidal thoughts in quite some time, but can't help but feel down and frustrated atm. I continue to not feel genuinely comfortable around anyone, my thoughts tend to be pretty jumbled (which gives me a tough time saying what I want to coherently), I rarely know what to say when I have to initiate things, and even when I do, I'll usually fail miserably at making conversation engaging or interesting. The mixture of shit social skills, and high anxiety makes so many things much more difficult than it should be. I continue to get professional help, but there isn't really any answers to be found there for me. It ultimately all has to come from within somehow. Prodding along for years and years, searching, and hoping for a big chain of events that will somehow snap me out of all this mess. All makes me feel rather hopeless really.

Well my wife had to give up her job because of her anxiety. It's gonna be difficult to pay bills and get by on just my wages. Sucks man. I think my car will need a new cam belt and the boiler needs servicing. why do these things happen at the worst time haha.
Any suggestions of what benefits she might be able to apply for? I'm based in the U.K.

Hopefully not too late with this, but if she has a diagnosed condition, she could be entitled to Employment Support Allowance (ESA). Possibly the Personal Independence Payment (PIP) as well, depending on how severely she's affected. If she'd like to seek out professional help of her own, you can look into community mental health teams in your area, but waiting list times can vary, depending on how stretched they are.

 

[neojubei]

life isnt fair and it sucks.

 

[vegohead]

Been going to group therapy for about a month now since I last posted and I've seen a serious improvement with my wellbeing. I'm feeling so much better after meeting people in similir situations as I am and hearing their opinions on my problems. It's all so real and electrifying.

Also, the therapist involved is a woman which is totally new for me in terms of therapy and she brings so much insight to my problems. The blunt nature of group is a good fit for my personality I'm finding.

Hopefully next month goes as smoothly.

 

[Via Purifico]

Instead of feeling all these emotions I'm more blank than anything else. Probably mentally exhausted which I guess is better than the alternative.

 

[Sesha]

Warning suicide rant below

Spoiler

Has anyone figured out a way to commit suicide and make it look like an accident? In a way it's a covardly way to go and you will never actually know wether you managed to fool anyone. It could make it easier on people. Then again if you fail and everyone learns that you tried to cover up your suicide, maybe a regular honest suicide with a letter would be preferable.

I would probably be to much of a coward to attempt any kind of suicide but I can't bear the thought of living 50 more years.

There are ways but none of those guarantee death and would leave you seriously injured. And if you die would leave your corpse horribly damaged which would be a horrible sight for your loved ones.

If you're still distraught and thinking about ways to die by suicide, write down your thoughts or try to talk to someone about it. Then go and do something else to take your mind off it. Play a game, watch a movie, read random articles on Wikipedia, go on a walk, masturbate, or try and have a nap or go to bed.

 

[Hermii]

There are ways but none of those guarantee death and would leave you seriously injured. And if you die would leave your corpse horribly damaged which would be a horrible sight for your loved ones.

If you're still distraught and thinking about ways to die by suicide, write down your thoughts or try to talk to someone about it. Then go and do something else to take your mind off it. Play a game, watch a movie, read random articles on Wikipedia, go on a walk, masturbate, or try and have a nap or go to bed.

Thats what I did.

 

[Team Alucard]

.

 

[Pancake Mix]

Thats what I did.

Yeah I would recommend writing down your thoughts all the time if you find it therapeutic. I hope things improve for you.

.

What's up?

 

[SugarDave]

Started taking Citalopram again, I need to actually commit this time and not stop taking them the second I feel even slightly alright. I obviously have issues that need to be addressed and this feels like a last ditch effort, I've felt so ready to die the last couple of weeks.

Surprisingly, the doctor I saw needed no prodding to refer me for CBT either, it was the very first thing they said. I forgot to ask roughly how long the waiting list is for it though.

In the meantime, I need routine again. I made a mistake quitting my job even though I loathed the role. I need to be getting outside and meeting new people (or at least being around life). This is the first time in my life I've actually felt any drive to work so I guess that's a good thing.

 

[NegroNinja]

No friends, completely shunned by my entire family, depressed since being bullied in middle and high school, and a terrible job that I think I'm about to be fired from. I just don't know what to do at all. I'm completely lost in life and all I want to do is sleep. I have a feeling that I will die soon too. I really just want to feel normal and lose this crippling anxiety.

 

[shawnbuddy]

I made an appointment, in January, to see a counselor about suicidal ideation. They've rescheduled me two times. The second one yesterday was because I showed up at the time the automated phone call said to. Apparently that's wrong, and you're supposed to show up an hour early instead of thirty minutes to do paperwork. So now they won't see me until May. It's grotesque and absurd to admit, but that literally made me want to kill myself.

 

[Hydrus]

I've been feeling real shitty the last few months. My two best friends that I've know most of my life have started tuning me out again. The three of us were always super tight until a few years ago when suddenly they became even closer and stopped giving a shit about me. I think a lot of it had to to with my friends wife who for some reason doesn't like me and likes having our other friend around. I went thru some really bad times and needed them around but they weren't there for me. Things eventually got better and we got tight again, but then that all came to an end a few months ago when my friend broke up with his girlfriend and the two friends started hanging out a ton. Now they just don't seem to include me in anything anymore and I haven't seen or spoken to them in 2 months and neither of them seem to give a shit. I've tried to reach out to them but don't get much of a response. It may not sound like much to some of you, but it's really been eating me up because I don't have a ton of super close friends like them and I've been dealing with depression for a few years .

 

[Via Purifico]

I've been feeling real shitty the last few months. My two best friends that I've know most of my life have started tuning me out again. The three of us were always super tight until a few years ago when suddenly they became even closer and stopped giving a shit about me. I think a lot of it had to to with my friends wife who for some reason doesn't like me and likes having our other friend around. I went thru some really bad times and needed them around but they weren't there for me. Things eventually got better and we got tight again, but then that all came to an end a few months ago when my friend broke up with his girlfriend and the two friends started hanging out a ton. Now they just don't seem to include me in anything anymore and I haven't seen or spoken to them in 2 months and neither of them seem to give a shit. I've tried to reach out to them but don't get much of a response. It may not sound like much to some of you, but it's really been eating me up because I don't have a ton of super close friends like them and I've been dealing with depression for a few years .

I totally get where you're coming from, been there and it made me bitter as hell. People are just weird so I try not to get caught up in relationships with people.
I live in a big city which doesn't help my depression and sense of isolation at all, it was easier to deal with when I lived in a smaller city.

Try going out and making new friends who deserve you and at the very least we're here for you to talk to.

 

[redlegs87]

Everything is looking up for me yet I still feel like shit like I did before I started working. I am fairly certain that one of my closer friends is slowly drifting away from me which really is hurting me. I try and stay in touch but I get one word responses and no follow ups. I don't know why I let myself get attached as this is the pattern over the years. Make a new group of friends become real close with one or two of them. Then eventually they leave me behind.

I'd say something to them but I think they are burnt out as I may have used them for emotional support too much. I really hate myself right now.

 

[SugarDave]

I think they are burnt out as I may have used them for emotional support too much.

God, I know this feeling too well. All I seem to do lately is pour my heart out to this one friend and I can just sense they're tired of it. Unfortunately, I don't have many friends so they're stuck receiving the brunt of it.

As for my former colleagues I'd like to keep in touch with, I feel like I'm in an awkward position where because I'm not seeing them every day as they are each other, I'm probably considered a bit of an outsider now. This could be my own projection but I may be seeing some of them next week and I get the feeling they may be a bit cold to my presence.

 

[redlegs87]

God, I know this feeling too well. All I seem to do lately is pour my heart out to this one friend and I can just sense they're tired of it. Unfortunately, I don't have many friends so they're stuck receiving the brunt of it.

As for my former colleagues I'd like to keep in touch with, I feel like I'm in an awkward position where because I'm not seeing them every day as they are each other, I'm probably considered a bit of an outsider now. This could be my own projection but I may be seeing some of them next week and I get the feeling they may be a bit cold to my presence.

I'm going to just bottle all my stuff up for now till I see my therapist from now on. That or journal it but no more spilling my guts to everyone of my friends. How I wish I could just be totally emotionless and not feel this pain so constantly.

I try not to guess what others think of me as it will never be good in my head.

 

[redlegs87]

I hope everyone gets better.

I am doing alright now sorta. Had some booze fof first time in a while so I don't feel so shackled by bein g in my own head so often. I thinkn I'll go take a napo.

 

[redlegs87]

After a nap I am back to reality and feel super shitty. I think I'll forever be always at some state of depression and never truly happy in any moment of my life.

 

[KillGore]

Hey guys, my first time here.

So I started getting anxiety attacks for half a year now. Always been an introvert but never at this level. Basically had social phobia, especially with people of higher authority, like my boss.

Anyways, went to the psychiatrist this week and he prescribed Paxil CR. This is my second day taking it and only side effect I think is, I'm getting a bit sleepy, which is fine. Anyways, anything I should know? Is it worth it? Are there better alternatives out there?

First time taking these kinds of medication and I'm a bit worried.

 

[Pancake Mix]

Hey guys, my first time here.

So I started getting anxiety attacks for half a year now. Always been an introvert but never at this level. Basically had social phobia, especially with people of higher authority, like my boss.

Anyways, went to the psychiatrist this week and he prescribed Paxil CR. This is my second day taking it and only side effect I think is, I'm getting a bit sleepy, which is fine. Anyways, anything I should know? Is it worth it? Are there better alternatives out there?

First time taking these kinds of medication and I'm a bit worried.

Just be careful if driving or operating heavy machinery. If the only side effect you're getting from something ends up being slight drowsiness, then you might have found something very good for you to take.