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[Blackquill]

Sorry I completely forgot that I posted on this thread, I was hooked on something else.

Yesterday I called the number about all these suicide issues and the lady in the phone suggested me the same old thing since I feel alone "go to your college, go do some sports", random things like that and after I said I already tried these things a lot she was like "look I really don't know what I can do to help" and "for your age, that's not normal to be so alone", thanks I didn't know that.

I got one big problem with people, everytime I am with someone, I don't feel at ease, maybe because I still didn't met people who are really into the same things as I am but that's what I feel most of the time. Besides, I always feel like shit, not feeling great in my body so I really don't konw what I can do.

 

[Mexen]

Please read.

https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/04/...m=email&utm_campaign=pockethits&_r=1&referer=

 

[beau_beaumont]

I feel like this as good a place as any to vent. I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 eight years ago, and needless to say, I have had a lot of ups and downs. Due to a combination of medication, counseling, and a loving wife, I am in a pretty stable state right now. I have been doing well for 9 months or so and my mood has been pretty stable actually.

However, something that still eats away at me is anxiety. Despite doing so well, I am constantly worried that something will happen in my life that will cause this house of cards to completely collapse on itself. When I was younger, the dumbest stuff used to set me off, and I'm worried that will happen again. For example, my parents' dog broke the keys on my laptop when I was younger and I had a nervous breakdown. It was weird. This stuff used to happen a lot, and I am worried it will happen again.

Due to this worry, I am scared of getting out of my comfort zone and interacting with new people. I am definitely an introvert, so interacting with people is already hard, but I find myself even more anxious around people than usual. I have put a concerted effort into making new friends because I have none, and it helps that most engineering students are also introverts. I made friends with a guy in one of my classes, and he invited me to play intramural soccer with him. Despite enjoying soccer, I don't want to go to any games because it will stress me out too much. It sucks, because I have enjoyed intramurals in the past.

I guess I just need to vent all of this, but I'd like to hear from any of you about how you deal with social anxiety or the fear of relapse of depressive/manic symptoms. I'll always be at risk for the latter due to my condition. I just can't take this anymore.

 

[Mastermind Vade]

In high school, and am in my second last year here. Built a bubble around myself and I'm not very approachable. Those who have tried approaching me stopped because of my responses that seem to show no interest in what they have to say but reality is that, I don't know how to socialize. I haven't a clue as to how people expect me to make small talk, I don't know what's natural and what's not. I feel lost as to what to do... It's clearly the bubble that I've formed around myself whose purpose was to protect myself from frivolous relationships. Though it offered protection, it costed me any chance I had for any meaningful relationship that I would have had in high school. I stutter every time I talk due to a sort of anxiety I get when conversing with others, yet at the same time, I desperately grasp onto those moments where I do converse with other people as it provided a sort of small connection that means nothing to them but means the world to me. My situation feels desperate, two years of loneliness has lead to the deterioration of my self-esteem and confidence, I struggle as to get in front of anybody, to get up and pick up the papers, the textbook etc. I've succumbed to despair, it's hard for me to get motivated to do my work, my teachers think I'm just some lazy kid who wants nothing more than to get their class over with and asking for help is hard as they tend to be reluctant when I ask them for help. My marks are suffering I can do better, but I can't... I see people focusing in doing things they love in situations similar to that of mine. I can't do the same. I ask myself "what makes me happy?" everyday, yet I still can't find an answer. I feel lost, left behind, hopeless, benign, I feel as though my body is a husk, that I'm merely going through everyday life because it feels natural to me, just as eating is. Even if I wanted to speak, I wouldn't know what to say...

 

[Zeus The Dino]

In high school, and am in my second last year here. Built a bubble around myself and I'm not very approachable. Those who have tried approaching me stopped because of my responses that seem to show no interest in what they have to say but reality is that, I don't know how to socialize. I haven't a clue as to how people expect me to make small talk, I don't know what's natural and what's not. I feel lost as to what to do... It's clearly the bubble that I've formed around myself whose purpose was to protect myself from frivolous relationships. Though it offered protection, it costed me any chance I had for any meaningful relationship that I would have had in high school. I stutter every time I talk due to a sort of anxiety I get when conversing with others, yet at the same time, I desperately grasp onto those moments where I do converse with other people as it provided a sort of small connection that means nothing to them but means the world to me. My situation feels desperate, two years of loneliness has lead to the deterioration of my self-esteem and confidence, I struggle as to get in front of anybody, to get up and pick up the papers, the textbook etc. I've succumbed to despair, it's hard for me to get motivated to do my work, my teachers think I'm just some lazy kid who wants nothing more than to get their class over with and asking for help is hard as they tend to be reluctant when I ask them for help. My marks are suffering I can do better, but I can't... I see people focusing in doing things they love in situations similar to that of mine. I can't do the same. I ask myself "what makes me happy?" everyday, yet I still can't find an answer. I feel lost, left behind, hopeless, benign, I feel as though my body is a husk, that I'm merely going through everyday life because it feels natural to me, just as eating is. Even if I wanted to speak, I wouldn't know what to say...

God damn you are a good writer
Fuck friendships get to writing a good story

 

[Mexen]

Just seen this on my Twitter

https://twitter.com/TEDTalks/status/850390262249648129

 

[yepyepyep]

In high school, and am in my second last year here. Built a bubble around myself and I'm not very approachable. Those who have tried approaching me stopped because of my responses that seem to show no interest in what they have to say but reality is that, I don't know how to socialize. I haven't a clue as to how people expect me to make small talk, I don't know what's natural and what's not. I feel lost as to what to do... It's clearly the bubble that I've formed around myself whose purpose was to protect myself from frivolous relationships. Though it offered protection, it costed me any chance I had for any meaningful relationship that I would have had in high school. I stutter every time I talk due to a sort of anxiety I get when conversing with others, yet at the same time, I desperately grasp onto those moments where I do converse with other people as it provided a sort of small connection that means nothing to them but means the world to me. My situation feels desperate, two years of loneliness has lead to the deterioration of my self-esteem and confidence, I struggle as to get in front of anybody, to get up and pick up the papers, the textbook etc. I've succumbed to despair, it's hard for me to get motivated to do my work, my teachers think I'm just some lazy kid who wants nothing more than to get their class over with and asking for help is hard as they tend to be reluctant when I ask them for help. My marks are suffering I can do better, but I can't... I see people focusing in doing things they love in situations similar to that of mine. I can't do the same. I ask myself "what makes me happy?" everyday, yet I still can't find an answer. I feel lost, left behind, hopeless, benign, I feel as though my body is a husk, that I'm merely going through everyday life because it feels natural to me, just as eating is. Even if I wanted to speak, I wouldn't know what to say...

To be honest, I was in a very similar situation to you when I was in high school. The good news is that high school doesn't define your life, it is a very small part of it. For some reason, everyone feels they fail at life if they are not happy during their highschool experience. For what its worth, after being very withdrawn and social awkward during high school (similar to you, some teachers thought I was arrogant or disinterested in school when it was more a matter of being too shy) I'm now a teacher myself and I am currently living abroad . Not some amazing success story in the broader scheme of things, but compared with how I was and how I felt like a failure who couldn't even achieve the simplest tasks, I am happy that I have made progress from where I was when I was a teenager.

If you do want to make progress, you do have to set goals for yourself. If you are avoidant and don't go out in public, then make plans to try to do so on your own. If you want more freedom and independence, begin to learn how to drive a car ,etc; think of your own goals. If you are unsure of "what makes you happy", try learning a new hobby that you are interested in; it won't necessarily answer the big question, which will come to you with more life experience anyway, but it may teach you something about yourself, even if it is "this is not really for me".

Long story short, don't worry high school is not the end of the world, but use your current frustration to make goals in order to improve yourself. Baby steps first.

 

[redlegs87]

Made the mistake of drinking while on my meds. I was all what could one drink do to me? I feel as if I had 3 or 4 of them in a row. Lesson learned if I know I would like to partake in drinking I'll skip the medication that day.

 

[beau_beaumont]

Made the mistake of drinking while on my meds. I was all what could one drink do to me? I feel as if I had 3 or 4 of them in a row. Lesson learned if I know I would like to partake in drinking I'll skip the medication that day.

I know the feeling. I find that as long as I don't take them at the same time as I drink I am fine. I take mine at bedtime usually so it's not that big of a deal. Maybe that's something you could do when you know you'll be out drinking.

 

[Fulminator]

so, after years of being on again off again SSRI's I'm starting to think that my problems are stemming from Dopamine Deficiency, not Serotonin issues

some of the symptoms seem to line up...lack of motivation, rarity of true pleasure (usually just feel content, or if not content then anxious, but i'm not sure if i ever really feel happy except for some rare moments) lower than average libido (which I'd really like to get higher tbh)

anyone in here have experience with dopamine deficiency? They sell supplements and the like online, and I know diet and exercise also play a role (both of which i could probably do better in, but I'm a normal weight for my height atm), but I wanted to get some advice before buying anything like a supplement.

I have yet to speak to a professional, but I plan to at some point in the foreseeable future.

also concerned that this means that i will for sure get parkinsons at some point in the future, as my grandpa (moms dad) and grandma (dads mom) both have it to varying degrees

 

[NegroNinja]

I honestly came to the conclusion today that I've either gone crazy, already was crazy and just realized it, or have a severe mental illness. I push everyone around me away because they all tell me I'm crazy and can't put up with me. I truly don't know what to do. I've talked to God and that doesn't seem to help. Ever since middle school bullying I've been lonely and depressed. My parents never realized or cared. I just feel so lonely I have no friends no family my wife is tired of me and wants a divorce she even said she can't live with me anymore cuz I'm such a wreck. If I wasn't so much of a pussy I would have been killed myself by now but I'm too scared to go through with that. Idk what to do but I know I don't want to be alive but at the same time I'm too scared to die.

 

[DongBeetle]

My friends tell me I'm selfish and I don't give a shit about any of them because I talk about my problems so much. I have a therapist but... I feel the need to talk about my shit always. I'm not sure how to bottle it up.

 

[ProfessorMoran]

Work has gotten pretty overwhelming, trying to do everything, having to do everything, responsible for everything and everyone, cleaning up messes people left months ago before I took over, staff turnovers, I like what I do but job responsibilities have ballooned, my boss moved on so basically I've taken over her job, today when I got home my body seemed to give out, extremities got really cold, head started getting really hot, fine now but exhausted, back to work on Monday.

 

[Johnny Ryall]

Just returned from a weekend away at my best friend's wedding, instead of focusing on the definite fun times that were had my hungover ass is focusing on the hypothetical future. I know they are planning in the future on moving away from our rural town to a city and with the careers they have they wouldn't have many weekends free to meet up.

Right now I can meet him to hang out on weeknights but if/when they move I just can't see him being free very often. I predict it will go from a weekly hangout to a quarterly one... I'm being selfish I know, and I've kept this 100% to myself because if I said anything to anyone it would get back to him and ruin his honeymoon. So thanks for the thread guys.

I need to snap out of the bad headspace as this weekend has been brilliant, I think a lot of my mood is just emotions of the wedding party tied with having to go back home to my empty house. I need to work on my social anxiety and find a wife of my own. I got major shakes signing the registry and had to get the co best man to do the speech because I knew I would just lock up.

How do you undo 30 years of poor confidence though? I've been really struggling these past few years, I've tried anti depressants but they just made me feel like a zombie and don't address the confidence/anxiety issue at all.

 

[ProfessorMoran]

Just returned from a weekend away at my best friend's wedding, instead of focusing on the definite fun times that were had my hungover ass is focusing on the hypothetical future. I know they are planning in the future on moving away from our rural town to a city and with the careers they have they wouldn't have many weekends free to meet up.

Right now I can meet him to hang out on weeknights but if/when they move I just can't see him being free very often. I predict it will go from a weekly hangout to a quarterly one... I'm being selfish I know, and I've kept this 100% to myself because if I said anything to anyone it would get back to him and ruin his honeymoon. So thanks for the thread guys.

I need to snap out of the bad headspace as this weekend has been brilliant, I think a lot of my mood is just emotions of the wedding party tied with having to go back home to my empty house. I need to work on my social anxiety and find a wife of my own. I got major shakes signing the registry and had to get the co best man to do the speech because I knew I would just lock up.

How do you undo 30 years of poor confidence though? I've been really struggling these past few years, I've tried anti depressants but they just made me feel like a zombie and don't address the confidence/anxiety issue at all.

Find the girl first, everything goes from there.

 

[Blackquill]

I'm just to focused on not being on a relationship since I've never been in it, I feel like it'll helps greatly with my loneliness but at the same time I don't have any opportunity to get over with this thing. I'm too obsessed by that and I don't know how to stop this obsession

 

[Johnny Ryall]

Yeah I've never been in a relationship, I'm just useless there. You know that saying about loving yourself before you can love someone else? Its true, I can't imagine anyone having a physical attraction to me so really I'm cock blocking myself.

Sleeping on it I think the next big night out with friends I go on I'm setting the target of only having soft drinks. To say I'll never drink again is impractical because I've said that before and I just feel bad then when i fail.

 

[void666]

I have a job i despise. I have no purpose in life. I can't understand people. I feel like a loose cog inside of a big machine. I have no place or purpose.

The only thing to keep me going is my mom. She would go crazy if i died.

 

[neojubei]

I've come to realize that since I've never been in a relationship with anyone and given my age even if i do meet someone i am ill equipped to even be in a relationship. Worst still what if the other guy is way more experienced. Makes me despise my life even more.

 

[Lemaitre]

It's odd, in one sense I have improved immensely the last several months, and yet there is another side to me that still feels like it's dragging. My Lamictal has stabilized my vitriol filled outbursts toward everyone, and my temper has been drastically reduced. Yet the side of me that has always been at the mercy of my temper doesn't seem to know what to do without all of that anger. It may seem incredulous that I would feel anything at all like this but in a certain way I feel as i I don't know who I really am without my temper.

My temper was a huge part of my identity, certainly for the worst but it still grounded every way I interacted with others and the way I perceived of the world around me. I'm beginning to understand that finding who I am is going to take a longer time than my mental health treatment because as I've already said, I don't really know.

At this point I plan to get a job in the next month or so, and start to take some classes part time. I'm still continuing on with therapy & psychiatrist visits but I'll definitely have to do more on my own to work on my life.

 

[jb1234]

Doc put me on low-dose naltrexone in a gambit to see if it would reduce my pain. Unfortunately, it has not and it's put me in an even worse position because now I can't even take my limited supply of Vicodin for the bad days (which at this point, greatly overwhelm the functional ones). I spent all of yesterday in bed, watching Youtube videos, writhing in agony. It's not a life. I think I'm about finished with it.

 

[Jombie]

I'm off for most of the week, Tues-Fri, and it's torture most of the time. My days consist of taking my kid to school, cleaning up around the house, cooking dinner and then locking myself away in the bedroom until I go to sleep. I dread my off days.

 

[Aizo]

It has been a few years since I've posted here. Current status:

-32 years old
-Struggling with anxiety and depression since the age of 19
-Single, having a hard time to maintain relationships
-Had lots of different therapies, but none really helped
-Finished two degrees
-Unemployed due to mental illness

So... I decided to go into a 4 months intensive therapy on location, which will start april 10th.

I'll sleep/eat there and I will be home during the weekends. The therapy is group-based, meaning most of the time I'm interacting with other 'patients'. We will have our own bedroom and a shareed area to watch tv and read a book.

It is supposedly pretty intense, focussing on interhuman interactions.

Anyone here has had a similar therapy?

Let us know how the first week went.

 

[Wilsongt]

I've managed to find a relationship with a really great guy, but damn if my anxiety isn't being a bitch and making me feel like I am a nuasance, bother, that he doesn't like me as much as I like him, etc.

 

[Zelias]

2 and a half months into a new job (call centre) and anxiety is hitting me like a brick to the point I'm worried it's going to affect my ability to function. I dread going into work, I feel like I've lost all the confidence I had, and I'm finding it difficult to concentrate. I think about just leaving or not coming in but if I do that I'll be in the shit money-wise.

I'm just tired of my own mind sabotaging me. Needless to say I'm looking at other jobs (not telephone related, I do have telephone anxiety but I didn't think it would be this bad) but I'm not sure how long I can last here without serious health repercussions. I'm going to try and see a doctor as soon as I can to discuss this, but I'm on probation so if I get signed off sick or whatever I'm probably a goner anyway. I've already taken one day off because of stomach issues (possibly IBS, possibly stress-related) and more days off will result in possible action.

Nothing against the company I work for or the people there, they're great. But I can feel myself falling apart and it's getting worse every day.

 

[redlegs87]

2 and a half months into a new job (call centre) and anxiety is hitting me like a brick to the point I'm worried it's going to affect my ability to function. I dread going into work, I feel like I've lost all the confidence I had, and I'm finding it difficult to concentrate. I think about just leaving or not coming in but if I do that I'll be in the shit money-wise.

I'm just tired of my own mind sabotaging me. Needless to say I'm looking at other jobs (not telephone related, I do have telephone anxiety but I didn't think it would be this bad) but I'm not sure how long I can last here without serious health repercussions. I'm going to try and see a doctor as soon as I can to discuss this, but I'm on probation so if I get signed off sick or whatever I'm probably a goner anyway. I've already taken one day off because of stomach issues (possibly IBS, possibly stress-related) and more days off will result in possible action.

Nothing against the company I work for or the people there, they're great. But I can feel myself falling apart and it's getting worse every day.

You do inbound or outbound and what type of calls? When I first started at the call center I work I was nervous as all hell super anxious and eventually with repetition it just went away. Sorry it doesn't seem to be working that way for you. Then again some people just aren't made for being on a phone all day.

 

[Sun Drugs]

Does anyone here self medicate with nootropics and such? Every day I take 50mg tianeptine sulfate for depression, 1-2mg etizolam for anxiety, 10mg memantine, 4-5g phenibut (3 times a week), and I smoke weed nightly.

Can't say it is helping much. I am too anxious to seek professional help...just thinking about everything that goes into that makes me anxious. My life has been downward spiraling for a while now, and I feel like everything I take just makes me feel okay with my life. Generally speaking I am "fine", but I don't care much about anything anymore. I spend my nights mindlessly browsing the internet while listening to music. I used to enjoy video games, reading, movies/tv, etc...now I find no motivation to do any of that really.

I've been dating someone for a couple of months now...I like her a lot, she likes me, but I feel like I could be doing more and am letting her slip away from me.

 

[Zelias]

You do inbound or outbound and what type of calls? When I first started at the call center I work I was nervous as all hell super anxious and eventually with repetition it just went away. Sorry it doesn't seem to be working that way for you. Then again some people just aren't made for being on a phone all day.

Inbound - I'm first line customer support for a bank. I was nervous when I started but was handling things well, it's more that in the past couple of weeks I've spiralled into being a wreck, so it's getting worse, not better. I've probably done the dumb thing of repressing my anxiety and trying to power through it, only for it to pile up and become a real problem. Now I need to look at getting help for that problem.

Looking to get back into store retail anyway, for whatever reason I just handle that much better. My last job was great - perfect hours for me and a nice working atmosphere, just a shame it was a temp Christmas job and they didn't have the budget afterwards to give me a permanent role even though they wanted to keep me on.

 

[Lemaitre]

Does anyone here self medicate with nootropics and such? Every day I take 50mg tianeptine sulfate for depression, 1-2mg etizolam for anxiety, 10mg memantine, 4-5g phenibut (3 times a week), and I smoke weed nightly.

Can't say it is helping much. I am too anxious to seek professional help...just thinking about everything that goes into that makes me anxious. My life has been downward spiraling for a while now, and I feel like everything I take just makes me feel okay with my life. Generally speaking I am "fine", but I don't care much about anything anymore. I spend my nights mindlessly browsing the internet while listening to music. I used to enjoy video games, reading, movies/tv, etc...now I find no motivation to do any of that really.

I've been dating someone for a couple of months now...I like her a lot, she likes me, but I feel like I could be doing more and am letting her slip away from me.

I don't self-medicate with any of the drugs you listed (beyond weed every so often) but I will say that you should indeed visit a doctor or mental health specialist. Especially if you are dating someone that you like that much, you not only owe it to yourself to seek medical help but you owe it to them or any future partner. My now ex-wife largely left me because of my own mental health problems and because I was too stubborn to seek treatment until I hit rock bottom (after the divorce). Learn from my example and go now while you can still salvage your relationship while also keeping yourself from spiraling out of control.

 

[DongBeetle]

Got rejected by another fucking girl and it further reminds me how fucking hopeless my situation is. It sucks fucking dick to know that you're not enough for ANYONE to give a chance. No, not one person. I've NEVER had a girl like me and I probably never will due to my shit genetics. I wish girls would look past my ugly fucking face and just give me a chance. Don't be shallow. Add this to the fact that my friends think I'm annoying as shit, I'm terrible at school and I'm terrible at my job. I want to die but I don't want to make anyone sad and I'm afraid of what comes after. I've been trying therapy and it helps me deal with it a small bit but not enough. Medication doesn't work either. I feel like I'm running out of options. I'm at work right now so I can't call the suicide prevention hotline but what would they say? Will they truly figure out what's wrong with me when so many other people can't figure out? Why am I so fucking repulsive? Why am I so fucking lazy? Why am I so fucking stupid? WHY CANT ANYONE GIVE ME ANSWERS

 

[deletethis123]

I don't know what to do. About a month ago one of my best friends committed suicide. Now one who knows about the situation who's had struggles for the past year and a half just told me he's thinking of committing suicide. We've had a lot of conflicts lately and I don't think I've handled the situation properly. Now that he told me I don't know what to do.

I fear talking with someone else might speed up the process. He's not close to his family at all and I think my other friend's passing really hit him hard. I feel powerless and that I won't be able to help him at all like my other friend really makes me feel useless.

 

[Team Alucard]

Visiting my parents tomorrow. With the way I've been feeling lately it might be the last time I ever see them.

I just can't deal anymore.

 

[cryptic]

I've been feeling very hopeless.
I've suffered from illness since I was a kid; I have borderline personality disorder: eating disorders, extreme anxiety, extreme depression.
Today was another day where I really wanted to quit and attempt suicide, like it becomes all I can think about.
I feel complete and total emptiness all the time, I wake up in so.much pain, my anxiety is so bad I walk down the street and feel like everyone is staring at me so I have to look away or down.
I have no family or friends and I see this pattern repeating over and over of struggle and pain and I'm so tired.
It's gotten difficult ultimate.for me to even speak.
I'm showing the delayed reactions of depression and anxiety and it's making me look so bad at work.
Everyone there already hates me or just doesn't care and it really hurts.
Everyday I have to cry almost uncontrollably over nothing.
I'm so, so tired, I don't want anything I just don't want to keep having to suffer.

 

[Dipper145]

So after being on countless medications and other treatment options like rtms/suffering from treatment resistant depression for almost 10 years now (from diagnosis), I was admitted to the hospital about 2 months ago. Decided to go for 12 treatments of bilateral ECT (the most intense version of ECT). Completely got rid of my depression, and I can't remember a time that I've ever felt so good. Most people there with me saw how much I improved and wanted to try the treatment too but didn't qualify yet (have to try pretty much every other option first). Only side effects I've had are memory loss of the time I was getting the treatments and a little bit after. The experience in the place I was staying while I was getting treatments reminded me a lot of first year university dorm life (minus the drugs, alcohol, and sex) so just lots of hanging out and chatting, and going to classes/groups.

ECT definitely saved my life, and honestly getting it done was the best thing to ever happen to me. It was weird at first feeling so many emotions and actually caring about things, and wanting to do things.

Still keeping in contact with the people I became friends with while in there which is nice, as it helps with my social anxiety that I also have to deal with.

I am beginning to worry that my depression is slowly coming back, but I've also come down with a cold which might be why I'm feeling bad, and that I will have to undergo maintenance ECT treatments (albeit probably just the ultra short unilateral pulse version / the least intense version). It makes everything a lot easier to deal with everything when I know there is a treatment option that actually works for me. Could also just be that the initial "high" of feeling so normal is wearing off a bit.

 

[2Smashed4U]

So...I don't really know how to talk about this but.

Has anyone ever been in an abusive relationship before? I was in one a few years ago...I'm still not over it or over her, and I pretty much only get worse about it. I kind of feel like my life is completely fallen apart and I don't really see anyway that I'm gonna dig out of it at this point.

It's hard to get people to take seriously a guy that has been on the receiving end of an emotionally abusive relationship, so that definitely plays into it as well.

 

[Milksheikhs]

I don't know what to do anymore, so I guess I'm just posting here to get it out. Everyday my mental health has been deteriorating more and more. It feels like every day I'm becoming more anxious, more easily irritated, obsessive thoughts, fantasizing about suicide.

I've had problems and suicidal thoughts on occasion since I was young. My first thought at killing myself came when I was about 7. I told my brothers friend "I just want to die and that I would hold my breath until I died". She laughed and said it was impossible. And at the time I didn't understand why I couldn't do that. Later that same year I decided I would really make an attempt by laying out in the middle of the road waiting for a car to come and run over me. Eventually, after no cars coming for awhile I got up and walked back home. No one in my family knew about this. Over my teenage years I made some small attempts and self-harmed a lot.

A few months ago I filled my bathtub up with water and got in fully clothed. My spouse stayed with me after coming in the bathroom and seeing me like this. I had a razor in my hand. Now, I'm sitting in my living room unable to cope with anything (usually I play Overwatch or some other way to escape) I'm crying because the desire to kill myself is at its strongest. I'm crying because I love my daughter, but I also am scared and don't feel like I can continue living. Fuck, I'm panicking and I just want everything to end.

 

[Horse Detective]

Nvm.

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

.

 

[Media]

I shouldn't have posted this nevermind.

 

[Via Purifico]

I'm so fucking depressed right now. I literally can't function. The only thing stopping me drinking every pill I own is the fact I have kids. My pain levels are insane and no one fucking cares. My husband is acting like my depression is an annoyance. It's fucking amazing. And then the kids don't even seem to care my tententive grasp on that ledge gets weaker and weaker.

All I am is literally a bearden on everyone around me. There is nothing I can do to fix it .

I'm here for you if you ever need to talk.

And as for me, today is my birthday and it should be a happy occasion but I'm not really happy and my mood took a nosedive.

I feel one year older and no progress in my life on top of dealing with a breakup.

 

[Gibbs]

I'm here for you if you ever need to talk.

And as for me, today is my birthday and it should be a happy occasion but I'm not really happy and my mood took a nosedive.

I feel one year older and no progress in my life on top of dealing with a breakup.

Happy Birthday my dude <3

I'm here if you need to talk. Even though you see no progress, you are progressing. You are right where you are supposed to be regardless if you see it. I personally believe that, and its what has kept me going. You are doing great with everything considering what we discussed, I am proud of you.

 

[2Smashed4U]

So...I don't really know how to talk about this but.

Has anyone ever been in an abusive relationship before? I was in one a few years ago...I'm still not over it or over her, and I pretty much only get worse about it. I kind of feel like my life is completely fallen apart and I don't really see anyway that I'm gonna dig out of it at this point.

It's hard to get people to take seriously a guy that has been on the receiving end of an emotionally abusive relationship, so that definitely plays into it as well.

If anyone has any input on something like this, don't hesitate to chime in

 

[Gibbs]

So...I don't really know how to talk about this but.

Has anyone ever been in an abusive relationship before? I was in one a few years ago...I'm still not over it or over her, and I pretty much only get worse about it. I kind of feel like my life is completely fallen apart and I don't really see anyway that I'm gonna dig out of it at this point.

It's hard to get people to take seriously a guy that has been on the receiving end of an emotionally abusive relationship, so that definitely plays into it as well.

Emotionally abusive relationships are the worst type in my opinion. I totally understand where you are mentally, because even though my relationship wasn't emotionally abusive, my ex did a lot of damage when he left, and it caused me to go into a deep depression where I wished I wouldn't wake up, I hated myself(still do), and all that stuff that relates.

It's a struggle when you try to meet people, make connections, or even enter a new relationship. Some see it as baggage and others don't want to deal with it. Its hard to trust, or even see good in people after. It's even hard to be happy. Fake a smile and pretend to be ok when you are breaking inside, drowning even.

Like you, I haven't gotten over my ex, its been almost two years and I struggle every day but I find ways. I understand it feels like you'll never get out of hole you are in but I promise you it will eventually get better.

If you need to talk, my inbox is completely open. To anyone struggling, my inbox is ALWAYS open if you need to talk.

 

[Gibbs]

I don't know what to do. About a month ago one of my best friends committed suicide. Now one who knows about the situation who's had struggles for the past year and a half just told me he's thinking of committing suicide. We've had a lot of conflicts lately and I don't think I've handled the situation properly. Now that he told me I don't know what to do.

I fear talking with someone else might speed up the process. He's not close to his family at all and I think my other friend's passing really hit him hard. I feel powerless and that I won't be able to help him at all like my other friend really makes me feel useless.

If you are truly concerned you can call and get a wellness check placed on him. If they feel he is a danger to himself, they will take him and he will be forced to go, and get the help he needs, which maybe he does.

You are not useless, you are a caring friend and this is an extremely tough situation. Could you perhaps meet up with your friend and talk to him? I understand you have had conflicts recently but he needs a caring friend, and that is you.

Hugs, you will figure out the right thing that will be best for him. just try to open the lines of communication.

 

[2Smashed4U]

Emotionally abusive relationships are the worst type in my opinion. I totally understand where you are mentally, because even though my relationship wasn't emotionally abusive, my ex did a lot of damage when he left, and it caused me to go into a deep depression where I wished I wouldn't wake up, I hated myself(still do), and all that stuff that relates.

It's a struggle when you try to meet people, make connections, or even enter a new relationship. Some see it as baggage and others don't want to deal with it. Its hard to trust, or even see good in people after. It's even hard to be happy. Fake a smile and pretend to be ok when you are breaking inside, drowning even.

Like you, I haven't gotten over my ex, its been almost two years and I struggle every day but I find ways. I understand it feels like you'll never get out of hole you are in but I promise you it will eventually get better.

If you need to talk, my inbox is completely open. To anyone struggling, my inbox is open if you need to talk.

Yeah that's basically a lot of what I feel like. And there's another level of like, to the degree that other people don't take emotional abuse seriously there's kind of an element inside me that's like...do I have the right to be as messed up as I am by this? Do I just need to suck it up? Which on top of other things already there is rough.

Thanks, I definitely appreciate it

 

[Gibbs]

Yeah that's basically a lot of what I feel like. And there's another level of like, to the degree that other people don't take emotional abuse seriously there's kind of an element inside me that's like...do I have the right to be as messed up as I am by this? Do I just need to suck it up? Which on top of other things already there is rough.

Thanks, I definitely appreciate it

Emotional abuse can't be described because its on a whole different level. You can try and try to describe how you feel, but at the end, whatever you say will never truly match whats going on. It's like an instant replay in your head of everything, and you believe it. No one truly understands that aspect.

You have every right to feel the way you do. To feel messed up, because it does damage, a lot of damage to a person. You do not need to suck it up because burying it makes it worse. It's like an itch, scratch it and it begins. Bury it, and it will eventually come back to the surface, but worse. Coping with it, dealing with it on a daily basis is healthy, even though in reality what happened was not.

I am truly sorry you are dealing with this. It's a battle of its own, and no will ever understand it until they have gone through it. You are doing great regardless if you feel you are sinking. You made it through another day of hell. I am proud of you. Each day is a victory, remember that.

 

[2Smashed4U]

Emotional abuse can't be described because its on a whole different level. You can try and try to describe how you feel, but at the end, whatever you say will never truly match whats going on. It's like an instant replay in your head of everything, and you believe it. No one truly understands that aspect.

You have every right to feel the way you do. To feel messed up, because it does damage, a lot of damage to a person. You do not need to suck it up because burying it makes it worse. It's like an itch, scratch it and it begins. Bury it, and it will eventually come back to the surface, but worse. Coping with it, dealing with it on a daily basis is healthy, even though in reality what happened was not.

I am truly sorry you are dealing with this. It's a battle of its own, and no will ever understand it until they have gone through it. You are doing great regardless if you feel you are sinking. You made it through another day of hell. I am proud of you. Each day is a victory, remember that.

Thanks for the kind words man. It's definitely nice to hear some positivity every now and then.

 

[Gibbs]

Thanks for the kind words man. It's definitely nice to hear some positivity every now and then.

My inbox is always open if you need to vent of talk Hope you have a great evening. =)

 

[Menthuss]

First time posting in this thread, hello to everyone!

For most of my life I've been struggling with loneliness. I was that kid in school that was always distant and weird and this continued all the way up to college. I've recently turned 26 and looking back on my life, I realized that I basically stopped developing socially right after high school. I always heard stories that once college/university comes around, life really starts: You go out with friends, you develop serious relationships, etc.

I however, didn't. I didn't build any new relationships during my time at college, all I did was just stumble my way through and somehow obtained a bachelor's degree.

Now recently I've started doing a lot of self-reflecting and looking at my own actions to get a sense why I still don't have any relationships and I've come to the conclusion that I might suffer from Avoidant Personality Disorder (I seem to fit most symptoms to a T). To keep it short, I long for relationships but I simultaneously feel I don't deserve them or that people couldn't possibly like me. I also feel great shame for my lack of experience with relationships at my age. Thus I avoid them as much as I can. But sometimes the loneliness really gets to me, especially when I see groups of friends or couples, laughing and having a good time.

I really needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for reading.

 

[yepyepyep]

First time posting in this thread, hello to everyone!

For most of my life I've been struggling with loneliness. I was that kid in school that was always distant and weird and this continued all the way up to college. I've recently turned 26 and looking back on my life, I realized that I basically stopped developing socially right after high school. I always heard stories that once college/university comes around, life really starts: You go out with friends, you develop serious relationships, etc.

I however, didn't. I didn't build any new relationships during my time at college, all I did was just stumble my way through and somehow obtained a bachelor's degree.

Now recently I've started doing a lot of self-reflecting and looking at my own actions to get a sense why I still don't have a relationships and I've come to the conclusion that I might suffer from Avoidant Personality Disorder (I seem to fit most symptoms to a T). To keep it short, I long for relationships but I simultaneously feel I don't deserve them or that people couldn't possibly like me. I also feel great shame for my lack of experience with relationships at my age. Thus I avoid them as much as I can. But sometimes the loneliness really gets to me, especially when I see groups of friends or couples, laughing and having a good time.

I really needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for reading.

Are you specifically referring to romantic relationships or including friendships as well? I am almost 26 and haven't had a relationship before but it doesn't really bother me at the moment. Although sometimes I wonder if it will when I get older, but oh well, don't have the greatest desire for it right now so I'm not too fussed. Although I do suppose it's different if you do actively desire a relationship.

The best advice I guess is to try and go out of your comfort zone and try dating or meeting new people. You'll probably have some crappy experiences, everyone does, but you can't make improvements in your life without going out of your comfort zone.

For friendships you could try meetup.com. Sometimes its matter of finding the right group, but you can meet some relatable people along the way.