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[CortexVortex]

Ok, today I visited my ex because I needed to wash my clothes (can't afford a washing machine at the moment). To make it short: She was really ill and I took care of her, made tea, made her bed, went to the city to buy some medicine and stuff.
The weird thing is, that I was feeling quite happy during the day and even bought some cool shirts that are looking amazing on me since I lost quite a bit of weight. Got some really expensive, but probably delicious food for our/ her cat.
Everything was fine. One hour ago I went back to her place to bring her the medicine and we talked just a bit. Still, everything fine.
Then we said goodbye, she wished me a nice evening and I went to the supermarket to buy ingredients for cooking later today. For some reason, nothing was fine anymore.
I took everything out of my shopping cart again, just got one frozen pizza and beer and went home.
Why the fuck keep these mood swings happening to me. I think I just can't move on for some reason.

 

[Condom]

The darkness is back and I am pretty much trying to sleep through it. I sleep hours and hours in my free time hoping to wake up with a positive mood.
At least at work I have no choice but to play the happy worker.

 

[jb1234]

The amount of close friends I have has been slowly dwindling down. I figure it's not going to be too much longer before I'm all alone. I'm just too difficult to be friends with. But I'm no stranger to loneliness.

 

[Astral Dog]

I posted some of this in the LGBT thread but i think i need to writte here, even if im worried i'll be judged harshly i have to do it.

Feel bad now, i got a friend i meet doing service in a charity wich i been seeing and talking more these last 5 months since we left, keeping in touch, but it has become heavy without me realizing i don't longer want to hear again about her dad, i don't want to hear about her ex boyfriend, or guy she danced with before and her countless followers either real or not; i don't want to hear how i visiting her caused everybody to threat her like a slut; or if she is pregnant (she isn't)nor all the negative comments she tells me about everyone we know, either true or false, how she is going to die, going to be murdered or raped, or how they are following her, or how she has to care for her crippled sisters and wants to hit them , or how she always lies about me saying something awful about her minutes earlier or her angry about being poor and telling everyone how poor they are abd much more.

I,,i don'r think i can deal with thia anymore , feel bad and its selfish but i think im not the one qualified to help or listen for four hours every 5 days, they told me to cut her off months ago for being a toxic relationship but i really wanted to help i know im her only friend she still trusts and i been trying to take her to a psychologist again or to a school church or even the streets to walk and its failing, im barely succeding in helping me or my mom but could be time to cut this off :'( don't know what to do.

 

[Violet_0]

make it clear that she's going to lose you if she's unwilling to seek out help. The value of the friendship is questionable if you don't even want to be around her. Mentally unstable people can be very clingy and latch onto others for emotional support if they find someone who is willing to listen to them, though they might not realize it. You are afraid to leave her now because you assume her to be dependent on you and you sacrifice your time and own mental well-being for someone who doesn't seem to be particularly close to you

in any case, make it clear that there's a limit to you patience, and if this won't change anything, prepare to cut her out of your life, at least for a while

 

[Astral Dog]

make it clear that she's going to lose you if she's unwilling to seek out help. The value of the friendship is questionable if you don't even want to be around her. Mentally unstable people can be very clingy and latch onto others for emotional support if they find someone who is willing to listen to them, though they might not realize it. You are afraid to leave her now because you assume her to be dependent on you and you sacrifice your time and own mental well-being for someone who doesn't seem to be particularly close to you

in any case, make it clear that there's a limit to you patience, and if this won't change anything, prepare to cut her out of your life, at least for a while

Thank you i would like her to have more self worth just a few weeks ago she told she was doing this and that and she was happier but it was mostly a lie then lashed at me for whatever and always starts sounding overly arrogant and sardonic.even told she doesn't want to hear/see me anymore over nothing or because fuck men

Its difficult because im also not very sociable and im gonna miss her but maybe its for the best for both take a little off seeing eachother maybe i can convince her that way to seek help thank you.

 

[Blackquill]

I know you guys probably don't live in the same area as me (in Belgium) but do you know some ideas on where to find another therapist because the actual isn't efficient at all. I've found the first one thanks to a website but he was too expensive and the second one I found it because it's affiliated to my college but I don't have clue for finding someone else that is not expensive

 

[Menthuss]

I know you guys probably don't live in the same area as me (in Belgium) but do you know some ideas on where to find another therapist because the actual isn't efficient at all. I've found the first one thanks to a website but he was too expensive and the second one I found it because it's affiliated to my college but I don't have clue for finding someone else that is not expensive

Try googling therapy, followed by the name of your town. That's how I found my therapist (I live in The Netherlands fwiw). Most of them probably have a website that lists their rates. If they don't, try calling and asking them directly instead.

 

[neojubei]

sigh

 

[Widdle Puppy]

What is the best online therapy service?

 

[Daria]

Today my SO quit their second job in the past 6 months due to "crippling anxiety." I don't know how to respond to this. I want them to keep moving forward instead of going backwards but they don't understand how.

second though, retracted some. while i personally am able to deal with depression in a certain way, others may not be able to and i have to begin this path of understanding how to listen first.

 

[The Elite]

I'm on the third week of this Zoloft stuff and feel like a shakey mess. Can't function at all. They told me my anxiety would get worse before it gets better but I need to function.

75mg.

It needs to get better. I have been completely crippled by anxiety lately.

 

[TheLostBigBoss]

god damn the fogginess is back in full force.

How the hell am I still not on medication. God damn it :/

 

[Astral Dog]

Actual therapist is a great guy, his way has been to let me do the talking all the time thing and that has helped me to feel more secure, thing is that lately i been wanting some advice or feedback i think he is losing patience because he is correcting me always to say i should not be complaining but thats not my intention im just trying to say how i feel ím not happy with the relationship i have with others or myself but im working to improve every day

What is the best online therapy service?

I know isn't much use, but try Googling it , i give up early because i realized they recieve so many request a day there is a high chance they won't respond to you i think the best is actually going to one but maybe you will have bettwr luck

 

[Kurtofan]

I'm feeling very desperate. I have failed my first year of master's degree twice in a row... I probably won't able to continue next year. I couldn't give a satisfying thesis to my teachers, because in part of my anxiety problems (social and otherwise...).

I'm having therapy (weekly appointment with college psychologist and monthly appointment with a psychiatrist, with a treatment for anxiety) but it wasn't enough...

I do feel like I got better than last year, but at the same time, failing another year is really hard for me...

I don't know what to do...

 

[Menthuss]

I'm feeling very desperate. I have failed my first year of master's degree twice in a row... I probably won't able to continue next year. I couldn't give a satisfying thesis to my teachers, because in part of my anxiety problems (social and otherwise...).

I'm having therapy (weekly appointment with college psychologist and monthly appointment with a psychiatrist, with a treatment for anxiety) but it wasn't enough...

I do feel like I got better than last year, but at the same time, failing another year is really hard for me...

I don't know what to do...

Is it possible for you to take a year off or something? Because it's probably not a good idea to try something as taxing as getting a master's degree while struggling with severe anxiety.

 

[Kurtofan]

Is it possible for you to take a year off or something? Because it's probably not a good idea to try something as taxing as getting a master's degree while struggling with severe anxiety.

the problem is that I'd lose my student job if I don't continue my studies... And I like it, it's been great for me, I feel like.

 

[Hermii]

Im so worthless at social interactions. Sat next to a cute woman at a bar today. We were toasting and flirting a little. Then she said my bus leaves in 2 minutes and I replied "then run". Should have said "is there a later bus", "take the next bus", "don't go" , "to bad you have to go" or literally anything but run. No wonder I'm so fucking lonely and miserable.

 

[Astral Dog]

Im so worthless at social interactions. Sat next to a cute woman at a bar today. We were toasting and flirting a little. Then she said my bus leaves in 2 minutes and I replied "then run". Should have said "is there a later bus", "take the next bus", "don't go" , "to bad you have to go" or literally anything but run. No wonder I'm so fucking lonely and miserable.

lol thats funny, don't mind it

 

[jb1234]

Im so worthless at social interactions. Sat next to a cute woman at a bar today. We were toasting and flirting a little. Then she said my bus leaves in 2 minutes and I replied "then run". Should have said "is there a later bus", "take the next bus", "don't go" , "to bad you have to go" or literally anything but run. No wonder I'm so fucking lonely and miserable.

She probably had something she had to do. I think the appropriate action in that situation would be to ask for her number. You don't want to come across as clingy.

 

[Darkness Unleashed]

I've finally realized after a long time and reading a bit about it that I'm suffering from "intrusive thoughts". And it's really annoying that this is somewhat messing with my enjoyment of my biggest hobby (gaming). At least it doesn't affect me in my job.

Many of these thoughts are so bizarre/disgusting that I'm even embarrased to post them here. I know that having such stuff in your brain can be perfectly normal from time to time, but... there seems to be no end to them.

I'm actively trying to accept them and cope with them without getting to feel anxiety, and I've been making some progress these past few days, but still I'd really appreciate some insight or advice on this matter. Anything helps. Even writing this is making me feel better. Thanks in advance.

 

[Mastermind Vade]

I've finally realized after a long time and reading a bit about it that I'm suffering from "intrusive thoughts". And it's really annoying that this is somewhat messing with my enjoyment of my biggest hobby (gaming). At least it doesn't affect me in my job.

Many of these thoughts are so bizarre/disgusting that I'm even embarrased to post them here. I know that having such stuff in your brain can be perfectly normal from time to time, but... there seems to be no end to them.

I'm actively trying to accept them and cope with them without getting to feel anxiety, and I've been making some progress these past few days, but still I'd really appreciate some insight or advice on this matter. Anything helps. Even writing this is making me feel better. Thanks in advance.

Yes, I know exactly how this feel but I'm more on the side that's trying to actively avoid them rather than accepting them. I don't know if I'm in the right track...

 

[brokenbeans]

Im so worthless at social interactions. Sat next to a cute woman at a bar today. We were toasting and flirting a little. Then she said my bus leaves in 2 minutes and I replied "then run". Should have said "is there a later bus", "take the next bus", "don't go" , "to bad you have to go" or literally anything but run. No wonder I'm so fucking lonely and miserable.

That's a shame I was gonna buy the next round, take care 👍🏻

 

[Mully]

My prescription of Lexapro ends in a few days. My doctor is on vacation for another week and I'm not sure how I can get a few pills to hold me over until I can see him again. Does anyone have any ideas on how I can get a small refill until he returns?

 

[Lemaitre]

My prescription of Lexapro ends in a few days. My doctor is on vacation for another week and I'm not sure how I can get a few pills to hold me over until I can see him again. Does anyone have any ideas on how I can get a small refill until he returns?

You could try calling your doctors office letting the front office know about your situation. Tell them that your doctor won't return fast enough from vacation to fill your prescription and that you want to avoid SSRI withdrawal at all costs. Just try to be as respectful but aggressive as you can and let them know how key the medication is for your mental health. Hopefully your doctor has an emergency number for situations like these. It's worth trying for at the least, ya got nothing to lose.

 

[Kurtofan]

fuck i feel so alone

 

[Hermii]

fuck i feel so alone

Me to

 

[Daria]

Planning on calling for an appointment with the Dr to get on a script. im not sure what it'll be, im so out of the loop on what's new. only one i've ever been on was Zoloft 10+ years ago.

 

[LegoArmo]

I'm so far beyond help.

 

[Mully]

You could try calling your doctors office letting the front office know about your situation. Tell them that your doctor won't return fast enough from vacation to fill your prescription and that you want to avoid SSRI withdrawal at all costs. Just try to be as respectful but aggressive as you can and let them know how key the medication is for your mental health. Hopefully your doctor has an emergency number for situations like these. It's worth trying for at the least, ya got nothing to lose.

There's no one at the office until next week. It's just my psychiatrist and a front desk woman that's only there when he's there.

 

[Lemaitre]

There's no one at the office until next week. It's just my psychiatrist and a front desk woman that's only there when he's there.

You don't have anyone's cell phone number? The other option would be just to try and get another prescription for Lexapro from another doctor this one time. The doctor you see will be likely to fulfill your request since you have already had it prescribed before.

Also if you live in certain states you may be able to have an online doctor prescribe you medication as well. Again, they only usually do so if you've had it prescribed before (which you have).

 

[MooMoo]

The daily struggle of depression is tiring.

Maybe it's wrong to think that if I had people in my life who I knew I could consistently rely on, then things wouldn't be so bad, that I'd have a chance at beating this thing. But at the same time, I know depression is very much an internal battle, and that I could have everything I wanted in the world and still be as equally miserable as I am now.

I guess looking back, a lot has actually changed in the past few years than my brain would have me believe. For once, I'm actually in a good position to make life changes that would hopefully have a positive impact on my mental health. I have my own health insurance so I am capable of paying for meds/therapy. I paid off my student loans last year. I've made extremely good strides at my workplace and finally have some relevant work experience in my line of field. I'm in a financially good place to be able to move out of my family's house and afford my own place. Moving out would create a situationally good time to come out to my family; it would let me get over one of the biggest mental hurdles I have with coming out and learning to be okay with myself. I feel like I've endured a lot in my life, and the stage is finally set for me to move on with life. But I'm just so stuck in my ways--stuck in the past--that I feel ashamed and embarrassed to know that I know the steps to take to improve my life, to know that I'm in a good place in my life where I can actually take those steps, yet for whatever reason I can't seem to force myself to actually take action and do something. But I guess that's depression for ya.

I hope it's not unreasonable to want to have people to support us in our darkest moments. It's a really lonely feeling otherwise. And I start to think: if I can't even think of a single person who I can turn to when it all gets to be too much for me, then what's the point of even living then? Does that make me codependent? Crazy? Maybe both. It's just been a lifetime's worth of battling with depression. And instead of feeling proud for all the adversity I've had to overcome, I just feel tired, alone, and miserable.

Maybe one of these days I'll be able to look back on this post and feel differently about it all. Or maybe the depression would have sucked me further into despair.

It's been a particularly rough week and I just needed to vent.

 

[opticalmace]

Just wanted to let y'all know that I try to read your posts, even if I don't respond much. My depression is gone for the moment but it comes and goes and wasn't that long ago that I was feeling despair.

I think it's good that you guys/gals post, even if you don't have much to say.

 

[Xe4]

It's been a while since I posted in this thread. Life is going. Still dealing with crippling depression, but I'm dealing with it the best that I think I can. I swear, I'm going to pass my classes if it kills me. I don't think I'll ever be "ok" ever again, and I've come to acknowledge it, but I do think I can make the best of a bad situation by working my hardest to combat my depression. We'll see, I suppose.

I'll try to be more active in this threat, but we'll see how that goes.

 

[callmedave]

Anyone gone off their medication on purpose to see if it really did anything? I'm kinda drunk right now, probably the only way id talk about my issues on a forum, but my insurance ran out at the beginning of the year and i had a 6 month prescription for what ever the generic for Welbutrin is. I probably could afford it even without the insurance, but i just needed to know if it was some bullshit placebo affecting me, i don't know why it matters so much to me.

I made a good deal of progress last year, saw a counselor for a while, took a few meds to see what worked and moved my life forwards a bit, was in a relationship for the first time in a while. Now, I feel like i'm dwelling more on bullshit, the failed relationship which I should have moved on from now but I still think of her, and that motivation-less ineptitude, I seriously wasted my Saturday looking at neogaf and thinking of things to do, fuck procrastination. First time in this thread, feels good ranting a bit.

 

[Royal_Phalanx]

I fuck up every friendship/relationship I can because of my bad social skills, don't know why I carry on tbh. I feel desperately alone. Someone told me on Facebook messenger that she clearly sees that I have mental health issues based on what I recently said and bluntly said I should go to therapy.

 

[Hermii]

I fuck up every friendship/relationship I can because of my bad social skills, don't know why I carry on tbh. I feel desperately alone. Someone told me on Facebook messenger that she clearly sees that I have mental health issues based on what I recently said and bluntly said I should go to therapy.

Did she say it in a respectful way? It could be at least one person cares about you and trying to help.

 

[Son Of D]

I'm honestly close to wanting to leave this forum. It's hurting my mental state more than it should. I know I shouldn't let what people here say get to me but my mind is so unstable and fragile that I can't avoid it.

I'm probably just shouting into the void right now but I fear that I'm one step away from doing something drastic. I know I'll not come back to this thread out of fear of responses.

I honestly want to die.

 

[Jazzem]

I'm honestly close to wanting to leave this forum. It's hurting my mental state more than it should. I know I shouldn't let what people here say get to me but my mind is so unstable and fragile that I can't avoid it.

I'm probably just shouting into the void right now but I fear that I'm one step away from doing something drastic. I know I'll not come back to this thread out of fear of responses.

I honestly want to die.

PM'd you, hope what I sent helps I think anyone in this thread here to help would agree we can let ourselves be our own harshest critics, especially when we fuel our thought processes with cruel rhetoric seen online. In reality though, anyone capable of empathy would be far more forgiving and understanding of the struggles you and many face.

 

[Samurai G0SU]

I fuck up every friendship/relationship I can because of my bad social skills, don't know why I carry on tbh. I feel desperately alone. Someone told me on Facebook messenger that she clearly sees that I have mental health issues based on what I recently said and bluntly said I should go to therapy.

It might have came across like something mean, but some people do not know how to tell a person they care other than being blunt.

My take: If you can see that you sabotage your relationships on purpose, then perhaps you should seek some counseling to help you understand why, and hopefully come to a conclusion on self-help. Perhaps you believe you feel as if you don't deserve friendships/relationships because of how you feel about yourself. we are all worthy of happiness, love, laughter and more. I, myself am learning this more right now as i have weekly sessions with my therapist. If you have an opportunity to talk to a therapist, i'd say go for it.

Good luck.

 

[EchoChamber]

I decided that I need to go to a psychologist, but I don't know how to explain it to my parents how I feel without making them feel bad

 

[RoyaleDuke]

My mom is still trying to get my Dad not to leave us and he's "on the fence".

whatever the fuck that means with him right now.

I made some money getting rid of things I didn't want to get rid of just short of my PC since I need it for all kinds of things.

It wasn't much but it helps, someone on GAF gave us money for our food budget which just continues to build my faith in the goodness that exists within this community because I don't know where I would be without all of you guys sometimes.

I think about Pample and -NiGHT, I made a dedication spot just for -NiGHT in my book The Tartarus Syndrome, because I remember reading some of his posts and seeing him around in Gaming and OT and was shocked when he took his life.

The number of suicides lately have been getting to me. I feel shame for wanting a way out like that, even given all my problems and the situation.

I am fighting as much as I can, it is hard and I am trying to take it one hour at a time let alone a day.

 

[Violet_0]

have you looked into charities that provide food, RoyaleDuke? You shouldn't ever go hungry for any extended period of time

and honestly, you should look into ways of breaking out of that cycle. My younger brother is in a sort of similar limbo, just sitting in his flat and playing MMOs all week long. The situation hasn't changed for a few years now despite him traveling to Japan for several months once. He goes to his psychologist once a week and gets financial help from the government after getting himself declared unfit for work due to depression, but he doesn't have the drive to do anything to escape the hole he dug himself into. No hobbies, not interest in studying something, nada. Just sleeping, sitting in front of the computer and weed. It never gets any better if one isn't willing to take the first steps

 

[verbatimo]

Thinking about my own suicide today at work. Thinking about all my friends who have their own careers and families and i feel like rock bottom. Wondering if Pamplemousse is in peace and if i die would i have the same feeling of peace too. Don't know what it is about my that gives me such horrid luck in this world, but i just want to end it all. I've already know where and how planned out. Would be nice to die and not have to wake up to my life anymore. i wish i had the strength and courage to jump in front of a subway train or something like that. sucks to be reminded life hates me everyday. if there is any god i hope he or she grants me the strength and courage to die tomorrow.

Fate-comrade. I have same feelings. Work is only thing that I have some routine in my life and gaming as a hobby has kept me busy.
but
I don't see a reason to live anymore. I have lost to will to live.
Weekends are the worst. Only contacts I have is my parents and my brother and I call them few times a month. Other than that nobody calls or ask me for a drink or a movie. I'm now on summer vacation. I could be dead next day and it could take weeks before someone would notice a thing. Living alone, no friends no relationship. I'm soon mid thirties and I have begin to accept that I'm never going to have my own family.
I have visited psychiatrist few times and couple of years I have taken Voxra antidepressant, but I think those won't work for me anymore. Depressing thought are winning. Suicidal thought are in my mind constantly. I don't think I'm going to live much longer.

 

[RoyaleDuke]

have you looked into charities that provide food, RoyaleDuke? You shouldn't ever go hungry for any extended period of time

and honestly, you should look into ways of breaking out of that cycle. My younger brother is in a sort of similar limbo, just sitting in his flat and playing MMOs all week long. The situation hasn't changed for a few years now despite him traveling to Japan for several months once. He goes to his psychologist once a week and gets financial help from the government after getting himself declared unfit for work due to depression, but he doesn't have the drive to do anything to escape the hole he dug himself into. No hobbies, not interest in studying something, nada. Just sleeping, sitting in front of the computer and weed. It never gets any better if one isn't willing to take the first steps

Still looking into it, because I can't get another commodities box from the food bank for another week.

fortunately, a kindly gaffer donated some money to my mother and I which is incredible really since it should help for the next two weeks.

 

[Dawg]

I just want to share this since I think it's just really bizarre.

A few weeks ago I posted on here about how my thoughts were acting up real bad. I was having dark, depressing thoughts basically all day long. I remember sitting on my bed all day, browsing the internet and not doing anything else. I hadn't felt that bad since I started taking my meds. I was depressed, obsessional, had zero appetite and just wanted to end it all.

The worst part was that I had a vacation coming up. Ten days in Asia with a friend of mine. People here who have suffered from severe depression probably know you have zero motivation and zero interesting in talking to people.

As expected, during the day, the vacation was hell. I kept thinking about my obsessions, I had no real interest in doing stuff and my friend probably noticed that. I actually remember making suicide plans. Telling myself I'd end it all when I would arrive home. It was that bad.

The only time I felt good was at night, when we would go drinking. After a few beers and heavier alcohol, my depression would disappear, anxiety couldn't get to me anymore and I basically felt relieved. I longed for those times. But as you can expect, it only made the next day that much harder when the alcohol was out of my body and everything returns. I was so happy when it was time to go back home. So I could drop the act and go back to doing nothing.

When I came home, I decided something. I'm done with medication. I'm done with the side-effects and the endless doubts about the medication working or not. I took 100mg zoloft on a daily basis and I just quit it cold turkey. I didn't care anymore. I knew full well how bad the next days would be.

But then something happened. When I decided I would no longer be a slave to my thoughts and a slave to medication, something seemed to have changed within me. It was like I accepted my mental illness. I accepted my flaws and I accepted the fact it might always be like this.

All of that was about a month ago. I haven't taken zoloft since then. I'm much more motivated at work, I'm much more social, I am able to focus again and the thoughts haven't bothered me since that day. I'm honestly not sure what is happening with me right now. I feel stronger and I am glad I was able to quit Zoloft (I hated the side-effects) because it's a great feeling when you no longer feel bound to medication.

At the same time, I still worry. The difference between the current me and the me from a month ago is enormous. The fact I am able to make a 180 like that isn't normal. Am I just living a positive episode right now? Waiting till the next negative one appears?

But perhaps the strangest thing of it all... I had zero problems coming off Zoloft. I expected hell but what I got was my normal self back.

Mental illness is one hell of a ride.

 

[neojubei]

After watching many suicide videos and documentaries i wonder if its a matter of time with me. Not strong enough to jump off a bridge or in front of a train, but i know its going to happen sooner or later.

 

[Baroquemantic]

It's definitely just a matter of time for me. Only reason I haven't yet is because I don't know of a painless way to do it. I'm pretty much just hoping and praying every night before I go to sleep that I don't wake up in the morning.

 

[Mully]

Well I'm now suffering from Lexapro withdrawal. I cut the last two pills I have in half and it's not working at all.

I'm seeing double, I have a massive headache, and I'm so nauseous. I'm also in a huge fog and I can't think straight. My doctor and his secretary are still not in the office. No one is picking up the phone.

My boss is on my back at work and I need these pills to keep my mind focused.

I have no clue what to do beyond wait for the doctor to return and hope for the best.

 

[neojubei]

I think I'm done with life. All I've wanted was a good job or career meet someone nice and have my own house or condo. Now it seems impossible like it's not available to me as it is for others. Never had a boyfriend ever in my life even when I put myself out there I fail. Failed in so many aspects of my life. Am I forced to live this life I don't want? I'm tired of people downplaying suicide. If it's a way out why can't I take it. You know sometimes for some people it doesn't get better. That's been my experience. I'm going to pray to god to help me end it tomorrow.