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[JigglesBunny]

It's definitely just a matter of time for me. Only reason I haven't yet is because I don't know of a painless way to do it. I'm pretty much just hoping and praying every night before I go to sleep that I don't wake up in the morning.

I think I'm done with life. All I've wanted was a good job or career meet someone nice and have my own house or condo. Now it seems impossible like it's not available to me as it is for others. Never had a boyfriend ever in my life even when I put myself out there I fail. Failed in so many aspects of my life. Am I forced to live this life I don't want? I'm tired of people downplaying suicide. If it's a way out why can't I take it. You know sometimes for some people it doesn't get better. That's been my experience. I'm going to pray to god to help me end it tomorrow.

Both of you, please, hang on. I have no idea why I decided to pop into the thread tonight but I'm hoping this reaches you in time to mean something. I've been in this place. This is the lowest you can get, really - everything seems so hopeless. Depression, anxiety, it's always a chore of course, but eventually you hit a wall and nothing around you seems to help pull you out from the abyss. It's hell, I know it. Giving up and letting the darkness creep in seems like the best option, but that's not the answer for you. That's never the answer, for any of us.

I have no idea who the people behind the screens are, all I know is merely from the posts I've seen with those avatars to the left, but you both believe me, there is so much more than this. I know you may be wondering when things get better. I know you spend your nights wishing the morning never came, wishing that someone or something would take you out of the hell your mind is in and make things quiet, but the silence is so much worse. Whether you know or believe it, the world will be so much worse without you here. You may not know the purpose of your lives yet, some of us wait longer than others to find out, but it's out there and believe me, it's coming.

If for a single second either of you, or anyone in this thread, or lurking, or whoever - if for a single second you believe that you won't be missed, you're wrong. You're so insanely wrong. GAF is a large place. Hell, the world is much larger. But seeing those avatars on this page, it lets me know how much I would miss it if I could never see them again, if I could never read the words you type, the thoughts you have and share with us so often - I'm not ready to let go of either of you. I'm not ready to let go of anyone. But don't stay for me, some random guy on a forum, stay for yourselves. Stay here knowing that things will be worth it when the darkness finally lets up.

The only way out of the pain in this life is through it. We conquer the darkness, we fight for our tomorrow and we spend every second wishing for a better life - and it will come. Believe me, as someone lucky enough to endure long enough for that life to come, as someone who has watched so many friends succeed in surviving the pain, only to wake up to a better tomorrow, know that the light is on its way to you. Please, stick around to see it. The only way into the light is through the darkness.

 

[Ticoman]

Hate having sleep issues. That used to be my only escape. Anxiety feeds my sleeplessness, which turns into depression, which then feeds my anxiety. God damn viscous circle. I've broken it before, but sometimes I wonder if I should even try. Life hasn't turned out the way I planned. Even after doing everything I was told. Never thought I would be at this point, but shit feels bleak.

 

[half a moon]

Anyone contemplating suicide notice "a rope ends it" is a anagram for "desperation" and "cosmic tedium i" for "commit suicide". Feels like a cruel joke.

 

[Pixeluh]

I have been struggling with anxiety since I was 11 and recently stress and depression for a couple of years. I've been very weary of getting help because my mother relies so heavily on medication just to function... However, the stress and anxiety is wearing me down a lot. I've been thinking about trying to get some help, finally, and will be trying to make an appointment with a physicist to find something that will work for me.

I'm scared to see how much more I will wear down because of the anxiety, depression and stress. I have so many nights where I can't sleep without having a panic attack first and I'm so sick of it. I don't even know why I'm anxious or depressed, or why my body gets stressed out so easily.

Will getting help actually help me? I do not want to be someone that can't life without medication, like my mother.

 

[MooMoo]

I have been struggling with anxiety since I was 11 and recently stress and depression for a couple of years. I've been very weary of getting help because my mother relies so heavily on medication just to function... However, the stress and anxiety is wearing me down a lot. I've been thinking about trying to get some help, finally, and will be trying to make an appointment with a physicist to find something that will work for me.

I'm scared to see how much more I will wear down because of the anxiety, depression and stress. I have so many nights where I can't sleep without having a panic attack first and I'm so sick of it. I don't even know why I'm anxious or depressed, or why my body gets stressed out so easily.

Will getting help actually help me? I do not want to be someone that can't life without medication, like my mother.

In can be a long, rough journey in finding the right cocktail of meds that'll help you, but at the same time it's definitely the right step forward. I think this analogy gets tossed around a lot but I also think it's a decent one: you wouldn't tell someone suffering from cancer to just get better on their own; they have to take meds/chemo in order to get better. Likewise, there's no reason for you to not try medications to help you with your mental health. The alternative is to kind of brute force through it like you currently are, and short of magically managing to snap out of it, well, it's a not so great alternative don't you think? If your concern is reliance on medications to function normally, then don't try to be too apprehensive about the idea. Because hey, if meds are what it takes to stop having anxiety/depression/stress and to have actual restful nights, then that's great for you! If you're worried about becoming addicted because you have a history of substance abuse or because of the financial costs, then I guess that's an entirely separate discussion. You mentioned your mother, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but is there something in particular about her use of medication that bothers you? There's a lot of potential good to come out of taking meds. At the same time, there's no guarantee it'll help, but it's certainly better than trying nothing at all. Anywho, I hope your appointment with your psychiatrist (and not physicist; maybe you'll discover gravity is fake or something ) goes well!

Also, really sorry to read the series of suicidal posts above. Heart goes out to you guys. It's a tiring fight and I know a lot of days feel like absolute crap and sometimes it's hard to manage even the simplest things in life. So best wishes, and I hope you guys stay safe.

 

[jb1234]

A really bad flare has started, two days before I'm scheduled to go on a short trip. As usual, that means I'll have to cancel. All I do is disappoint people. Not that I was particularly eager to watch someone half my age get married, just reminding me of how empty my life really is. When it hurts this bad, all I can think about is how much easier it would be if I were dead. All my suffering would end. All the disappointment would fade away, how I'll never fall in love, be independent, have my career back, live without pain, be able to travel, move on with life while everyone else does. That's all people do, move on. And I fill my time doing shit like video games that ultimately just makes me more miserable because it's not what I really want to be doing and can't.

My legs hurt so bad. My back is stabbing. My hips. My shoulders, feet. It all hurts so bad. I wanted to die before my birthday next month. I probably will. It'll be okay.

 

[Pixeluh]

In can be a long, rough journey in finding the right cocktail of meds that'll help you, but at the same time it's definitely the right step forward. I think this analogy gets tossed around a lot but I also think it's a decent one: you wouldn't tell someone suffering from cancer to just get better on their own; they have to take meds/chemo in order to get better. Likewise, there's no reason for you to not try medications to help you with your mental health. The alternative is to kind of brute force through it like you currently are, and short of magically managing to snap out of it, well, it's a not so great alternative don't you think? If your concern is reliance on medications to function normally, then don't try to be too apprehensive about the idea. Because hey, if meds are what it takes to stop having anxiety/depression/stress and to have actual restful nights, then that's great for you! If you're worried about becoming addicted because you have a history of substance abuse or because of the financial costs, then I guess that's an entirely separate discussion. You mentioned your mother, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but is there something in particular about her use of medication that bothers you? There's a lot of potential good to come out of taking meds. At the same time, there's no guarantee it'll help, but it's certainly better than trying nothing at all. Anywho, I hope your appointment with your psychiatrist (and not physicist; maybe you'll discover gravity is fake or something ) goes well!

Oops, that was a typo! When my mother doesn't take her anxiety medication its like a switch flips in her and she gets kinda crazy? It's like she is not the same person at all, she can't function or interact with her family without going off of the deep end. That is what scares me.

However if it can help me live life a little bit better, I think I will consider taking medication. I have been exercising for about 8 months now and while it helps a little bit, it is not enough for me. I would love to be able to get a full nights rest, be a little bit happier and stress free. I'm glad I found this thread!

 

[neojubei]

Wished I could have jumped in front of the train today. I wanted to so badly. Just me standing there waiting for my moment and I let the train past me. Now I come home to find gel spilled in my bag and my favorite pen is gone and a hole in my bag. Thanks life. I guess I can always kill myself tomorrow or at least keep trying until I find he strength to do it.

 

[MooMoo]

A really bad flare has started, two days before I'm scheduled to go on a short trip. As usual, that means I'll have to cancel. All I do is disappoint people. Not that I was particularly eager to watch someone half my age get married, just reminding me of how empty my life really is. When it hurts this bad, all I can think about is how much easier it would be if I were dead. All my suffering would end. All the disappointment would fade away, how I'll never fall in love, be independent, have my career back, live without pain, be able to travel, move on with life while everyone else does. That's all people do, move on. And I fill my time doing shit like video games that ultimately just makes me more miserable because it's not what I really want to be doing and can't.

My legs hurt so bad. My back is stabbing. My hips. My shoulders, feet. It all hurts so bad. I wanted to die before my birthday next month. I probably will. It'll be okay.

Sorry to hear you're in so much pain. I think it's hard enough just dealing with the mental part of depression, but I can't imagine having to also deal with the physical pain of fibromyalgia (I think that's what I recall you having?) on top of everything else. Really sorry man =(

This is probably old news by now, but I remember you mentioning you were doing some sort of collaboration/piece for a friend. How'd that turn out?

Oops, that was a typo! When my mother doesn't take her anxiety medication its like a switch flips in her and she gets kinda crazy? It's like she is not the same person at all, she can't function or interact with her family without going off of the deep end. That is what scares me.

However if it can help me live life a little bit better, I think I will consider taking medication. I have been exercising for about 8 months now and while it helps a little bit, it is not enough for me. I would love to be able to get a full nights rest, be a little bit happier and stress free. I'm glad I found this thread!

Someone else might be better at speaking to their experiences, but in general the side effects of meds will vary wildly from person to person. So it can definitely be scary/shocking to see how people are like when they miss a dose, but that doesn't mean that's how it'll be like for you too. If you work closely with your psychiatrist to figure out what works/what doesn't, I think you'll be okay. It's definitely a process though. Glad to hear that exercising is helping you! Sometimes it's the little things that help us keep it together in life, even if they aren't necessarily the end-all-be-all solutions to our mental health problems.

 

[Violet_0]

Wished I could have jumped in front of the train today. I wanted to so badly. Just me standing there waiting for my moment and I let the train past me. Now I come home to find gel spilled in my bag and my favorite pen is gone and a hole in my bag. Thanks life. I guess I can always kill myself tomorrow or at least keep trying until I find he strength to do it.

have you considered getting yourself institutionalized? Do you go to therapy, are you completely honest with your counselor? Exhaust every other option you can possibly think of. It's my believe that there's never an end of the line or a point of no return, what you perceive as such one moment may altogether change with a different outlook. Don't let some corners of your mind deceive you into thinking that no, that's it, and it can't possibly get any better ever. Be rational. You're in control of your own well-being, at any given moment there are myriads of possibilities, opportunities, roads you can take. Your life isn't a one-way street

 

[VitalNerve]

Is there anyone I can PM? Need to talk about something but can't make a post

 

[MooMoo]

Is there anyone I can PM? Need to talk about something but can't make a post

Not sure how much I can help, but I don't mind listening to what's on your mind.

 

[redlegs87]

Is there anyone I can PM? Need to talk about something but can't make a post

Sent you a pm if you feel like responding.

 

[Daria]

saw my theraphist yesterday for the first time in a few months. opened up a bit more about some of my more daunting issues that weigh on me and i haven't felt as good as i did when i walked out in a long time. now it's time to keep the motivation up and continue next week.

 

[Anung]

I've only got 2 psychodynamic therapy sessions left so finishing that is scaring the living fuck out of me. It doesn't feel like it's done anything other than force all my bottled up emotions out into the open where I'm struggling to deal with them. I feel worse off than when I started.

Suicidal thoughts are basically the norm now with any moment of quiet being an outlier. I wish there was an easy way to kill myself.

 

[neojubei]

have you considered getting yourself institutionalized? Do you go to therapy, are you completely honest with your counselor? Exhaust every other option you can possibly think of. It's my believe that there's never an end of the line or a point of no return, what you perceive as such one moment may altogether change with a different outlook. Don't let some corners of your mind deceive you into thinking that no, that's it, and it can't possibly get any better ever. Be rational. You're in control of your own well-being, at any given moment there are myriads of possibilities, opportunities, roads you can take. Your life isn't a one-way street

thousands of people commit suicide each year, what makes my life so important to live when all my problems will go away when i am dead?

 

[Booker Dewitt]

Just got into a row with my brother about the living arrangements we have, and I really wish i could just do it.

People told me I what get better if I came back to Florida, and so far all I got was a bunch of material possessions, condescension, and constant reminders of all the failures my decisions have brought.

 

[JackDT]

The mind is so weird. When you are in the exact same circumstances that you *thought* were the reason for your misery, but in those same circumstances you feel okay, it's super clear just how much is in your head. It's like, wait, *that* was why I thought I felt so bad? LOL.

Glitchy-ass neural networks.

Please nobody jump in front of trains. Keep trying doctors/psychiatrists/techniques/whatever. When you find one that works you'll look back on how you felt so differently. I know it's so difficult to see that but it's so damn weird when it happens.

 

[Blackquill]

Argued with people on the internet about how much I complain about my life because I still make the mistake to talk to people about my problems but on the other hand that's the only way to talk about my problems. My therapist is useless and I don't want to see my parents suffering because of me anymore.

But the thing I want the most is a way, even a clue, on how to get rid of this fucking depression, I'm more than ready to do all the work even if it takes years, being clueless about it is horrible. I already wasted 7 years of my life because of it and I don't want to lose anymore time because of that

 

[shawnbuddy]

Does anyone else have to do a kind of weird dance around suicidal thoughts with their therapist or counselor? I start to open up to her about being suicidal, and as soon as I get specific she warns me that she's legally required to hospitalize me if I'm too concrete. So I pull back because I don't want to be hospitalized. Then I get relaxed and get more honest, I get the warning, I pull back.

Doesn't really seem productive or honest.

I told her my two specific suicide plans without her locking me up.

The first is jumping off a parking garage at the local hospital. It's ten stories high, it's easy to walk to the edge, their's no guard up there to stop you and from my research it's high enough. The only offputting factor is that it's at a hospital and I'm afraid they'll save me through some medical miracle. Frankly, it's not a very good hospital, though, so the chances of that are slim.

The second requires cash, but whenever I get paid I realize that I have enough in my pocket to buy a shotgun and a box of shells at Wal-Mart. I could just shoot myself in the parking lot. I've window-shopped for shotguns, they're not that expensive and there's no background check or waiting period or anything where I live. The drawback on this one is again, survivability. I've been watching the Preacher TV show and I don't want to end up like Eugene.

 

[Magwik]

Coming back to work after a vacation has got the be the most brutal and soul crushing experience possible.

It's nothing but a reminder of how miserable you actually are.

I don't know if I just am caught on a bad day or what, but this is the exact feeling I had before I lost my job late last year.

 

[Secret Fawful]

It's always fun how I'm able to wear my friends down until they give up on me altogether due to my depression.

 

[redlegs87]

It's always fun how I'm able to wear my friends down until they give up on me altogether due to my depression.

I completely get this. Sure friends should be there for you but I also get that people can only handle so much. When the sharing and negativity becomes one-sided it can sour the relationship. I've had to make a conscious effort to be more positive when I am around them. Doing that had helped me just be positive more often.

 

[jb1234]

Sorry to hear you're in so much pain. I think it's hard enough just dealing with the mental part of depression, but I can't imagine having to also deal with the physical pain of fibromyalgia (I think that's what I recall you having?) on top of everything else. Really sorry man =(

This is probably old news by now, but I remember you mentioning you were doing some sort of collaboration/piece for a friend. How'd that turn out?

Composition has pretty much stopped due to my symptoms. That and I'm just not feeling particularly inspired these days. I do find myself playing a lot of Final Fantasy tunes on the piano, though. Thanks for reading.

 

[Secret Fawful]

I completely get this. Sure friends should be there for you but I also get that people can only handle so much. When the sharing and negativity becomes one-sided it can sour the relationship. I've had to make a conscious effort to be more positive when I am around them. Doing that had helped me just be positive more often.

At this point, I've realized I have to accept who I am, do what I want, and everyone else can get behind me.

 

[redlegs87]

At this point, I've realized I have to accept who I am, do what I want, and everyone else can get behind me.

That is one way to go about it. I myself don't like having to make new groups of friends every year or so.

 

[Bigboss242]

Not contemplating suicide but I'm going to get the ball rolling on a DNR/ do not revive set up.

 

[Magwik]

It's always fun how I'm able to wear my friends down until they give up on me altogether due to my depression.

I can one up ya
It's always fun needing someone to talk to about everything in your head, then realizing they are all gone because of you, all of these people who loved and wanted to help you, are gone because of how badly I've fucked up, so then it all just gets worse. And the desperation to reach out to someone gets worse, so all you can do is post thinly veiled cries for help on a message board.

 

[Blackquill]

It's always fun how I'm able to wear my friends down until they give up on me altogether due to my depression.

I completely understand what you say si I prefer to say everything on a message board with strangers than wearing down my family, I already tried to talk about it to my mother ans it made her feel very bad so not again

Just called a therapist agency to get a new therapist and everything is expansive so I'm stuck with my older therapist who is way cheapest but not efficient at all, I really don't know what to do

 

[Gin-Shiio]

Just to give some background, I suffer from OCD and have been diagnosed sometime in April. I have been fighting with myself for a long time, but as of late my illness has become particularly impairing.

So my question for fellow members being troubled in the same way, how do you deal with your head essentially overheating from having to think everything over twice or thrice? By the time I came home last night, I felt so incredibly exhausted, not from a long day, but the constant battle with myself. I have gotten better at telling myself "No, I don't need to double check this", but the toll it takes on me can still be overbearing.

I appreciate every word of advice. This is my first post here, and I think it is great we have this kind of community here on NeoGAF.

 

[Menthuss]

Been having a lot of varying moods lately. Sometimes I feel confident and even happy, other times I feel like I'm back to where I was 6 months ago.
Had some weird thoughts earlier today: If I ever found myself in a relationship with someone where I was actually happy, the idea of breaking up with her just so I could deny myself happiness felt oddly intriguing. It's like I want to dangle a carrot on a stick in front of my own face and right as I'm about to grab it, I toss the whole stick away. Like I feel the need to punish myself for even thinking that I deserve happiness. I guess it's a good thing that I haven't had any success with dating at all so far because I'm probably not even mentally fit for a relationship.

 

[Anung]

Docs upped my Citalopram dose to 40mg and gave me loads of diazepams. That'll do.

 

[Booker Dewitt]

I think I should try improv comedy lessons.

 

[RoyaleDuke]

Everything sucks, my dad hasn't come back and I don't think he is. :/

I don't know what to keep telling people on GAF when things just keep getting worse, I'm getting worse, my health.

I just want to be happy and successful and not wanting to die every minute of my life.

Is it so wrong? I mean I'm not some kind of monster, but life seems to be treating me like one.

 

[shawnbuddy]

Everything sucks, my dad hasn't come back and I don't think he is. :/

I don't know what to keep telling people on GAF when things just keep getting worse, I'm getting worse, my health.

I just want to be happy and successful and not wanting to die every minute of my life.

Is it so wrong? I mean I'm not some kind of monster, but life seems to be treating me like one.

You're not a monster. You're not wrong to want to be happy. I hope things get better for you soon.

 

[Violet_0]

thousands of people commit suicide each year, what makes my life so important to live when all my problems will go away when i am dead?

I'm an atheist. My life is all I've got, so I intend to make the most out of it. The problems might cease to exists but so do I. I'm not terminally ill, I don't suffer from constant physical pain, I'm healthy, I'm not disfigured, why throw it all away? What could I suffer from that that couldn't be fixed? I don't believe anyone is destined to be miserable forever because of some cruel cosmic joke. Thing is, I also don't really know what it's like to live with depression, or at least it affects me in different ways

 

[TheExhaustedWalrus]

Lately I've been feeling useless and lazy, even though I really haven't been.

I'm a college student who lives at home (currently 21) and I have 3 part-time jobs that keep me busy. However, I sometimes go a while without work and for some reason, I feel guilty when I relax. When i try to read, game, watch something, etc., I feel like I'm wasting time. When I do those things, I'm always thinking about how I could be doing something else. I realize this is anxiety, and I meditate to try and combat it, but I can't shake the feeling. I'm also stressed about graduating next year and finding a full-time job. Living with my parents is fine but makes me feel like I'm behind everyone I know, even though most of them are in school too and have to take on full-time jobs to pay rent. Some don't even go to school and wait tables just to make rent.

I don't know why I feel empty, though. I don't get a lot of enjoyment out of anything anymore, and due to the constant worrying, I can't concentrate when I am.

Last year, one of my closest friends killed himself out of nowhere, and I feel like that changed me. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about it, and most of the time I'm acting when I'm really sad. I just want security and hope for the future, because right now I just don't know. I have conflicting feelings about everything, and I just feel like I'm never doing enough or not staying busy all the time like people expect me to. This constant worry about being busy and working is driving me crazy. I don't know how to get out, but I'm by no means suicidal. I just want to have an aim for my life.

I've never posted in this thread, but I didn't know where to go. I just needed to get this off my chest.

 

[Poppy]

i cant tell if this recent insomnia is a result of:

1. a precursor to or evidence of a submanic episode (not likely because when those happen i actually get productive and am very affectionate to people and i dont want anything to do with anyone right now)

2. it is hot out and having the window open is loud and my cats have been active and it bothers me

3. effect of not using weed which seems unlikely because i wasnt really hitting it all that hard and usually i only get one night of insomnia after taking a break, at most

4. basic ass average depressive episode that makes me hate the thought of having to sleep because then i have to get up and go to work

but what i do know is, it is annoying

 

[jobber]

sigh...

I finally fell in love and then my gf just randomly dumps me out of no where. Like no explanation given and blocks my number so I can't contact her. (I didn't do anything to cause this btw)
So I'm all wtf that that shit then the lady that raised me from a kid died 2 days later.

I haven't been myself. I just find myself popping sleeping pills and watching anime I've seen all over again. I can't even bring myself to open sympathy cards or even turn my cell phone on.

At this point, life is taking everything away.

 

[Menthuss]

sigh...

I finally fell in love and then my gf just randomly dumps me out of no where. Like no explanation given and blocks my number so I can't contact her. (I didn't do anything to cause this btw)
So I'm all wtf that that shit then the lady that raised me from a kid died 2 days later.

I haven't been myself. I just find myself popping sleeping pills and watching anime I've seen all over again. I can't even bring myself to open sympathy cards or even turn my cell phone on.

At this point, life is taking everything away.

I'm sorry for your loss. Sounds like you're going through a rough time. If you feel like you need someone to talk to, feel free to send me a PM.

 

[Evil Monkey DTT]

Things suck

 

[Kwixotik]

.

 

[Media]

I wanted to share a song lyric because it really nailed it for me, and might for some of you too.

"When I chose to live
There was no joy, it's just a line I crossed
I wasn't worth the pain my death would cost
So I was not lost or found."

(After All, Dar Williams)

 

[half a moon]

The game seems to have been rigged against me since early chilhood. Cruel fucking world.

What really pisses me off is my Aunt told me at like age 25 she thought I had X disorder, the same/similar thing her son had who is around my age. Oh really? You spent 20+ years learning about, getting your son help, and it never ever crossed your mind until 20+ years later to mention you think I had it? You never discussed shit with my parents? Never wanted to alert me of anything as a kid to improve on? Bitch. Let's wait till hes 25 lololol when he can't do shit kek kek kek

 

[Common Knowledge]

I think I posted in this thread (or the previous one) once before about this, but I'm having such a major issue with OCD right now. It comes and goes in spurts, and right now it's bad again. Specifically, it's with intrusive thoughts. I have this immensely frustrating thing that when a horrible thought pops in my head, I must immediately do a check to make sure I didn't actually do the thing. To be specific with an example, I often have random thoughts about me posting bad stuff on Facebook and somehow I convince myself that I must check to make sure I haven't actually posted such a thing. And once I get myself into that cycle of checking, it could last up to hours on end of just repeatedly checking my Facebook until I successfully manage to "convince" myself no bad posts are there and I log out without another one popping up in the end. It's fucking stupid, pointless, and pathetic, but I can't stop myself from doing it.

And it's not just with that, either. I also have it with, say, damaging something expensive of mine like a video game console and having to check to make sure it's not damaged.

I've dealt with depression in prior years of varying levels of severity, but I'm doing fine on that front these days. I do have quite a bit of anxiety about job searching and starting my career, so maybe that's what is bringing this on. Being in high stress always seems to make my OCD worse, I've noticed.

Anybody here dealt with anything similar to this?

 

[Bluemongoose]

Time to join the pity parade. I'm seriously feeling sooo down. Hate my fucking job and some of the people I have to deal with. Hate my inability to impress people because I'm apparently such a fuck-up. I hate that I'm scared to drive. I hate that I'm scared. I kinda hope I get into a brawl at work tomorrow so I can finally dish it out instead of always having to dish it in. Yeah, i'm on meds and I emailed my therapist. Haven't heard back yet. Gonna email my shrink tomorrow morning before I do something stupid. Not suicidal per se but wouldn't mind eating a stray bullet.

Mully, Neojubei, Baromantiq. You guys feel better?

 

[Astral Dog]

I can one up ya
It's always fun needing someone to talk to about everything in your head, then realizing they are all gone because of you, all of these people who loved and wanted to help you, are gone because of how badly I've fucked up, so then it all just gets worse. And the desperation to reach out to someone gets worse, so all you can do is post thinly veiled cries for help on a message board.

It's always fun how I'm able to wear my friends down until they give up on me altogether due to my depression.

I completely get this. Sure friends should be there for you but I also get that people can only handle so much. When the sharing and negativity becomes one-sided it can sour the relationship. I've had to make a conscious effort to be more positive when I am around them. Doing that had helped me just be positive more often.

Talking about your thoughts and feelings is fine, but DON'T be that toxic friend that lowers the mood of the day everytime he or she speaks, never. Because there are so many that use their depression to manipulate others, making them miserable, or find unconditional 'support' because they are a friend, even far worse.

Now, some people are far more receptive and helpful than others, specially ones that went through depression and now are stronger and positive and knowledgeable, they will listen and give really helpful advice, but not everybody is like that, and aren't a psychologist or professional to deal with these problems.so the normal (and sometimes healthy) answer is to put distance.

But DONT GIVE UP, life is about sharing experiences, finding the right people to talk the right things, sorrounding yourself with positivity and becoming a stronger person by yourself.if you don't know how to do this .seek the right person just keep in mind it won't be easy, and always remember to keep moving forward, these people might no longer be your 'friends' but they tried to help you, be grateful for that and start valuing yourself.

 

[redlegs87]

My life relatively speaking has hit a high point as of late. It's crazy how much having a positive and supportive environment has changed the way I think about myself. For the longest time I was trained to not believe in my self and to feel helpless. It took me awhile to not feel weird when others talked about me in a positive manner which in retrospect is quite sad I had to get used to feeling good about that. Now I've been promoted twice in the last two months at work the momentum I'm building up feels like nothing I've felt before. Depression can fuck off, it might slow me down but it'll never derail me again.

I hope others in this thread can progress in their fight against their mental demons. If I can dig myself out of the whole that depression dug for me all these years I believe anyone can overcome it.

 

[Secret Fawful]

Talking about your thoughts and feelings is fine, but DON'T be that toxic friend that lowers the mood of the day everytime he or she speaks, never.

Too late. And taking the steps to change and be more positive wasn't enough to save myself this time, I don't think.

But DONT GIVE UP, life is about sharing experiences, finding the right people to talk the right things, sorrounding yourself with positivity and becoming a stronger person by yourself.if you don't know how to do this .seek the right person just keep in mind it won't be easy, and always remember to keep moving forward, these people might no longer be your 'friends' but they tried to help you, be grateful for that and start valuing yourself.

I value myself, but I still want to give up. I don't because I have no choice, but I don't really care. HEHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I'm already great, but even being great doesn't mean things are destined to work out. They're not.

 

[Astral Dog]

Too late. And taking the steps to change and be more positive wasn't enough to save myself this time, I don't think.



I value myself, but I still want to give up. I don't because I have no choice, but I don't really care. HEHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I think the post above is very helpful maybe try working to find a healthier environment? Don't be scared and Its not really about having lots of people around you or not, its about finding happiness by yourself, and thats only for you to be responsible


Edit: i mean your attitude is not giving me any confidence 😔