Sorry to hear that's getting you down, but you're dealing in absolutes here; there is a mid-way between being Adonis and a monster, and it's in that remarkably average belt that the overwhelming majority of us reside. It's really quite irrational for you to think that no one is ever going to remotely like you. Now, we're all cursed with the faces we're born with, but there are things we can do to get the best out of ourselves. If you need to lose weight or put some weight on, join a gym. If your skin's bad, see a dermatologist and research ways to better it. Perhaps dress differently, get a different haircut, grow/shave your facial hair. There are very few totally unattractive people at there, they're as rare if not rarer than 10/10s. Pretty much everyone can, with some work, get themselves looking quite nice. It's difficult to advise without knowing what specific self-criticisms you have, but I'm sure you're far from monstrous and it's just the way you're feeling making yourself hypercritical.
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Mental Health |OT2| - Light in the Darkness
- Thread starter Bagels
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Sorry to hear that's getting you down, but you're dealing in absolutes here; there is a mid-way between being Adonis and a monster, and it's in that remarkably average belt that the overwhelming majority of us reside. It's really quite irrational for you to think that no one is ever going to remotely like you. Now, we're all cursed with the faces we're born with, but there are things we can do to get the best out of ourselves. If you need to lose weight or put some weight on, join a gym. If your skin's bad, see a dermatologist and research ways to better it. Perhaps dress differently, get a different haircut, grow/shave your facial hair. There are very few totally unattractive people at there, they're as rare if not rarer than 10/10s. Pretty much everyone can, with some work, get themselves looking quite nice. It's difficult to advise without knowing what specific self-criticisms you have, but I'm sure you're far from monstrous and it's just the way you're feeling making yourself hypercritical.
Teriyaki Blues
Member
Sublimating desires into exercise and getting on antidepressants can really help with an overactive libido as well. In my experience, of course.
SynthFetish
Member
Not sleeping lately, maybe a couple hours a day.
My former step dad died of a heart attack last week. I hadn't seen the man in over a decade. Still, he spent a lot of years with my mother and us. A lot of fishing trips, lots of trips to amusement parks. For any flaws, he was still a part of my youth.
I don't know, I'm rambling. Trying not to shitpost again like was earlier in the week.
I feel like my depression is at a leveled off point, it's not gotten any better, but not much worse. I'm still terrified of going back on meds or seeing a doctor about how much I fucked up my stomach last year. Scared of finding a job again, fear of failure maybe.
My former step dad died of a heart attack last week. I hadn't seen the man in over a decade. Still, he spent a lot of years with my mother and us. A lot of fishing trips, lots of trips to amusement parks. For any flaws, he was still a part of my youth.
I don't know, I'm rambling. Trying not to shitpost again like was earlier in the week.
I feel like my depression is at a leveled off point, it's not gotten any better, but not much worse. I'm still terrified of going back on meds or seeing a doctor about how much I fucked up my stomach last year. Scared of finding a job again, fear of failure maybe.
Do you have insurance? Because the cost will be pretty high without it
Does general health insurance cover psychiatric stuff?
If you have an insurer call them up and ask them. Though when it comes to mine the information they have on file has been garbage. Half the ones they gave me aren't in the area anymore or don't accept their insurance anymore. There is one place in town I can go to but I really don't like the place as I've been there before but I might just have to cave and use them.
Had a mini break down last night as I thought I might have been losing a very important friend due to me being me. I calmed myself down after having a bit of a cry and txt'd them and sorted everything out but man feeling like you've fucked something up like that about made me have a full on panic attack.
Astral Dog
Member
i will say this, your problems wont magically go away if you become straight,you wont become another person. so whatever feelings that are making you feel sad right now are going to be there, what can i say to you anymore that life is harsh? that you should go and jump? NO, neojubei i care too much for that. you are here because you are a strong person.you are here because you are looking for help, and believe me that feeling of hapiness wont last even if you have a partner because your way of thinking has become too negative,
trust me, i am very unattractive. I don't think any type of gym or skin or hair care can help.
not looking to be straight just trying to find a way to block out all gay feelings.
Weekends are becoming so lonely, and it's hard to keep myself occupied not to think of my ex and my friends that I lost along with her.
I've spent the morning playing Overwatch, went and got coffee and read some comics, and took my dog for a walk in the park. I still feel incredibly lost and lonely. I keep checking on these same boring dating sites, but never see anyone that sparks my interest.
I've spent the morning playing Overwatch, went and got coffee and read some comics, and took my dog for a walk in the park. I still feel incredibly lost and lonely. I keep checking on these same boring dating sites, but never see anyone that sparks my interest.
tearsofash
Member
I didn't realize how much depression actually keeps your body tired. I've been trying to do some chores but i have to keep taking breaks cause I just keep feeling overwhelmed.
Yep that really is one of the effects of depression, you're not imagining it. It sucks. I'm honestly surprised I was able to keep myself motivated to go to the gym on a regular basis when my depression was a lot worse. Even my therapist at the time would say he didn't know how I was able to do that and was really impressed. Maybe he was just blowing smoke up my ass, I don't know.
I feel the same way. I don't bother even cleaning unless it's doing laundry.
chronic_archaic
Member
Don't. I know it can be hard striking out all the time but one thing I've noticed that's more pronounced in guys rather than girls is wide range of attraction. Even if you're not conventionally hot, there are tons of guys that would probably want to fuck you. My boyfriend is a big older bear whereas I'm nearly the stereotypical twink. Just keep trying even though that's much easier said I know.
As for me, I've gotten sorta better? Not really though. I still think I have a drug problem and don't want to admit anything sadly.
Thanks, I guess I'll check but knowing my luck I won't find shit. I hope talking to a professional will help. I never talk to anyone about how I feel or who I am, I'm a listener and usually people tell me their baggage. This might help me, I'm just afraid of not finding a good doctor.
You'll get there. I think I'm personally gonna take a break from the dating stuff after this (I have one date tonight). Id hate to fall into the clichéd "I need to work on myself" crap. But I think I learned the hard way that a relationship will not make me happy. I think working on what makes me unhappy will get me there. When I think about it, relying on another person for your happiness is a scary thing, but I've seen people insanely in love with each other and it's a beautiful thing. Happiness just exudes from them. But yeah all in all, if you feel shitty outside of a relationship, it will probably come to light while you're in one. It sucks because being depressedd completely robs you of any motivation or will, and you always feel weak (the storm cloud analogy is so accurate). I think if you're on here trying to find help then you're already on the right path. It just takes time for feelings to fade.
Yup, it just drains you. You literally stop caring about things you have to do.
NamelessMonk
Member
Thanks for this thread.
I hope that everyone who's coming here for help gets it. I was considering posting my own story here, but I'm still sort of unsure on if what I face is depression or me being stressed out.
I hope that everyone who's coming here for help gets it. I was considering posting my own story here, but I'm still sort of unsure on if what I face is depression or me being stressed out.
Managed to work up the courage to ask some old friends to hang out with me recently. I hadn't seen them in probably 10 years, and had barely any contact with them over that time. I always just assumed that they had their own lives and seeing me would just be a hassle so I never bothered reaching out, but I've felt so shitty recently and had nothing to lose so I did anyway. They agreed and even invited some others I hadn't seen in awhile too. We hung out last night and had a pretty good time catching up. It was almost like we were kids again chatting in the school lunch room like we used to. I really needed this. The loneliness that I've experienced over the past decade has been reaching a breaking point.
I guess my lesson here was to stop assuming that people want nothing to do with me. Sometimes all it takes to have people want to spend time with you is to just show that you want to spend time with them.
I guess my lesson here was to stop assuming that people want nothing to do with me. Sometimes all it takes to have people want to spend time with you is to just show that you want to spend time with them.
Yeah it can't hurt to check with them. Lately I can't tell if it's just my job making me so mentally tired or the depression...it's probably a mix of both. I've had very little energy for things since I started working and losing insurance and being off meds.
Make an appointment with a therapist so they can do what they do see if it's something minor or something that will need further visits. Yeah this thread is awesome sometimes I feel posts get ignored only because there are a glut of them and they aren't always the most cheerful. I hope you get things sorted out and if you decide to share your story I look forward to it.
Sectorseven
Member
Is it wrong to feel ashamed about being poor? Is that like a "justified" reason to feel shame?
Pamplemousse
Member
I know how you feel. That thread makes me so sad. Everyone is so attractive. I refuse to do it because I already know my ratings would be 2-3. Being ugly is the worst.
I don't know what really changed in me I mean I do care how attractive people think I look but really only those I know and any potential partners. Things like the rate thread I just don't really care what they have to say yes at first seeing low numbers hurts but then again all they really know about me is my looks. Personality goes a long way sure being good looking may make it easier to get a foot in the door with someone but never be discouraged.
i think i am losing it right now. i really should have never went into that thread. my whole mind is just attacking me right now. i deleted all the gay dating apps on my phone, like they do any good. im freaking fat ugly idiot that really should be alone forever. i can't take it, its like my mind is flooding of all the guys that had rejected me. i wish there was a peaceful way to die so i dont have to exist with this fat ugly body and face.
Take a deep breath in hold it for a few seconds and slowly exhale, rinse repeat until hopefully you can focus on that and come down. It helps me and I hope it could help you though I know it doesn't work for everyone. You are worth more than your looks and I do hope you can see that. Depression and loneliness can cloud your mind I get that and I do hope you can see through it eventually.
Pamplemousse
Member
You're not even ugly, though. I saw your pic. You're a cutie pie. My face looks like Palpatine's asshole.
User 479360
Banned
I shouldn't have posted mine, or at least brought it up again after it was ignored.
I consider myself to be about that anyways. It's just hard to read.
I tried my first Larazepam 1mg tonight, but laid down on the couch and fell asleep before it really took effect.
I consider myself to be about that anyways. It's just hard to read.
I tried my first Larazepam 1mg tonight, but laid down on the couch and fell asleep before it really took effect.
Hope it helps you. I hope everyone gets the help they need.
Eh. I got 3s and 4s in that thread. It's just another person's opinion. If it came from people who were gay, it could carry more weight with me (at least in terms of how attractive I am to other dudes) but either way, I'm not going to look pleasing to everyone and that's just the way it is. It's not worth beating myself up over. I look how I look.
chronic_archaic
Member
I feel that way. I had the initial expectation of having money for the rest of the year but now I'm completely broke and I hate it. It's probably a product of my depression honestly.
User 479360
Banned
Thanks
I got really tired when I laid down due to lack of sleep, and didn't really get to feel the effect of the pill. I passed out beforehand.
Not at all. It's a perfectly reasonable, totally human emotion to feel when faced with poor financial circumstances. I'm not in the best situation myself, and I feel shitty for it. But do I feel bad for feeling bad? No.
I may be resitting my exams, but still get the maintenance loan (no need to go into Uni, no class). This gives me the opportunity to get my CCNA, JLPT N3, and have time to work etc. And graduate in May. It would be so dope.
Ever since my Xbox One was stolen I haven't really been caring to get one back. I can finally work ag my own pace without BS distractions.
Ever since my Xbox One was stolen I haven't really been caring to get one back. I can finally work ag my own pace without BS distractions.
Freeza Under The Shower
Member
You are a fine looking gentleman, and I was expecting something much worse for neojubei (who is perfectly fine, just insecure). It's all in your head, and fat mass can be lost with diet and exercise.
On that topic though: I have come to believe (for myself at least) that carbs and lack of fibers directly influence how I feel (the gut is basically the emotional brain, if we assume that the brain simply processes how the gut feels), so it might be worthwhile to consider tuning down carb consumption in favor of fiber-filled vegetables and good fats.
And frankly, removing dating apps is probably a good idea because those are filled with assholes -and 90% bots- looking for 'perfect nines' and humiliating other people. Seriously, technology tends to favor psychopaths, so don't hang around them.
Yup. A lot of the way I feel is influenced both by depression and by the fact I'm a little more overweight than I want to be. The latter is difficult to change with my illness but I think I'm going to try harder, for the sake of my mental health. I'm not getting any younger.
tearsofash
Member
I guess I'm going to the hospital again tonight. I keep collapsing and running out of energy. The cogentin won't make the side effects of the latuda go away and I can't handle living in a homeless shelter when these stupid Parkinson's medicines barely work. I texted the suicide hotline last night so that was good. I probably won't be able to update much after tonight. Hopefully ill be fine.
Anyone had issue studying? Putting aside depression and anxiety about which I post from time to time (trouble falling alseep too), I got that mostly "covered" I just cant fucking study.
Ever since I graduated and started masters, or hell one or two exams before graduation I just cant get myself to study. I procrastinate doing anything at all and at night, like right now before bed while trying to fall asleep, I feel super disgusted, ashamed and mad at myself. It's not hard, there's not much of iy but I keep doing same shit every day until day before exam (got only tomorrow left, what a surprise) and then crying how i dont have enough time and I make plans to do better and I fucking did that since last November or something and about to fail whole year if o dont get a grip.
Anyone had similar issues? In past I just gathered enough will power to push me to study for a day or usually night before exam and I pass somehow but now I cant even muster that much..
Please, need help and I can't fail this.
Ever since I graduated and started masters, or hell one or two exams before graduation I just cant get myself to study. I procrastinate doing anything at all and at night, like right now before bed while trying to fall asleep, I feel super disgusted, ashamed and mad at myself. It's not hard, there's not much of iy but I keep doing same shit every day until day before exam (got only tomorrow left, what a surprise) and then crying how i dont have enough time and I make plans to do better and I fucking did that since last November or something and about to fail whole year if o dont get a grip.
Anyone had similar issues? In past I just gathered enough will power to push me to study for a day or usually night before exam and I pass somehow but now I cant even muster that much..
Please, need help and I can't fail this.
Freeza Under The Shower said:
Sorry for the late reply. I'm not sure whether anxiety attacks are differentiated from panic attacks, but for me derealization is a sort of anxiety attack rather than panic. My mind goes into fight or flight, yet is simultaneously paralyzed. My thoughts are racing, but fragmented or cyclic and not necessarily panicking about anything in particular. It feels as if I'm in a dream or like a fog separates me from my surroundings in a profoundly unpleasant way. Any interaction with people or things around me becomes extremely stressful and irritating. I become slow to react and disoriented. I've had more than a couple accidental minor wrecks or injuries due to this. It tends to come on in very crowded places, in vehicles, or at home in the evening and will last a few hours, typically until I'm able to fall asleep (which it makes difficult). The best thing I can do is lay alone in a dark room and wait. I guess I prefer solitude and darkness when in this state because there's minimal environment for the symptoms to be noticeable in relation to, but I still have to deal with the racing, jumbled thoughts.
I've had a rough time of it the past couple weeks. Got very depressed this weekend, probably as a result of it. I should be seeing my psych soon. He put me on Zoloft last time, but I haven't noticed much change for better or worse.
Booker Dewitt
Member
So I'm sitting outside my job right now on a count if missing my bus, I think I'm gonna quit. I'm pretty much doing everything I can to manage two jobs at a time, and I have no problem with my part time job, but my full time is wrecking me. They routinely schedule me for mid shifts on the weekends, knowing full well my schedule at my other job. Meaning that Friday morning, I leave my house at 1am to start my three hour commute, to which I regularly get back at 11am, only to have to leave at 12:15 so I can start a 1pm shift that will either go to 9 or 10, then another hour bus ride only to have to leave my house again at 1 start it over again. While my time spent getting places will drastically cut down once I move ( which should've been yesterday, but a calvacade of shit prevented that), the time spent at my full time job won't change.
It's a shit minimum wage position at a theater, which was fine until about six months ago when we started losing employees like flies and kept hiring shitheads. The managers have not lived up to their title, so now it's a repeating cycle of employees starting, pretty much being taught that being lazy is acceptable, and that smoking on the job is not only fine, but recommended( I can recall two employees who were told by managers to go smoke weed cuz they were fucking up while sober). People don't get write ups, and when I call out their behavior to managers, I more often than not get a "well, why did you expect more."
Now me, I would've been handed a manager( as said by the GM) position if not for being broke and having to rely on public transit, meaning my availability wasn't workable. So now second choices have filled those positions, soon to start.
But yeah, I have to work with people who don't give a shit about there jobs as I desperately do what I consider the bare minimum to be a decent employee so I can keep afloat financially. And it kills me.
I understand there are other jobs out there, but I'm really worried and reluctant, because I need to find a full time position that would work with my part time since the pay is too good to stop, and after six years with this shit company, I really want to become a manager so that that spot on my resumed won't be a complete wash.
It's a shit minimum wage position at a theater, which was fine until about six months ago when we started losing employees like flies and kept hiring shitheads. The managers have not lived up to their title, so now it's a repeating cycle of employees starting, pretty much being taught that being lazy is acceptable, and that smoking on the job is not only fine, but recommended( I can recall two employees who were told by managers to go smoke weed cuz they were fucking up while sober). People don't get write ups, and when I call out their behavior to managers, I more often than not get a "well, why did you expect more."
Now me, I would've been handed a manager( as said by the GM) position if not for being broke and having to rely on public transit, meaning my availability wasn't workable. So now second choices have filled those positions, soon to start.
But yeah, I have to work with people who don't give a shit about there jobs as I desperately do what I consider the bare minimum to be a decent employee so I can keep afloat financially. And it kills me.
I understand there are other jobs out there, but I'm really worried and reluctant, because I need to find a full time position that would work with my part time since the pay is too good to stop, and after six years with this shit company, I really want to become a manager so that that spot on my resumed won't be a complete wash.
I'm in a weird spot right now where I'm not depressed, but I'm not happy either. I guess after years of stagnation I can finally see my life improving, but I'm still not at the point where it feels completely in reach.
It's my birthday later this month, which means it's almost been four years since my anxiety problems came back hard. Last year I got into a deep depression because of it, but this year I don't think that's going to happen. Like I said I'm feeling much more optimistic about the future, and I feel like I can manage that fear of the future much better than before.
It's my birthday later this month, which means it's almost been four years since my anxiety problems came back hard. Last year I got into a deep depression because of it, but this year I don't think that's going to happen. Like I said I'm feeling much more optimistic about the future, and I feel like I can manage that fear of the future much better than before.
Having a rough spell with anxiety and what feels like anxiety-induced depression over the last month or so. I just moved back to the city where I went to college after a year in a terrible work situation in a different city that I hated. I recognize that some of my 'unsettled' feelings are due to just getting through another transition and that once I get into more of a rhythm I might feel better. But I have a bad habit of rumination and I've been getting into some really negative thought patterns where I analyze pretty much every aspect of my life and come up with a depressing perspective on it. I also struggle with sleep and my schedule is just totally messed up right now. My therapist is on maternity leave, so that makes things more difficult. I'm no longer on medication (I went off SSRIs a little over a year ago which was rough, and I had to go back on them, and then got switched to an SNRI after it seemed like the SSRI wasn't as effective as before, but I really didn't notice any benefits from the SNRI, so I went off of it a couple of months ago) and I really want to make it work without it.
I've been there. Some things you can try:
*Commit to studying for a very small amount of time, like 5 minutes (or whatever length seems insignificant to you), and tell yourself you can do literally whatever you want after the 5 minutes are up. There's a chance that what you want afterwards is to actually keep studying, but even if not, 5 minutes is better than nothing, and it takes the pressure off of getting started, so you might be more likely to start up again.
*Change your setting. Depending on how I was feeling, sometimes the library was a really productive place, but at other times I couldn't get anything done. Eventually I settled on a coffee shop that became my favorite place to concentrate. Even now, a year removed from college, it's still where I go when I really need to focus.
*Ask a reliable friend to study with you or otherwise hold you accountable.
I've been there. Some things you can try:
*Commit to studying for a very small amount of time, like 5 minutes (or whatever length seems insignificant to you), and tell yourself you can do literally whatever you want after the 5 minutes are up. There's a chance that what you want afterwards is to actually keep studying, but even if not, 5 minutes is better than nothing, and it takes the pressure off of getting started, so you might be more likely to start up again.
*Change your setting. Depending on how I was feeling, sometimes the library was a really productive place, but at other times I couldn't get anything done. Eventually I settled on a coffee shop that became my favorite place to concentrate. Even now, a year removed from college, it's still where I go when I really need to focus.
*Ask a reliable friend to study with you or otherwise hold you accountable.
so, big nvm to that!
Edit: transfer for 2nd year it is. Honestly, good riddance to the terrible University I was at. They are allowed to say the same about me, but seriously, I only just received a good answer to a question I asked about 7 months ago, right when it was almost too late to do anything about it.
I'm really grateful how indestructible I feel right now, none of this bad news has any effect on my mood and I'm remaining positive. I'm really have to make lemonade out of all these lemons.
Edit: transfer for 2nd year it is. Honestly, good riddance to the terrible University I was at. They are allowed to say the same about me, but seriously, I only just received a good answer to a question I asked about 7 months ago, right when it was almost too late to do anything about it.
I'm really grateful how indestructible I feel right now, none of this bad news has any effect on my mood and I'm remaining positive. I'm really have to make lemonade out of all these lemons.
Booker Dewitt
Member
Hour 29 of being awake, it's become less about wanting to quit my full time job, and more about wanting to kill myself for letting myself dig such a hole.
hate my job hate my life, why am i even working. i have no purpose. I'm way too ugly in the gay world to find a boyfriend. i dont even know why i get up every morning and go to work.
i wish i could just move to japan, but i wasted so much of my youth at this job in this life, i feel like a waste of a human being.
Seems like everyone has a much better life around me. Seems like everyone is either having a new kid or posting on Facebook about some new thing they are doing. And here I am still the same 10,20,30 years later.
It's all my fault I know. Anytime I change anything it's always ends up hurting me in the end. Not doing anything is the same way. Sometimes I think my only way out is to die and be free of this terrible curse of life. People seems to be better at life than I am.
i wish i could just move to japan, but i wasted so much of my youth at this job in this life, i feel like a waste of a human being.
Seems like everyone has a much better life around me. Seems like everyone is either having a new kid or posting on Facebook about some new thing they are doing. And here I am still the same 10,20,30 years later.
It's all my fault I know. Anytime I change anything it's always ends up hurting me in the end. Not doing anything is the same way. Sometimes I think my only way out is to die and be free of this terrible curse of life. People seems to be better at life than I am.
Have had a bit of a resurgence of when I use to let my anxiety get the best of me and lead me down a path of very irrational thoughts. Like thinking cause someone I know's phone is going straight voicemail that they must have like gotten into a car accident or something. It use to be real bad to where I would have melt downs like years ago. I've been able to keep them at bay by just reciting what a therapist told me "a thought is just a thought" and then I drop it after a bit. It's still working but I feel like I am getting these thoughts more frequently all the sudden. I am sure it's due to things going on with the person and other factors.
Anyway I hope you are all doing well and are fighting the good fight against depression and whatever else ails you.
Anyway I hope you are all doing well and are fighting the good fight against depression and whatever else ails you.
I've been listening spiritual teachers lately and it has been very helpful.
One of those teachers has said: "You can exist without the mind, but the mind cannot exist without you." This is a statement describing the proper place of the mind in relation to you. The problem, I've learned, when it comes to people experiencing mental illness is that a dysfunctional mind has overstepped this boundary and is speaking for the self (you). It speaks on your behalf and calls itself "I" (you). It calls its dysfunctional ways "I". It may even seem to have some good intention, but it is not your friend, not yet until its dysfunction is seen and the mind returns to its proper place.
Another quote from this teacher: "A thought by itself has no power. But a thought with belief, can start a war." This is a statement describing something of the nature of the "life cycle" of thoughts. Like the heart that beats involuntarily, perhaps, the mind, for whatever reason, its nature is spouting out thoughts. Thoughts are constantly arising and dying. But some thoughts seem to have a tendency to survive a long time. These thoughts like all thoughts "want to live" and in order to live, are vying for your attention. The "sustenance" of thought is the attention or belief we infuse in them. Once infused with belief, they feel very much real to us. Why do some disturbing thoughts come back over and over again? Humorously this teacher says: "because when they ring the bell and we give them 5-star service."
One method or practice that I've seen recommended by many teachers to deal with dysfunctional thoughts is developing an awareness or self-observation i.e. to be aware and observe how oneself reacts/responds/experiences different emotions in different situations - without judgement. You can continue to live and react as you normally would, but a part of you will be watching this all. A non-judgmental observer. It does not label how you react or respond and by not labeling, doesn't inflict any more pain, shame, or embarrassment in doing so. It just watches. In this self-observation, you may start realizing some things about how or why you react the way you normally do. After a while, you might even have adopted this more neutral, non-judgmental place as your default place of seeing things! In this act of non-judgmental watching, everything is being allowed to be and play out with no more weight be added to it. You're starting to see things with more clarity than before.
Also, in this practice, you may have begun cultivating an ability to create space between you and your thoughts. The "observing" or "watching" is space between you and thought. It is your anchor in a rushing sea of thoughts. It is your refuge/your shelter/your safe place. It allows you to escape the gravity that thoughts seemed to have. You might start finding yourself being unconsciously dragged around by thought much less with this newly realized power. And the thoughts are naturally weakening as they are no longer being spoon fed their "sustenance" when they knock on your door. You're finding yourself just not opening the door for them. And eventually, they stop knocking.
I'm sharing the following short (possibly powerful) video not to discredit mental illness, but as invitation for you to reconsider the "value" of a dysfunctional mind in all its scheming, "planning", and "calculating" on the world and what "benefit" it has provided in our own lives. Maybe it will resonate with some of you and you will start to feel the old dysfunctional patterns starting to break and a glimmer of light start to shine through. There is another way!
It's Nothing
In our culture, we've placed learning/thought/intellectualism high on an altar. And while it has achieved, invented many useful things and brought us greater understanding of some of the phenomena in the world around us, it has its limits specifically in its attempts to capture us and our personal human experience. The nature of the mind it seems is to label and capture everything as if everything could be understood like a rock or a piece of wood. It will label you and try to capture you in a box. But some things are not meant to be captured and "understood" like that. Some "things" like you. You're living, fluctuating, ever changing/growing at every moment (and have the ability to change). A label fails to adequately describe you. A label cannot contain you. You are infinitely greater than any static label.
One of those teachers has said: "You can exist without the mind, but the mind cannot exist without you." This is a statement describing the proper place of the mind in relation to you. The problem, I've learned, when it comes to people experiencing mental illness is that a dysfunctional mind has overstepped this boundary and is speaking for the self (you). It speaks on your behalf and calls itself "I" (you). It calls its dysfunctional ways "I". It may even seem to have some good intention, but it is not your friend, not yet until its dysfunction is seen and the mind returns to its proper place.
Another quote from this teacher: "A thought by itself has no power. But a thought with belief, can start a war." This is a statement describing something of the nature of the "life cycle" of thoughts. Like the heart that beats involuntarily, perhaps, the mind, for whatever reason, its nature is spouting out thoughts. Thoughts are constantly arising and dying. But some thoughts seem to have a tendency to survive a long time. These thoughts like all thoughts "want to live" and in order to live, are vying for your attention. The "sustenance" of thought is the attention or belief we infuse in them. Once infused with belief, they feel very much real to us. Why do some disturbing thoughts come back over and over again? Humorously this teacher says: "because when they ring the bell and we give them 5-star service."
One method or practice that I've seen recommended by many teachers to deal with dysfunctional thoughts is developing an awareness or self-observation i.e. to be aware and observe how oneself reacts/responds/experiences different emotions in different situations - without judgement. You can continue to live and react as you normally would, but a part of you will be watching this all. A non-judgmental observer. It does not label how you react or respond and by not labeling, doesn't inflict any more pain, shame, or embarrassment in doing so. It just watches. In this self-observation, you may start realizing some things about how or why you react the way you normally do. After a while, you might even have adopted this more neutral, non-judgmental place as your default place of seeing things! In this act of non-judgmental watching, everything is being allowed to be and play out with no more weight be added to it. You're starting to see things with more clarity than before.
Also, in this practice, you may have begun cultivating an ability to create space between you and your thoughts. The "observing" or "watching" is space between you and thought. It is your anchor in a rushing sea of thoughts. It is your refuge/your shelter/your safe place. It allows you to escape the gravity that thoughts seemed to have. You might start finding yourself being unconsciously dragged around by thought much less with this newly realized power. And the thoughts are naturally weakening as they are no longer being spoon fed their "sustenance" when they knock on your door. You're finding yourself just not opening the door for them. And eventually, they stop knocking.
I'm sharing the following short (possibly powerful) video not to discredit mental illness, but as invitation for you to reconsider the "value" of a dysfunctional mind in all its scheming, "planning", and "calculating" on the world and what "benefit" it has provided in our own lives. Maybe it will resonate with some of you and you will start to feel the old dysfunctional patterns starting to break and a glimmer of light start to shine through. There is another way!
It's Nothing
In our culture, we've placed learning/thought/intellectualism high on an altar. And while it has achieved, invented many useful things and brought us greater understanding of some of the phenomena in the world around us, it has its limits specifically in its attempts to capture us and our personal human experience. The nature of the mind it seems is to label and capture everything as if everything could be understood like a rock or a piece of wood. It will label you and try to capture you in a box. But some things are not meant to be captured and "understood" like that. Some "things" like you. You're living, fluctuating, ever changing/growing at every moment (and have the ability to change). A label fails to adequately describe you. A label cannot contain you. You are infinitely greater than any static label.
Browsed through a few offices today and one even called me.
They have 3 doctors, they all charge the same rate: $185/hr. Is that high compared to most places? They do not take any insurance whatsoever.
I'm more worried about paying $185 and leaving with a feeling that my time was wasted.
They have 3 doctors, they all charge the same rate: $185/hr. Is that high compared to most places? They do not take any insurance whatsoever.
I'm more worried about paying $185 and leaving with a feeling that my time was wasted.
User 479360
Banned
Wow, that's more than here. At least, 8-10 years ago. It's probably more here now.
My parents used to pay $150 per hour for me to see someone in town, but I only went a few times. He wanted to do exposure therapy. I wasn't ready. I also felt bad for making my parents spend that kind of money.
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