Hang in there, other doors will open if you wait for that chance. If you haven't already, seek help from a professional or call one of the lines in the OP.
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Mental Health |OT2| - Light in the Darkness
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Hang in there, other doors will open if you wait for that chance. If you haven't already, seek help from a professional or call one of the lines in the OP.
Why weren't you ready?
Teriyaki Blues
Member
Exposure therapy is honestly about stepping JUST over the edge of your comfort zone and staying there until it expands, and then taking one more step. Repeat. Some people may never be ready to take the first step. I'm really glad that I did, but other people can make it very hard when they don't/can't/won't understand and try to drag you way, way past your boundaries way, way too early.
My family is maybe going to CA this weekend, so I may have a paradise of just me and DQVII. I always worry too much, but I'm looking forward to the solace. It has been a long time since I've been alone even for a day.
My family is maybe going to CA this weekend, so I may have a paradise of just me and DQVII. I always worry too much, but I'm looking forward to the solace. It has been a long time since I've been alone even for a day.
Exposure therapy would probably kill me. My stress and anxiety are already at an all time high and adding more to that purposefully to the extreme would be horrible.
I don't blame someone for not taking the first step. Going to your worst place willingly over and over is horrible. It's even worse if you're forced into that position rather than knowing you have made the conscious decision and can stop at any time.
I don't blame someone for not taking the first step. Going to your worst place willingly over and over is horrible. It's even worse if you're forced into that position rather than knowing you have made the conscious decision and can stop at any time.
Captain Pants
Killed by a goddamned Dredgeling
nevermind
Glad my post could help you.
It surprises myself sometimes seeing other people on Facebook and how far they are growing up and what they're accomplishing. I can relate to the feeling of being left behind when looking at other people's new stuff they put up on Facebook and it can be depressing, if you wish you were in someone else's place. One thing to note: on Facebook, people usually are putting up their best images though.
One thought that gives me comfort lately if I ever feel down because I feel I don't measure up to other people is just recognizing the fact that we all have different talents (e.g. I'm decent at fighting games - a "real life irrelevant" talent), strengths, and weaknesses (e.g. not on the same wavelength as others with social skills, but I'm getting better at this) and are at different levels in our own journey. It's only natural that we live life accordingly at our own pace (and some life circumstances, good and bad, may have an effect on that).
For example, sometimes, I jog outside in the mornings. I can easily lose breath after jogging a while. When that happens, I usually just choose to walk until I catch my breath. I could try to force myself to jog to attempt to "get results faster" but I just let it go and take a break. In the back of mind, I am acknowledging my level of fitness and know I'm getting better every time I go jog even if the improvement isn't leaps and bounds one day to the next. I know every motion and step I make is beneficial and it's all adding up. I'll jog at the pace appropriate to my level of fitness, put the effort in, but leave the progress/results out of my hands (the body is handling that stuff with strengthening the muscles and cardiovascular system or whatever it's doing). With a little perseverance, I'm sure those "before and after results" will seem to happen in no time.
User 479360
Banned
It scared me. I wanted to try meds first.
bronkonagurski
Member
This and your previous post are very interesting. Thank you for sharing.
I know for a fact I always get caught up in wanting to fix everything at once, immediately. As opposed to embracing and appreciating the small steps.
I want to stop drinking, I want to lose weight, I want to clean my apartment after years of neglect, etc. So many big ideas bouncing around in my mind that I get overwhelmed that I can't fix it all right now and do nothing as opposed to taking small, manageable steps towards each goal. It becomes a negative cycle that feeds and sustains itself.
Hi I need help finding something.
It's a story about a wedge who really wants to fit in, so the wedge always tries to fit in with other pac-man looking circles but it never quite fits,
so finally the wedge gets frustrated and tries moving on its own, only to keep on and keep on doing that, until it becomes more round and into a circle.
I've tried to google for it but cannot find it,
hopefully somebody here is familiar with the story? I've seen a link to it illustrated on the web before but hope I can find it again and keep it bookmarked.
It's a story about a wedge who really wants to fit in, so the wedge always tries to fit in with other pac-man looking circles but it never quite fits,
so finally the wedge gets frustrated and tries moving on its own, only to keep on and keep on doing that, until it becomes more round and into a circle.
I've tried to google for it but cannot find it,
hopefully somebody here is familiar with the story? I've seen a link to it illustrated on the web before but hope I can find it again and keep it bookmarked.
This is absolutely my biggest issue too. I'm not sure if it's OCD or something else but the desire for perfection really stops me dead in my tracks despite knowing it's unattainable. It's been like this since August last year, just slowly stagnating while I rationalise not taking any steps forward because what's the point if I'm not taking 10.
I have been meaning to write something here for about a year, and in the last few weeks I haven't been feeling all that well.
I recently started university, about a month ago, and have been having problems making new friends, it's been like that for a long time now. I see people in my class having fun and bonding, while I sit among them unable to speak. I get this sudden surge of anxiety whenever I speak and after, it doesn't help that my self-image isn't really all that positive.
People in higher grades keep saying these are friends you are going to have for life, and here I am unable to get by. I go to most activities and it's of no help. It feels like I'm supposed to always be the person to take the first step, and whenever I do it feels like a failure afterwards.
Furthermore, it also feels like everyone has had sex around me, while i have never done it. It leaves me frustrated and I just want to get it done and over. I'm tired of constantly thinking about this. And it doesn't help that I also have some problems talking with women, but it's been a bit easier in the last year or so at least.
I just wanted to say this, because it sucks keeping this inside of me all the time. I hope everyone else has it good.
I recently started university, about a month ago, and have been having problems making new friends, it's been like that for a long time now. I see people in my class having fun and bonding, while I sit among them unable to speak. I get this sudden surge of anxiety whenever I speak and after, it doesn't help that my self-image isn't really all that positive.
People in higher grades keep saying these are friends you are going to have for life, and here I am unable to get by. I go to most activities and it's of no help. It feels like I'm supposed to always be the person to take the first step, and whenever I do it feels like a failure afterwards.
Furthermore, it also feels like everyone has had sex around me, while i have never done it. It leaves me frustrated and I just want to get it done and over. I'm tired of constantly thinking about this. And it doesn't help that I also have some problems talking with women, but it's been a bit easier in the last year or so at least.
I just wanted to say this, because it sucks keeping this inside of me all the time. I hope everyone else has it good.
Thanks, glad you found it interesting.
I think your goals are really commendable. Seriously, excellent ideas here. I can see any improvement in any of the areas you listed can aid you in the other areas as well. For example, improving health (probably one of the most "primary" goals a person could strive for) can lead to better overall feeling of wellness/mood/energy levels, which can provide you an extra amount of energy you can use in achieving your other goals. That's a really solid goal or foundation to have. If you like, I can share my thoughts or methods (they're a bit vague/general) on this later if you think it could be helpful.
Tidying your apartment can lead to a lesser feeling of being overwhelmed and even improvement in clarity of mind.
I'm currently reading a book on tidying up/organizing and I really like it so far. It's called "the life-changing magic of tidying up: the Japanese art of decluttering and organizing" by Marie Kondo. In it, the author gives advice on how to tidy up i.e. how to choose to discard things and how to organize what's left (the things that are of value or meaning to us). There's a really good quote in there that I find is very relevant to life in general:
"...imagine yourself living in a space that contains only things that spark joy. Isn't this the lifestyle you dream of? Keep only those things that speak to your heart. Then take the plunge and discard all the rest. By doing this, you can reset your life and embark on a new lifestyle."
A life composed of, surrounded by, activated, motivated and inspired by only the good things in our life... interesting... sounds pretty good.
User 479360
Banned
Has anyone else taken Larazepam? I was prescribed it and have tried it twice, but I haven't felt much different. More tired, maybe.
Booker Dewitt
Member
Thanks bruh, was able to move in to my new place Monday night and actually get some sleep. My mood has improved greatly.
Weird how regularly pulling thirty hour days can drain you emotionally. Glad I'm done with that.
I suffer from on and off depression.
Due to a recent thing with a girl it's been the worst its been in years. It's an emotional grind, you've gotta tell yourself that things will get better or else you'll give up.
Booker Dewitt
Member
Yeah, I was coming off a bad couple of weeks, where I had to expect the worst to happen at any moment and not get comfortable at all. Which was proven right when i missed my move in day on Saturday. So couple that stress with how shitty my full time job is, potentiall six hours of commute with twelve hour work days, I was getting pretty burned out.
But now, I'm on the up and up. I won't have to rely on anyone for a ride to a grocery store, my commute is now three hours tops. Just gotta not fuck up and miss a shift at my second job until OCT1st, and I'll be able to relax.
You're in the same situation I was in except I'm now 23, no longer in school, and nothing has changed. I'd give anything right now to go back and redo it. Don't be me. Start by taking small steps to improve your situation. Worry about the rest later. It's amazing what something as simple as a new set of clothes you like will do to help your self image and give a confidence boost knowing that you like the way you look.
The key is to be patient with your progress. If things don't work out this semester then you'll have another soon with new classes and people to meet. The closest thing I've had to friends didn't happen until my senior year.
pm me if you ever need to
Well I called this one place near me to see about making an appointment. Seems they only do walk in assessments. Tell me to be there well before 7:30 am and to be prepared to wait up to 3 hours. I really don't want to have to do that so I hope I am able to find a place to take me on Friday.
Other than those issues lately I feel like I am pushing away my friend online. I won't lie I can be a bit needy and pushy cause I am just so sick and tired of being alone that I seek out others to do stuff with. I know it's probably most likely in my head but at the same time I just feel like it's a pattern with me. Make a group of friends then slowly over the next year become real good friends with at least one of them. After that the next year we slowly drift apart as they don't want to be around me anymore and if it happens with this group especially the core 2-3 people of it I don't know how I'd take it.
Other than those issues lately I feel like I am pushing away my friend online. I won't lie I can be a bit needy and pushy cause I am just so sick and tired of being alone that I seek out others to do stuff with. I know it's probably most likely in my head but at the same time I just feel like it's a pattern with me. Make a group of friends then slowly over the next year become real good friends with at least one of them. After that the next year we slowly drift apart as they don't want to be around me anymore and if it happens with this group especially the core 2-3 people of it I don't know how I'd take it.
So my counsellor wrote a letter about my sessions, for use to submit for personal compelling reasons (so I can graduate)...
Reading it though, made me realise how helpful the counselling was. I haven't even thought about thinking of suicide for a while.
I got to work hard and take no prisoners now (not literally)
Reading it though, made me realise how helpful the counselling was. I haven't even thought about thinking of suicide for a while.
I got to work hard and take no prisoners now (not literally)
SeriousApes
Member
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Sectorseven
Member
You're going to get different answers from everyone. It comes down to a lot of trial and error with finding the right dosage and drug for you personally.
Teriyaki Blues
Member
Yes, and...
This. Everyone's experiences will be different. Long taper on and long taper off or you can long term screw up or permanently damage your brain chemistry. They are perfectly safe to take (barring very low chance complications) and even experiment with to some extent (dosage amounts), but take them on a consistent schedule - seriously, set an alarm (and yes, keep taking them even when you start to feel better), read your documentation, and don't try and play whack-a-mole with mental health drugs. Treat them with respect and they will serve you well, especially in conjunction with therapy.
This is awesome news! Very happy for you, keep it up.
spons
Gold Member
Started with daytime activities two weeks ago, two mornings a week. I signed up for creative therapy. Basically just drawing. Sucks to be back but I can't just sit on my ass all day.
Also, I've finally sent out the papers for the The Netherlands Brain Bank, maybe they'll have a use for my autistic brain when I die. Hopefully I'm accepted. The only "drug" I use is tobacco so I don't think that's going to be a problem. I don't want to be an organ donor so this is the way I'm doing something useful with my dead body. Better than letting it decay over time.
Hopefully I can live assisted again, although it didn't exactly work out two years ago. I still need to send an email to my regional assisted living office.... it's just too much of a bother.
Also, I've finally sent out the papers for the The Netherlands Brain Bank, maybe they'll have a use for my autistic brain when I die. Hopefully I'm accepted. The only "drug" I use is tobacco so I don't think that's going to be a problem. I don't want to be an organ donor so this is the way I'm doing something useful with my dead body. Better than letting it decay over time.
Hopefully I can live assisted again, although it didn't exactly work out two years ago. I still need to send an email to my regional assisted living office.... it's just too much of a bother.
Astral Dog
Member
, im a mess right now, the same old worthless discussions for years,homophobic racist elitist, egoist filth while pretending everything is just fine in life, i fear that i cant stand them anymore after so many years of taking care and trying to get along , like im wasting the few years this world with people that dont even care, and it breaks me inside to say this about my family , i feel am nothing without them.
mayba we just came to accept those things until we die.
mayba we just came to accept those things until we die.
Same here. I'm in a hole I cannot get out of.
It would be nice to have someone or something to look forward to. What I would give to Netflix and chill with a guy who wants to be me with me.
My bday was yesterday and I wanted to ask this guy out for dinner I was even going to pay but I know he definitely isn't into me. So it would make me feel even worse seeing him and not having to tell him how I feel.
I think I might go to the doctors within the next week. For some reason, I want to avoid having to take tablets though, I don't want to have to deal with the possible side-effects. We'll see how it goes.
For UK folk, what is the process of seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist (not too sure of the difference)? Can you request to be referred to one or will a doctor expect you to try medication first? I know it'll be different for each person depending on their issues but generally what do they do for you?
For UK folk, what is the process of seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist (not too sure of the difference)? Can you request to be referred to one or will a doctor expect you to try medication first? I know it'll be different for each person depending on their issues but generally what do they do for you?
tearsofash
Member
Now they're saying I have PTSD. Diagnoses are weird.
Anyways, six days without my meds. Hopefully I get on something soon :3
Anyways, six days without my meds. Hopefully I get on something soon :3
Called a few more places today to find a psychiatrist. Mostly got told they aren't accepting new patients or they don't take private insurance. The one place I used to go to does but the office manager needs to look over my information first which she should have a few times already and never calls me back so I am not very confident. I left a message at another place and am awaiting a response there. This search is really frustrating and makes me want to scream really. I am going to hold off going to the one place in town because I despise the place really.
Hope everyone is doing well today.!
Hope everyone is doing well today.!
I'm addicted to being angry and pushing away the people I love the most.
Went off on someone today over an off comment and ruined that relationship. I'm sure I knew the outcome before I said anything, and I still decided to be an asshole, so that's that I guess.
Not sure what drives me to do these things, especially since I always regret it pretty soon afterwards (not that apologizing will help then). Probably has something to do with the power of putting down others because I'm unhappy with my own life, bla bla bla.
Went off on someone today over an off comment and ruined that relationship. I'm sure I knew the outcome before I said anything, and I still decided to be an asshole, so that's that I guess.
Not sure what drives me to do these things, especially since I always regret it pretty soon afterwards (not that apologizing will help then). Probably has something to do with the power of putting down others because I'm unhappy with my own life, bla bla bla.
Sounds like me when I was 13-21. I was so full of anger that I didn't know what to do so I lashed out at others cause the release felt good and making others feel like me felt good. Like you I'd soon after feel super awful about it but yet continue to do so. I am not really sure what made me become less of an asshole. It may have been I got old enough and my brain chemistry settled or maybe I came to terms with why I was angry and put it towards other things but that really isn't it. I wish I knew how I overcame it so I could advise you in what you could try to do to break that habit.
When you feel that you are about to explode on someone what exactly do you remember feeling the moments before and leading up to doing so? Were you already angry or become angry as they talked to you then exploded?
Yeah, this has been happening consistently since I was 16 (I'm 26 now). I've talked with therapists about the issue but I think it's something I still have to overcome with myself. They can't really help me if I'm not willing to help myself first.
It's usually pretty quick going from 0 - 100. This time I was already upset over my bus driving right past me while I was standing there for a pick up (I'm actually still mad about this). I ended up catching another bus that took a long route and went by my ex's place, which is when my friend made the off comment and I exploded.
Oh I know it's the worst when you have to be the one to initiate a change in oneself. I still get bursts of anger these days and just recently in past few months I actually let said temper boil over and was unable to control it. I felt horrible after mainly cause I broke my phone out of anger over something someone else had done to me. Have to put it in your head to catch yourself when it's about to happen and think....why am I letting this upset me? Why is this particular thing going to be what sets me off today? I am not expecting you to be able to catch yourself from doing it all the time but if you try to and practice it you'll get better at controlling it.
I feel empty. My days are monotonous. My anxiety and depression are slowly eating away at me. I can't get a job. I rarely see my friends, and dating is pretty much out of the question. I still live with my parents but they're away for a year so I don't even have them to talk to, I'm just on my own all day every day. I'm lonely as hell. I think the Prozac I'm taking is making me more apathetic too. I take several naps a day just because I can't think of anything else to do. My life is completely stagnant but I don't have the motivation to do anything to change it. I've felt useless ever since I finished college. I was lonely then too, but at least I was doing something. It feels like nothing is ever going to change. I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say. I'm lost.
Sectorseven
Member
Does anyone listen to the Anosognosiac podcast? They're very...opinionated.
Thought I might post this since it got no replies and is probably suited here 
http://www.neogaf.com/showthread.php?t=1279672
http://www.neogaf.com/showthread.php?t=1279672
Thought I might post this since it got no replies and is probably suited here
http://www.neogaf.com/showthread.php?t=1279672
I watched parts of the videos posted it's some harrowing stuff really.
It's one of those few days where I just wish I had someone to touch and feel and share my life with. I am usually fairly decent at not letting it get in my way but the feeling is so overwhelming lately that I am having a hard time channeling it in a useful way.
I too can say this is very real and true. I used to have an extremely strong libido and now that i'm on duloxetine, quetiapine and alprazolam, I don't even feel the need for sex nor pornographic entertainment.
Now I have a problem and I'm not sure if anyone here on GAF ever managed to solve it. Due to so much medication, I now am in an active relationship for two months and my libido isn't enough to grant me an erection sometimes, and I can never ever ejaculate.
Oh, there's an OT2 now? I posted in the original one before, only short posts for the most part. Hi, I have BPD and am stuck in a loop of highs and down -again. Wish I could stick to anything, follow through with anything but I just go back to the basics every time. I know I'm adventurous in theory but when I get actually invited to do something or find out about something new that I might wanna do I just chicken out at the last moment. And mostly I just felt numb. I got high tonight and that was the first time in a few months that I actually felt myself and my surroundings.
I also made an appointment with a psychiatrist which I didn't have for years now. Hope I can get my fears in control with the help of a doctor. I even opened up to the idea of taking pills to stop myself.
Anyway, nice to see that the thread lives on. I think it's important for everyone to have something like this here.
I also made an appointment with a psychiatrist which I didn't have for years now. Hope I can get my fears in control with the help of a doctor. I even opened up to the idea of taking pills to stop myself.
Anyway, nice to see that the thread lives on. I think it's important for everyone to have something like this here.
Before I lost my insurance I was on Latuda for bipolar depression. Then I got new insurance and started seeing a new therapist that ran 2 screenings for BPD and one was positive the other was negative and pretty much told me let a psychiatrist decide with further testing. Trouble is I am having a bitch of a time finding a psychiatrist near me and it's pissing me off to no end. I hope you can get the help you need and find a balance. I know latuda was part of what helped level me out.
Royal_Phalanx
Member
I wish I wasn't so apathetic. It feels like nothing I do will change anything. Just quit a masters' degree before it even started because I couldn't find housing that I was satisfied with in time and I feel like it's pointless to do it anyway. I make bad life choices. That means though, sitting at home and getting a boring job plus having no social life, again.
tearsofash
Member
Great, they found this thread too. Now they're telling me to kill myself again. I don't know why they care about what I say. They tell me to get in an oven. Seems like a good idea.
Flare. I won't bother regurgitating what those are like. But as usual, what always devastates me is the feeling that my life is meaningless. None of the things I do to pass the time matter. They just leave me feeling even more alone and abandoned. I wish people didn't matter as much to me. I wish that I was more capable of being independent, both physically and emotionally.
Teriyaki Blues
Member
I'm married. Does that count?
Am I what society considers a productive adult? No. Is it a healthy relationship? No. Has it cured any of my mental health problems? No. Does it help? A little. Only on days when the suicidal impulse is really strong though.
Megalosaro
Banned
The other day, I was having a discussion that pertained to the subject I studied as an undergrad. The person insisted I was wrong even though he has no background. I realized that no one will ever respect my degree, so I took it down off my wall and shredded ot, along with some certificates I have.
Today, my best friend went off on me because he leant me his car and it was parked in a handicap spot.
Today, my best friend went off on me because he leant me his car and it was parked in a handicap spot.
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