Most embarrassing place you've ever farted?

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Bru said:
In a taxi, on the way back from an Indian restaurant with my girlfriend and her family.

We hit a bump and I passed a tiny squeak of a thing, an insignificant blip on the edge of human hearing. Within a minute the cab had filled with such an unholy stench that it caused the driver to pull over, calmly open his door and vomit into the street.
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LIES!! Thats so gross lol!!

You guys are crazy lol, HOLD IT IN AND GOTO THE BATHROOM it ain't natural when your fart smells like a rotting animal carcass covered in puke!!!

What about pussy farts? I remember several times with my ex gf where her pussy would fart, we would both be dying in laughter 'cuz it would keep happening lol.
 
I have so many stories :(

Was at an italian funeral (very depressing and quiet) and I had my typical lunch (lentils, beans, etc) digesting in the confines of my gut. The gas had already started to build before the viewing but I played it off and hoped they would go way. I was wrong, very wrong. Ignoring the pain, I and others could not ignore the odd noises coming from my gut. Like a combination of a squid trying to strangle an elephant. The worse part is I couldn't leave as there was a huge line, and the doors were jammed. I had to be with family members so I just held it in like a champion for a good hour. As the line winded down, I made my way outside in a sprint, opened the huge oak doors and unleashed the fury of a thousand h-bombs. What I failed to notice were all the smokers standing outside. Thankfully they understood my pain and saluted a job well done.
 
eternal prize said:
I have so many stories :(

Was at an italian funeral (very depressing and quiet) and I had my typical lunch (lentils, beans, etc) digesting in the confines of my gut. The gas had already started to build before the viewing but I played it off and hoped they would go way. I was wrong, very wrong. Ignoring the pain, I and others could not ignore the odd noises coming from my gut. Like a combination of a squid trying to strangle an elephant. The worse part is I couldn't leave as there was a huge line, and the doors were jammed. I had to be with family members so I just held it in like a champion for a good hour. As the line winded down, I made my way outside in a sprint, opened the huge oak doors and unleashed the fury of a thousand h-bombs. What I failed to notice were all the smokers standing outside. Thankfully they understood my pain and saluted a job well done.
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I wish The Sopranos would still be on the air so they could reenact that situation.
 
eternal prize said:
Like a combination of a squid trying to strangle an elephant.
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:lol :lol :lol

dankir said:
it ain't natural when your fart smells like a rotting animal carcass covered in puke!!!
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I've been told that mine smell like week-old roadkill stuffed with rotten eggs and then doused in rancid milk.
 
ScOULaris said:
Damn, he really vomited? You must have some stank-ass colon breath, my friend.
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Yes, the cabbie really did. I thought he was pulling over to kick me out of his taxi. The worst thing is... after vomiting he just closed his door, opened the window and continued to drive. He didn't say a word, apart from the occasional 'boik' of his gag reflex.

My future in-laws were disgusted at the time but Fiona saw the funny side and was trembling with muffled laughter all the way home.
 
I farted during an exam in college. I only noticed it when I reached down for a pencil that a beautiful classmate accidentally dropped. I got a mouthful of swamp gas and got back to my test, teary-eyed and hoping she didn't notice the foul stench. Which she did. :(

When I was a kid, my dad was taking a nap (or so he seemed) when my mom entered their room to iron something. As she was about to quietly plug the iron into the socket, my dad ripped ass portentously, completely freaking her out.
 
I've got an alright story to tell.

I used to work in a supervisory position for the cashiers in a grocery store. This was at a time when I had just joined a gym, and as a vegetarian, I would take protein powder after every work out. Now, whey protein isolate my body is okay with, but non-isolate my body cannot seem to handle properly. When we ran out of protein powder, my parents brought home a new tub, but it wasn't isolate. Determined as I was to get into better shape, I didn't let this change anything and I continued to workout as often as I had. Now after four or so days of working out in a row, I was at work, and I had jumped onto one of the cash lanes in order to help clear the crowd. In the middle of ringing up a customer, I let one rip... Instantly the customers in my line showed on their faces that yes, they can definitely smell the rancid unpleasantness I had just unleashed onto them. Suddenly, the cashiers in front of me one by one had begun to smell it, until it had more or less filled up the entire grocery store. The lady I had been training to do the same job as me came over to me and told me she had smelled a "stink bomb", and as a group of teenagers adorned in baggy clothing had just passed through the store a moment before I had emptied my large intestine, she had come to the conclusion that they must have pulled off a prank and set off a stink bomb somewhere in the store. She notified the store manager of this, and before I know it, the manager gets all of the guys who are stocking the shelves and produce are looking down every aisle, getting on the floor looking underneath every nook and cranny to find the source of this smell which nobody for a moment was tame enough to have originated by any mere mortal. Half the customers were running out of the store as quickly as they could, leaving their groceries to be purchased at a later date.

I chuckled to myself.
 
TouchMyBox said:
I've got an alright story to tell.

I used to work in a supervisory position for the cashiers in a grocery store. This was at a time when I had just joined a gym, and as a vegetarian, I would take protein powder after every work out. Now, whey protein isolate my body is okay with, but non-isolate my body cannot seem to handle properly. When we ran out of protein powder, my parents brought home a new tub, but it wasn't isolate. Determined as I was to get into better shape, I didn't let this change anything and I continued to workout as often as I had. Now after four or so days of working out in a row, I was at work, and I had jumped onto one of the cash lanes in order to help clear the crowd. In the middle of ringing up a customer, I let one rip... Instantly the customers in my line showed on their faces that yes, they can definitely smell the rancid unpleasantness I had just unleashed onto them. Suddenly, the cashiers in front of me one by one had begun to smell it, until it had more or less filled up the entire grocery store. The lady I had been training to do the same job as me came over to me and told me she had smelled a "stink bomb", and as a group of teenagers adorned in baggy clothing had just passed through the store a moment before I had emptied my large intestine, she had come to the conclusion that they must have pulled off a prank and set off a stink bomb somewhere in the store. She notified the store manager of this, and before I know it, the manager gets all of the guys who are stocking the shelves and produce are looking down every aisle, getting on the floor looking underneath every nook and cranny to find the source of this smell which nobody for a moment was tame enough to have originated by any mere mortal. Half the customers were running out of the store as quickly as they could, leaving their groceries to be purchased at a later date.

I chuckled to myself.
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Your story makes a great case for the power of farts. They're so versatile, and they can elicit such a wide variety of reactions... laughter, despair, fear, nausea, confusion, anger.

This thread is an ode to floating shit particles, in all their glory.
 
Is anybody else starting to wonder if maybe ScOULaris has a fart fetish and this whole thread was a clever ruse to gather stories to jerk off too?
 
Third grade. We were taking our CAT Test and I my stomach was just growling like crazy. I felt like I needed to fart. I HAD to fart. Just one little small fart won't kill anyone right? WRONG. so I ended up letting out a small fart but it just kept marching out. those little fucking fart soldiers got louder and louder as more came out. The whole class looked around trying to figure it what it was. I looked around to to play along but man I felt bad. :lol
 
Working in retail management, I had the pleasure of meeting many different types of customers, some with better control than others over their own bodies.

One customer comes to mind, an older gentleman with white hair and a beard, dressed in a T-shirt and gray sweatpants. He was looking at a rack of sweatpants as I asked him, "Are you finding everything all right today, sir?" He began to engage me in conversation, and for a few moments we discussed how he was feeling and how he needed a new pair of sweatpants. I showed him our nicest brands, as well as some sale priced sweats. He began to talk about quality, of the sweats as well as other things in life. Fairly seriously, he looks me right in the eyes, and says, "But none of this is really a concern when you are a millionaire such as myself...." At which point perfectly on cue he rips ass very loud, acting as if nothing had happened.

I excused myself immediately and ran for the back of the store, trying not to laugh and gag.
 
bunbun777 said:
Fairly seriously, he looks me right in the eyes, and says, "But none of this is really a concern when you are a millionaire such as myself...." At which point perfectly on cue he rips ass very loud, acting as if nothing had happened.
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:lol

Rich people can get away with anything. :P
 
Say you are in an exam where you are not allowed to leave or have a strict time limit that isn't going to give you enough time to run outside to blast bottom...

You ate something that really didn't agree with you and you are getting the massive gaseous buildups in your bowels... You know the ones, you fight them off very uncomfortably and then a loud gurgling noise that those around you can hear is emitted from your insides.

Do you say "fuck it!" and blow colon to get your much deserved relief so you can focus on your exam or do you just keep fighting it off over and over and over again and be miserable the entire time?

I say toot your horn, weather the embarrassment and dominate that damn test.
 
bunbun777 said:
Fairly seriously, he looks me right in the eyes, and says, "But none of this is really a concern when you are a millionaire such as myself...." At which point perfectly on cue he rips ass very loud, acting as if nothing had happened.
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:lol :lol :lol

That sounds like a surreal moment. That guy is a badass.

I <3 Memes said:
Is anybody else starting to wonder if maybe ScOULaris has a fart fetish and this whole thread was a clever ruse to gather stories to jerk off too?
Click to expand...
Stay tuned for my next thread: "Post pictures of yourself farting."
 
The most obvious time was in the 8th grade. There was some presentation in the library and I let out a loud one in front of 120 other students.

The most awful/most funny one to me was one time at the grocery store. Sometimes, if nobody is really around, I'll leave my girlfriend for a minute to go "check something out" which is just an excuse to fart somewhere not near her (she hasn't caught onto this yet thank god). We were in the produce section over by the pre-packaged vegetables and salad dressing when I noticed that nobody was around, so I went over by the apples to take care of business. I let a silent but deadly out and quickly got back over to my girlfriend before she started to wonder why I randomly walked over to the apple section. No sooner after I got back to her did this husband and wife come around the corner like a bat out of hell. It was practically like they were auditioning for that speed shopping game show that used to be on TV in the 90's. Horrified that they would run into my stench, I'm hoping to myself that they avoid the apples. So, of course, they hurry over to the apples. Where they stop. Nostrils flare, they look at each other, and they honest to god take their time. I'm looking over at them thinking to myself, why in gods name would you sit there and take that? For the love of god get your apples and leave. After 3 minutes picking out their perfect 4 apples, they raced off again.
 
I've laughed pretty hard through most of this thread. I have a few of my own, one fart story, one shart story.

First the fart: I was working at an appliance store and me and a co-worker were delivering a large projection tv. This was during the middle of winter so we had our big jackets on, stocking caps, cloves, etc all on. Well we bring it in and a nice looking set of girls ask us if we could hook it up along with their dvd player. Well we had just ate lunch and it wasn't setting well with me so I'm trying to rush through this cause I felt some grumblings with all this heavy moving. Co-worker is taking his sweet time and I'm fucking sweating bullets cause I didn't take any of my clothes off cause this hookup doesn't take long. Kneeling down at the back of the tv I look at him and say dude fucking hurry up, im sweating like crazy. As I get the word "crazy" out I let out a deep booming megaphone style fart. He instantly rolls onto the ground laughing so hard its silent. I tried to play it off like wtf, yea its funny, lets go. I lean back from behind the tv and sure enough the girls were sitting on the couch laughing. FML.


Shart story: I was at my girlfiends (wife now) house in her bedroom playing the sims 2. And I felt a large pocket of gas move in my stomach, felt fine so i say lets do this (i've farted in front of her before, so we were comfortable in that sense with each other) and let that fart out, and sure enough it was a diarrhea style fart. Sheer terror came over my face and I cut it off mid way as I felt the poo come out. I fly out of the chair knocking it over backwards and haul ass to the bathroom as I was in pain and super embarrassed. So I get to the bathroom, shit comes out, boxers ruined. I toss them in the trash can underneath some other trash so they couldn't be seen (or so I thought) and proceeded to wash my ass. I come back out and Gf is like what happened? "Feeling comfortable enough with her" I told her what happened and she laughed pretty hard, but said she wouldn't tell anyone. About 15 minutes later her mom comes in the room and said who's boxers are in the trash? I was like fuuuuuuuuuuu. Luckily her mom had a sense of humor too.
 
:lol Back in Highschool 10th grade, my friend that sat next to me every class used to play practical jokes. So I said fuck it and started releasing death farts indiscriminately. It was awesome, I was chuckling every time and there was nothing that could be done. Then one day my farts were killer due to some cafeteria food. I dropped a bomb in History class and the range of it was worse than I thought. My friend was being dramatic and the teacher noticed the disturbance. She asked what was going on and my friend said "Younghav just farted", the class busted out laughing and the teacher made me get up and open the window lmao. I was embarrassed but found it funny as hell still.
 
Best thread of 2011 thus far. The incredible phrases for farts contained within, many of which I hadn't even heard before, are the icing on the cake of so many fantastic stories. :lol

I wish I had some really good ones to contribute. The worst was in grade five when it was just my class (about 20 of us) in the huge big hall where all the assemblies and such were held. Naturally it was super silent and everything echoed like nobody's business. And, of course, my body thought it was the perfect time to discharge colon. Next thing you know every single student in the room, as well as the teacher, look right at me and proceed to shift several feet away.
 
rocksteady1983 said:
Shart story: I was at my girlfiends (wife now) house in her bedroom playing the sims 2. And I felt a large pocket of gas move in my stomach, felt fine so i say lets do this (i've farted in front of her before, so we were comfortable in that sense with each other) and let that fart out, and sure enough it was a diarrhea style fart. Sheer terror came over my face and I cut it off mid way as I felt the poo come out. I fly out of the chair knocking it over backwards and haul ass to the bathroom as I was in pain and super embarrassed. So I get to the bathroom, shit comes out, boxers ruined. I toss them in the trash can underneath some other trash so they couldn't be seen (or so I thought) and proceeded to wash my ass. I come back out and Gf is like what happened? "Feeling comfortable enough with her" I told her what happened and she laughed pretty hard, but said she wouldn't tell anyone. About 15 minutes later her mom comes in the room and said who's boxers are in the trash? I was like fuuuuuuuuuuu. Luckily her mom had a sense of humor too.
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:lol Shart stories are the best.
 
ScOULaris said:
I think most work environments could benefit from intraoffice fart shenanigans.

Boss: Johnson, how are those TPS reports coming along?
Johnson: Almost done. And one more thing... BRRRRRAAAAAP!
Boss: Hahaha! Johnson, you slay me. How does a promotion sound?
Johnson: Well, sir, I'd imagine it sounds something like this. FFFUUUURRRP!
Boss: You've got moxie.
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For some reason, this post had me dying most of all.
 
ScOULaris said:
I think most work environments could benefit from intraoffice fart shenanigans.

Boss: Johnson, how are those TPS reports coming along?
Johnson: Almost done. And one more thing... BRRRRRAAAAAP!
Boss: Hahaha! Johnson, you slay me. How does a promotion sound?
Johnson: Well, sir, I'd imagine it sounds something like this. FFFUUUURRRP!
Boss: You've got moxie.
Click to expand...
I played this out in my head with the Terrance and Phillip voices.
 
That is such a terrible feeling when you go to fart and feel that distinctive pain that indicates that you better shut it down else you ruin a perfectly good pair of underpants.
 
School assembly. Sat on hard floor, tried to let out a sly, silent one. Ended up becoming not just one, but two ultra loud "PWAAP"s that were heard by most of the (very large) room. never before has a little bit of ass gas caused such widespread alarm and confusion amongst a teaching faculty.

So damn proud of myself.
 
As I came in the middle of my first threesome.

I knew it was about to happen and just let out an unholy pleasure groan to mask it, and it worked. I even joked about it with them since and they said they didn't hear it, so it worked. We had a good laugh. :lol
 
TouchMyBox said:
I've got an alright story to tell.

I used to work in a supervisory position for the cashiers in a grocery store. This was at a time when I had just joined a gym, and as a vegetarian, I would take protein powder after every work out. Now, whey protein isolate my body is okay with, but non-isolate my body cannot seem to handle properly. When we ran out of protein powder, my parents brought home a new tub, but it wasn't isolate. Determined as I was to get into better shape, I didn't let this change anything and I continued to workout as often as I had. Now after four or so days of working out in a row, I was at work, and I had jumped onto one of the cash lanes in order to help clear the crowd. In the middle of ringing up a customer, I let one rip... Instantly the customers in my line showed on their faces that yes, they can definitely smell the rancid unpleasantness I had just unleashed onto them. Suddenly, the cashiers in front of me one by one had begun to smell it, until it had more or less filled up the entire grocery store. The lady I had been training to do the same job as me came over to me and told me she had smelled a "stink bomb", and as a group of teenagers adorned in baggy clothing had just passed through the store a moment before I had emptied my large intestine, she had come to the conclusion that they must have pulled off a prank and set off a stink bomb somewhere in the store. She notified the store manager of this, and before I know it, the manager gets all of the guys who are stocking the shelves and produce are looking down every aisle, getting on the floor looking underneath every nook and cranny to find the source of this smell which nobody for a moment was tame enough to have originated by any mere mortal. Half the customers were running out of the store as quickly as they could, leaving their groceries to be purchased at a later date.

I chuckled to myself.
Click to expand...
That, you did.
:lol
 
The one that stands out the most to me was in high school. It was in the library, and they had wooden chairs. I was holding it in, but as I was sitting down, the moment my ass came in contact with the chair one just escaped me. Naturally, the wooden chair amplified the sound tenfold, and it echoed through the silent library. I just set down like nothing happened as everyone else started looking around trying to figure out where the noise came from.
 
Man, I have bad gas from time to time, but I have no qualms with letting them go. Really rotten stuff. In public I usually try to do it on the move to ensure that the damage doesn't become too centralized. One time I discreetly farted in a cabinet at work and trapped the stench inside as I couldn't hold it in any longer and due to circumstances I was sort of stuck there for a bit. At home though, I always let loose.

One time I was lying in bed already in the buff. I let out one really wet nasty fart and my fiance exclaims that I had to have just shat the bed. "Not at all!" I protest while insisting that it was just wet and gross sounding and nothing more. Let out a second one a minute later. I sort of roll around in bed a lot as I love the feeling of big soft pillows and blankets. I finally got up out of bed a few minutes later, and lo and behold: two little smeared shart streaks down the sheets and the tiniest bit of liquid poo on my asscheeks that I somehow didn't feel until I checked. Anytime I fart in bed now I'm told that I better not have just shit the bed :lol
 
Sklorenz said:
In public I usually try to do it on the move to ensure that the damage doesn't become too centralized.
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That is affectionately referred to as "dusting crops." :D I sometimes do that at work. Walk by a group of customers that have been annoying or bothersome and dust the area with a silent one. Then they start blaming each other.
 
bigosc2k said:
I came really close to farting in my department meeting, but I did fart in the line for Space Mountain
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:lol
You're an asshole. That winding tunnel to boarding has absolutely no ventilation.
 
More shart stories please.

My first month in the dorm at my University, I tried Chinese for the first time ever with a group of friends. After some recommendation I got Bourbon Chicken with some sort of noodles/eggs. We all then proceeded to watch some movies in a friends dorm (the third was Cloverfield) and I proceeded to go to bed on the last one, on my friends bed. I dont quite remember what happened after that but apparently i woke for a second, tried to rip a silent and my ass leaked :(

I was then not invited back to the dorm, and given the nickname 'brownies' because of that and another incident involving me and brownies. I am not friends with any of them now and, as many of them graduated, at least 2 I know have mentioned the story in their "University memories" on facebook. To many comments.

I didnt give up on chinese food, though. My favorite is Orange Chicken and White Rice. I believe the combo of chinese food and a milkshake is what disturbed my stomach the first time.

:( my night is ruined
 
ChiTownBuffalo said:
Michelle Obama, in the campaign office I was working at.

I just walked in and had to high step to avoid a stepping on some documents and the Vuvzela Concerto in B flat happened.
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Holy shit you weren't kidding. That would be horrible.
 
This happened to my cousin back in our pre-teen days.

We were at our grandmas house and we were all sitting on the couch watching TV. He was sitting on the single seater off to the side while the rest of use were spread out on the big couch and the recliner on the side of the room.

I don't remember what we were watching, but right as the commercial break started you could see him lean to the left and make that face where he scrunched it up on just the left side and tried to let rip. What was heard was a kinda wet sounding bpbpbpbpbppbpb, kinda like a wet whoopie cushion, that just wouldn't stop. It seriously just went on and on and on. Everyone in the room was staring at him and my uncle even joked "Boy I know you musta just shit yoself" and I remember saying that he must have been going for a world record. After what was honestly about 2 minutes of his continuous "fart" and the rest of the commercial break of us joking laughing and swearing that he shit himself (my uncle had to open the sliding glass door that was next to my cousin), my cousin sweared up and down that he didn't.

A few minutes later he got up to go to the bathroom and we didn't see him for atleast 30 minutes after that. We found out later from my Grandma that he needed a change of under wear and she made him wash his out in the toilet before she tied it up in a plastic bag for him to take home a have his momma wash. We all knew that fart was way too long, way too wet and way to stank to not have shat all over himself, but he swore it was just a fart.
 
Second grade:
It was early in the morning and my southern evangelical teacher (she bleck) was taking roll. I sat on the middle of those colorful square rugs elementary classes had for students back in those days. As soon as my teacher was done calling out our names, she read a story to us. She randomly picks students to read different sections of the story. Around this time, I felt gases circulating around my intestines and I knew I couldn't hold this demon shit-drenched smelling fart. I had to pass gas no matter what. My teacher (she bleck) picked a few other students to read but I was sweatin bullets and I needed relieve. BAD!!!! So somehow my teacher sees me and thinks Im distracting her from my awkward behavior. As soon as some kid was done reading, she pointed her finger at me. I couldn't hold the gas anymore so when she called my name, I let loose. Everyone was laughing and grossed out. My face turned red as fuck and my teacher (she bleck) send me to the corner and I had say "Praise Jesus!" 50 times.
 
Sweedishrodeo said:
i also want to mention that my roommate's gf farts when she cums. every time, and loud. we can hear that shit across the apartment
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What the hell is with all of these cum-fart stories? Am I missing out if my orgasms aren't earth-shattering enough to make me loose control of my rectum?
 
ScOULaris said:
What the hell is with all of these cum-fart stories? Am I missing out if my orgasms aren't earth-shattering enough to make me loose control of my rectum?
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I think it's perfectly natural. I'm not a woman (obviously) but I can understand why they fart sometimes. There's a lot of pushing going on down there. I used to know a girl that virtually prolapsed her cervix when she came. She could almost pop you right out of there.

In my case, when I was on the receiving end, it wasn't the orgasm that made me fart, it was the fact that I was absolutely desperate to fart as she started going down on me. I tried to hold it in but at some point I must have relaxed...
 
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