Most embarrassing place you've ever farted?

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I felt save and let loose one of these quiet, smelling ones. That second my chef comes to me and sits right next to me to talk over something, I tried not to move to let the smell in the chair, well didn't work. Rotten eggs are flowers against that smell I released ^^
 
When I was in elementary school, maybe 6 or 7 years old, a women was murdered and her body left on the school grounds.

So after all the hubub, the principle was taking groups of kids and talking to them about it, explaining that there was counciling available and what have you and in the middle of her spiel, I just couldn't hold it in anymore and let loose one of the loudest farts I've ever done. It was loud enough that you couldn't really figure out the location, so I got away scot free.
 
^^ I would have blamed it on the corpse.


Let's talk about types of fart noises.

The Shy Trumpet
The Dog Cough
The Thundering Storm
The Swift Zipline

You guys know what I'm talking about...
 
tedtropy said:
Just the other day I was sitting here in my cube and, thinking the coast was clear, blasted out this nasty beast of a fart that had been boiling up for awhile. Sure enough, not five seconds after that one of the HR ladies walks in (and she's attractive, which only adds to the awkwardness) along with two new hires who were checking on some access I was setting up for them. Needless to say, the fallout hadn't quite reached its half-life and I could kind of tell she was wincing abit but being polite about it it, all while I was trying to decide if I should make a comment along the lines of "I promise, I don't normally smell like this."

She's been in since and hasn't said anything, but really, what could you say about a horrible thing like that?
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My co-worker buddy and I were discussing this the other day.

According to our theory: If you hadn't crop dusted then you would not have seen another human for the rest of the day.

I suppose it's more or less Murphy's Law

Same rules apply to the day you look your best and no one sees you.
The next day you're sporting glasses and grimy hair and the world has its eyes on you.
 
I remember letting one rip in front of one of my Drill Sergeants during an inspection at Basic Training. Had to be in the front-leaning rest for the rest of the time. :lol

And not me, but the wife and I were getting it on after a good night out drinking and as I thrusted at one point, she lets out a decent fart and I feel the blowback on my nuts. We laughed for about several minutes before getting back at it again.
 
I ripped one in an elevator when I was alone on my way to my floor. Reeked like hell. Of course it stops right after I fart, and innocent person walks into it. The rest of the ride was a bit awkward...
 
ScOULaris said:
You read that right. I guess being hunched over my desk in such an awkward fashion put pressure on my bowels and forced out a fart that was so intense it woke me from my slumber. I full-on ripped ass. We're talking Whoopee Cushion here. As if the thunderous noise of my fart vibrating between my asscheeks and the hard seat didn't call enough attention to me, the fact that it woke me up made it twice as embarrassing. When it happened, I immediately pulled my head from my desk and sat up perfectly straight, leaving no doubt for anyone in the class that I was the source of the gaseous interruption.
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Kudos OP, you made laugh out loud with this. :lol
 
My mom told me the story about my dad emptying a tour group out of a "museum/historical house" in Louisiana with his farts. It was really that bad that the tour guide told everyone to go outside for a bit. My dad apparently couldn't stop cracking up and my mom felt horrified. This was before my brother and I were born.

I remember our first family trip to Disneyworld. We were at Epcot Center and my dad really needed to use the bathroom. At the time, it was just me, my brother, and my dad; I'm not sure where my mom was. My dad did not want to leave my brother and I unattended so he told us to come into the bathroom while he takes care of business. He rushes us in there and slams one of the bathroom stall doors. My brother and I are just waiting there thinking what ride we'll do next! Suddenly, continuous farts and other various shitting noises fill the bathroom. My dad's having explosive diarrhea. My brother and I start laughing and yelling. Then the smell figuratively drenches us. It was, needless to say, disgusting. My brother and I say things like, "hurry up, dad. it's so gross!" "I know, guys. One minute!" He exits the stall, washes his hands, says "don't look in there. come on, we have to go." He described it later to us; I guess he shat all over the stall's walls and toilet. From now on, whenever a family member has explosive diarrhea, we refer to it as "having an Epcot."

In 2009, my parents got themselves a Wii for christmas. We had an aunt and uncle over for lunch. After lunch, my parents wanted to show them what the Wii was like since my uncle was interested in it too. My parents were still pretty new to it so I had to guide them through it and say what button to push/motion to do/etc. My dad was sucking at the Wii baseball getting strike after strike. I told him to swing fast and hard. He began to swing with all his might; he hit the ball! But in his excitement of swinging so hard, he didn't realize he simultaneously let out a giant, resounding fart. Everyone was laughing and he was like "ooh! I got a home run!" "YEAH THAT'S NOT ALL YOU GOT!" :lol
 
I don't have a story that is much different from you guys but I have a really hard time not bursting out laughing when someone in a neighboring stall busts ass.

One day last month I was sitting there doing my thing and somebody comes in hurriedly and drops drawers and then echos a massive fart throughout the bathroom. I completely lost it and even he started laughing. It is even harder to hold back laughter when someone comes up to a urinal next to you and farts while I am standing there trying to pee. Those situations are much more embarrassing. I can't help it though.

Farts have been and always will be hilarious.

I had a friend that could do the air suck into the butt farting on command thing only he did it on all fours. He would arch his back like a cat when he did it and just fart over and over and over and over again. These were substantial blasts too.
 
Maybe not embarrassing, but related:

My dad got so ticked at marketing folks constantly calling their house that he once picked up the phone, ripped into the receiver, and hung up on them without batting an eye.

TylerD said:
I don't have a story that is much different from you guys but I have a really hard time not bursting out laughing when someone in a neighboring stall busts ass.

One day last month I was sitting there doing my thing and somebody comes in hurriedly and drops drawers and then echos a massive fart throughout the bathroom. I completely lost it and even he started laughing. It is even harder to hold back laughter when someone comes up to a urinal next to you and farts while I am standing there trying to pee.

Farts are hilarious.
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This. This happens in our work bathrooms constantly and while they're at the urinals.
It's almost like they stifle them all day until they get into the restroom.
 
DangerStepp said:
My dad got so ticked at marketing folks constantly calling their house that he once picked up the phone, ripped into the receiver, and hung up on them without batting an eye.
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sucks for the next person to use the phone
 
A guy here at work always has the worst gas. The best part he will come by with his no doubt shit stained balls and crop dust the entire office en route, I can still smell it on him. So the other day I was running low on buffers and was practically crowning, I mean I was touching cloth at this point, so while he was on an important meeting call, I released the last buffer I had and nearly shit my pants. Since he was obviously leading the meeting he had no choice but to let it cover his eyebrows and lids in a fine fecal mist. This joy cost me though as I hobbled down the hall to the bathroom, no time for an ass gasket and unloaded. This bathroom is always full so luckily one stall was free, but I had to sit there and fill my lungs with fecal mist as a result, but god damn it was worth it. I almost always shit exclusively at home, but i learned two years back that if you have to go, dont hold it. I literally made it all the way home from work (an hours drive)and as soon as my front tires hit the curb, it forced me to shit my pants right in the driveway. Defeated I walked in, put down my coat and briefcase, and threw out my pants and socks while looking at my terrible muscle tone in the mirror before getting into the shower.
 
Nostalgic Nightmare said:
I literally made it all the way home from work (an hours drive)and as soon as my front tires hit the curb, it forced me to shit my pants right in the driveway. Defeated I walked in, put down my coat and briefcase, and threw out my pants and socks while looking at my terrible muscle tone in the mirror before getting into the shower.
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:lol x 1000

nostalgic nightmare indeed.
 
zesty said:
I used to work at Circuit City and had a sales manager that would sneak up behind customers I was talking to, drop a rotten ass bomb, and then GTFO. It was simultaneously annoying and hilarious.
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That explains why Circuit City had to close its doors.
 
I was at the gym the other night, there were maybe like 4-5 guys there total.

This one dude on the squat rack had his earbuds on and he was doing heavy weights.

Dude farted like one or two times while squatting. Not a single fk was given. lol
 
Clydefrog said:
I remember our first family trip to Disneyworld. We were at Epcot Center and my dad really needed to use the bathroom. At the time, it was just me, my brother, and my dad; I'm not sure where my mom was. My dad did not want to leave my brother and I unattended so he told us to come into the bathroom while he takes care of business. He rushes us in there and slams one of the bathroom stall doors. My brother and I are just waiting there thinking what ride we'll do next! Suddenly, continuous farts and other various shitting noises fill the bathroom. My dad's having explosive diarrhea. My brother and I start laughing and yelling. Then the smell figuratively drenches us. It was, needless to say, disgusting. My brother and I say things like, "hurry up, dad. it's so gross!" "I know, guys. One minute!" He exits the stall, washes his hands, says "don't look in there. come on, we have to go." He described it later to us; I guess he shat all over the stall's walls and toilet. From now on, whenever a family member has explosive diarrhea, we refer to it as "having an Epcot."
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I just had to use a tissue to wipe up my tears at work from laughing so hard :lol
 
SUPARSTARX said:
I was at the gym the other night, there were maybe like 4-5 guys there total.

This one dude on the squat rack had his earbuds on and he was doing heavy weights.

Dude farted like one or two times while squatting. Not a single fk was given. lol
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Guys farting while spotting me on bench press in football weight room was simultaneously hilarious, disgusting and really dangerous. So many heavy protein farts.
 
I was in History class in high school and the entire class had been given time to read a book we had been given. The room was silent as everyone read. I made an attempt at a silent one, but those plastic school chairs are nasty. I let out a long semi-loud fart.

I don't know what I was thinking but I decided to continue reading my book for a bit, pretending nothing happened. I foolishly thought the rest of the class may do the same. I figured all was going well as the class continued to remain silent. I decided to look up to see the status and the entire class (teacher included) was staring at me, then at once they all burst out laughing.
 
Clydefrog said:
My mom told me the story about my dad emptying a tour group out of a "museum/historical house" in Louisiana with his farts. It was really that bad that the tour guide told everyone to go outside for a bit. My dad apparently couldn't stop cracking up and my mom felt horrified. This was before my brother and I were born.

I remember our first family trip to Disneyworld. We were at Epcot Center and my dad really needed to use the bathroom. At the time, it was just me, my brother, and my dad; I'm not sure where my mom was. My dad did not want to leave my brother and I unattended so he told us to come into the bathroom while he takes care of business. He rushes us in there and slams one of the bathroom stall doors. My brother and I are just waiting there thinking what ride we'll do next! Suddenly, continuous farts and other various shitting noises fill the bathroom. My dad's having explosive diarrhea. My brother and I start laughing and yelling. Then the smell figuratively drenches us. It was, needless to say, disgusting. My brother and I say things like, "hurry up, dad. it's so gross!" "I know, guys. One minute!" He exits the stall, washes his hands, says "don't look in there. come on, we have to go." He described it later to us; I guess he shat all over the stall's walls and toilet. From now on, whenever a family member has explosive diarrhea, we refer to it as "having an Epcot."

In 2009, my parents got themselves a Wii for christmas. We had an aunt and uncle over for lunch. After lunch, my parents wanted to show them what the Wii was like since my uncle was interested in it too. My parents were still pretty new to it so I had to guide them through it and say what button to push/motion to do/etc. My dad was sucking at the Wii baseball getting strike after strike. I told him to swing fast and hard. He began to swing with all his might; he hit the ball! But in his excitement of swinging so hard, he didn't realize he simultaneously let out a giant, resounding fart. Everyone was laughing and he was like "ooh! I got a home run!" "YEAH THAT'S NOT ALL YOU GOT!" :lol
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I think this may be my favorite post in this thread so far. :lol :lol
 
ScOULaris said:
I know, I know... this is an incredibly inane and immature topic, but I'm bored at work.

For me, it was in my Computer Science class in college. I was in a classroom (with desks, not just seats like in a lecture hall) with about 50 other students. I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, so I ended up falling asleep with my head down on my desk halfway through class. About ten minutes later, I farted myself awake.
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:lol that fucking sucks
Clydefrog said:
I remember our first family trip to Disneyworld. We were at Epcot Center and my dad really needed to use the bathroom. At the time, it was just me, my brother, and my dad; I'm not sure where my mom was. My dad did not want to leave my brother and I unattended so he told us to come into the bathroom while he takes care of business. He rushes us in there and slams one of the bathroom stall doors. My brother and I are just waiting there thinking what ride we'll do next! Suddenly, continuous farts and other various shitting noises fill the bathroom. My dad's having explosive diarrhea. My brother and I start laughing and yelling. Then the smell figuratively drenches us. It was, needless to say, disgusting. My brother and I say things like, "hurry up, dad. it's so gross!" "I know, guys. One minute!" He exits the stall, washes his hands, says "don't look in there. come on, we have to go." He described it later to us; I guess he shat all over the stall's walls and toilet. From now on, whenever a family member has explosive diarrhea, we refer to it as "having an Epcot."
Click to expand...
:lol:lol brilliant
 
friend of mine farted in one of the stalls at work. it wasnt a "brrrrrrrrraaaaaaaap" fart but more like a loud POP. i mean firecracker LOUD. it sounded like it actually hurt. i still laugh about it to this day. he came out looking injured.
 
I was in the elevator just the other day going up to my apartment and I really had to fart. The elevator was a bit crowded but emptied out around the 11th floor and I was going to the 24th. So as soon as the door closed I ripped a huge, stinky one and felt much better, until the elevator stopped on the 12th floor and this guy got in, smelled it, looked at me, and then stood there probably holding his breath as he went to the 19th floor. When we arrived he literally ran out of the elevator. :lol
 
I remember another time I went into a jeans store and for some reason I caught shits again. While changing into the jeans I began to fart and was hesitant to give the Rep the jeans back b/c I was afraid it smelled like fart. I wasted 45 min of that poor girls life b.c of my embarrassment.
 
I am silent guy but me and my friend were once wwfing with other dudes and my friend was sitting on the other dudes chest almost in the throat and he farted the loudest and most musically correct fart. The guy below did not eat that night. He felt like he was raped. :lol
 
Freshman year in ROTC class we were doing sit-ups and a guy was kneeling on my feet to keep them down. Well, I was doing work and was almost to 20 when I let one loose as I pulled up towards him. It was loud and wet sounding. The guy jumped up, the people on either side of me scooted over and the entire class started laughing at me. The teacher made me finish my sit-ups though :lol
 
I used to get really bad fart attacks after a first date, because I'd be totally clamped down back there. One time, after she shut her door post-kiss, I let rip as I wheeled around and started down the hall. Just as I reached the stairs, she opens the door to tell me something and gets hit in the face with a Dook-grade beef ghost.

The lesson?

Vent throughout the night like normal, or hold it in until you have exited the building.
 
7th grade science class when we were watching a movie. I had to sneeze, but didn't have to fart. So whatever I go for it and as soon as I do I sneeze and fart at the same time. Worst of all was that I was sitting on those damn hard plastic fart amplifying chairs. It was short, but so incredibly loud. My friend next to me was the only one who laughed and no one else really cared.
 
i cant remember that last time iv farted in public but i do have 2 funny moments.

once i was walking out of a liquor store and i heard someone rip ass....as i look to my left some girl was walking by and i guess she didnt think anyone was around. thing that sucks is she looks back and notices me looking at her.

another time was when me and a few friends where walking out of the theater as a movie was ending. once we where at the dark small hallway he says hes going to "crop dust" the people behind us and he lets one go....fucking jack ass :lol
 
DontTouchMe said:
7th grade science class when we were watching a movie. I had to sneeze, but didn't have to fart. So whatever I go for it and as soon as I do I sneeze and fart at the same time. Worst of all was that I was sitting on those damn hard plastic fart amplifying chairs. It was short, but so incredibly loud. My friend next to me was the only one who laughed and no one else really cared.
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Sneeze farts are the worst, feels like you just ripped yourself several new assholes. It's painful.


Once in 6th grade we were in the middle of a test and I drop my pencil. As I reach for my pencil on the floor this huge, nasty fart comes ripping out of my ass. Obviously everyone hears it in disbelief. I sit again normally and say "It's a natural thing" and the class bursts out laughing. From time to time I am reminded of this from friends that were in that classroom :lol
 
In the face of my cousin's wife.

We were playing HORSE and she was sitting on the steps of their front porch. I walked over next to her to attempt a long 3 pointer and I accidentally let a fart go as I took my shot. I actually don't think she noticed, thankfully it didn't stink. But yeah, I farted in her face. Like a boss.
 
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