Most embarrassing place you've ever farted?

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When I was about 15 I had a really bad stomach bug which was affecting me both ends. So one day I jumped out the bath about to be sick, as I was throwing up badly into the bowl there was a feeling building in my bowels all of a sudden a fart followed which ensued in shit squirting out my ass into a pile on the floor. I didn't know what to do and couldn't stop either end.

My dad comes up afterwards as I'm trying to clean up and he's like 'Jesus Christ who let the cows in!'

Good Times!:lol
 
I have resolved that if I ever fart in public again, I am going to say "wazzunt me" like Shaggy. I'm positive it could diffuse any situation.
 
During really passionate sex, right when I came, so like a moan-fart. First time I ever finished finished sex with laughter, luckily she thought it was funny as well.
 
I have no specific fart but the ones that are the most embarrassing have to be when you cut the cheese in a seemingly "safe zone" where you think no one is around or will come. And then BAM like a slap to the face they walk around a corner into it or walk in the room. Fucking sucks.
 
I once ripped one of those nose-burning sulfur farts while riding on the DC Metro. It was the 4th of July and the car was packed. People were gagging and cursing, thankfully nobody was able to trace it back to me.
 
Another time, I was in a crowded newsagent. I let a silent one go; it was quite hot so I knew the smell was going to be rancid. It didn't disappoint, it was actually much worse than I could have imagined.

About 10-15 seconds after I let it go, one of the staff members walked down the isle I was in, blasting from a can of Glen20 odour repellent. I felt a little bad, but also quite proud.
 
Since we're on the topic, I would like to share a little trick with you.

Fart into a glass jar and then cover the opening with your hand (or just put a lid on if you have one). Once you're locked and loaded, go up to your friend/enemy/sibling and uncap the jar right in their face. Trust me when I say this... If you have particularly rancid farts, this method of attack can literally cause people to faint.

I did this to my brother once unexpectedly. His knees went all wobbly and his eyes rolled back into his head for a second. It was damn-near a TKO via concentrated ass spray.

Out of curiosity, I farted into a jar again and then smelled it myself. It was NAUSEATING, and this is coming from a guy who generally enjoys the scent of his own anal evacuations.
 
mrkgoo said:
Girls don't fart.


Pretty much... this thread is funny as hell. Y'all are way to comfortable with yourselves though.

I only fart in the bathroom, while I'm taking a shower or I'm home alone.

Fresh air GAF FTW
 
Ok, I was working at the express lane of a grocery store when I was much younger. It was busy and I was trying to get people through my line as quickly as possible. Why? Not because its good customer service but because I was holding in the mother of all farts, Queen Fartifa.

So all was going well, but my shift manager (a very short guy, around 5'1"), completely ignorant of the evil I was holding at bay, decided that this would be an ideal time to come up behind me and do the whole 'two finger both hands abdomen poke' and ...

http://bit.ly/hcxTyb

But I never gave him a chance to say anything. I just started talking and didn't stop and walked away to minimize the evil I just unleashed into the world.
 
ScOULaris said:
Fart into a glass jar and then cover the opening with your hand (or just put a lid on if you have one).

Or you could simply use your hand and give them a "Buttercup" or depending on your "flatus" my personal favorite the "Warm Buttercup".
 
CrocMother said:
During really passionate sex, right when I came, so like a moan-fart. First time I ever finished finished sex with laughter, luckily she thought it was funny as well.
same here
 
I came into law class late and had to sit in the front row. There was 150 people in the lecture hall, the room was flat and wide so the people were scattered. I actually hated law, it was probably the professor who was a mean old bitch and bore a striking resemblance to a fat, old, short Mary Poppins. Professor Kramer was lecturing about tort law and I didn't give a shit because my stomach was fucking aching.

See class started at 3 pm and I managed to show up at 4 pm, an hour late I know. The reason I was late was because I was studying in the library for an exam later in the evening. So from about 10 to about 3:30 I was studying, afterwards I decided to grab a slice of pizza and then head over to class to catch the last hour of the lecture.

The problem was that the pizza I had half an hour earlier wasn't exactly agreeing with me. It might have been the hot sauce I poured all over it or it could have been the coke I had with it, but it did something to me that day. As I was sitting in there, in class, my stomach was growling and I had the strong feeling to let gas escape me. I hold it in because there are people sitting next to me and behind me.

That was a mistake, I should have just let the first one out slowly or gone to the bathroom. But I was stubborn, I decided to hold it in and wait for the end of the lecture. I did not want to get up and leave the room in the middle of a lecture, especially since I did the same thing 15 minutes earlier coming in. My stomach was making large growling noises with every minute and they were getting louder. It was someone was dropping depth charges and they were getting closer to the sub. The rumble of the charges were wreaking havoc on my stomach and the was loud enough that the person sitting next to me started to hear faint sounds of my stomach.

I let loose a small silent pocket bomb, only letting out a little gas, hoping this will ease my stomach pains. That doesn't help the pain, but the charges have stopped a bit. I sit up and try to ease up and relax. Then out of no where someone sunk my battle ship and my stomach makes some kind of stomach fart. It sounded like someone let loose a loud one, the guy next to me looks at me and starts giggling. My face goes red from embarrassment and little beads of sweat are on my forehead. Five minutes pass and I start to think that its finally over, the pain is gone. The sub is taking on water,p but the crew is alive and the damage is minimal. Bang. The fucking Red October comes out of no where and blows my sub out of the water. The noise was louder and I swear mrs. Kramer glanced in my direction, the guy to me started giggling like a horny school girl. That's when I decided that I had to let the gas out of my ass.

I start slowly at first, letting them out in small pockets. I hope no one will notice and that the smell is non existent, I was wrong. The first pocket was an perfect execution, the second was flawless, the third dropped the bomb. The immediate blast radius hit me first, the smell was funky. I stop the bombs for a good 5 minutes and I begin again for fear of the torpedo attacks. But again that was a mistake, I let the fourth bomb out, it was out of control. A balloon letting all the helium escape, that was my ass, even the sound was the same. Worst part was the smell, again it hit me first, rancid mixed with funk. It spread like a cloud, our giggling school girl actually got up and switched seats. I sat there with a red face. I waited until the lecture was over and got the fuck out.
 
FairyD said:
I let loose a small silent pocket bomb, only letting out a little gas, hoping this will ease my stomach pains. That doesn't help the pain, but the charges have stopped a bit. I sit up and try to ease up and relax. Then out of no where someone sunk my battle ship and my stomach makes some kind of stomach fart. It sounded like someone let loose a loud one, the guy next to me looks at me and starts giggling. My face goes red from embarrassment and little beads of sweat are on my forehead. Five minutes pass and I start to think that its finally over, the pain is gone. The sub is taking on water,p but the crew is alive and the damage is minimal. Bang. The fucking Red October comes out of no where and blows my sub out of the water. The noise was louder and I swear mrs. Kramer glanced in my direction, the guy to me started giggling like a horny school girl. That's when I decided that I had to let the gas out of my ass.

I start slowly at first, letting them out in small pockets. I hope no one will notice and that the smell is non existent, I was wrong. The first pocket was an perfect execution, the second was flawless, the third dropped the bomb. The immediate blast radius hit me first, the smell was funky. I stop the bombs for a good 5 minutes and I begin again for fear of the torpedo attacks. But again that was a mistake, I let the fourth bomb out, it was out of control. A balloon letting all the helium escape, that was my ass, even the sound was the same. Worst part was the smell, again it hit me first, rancid mixed with funk. It spread like a cloud, our giggling school girl actually got up and switched seats. I sat there with a red face. I waited until the lecture was over and got the fuck out.

I am dying here :lol :lol :lol
 
tirminyl said:
Freshman year in ROTC class we were doing sit-ups and a guy was kneeling on my feet to keep them down. Well, I was doing work and was almost to 20 when I let one loose as I pulled up towards him. It was loud and wet sounding. The guy jumped up, the people on either side of me scooted over and the entire class started laughing at me. The teacher made me finish my sit-ups though :lol
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Me and my GF at the time were snuggling in bed on a rainy afternoon. I felt so content that a pocket gas bomb was going through me unnoticed and unattended to. When it finally happened it was like a mushroom-cloud had formed under the sheets.

My girl wanted to throw the sheets off and run for it, yet I calmly explained that those sheets were the very thing, nay, walls, keeping the gas between us and it. The gas filtered through the covers daring us to put caution to the wind and jump. We had to once the smell reached the top of the sheets and could be contained no longer.

Funny, funny times.
 
I used to be a gymnast. Every other day in high school, between classes, random friends would get me to do backflips in the hallways. Annoying, but I'm an attention whore.

Well, I blasted ass mid-way through a flip one day, causing quite a bit of embarrassment. People were on the floor laughing. Strangely, I think it gave me a bit of a boost. Best backflip I ever did.
 
This happened just a few days ago and it wasn't me who farted. I went into a public bathroom and there was a guy using the urinal against the wall. There was a stall in the back of the bathroom and i had to walk by the urinal guy to get to it. So im walking and the second i pass behind the urinal guy he farts loud...right on me. Who does shit like that, honestly. I was shocked but i just kept walking and went into the stall, dude was gone by the time i came out.
 
Yesterday on a bus full of coworkers on the way to work I fell asleep in the seat listening to music on my headphones. I woke up when I ripped ass so loud it woke me up. All of my coworkers were staring.
 
Ran into a bathroom once with my ass holding in for dear life a shit intent on an anal apocalypse. As I entered the bathroom a trail of musical stench followed me as the civilians inside the bathroom looked on in horror.

It was the female bathroom.
 
In front of a customer at work. Right after telling them how professional our business is. The fact that I laughed after doing it didn't help my case.
 
AwesomePossum said:
Ran into a bathroom once with my ass holding in for dear life a shit intent on an anal apocalypse. As I entered the bathroom a trail of musical stench followed me as the civilians inside the bathroom looked on in horror.

It was the female bathroom.
Oh no :lol
 
AwesomePossum said:
Ran into a bathroom once with my ass holding in for dear life a shit intent on an anal apocalypse. As I entered the bathroom a trail of musical stench followed me as the civilians inside the bathroom looked on in horror.

It was the female bathroom.
Hahahahahhaha oh my god.

I fucking hate Code Red shits. They always come out of nowhere.
 
mrkgoo said:
Girls don't fart.
Lies. Got farted on while performing oral sex (did not smell) didnt care much since I was trying to escape her leg's deathgrip.

Another time, she was sitting on my lap, made her laugh and I felt the vibration on my legs. Didn't care much either but she was so embarassed I just HAD to remind her from time to time acting outraged for the lulz.

As for me, I must have a some kind of super human control over my asshole, I always manage to pass them silently if needed. It's just a matter of getting it out where I'll provoke the less collateral damage possibe.
 
Farted mid-thrust during sex a couple weeks ago. We had to stop for a couple minutes because she was laughing so hard she couldn't breathe. Thankfully it was just a pocket of air and not a bomb, otherwise we probably wouldn't have been in the mood to finish.
 
I remember once I was with my gf at the time. She was in the passenger seat and she really had to fart. So I told her go ahead. She's a tiny girl about 5 ft 98 lbs but she let out the loudest fart I have ever heard. It was the most disgusting yet awesome sound. We laughed the whole time. Then rolled down the windows because she stunk up the car.
 
mrkgoo said:
Girls don't fart.


they do but not as often. they tend to store it in their assholes like fine wine but unlike wine it doesnt get better with age.... horribly putrid smells.


people doing the p90x program have the worst farts ever. the mix of the crappy food and protein creates farts that not only smell worse than that liquid ass stuff but also linger for hours.
 
Terrell said:
In front of a customer at work. Right after telling them how professional our business is. The fact that I laughed after doing it didn't help my case.
:lol :lol :lol Oh gawd this one had me in stitches! I can just imagine it.

You: I assure you, you won't find a company in this industry more professional than-BURRRRHHH!!
Customer: Did you just have an anal eruption?
You: Ahem... yes, well that is neither here nor there.
 
Middle of an exam, the hall was perfectly silent. And then i let it rip.

Though i found it pretty damn funny at the time xD
 
I had a problem recently (that's now alleviated) where my body is constantly trying to expel gas. Of course, I had classes to go to, events to be at, people to be around, so for the majority of the time, I had to hold it in. Even then, and I guess due to pressure build up, I felt like I was leaking. Even trying to force it in wouldn't work. Gas escaped, and molecules ended up in people's noses.

Of course, I get so embarrassed. My face gets red, I start feeling really hot, and I start looking at a clock or a cell phone to constantly check how much time is remaining until I can rush to the bathroom.

It got worse. Holding the gases in eventually caused my body to start making noises. It's like my intestines were causing involuntary fart noises internally. The only way to stop them is to release gas.

Anyway, it can't be good for the body.
 
In a taxi, on the way back from an Indian restaurant with my girlfriend and her family.

We hit a bump and I passed a tiny squeak of a thing, an insignificant blip on the edge of human hearing. Within a minute the cab had filled with such an unholy stench that it caused the driver to pull over, calmly open his door and vomit into the street.
 
Vik_Vaughn said:
Wow, I'm crying reding through this thread. Some of you sure are reserved about your farting. I guess I come from somewhat of a 'farting' family. Someone in my family always seems to have horrible gas at literally any function we end up at. We can't ever get away with it, because after all these years, we all find farting incredibly hilarious. Church, school, dinners, business meetings (family business), you name it, one of us has ripped terrible ass there.

Hell, because of the family business we're in (office environment, Me, my dad, brother, aunt, uncle, sister, bro-in-law, and 30 other people), not a week goes by where one of us doesn't blast a loud fart over the intercom. The worst is when my brother-in-law calls my extension, only to fire a sharp rip right in the earpiece.

Another example is that pretty much every person who has dated any of my sisters has been awakened by a 'bare-assed' fart in the face by either myself or brother-in-law.

Best office environment ever. :lol
 
I think most work environments could benefit from intraoffice fart shenanigans.

Boss: Johnson, how are those TPS reports coming along?
Johnson: Almost done. And one more thing... BRRRRRAAAAAP!
Boss: Hahaha! Johnson, you slay me. How does a promotion sound?
Johnson: Well, sir, I'd imagine it sounds something like this. FFFUUUURRRP!
Boss: You've got moxie.
 
Bru said:
Within a minute the cab had filled with such an unholy stench that it caused the driver to pull over, calmly open his door and vomit into the street.
Damn, he really vomited? You must have some stank-ass colon breath, my friend.
 
Bru said:
In a taxi, on the way back from an Indian restaurant with my girlfriend and her family.

We hit a bump and I passed a tiny squeak of a thing, an insignificant blip on the edge of human hearing. Within a minute the cab had filled with such an unholy stench that it caused the driver to pull over, calmly open his door and vomit into the street.
:lol :lol :lol Oh god. I'm losing it here, haha.
 
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