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[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Our beloved Ronito, the great sin eater of GAF, has earned his rest. In a fit of ocean madness, he has conferred the responsibilities on to me.

People have been waiting a long while for the Anonymous Confessions thread to return. I was originally gonna wait till November, for the Holidays, but then I figured... why wait?



The how:
Send secret confessions to gafconfess@gmail.com
I'll check it periodically and post them here.
You can look for an anonymous emailer out there. There must be one. I will not post email addresses. But if you don't want it coming back to you take some care of your own identity.

The rules:
1. Try to keep it as clean as possible.
2. Don't make stuff up.
3. Don't admit to anything seriously illegal. You can and will get in trouble. Anonymity only goes so far.
4. None of this "then a couple of guys who were up to no good..." crap.
5. Don't make stuff up.
6. Remember detective GAF: Don't put anything out there that you don't want public.
7. Anything emailed has the consent to be posted.
8. Don't post anything that would make GAF liable.
9. Be nice.
10. Don't make stuff up.

Always in our hearts

In case you're new and wondering how it works... previous Confession threads:


November? More like Confessember! Anonymous Confessions/Advice Thread 2013
GAF Anonymous Confessions thread 4.0 the last huzzah

Table of Contents:

So, now Confessember is over, and CesspoolofHatred has graciously (and lovingly) created a table of contents linking every single Anonymous Confession that was submitted this year:

It Begins

Warioware Microconfessions (One-Sentence)

NotTheGuyYouKill is a Lamer

Oh I Just Can’t Wait to be Pegged

Giving Gaffers Warts

My Ex Broke Up With Me Over GAF

Shipping NTGYK and Ronito

<Name changed to THIEF>

Confessing to Pam

Finding Friends With Benefits

Mobile Confessions (One Paragraph)

Go Here

Indie Confessions (Two Paragraph)

Furry Who Likes Perfumed Horses (and thinks everyone is a hypocrite)

I Hire Prostitutes to Act Out My Incest Fantasies (but they’re not very good at it)

I Still Like This Girl That Had Been Seeing Another Guy The Whole Time

I’m a Sex Addict Who Gets Off 8 Times a Day

Long-Distance BDSM Relationship

I Still Think About My Ex-GF Even Though I’m Married

I’m a Mom-Con

I Have a Diaper/Age-Regression Fetish But I Have a Great Girlfriend

Pee, Pee, Pee Against the Currents of Running Water

Struggling with Racist Thoughts

Gets Off On People Laughing at Small Dicks

Heartbroken Over an Ended Relationship

Duped a International Student into Taking Selfies So He Could Fap

Can’t Connect With People Because of Roommate Suicide

Hates His Body, Can Only Get Off on Cuckold Porn

Garden-Shitter

My Cousin is a Dick So I Play Around With His Life for Revenge

Eh, maybe I'll edit that in Elija. Like I edited in the Mobile Confessions and the Indie Confessions.

But first!

It Continues

Handheld Confessions (Three-Paragraph)

Struggling Poet Filled with Heartbreak

I Let My Best Friend Get Herpes From His Girlfriend Cause I Shared Nudes with Her

I Masturbated in Class During Middle School

Keeps Finances From His Spouse Because “You Can’t Trust a Girl With Money”

The Mythical Clit Ring in My Girlfriend’s Car

I’m a Virgin Software Engineer and I’m Happy With Myself

I Envy All My Friends

I Was Homeschooled By My Mom and I Cheated On Everything

In Love With Best Friend, But He’s Cheating on His SO With Me

Coming Out as Transgender and Starting the Process

Got a Kid Suspended in 3rd Grade By Writing a Note

Got Dog-Jobs as a Teen and Let the Dog Free to Cover it Up My Animal Abuse

I Expose Prostitutes To Their Loved Ones Because It Amuses Me

I’m Bi and I Have a Girlfriend. Potential for a Threesome?

I Have a Skype Girlfriend

He Sent This From His Wife’s E-Mail Account

Sex Bores Me

Manager With a Diet Racist Employee

It’s Tough to Get Out of Bed in the Morning

30-Year-Old Is Still a Virgin, Is Perfectly Okay With It

Never Carry Buckets of Piss, You Might Spill Them

An Actual Fucking Misogynist, Goddamn

EDIT: Console and Big-Budget Confessions are now split up

It Continues

Console Confessions (Medium)

Asexual Guy Who Hates Dan Savage

I’m Addicted to Masturbating (TEN TIMES A DAY)

Woman Struggling with Pedophilic Thoughts

My Girl Treated Me Like Shit But I Keep Coming Back, Please Help Me

I Had Herpes on My Lips Since Birth, Now I Might Have Genital Herpes

I Have OCD And I Don’t Know if I’m Gay

SCUMBAG DAD

Silky Touch, Irresistibly Smooth, Shampoo Jerker

I Hate Women Because I Think They Hate Me But I’m a Feminist Somehow

I’m Leaving You GAF

Thinks He Can’t Get Meaningful Relationships Because He’s Overweight

Dude With Low Self-Esteem Who Doesn’t Like His Face

Found My Best Friend Flirting With Other Girls Online

I Hate My Friends’ Girlfriends And I Do Horrible Things To Them

Extremely Confused About His Sexuality

My Father Is A Sex-Driven Scumbag

I Like The Head Cashier and I’m a Closeted Bisexual

I Chew On Everything

Eats Wired Stuff and… Other Things

I Was A Dick To My Sister And I Still Am

I Hate All Asexuals Because of One Person

I’m a Chronic Liar (No I’m Not)

Combination of Mental Illnesses, Home Sucks, Wants to Move Out

Doesn’t Like People Who Post Gifs Because “It’s Not Theirs”

Went Down the Rabbit Hole to /h/

F1 and B1 Confessor from Last Thread, Life Has Improved

Pedoconfessor Ducks Out Of Therapy From Fear

19 Year Old Realizes He’s Literally 5 Years Behind Mentally and Emotionally

Mid-Life Crisis, Too Tired for Sex

Big-Budget Confessions (Long)

I Massaged My Cousin But I Didn’t Take a Chance

Scumbag Sleazy Retail Manager

My Personality is Not Popular With Girls, Also I Talk a Lot

I Fake My Way Through Intimacy

I Got Out of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

My Girlfriend Cheated on Me and I Plotted My Revenge for Six Years

He Wants To Fuck His Wife More Than Once a Week

Crossdresser With a Great Wife

Can’t Come With Vaginal, Among Other Problems

Became an Alcoholic at Age 9, Fucked Up Family in General

My Boyfriend Broke Up With Me and I Feel Fine (He Doesn’t Though)

I Have a Fiancee and a Girlfriend And I’m a Serial Cheater

I Gave Some Hookers a Ride in My Car

I’m a Feminist Gamer But I Write Rape Fanfiction

Self-Diagnosed Psychopath With a Horrid Life

Possibly Bipolar With a Terrible Family

Boy Scout Hazing is Absolutely Terrifying

My Marriage Is a Living Hell of a Façade

Shy Dude Has Two Girls He Likes

The Genocidal Ultra-Cynic (AKA Ra’s al Ghul’s Less Charismatic Offspring)

Strip Club Bouncer is a Horrid Person

Virgin Anxiety, Fears Being a Wizard

First Girlfriend Had Sex Before, Now I Feel Like a Tool

Internet Sports Betting Saved My Life

Mentally Abusive HIV-Positive Former Drug Addict Who Dates Guys 20 Years His Senior

My Girlfriend is Mentally Ill and I Knocked Her Up

Former 35-Year-Old Virgin Enters a Relationship and Gets Sex

Guy Who Had Issues With Bullying All the Way Until College

Guy Shits His Pants and After a Fruitless Journey, Puts Them in a Plastic Bag

I Have Horrid Breath And It Drives People Away

Parent Wonders What His Life Would Be Like Without Kids

Redneck Becomes a Success Story, Discards It and Becomes a Redneck Again

Guy Sees What Could Be Statuatory Rape, Is Conflicted On Whether To Report It

Thank you, milord!

Okay, so I'm gonna post both the Trigger Warning and Confession Franchises here, because there's one confession that's part of a franchise that I think deserves a Trigger Warning.

Trigger Warning

TRIGGER WARNING: A Victim of Attempted Rape in High School

TRIGGER WARNING: Thinks Girls Who Had Drunk Sex Aren’t Victims Like Her

TRIGGER WARNING: Rapist Still Lives in Neighborhood

Confession Franchises

Asshole Boyfriend Who Treats His Girl Like Shit

Followup To Asshole Boyfriend

Depressed DayCare Cleaner

Followup To Depressed Daycare Cleaner

I’m Tired and Exhausted From Life and I Have No Money

Followup to Tired and Exhausted

Atheist Purity Virgin

Atheist Purity Virgin EXPOSED as a Polygamist Cult Leader

Transgender A-Cup, Part 1

A-Cup Part 2

A-Cup Part 3

Had An Affair With a Kid 10 Years Younger Than Me

Followup to 10-Year-Gap Affair

Thinks About Stabbing People

Stabber Has General Anxiety

Cumfessor, Part 1

Cumfessor, Part 2

Cumfessor, Part 3

I Suffer From Vicarious Trauma

Vicarious Trauma Followup

Prom Girl Part 1

TRIGGER WARNING: Prom Girl Part 2

Programmer Who Might Get Fired

The Programmer Returns

Struggles With Keeping a Masculine Image, But Wants To Be a Woman

Woman Trapped In a Man Responds

The Chronicles of Soulfucker

Other Responses From Soulfucker

And finally, now that all the anonymous confessions have been posted....

LINKS TO ALL THE CONFESSIONS, BY LENGTH

Microconfessions, Mobile Confessions, and Indie Confessions

Handheld Confessions

Console Confessions

Big-Budget Confessions

Trigger-Warning Confessions and Confession Franchises

Feel free to put this in the OP, NotTheGuyYouKill.

Whoo, finally done. Maybe next year I can do this from the start? That'd be nice.

<thud>

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

To get us started, here's an e-mail that's been rotting since the beginning of the year

I treat my girl like shit. Seriously, I do, and I don't mean to do it. I don't care about her opinions, I make fun of things she likes to the point where she doesn't even do them anymore. For example, I did nothing but berate her about liking How I Met Your Mother. Now, thanks to me, she doesn't do it anymore. She had a website with her art on it, and she took it down because of how I said it looked very outdated and silly.

I'm an asshole, and I don't know why. I guess I get it from my father, who's the same way. I've tried to beat it, but I keep putting my foot in my mouth before I even have a chance to think about what I was gonna say. Quite frankly, I'm amazed she's still with me. Had someone been like that to me, I would have kicked their ass out a long time ago.

My hope for the new year is to learn to be more tolerant of what other people like.

I hope you lived up to your New Year's Resolution. If not, she deserves better than you and you need to cut her loose.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Right, so... if you've been banned or if you have some sort of "RAGE RAGE AGAINST THE DYING OF THE LIGHT" message for the mods, I'm not putting that up here.

 

[Kyne]

Subbed.

 

[HUELEN10]

Right, so... if you've been banned or if you have some sort of "RAGE RAGE AGAINST THE DYING OF THE LIGHT" message for the mods, I'm not putting that up here.

Smart policy to have. You checking spam folders right? Some disposable emails get treated as spam after all.

 

[maxcriden]

Wait, ronito's posterity image needs to be his surprised girl avatar:

(can't find it anywhere, it's hilarious though)

 

[IronRinn]

Ah, my favorite time of the year.

RIP Ronito cat. I will miss the hilarity of your expression juxtaposed with something horrific and soul-crushing.

 

[dskillzhtown]

What a way to start the confessions. A guy that is mentally abusing his gf and shows little remorse and definitely doesn't care to get any help for it.

 

[Valhelm]

Here we go...

 

[FelixOrion]

Godspeed Ronito. You've earned a warrior's rest in the Halls of Valhalla.

And NGYTK: The burden you now bear is heavy. The path you will walk is long. If you waiver, you will fall. If you pause, you will lose your way. I shall pray for your safe deliverance to the other side.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Godspeed Ronito. You've earned a warrior's rest in the Halls of Valhalla.

And NGYTK: The burden you now bear is heavy. The path you will walk is long. If you waiver, you will fall. If you pause, you will lose your way. I shall pray for your safe deliverance to the other side.

I am wandering into the blasted wasteland desert that is the human soul.

 

[Orbis Tabula]

"Come on, Mister Ronito. I can't carry it for you....but I can carry you!" -NotTheGuyYouKill.

 

[Funky Papa]

Subbing.

Bring the shame, NeoGAF.

 

[Necrovex]

"Come on, Mister Ronito. I can't carry it for you....but I can carry you!" -NotTheGuyYouKill.

 

[Blargonaut]

Gird thine loins, OP.

The lost souls approacheth, thy flesh consumed.

 

[BigEvilTurtle]

Shouldn't the email be hidden in an email tag?

 

[WaffleTaco]

Probably my favorite thread to read all year, was still going page by page in December till I read the last lonely post.

 

[terrisus]

RIP NotTheGuyYouKill

 

[EloquentM]

Shouldn't the email be hidden in an email tag?

Probably

 

[John Kowalski]

Shouldn't the email be hidden in an email tag?

I don't think that has ever been the case.

 

[jasonng]

Ronito we miss you

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

After college, and having roommates of all sorts, I truly realized how many things went, for lack of better words, "over my head" when it came to sex and sexuality. Yes, I have been harassed, touched, and even raped, but none of that has anything to do with my view on sexuality. Even though I am very socially apt, there are some things only in the last 2 years I've understood, when it comes to how other people view relationships, and even though I've been in 3 great ones, my worry is how hard it is to find someone who understands me.

In 2013, I stopped trying to fit in and do what society told me, and I accepted the fact that I am asexual. I've been tempted to post about it on GAF, but I'm not willing or ready to do it because heterosexuals think I'm a repressed gay (even though I only seek women, who in turn think I'm gay because I am honest and tell them I love the, but will never have that specific connection of sexual attraction because it's not within me, and god know's I've tried), and the gay community can be just as bad and hurtful, specially Dan Savage.

So I am open with my self, live life by my terms, but know that I will never truly fit in with the rest of my friends, specially those in relationships, because I simply don't click things that way.

It honestly gets to me more than I let on, specially when those people who are my friends say and do so many things that make me feel broken...

I always knew Dan Savage was secretly a prick.

I think it's great that you've accepted yourself for what you are.

If your friends aren't willing to understand, get new friends.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

I am really in love with somebody on GAF. It hurts to post in the same places as them or associate with them. I wish I could move on. Ordinarily I would move on to the next one. A lot of fish in the sea etc. But this feels different. Deep down I wish this person would stop being in my life.

You're in love with a GAFer? You can do better.

Edit: So, I've got a few in the confessional. I won't share them in chronological order, so if you don't see yours here immediately, it just means I'm holding off on sharing it till later.

 

[davepoobond]

Ronito was half the fun!! :!

 

[Qasiel]

Hell yes, I love Gaf confessional! Subbed.

May the spirit of Ronito burn brightly in NTGYK.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Ronito was half the fun!! :!

Ow.

 

[davepoobond]

Ow.

Not a slight against you, but you have big shoes to fill, buddy

 

[John Kowalski]

Ow.

don't believe them bb you're great and cuter than ronito

xoxo

 

[FelixOrion]

don't believe them bb you're great and cuter than ronito

xoxo

back off he's mine

 

[spawnsniper]

But tos say that everything u say can and will be used against u in the court of law. If need be.

 

[davepoobond]

But tos say that everything u say can and will be used against u in the court of law. If need be.

You got something to confess?

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

But tos say that everything u say can and will be used against u in the court of law. If need be.

I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord
And I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, Oh Lord
Can you feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord

 

[Like the hat?]

My favorite thread of the year

 

[spawnsniper]

You got something to confess?

Anonymously and hope it doesnt come back to bit me in the butt. I will confess just wait for a while till this thread gets well on its way.

Either way, subbed.

 

[Sai-kun]

s u b b e d

 

[irfaanator]

good luck nottheguyyoukill

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Here's another rule:

Don't send me a message that says that you're not a member and you just lurk.

That's the lamest confession ever

 

[Buddha Beam]

Ow.

You just need a happier avatar to go with the inevitably bleak, depressing stories. You're current avatar is too spot on.

If I might make a suggestion...

 

[exmachina64]

You just need a happier avatar to go with the inevitably bleak, depressing stories. You're current avatar is too spot on.

If I might make a suggestion...

Yes!

I always knew Dan Savage was secretly a prick.

I think it's great that you've accepted yourself for what you are.

If your friends aren't willing to understand, get new friends.

This person sounds similar to a roommate I had.

To the person confessing: I'm sorry for what you've had to go through and I hope you find friends that love and accept you for who you are.

 

[m_shortpants]

Disgonbegood

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

You just need a happier avatar to go with the inevitably bleak, depressing stories. You're current avatar is too spot on.

If I might make a suggestion...

I think Ronito chose me because of my avatar.

 

[Murder. She Wrote]

What happened to ronito? :0

 

[Frustrated_Grunt]

What happened to ronito? :0

I was seriously searching for a "rip ronito" thread because I was so confused.

 

[Professor Beef]

What happened to ronito? :0

 

[Buddha Beam]

I think Ronito chose me because of my avatar.

No, no – he chose you because of who you are. Who else could withstand the spirit murdering agony of GAF's anonymous confessions?
Yes, thats right... NotTheGuyYouKill. It can't kill you! You're invincible!

I know this because I spoke to Ronito's ruined husk of a soul with my Ouija board. He also likes bananas.

 

[Featheredkitten]

Yessssss

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

No, no – he chose you because of who you are. Who else could withstand the spirit murdering agony of GAF's anonymous confessions?
Yes, thats right... NotTheGuyYouKill. It can't kill you! You're invincible!

I know this because I spoke to Ronito's ruined husk of a soul with my Ouija board. He also likes bananas.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

confesiion: i think you are lame :'(

I'm sorry I broke your heart.

 

[Featheredkitten]

I'm sorry I broke your heart.

I don't think you're lame, you're one of my favorite posters.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

I love transsexual porn(mostly the transsexual pounding a guy), futanari and trap hentai. It turns me on but I don't think I am gay. I feel like it is just a great fantasy but I do feel ashamed for enjoying it. Does that make me weird?

Two things:

1) No, it doesn't make you weird. Doesn't make you gay either, necessarily. You gotta be what you gotta be #DenzelSpeak
2) What the hell is "futanari"?