I'm a bit of a workaholic. Actually, no let me take that back. I am a HUGE workaholic. As in, it is now to the point where I prefer being at work than being at home. When I am not at work, I am generally wishing I was. Out with friends, with family, even spending time with my wife I am always wondering what I could be getting done at work instead. I dislike weekends, and I dread holidays that involve three day weekends. As for actual vacations, I never take them. I took a week off for a family wedding earlier this year, down in Cancun Mexico of all places. All expenses paid trip by the grooms family, and a few days into the festivities I made an excuse to go back home to go back to work because I just wanted to go back to work.
I wasn't always like this though, I used to have tons of hobbies. Video games, books, astronomy, hiking and fishing. But over time, work just slowly took over for me. I lost interest in my hobbies one by one, and used that as an excuse to spend more time at work. I willingly signed up for more and more overtime, thinking to myself I will invest the money for an early retirement. But now when retirement comes up, I just shrug my shoulders and admit I don't plan on retiring until I am six feet underground.
And you know what the worst part is? I know its killing me. My health has been deteriorating steadily over the past decade. I'm always sore, from the moment I wake up to the moment I go back to sleep. I actually can't lean on one of my knees anymore thanks to the pain that shoots through it. I'm pretty sure I have permanent never damage in one of my hands due to random spikes of pain and tremors it suffers. Oh, and my head is permanently tilted slightly to the right thanks to neck issues. And to think, I'm in my early thirties! I still have 30 or so years of this left unless I work myself into an even earlier grave. And I have no idea how to stop myself. The few times I have tried to take time off or cut back on my hours, I sink into a severe depression. I just don't know how to function anymore unless I am putting in my sixty hour workweeks. Having time on my hands is just a foreign concept to me, so much so that it almost frightens me. And I have a feeling that this will only be getting worse as time goes on. Even now I am thinking of picking up a weekend job just to fill up a few more hours.
I know how this will all end. I will probably end up dying young, a broken man that left nothing behind besides a legacy at work for consecutive days worked and fewest vacation days ever used. And I have no idea anymore on how to prevent it.
