I have more work to do than there are hours in the day (its 24 Gata), but let me give some brief thoughts on this.
Kave you are from Canada and I expect you have a lot of questions about things we Americans take for granted. Such as who cured AIDS (Magic Johnson), the proper container for milk (plastic) and of course everything about football which is foreign and exotic for our neighbors in the north. This is expected and nothing to be ashamed of. Similarly we have to patiently explain the benefits of flossing to Brits, why it is recommended to shower every single day to Euros, and why you shouldn't shoot that black teenager walking on the sidewalk to the subhumans from Florida.
Now remember that professional football as we know it was invented in 1966. Before that games were played in barns ("indoor") and in backyards to dozens of empty benches. Cheese was awarded to the winning team explaining why the Packers were the dominant team in what is commonly known as the "high school era". The game quickly evolved in the Super Bowl era into the greatest sport in human history. There were some dominant teams and for most of the 80s the NFC made the AFC its bitch but the game was fair and anything could truly happen on any given Sunday. Some teams showed thuggery but everything was fine with the world and football until the year 2001.
To you Canadians 2001 was just another year but to Americans this was a low point. All of our despair can be traced to Boston (the airport and the football franchise). Tammy V. Brady was drafted low out of Michigan in 2000 as a backup to the great and venerable Drew Bledsoe. A man with a cannon of an arm and good moral character. Brady on the other hand could not start in college and had zero athleticism coming into the pros and already had a reputation for stabbing his teammates in the back. He was most known for having flabby tits and love handles and for being too slow for the radar gun to clock accurately. Brady's arrival to the den of evil happened at the same time as good ol Bill "I would like to fuck your mother" Bellicheck. Bill was Parcells errand boy and sucked a fat one as a headcoach before coming to Boston. The Pats were not a good team that year and went into the playoffs without much fanfare and no way of predicting what evil was to follow.
Their first crime came against Oakland. Oakland won the game by all rights, but Tammy, the league and Bill stole the game in front of the whole nation by inventing a new rule. It was called the Fuck the Raiders rule and was somewhat controversial. Its complicated but basically the Raiders stripped the ball from Brady on a strip sack. The Raiders should have had the ball and we should have had the memory of Brady walking off the field in the tears. Instead the refs cited the above FTRR and gave the ball back to the Pats who then proceeded to kick a 50 yard FG through the snow (some say this was accomplished by rockets but there is no proof for that so lets give Adam credit for that amazing kick). The Pats went on to win the Superbowl that year defrauding the 2 best teams in football in the process. Many debate which crime was worse. Now remember Kave this is 2001, before the league changed the rules. Tom Brady was a system qb and whose best talent was checking down. The Pats had a mediocre offense and could not move the ball in the AFC Championship. Brady was really sucking serious balls. But unfortunately the fix was in and the Pats won on special teams (the Pats codename for the refs). The Steelers were a far superior team but in this game and almost came back despite the treachery but we deserved the loss because on one hit we went a little low on Brady and it resulted in a direct hit on the vagina. This will seem like a story to you now but back then you were allowed to hit qb's, even fragile Tammy (shows you how long ago this was). This ended up being a mistake because the Pats and their special teams had used up all their tricks so we would have gone on to come back and win the game but because of that injury the Pats put in a real qb who put the final stake in the coffin. The Pats then went on to rob the Rams in the SB. Obviously having stolen their plays before the game. Brady was unable to put the ball into he endzone and was saved by his FG kicker when the game was on the line (this happened in all of their tainted wins). While everyone knew that a robbery had happened and that evil was beginning to take over the NFL, most stood silent and were afraid to say anything.
The Pats continued their thuggery into the 2000s and went on to win 2 of the next 3 Superbowls. They committed grave and heinous crimes against Indiana, Pennsylvania (on multiple occasions), Carolina and Tennessee among others. New England and ESPN (their unofficial mouthpiece) perpetuated the lie that New England was a team to be emulated and came up with the saying "the Patriot way" as if it was something to emulate. To my ears it sounded like gross propoganda. But many ignorant NFL fans were buying this nonsense and the league was losing its moral compass.
Into this mess stepped the greatest handball player of all time. Jake Plummer. Jake was known for a few big college wins but the Pats entered the 2005 postseason with never having lost a postseason game. Men were chopping off their dicks to be like Brady and trying to fuck their friends mothers to be like their coach. The Pats refs were unable to make the trip due to mechanical difficulties and the game was played on a level playing field with refs who were ignorant of the league's policy of allowed the Pats to have their way. The Pats were embarrassed and the Steelers went on to end the Broncos run and the Pats reign of terror of over. The Pats owner had spent all of his cheese money to kill his wife and to buy off the league. Shortly after this failure the league released the sordid details of what "the Patriot way" really stood for. It stood for PEDs, it stood for devilry and gender confusion, it stood for fucking a married and pregnant woman in the ass and then releasing the video on the internet, and most of all it stood for cheating. Unfortunately the full extent of their cheating can never be known because the league destroyed the evidence shortly after announcing the teams punishment. As the leagues punishment all of Tom Bradys Sex in the City DVDs were destroyed and Bill Belichick had to actually sleep with his own wife for a change.
The Pats were finished as a team and Brady and Bill were exposed as liars, cheats and frauds. The league turned against them en masse. Brady the great was outplayed by Mark Sanchez and Eli Goober Manning during championship moments. Without a kicker and the refs to bail him out, his subpar skills were not enough to win the game. The Pats defense went from the best in the league to a running joke once the cameras were taken away. When the Pats swindled Oakland for the 2nd time in 2007 and got Randy Moss for nothing, they ran up the score and embraced their roles as the NFLs villain. Only to be stopped by the virgin.
This is but a small part in the story of why the Pats are evil. I was one of the first to expose their ways back in 2004. I was ridiculed at the time but now my views have taken hold and are accepted by all reasonable people.
Kave I hope this explains why we hate Tom Brady and why showers are essential.
