The Bengals continually find new and inventive ways to disappoint me every year. I knew they would disappoint me again this past season, so I told myself You know what this year, Im just not going to give a shit until they prove me otherwise.
So the Bengals tried to trick me early by going on an 8-0 winning streak, and yet every week I posted the same apathetic response to every victory: Well, that was nice but I know something horrible is in the near future. And every time, my friends, who are either Niners or Raiders fans for the most part since I live in California, would tell me Im being overly dramatic or theyre actually good this year, stop complaining or They might actually win the Super Bowl.
But they didnt understand. I knew deep down in my heart that they would disappoint me sooner or later and that the Bengals would once again reveal to me that they were in fact the Bungles as theyve always been, but even I could not have predicted how much they would break my heart in their final game of the year.
I went into that playoff game expecting the very worst. I was preparing for it like Mike Nelson and the MST3k crew prepare to watch a bad movie; just laugh my ass off at their inadequacies yet again, then drink myself silly later. I mean shit, Dalton wasnt playing (who somehow became an actually not terrible QB last season) and it was the big bad Steelers who were artists when it came to crushing the dreams of every Bengals fan in the country. But something strange happened; they were actually in the fucking game! I was shocked and completely forgot my vow not to get invested until they proved me wrong. Then AJ Fucking McCarron of all people got the lead with less than two minutes to play, then Vontaze got the interception the very next Steeler drive! I was losing my mind!
But very distantly I could hear that voice in the back of my head going, Theyre going to Bungle it and sure enough the very next play Jeremy Hill, who had had problems with holding onto the football all season, fumbled the fucking ball, losing no time off the clock and Ben Rothlisberger comes back into the game.
But it wasnt enough for the Steelers to drive down the field and win it. The Bengals had to gift wrap it for them.
Only the Bengals, in a game where I had zero expectations could make me so fucking infuriated that I could even be fiercely enraged and disappointed by a game I knew they would fucking lose.
