ALRIGHT ALRIGHT OKAY LET'S GO.
NOW, FOLKS, YOU KNOW, I TRY TO BE A GOOD CANADIAN. I DO IT FOR THE KIDS, EH. I WEAR MY TIE IN A CANADIAN WAY. I WEAR MY MAPLE LEAF-PATTERNED JACKET LIKE A REAL CANADIAN. I DRINK MY MOLSON LIKE A CANADIAN. I WRITE MY BOOKS WITH THE STYLISTIC INFLUENCE OF MARGARET ATWOOD AN' THE PASSION OF MACHIAVELLI, EH.
ANYHOW, WHAT'S THIS VIDEO WITH THIS HERE JAPANESE KID, EH? YOU KNOW, I GOT SICK TO MY STOMACH WATCHIN' THAT VIDEO. PURE DISGUST, LET ME TELL YOU. LOOK AT THE HOT-DOGGIN'! THE CAGE ON HIS FACE! THE HERT-A-WHIRLIN'! THE EUROPEEN INFLUENCE! BOY, THAT AIN'T RIGHT.
FOLKS, DON'T BE SHOWIN' THIS VIDEO TO YOUR KIDS, EH. IT'LL TEACH 'EM THAT HOT DOGGIN' IS OKAY AN' SO IS WEARIN' VISORS OR CAGES, EH. YOU GET 'EM WEARIN' A VISOR AN' HOT DOGGIN', AN' THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, THEY'RE DOIN' DRUGS AN' BURNIN' THE CANADIAN FLAG WHILE READIN' OUT THE COMMUNIST MANIFESTO, EH.
LET ME TELL YOU FOLKS OUT THERE WATCHIN' IN JAPAN, EH. THIS AIN'T GOOD HOCKEY. THIS AIN'T HOW GOOD CANADIAN KIDS PLAY HOCKEY. THAT'S HOW THE COMMIES DO IT, EH. AN' THE COMMIES ARE BAD, EH. I KNOW YOU FOLKS ARE ALL 'BOUT RESPECT AN' HONOUR AN' ALL THAT, SO DO YOURSELVES A GOOD SERVICE AN' PLAY THE GAME THE RIGHT WAY, EH. YOU CAN START BY GOIN' IN YOUR BATHROOMS, GOIN' INSIDE A STALL, LEAVIN' THE DOOR OPEN, AN' BE LIKE THE GOOD CANADIAN KIDS, EH.
NOW, LET ME TELL YOU KIDS A STORY: I WAS IN THE BATHROOM STALL, WASHIN' MY HANDS, WHEN A BUNCH OF EUROPEENS RAN INSIDE A STALL. THEY LEFT THE DOOR OPEN 'CAUSE EUROPEENS ARE AN EMBARRASSMENT TO HOCKEY, EH. ANYHOW, THEY'RE IN THE BATHROOM STALL, COMPARIN' VISORS, PRAYIN' TO A PICTURE OF TOMAS HURT-TURTLES AN' JAROME JAGGER, AN' COMPARIN' NOTES ON HOW TO BE A BETTER COMMUNIST, EH. BOY, I WAS REAL STEAMED SEEIN' 'EM DISRESPECT BATHROOMS. ALL OF A SUDDEN, A BUNCH OF GOOD CANADIAN KIDS RAN INSIDE THE NEXT STALL, LEFT THE DOOR OPEN ('CAUSE THEY'RE GOOD CANADIAN KIDS), SHOOK HANDS, AN' STARTED SINGIN' THE NATIONAL ANTHEM WHILE REJECTIN' VISAS FROM WEST AFRICAN COUNTRIES 'CAUSE OF EBOLA, EH. THOSE EUROPEENS WERE REAL EMBARRASSED, EH. THEY RAN OUT OF THE BATHROOM WITHOUT WASHIN' THEIR HANDS, AN' THEIR ECONOMY TANKED, EH.
BOY, I WAS REAL PROUD OF THOSE GOOD CANADIAN KIDS. YOU KNOW WHO THEY REMINDED ME OF? BOBBY ORR. GOD LOVE 'EM.