ALRIGHT ALRIGHT OKAY LET'S GO
NOW, YOU FOLKS KNOW I'M ALWAYS NUMBER ONE. NUMBER ONE COACH, NUMBER ONE HOST, NUMBER ONE IN STYLE, AN' NUMBER ONE CANADIAN, EH.
ANYHOW, IT'S GAME NUMBER ONE IN THE FINALS IN LA, AN' YOU KNOW BOTH TEAMS ARE PUMPED, EH. BUT THEY'RE PUMPED IN A CLASSY WAY. YOU KNOW, THEY'RE PROBABLY HOME, ATE A NICE LUNCH, TOOK A NAP, PLAYED A LITTLE SOCCER, AN' NOW THEY'RE READY TO GET ON THE ICE. THAT'S THE CANADIAN WAY OF GETTIN' READY FOR A GAME, EH. NONE OF THIS PRAYIN FOR STALIN OR DRINKIN' A BOTTLE OF VODKA, OR SINGIN' THE RUSSIAN ANTHEM. NONE OF THAT NONSENSE.
YOU KNOW HOW COMMIES GET READY FOR A GAME? THEY WAKE UP, GO TO PRACTICE, GET HOME, EAT SOMETHIN' FRUITY, PRAY TO STALIN, TAKE A NAP, PRAY TO STALIN AGAIN, CLEAN THEIR VISORS, PRAY TO STALIN ANOTHER TIME, CLEAN THEIR VISORS AGAIN, DRINK A BOTTLE OF VODKA, AN' SING THE RUSSIAN ANTHEM. REAL DISGUSTIN' STUFF THAT THE COMMUNIST MANIFESTO TELLS 'EM.
IN MY BOOK, "HOCKEY STORIES PART 2," I TEACH YOU KIDS HOW TO PREPARE FOR GAMES. LEMME GIVE YOU A BREAKDOWN: YOU WAKE UP, YOU GO TO PRACTICE, YOU GET HOME, YOU EAT A HEAVY LUNCH, YOU TAKE A NAP, YOU DRINK A BOTTLE OF MOLSON, YOU PLAY A LITTLE SOCCER, THEN YOU GET OUT AN' PLAY THE GAME THE RIGHT WAY, EH. A LOTTA PEOPLE DON'T PLAY T HE GAME RIGHT BECAUSE THEY DON'T FOLLOW MY RULES.
NOW, LET ME TELL YOU KIDS A STORY: I WAS IN THE BATHROOM WASHIN' MY HANDS, WHEN A BUNCH OF COMMIES WALKED IN AN' STARTED GETTIN' READY FOR THEIR GAME. THEY WERE WEARIN' SHOES ON THE CARPET, DRINKIN' VODKA, PRAYIN' TO STALIN, AN' TRADIN' COMMUNIST MANIFESTO NOTES WITH EACH OTHER. BOY I WAS STEAMED, LEMME TELL YOU. IT'S A REAL INSULT. ANYHOW, I SAW MARTY ST. LOUIS AN' DREW DOUGHTY WALK IN, SHAKE EACH OTHERS' HANDS, AN' GET READY FOR THEIR GAME THE WAY I DETAILED IN MY BOOK. THOSE COMMIES WERE REAL EMBARRASSED, THEY FORGOT TO WASH THEIR HANDS, AN' LOST IN THE OLYMPICS.
MARTY AND DOUGHTY REMINDED ME OF BOBBY ORR, GOD LOVE 'EM.
