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November Wrasslin |OT| Ask Not The Jobber How John Cena Wins

Someone please make this

I shrunk it to save on file size. Maybe someone will make a better version.

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Ric Flair is now being advertised for the WWE live event in Sioux Falls, SD on 12/20.

Flair will be the special guest referee for the Main Event between Kane and Roman Reigns.

The following matches are also being advertised for the event:

-Dolph Ziggler vs. Cesaro for the IC Championship
-Rusev vs. Jack Swagger for the US Championship
 

strobogo

Banned
Torah Talk With Stro: Exodus of Pro Wrestling NOAH



New pharaoh took over, wasn't down with Jacob and his family. Made the Israelites slaves. Told the midwives to kill all the Israelite baby boys. They feared God more than the Pharaoh and let them live. So the Pharaoh decreed that ALL baby boys would be thrown into the Nile upon birth, while baby girls would live.

Well, a certain woman thought her baby boy was just so beautiful that she couldn't kill it, and instead put him in a basket and then sent him down the river. The Pharaoh's daughter found him while taking a bath and decided she'd raise this kid. His name? Moses.
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When Moses was an adult, he saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew and since there was no one around, killed that mother fucker and buried him in the sand. Mo ran away when people found out.
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Sometime later, Mo was out in the desert and a bush was on fire. And that mother fucking bush started talking. Dude was clearly tripping balls. Turns out it is God himself. He's heard the cries of his people and he's sending Mo into liberate them. He gets Mo all hyped up and then says that not only will he liberate his people, but also gets to steal a bunch of shit from the Egyptians. Mo is a little leery of the plan, but God convinces him with the classic rod to snake to rod illusion.
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After convincing Moses to go, he says to perform all the master illusions, yet also says he's going to make the Pharaoh's heart hardened, so he won't let his people go. What the fuck? Why would you intentionally make the job even HARDER? Here is why: God decided that he wanted to test out his plague skills out, at the expense of his Jews. And he made the justification that he had to do that because people really needed to FEAR him. That's right, God was doing something so shitty he had to justify it to himself before he did it. Even though he's God and can literally do anything. And HE thinks what he is so shitty that he has to try to make excuses for it.
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Once Moses and the Hebrews were wandering around looking for a place to go, they came across Egyptians, who wanted to fight. So God told Mo to hold up his big rod and he'd separate the sea. And the sea did separate. He also made sure the Egyptian chariots wheels locked up and that everyone was frozen in fear. When the Egyptians ran away, God flung them into the sea anyway.
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ALL of this Moses shit was specifically so people would fear God. FEAR. That word that came up a lot in Koran Korner has suddenly begun popping up a lot in Torah Talk. Who would have thought?

A lot of, frankly, stupid ass Passover rules.

God made it rain bread on the Jews in the desert.
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The Jews bitched A LOT, enough so that Moses was sick of them after 40 years.

Moses' father in law convinced him to basically be the first pope.
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God hands out the commandments. Of course the first one is YOU SHALL HAVE NO OTHER GODS BESIDES ME. Because this dude clearly has an ego problem. He also says he will be mean as shit up to great great great great grandchild of people who wrong him.

Apparently cool for Hebrews to have Hebrew slaves, even though he sent Moses on this whole fucking saga to to stop the Hebrews from being slaves. You can only have them for 6 years. If they came in single, they leave single. Come in married, leave married. But if the master gives them a wife and kids, the master keeps them. When a parent sells their daughter into slavery, she isn't allowed to be set free like male slaves. UNLESS her master is mean to her and doesn't fuck her or something. If you hit your slave with a rod or rock, and that slave dies within 2 days, the death must be avenged. But if they don't die in those 2 days, it is totally cool, since you own them anyway. If they beat the slave so hard that the slave loses an eye or teeth, they have to let the slave go.

A bunch of stuff on what to do if your ox gores someone, if it is a regular habit of said ox, if it is done to a minor or slave, if an ox falls into a hole you dug and didn't cover.
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God supports Stand Your Ground laws.
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"You shall not tolerate sorceresses."

Don't fuck animals. You'll be killed for it.

Don't you dare be mean to widows or orphans, because God's "anger shall blaze forth and I will put you to the sword, and your own wives shall become widows and your children orphans."

When you see the ass of your enemy lying under its burden and would refrain from raising it, you must nevertheless help raise it.
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You shall not boil a kid in its mother's milk.

"I will send forth My terror before you, and I will throw into panic all the people among whom you come, and I will make all your enemies turn tail before you."

Instructions on how to build the Ark of the Covenant that would make Ikea shit its pants. I'm talking 4 full verses on just how to build it. The another 3 on how to build the tent and altars, and how to behave around all this shit. SO MANY RULES.

THE VERY NEXT DAY, God was ready to kill all of the Jews because some of them didn't follow one of the billion rules he made the day before. Moses had to talk him down from injecting a lethal dose of poison to his creation. But then Moses himself got pissed at the Jews, broke the tablets, burned the golden calf the Jews made, and then pounded into a powder before throwing it in the water and making the Jews drink it. Then he took the people that would follow him exactly and had them kill everyone who didn't. Some 3000 people died. THE VERY NEXT DAY, Moses told them they all sinned greatly and he'd have to go ask for their forgiveness. And God sent down a plague on the remaining group. What the fuck? Buncha cunts in this book.
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Get put to death for just about anything. Eye for an eye shit a plenty.



The God fellow is a real son of a bitch. Although now I understand a little more why the Koran talks about Moses ALL THE GOD DAMN TIME: He was also a crazy dude who was quick to violence and murder.
 
Foxcatcher is an excellent movie about wrestling, it's a lot better than that fake stuff on TV
I still enjoy wrasslin, btw.

But seriously, it's a damn good movie.
 

DMczaf

Member
seeing how good and in shape he looks makes me want him back in wwe even more

Considering how much better he looks being away from this god awful business for several months, I hope he stays away forever.

No one should want to be involved in some of the worst Raws ever written.
 
Considering how much better he looks being away from this god awful business for several months, I hope he stays away forever.

No one should want to be involved in some of the worst Raws ever written.
I just need to see what would happen if Punk was the surprise entrant in the rumble and then kane who was already eliminated earlier in the match came back just to interfere and eliminate punk.
 

Omega

Banned
fuck yes. Stro back with his amazing pieces

Koran Korner is one of the all time greats of the internet, Torah Talk seems just as good.
 
NXT commentary is such shit. God damn. Albert and Alex Reily are terrible. Albert says the same shit every match. "WE'VE SEEN THIS BEFORE!" "OOOOOOHHHH!" Alex's example of how great of an athlete Bliss is is comparing her to a cheerleader. Not a great wrestler, not a WNBA player, not a pro soccer player, not an Olympic athlete. A cheerleader. They both yell too fucking much. I don't know why they continue to put people with no aptitude as color commentators at the booth.

The lower their aptitude, the easier it is to turn them into mouthpieces for someone else.
 

strobogo

Banned
fuck yes. Stro back with his amazing pieces

Koran Korner is one of the all time greats of the internet, Torah Talk seems just as good.

Things that don't go well: Mentioning ANY of the Torah Talk stories to a girl who claims she is "serious about Jesus" and if you aren't, you have no business talking to her.

Among her responses were: "God hates evil. Evil dies. Period." "You can look for bad things all day. Doesn't really matter, does it?" "Didn't your parents ever say, 'I brought you into this world and I can take you out!' :)" "Doesn't matter what He is. He's still God no matter what opinion you have." "Read the Gospels. John."

I asked if she had actually read the Old Testament recently: "Lol I don't really want to. I like to see things as a whole." "The Old Testament isn't really very relevant." " I don't like to read history books either. So..." "It's irrelevant how to live today."

When asked how the Gospels were any more relevant to modern life as the Torah: "I just don't understand why people who don't believe try so hard to shake the faith of believers." "I'm going to sleep. Goodnight."


Note, this same woman took no issues with any of the stories out of Koran Korner. But telling actual stories from the Old Testament makes her go from offended, to saying they don't matter anyway, to claiming I'm trying hard to shake her faith, to shutting down completely. I wanted to talk to her about them because I assumed someone who claims they are "serious" about Jesus and their faith would be knowledgeable of stories in the bible. But I'm now pretty convinced she probably has only read the first few paragraphs of Genesis, the Noah stuff, and only the Moses stuff that doesn't have him come off as both a coward and a dude with anger problems and prone to murder. Or stories where God himself comes off as the most petty sack of shit.

Also note, I have also gone over these stories with another friend of mine who is serious in her faith and she wasn't offended, didn't get mad, and also thought they were crazy.
 
You guys don't have the YouTube Me Again browser extension installed? It shows all YouTube links as embedded videos with a thumbnail preview picture.

Besides, that's not simplythebest's face, I've seen his facial scans in the NBA 2k15 thread.
 
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