Gospel Gossip With Stro
Peter 1(lol)
Finally. The mother fucker Jesus put in charge is allowed a couple of lines. Never be spiteful, deceitful, hypocritical, envious, or critical of each other. Be like newborn babies: hungry for nothing but milk. That's interesting because I was listening to a podcast last night on the way home from Raw where WWE were CARNY MOTHER FUCKERS about Sting, that was talking about mostly eastern philosophy and how babies are the most spiritual gurus there are, as all they desire is sustenance, shelter, and love. And how the entire universe will bend its will to a baby. Because what they desire is the most basic and pure things possible. One of those things that probably wouldn't have struck me at all had I not just listened to a different philosophy mentioning something similar the night before.
How weird. Peter is saying to follow in the footsteps of Jesus, not himself. Weird. Did Paul approve of that?
And what the hell, men must acknowledge their equality with women? No wonder Paul called him out. He's saying crazy talk.
“All of you must be of one mind.” This, to me, recalls the passage about The Word at the start of John, which makes me think of the concept of Brahman. There is a short essay in this book about the connections between Jesus/Christianity and Buddhism. Maybe that influenced me. Or maybe because I read the Bhagavad Gita a few weeks ago.
He states that 8 people made it through the flood. All Noah's family. So...8 people, all related, repopulated the world? He connects that water to the baptism under Jesus. This guy with the call backs.
“For if you suffer in the body, you have broken with sin, and as a result, you won't spend the rest of your life on human desires, but on the will of God.” That's some straight up Buddhism talk right there. Break free of desire and you will be at one with God.
“Don't do it for money, but do it freely.” Oh hey, wasn't Paul talking a lot about donations for his trips and whatnot and guilt tripping those who didn't donate? So weird. It's like this guy doesn't even know what Jesus was all about or something.
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2 Peter North
Pretty sure he's talking directly about Paul here. “Even so, there were false prophets in the past among our people ,and you will have your share of false prophets in the future. They will subtly introduce false heresies among you, to the point of denying the One who paid the price for their freedom. They will quickly fall to ruin, but many will follow their licentious practices, and the Way of Truth will fall under a cloud of doubt because of them. They will use lies to exploit you through greed.” Sounds like that CARNY MOTHER FUCKING CUNT Paul to me. He made me doubt the Way of Truth, because he's a sneaky carny piece of shit.
He also says that Paul sometimes writes in a way that is hard to understand and makes ignorant and unbalanced people distort. Wait. Are you calling me out?
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1 John Cena
In mentioning the Antichrist, he says that “These rivals of Christ came from our own numbers, but never really belonged.” Sounds like PAUL. Piece of shit. He also says that the anointing that Christ gives you remains in you and you don't need a teacher. You know what Paul said? If you don't follow what he teaches you, you're going to Hell.
In one of his poems, he says that no one has seen God. Moses totally met saw God. He is in fact the only human that saw the face of God. It was kind of a big deal. God loved him so much he'd talk face to face with him.
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2 John Cenas
Love one another.
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3 John Cenas
A friendly love letter to his good, close, personal friend Gaius. And a little bitch fest about that damned Diotrephes.
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Hey Jude
He's warning everyone of dissenters in the ranks who are causing trouble. Also, the end of time is just about here and buckle up, bitches.
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Revelation
“I am the Alpha and the Omega, who is who was and who is to come, the Almighty.”
One day John was hanging out on the beach when he saw seven lamp stands of gold, among them a figure of human appearance wearing an ankle length robe with a golden sash across its chest, with a white head and hair and blazing eyes, bronzed feet, and a voice that sounding like the crashing surf. It held seven stars in its right hand and a double edge sword in its mouth. It's face was as bright as the sun.
This...thing says it is the First and the Last and holds the keys of death and the underworld. The stars are angels of the seven churches, and the lampstands are the seven churches. So you better listen to this mother fucker. This mother fucker is Jesus, by the way. And he has some complaints with people.
That damn Jezebel. He gave her time to repent, but she won't give up her idolatry. “So I will cast her on a bed of suffering, and I will plunge those who join her into intense suffering, unless they repent of their ways. I will kill her children with a plague.” He's definitely his father's son.
Now John is talking about getting abducted by the Spirit, seeing Jesus on his throne, which was surrounded by 24 other thrones, with 24 elders, all in white and with gold crowns, with flashes of lightning, which let the seven spirits of God do shit. The floor was like a “sea of glass that shone as crystal.” Around the throne were 4 creatures, all covered with eyes front and back, inside and out, and 6 wings, singing a song to God for eternity. Yo, John is high as FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. He is clearly tripping his balls off right now.
The One had a scroll with seven seals. John cried because there was no one to open it. Then a dead lamb with seven horns and seven eyes took the scroll and all these old dudes and angels bowed and sang to it. Then every creature in Heaven, Hell, and earth all at once praised glory to the Lamb.
The first seal is broken. A white horse with a rider holding a bow showed up. The second seal broke and a bright red horse showed up. The rider was given a sword, with the mandate to take away peace on earth so humans would slaughter each other. The third seal breaks and a black horse with a scaly rider shows up. The fourth seal goes. A pal green horse shows up. Death was riding, with Netherrealm denizens following. They were given authority to to kill 25% of the world by sword, famine, plague, and wild animals.
The fifth seal breaks. The souls of all the people who were killed by being witness to the Word of God show up. The sixth seal caused a huge earthquake. The sun turned black and the moon blood red. The stars fell to earth. The sky tore and withdrew like two scrolls.
144,000 people were given the mark of God. All from the tribes of Israel. That's right, FUCK ALL YOU DIRTY GENTILE CUNTS. The seventh seal caused silence in heaven for a half hour. Angels start blowing trumpets that cause a 1/3rd of land and 1/3rd of sea to be destroyed. Plus a star falling to make fresh water poisonous. Then 1/3rd of the sun/moon/stars are destroyed. Eagles talk. Abyss shows up. Locusts were sent to torture the unmarked for 5 months. Man, what happened to you, Jesus? You used to be so chill. These locusts had human faces, teeth of a lion, and long hair. Tails like scorpions. Another 1/3rd of humans were wiped out by a group of crazy angels going 200 million strong.
An angel makes John eat a scroll. He sees the Ark of the Covenant and then a woman dressed in the sun, standing on the moon, with 12 stars as a crown. She's pregnant. Then a fucking DRAGON shows up with 7 heads and 10 horns and readies to eat the newly born baby. God saved the baby, who will be a ruler.
Then war broke out in Heaven. The angles and the dragon were fighting and shit. The dragon is actually Satan, who went after the pregnant woman on earth. He vomited a stream of water to sweep her away. The woman was given eagle wings. Earth open its mouth and swallowed Dragon Satan's vomit. What in the flying fuck is going on here? The dragon makes a leopard/lion/bear creature and gives it power. Then some other beast. And then people were marked with the number of the beast: 666.
Bowls of God's fury are dumped on the world, doing things like causing leprosy, turning the oceans to blood, fire balls, and 100 pound hailstones.
“Happy are they who have been invited to the wedding feast of the Lamb.” Wait, so all this shit is because Jesus is punishing those who didn't come to his wedding? I'LL BE A SON OF A BITCH.
“The grave of our Savior Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen”
