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WCW Monday Nitro 4/19/99
TO THE BACK. A white car arrives. It's GOLDBERG! He says he's next and will face DDP for the title TONIGHT!
Riki and DJ Ran shit up the show already. Roddy Piper is here tonight. Scott Steiner vs Konnan for the US Championship. We'll also have a kendo stick vs trash can match.
Armstrong Brothers vs Dean Malenko/Chris Benoit
Benoit and Scott start out. The Armstrong Brothers actually get the best of Benoit with cheap tactics until Steve is thrown to the floor and double teamed by Arn and Dean. Drop toe hold/dropkick combo. Seeing Dean as such a mean asshole makes me really bummed at how he was used when he went to the WWF. Benoit/Dean continuing being the mean dickheads they were during this run would have been great. Horsemen have been solidly in control for minutes now. Hot tag to #hardbodiedref. He almost wins with a small package. Steve decks Arn. Dean does a Tiger Bomb into the Cloverleaf for the win.
TO THE BACK. Piper looks over the paper work that Flair signed last week. He seems to be happy with them.
TO THE BACK. Randy Savage and Gorgeous George arrive. Doug Dillinger says Savage is suspended and barred. Roddy Piper says it is okay and he'll take the heat for it.
TO THE MEAN SCUM GENE. DDP comes to the ring. He wishes Hogan the best and good luckk on his surgery this week. Crowd is fucking AMPED. He says Goldberg needs to chill out and get focused. He sees a lot of himself in Goldberg. I get it. DDP's new gimmick is what Bo Dallas is doing in NXT. Except he's a little more aware he's being a dick head. DDP says he would love to defend the title, but not tonight. Goldberg storms out and they agree to a match by screaming and sticking tongues out at each other.
TO THE BACK. Piper is talking with David Flair (who has a bottle of SURGE). He's convinced David to commit his father to observation for 72 hours.
TO THE BACK. Gene caught up with DDP. We get clarification that Goldberg/DDP will happen for the title tonight. Gene then shows footage of DDP injuring Hogan at Spring Stampede.
Psychosis vs Blitzkrieg vs Juventud Guerrera vs Rey Mysterio Jr. WCW Cruiserweight Championship
For some reason, Psychosis came out to Blitzkrieg's music. Since this is a 4 way cruiser match, I'll just leave you with the gifs. Alex Wright was sitting in the front row with his new look. Hypnosis won. This was a fucking mess. Around 20 minutes of zero structure or story or even pacing. New champion!
TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE. As president, he's going to buy every kid (I assume he means college kids) a drink at The Swamp. Roddy Piper comes out. He says that Flair is becoming the Dennis Rodman of WCW. Flair is sick and Roddy is here to help him. Flair throws his shoes into the crowd. "Listen, I've seen him many times with his pants off. It doesn't mean anything. That's just Ric." Arn, come on, that isn't helping. Flair then strips. Charles Robinson comes out and gives Ric a robe to cover up. Gene reads a document that declares Ric Flair incompetent of rational decision making and will be removed from the presidency of WCW. He then fires Piper. He also gives Florida back the national title from Tennessee. The paper work Flair signed last week was for a match tonight with Kevin Nash. Arn fainted. Ric then books himself in a match with Piper at Slamboree for control of WCW.
TO THE BACK. The B Team confronted Konnan and beat him down.
Brian Knobs vs Hak Trash Can vs Kendo Stick Match
YO! Not excited at all for Knobs to be back. Pit Stop. There is a table and ECW chants, but I can't be excited for Brain fucking Knobs. What really pissed me off was Knobs doing Sandman's ladder spin spot. Being a classic fat guy, Knobs can't do anything without pulling his shirt down. Bam Bam knocked Sandman off the ropes. He went face first into a ladder. Knobs then did a trash can elbow drop for the win. Fuck Knobs and fuck the Nasty Boys. YO!
TO THE BACK. Randy Savage cuts a promo on Ric Flair and Charles Robinson on behalf of Gorgeous George. To help train her, he's bringing in Madusa. Madusa is going to train her to beat men.
TO THE BACK. Nash talks to the B Team. Scott Steiner walks by and wants to talk to Nash. He's pissed that Nash is getting a title shot instead of him. Stevie tells Nash that the jig is up, bro. They're going to send Norton after Steiner.
Buff Bagwell vs Disco Inferno
Since everyone else is doing what they want, he's making Buff vs Steiner at Slamboree. This is a battle over who can be a bigger goof. Something pisses Buff off, so he rips Disco's shirt off and starts choking him with it. Hip toss, body slam, and drop kick. Disco bails. A series of hip toss reversals sends Disco out again. Disco comes back with a spinning neck breaker. Alex Wright is still watching in the front row. Pop up atomic drop. Disco misses a diving elbow. Powerslam from Buff. He got caught going for the Blockbuster. He ends up doing a standing one, which he botched, but Disco sold it like death anyway.
Scott Steiner comes out with 3 hootchies. Scotty shit talks Buff's past life as a male stripper. No one in the nWo thought he belonged anymore. Well, that's the first time the nWo's reaction to Buff has been mentioned. Buff has broken toys in the attic, because real men don't wax their eyebrows. Massive STEROIDS chant. He goes on to say Buff should be named Boy Bagwell, because he's flaming.
Recap of George slapping Robinson and then more Nitro Girls. At least Riki didn't talk first. Oh, but DJ Ran did afterwards. All he does yell, "DJ Ran all up in ya area!".
Recap of Flair being deemed incompetent.
Kidman vs Raven
YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN! Like 40 seconds in. Gourdbuster from Raven. A knee lift sends Kidman over the top and to the floor. Drop toe hold on the chair. Leg drop on the chair on Kidman's head. Raven puts a chair up to block the SSP. It didn't matter since Kidman landed on Raven's knees anyway. The Horsemen ran out and the match was thrown out. Rey also came out and fought them off with Saturn. Saturn and Rey then started fighting. Kidman and Raven got involved and then the Horsemen came back for more.
Scott Norton vs Scott Steiner WCW US Championship
Norton is quite an upgrade from Konnan. They be clubberin! Norton runs through Scotty three times until he bails to the floor. Norton works over the back until a low blow changes the pace. Norton is thrown to the floor and then into the guard rail. Steinerline. Massive STEROIDS chant is back up. One of the lamest ref bumps I've ever seen, which was the ref literally just walking into Norton's arm while he was posed. This allowed for another low blow and spinning belly to belly. Scott won with his feet on the ropes.
More DJ Ran. I want him out of my area.
Ric Flair vs Kevin Nash
He says that he's going to get revenge for Hulk and if Goldberg wins tonight, they're going to have a rubber match in 2 weeks. Flair tries shoulder blocks. They don't work. Flair gets back dropped. He bails. Charles Robinson calls a time out for Ric. Nash works a headlock, but is backed into the corner. Flair gets back dropped again. Flair Flop. Knees and elbows in the corner. Arn grabs Nash's leg and they smash his dick into the post as the ref looked away. Arn gets in the ring and lays in some boots. Flair works over the bird legs and then punts a field goal. Flair is now dominating. Arn gets involved again. Nash comes back with a side slam. Flair Flip into a lariatoo. Press slam off the top. Big boot. Arn gets nailed, too. Jackknife. Robinson won't make the pin. Gorgeous George attacks him and takes the ref shirt. She makes the pin. Nash wins. Lol, the men in white jackets come to take Flair away. That jackknife killed him. He hasn't moved in minutes from it. He's wheeled all the way to the back and into the white van. Arn and Robinson want to know where the neck brace and oxygen are. Flair suddenly comes to life once he's in the van, but he's now on his way to loony bin. The funny farm, if you wheel.
Goldberg vs DDP WCW Championship
DUSTY RHODES is joining for commentary. In public! They stare each other down, shove the ref away, and go to work. A shoulder block sends DDP to the floor. DDP tries to go after the giant shoulders and attempts a Kanyon Cutter. He's shoved off almost to the floor. Goldberg powers out of a headlock, but DDP does a leg sweep while on the ground. Fireman carry into a cross arm breaker. A shoulder block sends Goldberg down! DDP tries again and gets speared. DDP pulls Goldberg dick first into the corner and hits a neck breaker. Belly to belly. DDP runs right into a front chancery suplex. Side slam. Kanyon Cuter is again shoved off and turned into a powerslam. Spinning head scissors! DDP just straight kicks Goldberg in the face. Cactus lariat. Flying lariatoo. Goldberg ducks the discus lariatoo. DDP is in the corner. Goldberg readies for the spear, but then they have a stare down across the ring. DDP baits Goldberg and he misses the spear in the corner. Kanyon Cutter! BANG! Goldberg kicks out! DDP is thrown onto the ref during the kick out. DDP gets an international object out of his tights. He then pulls the ref in the way of a spear. Poor Mickey Jay. This is the second time in 2 weeks he's been speared. Jackhammer! The ref was down and couldn't make the pin. DDP hits Goldberg in the back of the head with the object. Then repeatedly in the face on the floor. He puts Goldberg's leg against the steps and smashes it a few times with a chair. Fucking lol. He waits for someone to grab the chair from him and thought the ring post was the one to do it. A second ref does grab the chair, but is pulled into the railing for it. Ring post figure four. Nash comes out to save Goldberg. They have a bizarrely touching moment where Nash cradles Goldberg's head and Goldberg pats Nash's head. DDP hits Nash with the title and WE'RE OUTTA TIME.
DQ Count: 2 out of 8 matches.
Pros: Goldberg vs DDP was good, crowd was one of the loudest I've ever heard (they drowned out the announcers for most of the show), Flair was hilarious, Nash vs Flair was good, Konnan was taken out of a match.
Cons: Brian Knobs is back, DJ Ran