ssimon (Pelham, NY): Best clubhouse story you couldn't tell until today?
Sam Miller: I don't really have any good clubhouse stories, partly because the Angels' clubhouse is quite dull and partly because I'm not around the clubhouse more than a couple times a homestand. So I'm going to reprint the greatest clubhouse story ever, from Matt McCarthy's book "Odd Man Out," about his year with the Angels' short-season team. (The book may or may not be true, for what it's worth.)
"An Angels employee briefly interrupted the revelry to bring us fifth leftover hot dogs from the concession stand's Weenie Wednesday promotion.
"I took my hot dog over to my locker and began to undress. That was when things got interesting. When I turned around, I saw the dark, naked bodies of two young Dominicans hovering around the hot dogs. Erick Aybar and Alberto Callaspo ... were inseparable and spoke no English -- the most one of them had ever said to me was "Why-ya-ya-ya-ya-yeah!" after I'd pitched a scoreless inning the week before.
"Gradually, more of my teammates turned to watch as Aybar's and Callaspo's naked bodies circled the food. We all knew they were up to something no good. Two naked heterosexual teenagers don't stand that close together for that long next to a box of hot dogs without something happening.
"Suddenly, Callaspo took one of the hot dogs out of its bun and deep-throated it. Then he took the bun and put it around Aybar's flaccid (etc etc) and poured ketchup on it. Jaws dropped -- Aybar was a willing participant. Then Callaspo bent over and pretended to eat the Dominican (etc etc etc) hot dog. When he did that, we all screamed, "Nooooo!"
"Getting the reaction he'd desired, Callaspo turned to a few of us and said, "I no gay. You gay" and burst into a fit of laughter. Callaspo slapped Aybar on the ass and the two laughed all the way to the shower."