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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!

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N

NateDrake

Member
Oblivion said:
So I've gotten somewhat lucky and have been having this nice back and forth with this chick. It's been about a week right now, but most of that is cause she only responds like twice a day. Anyway, I wanna ask her out, so what's the best way to approach this?
Click to expand...

Gauge her interest and go from there. Ask if she'd like to do something simple like lunch, grab coffee, or something along those lines.
 
A

Ashodin

Member
PumpkinPie said:
So should I just send another message saying I respect her wishes and I'll leave her alone for a while, or will sending another message just make things worse?
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Even worse. You should do some stuff to take your mind off of it until she responds. She needs to respond first before you can get any idea what's going on, you will spiral out of control to know what's happening, and even if she doesn't tell you why exactly she doesn't want to be together, you have to know it's not your fault, it's her fault for not being transparent with you.

Keep your head high man, play some video games, and relax.
 
P

PumpkinPie

Banned
I remembered that I ordered some rainbow roses last week to be sent to her this morning. Fucking worst timing ever =/ I had to let her know that I haven't just quickly sent these to make up for things and apologised for it being a bit awkward.
 
A

Ashhong

Member
I...don't know what to say anymore haha. Now you got roses getting sent to her and everything. Who knows, maybe those will make her see what a great guy you are.
 
A

Ashodin

Member
Ashhong said:
I don't know, it seems that her biggest issue is that he has some insecurities. If she believes his story about him sending the roses last week, she might like it.
Click to expand...

All this at the same time might construe the message wrong as "Im so insecure Ill do anything" and will fuck it up.

I'm leaning more towards the latter, unfortunately. The more I've known women is there's one thing you can always rely on - they've made up their minds a long time ago and it's REALLY HARD to change them.
 
A

Ashhong

Member
Ashodin said:
All this at the same time might construe the message wrong as "Im so insecure Ill do anything" and will fuck it up.

I'm leaning more towards the latter, unfortunately. The more I've known women is there's one thing you can always rely on - they've made up their minds a long time ago and it's REALLY HARD to change them.
Click to expand...

The bolded is true. So very true.

But I don't see how sending roses a week in advance when things are all happy and romantic could be seen as insecure.
 
P

PumpkinPie

Banned
I've spoken to my friend about it, and she said that she doesn't think she's over her ex, and that's why she's suddenly had a change of heart.

I can't remember what my initial post said, but she was more concerned about not wanting to commit to a serious relationship than my lack of confidence. She told me she loved me, added me as her bf on Facebook and we even started getting more serious in the past couple of days. Then she flipped out and said she doesn't think she can commit to the future.
 
D

DrBo42

Member
PumpkinPie said:
I've spoken to my friend about it, and she said that she doesn't think she's over her ex, and that's why she's suddenly had a change of heart.

I can't remember what my initial post said, but she was more concerned about not wanting to commit to a serious relationship than my lack of confidence. She told me she loved me, added me as her bf on Facebook and we even started getting more serious in the past couple of days. Then she flipped out and said she doesn't think she can commit to the future.
Click to expand...

Yeah. This girl was not ready for a relationship. Save yourself the pain, move on.
 
U

UFRA

Member
PumpkinPie said:
I've spoken to my friend about it, and she said that she doesn't think she's over her ex, and that's why she's suddenly had a change of heart.

I can't remember what my initial post said, but she was more concerned about not wanting to commit to a serious relationship than my lack of confidence. She told me she loved me, added me as her bf on Facebook and we even started getting more serious in the past couple of days. Then she flipped out and said she doesn't think she can commit to the future.
Click to expand...

You need to STOP and leave the ball in her court. The more you send long messages, send gifts, and bug her the more she's going to get upset and push you away. Believe me ive seen this before. When a girl asks for some time alone to think, you give it to her! You let her be the one to initiate contact. What you're doing is digging yourself a hole.

Sorry but you gotta knock it off. In the future, avoid dating someone who just got out of a relationship. If it was a few months ago, but weeks? Way too soon.

edit
 
P

PumpkinPie

Banned
It's over. She didn't give me a solid reason, although I asked about her ex and if she was ready and she said she definitely was and that she loved me, but things have been harder for her than she thought.

I was in town when she sent me a text to tell me. This is the first time I've dated in six years, I've suffered from depression and haven't been willing to let anyone get close to me. I was wary about letting my guard down for her but she seemed to good, like a perfect match for me. I regret it now, I feel utterly broken. I'm a bit of a girl and just sat crying for 3 hours in my car in town when I got the text =/ I'm okay now though. We cleared the air a bit, there's no hard feelings now.

EDIT: I'll add, if it seems like I'm strangely emotional over someone I just met, a lot has gone on between us. I almost attempted suicide only days before I met her (she doesn't know this), and then out of nowhere she adds me to Facebook as if she was an angel coming to save me. From a random Facebook add it transpired that she was everything I ever wanted in someone. I tried to have plastic surgery because I was so depressed about my appearance, and she talked me out of it and said she didn't care what I looked like. Even though we've only been talking for two months, already she has helped me a lot.
 
L

Loona

Member
Oblivion said:
So I've gotten somewhat lucky and have been having this nice back and forth with this chick. It's been about a week right now, but most of that is cause she only responds like twice a day. Anyway, I wanna ask her out, so what's the best way to approach this?
Click to expand...

I've been through something like this about a week ago - since she was actually replying everyday, sometimes twice in the same day (which is a lot more regularly than most), by the time it was friday I figured I'd ask her if she wanted to go someplace and sent her my phone number (which leaves the ball on her court, but keeps things open to her whims without feeling as forceful as asking for hers, the way I see it) - she said that day wouldn't work, but liked to idea of maybe doing so the following day and sent me her number in return - in a later message she sent me her IM contact, so it got easier to chat daily since, and even if that weekend suggestion got posponed to last night, something at least came of it.

Really, what's the worse that can happen by sending a girl your number if she's actually bothering to keep up a message exchange daily?
 
A

Ashhong

Member
Ferrio said:
No.. no no no no
Click to expand...

Let me just reiterate that this is only if she had believed they were sent a week ago, not just recently.

PumpkinPie, sorry to hear the end of it, keep your head up. It sounds like you are not ready for a relationship and should really work on yourself first.

anotherVegan said:
Go for it, OP. She looks cute, and scores a million awesome points for the Aperture Science shirt.
Click to expand...

You are 8 months late..
 
S

Sanky Panky

Banned
PumpkinPie said:
EDIT: I'll add, if it seems like I'm strangely emotional over someone I just met, a lot has gone on between us. I almost attempted suicide only days before I met her (she doesn't know this), and then out of nowhere she adds me to Facebook as if she was an angel coming to save me. From a random Facebook add it transpired that she was everything I ever wanted in someone. I tried to have plastic surgery because I was so depressed about my appearance, and she talked me out of it and said she didn't care what I looked like. Even though we've only been talking for two months, already she has helped me a lot.
Click to expand...

The lesson here is that no matter if it has been 6 years, YOU are not ready to find the one yet. I don't have advice on how you can become a happier person, but you idealized her because you created this epic romantic movie in your mind that she came to save you, and that someone finally loved you for who you are (aka what you look like). Get that bullshit out of your head.

Until YOU don't love yourself for who you are, you will have nice people trying to "save you" but you will become a burden to them (depending on them for validation), so they will not choose you in the end. I'm sure you have many great things to offer to those around you, so focus on that and appreciate yourself. Go to a counselor if you haven't yet after you attempted suicide.
 
N

NihonTiger90

Member
Is it just me, or on OKC does it seem that you only get to pick two of these:

Cute
Smart
Has geeky interests/doesn't hate anything and everything geekish
 
B

Buckethead

Banned
NihonTiger90 said:
Is it just me, or on OKC does it seem that you only get to pick two of these:

Cute
Smart
Has geeky interests/doesn't hate anything and everything geekish
Click to expand...

r84EI.png
 
B

bjb

Banned
PumpkinPie said:
It's over. She didn't give me a solid reason, although I asked about her ex and if she was ready and she said she definitely was and that she loved me, but things have been harder for her than she thought.

I was in town when she sent me a text to tell me. This is the first time I've dated in six years, I've suffered from depression and haven't been willing to let anyone get close to me. I was wary about letting my guard down for her but she seemed to good, like a perfect match for me. I regret it now, I feel utterly broken. I'm a bit of a girl and just sat crying for 3 hours in my car in town when I got the text =/ I'm okay now though. We cleared the air a bit, there's no hard feelings now.

EDIT: I'll add, if it seems like I'm strangely emotional over someone I just met, a lot has gone on between us. I almost attempted suicide only days before I met her (she doesn't know this), and then out of nowhere she adds me to Facebook as if she was an angel coming to save me. From a random Facebook add it transpired that she was everything I ever wanted in someone. I tried to have plastic surgery because I was so depressed about my appearance, and she talked me out of it and said she didn't care what I looked like. Even though we've only been talking for two months, already she has helped me a lot.
Click to expand...

I'm hopeful you're seeking treatment. Shouldn't be going through any of this alone.

Sounds like you've got a lot your plate. Worrying about relationships shouldn't be a goal right now.
 
augmental

augmental

Member
Okcupid is free and I am sure all the girls that are worth a damn are getting bombarded...so have any of you tried Match.com? I know you have to pay but it seems like it would be more ideal and would have women that actually want to date. I just got out of a one year relationship so I am looking to do some canvassing.
 
M

mooooose

Member
So... I keep fucking things up. I'm way too picky. Either a girl is lame, a girl is pretty but too boring to handle, or really interesting but ugly.

I finally found one girl who I think is really cool and really pretty. I sent her a message and she sent me back a paragraph (the first time I've ever gotten one of those, and it was actually well typed). I took like two days to respond but I had been online and looked at her profile a couple of times. I replied today. Then she went on and didn't reply and I think I might've blown it.

Between the other girl and this girl, I'm striking out on girls who I actually think I'd really like and I'm driving myself crazy.

Another girl messaged me and she's beautiful (but kinda boring) and I messaged her back and I think I blew that too. AaaaaagGGHghHh Why do I suck.
 
M

maxxpower

Member
My city fucking sucks, there's nothing but bisexual women who are not pretty and don't look like interesting individuals. There's also a lot of women that seem to lie about their age, because they sure as hell don't look like they're in their 20s.
 
P

PumpkinPie

Banned
Sanky Panky said:
The lesson here is that no matter if it has been 6 years, YOU are not ready to find the one yet. I don't have advice on how you can become a happier person, but you idealized her because you created this epic romantic movie in your mind that she came to save you, and that someone finally loved you for who you are (aka what you look like). Get that bullshit out of your head.

Until YOU don't love yourself for who you are, you will have nice people trying to "save you" but you will become a burden to them (depending on them for validation), so they will not choose you in the end. I'm sure you have many great things to offer to those around you, so focus on that and appreciate yourself. Go to a counselor if you haven't yet after you attempted suicide.
Click to expand...

Thanks. Hindsight is a terrible thing, and it's only now that I can see that I placed her under a lot of pressure so early on in the relationship, I just wish that it hadn't taken all this happening to make me see things for what they were. She said I thought too much about the future rather than living for the present, and she was right. I've been so insecure and therefore worried about it all ending that I neglected the present. I mean we'd only just met, I should have been living for the moment.

I went from being very reluctant to open myself up to anyone, to simply jumping in with both feet. There was no linear progression in the relationship, and although I'm fairly certain she loved me, I also feel that I tried to hurry things along. I just got swept up in it all; finally meeting someone after all this time who was seemingly a perfect match for me. You're right, I idealized her.

There isn't much I can say or do now. I wish I had been aware of things before it all spiralled out of control. Lessons have been learned for the future, albeit the hard way :(
 
O

Oblivion

Fetishing muscular manly men in skintight hosery
NateDrake said:
Gauge her interest and go from there. Ask if she'd like to do something simple like lunch, grab coffee, or something along those lines.
Click to expand...

Loona said:
I've been through something like this about a week ago - since she was actually replying everyday, sometimes twice in the same day (which is a lot more regularly than most), by the time it was friday I figured I'd ask her if she wanted to go someplace and sent her my phone number (which leaves the ball on her court, but keeps things open to her whims without feeling as forceful as asking for hers, the way I see it) - she said that day wouldn't work, but liked to idea of maybe doing so the following day and sent me her number in return - in a later message she sent me her IM contact, so it got easier to chat daily since, and even if that weekend suggestion got posponed to last night, something at least came of it.

Really, what's the worse that can happen by sending a girl your number if she's actually bothering to keep up a message exchange daily?
Click to expand...

Told her I'd like to have some coffee with her, and she said yes! :D
 
K

Konosuke

Member
A little update, the girl who disappeared for a week came back online. She said someone stole all of her passwords. I didn't even thought twice and gave her my number. I still had to wait another two days but she sent me a text yesterday afternoon and we've been talking nonstop. I'm trying really hard not to send loads of texts though.
 
S

Sohter.Nura

Member
This thread with everybody in the game makes me wish I wasn't married.

Oh I'm faithful to my wife and I love her, but damn, every once in a while I wonder 'What if'
 
B

BeEatNU

WORLDSTAAAAAAR
Sohter.Nura said:
This thread with everybody in the game makes me wish I wasn't married.

Oh I'm faithful to my wife and I love her, but damn, every once in a while I wonder 'What if'
Click to expand...

That's kinda why I am worried about even getting married.

That urge to talk to some chick at any moment or look at some chick will always be there.

*sigh*
 
M

mooooose

Member
Okay so I really really like this girl and she has replied twice, I initiated, but she sent me really long messages that only got longer and were even longer than my long messages. She is really cool and I do not want to blow this, but I really want to ask her out and I think it might be time. We've exchanged names, she said she wanted to see my art, she would show me her's, etc. We talked a ton. I do not want to blow this. She's fucking awesome.
 
R

Resident4t.

Member
I've sent out three messages and two of the girls viewed my profile but didn't reply. I'm guessing my approach is good but my profile sucks. My pictures also suck but all I have is this shitty phone
 
R

Rodney McKay

Member
Had a date last night with a woman I met on OKCupid. Went to a great bar/restaurant I know in Seattle and we had a really good time. Texted her today saying I had a great time and hope I'd get to see her again soon. She's a Doctor Who fan and thought I looked like David Tennant, so I'm fairly confident it will happen. :)

The crazy thing is I only just messaged her on monday. We went back and forth monday and tuesday a bit and I just asked if she wanted to meet up sometime (Her "are you willing to meet people" question was "Absolutely!", so I figured she might like that more than messaging). I wasn't expecting to do it so soon, but Wednesday was the only time she was free so I thought, what the hell.

*EDIT* Or not! Apparently she thought we didn't have chemistry. Bummer, but whatevs. Back to OKCupid!
 
beanman25

beanman25

Member
First time I've exchanged multiple messages with someone. I'm not expecting the world, it's just nice to know that some people found my profile interesting.
 
I

Invisible Man

aka SexyNerd
bjb said:
The first things people usually notice about me
People on here seem to think I'm too good looking to be on here. I swear I'm not a fake profile.

What the fuck lol
Click to expand...

Yeah, I've got a couple messages from girls asking why am I on here and that I am very good looking.
 
D

DrBo42

Member
Ashhong said:
All in all it adds up to one amazing person.

The question is are you willing to dig to uncover it all?

Does this shit work? lol, you are lucky you are good looking. You must get a decent amount of messages, it says you reply selectively
Click to expand...
Seriously how do you get away with this shit?
 
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