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[WascallyWabbit]

Sent out 6 messages the last two days, got 6 profile visits

Also got 0 messages D:

Something is wrong.

6? That ain't nothin, bro

I've sent out at least 20-30 before I got one girl to message me back. The majority of them visited me but never messaged back

That's just how online dating works. Women get bombarded with messages. You just gotta keep at it

 

[DrBo42]

Getting no response is better than unsolicited emails from unattractive women, trust me. It's a bummer every single time.

 

[Necrovex]

Getting no response is better than unsolicited emails from unattractive women, trust me. It's a bummer every single time.

I remember those messages. I log onto the site, I see a message in my inbox, I acquire false hope, and I see it's a fat woman. This happened to me 70% of the time. You think I would have learned, but I never did. :-(

 

[Perspicacity]

Getting no response is better than unsolicited emails from unattractive women, trust me. It's a bummer every single time.

Just got one from a girl who's 50 shades of Meh. There's nothing bad about her, but she looks decent enough and moderately intelligent. It's like... I wouldn't care enough to message her in the first place but she's good enough to respond to I guess if I want to spare a minute or two.

Oh fuck... this is what girls think about me.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Just got one from a girl who's 50 shades of Meh. There's nothing bad about her, but she looks decent enough and moderately intelligent. It's like... I wouldn't care enough to message her in the first place but she's good enough to respond to I guess if I want to spare a minute or two.

Oh fuck... this is what girls think about me.

Yep, when you get messages from mediocre girls, that's exactly what the attractive ones are going through. Except they get a lot more messages.

 

[Perspicacity]

Yep, when you get messages from mediocre girls, that's exactly what the attractive ones are going through. Except they get a lot more messages.

Well at least I can take my place upon the throne of mediocrity.



It's a desk chair... not a comfortable one.

EDIT: Current girl: "I'm such a grammar nazi" ...proceeds to misuse a comma, semi-colon, and a conjunction in the same sentence

 

[Duderz]

I don't get it. Earlier this week made plans with a girl to grab coffee, and when I call to confirm, no call back, no text, nothing.

:|

 

[equap]

6? That ain't nothin, bro

I've sent out at least 20-30 before I got one girl to message me back. The majority of them visited me but never messaged back

That's just how online dating works. Women get bombarded with messages. You just gotta keep at it

fuck, dude! do you just copy and paste or what?

I'm with the previous guy, 6 or so is the most I've sent out at one time and zero reply. /fml

 

[zethren]

Just put my account back up yesterday. Gotten plenty of looks, have had several conversations. One that could lead to a date with a girl that seems real cool.

Nope, the northeast is awesome.

My man.

(I think we talked about this in another thread some time ago. lol)

 

[NihonTiger90]

Yeah, the Midwest is really tough for a site like OKC. I've been on it a year plus and only had two dates.

 

[Movement]

Reactived my account today after about 4 months of inacitivity. I actually got a message from a really awesome sounding girl who was gorgeous. I responded two hours later (in class) and now it's been 7.5 hours and no response, it says she's online now.

Feels bad man.

 

[NihonTiger90]

Reactived my account today after about 4 months of inacitivity. I actually got a message from a really awesome sounding girl who was gorgeous. I responded two hours later (in class) and now it's been 7.5 hours and no response, it says she's online now.

Feels bad man.

Nothing you can do but wait. That's the truth.

 

[UltraMagnanimous]

Nothing you can do but wait. That's the truth.

You could message a few gals you like, say hello and engage them in some witty repartee?

 

[Oblivion]

I actually have to agree with the title, now!

I've got 3 separate dates lined up with some pretty cool, and fairly attractive chicks in the coming week (all 3 have pretty decent racks, yummy ). This is in addition to one I already had a few weeks ago.

My fellow gaffers, if nothing else, this proves you should be tenacious and never give up. At some point, you'll start to see dividends!

Getting no response is better than unsolicited emails from unattractive women, trust me. It's a bummer every single time.

I got solicited by a fat chick, a tranny, and just yesterday some admittedly pretty hot looking milf who probably kills people.

 

[DrBo42]

Just got one from a girl who's 50 shades of Meh. There's nothing bad about her, but she looks decent enough and moderately intelligent. It's like... I wouldn't care enough to message her in the first place but she's good enough to respond to I guess if I want to spare a minute or two.

Oh fuck... this is what girls think about me.

For me it's the guilt. I feel really bad when I'm not into someone that's legitimately trying. I want to be nice and reply..but then that's leading someone on a bit. Then as you said it reminds you this is exactly the process women do to us. It's the worst.

I remember those messages. I log onto the site, I see a message in my inbox, I acquire false hope, and I see it's a fat woman. This happened to me 70% of the time. You think I would have learned, but I never did. :-(

Every damn time.

 

[Jim E. Rossler]

I'm 3 for 3 on getting a reply back
Seems like your more likely to get a response if you browse the 'recent activity' feeds and when someone has an interesting answer you start with that

Spoiler

I didn't even reply back though because I gots ta get dat green circle yellow

 

[border]

Just as an experiment, I signed up for this site as a girl. Used some pictures of a pretty average looking chick -- okay face, mildly overweight, big forehead, curvy figure but not really big breasts. The profile I filled out was pretty minimal, but not completely bare.

She gets like 2-5 messages a day, often when she hasn't logged in for days and weeks.

It kinda soured my hopes for the site. If even an average girl with no discernible personality is just constantly inundated with messages, then an above-average girl with a good personality is buried under a mountain of potential suitors. Which is to say that even if you have a good personality, good profile, and a decent introduction letter, there's a strong chance you'll just get tossed aside amongst all the noise.

 

[Mecha_Infantry]

Just as an experiment, I signed up for this site as a girl. Used some pictures of a pretty average looking chick -- okay face, mildly overweight, big forehead, curvy figure but not really big breasts. The profile I filled out was pretty minimal, but not completely bare.

She gets like 2-5 messages a day, often when she hasn't logged in for days and weeks.

It kinda soured my hopes for the site. If even an average girl with no discernible personality is just constantly inundated with messages, then an above-average girl with a good personality is buried under a mountain of potential suitors. Which is to say that even if you have a good personality, good profile, and a decent introduction letter, there's a strong chance you'll just get tossed aside amongst all the noise.

I was thinking of doing something similar.

But yeah it's well known that chicks get a dumb amount of messages a day. The last Irish lady i was with from the site said she was getting about 6 a day without fail for 2 months, but never messages anyone back because they just seemed like cookie cutter messages.

I messages a chick yesterday, again not AMAZING looking (I'm not the best looker either), but she was nice, creative, teacher, a Lil chubby, but that's how I like them. It was late, but she was still online. I carefully crafted a personal message to her, and didn't even get a look!!

I'm just hoping that it was late, she just went to bed and will check me out in the morning. But I dunno.

Losing my hope with girls on that site. I'm back and forth with a girl who I tried to bat off and say she was too young for me, she then came back and basically tried to get me to change my mind, which I did...and now she is being sporadic with her replies to me

I'm getting more results just meeting chicks in real life FFS

 

[starchild excalibur]

May or may not have a meet-up tomorrow. Been messaging this girl back and forth for a couple weeks and given out my number on two separate occasions with no reciprocity. She's been online since I last messaged her to confirm plans, but no response.

I ain't even mad - I'd just like to know whether or not I'm gonna get canceled on more than just a couple of hours before we're supposed to meet. I can better plan my day that way. :\

 

[border]

I messages a chick yesterday, again not AMAZING looking (I'm not the best looker either), but she was nice, creative, teacher, a Lil chubby, but that's how I like them. It was late, but she was still online. I carefully crafted a personal message to her, and didn't even get a look!!

Everyone tells you to personally craft an introduction letter for the girl you're writing to, but it gets to be very daunting when you've crafted dozens of letters and most of them are outright ignored. With so many messages coming in daily, I get the sense that most girls just immediately click your profile and respond/ignore based on whether or not they like your pictures.

There's also the problem that OKCupid is a free site, and plenty of girls just sign up to get a boost in self-esteem when they immediately have two dozen guys banging on their door. They aren't serious about meeting anyone, but certainly like the attention.

Losing my hope with girls on that site. I'm back and forth with a girl who I tried to bat off and say she was too young for me, she then came back and basically tried to get me to change my mind, which I did...and now she is being sporadic with her replies to me

I think the worst is when a girl messages you first, completely out of the blue. You take time to craft a few thoughtful responses, things go back and forth, and then she just stops responding for reasons unknown. I guess I can't entirely blame them -- if I was getting half a dozen messages a day, I'd probably just cut a lot of dialogues short as well.

I'm getting more results just meeting chicks in real life FFS

That's because when you talk to a girl in real life, she can't just outright ignore you (well she can, but it's uncommon). I generally think that if you can withstand frequent rejections, you are way better off talking to women in real life. You at least stand a chance to get your foot in the door just due to the fact that it's impolite to ignore people, whereas online nobody feels bad about shutting someone down with utter silence. A 5-minute dialogue with a lady is much better than a private message that takes you 10 minutes to write and 1 second to be ignored.

 

[Bleepey]

Well at least I can take my place upon the throne of mediocrity.



It's a desk chair... not a comfortable one.

EDIT: Current girl: "I'm such a grammar nazi" ...proceeds to misuse a comma, semi-colon, and a conjunction in the same sentence

You troll grammar Nazis too! Your inability to use hyphens but ability to use apostrophes doesn't negate any criticism.

 

[Red_taiyaki]

I ain't even mad - I'd just like to know whether or not I'm gonna get canceled on more than just a couple of hours before we're supposed to meet. I can better plan my day that way. :\

Good man. This is the number one thing that I hate about online dating. Yet I continue to do it.

 

[starchild excalibur]

Good man. This is the number one thing that I hate about online dating. Yet I continue to do it.

I think I'm gonna give up on pursuing her (or at least become more indifferent). It's not even that we ended up not hanging today, but the fact that I had to send her a message basically asking for a response either way before I got any response. Even told her I'd be away from the computer for a little bit, so she should text me regarding what was up and she only responded via POF.

That, plus the fact that she obviously doesn't feel comfortable sharing her number (I've told her mine twice and specifically asked for hers once) and seems less engaged in this whole discussion just makes me think that she's someone that seems open to the idea of meeting up, but maybe nothing more. Maybe I'm just misreading things, though.

She asked what tomorrow looked like for me and I said it's no good (which is true and something I had already mentioned to her). Told her I'll be in touch.

If she texts me, then I may explore it further. If she doesn't then I guess she wasn't all that serious about meeting up with me to begin with. Either way I have an answer.

 

[Maddocks]

yeah. online dating is a two way street and it looks like it was just you driving. best to move on now.

 

[Xun]

Good luck!

You'll be fine. Don't overthink the messaging too much. If she's really interested in you, even if you say some things that she doesn't agree with or like, she'll overlook that if she wants to meet you.

Now, after just a couple more exchanges with her, start moving in on asking about a date and meeting up.

The next mistake a lot of guys make is they do the messaging back and forth too long and she loses interest.

She just sent me back a long (and late) message, but I have no idea how best to respond.

Definitely! Can't wait for the new Monsters Inc next year- I'll be first in line at the cinema, pushing all the small children out the way. Ha, wish I was joking...

Ah yes, the world of work seems cruel. Where are you working now then? if you don't mind me asking! I did a course at Bournemouth Uni a couple years back now and also at Bath- I was pretty interested in animation back then. I have to admit my patience wasn't great with our teacher at Bournemouth- I remember we only copied what she was telling us rather than making anything original of our own. I did a little stop frame animation with a friend afterwards though which was good fun. Where abouts did you study?

I doooo do Graphic Design, and also concept, product, spatial etc. It's a pretty broad course. I love it though, we get all kinds of crazy projects.

Ah yes, I plan to go to Lithuania to stay with a friend next year hopefully- I'm working now part time to get some cash together. Where abouts do you plan to go?

Amber x

 

[Seth C]

This game works differently for you guys than it does me. Sending out 50 messages to get 1 date is all well and good unless there are only 25 girls in 100 miles that you find attractive. As for girls contacting me? Probably 12 total so far, all black (not that this is a problem but my town is 80% white so it's odd), and all morbidly obese.

 

[starchild excalibur]

She just sent me back a long (and late) message, but I have no idea how best to respond.

Not gonna try and give you tips on how to respond, but just gonna say she seems totally into you - asks you a ton of questions, sends you a long and detailed message, uses humor and smiley faces, signs her name at the end and even puts an x. It's great, man.

It's pretty much the opposite of all the responses I tend to get.

Good luck, man.

 

[Ovid]

This game works differently for you guys than it does me. Sending out 50 messages to get 1 date is all well and good unless there are only 25 girls in 100 miles that you find attractive. As for girls contacting me? Probably 12 total so far, all black (not that this is a problem but my town is 80% white so it's odd), and all morbidly obese.

I think black woman are more forward when it comes to sites like this. I rarely get unsolicited messages from white woman.

 

[KevinCow]

Just had the first date with this girl. I think it went well.

But I feel like I'm playing a game of chess where I haven't been taught all the rules. I'm not really sure what my next step is.

 

[MetalGuardian]

Just had the first date with this girl. I think it went well.

But I feel like I'm playing a game of chess where I haven't been taught all the rules. I'm not really sure what my next step is.

Awesome to hear man!

And no matter what anyone else tells you, you are absolutely playing a game of chess. That is exactly what dating is until both parties have committed to a relationship

Bring us up to speed on what happened and we can help you plot your next move

 

[starchild excalibur]

I think black woman are more forward when it comes to sites like this. I rarely get unsolicited messages from white woman.

I remember seeing a graphic that broke down people's willingness to mate based off race and gender and the one thing I remember was that white women were the pickiest and black men were the most non-picky. It was generally a sliding scale from white -> asian -> latino -> black, if I remember correctly. Black men and black women were more willing to date outside of race than white men and white women, for example.

I've definitely observed this on dating sites. I'm black, but have always been drawn mostly to white women (and have messaged mostly white women), yet the only date I've actually had on one of these sites was with a black woman. And percentage-wise, I get far more responses (even if they ultimately lead nowhere) from black women than white women.

I think white women probably have themselves validated as the ideal on those sites due to the number of messages they get more than any other ethnicity.

Just had the first date with this girl. I think it went well.

But I feel like I'm playing a game of chess where I haven't been taught all the rules. I'm not really sure what my next step is.

Don't overthink it - let her know you had a good time and see if you can set up another date. If conversation happens naturally, let it happen.

 

[Tess3ract]

Have you had any luck with someone who didn't post a photo?

 

[Ovid]

I remember seeing a graphic that broke down people's willingness to mate based off race and gender and the one thing I remember was that white women were the pickiest and black men were the most non-picky. It was generally a sliding scale from white -> asian -> latino -> black, if I remember correctly. Black men and black women were more willing to date outside of race than white men and white women, for example.

I've definitely observed this on dating sites. I'm black, but have always been drawn mostly to white women (and have messaged mostly white women), yet the only date I've actually had on one of these sites was with a black woman. And percentage-wise, I get far more responses (even if they ultimately lead nowhere) from black women than white women.

I think white women probably have themselves validated as the ideal on those sites due to the number of messages they get more than any other ethnicity.

That's funny because I'm the complete opposite. I've only gone out with one black woman from this site. The rest have been all white.

 

[starchild excalibur]

That's funny because I'm the complete opposite. I've only gone out with one black woman from this site. The rest have been all white.

Just out of curiosity, are you also black?

 

[Mecha_Infantry]

Have you had any luck with someone who didn't post a photo?

Nope. They always look, some message...but I can't reply without seeing someone

Trying POF tonight


Edit...I am black and only get solicited by white women

 

[starchild excalibur]

Edit...I am black and only get solicited by white women

god damnit

Out of curiosity, what city are you in? I'm in Pasadena, CA.

 

[Ovid]

Just out of curiosity, are you also black?

Yup.

Edit...I am black and only get solicited by white women

I would say 90% of my visitors are from white woman though.

 

[starchild excalibur]

Yup.

god damnit.

Spoiler

 

[Mecha_Infantry]

I'm in London

To be honest though, there are hardly any black chicks on OKC in London. I'm looking at POF now and that's where most of them seem to be

 

[Maddocks]

You’ve messaged 185 or more people! Thanks for being awesome – have $5 off A-List!

I wont stop till I reach 500!

 

[Loona]

Quiver matches don't also show up for the person they point you to, do they?

I ended up sending a message to a girl in my quiver (there are so few women in the site for this are by now only new users show up there...) who's on the lowest possible age bracket I'm comfortable with, and she actually replied with some interest for a place I mentioned, let's see how this goes...

 

[Maddocks]

I don't think it does, but it tells them that they are your quiver match. has a big ass worded message at the very top of your message saying it.

 

[Loona]

I don't think it does, but it tells them that they are your quiver match. has a big ass worded message at the very top of your message saying it.

Thanks - the "meta game" thickens, I guess. Might feel like getting something on Valentines day and wondering if you'd get the attention normally, while the other hand girls on the site get more attention than average anyway...

 

[Az987]

Nope. They always look, some message...but I can't reply without seeing someone

Trying POF tonight


Edit...I am black and only get solicited by white women

I'm white and I mostly (around 75% of the time) get solicited by black women.

 

[Mikey Jr.]

One question guys.

I got an email saying some girl was "checking you out".

What does that mean?

 

[Maddocks]

One question guys.

I got an email saying some girl was "checking you out".

What does that mean?

it means she rated you 4-5 stars.

 

[Bealost]

Awesome to hear man!

And no matter what anyone else tells you, you are absolutely playing a game of chess. That is exactly what dating is until both parties have committed to a relationship

Bring us up to speed on what happened and we can help you plot your next move

Step 1: Be awesome
Step 2: Be yourself

If rejected, proceed to Step 1.

Not that I'm the most experienced guy here (definitely not) but I can tell you that the current gf gave no outward signs of being interested, until I pushed just a little. At that point she basically attacked me. Don't be afraid to make a move. Yes I met her on OKC.

Edit:: This has also made me question NOT pushing the previous one faster, that one didn't go as well as I had hoped.

 

[Mikey Jr.]

it means she rated you 4-5 stars.

So what does that mean exactly? That she is interested in me? Or that she is interested in profiles that are like mine, not specifically me?

 

[Maddocks]

So what does that mean exactly? That she is interested in me? Or that she is interested in profiles that are like mine, not specifically me?

it means she was looking at the quick match. For a quick match it shows all your pictures and your full profile in 1 page. then it asks you to rate the person.

so she pretty much rated you 4 or 5 stars(it will not email you if she rated you 3 or below) she could be interested in you and is saving it for later. it does save all ratings to go back to later.

 

[Invisible Man]

Went on a date with a girl from POF tonight. I was interested in her because she was a huge gamer and loved football. So, I thought that we should click, right?

Wrong. I mean it's not like we had long awkward pauses or anything, but I really didn't feel that instant connection like I thought we would.

We met up at the mall since that's what I suggested and then ate some froyo at a TCBY at the mall. She paid for our froyo despite me having my wallet out ready to pay at the checkout because she said that she would pay since she was the one to suggest we eat at TCBY. So, I said, "Okay, I got next time then".

We talked while we ate. Games, movies, tv shows, etc. She told me that she was involved in a 4 car pileup in the highway where her car was totaled(She said it wasn't her fault since she was in the middle of it). Also told me she was a text while driving type and that she routinely goes about 90MPH on the highway while she does it.

So, those two things kinda put me off a bit.

After we finished eating we walked around the mall a bit and then went into FYE since she wanted to look for COD shirt.

After that we walked around for just a short bit until she said that she had decided she was going to go out with her girl friend that had texted her before our date asking her if they were going out. She had mentioned this eariler while we were eating at TCBY, so it's not like it came out of nowhere. Though I suspect it was definitely an out for her. Anyways we hugged and said bye.

I don't really feel that bad about her blowing me off to go out with her friend, since like I said I didn't really feel a connection and wasn't really physically attracted to her like I thought based on her pics.

But hey! At least I got some free froyo out of it!