That's different. Now it sounds like you're just hesitant instead of using her for practice.
Keep going if you have any actual interest in her, obviously. If not, move on. Don't justify it as practice.
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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!
- Thread starter AlimNassor
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Keep going if you have any actual interest in her, obviously. If not, move on. Don't justify it as practice.
HAHAHA! Nice bro! I totally think it will blow up in your face, but still +respect points for doing something funny.
So I was supposed to have a date with a really cute girl tonight. She said she wanted to a few times, around 5:30 I check in to see what's shaking and she's still up for hanging so I ask her cool where will I need to go so I can get google directions. No reply for a hour...so about a hour and a half later I text again to just say, "I'm ready to hang out if you are. I'm super nervous, but I'm sure you are more so than me since you are naturally shy. When and where should I head to?" No reply.
Gave up. It's past 8PM now. Got played since she ALWAYS texts back like 15 seconds after I do. Either she's using fake pics or there's something else going on.
:/ ugh
Hematocryal
Banned
I couldn't do online dating, yikes! Too awkward for my bones. I only date women I've known a while and got to be friends with. I've done ONE friend set up and Holy CRAP do I regret it... live and learn. Either way I'm marrying this girl that keeps ruining my life, I have it all planned out, should only be 7 or 8 more years now.
Don't be over the top or specifically ask for a nude pose, but be aware that there's a chance it'll turn into that when she gets there.
Perspicacity
Banned
Servbot I want you to draw me like one of your French girls
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Man, I didn't realize just how many women I'd hidden until I checked - nine pages worth! I hide based on my perception the relationship not working because of deal-breaker questions, their priorities don't match up with mine or they never (or stopped) responded to my message. I do it mostly because I forget which profiles I've checked already.
grap3fruitman
Banned
Almost 26.
Not. One. Single. Relationship.
When's it coming?
At this rate I'm going to buy a house before ever having a girlfriend.
I'm going to regret this: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/chrisszy
That profile does a perfect job of reflecting my personality.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
You're more attractive than most dudes. That profile sucks, though. Who are you? What's your personality?
Perspicacity
Banned
See a psychiatrist.
grap3fruitman
Banned
I don't like them.
grap3fruitman
Banned
Well what should I put on it?
Look at mine: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Avyre
Of course I'm not saying mine is the best profile ever, but see how I say things about myself that people might find interesting, and explain it using multiple sentences (I might have the opposite problem as you where I babble on for too long, but at least it gives people something to work with). Also notice how my profile is mostly written in a lighthearted mood? I focus on positive things, and generally give the impression that I'm easy to be around.
Give people something to talk about. Act like you're a fun guy to hang out with. If you have nothing to talk about in your life then you have more important things to worry about than women.
This might not be what you want to hear but...
I'm 30, closing on my first condo at the end of the month, have never been in a relationship... and I don't give a sh*t. At some point you're going to have to get to the point where you're happy with yourself and don't rely on others for validation.
grap3fruitman
Banned
M-F: Go to work, come home, GAF/internet/TV, sleep. Rinse, repeat. Sometimes I go to the gym but that's been less and less as I've become continuously disappointed with my efforts there and the results, or lack thereof. Weekends? Same thing minus work and replace with grocery shopping.
Nothing.
Usually two X chromosomes.
I've tried to do that for four years now with nothing to show for it and it's caused me to become even more depressed.
BrightEyedPanic
Member
Before I met Ryan, I had one other interaction from OKC. Worst first impression EVER.
Initially he was nice, witty, not really my type, but most girls would probably go apeshit (tattoos, built) so I can't deny that he was attractive. Eventually messaging lead to texting and then we agreed to meet up at a place near me. We got along okay, but there was no chemistry. He was into sports and bad tattoos, and I was probably not being as attentive as I could have been. He kept focusing on my bisexuality and would ask me if I would bang 'that' girl or that one...ALL NIGHT. He focused on my vegan diet, and kept insisting I eat the appetizers he was ordering (stuff covered in bacon.) So we parted amicably, but the next day I had 17 missed texts. I slept in until 3pm, and he thought I was ignoring him so he blew up my phone, and then ultimately decided that he was too good for me, that girls normally worship him, to look at what I'm missing out on, and then dared me to find better. I finally responded, told him I was in no way interested in even keeping in touch and haven't heard anything since. Then right as I was going to get rid of my profile, I got a message from the one I'm with now. Literally as I was deleting, I was going through messages to see if there was anyone worth social networking with, one popped up and the rest is history in the making.
Initially he was nice, witty, not really my type, but most girls would probably go apeshit (tattoos, built) so I can't deny that he was attractive. Eventually messaging lead to texting and then we agreed to meet up at a place near me. We got along okay, but there was no chemistry. He was into sports and bad tattoos, and I was probably not being as attentive as I could have been. He kept focusing on my bisexuality and would ask me if I would bang 'that' girl or that one...ALL NIGHT. He focused on my vegan diet, and kept insisting I eat the appetizers he was ordering (stuff covered in bacon.) So we parted amicably, but the next day I had 17 missed texts. I slept in until 3pm, and he thought I was ignoring him so he blew up my phone, and then ultimately decided that he was too good for me, that girls normally worship him, to look at what I'm missing out on, and then dared me to find better. I finally responded, told him I was in no way interested in even keeping in touch and haven't heard anything since. Then right as I was going to get rid of my profile, I got a message from the one I'm with now. Literally as I was deleting, I was going through messages to see if there was anyone worth social networking with, one popped up and the rest is history in the making.
17 messages? Lmao.
What did the lucky guy sent you to convince you not to delete your account?
BrightEyedPanic
Member
When I had mine up, I was very sarcastic, succinct, and to the point. (people don't like to read) I am fairly pessimistic...safe to say "more than most." But my one-liners got a lot of attention, and I even included something for others to use as ice breakers with me, to see what they came up with, and allow them an opportunity to say something other than "hi."
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
You're boring, grap3fruitman. And you know it, and you don't care, and you continue to be boring, but you hate it. It's stupid. The whole cycle is stupid. Be interested to be interesting.
BrightEyedPanic
Member
Initially it was just a compliment. So I scoped the profile, saw he had cats, and we responded back and forth for like a week, just chatting about our obvious mutual interests in gaming, cats, and disdain for condiments. Then switched to texting. Then meeting. Then I disabled dat shit.
grap3fruitman
Banned
Could you maybe be more vague?
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
I closed my OKC in late 2011. It actually ended up upsetting me more than anything else. Much like "real life", not one girl was interested in me. Lately, I've been feeling lonely for female companionship but I just can't get myself to open up another profile whether it's OKC or somewhere else. I'm just too scared and don't think it would do anything but drop my confidence down again. Plus, personal life issues won't help either. Forever alone.
The_Inquisitor
Member
Well created a profile tonight after feeling absolutely lonely. Feel free to critique haha.
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/pacman326
Already talking to a girl on chat. Seems interesting thus far. Completely new to the online dating thing.
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/pacman326
Already talking to a girl on chat. Seems interesting thus far. Completely new to the online dating thing.
Looks good.
Looks fine to me Inquisitor.
Do something else man. Let's be honest here, no girl is gonna be interested in a guy who just goes to work and surfs gaf all day. If you want a girl you first have to be a guy that a girl would want. A girl wants a guy who is interesting, fun, confident, successful and caring (and who has good chemistry with her but that one you can't help). It's pretty clear you're not fun, confident or interesting. So either make an actual effort to become fun, confident and interesting or stop feeling sorry for yourself.
How do you do you become fun? Put yourself into fun situations. Go out with friends, get drunk at a bar, find wacky adventures. This might even make you more confident or introduce you to a hobby. It WILL be uncomfortable at first.
How do you become interesting? Take up new hobbies. Learn an instrument, learn a language, write a book. This might even make you more fun and confident. It WILL be uncomfortable at first.
How do you become confident? Find validation within yourself, not from others. Meditate, find victories in small things, find things that inspire you. This might even strengthen your hobbies and make you more fun. It WILL be uncomfortable at first.
You will not become any of those things by feeling sorry for yourself. If you're not willing to grow by doing things you're uncomfortable doing then you obviously don't want it very bad and you should stop complaining.
Sorry if I come across as harsh, it's bro love.
Do something else man. Let's be honest here, no girl is gonna be interested in a guy who just goes to work and surfs gaf all day. If you want a girl you first have to be a guy that a girl would want. A girl wants a guy who is interesting, fun, confident, successful and caring (and who has good chemistry with her but that one you can't help). It's pretty clear you're not fun, confident or interesting. So either make an actual effort to become fun, confident and interesting or stop feeling sorry for yourself.
How do you do you become fun? Put yourself into fun situations. Go out with friends, get drunk at a bar, find wacky adventures. This might even make you more confident or introduce you to a hobby. It WILL be uncomfortable at first.
How do you become interesting? Take up new hobbies. Learn an instrument, learn a language, write a book. This might even make you more fun and confident. It WILL be uncomfortable at first.
How do you become confident? Find validation within yourself, not from others. Meditate, find victories in small things, find things that inspire you. This might even strengthen your hobbies and make you more fun. It WILL be uncomfortable at first.
You will not become any of those things by feeling sorry for yourself. If you're not willing to grow by doing things you're uncomfortable doing then you obviously don't want it very bad and you should stop complaining.
Sorry if I come across as harsh, it's bro love.
grap3fruitman
Banned
BrightEyedPanic
Member
grap3fruitman
Banned
What? That's the advice that's always given in the other dating thread. How come I get the exact opposite response?
Well you're single and you want to change that right? So it must be ok.
Interficium
Banned
Round and round we go!
Jesus grape, being a depressed whining man child is not good for anybody. That shouldn't be "yourself" in the first place. But that's just my opinion.
So I have a girl who is interested in me and I in her, why is it so hard to make a move? Going on third date tomorrow. Don't know if i should try for a kiss? How would I even do that? So hard..
So I have a girl who is interested in me and I in her, why is it so hard to make a move? Going on third date tomorrow. Don't know if i should try for a kiss? How would I even do that? So hard..
Interficium
Banned
Personal experiences: If she locks eyes with you (preferably while smiling) while within close proximity to your face, that is your go signal, move in for the kill. Put yourself in situations in which this may occur.
You can also just do the thing where after you guys have a little "moment" you say something like "wanna make out?" or something kinda funny like that, works more often than not.
Vice Guide to Picking Up Chicks said:
grap3fruitman
Banned
Could I get an actual answer instead of smart-ass replies?
How am I a "man child?"
But why is it okay in this instance but not in the other 99.9%?
I don't know how I'd go about changing everything about myself either and I'm certainly not motivated to do so either. It just seems contradictory to every single piece of advice I've ever read.
Interficium
Banned
At this point why should anyone bother? You've shown that when somebody takes the time and effort to dole out real advice like Servbot24 did, you either ignore it completely or dismiss it with one of your signature depressive bon mots.
grap3fruitman
Banned
"Actual advice" is "incredibly vague advice" now? Okay.
Absoludacrous
Member
You don't have to change everything, but at least change something. Just find one new thing that interests you, cooking classes, kayaking, mountain biking, salsa dancing, anything. It'll get you started on changing something for the better, get you out there to meet new people, and give you something interesting to talk about on new dates.
element
Member
OkCupid is the worst. I hate it. But I refuse to use a pay service. If I wanted to get rejected and pay for it, I'd just go to a bar.
OkCupid suffers from women being to fucking picky because they get spammed with tons of messages. The whole system is broken is you're a normal guy.
I guess it is time to work on the abs and play the lottery.
OkCupid suffers from women being to fucking picky because they get spammed with tons of messages. The whole system is broken is you're a normal guy.
I guess it is time to work on the abs and play the lottery.
Haha thanks for that. We are going to go to a drive in movie tomorrow, might try and see if something happens there.
Whining and complaining is very childish. You don't HAVE to change. But you should realize that the way you come across as now, is not doing you any favors. You have 2 options
1. Accept that girls do not want you in this current state and be alone
2. Change your attitude to become a more positive and fun person.
Of course there's also the small chance some girl enjoys a guy who "hates to have fun".
Interficium
Banned
Are you kidding? That should be easy mode. It's beyond cliche to make-out at the drive-in, I think at this point it's just assumed.
Absoludacrous
Member
Honestly, just the fact that you're on the 3rd date is a go signal. Gotta get over that fear, it actually becomes pretty easy once you've done it a few times. I usually just say "Oh, there is one thing I forgot to mention" towards the end of the first date and then go for it.
Remember, on most dates the girl is as nervous as you are, so don't be afraid to take control of that moment and just move in. It actually doesn't get that awkward, since it's kind of an ice breaker on its own. The only way I can ever see it backfiring is if the date has gone terribly, but normally you would have picked up on that long before you got that far.
grap3fruitman
Banned
You do realize that the first part of my profile is satirical, right? It's supposed to be a jab at all the generic "OMG I LUV TO HAV FUNN" profiles I've seen on the site.
I'm pretty sure that the third date is anal.
When people say that they mean don't adapt a new personality. That's not genuine and it will fail/make you unhappy. I'm telling you to improve upon the personality and the lifestyle you already have. Self improvement is a good thing. People mature.
Bottom line though is that you're making an actual effort to stay stubborn and boring forever. No one can help you until you get over yourself.
In the meantime, if you're not motivated to do anything about this then why are you here posting.
So basically your self-summary is that you look down on others. Your profile needs to be more positive and say more about you.
FelixOrion
Poet Centuriate
Actually the advice that is always given is "work on yourself", implying that you can still be you for the most part, but we all have shit that we need to honestly and constructively iron out. You work on you, not make a new you.
I know how you feel it can either make or break you.
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