Don't use OKCupid as your sole hope for dating. Just check it once in a while, message a few attractive girls, don't have any expectations. If one of them messages you back, lucky you, but try to meet girls irl as your primary source of dating potential.
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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!
- Thread starter AlimNassor
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Don't use OKCupid as your sole hope for dating. Just check it once in a while, message a few attractive girls, don't have any expectations. If one of them messages you back, lucky you, but try to meet girls irl as your primary source of dating potential.
Lets put it this way; if you were a hot girl i'd still not date you. You reek of negativity and low self esteem and that's not attractive in any way, shape or form.
"Being yourself" is crap advice if all this whining is who you are. Keep it inside. I'm sure it's unfair but that's life. Unfair. You don't have to be someone completely different, just practice some self censorship and keep the negativity to a minimum.
That's my advice.
PumpkinPie
Banned
I went on dates with two girl this week:
Girl A: Cute face, quite overweight. Didn't think I'd like her at all but agreed to go out, ended up totally clicking with her and stayed over for two days.
Girl B: Very pretty, seemed to get on with her well during online chatting. Met up with her and she had ZERO personality. She answered every question with single word answers and didn't talk or look at me at all. I assumed the hated me and didn't mind, but then she sent me a text afterwards and said she really like me and wanted to kiss. REALLY?
I went on another date with her to give her a chance to overcome her nerves. Same thing again. 3 hours with me desperately trying to get her to utter a single word. We walked about while she nervously stared at the floor. Again, afterwards she sent me a text telling me how much fun she had and that she wanted to go out again. I told her she was lifeless like a corpse and didn't have the patience for one-way conversations.
So, despite the first girl being less attractive by conventional means we're seeing each other again. The second girl just pissed me off plain and simple. I'm extremely shy but was forced to talk non-stop, otherwise we'd have spent 3 hours in total silence. Her personality was completely absent, and yet she seemed crazy during our messages before meeting.
Girl A: Cute face, quite overweight. Didn't think I'd like her at all but agreed to go out, ended up totally clicking with her and stayed over for two days.
Girl B: Very pretty, seemed to get on with her well during online chatting. Met up with her and she had ZERO personality. She answered every question with single word answers and didn't talk or look at me at all. I assumed the hated me and didn't mind, but then she sent me a text afterwards and said she really like me and wanted to kiss. REALLY?
I went on another date with her to give her a chance to overcome her nerves. Same thing again. 3 hours with me desperately trying to get her to utter a single word. We walked about while she nervously stared at the floor. Again, afterwards she sent me a text telling me how much fun she had and that she wanted to go out again. I told her she was lifeless like a corpse and didn't have the patience for one-way conversations.
So, despite the first girl being less attractive by conventional means we're seeing each other again. The second girl just pissed me off plain and simple. I'm extremely shy but was forced to talk non-stop, otherwise we'd have spent 3 hours in total silence. Her personality was completely absent, and yet she seemed crazy during our messages before meeting.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
All you sexy motherfuckers are making me insecure.
Maddocks
Member
Don't worry about a relationship, I was 22 before I had my first relationship. Believe me, its better to wait and find someone who cares for you then to rush into something just because you want to experience it. It will hurt you more then help you.
I rated you 5 stars though. But you need to change your profile to show how fun you are, even if its a lie. your selling yourself to strangers. If your profile is,"I hate shit, fuck off bitches" girls are not going to be dropping panties. Never be truthful in college or money made. I put I make 1 million a year because I sell coke to the mexican mob. Shit like that gets girls to laugh at it because its so silly.
Be silly, be dumb, but be controlled. No negativity. Unless its,"I trip over my own feet on weekends because I have trouble keeping my balance on days that start with S"
Yeah, I totally expect it. I change it up every month or so. I try to keep my self summery as silly as possible. It wont work of course, no girl is going to even read it and know what song I stole. I once had "temple of the king" and a girl messaged me saying God is great and how it shows in my profile. All I could think but not say was,"its just a song by Rainbow"
grap3fruitman
Banned
So to "mature" you suggest I go out and get drunk?
I disagree and I fail to see how you came to this conclusion.
Posts like this make me 99% sure that you're more negative than I am. So it's that or you're trolling me.
This is probably the most honest thing I've read in this entire thread. I don't quite know how to "work on me" but still...
What about my profile suggests all that negativity? I do censor myself and keep it inside. But sometimes after bottling things up for so long, things blow up, like in this thread for instance. My profile doesn't reflect any of that.
Well I don't think I'm that attractive but if you do then don't let it get to you because, as the last several pages will show you, it's not getting me anywhere anyway.All you sexy motherfuckers are making me insecure.
"Rush into something." Just reiterating that I'm almost 26 and have never been in a relationship. I've been alone this entire time and everyday I grow more and more concerned that I'll be like that for the rest of my life.
Had a pretty good OKC weekend. Went on a first date with a girl Friday night and then a 3rd date with another on Saturday.
Friday: We live close to an hour from each other, she volunteered to come up to me which was weird for me since I'm always used to driving to them. She was about 1/2 hour late because she got lost and couldn't find the bar. Despite it not starting out well the rest of the date went real well. The bar started playing music at 10 and we left so we could actually hear each other talk. She was weirdly very open about everything. Told me she didn't have high expectations for the date because she figured I was some real fit, preppy guy (which I'm not). Instead she said she was glad we met because she thought I was really funny and cute. We ended up in her car and she starts showing me the guys that message her on OKC. We both have fun making fun of most of the guys that message her. She's fairly nerdy. Asked me if I was brony within the first 10 minutes (I'm not), she laughed and said, "Good. I can't date anyone who likes that again." Ended up talking about L4D also, we both ended up yelling "Pills here!" at various points in the night. Definitely one of the more fun dates I've been on.
I'm seeing her again Tuesday night for dinner. Not entirely sure if its going to work out though. She's dating a few other guys, including one who she's seen somewhere between 10-15 times the past month. I feel like I'm probably option 2 if the other guy fucks up. It sounded like he did because he tried to set up a Crazy Blind Date, and she ignored him for a few days. They did go out on Saturday though. Yeah, she's weirdly very open about all this. Asks me how my past and current dates went also.
Saturday: Went out with this girl for the 3rd time. Bowling, went back to her place to drink and watch hockey. Was at her place so you can guess where things went from there. Ended up laying with her in bed just talking and laughing for a few hours the next morning before I left.
I do feel slightly guilty sleeping with her while I'm still dating someone else. I did talk to her later in the day and told her maybe we should wait before doing it again. I guess I'm worried that I might hurt her if we sleep together a few times and then I end up choosing the other girl. I've never really dated more than one girl at a time so its new territory for me. She seems okay with keeping the sex casual without getting into anything serious, so maybe I shouldn't feel that guilty.
I've managed to avoid the rest of OKC for the weekend. Dropped off conversations with 2 other girls this week, 1 that has had my number for over a month. She was always too busy to meet last month. I figure I'm too busy now. I have my hands full just trying to date 2, I'd go crazy with anything more.
Friday: We live close to an hour from each other, she volunteered to come up to me which was weird for me since I'm always used to driving to them. She was about 1/2 hour late because she got lost and couldn't find the bar. Despite it not starting out well the rest of the date went real well. The bar started playing music at 10 and we left so we could actually hear each other talk. She was weirdly very open about everything. Told me she didn't have high expectations for the date because she figured I was some real fit, preppy guy (which I'm not). Instead she said she was glad we met because she thought I was really funny and cute. We ended up in her car and she starts showing me the guys that message her on OKC. We both have fun making fun of most of the guys that message her. She's fairly nerdy. Asked me if I was brony within the first 10 minutes (I'm not), she laughed and said, "Good. I can't date anyone who likes that again." Ended up talking about L4D also, we both ended up yelling "Pills here!" at various points in the night. Definitely one of the more fun dates I've been on.
I'm seeing her again Tuesday night for dinner. Not entirely sure if its going to work out though. She's dating a few other guys, including one who she's seen somewhere between 10-15 times the past month. I feel like I'm probably option 2 if the other guy fucks up. It sounded like he did because he tried to set up a Crazy Blind Date, and she ignored him for a few days. They did go out on Saturday though. Yeah, she's weirdly very open about all this. Asks me how my past and current dates went also.
Saturday: Went out with this girl for the 3rd time. Bowling, went back to her place to drink and watch hockey. Was at her place so you can guess where things went from there. Ended up laying with her in bed just talking and laughing for a few hours the next morning before I left.
I do feel slightly guilty sleeping with her while I'm still dating someone else. I did talk to her later in the day and told her maybe we should wait before doing it again. I guess I'm worried that I might hurt her if we sleep together a few times and then I end up choosing the other girl. I've never really dated more than one girl at a time so its new territory for me. She seems okay with keeping the sex casual without getting into anything serious, so maybe I shouldn't feel that guilty.
I've managed to avoid the rest of OKC for the weekend. Dropped off conversations with 2 other girls this week, 1 that has had my number for over a month. She was always too busy to meet last month. I figure I'm too busy now. I have my hands full just trying to date 2, I'd go crazy with anything more.
Maddocks
Member
When I was 21 I felt that my life had reached its peak. I never had sex, I was alone, I battled my self image and self worth. I felt at 21 that I would be alone forever and worst of all, I accepted it.
Then one day I met a girl at a party and we hit it off and a relationship was born. Shit just happens when you least expect it and when you least want it. I'm 29 now, that was my first and last relationship, it taught me that I just wasn't ready to be with someone and to care for someone. I had to work on myself to prepare myself mentally for what a relationship is. You might think it will not happen, but it will happen when you least expect it.
Deadly Cyclone
Pride of Iowa State
Looking at setting up date #2 with the girl I met last week for tomorrow night maybe. It's funny, I can handle the dating, talking, keeping it interesting, but I start to get anxiety about the night when I think of trying to give her a goodnight kiss or anything of that nature. Maybe that's me being human?
We talked for 1.5 hours on our first date Saturday and she said she wants to see me again for sure, so I'm probably over-thinking things. After 8 years without a relationship you'll do that though.
We talked for 1.5 hours on our first date Saturday and she said she wants to see me again for sure, so I'm probably over-thinking things. After 8 years without a relationship you'll do that though.
I think we all get those anxieties too. The girls also. They probably are on the date thinking, "Does this guy like me? Is he going to kiss me?" I've learned that when they agree to a second date they are most likely going to be expecting a kiss. I just go in for it when it feels right, usually the end of the date makes it the easiest when we go in for the goodbye hug. Either lock eyes with them before the hug and go in for the kiss, or let the hug linger for a bit then pull back and kiss her. Hasn't proved me wrong yet. Never had anyone pull away or dodge the kiss.
It might seem silly, but I came up with a list of everything that I didn't like about myself and came up with a plan to attack them. From then, it was just a matter of implementing those plans. I still haven't been in a relationship, but I am pretty damn happy with who I am.
What would you consider actual advice? A detailed plan on how to live your life?
Aside from that: Your okc pictures are quite good I think, they do show a fun and lighthearted you. In contrast to your first sentence. The problem with irony is that it has to be way over the top and a bit silly to work in a positive way and make you more attractive. Granted my point of view might be influenced by reading this thread before looking at your profile, but still... the "I hate having fun. My evenings consist entirely of sitting in a chair, arms folded, making grumpy faces." sound just too serious to be taken in a light hearted, fun and attractive way. Even people who agree with you about not falling into clichéd lines will have a hard time understanding what you are trying to express.
In the same vein I would try to put the 9-5 office job into a more light hearted way like "Mastering the ancient art of filing files" or whatever it is you mostly do.
Typical Friday Night: Why not "Pretending I'm Bill Murray in Goundhog Day" instead of "watching reruns". Sounds a bit more fun and out of the ordinary.
Wow, that's a harsh way to put it. In your place I'd have been more interested in this apparent gap between interacting with her in person and via written words.
I have to inform you that I'm so totally going to steal this.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Sometimes I'm tempted to pay for A-List so I can look at profiles more than once without looking like a creeper.
The line made me laugh out loud; it doesn't come across serious at all. Maybe not attractive , but funny none-the-less.
PumpkinPie
Banned
We're still talking and trying to find out what the problem is. I'm leaning towards her just being a boring person. I suppose it's easy to make yourself seem interesting via text because you have plenty of time to formulate a suitable reply.
I told her to bring the girl I've been texting with her next time
Red_taiyaki
Member
This same shit happened to me. Now granted replace "at a party" with university anime club (where I was an officer) and same stuff. We ended up drifting because I didn't want to maintain a long-distance relationship at the time. I chalk it up to my own immaturity and a lesson learned in life.
But yes, that was my last relationship before I essentially became a hikkikomori/otaku for six plus years after graduating college and redeveloped social anxiety/introvertedness. Now that I've snapped out of it a bit I find myself more mentally ready than before since I went through that process of "finding myself."
The_Inquisitor
Member
Well kind of bizarre. I was talking to the girl and she stopped responding out of nowhere. Eh, I am not too worried, if she's interested she will respond back eventually.
PumpkinPie
Banned
That's standard behaviour for girls. Expect a message from her in two months when things don't work out with the more handsome guy. It's happened to me numerous times.
Red_taiyaki
Member
It happens to the best of us. At the very least, just like job hunting, it's best to keep your options open
.As far as I'm concerned, there isn't any sort of personal relationship between me and whomever I'm talking to until they're sitting right across in front of me. Or at least that's the approach I usually try to use.
The_Inquisitor
Member
It happens to the best of us. At the very least, just like job hunting, it's best to keep your options open
As far as I'm concerned, there isn't any sort of personal relationship between me and whomever I'm talking to until they're sitting right across in front of me. Or at least that's the approach I usually try to use.
Yeah I'd agree with a lot of that. I've made the mistake of getting too close to girls without much commitment from them in the past. Trying to ease off that dramatically. I do need to figure out how to get more opportunities to meet new people. As I said in the dating thread I'm going to a birthday party that should have a lot of single girls this Saturday so that should be fun. But outside that, gotta keep working to find new people.
Deadly Cyclone
Pride of Iowa State
So the girl I saw Saturday (1.5 hour coffee date) added me on Facebook. She took a photo of her watching the Inauguration today with her sweats on and I commented saying "I'd rather be there than work!" She replied that I should skip work and come over. I told her I wish I could but I'd call her to set up plans (for date 2) at lunch.
Good sign right?
Good sign right?
The_Inquisitor
Member
Well maybe I spoke too soon. She just messaged me back.
Damn, really need to develop more confidence in myself.
Damn, really need to develop more confidence in myself.
I almost fucked up on Saturday night. Got a nice back and forth going with a girl and we had a mutual interest in gaming. I had given her my steam account to scope out or whatever and she gave her one back.
So I add her as a friend and I start playing TF2 in the mean time.
She messages me mid game and I was sort of managing to multi-task playing and talking. Then she says something and I reply back "My team needs me so no can do" (not those exact words, but you get the meaning). I immediately realised what I just did and dropped TF2 right there and then to talk to her, saying she was more interesting.
Ended up messaging for an hour back and forth. Let it also be said that I may be the only person ever to try and impress a girl by giving her a copy of Dota 2.
So I add her as a friend and I start playing TF2 in the mean time.
She messages me mid game and I was sort of managing to multi-task playing and talking. Then she says something and I reply back "My team needs me so no can do" (not those exact words, but you get the meaning). I immediately realised what I just did and dropped TF2 right there and then to talk to her, saying she was more interesting.
Ended up messaging for an hour back and forth. Let it also be said that I may be the only person ever to try and impress a girl by giving her a copy of Dota 2.
Messypandas
Member
Nice to see you got your priorities straight
The_Inquisitor
Member
Haha damn dude. You would have a had a story for that "oblivious to being hit on" thread lol.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Very good. Feel good about it!
Deadly Cyclone
Pride of Iowa State
Date 2 set up for a nice restaurant in town tomorrow night. Now comes 48 hours of nervousness.
EDIT: Also she said "Ok dinner at 5:30 then we'll play it by ear after." I hadn't considered an after.
EDIT: Also she said "Ok dinner at 5:30 then we'll play it by ear after." I hadn't considered an after.
grap3fruitman:
You are writing a dating ad. Focus on the word "ad." What's it short for? Advertisement. Think about the process of applying for a job. If you're trying to get in for a generic office gig, your cover letter shouldn't be about how much you dislike working with computers and interacting with co-workers. That's a resume that's going in the trash. You are trying to sell yourself. That doesn't mean change everything about yourself to meet someone else's expectations, it means to highlight your positives.
You are writing a dating ad. Focus on the word "ad." What's it short for? Advertisement. Think about the process of applying for a job. If you're trying to get in for a generic office gig, your cover letter shouldn't be about how much you dislike working with computers and interacting with co-workers. That's a resume that's going in the trash. You are trying to sell yourself. That doesn't mean change everything about yourself to meet someone else's expectations, it means to highlight your positives.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
grap3fruitman, if dudes on the Internet don't even like your personality, why would any potential partners?
Red_taiyaki
Member
I'm still getting over some of my old social anxiety issues, stemming off of my old hikki days, but for the most part I think I have them under control. Been practicing walking up to random girls and making small talk with them some more instead of just relying solely on OKC or any dating site, and I certainly feel more confident about my ability to do it again
.I figure if I can ask out a girl online, outside the web shouldn't be too different.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Do you mean asking out girls outside the web shouldn't be too different or spending time with women outside the web shouldn't be too different? I wouldn't agree with either. Being rejected to your face is harsher than someone not replying to a message after looking over your profile (I've experienced both). Also in person you don't have time to prepare as on the web. It's much more pressure. As for the latter, I shouldn't have to explain the immediate differences.Red_taiyaki said:
magnificent83
Member
Guess I want a critique on my profile, its been a while since I had the profile but its only been in the last 8 monthes that I have seriously worked on it
Any feedback or ratings are helpful?
Quote to see
Any feedback or ratings are helpful?
Quote to see
Red_taiyaki
Member
I've experienced both as well, but I believe that each person handles rejection in their own way. So what works for one person doesn't work for another, so on and so forth. Also been on the other side of the carrot stick too.......so yaaaaaaaah.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Most certainly, but they're still very different scenarios.
Red_taiyaki
Member
Hmmmm well ya, I suppose you do have a point there. Still, rejection is pretty much what we make of it.
FelixOrion
Poet Centuriate
No man! I would offended if you gave me DOTA 2, come on.
She's a keeper!
There's a storm coming.
Guys here said they saw him online on Steam the day he went to see the girl.
NobleGundam
Banned
Within 6 pages of Match Search only 2 active users show up. The rest have deleted their accounts. What?
peteykirch
Member
You know you can set it to only show people active within the last 24 hours, day, or week?
NobleGundam
Banned
No, im a noob using mobile lol
Thanks I'll do that now.
Hey Thanks Man! =DTotally irrelevant response, but just wanted to say that your avatar is kick ass
Red_taiyaki
Member
Totally irrelevant response, but just wanted to say that your avatar is kick ass
.Yup.
That's some boring man. Maybe you are a boring man, and somehow convinced yourself you'll get some quality dates presenting yourself as such, but since you're posting the profile in a thread at NeoGAF, I'm guessing you no longer feel that way.
You're like Stephin Merritt without the droll wit.
Maybe instead of listing shows and what have you, perhaps articulate what you find amusing or enjoy, and give a few examples.
Maybe give an example about a time you were a goofball.
Think of it as adding to yourself instead of changing yourself - do things that interest you and that might create situations for stories to tell to someone you'd like to spend time with.
velvet_nitemare
Member
Created 2, one for tuesday and one for friday. No hits on either as yet. We'll see.
GayForMaster
Banned
I actually got a girl to message me. We added each other on steam... and when she commented on my profile pic and talked about my features I told her it's not actually me. She shrugged and and removed/blocked on steam and OKCupid.
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
Unless "being yourself" means you're an attractive, exciting person it will get you very little way in the real world. You will have to make changes to yourself and in your life. This doesn't mean wearing a mask, but you will have to make changes.
The irony is I haven't made changes and I am "myself". As such, I'm alone and always will be. I just kind of gave up on everything.
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