spiderman123
Member
She already knocked and said yes. We knew each other before and talked alot before but i wanted to ask her in an awesome way.
-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!
- Thread starter AlimNassor
- Start date
- Status
She already knocked and said yes. We knew each other before and talked alot before but i wanted to ask her in an awesome way.
Maddocks
Member
ah it makes sense now. The number is your place of residence, nice. Pretty smooth.
Zoramon089
Banned
I DID IT GAF
I read "WED" as in to marry for a good minute before I realized you meant Wednesday. Hopefully she gets it...
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
You're not alone.
Spunky Monkey
Member
I'll probably regret this but im getting fed up of obviously doing things wrong.
Profile here: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/TigerRawrRawr
So i've sent out a lot of messages. I'll give you a random idea of what im putting in case my messages are all wrong.
So assume most my messages take a thing or two from the profile and ask about it. I don't try jokes as my humour doesn't work in text and im not a comedian. Now out of 50 messages i've had 4 replies and most of those replies are just answering the question with not even a hint of trying to start a conversation. It'd be like me saying. Hey, i see you like pizza, whats your favourite? and the reply is 'Ham and Pineapple' as if its some kind of quiz show. They don't even bother with a 'what about you?' or trying to move the conversation forward. If i try to move it forward it just gets ignored.
Its even more frustrating because most womens profiles are so dull. Just full of 'i love eating and going out and i love my friends and family and i want to meet new people'. Wow, thats such a turn on for most blokes that you like what every single person in the whole world likes. I also fail to believe they like meeting new people as most don't seem to reply to anyone.
I saw one woman put 'i have been single for a few years now'. I then wondered to myself if her low reply rate to people was why she'd been single for so long.
I used to think i was a good looking guy, not fantastic but better than average but using that my best friends face feature i've been rejected by people voting in favour of guys who make Golem look attractive. I've tried many different pics and styles and what i currently use is whats rated the highest out of the lot, which isn't that high.
So i must be doing something wrong, either a bad profile, bad pictures or bad messages. I feel i'd get more responses either by being rude or sending a duplicate message to everyone.
Profile here: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/TigerRawrRawr
So i've sent out a lot of messages. I'll give you a random idea of what im putting in case my messages are all wrong.
So assume most my messages take a thing or two from the profile and ask about it. I don't try jokes as my humour doesn't work in text and im not a comedian. Now out of 50 messages i've had 4 replies and most of those replies are just answering the question with not even a hint of trying to start a conversation. It'd be like me saying. Hey, i see you like pizza, whats your favourite? and the reply is 'Ham and Pineapple' as if its some kind of quiz show. They don't even bother with a 'what about you?' or trying to move the conversation forward. If i try to move it forward it just gets ignored.
Its even more frustrating because most womens profiles are so dull. Just full of 'i love eating and going out and i love my friends and family and i want to meet new people'. Wow, thats such a turn on for most blokes that you like what every single person in the whole world likes. I also fail to believe they like meeting new people as most don't seem to reply to anyone.
I saw one woman put 'i have been single for a few years now'. I then wondered to myself if her low reply rate to people was why she'd been single for so long.
I used to think i was a good looking guy, not fantastic but better than average but using that my best friends face feature i've been rejected by people voting in favour of guys who make Golem look attractive. I've tried many different pics and styles and what i currently use is whats rated the highest out of the lot, which isn't that high.
So i must be doing something wrong, either a bad profile, bad pictures or bad messages. I feel i'd get more responses either by being rude or sending a duplicate message to everyone.
so uh.. i have not been dating anyone in a long time, until now. I'm not sure what the dating scene customs are.
I went out on a date. It was nice, we had a good time but i didn't feel anything romantic in the slightest. We went out saturday, afterwards i sent a sms thanked her for the date, she replied in a similar fashion. No contact since.
Should i just ignore her now, or should i send her a polite message explaning my non interest in pursuing this? I want to do the nice thing here, since she was nice.
I went out on a date. It was nice, we had a good time but i didn't feel anything romantic in the slightest. We went out saturday, afterwards i sent a sms thanked her for the date, she replied in a similar fashion. No contact since.
Should i just ignore her now, or should i send her a polite message explaning my non interest in pursuing this? I want to do the nice thing here, since she was nice.
Thanks guys. It's kind of hilarious to see watch the trend in my visitor feed go from 100% girls in NYC to random male GAFfers from all over the place.
This girl from Austria was randomly in my visitors list amongst all the gaffers:
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/TalesOfALife
Is this someone's fake alt account? lol.
I have done a bunch of spartan races and tuff mudders. I have greatly enjoyed each one. Gather a group of friends into a team, train together in the months leading up to it, and then look forward to an awesome memorable experience at the event. Plus, I guarantee that you will end up with a few good pictures to add to your OKC profile. I have a few images from those events that I cycle between in my profile and I have gotten tons of messages that mention them.
I had a date not too long ago that was like this, and I didn't even send a text afterwards. My feeling is that not showing interest is better than specifically hurting them. If she were interested, she would get in contact with you, and that's when I would explain that you aren't interested.
fair enough
Ugh. I am glad that I've never had to deal with a nightmare scenario like that.
I am generally fine with paying on a first date but if the girl offers I usually suggest that she pay the tip. If a girl is not ok with paying for 20% of her dinner she probably isn't worth dating. Having said that, my general policy is to stick to places that the girl could afford to eat at by herself. A relationship can become unbalanced immediately if you start treating a date to super fancy dinners that they would never be able to afford themselves.
Ugh. I got caught in the foodie trap myself when I had just started on the site. From my experience on the site, if a girl uses the the term "foodie" excessively and mentions specific restaurants in her profile then she is probably looking for a guy to spend a lot of money on her. This stands in contrast to girls who discuss loving food and loving to cook.
I used to have my income listed in my profile and the types of girls who messaged me were dramatically different from the girls who message me now. Gold diggers exist and they are to be avoided.
Deadly Cyclone
Pride of Iowa State
Date 2 tonight, a bit nervous. I do fine in conversation, it's everything else I'm nervous about. 
Future PhaZe
Member
Yeah I'm getting to a point with dates where I'd rather just have her over for dinner (if she's accepting) or just let us both pay.
Being able to go out and have conversation and getting experience from talking to a variety of women and enjoying a meal is never a bad thing, and if things don't work out then oh well, but that shit can quickly become a negative experience when you're dishing out 40 dollars a date.
Being able to go out and have conversation and getting experience from talking to a variety of women and enjoying a meal is never a bad thing, and if things don't work out then oh well, but that shit can quickly become a negative experience when you're dishing out 40 dollars a date.
Red_taiyaki
Member
Damn, my response rates on OKC have been pretty good recently (nearly 35-40%) but I've only managed to carry two into an actual conversation while the others leave like one sentence after the first reply. Oh well, count my blessings I suppose!
dating is expensive as fuck -_- inviting girls over is definitely the way to go if they're up for it. Once I've hung out with them once or twice, Its definitely time to start hanging out at each others houses to save some money.
Perspicacity
Banned
Why weren't you just splitting meals in the first place?
I have some examples man. I just didn't say You're boring and left it at that.
Here's mine:
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/blueoshan
And frankly, I do the same shit you do. I would just elaborate a bit more if I were you.
Future PhaZe
Member
Social standards, gentleman, idiot, etc , etc
Deadly Cyclone
Pride of Iowa State
Hey, I don't see an issue paying for the lady on a date or two. I like to start with coffee dates though, usually you both pay and you can feel each other out. Then if it clicks you can do dinner and pay for her.
Basically what I'm doing tonight.
Basically what I'm doing tonight.
Future PhaZe
Member
Haven't done a coffee one yet. Problem is with working full time I get off at 5, so when I meet others we're both typically really hungry.
Maybe I should scout out more coffee shops. Some of them are a little too small and quiet in general which can be a little awkward.
Maybe I should scout out more coffee shops. Some of them are a little too small and quiet in general which can be a little awkward.
A lot of people here gave you great advice and they are much more patient with you than they should be. We all need help. That's what this place is for. We get that you are frustrated but if you are going to ignore great advice and have a bad attitude towards the people that are trying to help you then it's no wonder why you are having so much difficulties. If random like-minded internet strangers don't like your attitude, then why would any women?
Darkmakaimura, it might be too late to say, but don't give up hope. One thing that I noticed is that you mentioned that no one messaged you or viewed your profile. Did you send out a lot of messages? Or are you hoping for them to check your profile first? I've only gotten a few unprompted visitors. Most of them was from me messaging them, and even then.. it's like 1 or 2 a week.
Unfortunately we have to put in a lot of work. Women on these sites get so many messages that they use it differently than we do.. The girl I'm dating now said that she only looked at profiles of guys that messaged her. So she would never have seen my profile if it wasn't for me contacting her first.
Do you suffer from social anxiety? Another trend I noticed is that okcupid may actually be detrimental to your mind if you do. You have to not take it seriously as rejection on this site is greater than 50%. My rejection is probably in the 90%. But it's easy for me to say, "don't be so bothered by rejection" when I don't suffer from any anxiety.
Red_taiyaki
Member
This pretty much applies to both outside OKC and OKC. Valuable lesson I learned is that if you try to date and pine all your self-worth on whether or not a girl likes you, you're screwed.
Also, OKC, along with other things, has actually helped subdue my social anxiety quite a bit. So idk. Every individual is unique so what works for some certainly won't work for others...
I'm actively chatting 3 girls right now. 1 on Okcupid, 1 on POF (the one I'm most interested in), and one that I added bonus Facebook but met on POF (the cutest one).
None have turned into a date yet, the one I'm messaging now said she'll think about it. I asked her, and she said "we'll see". And that was like a week ago lol. Anyway, the Facebook girl almost went on a date with me, but I was called into work that day -__-have, and the Okcupid girl is really into me. She seems super cool, but I am not yet into her enough to ask her out.
I'm also trying to take GAFs advice and not real on online dating as my sole dating source. So I've been on the fence of asking out this extremely cute girl that works at a local Zaxby's. Of course my mind tries to cop-out with the usual she's probably already taken excuse or she's probably gonna say no excuses. And I know the correct way to approach it this is to eliminate any doubts.. So how exactly do I go about asking for her number? I've joked a bit with her in the past, and my friend says every time we eat there she glances over, not sure if he's full of shit though lol.
Btw this thread has been far more helpful than the dating thread, you guys are awesome. :')
None have turned into a date yet, the one I'm messaging now said she'll think about it. I asked her, and she said "we'll see
". And that was like a week ago lol. Anyway, the Facebook girl almost went on a date with me, but I was called into work that day -__-have, and the Okcupid girl is really into me. She seems super cool, but I am not yet into her enough to ask her out. I'm also trying to take GAFs advice and not real on online dating as my sole dating source. So I've been on the fence of asking out this extremely cute girl that works at a local Zaxby's. Of course my mind tries to cop-out with the usual she's probably already taken excuse or she's probably gonna say no excuses. And I know the correct way to approach it this is to eliminate any doubts.. So how exactly do I go about asking for her number? I've joked a bit with her in the past, and my friend says every time we eat there she glances over, not sure if he's full of shit though lol.
Btw this thread has been far more helpful than the dating thread, you guys are awesome. :')
The_Inquisitor
Member
I'm actively chatting 3 girls right now. 1 on Okcupid, 1 on POF (the one I'm most interested in), and one that I added bonus Facebook but met on POF (the cutest one).
None have turned into a date yet, the one I'm messaging now said she'll think about it. I asked her, and she said "we'll see
I'm also trying to take GAFs advice and not real on online dating as my sole dating source. So I've been on the fence of asking out this extremely cute girl that works at a local Zaxby's. Of course my mind tries to cop-out with the usual she's probably already taken excuse or she's probably gonna say no excuses. And I know the correct way to approach it this is to eliminate any doubts.. So how exactly do I go about asking for her number? I've joked a bit with her in the past, and my friend says every time we eat there she glances over, not sure if he's full of shit though lol.
Btw this thread has been far more helpful than the dating thread, you guys are awesome. :')
So I asked two girls on okcupid and both said yes to dates almost immediately. If she isn't commited it's best you just move on IMHO.
Just clear your head and ask her. Simple as that. There's absolutely nothing for you to lose, and everything to gain. You can do it man.
Future PhaZe
Member
A woman who shows any reluctance to meet after a decent amount of conversation isn't worth bothering with.
SolsticeZero
Banned
I actually met my fiancee on OKCupid, surprisingly. I had a string of bad dates, but finally met her and we just clicked. So, my advice to anyone, don't get discouraged. You won't click with everyone, but there's a good chance that someone on there will click great with you.
Deadly Cyclone
Pride of Iowa State
Man I cannot shake my nerves for this dinner date tonight. On the outside I am collected, but my stomach is doing barrel rolls.
WascallyWabbit
Member
Deadly Cyclone
Pride of Iowa State
Accurate.
Hello brethren,
I've had a file up for a bit, last night I wanted to hammer down on the site and I trimmed down a lot of extra fluff I didn't see fit.
I've sent out a few messages here and there but I think my biggest issue was just too much information. I would like to see what you guys think. Thanks.
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Fizzlebees
><
I've had a file up for a bit, last night I wanted to hammer down on the site and I trimmed down a lot of extra fluff I didn't see fit.
I've sent out a few messages here and there but I think my biggest issue was just too much information. I would like to see what you guys think. Thanks.
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Fizzlebees
><
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
I only skimmed it over, but you appear to be a very articulate, mellow person.
WascallyWabbit
Member
Don't list that you're looking for casual sex, even girls who do want that don't want guys who list that. Crazy, I know
Go to a Meetup for social anxiety then, never know who you might meet. I have SAD and went to one, ended up talking with a super cute 21 year old girl (I'm in my 30s) and we became "friends with benefits" for a while. No, she didn't become my gf but I never in a million years thought I'd have that happen to me, figured that was something that happens to other guys.
Also if you haven't yet, get therapy for it. CBT helped me a lot just in everyday situations. Dating just compounds the self esteem issues that come with SAD.
peteykirch
Member
After having next to no luck, I decided to take the opposite approach and avoid the high % match people, and go for someone whom would be my opposite, and it actually worked. I've had more people sub 65% respond than plus 90%.
This one girl I messaged, didn't think we didn't have that much in common, and after talking for 5 hours she realized that personality wise we are complete twins, and feel strongly about the same exact things.
Turns out she was seeing someone sort of regularly, but had second doubts about him, confirmed when he didn't communicate with her for 3 days prior to their date, only to cancel, and not say anything afterwards.
She pleaded with me not to think of me as her rebound, because she said had I found her a few months earlier, she would've been all over me.
We got our first date Friday, she invited me to her apartment, and I'm going to cook us dinner.
This one girl I messaged, didn't think we didn't have that much in common, and after talking for 5 hours she realized that personality wise we are complete twins, and feel strongly about the same exact things.
Turns out she was seeing someone sort of regularly, but had second doubts about him, confirmed when he didn't communicate with her for 3 days prior to their date, only to cancel, and not say anything afterwards.
She pleaded with me not to think of me as her rebound, because she said had I found her a few months earlier, she would've been all over me.
We got our first date Friday, she invited me to her apartment, and I'm going to cook us dinner.
Yea, I was wondering about that. I'm not really out to get sex but I obviously can't that message across to some random person out there.
Wow, just got the app from the Play Store, I really like it.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Add another person who has social anxiety issues. Okcupid certainly has helped me inch into dating. I may soon grow some balls to ask women in person out. The last time I got shot down by a cute girl at the Dunkin' Donuts drive in. I did go back after that.
I have mixed opinions about this. I once messaged a girl for a second time like 3 months after sending an initial message and it eventually led to a date (only 1 date). I don't think I would do it again though. In dating I think you know immediately if you are interested in a person. Or at least interested enough to reply to their message. I have received a few second messages from girls and it never made me reconsider them.
What makes you want to message her a second time. Do you guys have a lot of specific things in common?
You got this, man. Many times if you're collected on the outside but butterflies on the inside, you feel like you're "screwing up" or not acting collected when in reality your date can't tell. In fact she's probably having similar feelings. Similar to the concept of imagining an audience in their underwear for public speaking, just keep in the back of your mind that (assuming she likes you) she's likely feeling the same way you are.
Just have fun.
Amazing.
You are totally off the mark. It is the accepted custom to simply not respond. This goes both ways. I have never sent a "no thanks" message.
Perspicacity
Banned
Maddocks is totally correct. You know how you see pictures of girls around the site? On the front page, on the left bar, and on the bottom right of every profile? These are girls who actively use the site. If you are an active user, OKCupid essentially rewards you by advertising your page.
As Maddocks said, this is most obvious on the activity feed on the front page. If you change your profile around this will show in this feed. You can do this by changing a single word, but you will probably get more of a response if you write out a thoughtful explanation to a Q&A or add a new picture.
From my experience ~6pm is the best time of day to do this. My guess is that this is the time of day that the site gets the most traffic. Whenever I want to get more activity to my page I just write explanations to a few questions after work. If I do this I can basically guarantee that I will have a few dozen new page views and a few messages by the next morning (your numbers may vary, I live in NYC and the community here is really active).
Don't feel down. If you aren't actively engaging with the site then no one is even seeing your profile. It is objectively wrong to view this as a sign of rejection.
electricshake
Member
My flatmate just set up his OKC profile. I was his top match.
It's also hard for people unfamiliar with anxiety issues to understand how it affects behavior and especially how it affects dating. Things like not talking on the phone get misinterpreted as lack of interest when someone might be uncomfortable on the phone.
It's why I didn't really even try to date before getting help. Things aren't perfect but I feel I'm way more equipped to handle things now (I hope).
Perspicacity
Banned
This sounds like a lazy romantic comedy plot device.
I have social anxiety too! I try to talk on the phone and if possible skype before meeting someone though because it makes it less awkward meeting someone in person for me.
Most of the time I just say whatever the hell comes to mind on the phone and I usually get told I'm funny.
9 times out of 10 I get told I have a nice voice though so that always helps boost me up.
Red_taiyaki
Member
Ditto. The odd thing about me is that I can talk to people easily in a controlled setting, as in when I have to give any sort of interview for my press work. Going up and cold approaching people to pull new contacts? A bit hesitate, but I get through it. Call/email them for work? No problem.
Now dating....my brain goes into super overanalyzation mode. Never had this problem in college, but I believe that I can cope with it more now than when I graduated and developed social anxiety. Or at least I'm hoping I can...I'll certainly find out again soon!
In a somewhat related note, my brother who was the biggest player I knew moved back home and developed social anxiety too. IDK wth it is about moving back home after college/being away, but I think it does something to our psyche.
NobleGundam
Banned
- Status
Similar threads
- Locked