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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!
- Thread starter AlimNassor
- Start date
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Deadly Cyclone
Pride of Iowa State
The girl I'm seeing now is half Pakistani/half Filipino. I'm 100% white. Screw the race thing. If she's awesome, she's awesome.
WascallyWabbit
Member
Agreed on the race thing. So stupid. Doesn't help that I live in Texas
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
A couple nights ago I talked to a woman on the site for two hours. I hadn't felt that comfortable talking to a woman since my last girlfriend. Unfortunately, I'm fairly certain I'm going to impede it going forward from mentally putting the carriage before the horse.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Nice! Your username used to be Max RPG right?
This is bull. I am most definitely not racist, but I can honestly say that I am not attracted to certain racists. I'm not lying to myself. Just preferences.
Nope! Though the name sounds familiar.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Yep, that's my first impression of those messages, too.
Dude's asking a lot of boring questions just to force conversation rather than just naturally making a comment/question and seeing where it goes. It's cool that it's worked out twice so far, but I think it shows your hand by making you seem too into them.
Definitely fair points, but in my experience it at least makes it easier for them to reply. It may however be just a short answer, but at least it's something, and you can try to build off of that.
Red_taiyaki
Member
Anyone get a chance to read this article from the NY Times yet? It has tons of cultural relevancy on why dating now is so.....awkward.
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/13/fashion/the-end-of-courtship.html?pagewanted=all
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/13/fashion/the-end-of-courtship.html?pagewanted=all
starchild excalibur
Member
Devolution
Member
It's been posted more than a couple times. I frankly find this kind of article to be some autofellatio about how someone grew up. They said courtship was over when dudes didn't have to come to women's doors and ask their father to take them out for a stroll. Times have changed but there is still a courtship there, it's just evolved with the times. People can still find a person that generally fits their criteria and personality better than any other time if they look hard enough. Online avenues open up a vast array of people to talk to and meet. And just because a lot of people fuck before things get serious doesn't mean that courtship can't follow.
tldr; I hate articles that act like because stuff has changed we're all jezebels and romance is dead.
My exact impression as well. Even if I was kind of attracted to someone from their profile, if they sent me a message like that it would be a red flag and I probably wouldn't reply.
I understand that but it's slightly frustrating. As a Hispanic in Texas I can pretty much guarantee that the only responses I'll get are from Hispanic women, kind of cuts the options in half for me.
I definitely understand that. I was only referring to the part where he said that people are "denying their attraction" of other races.
There is a difference between preferences and attraction.
I prefer white girls over Asians because Asians remind me too much of my weeaboo fase in HS. Doesn't mean I don't feel attracted to them.
What it means is that getting me to approach an Asian girl will take a higher amount of sexual attraction than a white girl.
Devolution
Member
There's a difference between preferences and racism for sure. But people are pretty much bought and sold an aesthetic. It's not really their fault but media has definitely shaped a lot of personal preferences.
Semantics. I am not attracted to certain races because they have whatever physical qualities that I do not prefer. Now do I think every single woman of that race is ugly? No. But I don't have to be attracted to beautiful women. I can appreciate that they are nice but feel no attraction to them.
Devolution
Member
I understand because I only find a particular niche of asian men hot. =/ Sorry Ash. Certain features just do it for you.
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
I have no problem with anyone who prefers to date within their own race. I personally prefer caucasian girls myself (though my one and only gf was actually hispanic) brunettes speicifically. However, her comment after that "everyone should stay in their own race" screams of ignorance and bigotry. There's some serious nutjobs on OKC.Oh look a new girl, wow she's pretty cute
Not much info yet though let's see about the....
Christ, south strikes again.
Devolution
Member
It's definitely some bigoted ass shit. It's especially insulting to people of mixed heritage. What are they to her then?
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
It's not healthy to wait for someone to come online to chat instead of going to bed. It's also not healthy to message them asking when they'll be able to chat.
I need a break from this site.
I need a break from this site.
WascallyWabbit
Member
It seems everyone on that site has visited at least a dozen countries. Except me, of course
lol you'd think they'd be less racist, in that case
Online dating websites are really starting to piss me off, 2 months and not a single girl from my city bothered to reply to my messages. I tried every kind of messages i can think of, and nothing works. Such a waste of time.
...Yet, here i continue going to them everyday, hoping that this one unique and nice girl will show up eventually and actually be interested in talking to me.
Who knows... maybe she will show up before winter is over if i'm lucky. =/
...Yet, here i continue going to them everyday, hoping that this one unique and nice girl will show up eventually and actually be interested in talking to me.
Who knows... maybe she will show up before winter is over if i'm lucky. =/
JimtotheHum
Member
Just had a date tonight where the girl just came out and said, " I don't think we have any chemistry" midway through. She was right, but man, its still brutal. Ugh. Someone get me out of this dating hell!
Devolution
Member
Where do you live?
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
Yeah this. Sucks I know the feeling but I don't think I ever wrote any messages to any girl.
NobleGundam
Banned
You've invested and raised your expectations on OKC too high.
Try mixing things up abit by trying other dating sites. Talking with female friends. Etc.
Build more confidence and be hopeful that all your investment will pay off that you'll someday meet that nice & unique girl.
---
Also ask for helpful suggestions from a fellow bro (or female friend) to look indirectly when messaging these chicks to acquire their attention for a response.
So so far I've had roughly 5 conversations with different girls off OkCupid. Got the number of one and we were talking, but I made a joke that she did not think was funny and that ended.
It sucks too, Ive had two really amazing conversations with girls that just stopped one night and they never messaged back.
Thankfully, I have changed up my intro message from "hey what's up?" To something related to their profile, worse comes to worse, I at least get a profile view out of it.
I know everyone on here has said it takes time and it does, I guess if I was not so damn shy in real life I would be in a better position,oh well. I'll keep looking and trying, just stay positive.
It sucks too, Ive had two really amazing conversations with girls that just stopped one night and they never messaged back.
Thankfully, I have changed up my intro message from "hey what's up?" To something related to their profile, worse comes to worse, I at least get a profile view out of it.
I know everyone on here has said it takes time and it does, I guess if I was not so damn shy in real life I would be in a better position,oh well. I'll keep looking and trying, just stay positive.
Got a tentative meeting (not ready to use the word date) on Friday. Messaged on the site for a week and texted sporadically everyday for two weeks. For my first message, I saw that she liked a band that I also liked, and I just asked "*fan favorite album#1* or *fan favorite album#2." So sometimes, simple messages work. It's kind of like the Sushi or Pizza line, but a bit more personalized. Look at me giving advice here, let's see me talk after this weekend.
In Quebec, in a city that doesn't even have a million of people. It's not Montreal. OKC doesn't have enough people living there(less than 10 between the age of 24-32 in a 50 miles radius), so i have to use other more regional dating websites to have more chances. At least i get over 250+ results. But it's still not enough to get girls to even reply to my messages.
I dunno, either girls in my town are very picky in their choices or i'm doing something wrong. Sure, I don't look like a Hollywood star, i'm the slim body type, and i don't write in my profile that i love sports or drink wine like 75% the girls does... but is that really all there is? Are girls just looking for the sexiest sportive guys available that they can drink wine and go skiing with every week and ignore everyone else? Because that's just how it feels like honestly after god knows how many girls i've sent a message with 0 replies.
I'm not going to give up, but it sure is frustrating after a few months.
Devolution
Member
Well what is a typical opener for you?
johnny_park
Member
I want to give up with this. I have no problem getting responses or dates for that matter. In fact I probably went on over 10 dates this past month and I have a couple more lined up for this week. I haven't clicked with anyone. Either I like them and they don't like me or vice versa. I would rather have quality over quantity. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
Welp I think I'm doing a stand up job with the two girls I'm texting now. Both text me each day even if I'm not initiating texting conversations for the day. I get replies damn near instantly from either, and both keep telling me I'm funny, sweet, handsome, etc.
Really excited for my date with girl 1 who did bail last Sunday. If she bails again like I've said, then I bail. Girl 2 is equally amazing, and I just feel I may be slightly fucking up chances with her if I don't ask her out soon too. I only get Sundays and Mondays off from work, and I don't want to make plans for this Monday with girl 2 and have to bail if girl 1 date goes kick ass, because I'd rather just put efforts into girl 1 only.
Do you guys think there is a time line on asking a girl out like I do?
Really excited for my date with girl 1 who did bail last Sunday. If she bails again like I've said, then I bail. Girl 2 is equally amazing, and I just feel I may be slightly fucking up chances with her if I don't ask her out soon too. I only get Sundays and Mondays off from work, and I don't want to make plans for this Monday with girl 2 and have to bail if girl 1 date goes kick ass, because I'd rather just put efforts into girl 1 only.
Do you guys think there is a time line on asking a girl out like I do?
The_Inquisitor
Member
Have a date with a second girl tomorrow. And a date with a third girl Sunday.
Been talking to second girl all day. Holy shit I haven't felt this connected to a girl in a long time. We'll see how it goes tomorrow.
Been talking to second girl all day. Holy shit I haven't felt this connected to a girl in a long time. We'll see how it goes tomorrow.
NobleGundam
Banned
Depending what's evident on their profile, questions, details, and photos.
Ask a simple question about them only in starting out your message.
Ext. Noticed you like_____. Let's say "Anime".
After getting a positive response, maybe reply with something, "I like seeing/doing Cosplay(s), but I don't got the legs for it."
- Common Interest
- Make her laugh
- Get her number
- Converse
- Setup a date
- $
?! <3 >.<JimtotheHum
Member
I'm in the same boat. Don't have any advice for ya, just good luck!
I wish there was a way you could remove the people from your match feed who you've message, but who pretty obviously aren't going to respond back. They're clogging my match feed. There have been times where pretty much all the way down to the first refresh point on my match list, is just people I've already messaged.
Mecha_Infantry
Banned
Why don't you just hide them then
element
Member
Tom_Cody, there are some very specific words in your posts that change the dynamic of someone's experience with OkCupid.
What would you consider a good response rate? 50%? 25%? 10%? 5%? I'd say majority of men using the site get a response 1 out of 10 times, if not lower. From my experience and discussion with people it has little to do with content of the message which is sad since there are real people attempting to connect with people and find relationships on the site.
Also another thing that caught my attention.
Also from the messages you posted, you are in NYC. I'd say it is a much different experience using a system like OkCupid in a city with 22 million people in the metro area. Adding the state I live in plus the bordering two states and providence is still 7 million short of that. From a pure numbers game, there are more single women in NYC posting on OkCupid then all of the single females living in Canada.
IMO, if I'm taking the time to write something with though, I'd appreciate some common courtesy back. If that is too much to ask from someone to take a minute out of their day to reply back to me, it is pointless IMO. But I'm someone that likes conclusions.
Sadly Shotgun Messaging (cut & paste) leads to signal noise for majority of women on the site. This leds to women taking less time to actually read messages from people and making quick judgments based on superficial criteria.
Here is an interesting image of how stacked it is against men. 10 fake profiles. 5 women, 5 men message count after 4 months.
http://www.zdnet.com/blog/violetblue/ten-fake-profiles-one-okcupid-experiment-okcupid-on-trial/1405
What would you consider a good response rate? 50%? 25%? 10%? 5%? I'd say majority of men using the site get a response 1 out of 10 times, if not lower. From my experience and discussion with people it has little to do with content of the message which is sad since there are real people attempting to connect with people and find relationships on the site.
Also another thing that caught my attention.
Majority of men get very little if any mail, so consider yourself in the lucky minority of men that get any mail. I think in the last six months I have received 3 unsolicited mails.
Also from the messages you posted, you are in NYC. I'd say it is a much different experience using a system like OkCupid in a city with 22 million people in the metro area. Adding the state I live in plus the bordering two states and providence is still 7 million short of that. From a pure numbers game, there are more single women in NYC posting on OkCupid then all of the single females living in Canada.
IMO, if I'm taking the time to write something with though, I'd appreciate some common courtesy back. If that is too much to ask from someone to take a minute out of their day to reply back to me, it is pointless IMO. But I'm someone that likes conclusions.
Sadly Shotgun Messaging (cut & paste) leads to signal noise for majority of women on the site. This leds to women taking less time to actually read messages from people and making quick judgments based on superficial criteria.
Here is an interesting image of how stacked it is against men. 10 fake profiles. 5 women, 5 men message count after 4 months.
http://www.zdnet.com/blog/violetblue/ten-fake-profiles-one-okcupid-experiment-okcupid-on-trial/1405
I just went back through the last six months (starting with the beginning of July) and recorded some numbers.
I sent 17 messages and got 11 responses, so that's a 64% response rate. Of those 7 led to first dates (I choose not to continue in 2 cases and the girl chose not to continue in 2 cases) for a date rate of 41% of the girls I message.
I want to preface this by saying I as well believe that my numbers are thanks to living in NYC and not thanks to my irresistible charm (or something).
I got 6 messages in the last 7 days and this represents an inactive period for me (I have been dating one girl for the past few weeks). As I detailed in this post, my numbers fluctuate greatly if I put a little work into them. In a week of active use on the site I can get as many as ~20 messages.
This has been an interesting discussion. You have convinced me that my experience on the site is greatly different from most people since I live in NYC. I had known that we have an active community but I had no sense of the disparity.
In the future I will keep this in mind and temper the tone of my responses when trying to give advice.
I usually just tell them that they look interesting, talk a little about our common interests, if i see they like to travel for example, i ask them where they went to recently and give them my own example, i try to make a funny comment if their profile have something... nothing very complicated. I show them that i am interested in wanting to know more about each other, but the feeling is never mutual it seems.
I usually avoid talking about their appearance in my first message, figured that women already get hundreds of messages that way anyway.
Future PhaZe
Member
element said:
lol you have to have a thick skin when it comes to not getting responses
Fuck I've paid for dinner, know for a fact that a girl had a great time and not even get a response to my text afterwards and never saw them again, and that's after I paid for dinner.
And I know they liked me, probably in a friendzone way, but damn son. Give somebody a pity text or a friendzone text or something...fucked up.
That's the game though.
Yo damn.
fuck this shit im out
:lol
Deadly Cyclone
Pride of Iowa State
That NYT article is interesting. I don't agree with it 100% though, I think they take it to the extreme that everyone is only doing the million texts and hangout thing. For me it's a mix of both the old and the new. Meeting people online gives you a much better shot at finding someone with similar interests and from there you can move to the "dinner and a movie" the NYT seems to think has disappeared.
The whole idea of the first date being coffee or a drink makes sense (and is not a bad thing) though because it brings an air of casualness to the meeting. You can meet and see if you actually have stuff in common without the full dinner commitment. If you find you do have a lot to talk about, then you can step into the more traditional dating routine.
The whole idea of the first date being coffee or a drink makes sense (and is not a bad thing) though because it brings an air of casualness to the meeting. You can meet and see if you actually have stuff in common without the full dinner commitment. If you find you do have a lot to talk about, then you can step into the more traditional dating routine.
Future PhaZe
Member
So in response to this article I talked to my co-worker who I know was on a website before.
I showed her that pic and she said "that's hilarious."
I then asked her how many messages she got a day. Her response:
" It wasn't too bad, about 18-20 messages a day"
...
...
*deletes profile*
I showed her that pic and she said "that's hilarious."
I then asked her how many messages she got a day. Her response:
" It wasn't too bad, about 18-20 messages a day"
...
...
*deletes profile*
WascallyWabbit
Member
damn, we lost Dark Faze. Good luck to you out there in the real world, bud
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