A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Maybe he did that intentionally to tell you something.
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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!
- Thread starter AlimNassor
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Maddocks
Member
age is just a number. I limit my matches because I find most 21-23 years olds still in their discovering stage and I get along better with 29-35 year olds because they know what they want emotionally(sometimes) so its easy to connect with them more.
Devolution
Member
I've had about a 4 years diff with two bfs now. It's not that strange. That makes you what, 26/27? A lot of women your age are already settling down and want babies.
Deadly Cyclone
Pride of Iowa State
So date #2 is now done. Went well overall. We had dinner at a nice place, I surprised her and paid. We talked a lot and never had uncomfortable silence. Joked a bit.
End of the night I suggested hanging out Friday and she suggested a movie at my place (one we had talked about during dinner that we wanted to watch).
She hugged me and started backing away and I asked if I could kiss her goodnight, she gave me the cheek. She seems interested in me so I'd guess maybe she's slow playing a bit. I'm not great at reading signs. With another date (#3) set up already it seems like she has some interest in me at least.
Also I mentioned on Facebook when I got home that I had a "great dinner at The Cafe" and tagged her, she immediately liked it and commented.
I assume she's just a slow play kind of girl?
End of the night I suggested hanging out Friday and she suggested a movie at my place (one we had talked about during dinner that we wanted to watch).
She hugged me and started backing away and I asked if I could kiss her goodnight, she gave me the cheek. She seems interested in me so I'd guess maybe she's slow playing a bit. I'm not great at reading signs. With another date (#3) set up already it seems like she has some interest in me at least.
Also I mentioned on Facebook when I got home that I had a "great dinner at The Cafe" and tagged her, she immediately liked it and commented.
I assume she's just a slow play kind of girl?
peteykirch
Member
Is it bad that I go and read their answers to the sex related questions, i.e do they kiss on the first date, when they feel sex should enter the relationship, and then I gauge my experiences to how they answered?
Devolution
Member
Some people just aren't that sexually attracted to folks right away. If you don't at least get some making out after a couple weeks consider that the sparks just aren't there.
Deadly Cyclone
Pride of Iowa State
It hasn't even been a week so I am for sure willing to play it out. 3 dates in less than a week has to be a good thing. I guess we'll find out.
I would suggest next time just going for the kiss. Ive had several dates off okc recently and each girl ive actually liked I kissed after the date. Just go for it. From my experience girls like when a guy makes those moves. She could be moving slow, or she just wants you to put yourself out there.
Devolution
Member
Yeah.
Could be this too, I have to remember I'm more forward than some women. =/.
The movie is at your place. This is your chance. You need to set the mood right. Ideally cooking her a nice meal accompanied by drinks.
Bottom line: If you don't end up in bed together, she's either a prude, religiously compromised, or just not that into you.
There's a million ways you could screw this up. Just take it slow and let her know non-verbally that you're down to fuck.
Deadly Cyclone
Pride of Iowa State
No pressure there! She's bringing the wine.
I can't get a read on her though, I don't want to make a big move if she's slow playing. I mean, it's not even a week yet.
I can't get a read on her though, I don't want to make a big move if she's slow playing. I mean, it's not even a week yet.
That's a good sign. Sounds to me like she's a cat in heat. Just waiting to be pounced on.
In addition to what I already mentioned; clean your place up nice, dress well (a bit of cologne is ideal) and sit close to her during the movie. Keep the lights dimmed and when the time is right - make your move.
Before you know it you will have her panties off. Possibly stuffing her like a thanksgiving turkey.
Unless of course she's in fact the preachers daughter who's just lonely and has no desire for sex / making love
False Witness
Member
I definitely prefer extremely forward women. I mean, all of my girlfriends have pretty much taken complete control of the relationship, starting by asking me out themselves. Unfortunately, I'm an extremely distant person so I usually end up drifting away from people. I manage not to piss anyone off in the process, but I never realize how good I had it until they eventually find someone else. I could have been taken back by several different ladies, but I never even tried, even after being told how much I was missed.
In this thread, I said that physical distance is what kept me from seeing those girls from Date My School after the first date, but I don't think that is the real reason. I don't think I'm afraid of commitment, but I really don't know what else it could be. I guess I just feel like a leech. I get something out of these relationships, but I feel bad because I don't really provide anything to them.
In this thread, I said that physical distance is what kept me from seeing those girls from Date My School after the first date, but I don't think that is the real reason. I don't think I'm afraid of commitment, but I really don't know what else it could be. I guess I just feel like a leech. I get something out of these relationships, but I feel bad because I don't really provide anything to them.
Deadly Cyclone
Pride of Iowa State
It'll go how it goes. She's extremely cool and I do like her quite a bit. I've been out of the game for years, so I'm willing to go with the flow.
Have you considered talking to a therapist? Sounds to me like it may be a bit deeper than just being "distance" with people.
I've said this before, but you can't truly love someone else until you're comfortable with who you are as a person.
The_Inquisitor
Member
First date was a great success. Talked 2 hours over dinner and she said she'd like to do this again some time. Didn't make a commitment yet. I'll probably text her tomorrow afternoon.
Buckethead
Banned
D: Man what was sorta rough with my recent attempt was that the little time we were dating, we both had cold sores. First her, than me. >_< I joked during our 5th/final date that it was super sad that I still haven't kissed her yet haha.
I deleted my profile a couple weeks back... this was after getting a bunch of messages back from a bunch of ladies and talking to them... then I just deleted it. I don't know why! Something is WRONG with me. Hahaha. I guess I'll recreate it tonight. What say you, GAF?
element
Member
I don't think so. Perhaps as I said it is an age thing. If I'm going to take the time to write something with substance, I'd hope that someone would take the time write me back. It just leads to more phishing messages.
Shotgun Method. Why OkCupid is broken.
1. Guy joins OKCupid for all the right reasons.
2. Guy reads various profiles and finds girl(s) he is interested in. (more than just derp cute, message)
3. No one responds.
4. Guy increases search. Sends messages.
5. No one responds.
6. Feeling rejected guy starts sending out cut & paste mails to larger group in hopes of hearing from someone.
7. Girls get spammed with useless crap and don't actually read mails with substance.
Depends who you are. I personally reply out of common courtesy. Oh and what Element said, why should someone invest a minute or two of their time writing well-written messages if all a girl is going to do is not even going to take the time out if their day to say not interested. You might as well have a template and/or co9y and paste and increase your chances.
Goddamn I don't know how to make a move! Had 3 dates with this girl and I just feel too shy to initiate any real contact. Gonna see her for a quick lunch tomorrow and just talk it out with her. Or at least try. I can't stand this stage in dating.
My previous ex we talked way too much about this stuff, and actually had it all planned out. The one before that we started out messing around on the phone and then got high together at her place...so that was easy. Don't know how to handle this one.
My previous ex we talked way too much about this stuff, and actually had it all planned out. The one before that we started out messing around on the phone and then got high together at her place...so that was easy. Don't know how to handle this one.
Spunky Monkey
Member
Well not only do i get ignored on OKC but it turns out here too. Sigh, guess its just what i write then.
electricshake
Member
Haha no definitely not.
I haven't checked out your profile. But there seems to be nothing wrong with your messages. Only thing I can suggest is maybe have a few snippets from those most interesting man in the world series of vids. It might make you seem witty that's what a lot of girls say to me.
Mecha_Infantry
Banned
UK (londoners, ok basically Bleepy!) OKC'ers
Is it me or are most of the (white) girls on there just hippies?!
They all seem to just be at gigs, festivals, travelling for months on end or as 3 profiles said today "really clumsy"..
Fuck..
And another thing Bleepy, since when was Brixton & Hackney cool hipster places to live in?! All these girls seem to live/party there. Wtf is going on???
Is it me or are most of the (white) girls on there just hippies?!
They all seem to just be at gigs, festivals, travelling for months on end or as 3 profiles said today "really clumsy"..
Fuck..
And another thing Bleepy, since when was Brixton & Hackney cool hipster places to live in?! All these girls seem to live/party there. Wtf is going on???
A lot are hipsters and/or vegetarians/pescetarians. I see a lot of hipster chicks in London and they can either be the modern day hipsters or the vintage burlesque 1940s ration book sorts. Often times they fluctuate between all these modes of dress. One of my friends who is hipster to the point of parody and is well aware of it as he recommends me music with genre's like California Chill wave says hipsters congregate in areas like Hackney and Braxton purely cos the there's cheap. There is a straight line of hipster spots. From Hackney (Clapton-ish area) to stoke Newington to Dalston to Shoreditch to Brick lane. Camden is apparently too main stream. Also if you are a black hipster guy you can apparently be swimming in hipster chicks. There's a club in Dalston next to the Nando's that plays mainstream hip hop that is populated with tonnes of hipsters that's free to get in. I didn't think hipsters would listen to mainstream hip hop but you learn something new every day.
Spunky Monkey
Member
Cheers, well hopefully theres something wrong with my profile or picture i can fix. Just so frustrating people on these sites doing seem to want to give anyone a chance. I used to have great success messaging girls on myspace and the like but now on sites like Okcupid im getting nothing back.
ElectricBlue187
Member
Oh look a new girl, wow she's pretty cute
Not much info yet though let's see about the....
Christ, south strikes again.
Not much info yet though let's see about the....
Christ, south strikes again.
Discotheque
Banned
I love white girls tho 
ElectricBlue187
Member
I love white girls tho
I do too. It's ok to have a preference and I've been ok with some profiles that say "I prefer white guys" but "everybody should stay within their own race" this is fucken 2013.
Devolution
Member
Y'all just need the right fashion.
Try not to take a lack of responses personally. Think to yourself, if you were bombarded with messages everyday, say 30,and 5 of them were 10s hot enough to be in Playboy or something would you give the time of day to a lot of the girls you message.Online dating is so stacked against men the ugliest of girl can do better than what she could normally.
WascallyWabbit
Member
Ashodin?
I think I should have been less dismissive. In my initial response.
I will respond in 2 ways.
1) It is my observation that simply not responding is the accepted custom if you aren't interested. Again, this is what has been done to me and this is what I have done in dealing with others. In my initial response I was trying to communicate that the behavior you receive is the norm and that you shouldn't view it as a slight or insult. You said that you have "come to the conclusion that a vast majority of the women on OkCupid suck", when I would say they are just falling in line with norm. If they did something different than that it would be unusual (although maybe preferable in your opinion).
2) Should the norm be different than this? I don't think so, but I respect your opinion on the topic. I as well only send very personal messages that I have put a lot of thought into. I am actively trying to get into a relationship so I only message girls if I think we have a lot in common or are otherwise well suited to each other. That has produced very good results for me in general, but it definitely amplifies the disappointment if a girl doesn't respond. I don't think that disappointment would go away if I got some type of token response back though. Especially not if they were to answer honestly...
This culture has not lead me to "phish" (or whatever). IMO sending deliberate thoughtful messages is still the way to go if you are trying to establish a meaningful connection with someone. This will only make you stand out from the people who send crap "Ur h0t" messages.
If you want to reply to girls to let them down softly, that is fine. That is your decision. I personally don't do that I and I feel perfectly comfortable with my stance on not doing that.
To respond to the bold, you should invest your time in crafting messages to girls because they are individual human beings and not random fleshbots. I spend much more than "a minute or two" crafting the messages I send out. I will read through a girl's profile, pictures, and match questions (mostly the explanations) and craft a message based on things that we have in common or otherwise appeal to me about their profile. IMO this should be the starting point of any online dating interaction (well, casual encounters aside). You know what, this makes it suck more if a girl doesn't respond but IMO this is by far the best way to introduce yourself to someone online. And again, this has generally worked very well for me.
That's a good way to put it. I usually say that I am looking for someone that, regardless of age, is more or less fully formed as a person.
I just turned 30 and I generally draw the line at 24. The weird thing about online dating is it introduces the element of being messaged by another person that you wouldn't otherwise message yourself. Every time I get messaged by an otherwise appealing girl who is below my normal age range I am forced to reaccess this. I preemptively canceled a date with a 20 year old about 2 months ago because I felt she was probably too immature for me (there were other factors but that was the primary one).
I have found that clever messages rather than long, drawn out ones do better. I can try to crack a joke about something, ask an interesting question, say something relevant about myself. That said a lot of girls put minimal effort on their profile and at times I think why bother if they can't be. As for not being random fleshbots, 90% of girls see me as nothing more than binary code not worth the time to respond to which is fair enough, if I was in their position would I be the same? I hope not. That said I tailor my messages to their profile, long drawn out first messages are rarely worth it. I had a mock British parliament style debate with 400+ words back and forth about whether giraffes should have dentists with a girl I wrote a 1 sentence message enquiring why the word lol pissed her off so much.
Spunky Monkey
Member
Yeah its quite tough dealing with that. I think i get wound up because every profile says 'I want to make new friends, message me if you want to talk'. Yet talking requires a reply. So far i have sent 100 messages out over the course of 2 weeks, this is the first reply.
I actually got my first reply today heres the message. If i didn't laugh i'd cry.
(She mentions loving Buffy on her profile)
ME: Im re-watching buffy at the mo. Whats your favourite series? For me i really like Series 5, i know it gets a bad rap for moaning Dawn but i love the ending to it.
Her: Not sure which is my favourite series to me they all have their plus an negitive points
Ergh, theres no try of a conversation and im unsure if she even finished her sentence because there isn't a full stop. Of course im joking but it really isn't that hard to carry on a conversation at least initially. Oh well lets carry on and hope i can do better than that.
Deadly Cyclone
Pride of Iowa State
Funny thing, she is a Preacher's daughter. She's not uptight or anything from what I can tell. Likes to drink, go out, etc.
We'll see how it goes.
Ask her about season highlights, maybe mention how characters progressed and how Wikipedia and tattooed allowed you to gain so much trivia about Buffy but lose so many hours of your life.
I didn't see the issue until I actually read her comment. :-(
I guess some amount of balance is necessary with regards to the issue of message length.
My intention was to broadly defend sending personalized messages instead of going the volume route. It seems like what you do is similar to what I do in that regard. I have frequently been commended by girls on the site for sending thoughtful messages. As far as I'm concerned I am doing it right.
To anyone who is interested, here are 3 starter messages that I sent out in the last two months:
Two resulted in extended messaging followed by dates and one did not receive any sort of response.
I was going to post a something similar but Tom_Cody and Bleepey said it perfectly. It's all about volume. As guys, we don't feel troubled writing a rejection email because it only takes a few minutes out of our day. For women, take those few minutes and times it by 100... plus their messages most likely will get another reply back that is not as nice.
Spunky Monkey, I don't know what your other messages are like, but one suggestion is that you are talking too much about one specific thing that she may not care about when your first message should be something a little more general. Save those type of questions for when she gets a better feel for you. Remember, she knows NOTHING about you. Do you want her first impression of you to be that you geek out on buffy? The questions doesn't have to be boring. A simple but interesting question could be "Sushi or Pizza?" which has worked pretty well according to people here.
When people say they love something, it doesn't always mean that they know everything about that thing. I love the TV show, How I met your Mother, but I don't really know what happens in every season except for the fact that I think Barney is an awesome character and that I hate Ted.
Try a question that is less specific. Believe it or not, what worked for me more was a simple, "Hi, I'm Sarye!"
I guess some amount of balance is necessary with regards to the issue of message length.
My intention was to broadly defend sending personalized messages instead of going the volume route. It seems like what you do is similar to what I do in that regard. I have frequently been commended by girls on the site for sending thoughtful messages. As far as I'm concerned I am doing it right.
To anyone who is interested, here are 3 starter messages that I sent out in the last two months:
Two resulted in extended messaging followed by dates and one did not receive any sort of response.
The thing about yours is I fear doing messages like that seem like I am trying to throw as much shit as I can find to see what sticks. Not to say that I don't comment on several interesting parts to a girl's profile but I worry that's how it may come across.
Oh look a new girl, wow she's pretty cute
Not much info yet though let's see about the....
Christ, south strikes again.
I don't see the problem with the cigarette and pot but yeah on the racial thing.
If your not physically attracted to a certain race sure I guess but I've heard people say I'm not racist but races shouldn't mix which is always a fun thing to hear. That's racist, go fuck yourself. So if I have a mixed kid would you not like him because hes the offspring of two different races?
I'm white and both of my serious relationships have been with black women. I don't have a preference specifically for black women though and I always say I'm attracted to beautiful women period. I'd date someone who was blue if I liked her.
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