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[Red_taiyaki]

The whole idea of the first date being coffee or a drink makes sense (and is not a bad thing) though because it brings an air of casualness to the meeting. You can meet and see if you actually have stuff in common without the full dinner commitment. If you find you do have a lot to talk about, then you can step into the more traditional dating routine.

This is my commonly most used tactic when it comes to dating. Coffee first, then if there's something I like about them then I'll usually decide whether or not they're worth pursuing after a few days of mulling it over for a bit.

Learned to do this after three dates and spending a good chunk of change on a girl I was only meh-meh about last year.

 

[Deadly Cyclone]

This is my commonly most used tactic when it comes to dating. Coffee first, then if there's something I like about them then I'll usually decide whether or not they're worth pursuing after a few days of mulling it over for a bit.

Learned to do this after three dates and spending a good chunk of change on a girl I was only meh-meh about last year.

I feel like it makes me (and her) less nervous too because it's a casual first meeting. I was much more nervous for date #2 I had two nights ago when I took her to a nice place for dinner.

 

[Perspicacity]

We're doing stats now? Over the span of ~4.5 months I have sent out 61 messages and have had a response rate around 60%. I have received only 7 unsolicited messages and only four dates. It should be noted that I don't just message people I plan on dating, just sort of anyone I find a little interesting or worth talking to and I lose interest while messaging about as often as they do.

I can't check my POF numbers, but I was only on there for a couple of months. I had a much lower response rate and went on three dates. Actually now that I think about it, it always took much less effort to get a date on POF once I got a response but the lower response rate was discouraging and overall I think OKC had better ladies

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

IMO, if I'm taking the time to write something with though, I'd appreciate some common courtesy back. If that is too much to ask from someone to take a minute out of their day to reply back to me, it is pointless IMO. But I'm someone that likes conclusions.

This is ignorant of how vile men can be to women when they are rejected. Male aggression is a typical response to a bruised ego. It's best to not interact at all rather than potentially give some guy the idea that he has a dialog going with you, even if it's nothing.

A woman not replying to you is saying no. It could be for many different reasons, but the result is the same. Accept it. There's your conclusion.

 

[A Human Becoming]

http://www.zdnet.com/blog/violetblue/ten-fake-profiles-one-okcupid-experiment-okcupid-on-trial/1405

I knew there was a difference, but the disparity is HUGE! I'm out.

 

[Perspicacity]

IMO, if I'm taking the time to write something with though, I'd appreciate some common courtesy back. If that is too much to ask from someone to take a minute out of their day to reply back to me, it is pointless IMO. But I'm someone that likes conclusions.

This is ignorant of how vile men can be to women when they are rejected. Male aggression is a typical response to a bruised ego. It's best to not interact at all rather than potentially give some guy the idea that he has a dialog going with you, even if it's nothing.

A woman not replying to you is saying no. It could be for many different reasons, but the result is the same. Accept it. There's your conclusion.

The other thing is just because you claim to have put "thought" into your message doesn't mean it's a good message. From the article you posted:

While I'd just as much like to know how women messaged the "attractive" men, seeing what happened in the most extreme area of competition is just as interesting.

After reading several hundred [messages] in the women’s inboxes, most men compliment the attractive women a lot, they make reference to something in the woman’s profile (you would not believe how many times men mentioned the party tricks and ‘Arrow’ the cheetah from the generic profile I wrote), or they ask a general question about travel or something equally boring.

Based on reading hundreds of eager messages, Millward concluded that a successful message should:

• Demonstrate creativity, intelligence and great sense of humour
• Be totally different to anything she may have received before
• Be obviously unique and not a cut-and-paste job
• Show that I’ve read her profile and absorbed facts about her
• Not be needy!

Chances are that if you noticed something interesting on her profile, so did another dozen dudes who put the same level of "thought" into their messages as you did. Don't be afraid to be a little bold.

 

[Deadly Cyclone]

Hmm, movie at my place date (#3) turned into going to see a movie (that we'd talked about). Still getting weird vibes from this one, she's either slow playing or not entirely on board with the dating thing. I'll see where it goes.

 

[Red_taiyaki]

We're doing stats now? Over the span of ~4.5 months I have sent out 61 messages and have had a response rate around 60%. I have received only 7 unsolicited messages and only four dates. It should be noted that I don't just message people I plan on dating, just sort of anyone I find a little interesting or worth talking to and I lose interest while messaging about as often as they do.

I can't check my POF numbers, but I was only on there for a couple of months. I had a much lower response rate and went on three dates. Actually now that I think about it, it always took much less effort to get a date on POF once I got a response but the lower response rate was discouraging and overall I think OKC had better ladies

I suck with POF. If we are posting stats though, within the span of six months (with a 1.5 month break) I've landed four dates after sending out about 45 messages with a response rate of between 40-45%. I've received two unsolicited messages.

Just like the quoted Gafer, I do lose interest after a while and stop messaging a girl. Particularly once we move from several sentences into short form essay territory. Yaaaaaaaah...

Hmm, movie at my place date (#3) turned into going to see a movie (that we'd talked about). Still getting weird vibes from this one, she's either slow playing or not entirely on board with the dating thing. I'll see where it goes.

Same thing happened to a girl I went on three dates with last August. Turned out she was an uber introvert, which is something I wasn't looking for. G/l my friend!

 

[Deadly Cyclone]

Same thing happened to a girl I went on three dates with last August. Turned out she was an uber introvert, which is something I wasn't looking for. G/l my friend!

See that's not the case here though. She'll just about talk to anyone, she's great at holding conversation, she likes to go out, but I really can't get any kind of read on whether she wants a relationship out of this or not. I'm really hoping she does, but she definitely tucks away her emotions on those kinds of things. She's cool though.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

I got 1-3 messages or favorites (back when those would notify you) a day. Never had to send a first message.

The quality of your main picture and having a legitimately funny profile are key. When people scroll down their matches or view their quiver, they should see the best picture of you that you have, and the random paragraph from your profile should make them laugh.

What makes you better than the other hundreds/thousands of dudes in your city? If you don't believe that for yourself, no one else will believe it either.

 

[Perspicacity]

I got 1-3 messages or favorites (back when those would notify you) a day. Never had to send a first message.

The quality of your main picture and having a legitimately funny profile are key. What makes you better than the other hundreds/thousands of dudes in your city? If you don't believe that for yourself, no one else will believe it either.

I don't recall if I've ever seen your profile, care to post?

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

I don't recall if I've ever seen your profile, care to post?

I've been dating my top match for 9 months now.

There are simple ways to be cocky and funny, which generally works. I put "petting your dog" under things I'm good at, "reading my diary" in response to a question about what not to do during a first date, listing out exactly what I want in a woman but coming across as assured rather than creepy or picky, etc. I also linked to my Tumblr which exposed my style of humor.

I really feel the people that don't have success on the site just don't have self-awareness of how they come across. We see it all the time in this thread where people say they have no success and post a profile where they're pretty hot but their profile is dreadful. All it would take to get some interest would be a decent profile rewrite.

 

[crush7337]

Had a really awkward/good end to my date the other night. It was the 2nd time we saw each other and did dinner. The only problem was we sat at a booth so it wasn't really easy for me to do any light touching without reaching across the table. The conversation was good though and we were both laughing at each others stories.

Now as I'm walking her back to her car, we give each other a goodbye hug. I pull away during the hug and attempt to kiss her only to have her turn her head and say, "What are you doing?" We sort of stood there awkwardly and say goodbye again. As I'm walking away from her car she comes up behind and turns me around and kisses me. She ends up calling me about 5 minutes after we left saying she's really sorry, she misread my signs and didn't think I was going to kiss her, and said she'd like to see me again.

The other problem now is I ended up sleeping with the other girl I'm dating. It's only been 4 dates for her and 2 for the other so I'm not ready to commit to anything yet, but I'd just feel weird continuing to date the other girl knowing I'm having sex with someone else. I like both though. The one I've slept with is kind of chubby, but has big boobs, great eyes/face, and an awesome personality (also sex is good so far). The other has a better body, also has a good personality and a ton of similar interests. She does talk a lot about her exes and other dates she goes on from OKC and wants me to tell her about mine. She's been seeing someone else for about a month and they've gone on 15 dates and haven't had sex yet. I'm not sure if I could handle that if I went on that many dates without sex.

The 2nd girl definitely wants a relationship though and that's what I want. I can't entirely tell what the first one wants, but we're just enjoying sleeping with each other for now. I figure best course of action is to keep going with girl 1 and see if anything more than a FWB develops while still seeing girl 2 for now. My mind's been going back and forth on what to do for the past few days.

 

[Maddocks]

my advice is to never turn a fwb relationship into a romantic relationship. But boobs, so I know id be blinded by them.

 

[crush7337]

my advice is to never turn a fwb relationship into a romantic relationship. But boobs, so I know id be blinded by them.

Well to be honest its more than a FWB right now. It's just neither of us want to rush into anything serious so we're just enjoying each other right now. We told each other if it did get serious we'd be okay with a relationship if it got to that point.

We still go out and kiss each other at various points over the past 2 dates. So its more towards just casually dating her right now than a FWB. Depending on how we take it could turn into either a FWB or a relationship.

 

[RayStorm]

I really feel the people that don't have success on the site just don't have self-awareness of how they come across.

You know what's even worse? Having the deeply ingrained feeling that what you write is not good but being unable to think of something better to write.

 

[bjb]

Now as I'm walking her back to her car, we give each other a goodbye hug. I pull away during the hug and attempt to kiss her only to have her turn her head and say, "What are you doing?" We sort of stood there awkwardly and say goodbye again. As I'm walking away from her car she comes up behind and turns me around and kisses me. She ends up calling me about 5 minutes after we left saying she's really sorry, she misread my signs and didn't think I was going to kiss her, and said she'd like to see me again.

My god that is awkward. Something straight out of The Office. Congrats on the date, though.

 

[Deadly Cyclone]

Damn I'm having such a hard time reading if this girl wants to date me or be my friend. I wish she'd let some hints slide a bit.

(A month ago I'd have killed to be in the position to talk about a girl I'm seeing, firstworldproblems).

 

[WascallyWabbit]

Damn I'm having such a hard time reading if this girl wants to date me or be my friend. I wish she'd let some hints slide a bit.

(A month ago I'd have killed to be in the position to talk about a girl I'm seeing, firstworldproblems).

Eh, there's no use worrying about it now. So long as YOU want her to be more than friends, make it clear. Either by subtle words or actions, and you can gauge her reaction from there

 

[Devolution]

You know what's even worse? Having the deeply ingrained feeling that what you write is not good but being unable to think of something better to write.

You could post your profile or message openers and some of us could help. I've given some profile reviews before for people and straight up told them what to ax or what to add.

 

[Misterhbk]

I feel like it makes me (and her) less nervous too because it's a casual first meeting. I was much more nervous for date #2 I had two nights ago when I took her to a nice place for dinner.

Skype dates. Thats where I start off. Lets me see what the girl really looks like, no longer hidden begins profile pictures, and also lets me know if we have anything to talk about.

Skype has kept me from going on a few bad dates already and reassured me of quite a few as well.

 

[Ashhong]

Is it wrong to suggest that we hang out at her place for a date? Well not even a date since we are together now, but just for something to do. I dont have my own place or else I would obviously invite her over. Something like "can we just stay in and hang out at your place tonight?" We are taking things slow and dont want it to come across as if I am trying to make a move like that.

 

[Maddocks]

Is it wrong to suggest that we hang out at her place for a date? Well not even a date since we are together now, but just for something to do. I dont have my own place or else I would obviously invite her over. Something like "can we just stay in and hang out at your place tonight?" We are taking things slow and dont want it to come across as if I am trying to make a move like that.

don't see why not. I have had a couple dates a girls house and nothing happened other then watching movies. Nothing needs to happen. Just spending time with the person is good.

 

[bjb]

Is it wrong to suggest that we hang out at her place for a date? Well not even a date since we are together now, but just for something to do. I dont have my own place or else I would obviously invite her over. Something like "can we just stay in and hang out at your place tonight?" We are taking things slow and dont want it to come across as if I am trying to make a move like that.

No I wouldn't. Does she know you live at home too? Otherwise, I would just go out somewhere public. Perhaps later in the night you can suggest wanting to still hang out, and hopefully she asks you to come over.

Saying "hey I want to/ let's just hang at your place tonight" seems rather awkward to me. Some girls might not be comfortable with it either (at first).

 

[Ashhong]

don't see why not. I have had a couple dates a girls house and nothing happened other then watching movies. Nothing needs to happen. Just spending time with the person is good.

Were you the one that suggested it?

No I wouldn't. Does she know you live at home too? Otherwise, I would just go out somewhere public. Perhaps later in the night you can suggest wanting to still hang out, and hopefully she asks you to come over.

Otherwise, saying "hey I want to/ let's just hang at your place tonight" seems rather awkward to me. Some girls might not be comfortable with it either (at first).

Yea she knows. It's not our first date. We are in a relationship now but just taking it slow. I'm just running out of ideas to go in our area lol. Maybe I'll suggest we make dinner together

 

[Devolution]

Is it wrong to suggest that we hang out at her place for a date? Well not even a date since we are together now, but just for something to do. I dont have my own place or else I would obviously invite her over. Something like "can we just stay in and hang out at your place tonight?" We are taking things slow and dont want it to come across as if I am trying to make a move like that.

Ask it but then say if she's uncomfortable with it you could meet somewhere else. That way you look open to whatever she wants and you're not putting pressure on meeting over at her place.

 

[Maddocks]

Were you the one that suggested it?

Yeah, and she was,"that sounds great" She also knows I still live at home and whatnot.

 

[crush7337]

Is it wrong to suggest that we hang out at her place for a date? Well not even a date since we are together now, but just for something to do. I dont have my own place or else I would obviously invite her over. Something like "can we just stay in and hang out at your place tonight?" We are taking things slow and dont want it to come across as if I am trying to make a move like that.

Do you guys have a TV show in common you watch or some movie you talked about that you could watch on Netflix or something? That has worked in the past for me. The current girl I'm seeing loves hockey so I suggested we get some beers and watch hockey last weekend. The night ended well.

Of course you don't need to make a move if you don't want to. I've just watched movies before and maybe shared a few kisses back and forth but nothing more than that.

 

[RayStorm]

You could post your profile or message openers and some of us could help. I've given some profile reviews before for people and straight up told them what to ax or what to add.

While I posted my profile before and you had a look (or someone on okc that is also named devolution and looks suspiciously like you) I actually added several things since then, and am thankful for any comment. Please quote for the link:



As for messages, that's a bit more difficult due to the fact of me sending most of them in German.

But I just sent a message out to someone into board games that lives close by. Keep in mind I wrote it in German:

Hakuna Matata,

due to the dangerous mixture of geographical convenience and your preference for board games I feel obligated to ask you one of the most essential questions, before we get to know each other better:

Games and Snacks, can this work on one table, or does it inevitably end in tears?

Which I feel is not quite the best I've ever opened with. Despite that I feel openers are probably where I have the best grasp of things and every further message gets a bit worse after that.

 

[Ashhong]

Do you guys have a TV show in common you watch or some movie you talked about that you could watch on Netflix or something? That has worked in the past for me. The current girl I'm seeing loves hockey so I suggested we get some beers and watch hockey last weekend. The night ended well.

Of course you don't need to make a move if you don't want to. I've just watched movies before and maybe shared a few kisses back and forth but nothing more than that.

Yea there's plenty of shows that we can watch. I'm not worried about what happens at her place, just what she thinks when I suggest to hang out at her place. This one is a bit new for me, we like each other and have plenty in common but it still feels awkward. I guess we just haven't gotten comfortable around each other yet, still too worried about what the other thinks.

But I'll suggest this and see how it goes

 

[Perspicacity]

Which I feel is not quite the best I've ever opened with. Despite that I feel openers are probably where I have the best grasp of things and every further message gets a bit worse after that.

I don't hate that message, but my general rule is: "Is this how I would speak in real life?"

 

[Bowflex]

Here's my new profile. Quite a bitter shorter than the last. GirlGAF have any thoughts?

www.okcupid.com/profile/monsieurencule/

 

[Devolution]

While I posted my profile before and you had a look (or someone on okc that is also named devolution and looks suspiciously like you) I actually added several things since then, and am thankful for any comment. Please quote for the link:



As for messages, that's a bit more difficult due to the fact of me sending most of them in German.

But I just sent a message out to someone into board games that lives close by. Keep in mind I wrote it in German:


Which I feel is not quite the best I've ever opened with. Despite that I feel openers are probably where I have the best grasp of things and every further message gets a bit worse after that.

That was me. I'll give it a looksee again. Couldn't remember who I looked over by the gaf names.

Definitely need more personality in your profile. There's a lot of "this is who I am" but it seems very analytical and cold.

I like that message though.

Here's my new profile. Quite a bitter shorter than the last. GirlGAF have any thoughts?

www.okcupid.com/profile/monsieurencule/

Holy shit that poem is hilarious. I think I'd start off your photos with the ones down at the bottom. They're much more friendly and inviting, especially the animal ones.

 

[~Kinggi~]

Sadly Shotgun Messaging (cut & paste) leads to signal noise for majority of women on the site. This leds to women taking less time to actually read messages from people and making quick judgments based on superficial criteria.

Here is an interesting image of how stacked it is against men. 10 fake profiles. 5 women, 5 men message count after 4 months.

http://www.zdnet.com/blog/violetblue/ten-fake-profiles-one-okcupid-experiment-okcupid-on-trial/1405

Exactly right. Female friend confirms this. Fuck this shit. The system is inherently borked and i am now deleting my stupid profile. I really need to find a way to meet girls in reality.

 

[Bowflex]

Holy shit that poem is hilarious. I think I'd start off your photos with the ones down at the bottom. They're much more friendly and inviting, especially the animal ones.

I know! Its a Momus song. You'd be surprised at how many people take it literally. That's good advice, I will take it now

 

[Az987]

Hey, whys that guy at the end get 12 messages on OKC? I don't get 12 messages and I look like him sorta.

Maybe its because I have that Im a student at 26 lol.

Fuck this im taking my shirt off

No im just kidding

Maybe... quick someone take pictures of me at the beach.

Edit: OH wait, its in 4 months? I got 2 in the past week so maybe I'll be at 12 in 4 months! I haven't been using it that much.

 

[The Anti-Monitor]

So... what, when everybody was telling you girls get bombarded with messages you thought it was joking or what?

Maybe... quick someone take pictures of me at the beach.

+1

 

[~Kinggi~]

Alright, fuck it, instead of just outright deleting my profile, i will do something different. As an experiment. I was a digital artist in a past life. I am going to digitally create photos of me helping the poor, doing crazy ass shit, everything a woman would love. Composite my face and body over other places. Then at the bottom post a boring "real pic". I am a fairly serious guy in real life but can be silly with people i know. I need to play that in order to not disappoint them on the first date when im a little nervous etc.

Someone give me ideas for my main profile pic, something i can stick in that small box that might get attention.

 

[Az987]

So... what, when everybody was telling you girls get bombarded with messages you thought it was joking or what?


+1

Ah you made me laugh. You always seem to pop up when I'm not wearing a shirt and now it seems you pop up when I even mention not wearing a shirt!

<3

Its all good though, keep popping up.

 

[Maddocks]

Alright, fuck it, instead of just outright deleting my profile, i will do something different. As an experiment. I was a digital artist in a past life. I am going to digitally create photos of me helping the poor, doing crazy ass shit, everything a woman would love. Composite my face and body over other places. Then at the bottom post a boring "real pic". I am a fairly serious guy in real life but can be silly with people i know. I need to play that in order to not disappoint them on the first date when im a little nervous etc.

Someone give me ideas for my main profile pic, something i can stick in that small box that might get attention.

you while holding a puppy. Girls love cute dogs. Get yo' puppy on.

 

[~Kinggi~]

Im gonna have fun with this, i already got an image of a guy riding a wave and a shark. Just gonna plop myself over that....

you while holding a puppy. Girls love cute dogs. Get yo' puppy on.

Ill make one of these for sure.

Also if there are any images you guys think would be cool for me to photoshop myself onto let me know.

 

[Perspicacity]

Ill make one of these for sure.

Also if there are any images you guys think would be cool for me to photoshop myself onto let me know.

You as a puppy

 

[Darkmakaimura]

Exactly right. Female friend confirms this. Fuck this shit. The system is inherently borked and i am now deleting my stupid profile. I really need to find a way to meet girls in reality.

Exactly. Glad some people here are seeing the light. After not receiving one message or interest, I just said "fuck it" and closed it. Not that my ugly, stupid ass stands a better chance in "real life" but at least I know I'm not out there making the attempt and getting ignored in the process.

 

[bjb]

You as a puppy

You as a puppy holding a puppy.

 

[peteykirch]

Got my date tomorrow, I'm pretty pumped. We skype dated all this week.

She lives in Brooklyn, but works in Manhattan, she's like 2 blocks from Penn Station so she's meeting me there, and then we're going back to her place.

I'm cooking for her, and she picked out a few movies for us to watch.

Saturday I don't know what we're doing to be honest.

This pretty much is like as slam dunk as it can get.

 

[Az987]

Got my date tomorrow, I'm pretty pumped. We skype dated all this week.

She lives in Brooklyn, but works in Manhattan, she's like 2 blocks from Penn Station so she's meeting me there, and then we're going back to her place.

I'm cooking for her, and she picked out a few movies for us to watch.

Saturday I don't know what we're doing to be honest.

This pretty much is like as slam dunk as it can get.

Good luck, I hope it goes good

 

[~Kinggi~]

You as a puppy

I have to walk a fine line. The idea has to be clever enough so that people arent instantly sick of it. I need to tie-in a decent description that relates to me in metaphorical ways etc etc. It also cant look too good, but not too fake. They have to see it and know its fake, but think its funny.

Like, the image also has to be genuinely endearing and has no room for someone to think its creepy. This will be harder than i thought.

I also cant impersonate real heroes etc. They have to be generic enough as to not give the idea im someone with a big ego problem.

 

[Rodney McKay]

I had a few dates over the last couple of weeks. Coffee, dinner, and a movie.
Kinda stopped hearing from her and I'm not really disappointed. Seems like someone I'd like to be friends with, but I wasn't really feeling any connection with her.

I have a date scheduled for this Saturday with a gorgeous looking woman who's just looking for something casual which I'd be down for.


I've been on and off OKCupid for about 2 years at this point and have been pretty happy with it. If I remember right I think I've gone out with 6 woman so far (soon to be 7) using OKC.
-The first i went out with for a few months but it just sort of ended (honestly my fault. It was my first dating experience ever and I never even went in for a kiss, lol)
-Second woman went great, but she wasn't looking for anything serious and it ended after a month or two.
-Third and fourth were fun but only lasted two or three dates
-I took a 9 month break or so when I graduated and was looking for full time work.
-The fifth date was amazing, but only made it one date unfortunately (first date in a WHILE, I wasn't forward enough and mostly talked about TV shows, ugh)
-The sixth one I mentioned above and just didn't feel a connection with her.
-And seven is this weekend.

I feel like when I actually put effort into sending messages to woman on a regular basis (at least 2-3 different women each day) I can manage to get a date within 2-3 weeks. I'll drop off for a week or two if I get burnt out (or if I run out of women I want to message) and start up again later.

My strategy was forcing myself not to care if I didn't get a response from every person I messaged. If I get a woman to look at my profile, I feel like that's enough of an accomplishment. It means they were interested enough by my message or picture to at least look at my profile and see if I'm someone they're interested in messaging back. I can't be hypocritical because there have been a few woman that have messaged me that I never responded to, and hundreds more that I've looked at and never messaged in the first place. I can't expect every woman to say "Oh look a message! I will respond back immediately!" Especially if they get a dozen messages every day.

Yes it does suck when I feel like i manage to write a perfect message (something in their profile lets me write something funny or there's something we share an interest in) and they end up not responding, but hey dems the ropes, amiright?

 

[mj1108]

Here is an interesting image of how stacked it is against men. 10 fake profiles. 5 women, 5 men message count after 4 months.

http://www.zdnet.com/blog/violetblue/ten-fake-profiles-one-okcupid-experiment-okcupid-on-trial/1405

Yup, that graph is pretty darn spot on.

You guys might want to start looking at profiles that don't have pictures and take a chance. You never know what will happen.

 

[SteeloDMZ]

Do you guys think that a lot of the profiles out there for girls are fake?