Meh, I look at it this way, if I don't get a reply to a message that I sent out to a lady, then it means on to the next one, nothing to sweat over.
Now that I'm thinking about it though, aren't you supposed to be trolling guys on there right now?
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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!
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Meh, I look at it this way, if I don't get a reply to a message that I sent out to a lady, then it means on to the next one, nothing to sweat over.
Now that I'm thinking about it though, aren't you supposed to be trolling guys on there right now?
Yes, though sometimes I see people who have interesting things in their profile that I'd like to talk about (the one guy I'm annoyed over used to live in the UK) so I message them. Eeh. Friends
Maddocks
Member
making friends is more difficult then I remember thats for sure. Guess it has to do with trust and willingness to open up. back in the day it was always a simple,"oh shit you like that? me too" then that would happen over and over and bam friends.
now its,"you like that? me too" over and over and then ask,"what's up?" "stuff, gotta go".....and they never go anyplace.
now its,"you like that? me too" over and over and then ask,"what's up?" "stuff, gotta go".....and they never go anyplace.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
I just came across a profile with one picture from 2005. That's a huge red flag.
donkey show
Member
Yes, though sometimes I see people who have interesting things in their profile that I'd like to talk about (the one guy I'm annoyed over used to live in the UK) so I message them. Eeh. Friends
That wasn't me was it? :O
I've never messaged you
Yes, though sometimes I see people who have interesting things in their profile that I'd like to talk about (the one guy I'm annoyed over used to live in the UK) so I message them. Eeh. Friends
Yeah, I've gotten that quite a bit along with a lot of folks here on OKC-GAF. I'm sure for a lot of folks on the site it's hard to let your guard down when you're constantly bombarded by "Hey, let's screw!" style posts. Even I have my guard up to an extent, but then again, I mainly get a lot of messages from ladies who are completely not my type.
Yeah, nowanddays I usually make more friends from stuff like Conventions, especially when I do volunteer work. It's kinda silly but true but when I head off to the Saucer or something similar, I see more folks sitting quietly alone on their phones than trying to move around the bar and strike up a good time.
Red_taiyaki
Member
Same here. I typically wait ~24-48 hrs before I declare a potential connection dead.
I don't get many messages lol. One every few days or something haha. I'm usually the one messaging if I see something I want to talk about haha.
Whatevvvvvv. Haha. I got my girl friends haha. Who needs guy friends in their lives? Not me!
Been since yesterday morning so oh well. Hahaha.
IAmtheFMan
Member
So I made a fake female profile yesterday out of curiosity to see the other side.
Good God at the complete cluster that is.
Good God at the complete cluster that is.
Maddocks
Member
you don't like the 15 messages, 6 saying "hi" 5 saying,"hey beautiful" 2 from a couple asking you to join them for a 3some and 2 asking you if you want to be casual.
and guys have to compete vs that.
Here's the way I look at it. Most of us have a lot of friends, or enough to satiate us. So the majority of OKC on both the guy and girl fence, isn't looking for a new buddy, bud rather someone they can be romantic with.
Me for example I only have messaged a handful of girls that I never wanted romantically. However, if messaged a girl for a while on OKC and texted, we hung out a few times or something, and saw hey this isn't relationship material, but just friends material, then I'd be cool just being friends. Like I said though...I'm not looking for just a friend. :/
Plain and simple I'm trying to have a relationship with 1 girl and I hope she ends up being that right special someone for me. Booty calls are cool, but to me there's way better ways to get that if that's what you are seeking rather than OKC.
True your situation is more rare I feel. I was speaking in generalities.
It'd kick ass if you could get some guy friends, or one you can build a good foundation on, but it is really hard to find that on a DATING site, you know?
There is a lot of good guys out there on the site who can do that, but trying to find them is a piece of hay in a needlestack.
True your situation is more rare I feel. I was speaking in generalities.
It'd kick ass if you could get some guy friends, or one you can build a good foundation on, but it is really hard to find that on a DATING site, you know?
There is a lot of good guys out there on the site who can do that, but trying to find them is a piece of hay in a needlestack.
It all just makes me super uncomfortable. Everything about guys just makes me want to never come outside.
Fiftyeight
Neo Member
This is a message I got from a girl the other day:
"I hate it when u read somebodys profile all the way to the bottom and then has to mention all your friends decided to have friends well I have kids so now I just want to show you what u could of had had you not been meen and make me read a big long story kinda like this message and then when ur intrigued kinda like you are then know ur going to have to pass kinda like u now feel.....lmao hi I'm sarah lol you want to know about me read my profile....*"
I need a fucking translator.
"I hate it when u read somebodys profile all the way to the bottom and then has to mention all your friends decided to have friends well I have kids so now I just want to show you what u could of had had you not been meen and make me read a big long story kinda like this message and then when ur intrigued kinda like you are then know ur going to have to pass kinda like u now feel.....lmao hi I'm sarah lol you want to know about me read my profile....
*"I need a fucking translator.
Red_taiyaki
Member
This is a message I got from a girl the other day:
"I hate it when u read somebodys profile all the way to the bottom and then has to mention all your friends decided to have friends well I have kids so now I just want to show you what u could of had had you not been meen and make me read a big long story kinda like this message and then when ur intrigued kinda like you are then know ur going to have to pass kinda like u now feel.....lmao hi I'm sarah lol you want to know about me read my profile....
I need a fucking translator.
Translation: she's batshit crazy ;P.
IAmtheFMan
Member
Oh my God:
"Hey"
"Hey what's up"
"You're gorgeous"
etc. etc.
I kinda went overboard and laid it on pretty thick; my female alter-ego got like 250 views and 73 messages in < 24 hours before I deleted the profile. Maybe one or two actually had any thought in them.
It amazed me how many guys:
- Use 'u, ur, gud' etc.
- Didn't read a single thing in the profile
- Have topless pics of themselves as their friggin PROFILE picture
- Send amazingly banal messages like the ones above
- Really could fit the Nice Guys of OkCupid tumblr
Actually makes me feel better about myself and my wit if that's what I'm up against.
It all just makes me super uncomfortable. Everything about guys just makes me want to never come outside.
Any particular reason for that? If you want to be alone, no worries, but I am curious about why you have Physical Male-Phobia.
Men are really mean to me, and I'm uncomfortable with myself so I know it would just be horrible. :/
Men are still mean to you or were at one time?
If I interact with them, still.
Well, for one, before you do anything, you need to get comfortable with yourself, however you have to do so. Usually you have to start small, like waking up everyday and acknowledging that you are an awesome baker and that no one can touch you on your baking skills because peeps from other countries request your cookies, thoughts like that. It's like real-life building Lego Sets.
As far as guys go, sounds like you got stuck with some REALLY bad apples. I'm not going to lie, guys are assholes, blunt, and prone to acts of silliness. The good guys however are the ones who can at least add a touch of decency and caring, and not in the Nice Guys of OKCupid kind of way.
I'm not going to ask you to go into specifics but I'm sure there is a guy for you, Leeness.
You seem very sweet from what I can tell and even if you've had bad luck so far it doesn't mean it will always be that way.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
I miss the Nice Guys of OkCupid tumblr.
Leeness should look for some local GAFers to hang with, at least for a start. And ditto that guys are assholes.
Leeness should look for some local GAFers to hang with, at least for a start. And ditto that guys are assholes.
That's why I go to therapy but I don't think it will do much. Pretty sure I can't change how I think about myself.
And really, that'll probably mean I'm without guy friends because I can't be around them but...oh well.
That's why I go to therapy but I don't think it will do much. Pretty sure I can't change how I think about myself.
And really, that'll probably mean I'm without guy friends because I can't be around them but...oh well.
You can definitely change how you think about yourself. It took 3 years of serious depression for me to finally dig myself out of the hole that I had dug myself into as a result of a very shitty break up with a girl, head games she did, and how awful I felt about myself after a failed suicide attempt.
In those 3 years I did therapy 4 times, never took pills, and cast out all but a few people. Those few people I left in my life over 3 years and my own soul searching, dug me out of that pit, and I became the happy go luck mofo I am now, and had been up until that fucked up time.
After those 3 years I haven't had a depressed moment really, and after the girl I just broke up with(my first dumping of anyone) my confidence in myself and relationships is beyond high. I think that must be a part of why OKC this go around is going so well---I'm the best version of me.
You have a therapist, so I'm not going to preach some solutions, but as you know I'm sure, you have to own up and face your fears/anxieties. You have to get out of that comfort zone, you have to believe you are as fucking awesome as those close to you are saying, and roll with it. That's all the preach you'll get.
Oh and as a FYI, pretty sure most of the guys reading here would definitely give you the time of day and try to be your friend. Most of us would LOVE a friend who's a girl that wants to do co-op The Last Of Us later this year in a living room having funs and laughs.
Dig deep, and don't give up on yourself.That's why I go to therapy but I don't think it will do much. Pretty sure I can't change how I think about myself.
And really, that'll probably mean I'm without guy friends because I can't be around them but...oh well.
Actually you can change how you think about yourself, but to start off with, you have to WANT to change, and that's something no therapist can help you with. They can point you in the right direction whether it be long talks or prescriptions, but you have to be willing to take the first steps.
EDIT: Beaten by zlatko, with great advice.
Maddocks
Member
Its debated on Plenty of Fish vs Okcupid. Both are very good at what they do for free. I view Okc better because its worked better for me, while others will say POF worked for them better. Experiment with both.
OriginofHysteria
Banned
POF has a lack of features compared to OKC and it's an eyesore to navigate (to me at least). But you get results with both sites equally so either or would work.
Maddocks
Member
"hey baby, wanna go out? and maybe trade this table for a vcr?"
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
This is honestly because you're a canucks fan... We try to help you but you just won't listen.
But in all seriousness, is there a certain type of guy that you talk to? Where do you meet the people you talk to? Just randomly? I don't really know you at all but it just seems really odd that you can't find anyone who isn't mean to you that's male. I could see if it's a certain group/type of person that maybe you want to fit in with but you just don't but I can't fathom how you can't make any male friends.
Also, are you sure that they are always meaning to be mean? Or are they maybe trying to joke and they just suck at it and it comes off wrong? I only ask because if you're uncomfortable with yourself then there's at least a possibility that you're reading too deeply into things. When most people are scared they over analyze things and because of it, things that are completely harmless are seen in an extremely negative light. What sort of things are you uncomfortable with regarding yourself if you don't mind me asking.
That's why I go to therapy but I don't think it will do much. Pretty sure I can't change how I think about myself.
And really, that'll probably mean I'm without guy friends because I can't be around them but...oh well.
You can always change how you think of yourself, it's just not always easy. There could also be another underlying problem that could be making it more difficult to change how you think about yourself. Again, I don't know you so I'm just speaking generally, I'm not trying to imply there is an underlying problem or anything, just that it's possible for some people.
I want to, but I also don't want to change, so I don't think I'll ever get it
Haha. Ah well... As long as I have video games and movies and my ladies, I'm good
Edit: looool that guy went to my profile again. Haha. You decided not to reply to me, dude.
Well, I don't think anyone is saying to change something you don't want to or become someone you don't want to but there has to be something you want to change right? I mean if you're uncomfortable with yourself as you describe then that means there's something that you personally don't like and want to be different right? I mean it doesn't have be something positive or negative, it's just something you want. Just curious because of how you said you viewed yourself before.
I'll be starting college in the fall, so I'm totally planning on hopping onto the online-dating bandwagon since it's hard starting out in a new place. Is it worth paying for a website like Match.com or should OKCupid be sufficient? I just want a website that has a younger 18-22 crowd so that I'm not cougar bait.
I would say go with OKC or POF for a bit before paying cash $$ for match.com.
Canucks
I dunno, they definitely are wanting to be mean when they tell me how bad I look.
And I want to change how I look.
when guys talk to me, it's about how they don't like how I look. Since that's all that seems to matter. :/I'm okay with myself in that I'm smart, I'm friendly, I'm a great baker, I want to travel, I have a 4.0 GPA in my legal assistant program, I'll be a paralegal someday, etc.
That's cool. But it all doesn't seem to matter to guys when it comes to me.
So if I could like...change everything about the way I look, that would be great
Then they'd actually take the time to get to know me.And if I liked the way I looked, I wouldn't be grossed out about everything. :/
Canucks
I dunno, they definitely are wanting to be mean when they tell me how bad I look.
And I want to change how I look.
I'm okay with myself in that I'm smart, I'm friendly, I'm a great baker, I want to travel, I have a 4.0 GPA in my legal assistant program, I'll be a paralegal someday, etc.
That's cool. But it all doesn't seem to matter to guys when it comes to me.
So if I could like...change everything about the way I look, that would be great
And if I liked the way I looked, I wouldn't be grossed out about everything. :/
After re-checking your profile, I have come to the conclusion that the boys who actually thought you looked bad were smoking crack. That is all.
Maddocks
Member
they are on drugs or they are trying way to hard to neg you. They be reading bad "how to pick up women" books and are going way overboard with the insults hoping you will respond to them in a way that you will try to seek their approval.
screw em. you are fine how you look. date a gaffer. problem solved.
screw em. you are fine how you look. date a gaffer. problem solved.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Canucks
I dunno, they definitely are wanting to be mean when they tell me how bad I look.
And I want to change how I look.
I'm okay with myself in that I'm smart, I'm friendly, I'm a great baker, I want to travel, I have a 4.0 GPA in my legal assistant program, I'll be a paralegal someday, etc.
That's cool. But it all doesn't seem to matter to guys when it comes to me.
So if I could like...change everything about the way I look, that would be great
And if I liked the way I looked, I wouldn't be grossed out about everything. :/
How old are the people you're talking too? Do they initiate the conversation or do they when they say you're ugly?
Is it because you're wearing canucks clothes? Because....
Edit: Why are you grossed out by you? What exactly is gross?
jamesinclair
Banned
Im trying the fake profile experiment, to see what all those studs out there are doing that Im not.
BrightEyedPanic
Member
OKC is better if you're looking for a relationship. Plenty of Fish is really just for ass. 'Plenty of Ass.'
jamesinclair
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