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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!

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L

Leeness

Member
Devolution said:
Hang out more with them. Get to know their groups.
Click to expand...

I do. I hang out with my program people. They talk about clothes and their boyfriends and such. I nod haha.

I dunno. It's just like... I'm happy in many aspects of my life. I'm gonna finish school soon, I'll get a job that pays decently, I am okay with myself (other than my looks), I love my family, I love my friends.

I just want to have contact with a guy that isn't negative you know? I feel like such a freak because the only emotion I generate from guys IRL is negative.

In some ways, I just want to shut myself in my home and never leave again, just so I don't have to hear from another guy how much they don't like me.

But then a guy talks to me for more than five minutes without disdain and it's like the worst thing in the world when he stops because I just want to hold onto that neutral/positive interaction.

I sound like an alien or something lol... HUMAN INTERACTION MUST INTEGRATE WITH HUMANITY. Maybe I am.

I don't even know. All I know is my head hurts.
 
D

Devolution

Member
Leeness said:
I do. I hang out with my program people. They talk about clothes and their boyfriends and such. I nod haha.

I dunno. It's just like... I'm happy in many aspects of my life. I'm gonna finish school soon, I'll get a job that pays decently, I am okay with myself (other than my looks), I love my family, I love my friends.

I just want to have contact with a guy that isn't negative you know? I feel like such a freak because the only emotion I generate from guys IRL is negative.

In some ways, I just want to shut myself in my home and never leave again, just so I don't have to hear from another guy how much they don't like me.

But then a guy talks to me for more than five minutes without disdain and it's like the worst thing in the world when he stops because I just want to hold onto that neutral/positive interaction.

I sound like an alien or something lol... HUMAN INTERACTION MUST INTEGRATE WITH HUMANITY. Maybe I am.

I don't even know. All I know is my head hurts.
Click to expand...

You sure you're not generating negative experiences by setting up situations in which that outcome is inevitable? I feel like you're psyching yourself out. Like say your profiles, were they just pics and barely any info? Then all you're pretty much going to get is crude messages (hell we all get them). It's part of dealing with shit, assholes abound but without more insight into who you are the decent ones won't know what they're supposed to do. It sounds like you need to just socialize with men without ANY expectations what so ever.

Each guy you have a positive interaction with ask for his contact info. Don't talk his head off but keep at it with him and learn a few things. Keep doing this until you've built up a good repartee, then consider going on the dating circuit if nothing grows from these situations. And there's nothing wrong with admitting to them that you're a bit in over your head, it would help them help you.
 
L

Leeness

Member
Devolution said:
You sure you're not generating negative experiences by setting up situations in which that outcome is inevitable? I feel like you're psyching yourself out. Like say your profiles, were they just pics and barely any info? Then all you're pretty much going to get is crude messages (hell we all get them). It's part of dealing with shit, assholes abound but without more insight into who you are the decent ones won't know what they're supposed to do. It sounds like you need to just socialize with men without ANY expectations what so ever.

Each guy you have a positive interaction with ask for his contact info. Don't talk his head off but keep at it with him and learn a few things. Keep doing this until you've built up a good repartee, then consider going on the dating circuit if nothing grows from these situations. And there's nothing wrong with admitting to them that you're a bit in over your head, it would help them help you.
Click to expand...

My match profile had actual stuff written out. And it's not even crude messages... I get mean things. I'd welcome crude...

I even put in the profile that I'm really unsure and just looking for men to talk to.

The one that has me upset... We'd been having a back and forth for like a week, he said he gets wanting to just talk, said we should maybe be Facebook friends or something and I was stupid and didn't get his contact info... And he deleted his profile today without saying anything :(

It's just like...oh my god, a guy who is talking to me without calling me names, maybe he will be my friend please please be my friend and then he just vanishes.

I know it's stupid as hell because I'd only talked with him like ten times over the week, but TEN. That's like a fricking miracle for me. A guy putting up with me for ten whole emails.

But yeah... I probably won't initiate contact with any guys anymore. :/ not for a while. I just can't deal with "shut up" "you're ugly leave me alone" "ugh no" right now anymore.
 
J

Jhriad

Member
Maddocks said:
now remember the more you stretch out the age on okc, the less matches you get. Tighten that age group a bit and you will see girls/guys you never got a chance to see before because okc skipped over that person to add another person of a different age.
Click to expand...

Good to know, thanks Maddocks.
 
F

False Witness

Member
Not that I don't believe you or anything, Leeness, but just what types of mean messages do you get?

The concept of going out of my way just to send an awful message seems so damn strange to me. I'm surprised there are guys out there who would even take the time just to harass someone. Then again, I'm extremely apathetic and don't even bother sending messages to people I might be interested in, let alone to people who I don't have any desire whatsoever to talk to.

Jhriad said:
Good to know, thanks Maddocks.
Click to expand...

Note: It won't change the actual Match list that shows everyone in your area, which will probably get more use by you anyway.
 
S

Snkfanatic

Banned
Thinking of making a account soon. Need to get back out there and try again. I have just never been good at writing these things so I will post it here when I am done.
 
L

Leeness

Member
False Witness said:
Not that I don't believe you or anything, Leeness, but just what types of mean messages do you get?

The concept of going out of my way just to send an awful message seems so damn strange to me. I'm surprised there are guys out there who would even take the time just to harass someone. Then again, I'm extremely apathetic and don't even bother sending messages to people I might be interested in, let alone to people who I don't have any desire whatsoever to talk to.
Click to expand...

I don't want to repeat them right now because I just woke up and feel a bit better, but lots of mean stuff.

Anyway...sorry for breaking down last night. And thank you for trying to talk to me. I really do appreciate it.

I feel a little better this morning and today is about baking and finding a practicum :)
 
P

peteykirch

Member
So the girl I was seeing for the last month, decides last night she's not feeling it.

Thanks, great, just super, tell me the day before Valentines day, after I had flowers sent to her job for her. She'll be grateful of those today.
 
W

WascallyWabbit

Member
peteykirch said:
So the girl I was seeing for the last month, decides last night she's not feeling it.

Thanks, great, just super, tell me the day before Valentines day, after I had flowers sent to her job for her. She'll be grateful of those today.
Click to expand...

Sorry to hear that, but you should cancel those flowers...
 
D

Doctor West

Member
Leeness said:
My match profile had actual stuff written out. And it's not even crude messages... I get mean things. I'd welcome crude...

I even put in the profile that I'm really unsure and just looking for men to talk to.

The one that has me upset... We'd been having a back and forth for like a week, he said he gets wanting to just talk, said we should maybe be Facebook friends or something and I was stupid and didn't get his contact info... And he deleted his profile today without saying anything :(

It's just like...oh my god, a guy who is talking to me without calling me names, maybe he will be my friend please please be my friend and then he just vanishes.

I know it's stupid as hell because I'd only talked with him like ten times over the week, but TEN. That's like a fricking miracle for me. A guy putting up with me for ten whole emails.

But yeah... I probably won't initiate contact with any guys anymore. :/ not for a while. I just can't deal with "shut up" "you're ugly leave me alone" "ugh no" right now anymore.
Click to expand...
The only thing I can say for sure is that all the guys who were mean to you are not worth your time, so don't feel bad over their loss for a second. As for the guy who deleted his account, that happens. Hell, it's even happened to me a couple of times. One girl even game me her number and set up a date before closing her account and then never responded to my text confirming the date, lol.

Now I didn't read your profile or know what the context of your messages were, but were you ever really negative or self-deprecating in them? That tends to send a lot of guys running. In the future, if you've been talking to a guy for a week and it's going well, you can causally suggest meeting up for coffee.

Like you, I felt like I was never going to find the right person. I've been online dating since August and have talked to countless girls and been on 20+ dates. Only last month did I finally find somebody who I have incredible chemistry with. This stuff takes time and it's so easy to get depressed about it. I found that every time you start feeling a bit off, just send out a net and contact more people. Always be funny in your emails and never let anything negative creep in.

I promise you that there is a guy out there for you, just don't take yourself out of the game and keep positive. :)
 
F

Frustrated_me

Member
OK GAF, after a year & 1/2 of being single and on/off dates here and there I decided to take it online. I literally just created my profile, I'll me editing and fine tuning as I go. Here is my profile - http://www.okcupid.com/profile/DaftP what do you guys think?

Which picture should I have as my profile picture? Whats the etiquette on length of profiles, I'm quite reserved usually and like to keep things short and simple.

Also, whats next? I just randomly message girls which cute pictures? Is there a poke option or similar?
 
Maddocks

Maddocks

Member
there used to be a wink option, but they took it out. So yeah, send messages to everyone you find attractive or interesting.

I found that I can put up with anyone, girl I started talking to tried her hardest to get me to almost hate her. After every message she kept adding,"you can ignore me now" because she felt that her interests and weirdness would be a complete turn off and guys bashed her for it. But me, made me more interested. Eventually everyone finds someone to connect with on some level.
 
W

WascallyWabbit

Member
Frustrated_me said:
OK GAF, after a year & 1/2 of being single and on/off dates here and there I decided to take it online. I literally just created my profile, I'll me editing and fine tuning as I go. Here is my profile - http://www.okcupid.com/profile/DaftP what do you guys think?

Which picture should I have as my profile picture? Whats the etiquette on length of profiles, I'm quite reserved usually and like to keep things short and simple.

Also, whats next? I just randomly message girls which cute pictures? Is there a poke option or similar?
Click to expand...

I'd go with the one with you outside facing the camera, or the last close up shot. But the one you have now is fine.

Answer the match questions and start searching for girls who have high match ratings with you.
 
A

Ashhong

Member
Do you guys think places like Target will still have vday cards tomorrow? Going out for vday on Saturday, and dont really have time to get a card today lol
 
K

Kilrogg

paid requisite penance
Leeness said:
It's just like...oh my god, a guy who is talking to me without calling me names, maybe he will be my friend please please be my friend and then he just vanishes.

I know it's stupid as hell because I'd only talked with him like ten times over the week, but TEN. That's like a fricking miracle for me. A guy putting up with me for ten whole emails.
Click to expand...

Hey now! We exchanged like 4 or 5 PMs; we're halfway there :p. Granted, the conversation kind of petered out, but that's mostly because we talked only about your current problems and nothing else (through no fault of yours, btw: it's just what the conversation was about and I admit I kind of ran out of advice).

That said, glad to know you're doing stuff and hanging out with people. However, like Devo said, you should do that even more, and try to put yourself in a better light when talking to people (be they guys or girls). If you're being openly negative you'll create in a situation where people will run away. But this is key: they don't run away because you suck: they run away because you (consciously or not) choose to present your interesting personality in a way that rubs some people the wrong. I'm not talking about all the assholes who called you names, cause they're just assholes. I'm talking about people who might be genuinely interested in you (as a friend or romantically, who knows) but suddenly break contact with you. Those people you can keep interested in you and you can have nice, long exchanges with them, but you have to present yourself more positively, if only as a game or a test to see if it works. At any rate, acting self-defeating is not the way to go.
 
Maddocks

Maddocks

Member
some people feed off negativity, I mean they take the negative a person presents and use it to try and help the person. Im that way, I see negative as a positive and not trying to save the person but to try to get to the problem and help. Problem is that after I help, the girls find their soul mates while im still alone lol
 
L

Leeness

Member
Cheers guys...I'm okay now. Generally haha.

Maybe I should make it a game.

But anyway...thanks for putting up with my shit whenever I get it in my mind that this is a good idea haha.
 
Maddocks

Maddocks

Member
just remember that you are not alone and some of us feel the same way and have been treated that way also. Its painful and scary and makes it hard to trust well anyone, but in the end. shit works out, even if you might not see the end of a tunnel, it does have an exit.
 
A

Al-ibn Kermit

Junior Member
Frustrated_me said:
OK GAF, after a year & 1/2 of being single and on/off dates here and there I decided to take it online. I literally just created my profile, I'll me editing and fine tuning as I go. Here is my profile - http://www.okcupid.com/profile/DaftP what do you guys think?

Which picture should I have as my profile picture? Whats the etiquette on length of profiles, I'm quite reserved usually and like to keep things short and simple.

Also, whats next? I just randomly message girls which cute pictures? Is there a poke option or similar?
Click to expand...

Choose a picture that shows your face most clearly I guess. You can't poke, I wouldn't message anybody who doesn't have an interesting profile or use a bullshit "hey what's up/how's your yadda yadda?" greeting. I made a fake female profile once to see what the messages are like and literally like 90% of the first messages were complete bullshit like that or asking other general questions about career/degree.

Choose who you would randomly talk to on okc like you would if it were real life.

Anyways, can anybody give some thought on what I should do with my profile?

www.okcupid.com/profile/hydnellum_fella

I've been told by a few girls that I should try more well shot pictures but it's nice exceeding expectations when you get to meet.
 
A

Ashhong

Member
Ha, got a card that is meant for a baby's first Valentines Day because its going to be this girl's first vday with a guy. Hope she find's it as cute as I do in my head lol.
 
Z

zlatko

Banned
I'm glad I learned my lesson earlier about girls, and not checking up on facebooks.

This girl has 3 pics on her profile, looks good in all, and mentions she's a model. Turns out her first name is very unique, so I typed into facebook and low and behold the other pics she has available to be viewed to anyone finding her on facebook are a MAJOR downgrade from the reality.

Maybe I'm a douche creep for looking into it, but fuck I'm glad I did! *deletes number from texting*
 
A

Az987

all good things
I copied and pasted Happy Valentine's day!!!! to about 30 people in the past 15 minutes.

Got 3 replies so far.
 
A

Az987

all good things
zlatko said:
It DOES explain a lot of how that profile is put together though LMAO! A little inbreeding never hurt anyone...much.
Click to expand...

Apparently It's a fake.

I sent her/him:

hayyy..

I like ur pig talez. I had pig tailez once but mi dog ate dem. The dog in mi pic. That's cray, huh? He ripped them right out mi head.

Do u lik to wear purple? I lik the color purple itz mi favorete.

and this morning I got back:

LOL you win the internet. I keep a website and this dummy profile is part of it. Out of almost 300 messages, you're one of two who actually recognized it as fake.
http://okcupidloloffame.tumblr.com/

Well it's good to win something and the internet is a pretty big thing to win I guess.
 
N

Necrovex

Member
zlatko said:
I'm glad I learned my lesson earlier about girls, and not checking up on facebooks.

This girl has 3 pics on her profile, looks good in all, and mentions she's a model. Turns out her first name is very unique, so I typed into facebook and low and behold the other pics she has available to be viewed to anyone finding her on facebook are a MAJOR downgrade from the reality.

Maybe I'm a douche creep for looking into it, but fuck I'm glad I did! *deletes number from texting*
Click to expand...

You realize that most models tend to be prettied up before a shoot right?
 
D

donkey show

Member
Red_taiyaki said:
Glad to hear it went well :).
Click to expand...

Danke! Lots of good banter at multiple pubs and went back to her place and chilled. We might do something this weekend perhaps. We'll see how it goes. :)

When I got back home, I had messages from new peeps as well I had not previously messaged before, so Valentine's a-okay. ^^
 
Z

zlatko

Banned
Necrovex said:
You realize that most models tend to be prettied up before a shoot right?
Click to expand...

The pics she used were NOT from model shoots on her OKC. They were her with her brother, and her just standing in a nice dress before a night out.

There's something extremely fishy about it all, and I'm steering clear of it...
 
D

dralla

Member
zlatko said:
The pics she used were NOT from model shoots on her OKC. They were her with her brother, and her just standing in a nice dress before a night out.

There's something extremely fishy about it all, and I'm steering clear of it...
Click to expand...

Who cares dude? Meet up with her and see how it goes, the worst that happens is that you don't find her attractive. I've been deceived before by people on OKC and it doesn't stop me from giving other people a chance.
 
Z

zlatko

Banned
dralla said:
Who cares dude? Meet up with her and see how it goes, the worst that happens is that you don't find her attractive. I've been deceived before by people on OKC and it doesn't stop me from giving other people a chance.
Click to expand...

That was my ex g/f. I don't want to settle anymore honestly. I want a girl I'm super attracted to and have a great time talking to.
 
Z

zlatko

Banned
WascallyWabbit said:
How do you know you won't be attracted to her in person? A lot of people photograph very differently.
Click to expand...

Fair enough, but I'm also skeptical of people who aren't fairly forward about their looks out the gate. I'm a big believer in embracing what you look like, even if you look like shit in photos like I myself do.

Something about her just rubs me the wrong way, plus she isn't exactly a chatty person on texts either. She really wanted to meet me, so if next week she does in fact want to, then I'll go for it I suppose, but I'm not pouring tons of energy right now into her when I'm trying to keep up with a few others.

I have date 2 with the girl I really had a good time with last week. If this date kicks butt, then hopefully I don't need to worry about taking out any other women. :) First girl off this site that is a 95% match, 95% friend, 5% enemy that is incredibly good looking, watches anime, and plays RPGs like Final Fantasy. Trying to hit the jack pot here haha.
 
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