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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!
- Thread starter AlimNassor
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You said 2 things in 1 message and tried to relate to her too much. Key is to not logically make her want to see you but emotionally.Alright, looks like this one is going to be a no-reply. She visited my profile half an hour ago, but nothing in the inbox.
I'm wondering if my message sucked. I said "Hi (her profile name), how's it going? I noticed that your taste in movies is phenomenal, particularly your top choice. I was just thinking of including Groundhog's Day too, since I watched it earlier this month.
You seem cool. I moved recently, and I'm also looking for someone to have a fun adventure with, so we should chat sometime."
The part of her profile where it says You Should Message Me If listed "if you're looking for someone to have adventures with," but I might have overplayed that part of the message.
Advice?
Jack Remington
Banned
What would have been a better version of that message?
Also, you don't want to try to relate to people in messages?
Red_taiyaki
Member
I would have left out the whole part "just moved recently....we should chat sometime." No idea how that may have come across to her as to me it comes off a little bit desperate (no offense). Also, I've had girls check out my profile only to have them send a message three or four days later. Hell, first date I landed there was a week of waiting in between. So just keep your hopes alive
.Jack Remington
Banned
How do you end your messages? I thought about leaving that part out, but then the message would have ended with me talking about the movie Groundhog Day.
There's so much conflicting information out there. Some advice columns specifically tell you to pick out something from her profile to include in the message so it looks like you really read her profile and give a damn about her as a person, but is that not the best thing to do?
There's so much conflicting information out there. Some advice columns specifically tell you to pick out something from her profile to include in the message so it looks like you really read her profile and give a damn about her as a person, but is that not the best thing to do?
In my experience, initial message should be about 2-4 sentences. One... TWO questions max where you try to spring board off something from her profile. I don't ever "end" my message. Just 2-4 sentences. Say what you need to say. Don't mention her looks.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Skype date tonight. My new beard has to go.
I joined POF recently but have just been responding to what others send to me and I seem to get a lot of "Hey " messages - then I will respond, normally a short and sweet intro asking about a shared interest from their profile, film for example, but then receive responses to this that are like one line with no return questions. I try to bounce of it and say how I hate horrors or something but I then again get small kinda blunt replies. Have you guys found it normal for things to start out really cagey?
Is it more a chat site, lots of short message? I don't have the app downloaded but saw it has one.
" messages - then I will respond, normally a short and sweet intro asking about a shared interest from their profile, film for example, but then receive responses to this that are like one line with no return questions. I try to bounce of it and say how I hate horrors or something but I then again get small kinda blunt replies. Have you guys found it normal for things to start out really cagey? Is it more a chat site, lots of short message? I don't have the app downloaded but saw it has one.
WascallyWabbit
Member
Skype date tonight. My new beard has to go.
Why are you shaving your beard for a Skype date? Is this a relationship or someone you just met?
Red_taiyaki
Member
Skype date tonight. My new beard has to go.
BE A REBEL! LEAVE THE BEARD :V!
I'll show you an example of what I typically send out. It works.....35-45% of the the time (most of my messages are sent to very selective, and maybe only send out two to three messages to new girls a week). Theoretically, let's say she rated my profile and we had a mutual interest in shitty B movies.
"Hi there XXXXXXXX,
I noticed that you gave me a nice rating on OKC, so I thought that I would do the two of a us a favor and send you a nice, friendly message. Anyways, I saw on your profile that you listed some of the best B movies like Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus and the highly-acclaimed Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies as two of your favorite movies, yet somehow managed to avoid mentioning AFI-top 100 worthy Twilight saga altogether. I must admit that I am highly disappointed in you, what gives?"
I usually end ALL my initial messages with an open-ended question, picking one particular thing that stuck out about it. Make it relevant to their profile and it will show that you read through it. If they don't have anything in their profile, I just accuse them of being a lonely 75-year old 300-pound white guy or a pyramid scheme. Be creative lol.
edit: I just reread your message and saw that you didn't ask any questions aside from the generic intro she's probably heard a thousand times. ALWAYS ASK QUESTIONS >_>.
Alright, looks like this one is going to be a no-reply. She visited my profile half an hour ago, but nothing in the inbox.
I'm wondering if my message sucked. I said "Hi (her profile name), how's it going? I noticed that your taste in movies is phenomenal, particularly your top choice. I was just thinking of including Groundhog's Day too, since I watched it earlier this month.
You seem cool. I moved recently, and I'm also looking for someone to have a fun adventure with, so we should chat sometime."
The part of her profile where it says You Should Message Me If listed "if you're looking for someone to have adventures with," but I might have overplayed that part of the message.
Advice?
Send the exact same message tomorrow with happy groundhogs day at the bottom. But your message was needy and desperate.
Jack Remington
Banned
That's weird. The tone in my head was confident, like she should feel good because I had read her profile and thought she was cool, not that I was looking for any kind of validation.
But reading it again, I can see how you could arrive at that interpretation. It's harder when you can't use tone of voice.
Red_taiyaki
Member
Many times, shit sounds good in our heads my friend only to have it backfire. I once sent a cute Asian programmer a message coded in binary.....yah, no response lol. Granted, I knew that it was either going to work wonders or completely make me sound like a tool lolz.
Jack Remington
Banned
I'll go with a version of your template next time I send a message.
Red_taiyaki
Member
Cool. Hope it works better. But ya from there I'd wager she'd respond with something like "Oh Twilight LOLOLOL I once tried to watch that, couldn't get past the first five minutes BLAH BLAH BLAH"
I'd respond back by telling her that I gave her profile a one star and would've given her more if she had made it through to at least the first hour blah blah.
Typical conversation stuff ;P.
Anyways, good luck!
JimtotheHum
Member
Here are my last three dates from OKcupid.
1. Met a girl at a bar, sat and had a couple drinks, thought we had pretty good conversation and she was very pretty. Texted her two days afterwards. Told me she didn't feel chemistry.
2. Met another girl at a bar, this girl I was not interested in at all. Apparently, she wasn't either, because she cut the date short by just saying, "I'm gonna be honest, I'm not feeling anything here."
3. Yesterday, met a girl at the bowling alley. Bowled, had a blast, joked around a bunch. I really liked this girl. Just got message saying "had a fun time, nice to meet you, best of luck." She then disabled her account, leaving no way to contact her.
THIS IS BRUTAL.
1. Met a girl at a bar, sat and had a couple drinks, thought we had pretty good conversation and she was very pretty. Texted her two days afterwards. Told me she didn't feel chemistry.
2. Met another girl at a bar, this girl I was not interested in at all. Apparently, she wasn't either, because she cut the date short by just saying, "I'm gonna be honest, I'm not feeling anything here."
3. Yesterday, met a girl at the bowling alley. Bowled, had a blast, joked around a bunch. I really liked this girl. Just got message saying "had a fun time, nice to meet you, best of luck." She then disabled her account, leaving no way to contact her.
THIS IS BRUTAL.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
It's new so it doesn't look good yet. Well, it was new.
Already gone.
God damn man, that's rough.
Sound about right. Its a waste of time, and money if you are paying for this shit. There is no cheap way to find happiness.
But at least you get to meet people, I can't even bang bro.
I mass-message girls with the same text, seems like the way to go for this kind of thing (time saver). I'm getting responses but then again, I'm only 2 days on Okcupid so it may lead to nothing.
I said goood daaaaaaaamn son!
I think we need more info on the dates. How did you dress? What did you try to talk to her about? Did you manage to make her laugh enough? Not saying it should all be on you, but you got a girl TO the date so clearly you aren't some ugly fuck or completely shitty at messaging, but somewhere in a meet up you are dropping the ball. Maybe it's in what you pick to do with them. Bowling in general seems like a no no.
So I'm supposed to possibly have date 3 tonight with the girl to come over to my place. Still up in the air... as I'm waiting on a text reply if she wants to or not. This weekend was hectic for me and I had my birthday, so today I found out she almost had to go to the ER due to dehydration or some such shit. So even if she doesn't want to hang(totally understandable, even though she said she was feeling much better and considering it), I plan to call her to see what happened since I am genuinely concerned.
donkey show
Member
I said goood daaaaaaaamn son!
So I'm supposed to possibly have date 3 tonight with the girl to come over to my place. Still up in the air... as I'm waiting on a text reply if she wants to or not. This weekend was hectic for me and I had my birthday, so today I found out she almost had to go to the ER due to dehydration or some such shit. So even if she doesn't want to hang(totally understandable, even though she said she was feeling much better and considering it), I plan to call her to see what happened since I am genuinely concerned.
If i had a nickel for how many times a guy on here said the girl gave a medical excuse or some other doing the Cupid thing...
Oh I know that song and dance all too well. I'll give people benefit of the doubt depending on how they tell me about it. This girl and I have gone on 2 dates though, she wanted to hang out tonight, when I asked her if she still wanted to even though this happened this weekend she was saying yes unless she feels crappy for some reason tonight.
If she does, fine, I'll call and talk to her, and we'll rain check. I won't sweat it. Now on the other hand if I hear no reply, and some BS tomorrow then I'll probably not buy it, but not hold it against her. She's got a full time job and a 4 year old daughter who needs her time too. I'm not some creep that doesn't understand she wants to take it slow and me not eat up her free time every chance she has it.
Basically, I'll rain check for another night, get stood up on the rain check then I assume I done goofed. Move on like a champ, but I'm very positive about this girl and just how we share a brain frequency, that I don't think she's bull shitting me.
Edit: Blah, do I call her to find out what's up at this point? Texted her at 4 she can come over after 5. It's past 6 now. If she can't hang I still want to have a good evening myself with some walking dead catch up from sunday.
JimtotheHum
Member
I said goood daaaaaaaamn son!
I think we need more info on the dates. How did you dress? What did you try to talk to her about? Did you manage to make her laugh enough? Not saying it should all be on you, but you got a girl TO the date so clearly you aren't some ugly fuck or completely shitty at messaging, but somewhere in a meet up you are dropping the ball. Maybe it's in what you pick to do with them. Bowling in general seems like a no no.
So I'm supposed to possibly have date 3 tonight with the girl to come over to my place. Still up in the air... as I'm waiting on a text reply if she wants to or not. This weekend was hectic for me and I had my birthday, so today I found out she almost had to go to the ER due to dehydration or some such shit. So even if she doesn't want to hang(totally understandable, even though she said she was feeling much better and considering it), I plan to call her to see what happened since I am genuinely concerned.
Yeah, I feel like I am fucking something up. The bowling was her idea on that date. Usually, I just like to meet for drinks. I honestly don't know what is going wrong, especially with this last one, I really thought we had a good time.
The second date I totally understand. There was nothing there, she could feel it, I could feel it. I was just shocked that she came out and said it like that. The first girl was really pretty, and although I thought we had good conversation, I could see that maybe we didn't have as much in common as we thought.
This last date was really like a dagger for me. I honestly thought there was something there. It's super depressing.
JimtotheHum
Member
So the first girl was pretty nice, and still on the site, do you think I should maybe ask her and see if she can give me some good feedback? Or is that a bad idea?
Idk. Based off what just happened to me now I say it is.
The girl I met at the coffee shop after that day, didn't reply to a text. I wait till now to just text her again since I got the hint, but wanted to make sure her phone didn't break or some shit.
I text her hey hey what's up. Get back a, "Hey...who is this?" I reply "Z...ouch. I guess coffee for you wasn't that good even though I had a good time." Something to that regard. Followed it up 15 mins later with "Sorry. I won't text you anymore. I didn't mean to come off annoying. I was just trying to follow up to make sure your phone hadn't broke or something. I had a good time, but I guess it was meh for you. No biggy. Have a good one."
So yeah... that felt awkward.
More so since the girl I was supposed to hang out with tonight did end up bailing. Called her she sounded asleep. She said she'd been sleeping most of the day, and I talked to her for a little bit, and said we can just rain check. Really though... like I said, the rain check I'll shoot for this coming weekend, and if it is a bail, then I'm done and will take the hint. Since she picked up the phone tonight, and legit sounded like death and told me about it, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt for now. :/
Red_taiyaki
Member
Damn, that sucks man. But hey, at least you met them. Last girl I tried to date off OKC was a total flake. Cancelled at the last hour saying she got called into work, texted a bit then never heard from her again after trying to call her twice and leaving a message. Also, it works both ways. I went MIA after one date with a girl and then the one after sent her a message saying that I wasn't feeling it.
Meeting an anime loving girl on Wednesday night after work though. We'll see how this goes.
At least you felt like something was there. Nothing better than trying to force myself to like a girl after three dates just 'cuz I wasn't dating anyone else at the time. BETA MOVE FTW.
Totally depends on the girl if you actually get good feedback. But if you ask in a mannered fashion I don't think it's a bad idea, just be prepared to receive no answer.
I actually did get solid feedback after a rather brief meeting I had recently. Apparently I pretty much skip the whole getting to know somebody phase and jump from "Hi, my name is ..." to nonsensical banter in a matter of seconds.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Well my Skype date ended up lasting 3 hours and 21 minutes. I'd take that as a good sign.
Smutpeddler
Member
I am starting to believe this site isn't for me at all.
I can talk to women no problem in real life, but for whatever reason I can't get replies from sea donkeys on Cupid.
I only have one pic of myself and it is terrible, I understand that could be part of the issue, but could that be all? I mean I understand the opening should be witty, read her profile, generally relate to her. Not sure what I could be doing.
I can talk to women no problem in real life, but for whatever reason I can't get replies from sea donkeys on Cupid.
I only have one pic of myself and it is terrible, I understand that could be part of the issue, but could that be all? I mean I understand the opening should be witty, read her profile, generally relate to her. Not sure what I could be doing.
Well, for one, more pics, and if you have any action shots, that would be better. Take pics of you out and about, running around, that kind of stuff. Sell yourself as being fun to be around.
Also, what you put into your profile is key as well.
Smutpeddler
Member
I wish I had more pics, I'm just not into taking them. Just a hang up of mine.
Yeah I know online dating probably isn't my thing, but the selection of women here in SD is absolutely destroying my ability to see straight.
Yeah I know online dating probably isn't my thing, but the selection of women here in SD is absolutely destroying my ability to see straight.
Red_taiyaki
Member
Then get used to taking pics. I honestly hate doing them too, yet I have around five on my OKC profile of different settings/venues.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
I hate it too so I made all my pics goofy. One is my banana suit Halloween costume.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Yup, got that one covered too.
I hope this girl likes me as much as I like here. I feel like our personalities really match. She's very, very beautiful to boot.
Smutpeddler
Member
well fuck. now I need a costume.
Thanks guys. Gotta fight the fear of pics I suppose. Or just meet women out and about as normal.
Thanks guys. Gotta fight the fear of pics I suppose. Or just meet women out and about as normal.
donkey show
Member
San Diego? I'll trade you cities in a heartbeat. Memories of SDSU. ;__;
Making arrangements for my first date on OKC. My messages tend to be pretty generic and to the point, I even copy pasted some. I know that won't get you the highest success rate but I just do this for girls I'm not hot or cold on. Girls that I'm really interested in I try to factor in their profile. I tend to get a fairly good percentage of replies but it either dries up when I ask them to grab a drink or just for no apparent reason.
This girl I'm hopefully meeting this week looks cute and she had no problem meeting for drinks so that was refreshing. Made out with a girl I go to college with too this week so my confidence is higher than it's been for probably over a year now.
This girl I'm hopefully meeting this week looks cute and she had no problem meeting for drinks so that was refreshing. Made out with a girl I go to college with too this week so my confidence is higher than it's been for probably over a year now.
WascallyWabbit
Member
Nice. Always like a girl who's down for a drink over one who prefers coffee
Burger
Member
It was awkward to read that's for sure.
I didn't think it was possible to block people, just hide them from your search results. Am I wrong?
Red_taiyaki
Member
You can block and hide I believe.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Yep. They had to put in a mechanism for women to stop receiving dick pics from guys who can't accept rejection.
Red_taiyaki
Member
You have to open up your conversation with the guy/girl and there should be two options. "Block him/her" and "Delete All."
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
She didn't say I was awesome back.
Relationship over.In seriousness, saying she was awesome was not the best way to communicate I enjoyed our Skype date last night, but that's how I feel.
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