Red_taiyaki
Member
Last girl I dated for a month, I was texting her non-stop after second date. Whoops >.>...
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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!
- Thread starter AlimNassor
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Last girl I dated for a month, I was texting her non-stop after second date. Whoops >.>...
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
I was trying to work in the flirty talk, but I wasn't getting much feedback. I dunno zlatko, you seem to be the only one who (seriously) thinks there is any point further pursuing this.Send her a picture of your penis. That'll show her!
In all seriousness though, I would try to bounce back from it. Maybe she's shy and wants to take it slow and so when you show up and the hang out is fuck awesome she THEN see's you as more of romantic spark.
I mean up to now has there been flirty talk? Remember at some point you have to say some sorta shit that isn't just friend material in a text or a phone call. Whether that's a compliment on her looks somehow, or turn it around on her, an example would be like:
She texts you what you are up to, you say, " Just got out of the shower. Yes yes I know, Nakey A human Becoming. Quit day dreaming ya perv!...also your hiding spot in the bushes wasn't very discrete. I'm on to you! "
^ Something like that is flirty, not friendish, but not over the line to be taken as woah creeper/sex fiend.
Has there been any flirty chat between you though? If there has, then you need a recovery text like, "Platonic? Well of course. I'm not some cheap floozy you can just take home. You have to buy me a drink first at least!"
That's a decent recovery text. Go there, wow her with your awesomeness, and if at the end she only still see's you as friend material? Oh well. A night out with a good looking girl, some food in your stomach, and hell maybe a friend worth having, or at the least, experience on dates for future girls off OKC.
hypostasis
Banned
Send her a picture of your penis. That'll show her!
In all seriousness though, I would try to bounce back from it. Maybe she's shy and wants to take it slow and so when you show up and the hang out is fuck awesome she THEN see's you as more of romantic spark.
I mean up to now has there been flirty talk? Remember at some point you have to say some sorta shit that isn't just friend material in a text or a phone call. Whether that's a compliment on her looks somehow, or turn it around on her, an example would be like:
She texts you what you are up to, you say, " Just got out of the shower. Yes yes I know, Nakey A human Becoming. Quit day dreaming ya perv!...also your hiding spot in the bushes wasn't very discrete. I'm on to you! "
^ Something like that is flirty, not friendish, but not over the line to be taken as woah creeper/sex fiend.
Has there been any flirty chat between you though? If there has, then you need a recovery text like, "Platonic? Well of course. I'm not some cheap floozy you can just take home. You have to buy me a drink first at least!
That's a decent recovery text. Go there, wow her with your awesomeness, and if at the end she only still see's you as friend material? Oh well. A night out with a good looking girl, some food in your stomach, and hell maybe a friend worth having, or at the least, experience on dates for future girls off OKC.
This seems like a lot of effort for a girl who won't even agree to meet him after a month and who noncommitally insists that the first meeting is to be "platonic" (meanwhile, her saying she'd be "open to it at some point" makes it sound like she doesn't want the meeting to occur at all).
It seems reasonable to assume that in most cases, if a woman wants to share time with you and the feeling is reciprocal, you'll be seeing her within a couple of weeks. Even if this chick does want to "take it slow," our bro here could be spending quality time with more forward women who actually know what they want and who won't string him along week after week.
Looking at things from another perspective - it's not as if you have other women lined up anyway. Therefore, if an opportunity presents itself - might as well take her out. Even though you've already been zoned, it's possible you could meet some of her friends. Expanding your circle in effort to get laid through meeting other girls.
That being said, I wouldn't force the issue. Nor would I pay for her if you guys do end up going out. She already see's you as a friend. Don't let her think of you as a chump too.
That being said, I wouldn't force the issue. Nor would I pay for her if you guys do end up going out. She already see's you as a friend. Don't let her think of you as a chump too.
hypostasis
Banned
Introducing, a Neogaf-inspired strategum for maximizing response rates.
The Five Star Meal
Rate your target's (er...'prospect's') profile 5/5 stars-->Send them the message "Pizza or sushi?"-->Success
Assuming they like what they see profile-wise, they more than likely will respond (My test run evinces a very high success rate for the Five Star Meal, but more data is needed).
Of course, this is just the first step. Perhaps the collective minds of neogaf can accrete enough knowledge such that we have a robust manual of strategies and branching sub-strategies. We might as well systematize the wisdom being dropped here for newer members' benefit. =)
The Five Star Meal
Rate your target's (er...'prospect's') profile 5/5 stars-->Send them the message "Pizza or sushi?"-->Success
Assuming they like what they see profile-wise, they more than likely will respond (My test run evinces a very high success rate for the Five Star Meal, but more data is needed).
Of course, this is just the first step. Perhaps the collective minds of neogaf can accrete enough knowledge such that we have a robust manual of strategies and branching sub-strategies. We might as well systematize the wisdom being dropped here for newer members' benefit. =)
hypostasis
Banned
What opener did you use when reaching out to her? Maybe you can try The Five Star Meal on the next hottie.
that's funny, I was in a similar situation last summer, 26 and 19. I'm not really an age guy, but the more time you spend together, I'm willing to bet the more the age will be an 'issue'. It's not the gap, it's just, 19 year olds are at a very different point in their lives than you are. And plus, it's weird when you meet their friends, just think about going out with a bunch of teenagers lol
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Get a great message from this girl, she's got a kid, just me luck! At least I'm getting messages though after a small profile tweak and a new picture.
Still haven't met the girl I've been messaging for a couple weeks now, our schedules are so incompatible it's crazy. We both want to meet, it sucks
So I went on 2 dates with the first girl I talked to on this site. The dates went well enough that I felt we were dragging them out so they didn't end. Since she has a busy schedule I told her to text me the next time she wanted to go out. It's now 6 days later and haven't heard from her. Between that and the fact she never even made a gesture to split a check I'm not going to talk to her again.
I don't know if its because I'm lazy or that I live near LA but I don't message anyone that lives a half hour, in good traffic, away from me. Anyone else feel the same?
I don't know if its because I'm lazy or that I live near LA but I don't message anyone that lives a half hour, in good traffic, away from me. Anyone else feel the same?
WascallyWabbit
Member
I feel you, gas is expensive
WascallyWabbit
Member
So I messaged this girl with a 99% enemy rating as a joke, but it turns out that the joke's on me...
Here's the rub: I actually hated this b**** back in high school.
Damn, the OKC formula is good hahaha
Here's the rub: I actually hated this b**** back in high school.
Damn, the OKC formula is good hahaha
I think it's more that I don't want to be stuck in traffic for an hour to go on a date with someone I don't even know if I like.
Red_taiyaki
Member
It's mostly why I'm currently trying to date girls in the city where I work. Since I'm obligated to spend 5 days out of the week there, it's not horrible.
...and just for the record I live 45 minutes to 1 hr away from my work one way.
jamesinclair
Banned
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
This. I'm considering taking a hiatus to focus on losing weight and getting a new job.
Wow, 99%. How many questions do you have in common? Also, even if you censor it, that might still get you banned.
jamesinclair
Banned
Why?
These arent facebook profile hidden behind privacy layers....anyone can see the pictures and profile.
Why is there any assumption of privacy?
I'd at least respond with a "Whatever gave you that impression?". Might at least get something educational from the time you invested.
peteykirch
Member
Seriously at times I wonder if I'm cursed...
The same thing happened to me. You were probably a threat which caused him to step is game up. He nuked you.
thesoapster
Member
No it's not. She just saved him a bunch of time and money and emotional investment by doing that. Good on her, I say. Better to have a girl be honest with you like that than try to lead you on.
Seriously at times I wonder if I'm cursed...
Ugh, my man. Stop sending these simp texts/messages. Between this and your "hopeless romantic" gem - they're not a good look. Do not. Press. Send. As soon as you were zoned, you wish her well and move on. By having that mini-metldown - you torpedoed any potential chance you might have with this woman down the road.
peteykirch
Member
Actually if you knew the backstory, you wouldn't be saying that.
When someone professes how interested they are in you, and build up your pysche, like she did, and then bam it's a complete 180 wouldn't you be taken back aghast? Ohh that's right, you wouldn't because you're most likely a boss alpha?
The more I talked to her this morning, I caught her in an awkward spot, because she seems to be only doing this out of sympathy for her friend.
It happens. Next time don't say, "Fuck my Life" though. Just take the high road. If it doesn't work out between them she might give you another shot but a poor attitude may make her think twice.
No one is saying you shouldn't feel bad. But you shouldn't type whatever you're thinking. It's definitely not attractive. If she was that into you, she wouldn't even give her friend the time of day. I doubt she's doing this only for sympathy. It's just what she's telling you to make you feel better.
Seriously at times I wonder if I'm cursed...
That looks ever so familiar in my past situations, there's nothing like being friend-zoned by texts, it blows.peteykirch
Member
I called her out on it, I don't know if she's being honest or what at this point, but it is what it is.
It doesn't matter what she did or how you perceived the situation. When you sent that specific text you were emotionally compromised. Letting your frustration and sadness get the best of you. Thus, it came off as desperation. The most unattractive quality for any man to display towards a woman.
Rule of thumb; You wouldn't spurn or burn your bridges with potential employers, right? Never do the same with single women when you're trying to find a partner / get laid. You never know what can happen down the road.
peteykirch
Member
Coming back to OKC after I long break I realize...I really don't like the women of OKC in my city. The site just attracts super indie hipsters, ones who think they're the best thing ever because they're doing a uni degree, or really dull girls. That's it. Come on, give me some variety or at least less annoying people. Then I go to POF and it's just full of trashy sluts out the other side of the city. I try and force myself to message more but then I think I problably wouldn't even hang out with a person like this let alone date. I wish I was in a bigger US city where there are like 10 times as many choices. I'll keep on the prowl and maybe find a better mix.
Perhaps, but people change.
Think of it this way. You had good chemistry with this girl. Things do not work out with this new John. She re-initiates contact down the road after things don't work out with him. Realizing she ultimately made a mistake she apologizes for it. Surely (assuming you were single) you would pursue your options with her then.
Thus, it's best not to burn any bridges. Me personally? Given that scenario - I'd probably just fuck her brains out and move on. But that's me.
Dude man... you're proving my point. Wearing your emotions on your sleeves. You think you're calling her out on it, but from her side, she probably sees your text as hostile. What she's saying is probably true but my point stands, when he asked her out, she started thinking about him. And she decided that she likes what she sees... more so than the week she spent with you. Believe it or not it does happen... And now there is no way she'll entertain going out with you now.
But it seems that's your goal anyway? In either case, burning bridges is not a good policy. Even if you don't plan on ever dating her, in general women have friends... they talk. It could hurt your chances with future women. However if you were courteous even in defeat it may open more doors in the future... so why do it? From her view it's you showing your true colors and she's relieved to have dodged a bullet.
No one is really arguing this point. It's a matter of how he handled the situation.
Well said. This man gets it.
But as the talking shark said. You burn bridges, you burn options. She may know someone your interested in down the line. End on a good note? He is a nice guy. End on a bad note? He threw a tantrum.
And if she comes back to you. You can either pursue a relationship, sex, or completely reject her. Leaving you with all the power to say.
There is no downside in this case to just saying, best of luck and moving on.
WascallyWabbit
Member
As said many times by the above posters, just leave well enough alone. Don't text/contact her in any way anymore. She made a choice, and it's probably the wrong one if she's waith a dude who will confess his love at the drop of the hat. But it ain't your business any more
Keep calm and carry on, friend.
Keep calm and carry on, friend.
peteykirch
Member
That's why she keeps apologizing to me at the moment?
peteykirch
Member
I haven't sent her anything in over a hour, she keeps texting me apologizing for what happened, and that she didn't intend on "hurting me" she keeps fluffing my ego telling me how great I am, and that a woman better than her truly deserves me.
Agreed with this. I think I misread some of what was posted, because I didn't realize til now that it had been a month of this back and forth. Definitely don't put your eggs in one basket. Having options is always a good thing, so if she doesn't want to put energy into him, then put your energy into other women.
Well if she wasn't even flirty to begin with, then I agree there is no point in pursuing it. If she had been flirty, but is now trying to be reserved I'd at least keep texting once in a while, but also use my energy towards other women.
I meant don't go text crazy on a chick BEFORE you meet her in person. After you go on dates it's all good.
At least in my book. After a date or two that are great and you know you like each other, you'll WANT to text each other often because you can't get enough of each other. ======
Got a "date" today with the gir I like... I think. She wants to just do a low key come over to my place at noon and watch a movie. If I recall right she has plans with her family, so it's cool she found a time to sneak me into her schedule too.
Yeah damn..
I would just respond with "No we will have hot and steamy sexual intercourse and you'll like it".
Count Dookkake
Member
peteykirch: lord douche-chill.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
I was referring to the b word. I should have been more specific.
I told her if that was all she was interested in, I'll pass. I'm not looking for new friends on the site like she is.
You're right, I appreciate the honesty. The truth can hurt.
She keeps apologizing because she still wants the emotional connection. There are a couple of ladies here and there who like to keep emotional sponges (a.k.a. Simps) around them, who tell them that they are great and beautiful, which lets said lady feel great when she's getting laid later that night, especially if her real boyfriend is crappy on all other aspects of the relationship. In that respect, you need to refrain from any contact further with this girl, especially after your texts with her.
Also, please refrain from blowing up at ladies like that. Do not place ladies on a pedestal and put too many expectations onto the courtship. As Devo said in the other Dating thread, "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst." The fact of the matter is that you are going to get rejected. A LOT. When that happens, you let it slide, then it's onto the next one, simple as that. Get your head straight and shake that girl off so you can get back into the game.
Really in the long run you don't stand to gain a damn thing by talking to her anymore. Be a gentleman and just say, "I wish you luck. I hope he treats you great and that it works out."
Or some such nonsense, hell you could just completely cut off communication. Time to regroup and put energy towards other women.
New to this whole thing and I'm not being to seriously about it..
But I'd appreciate it if you guys/girls could let me know what you think about my profile and rate it!
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/ChillSports
But I'd appreciate it if you guys/girls could let me know what you think about my profile and rate it!
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/ChillSports
peteykirch
Member
Which is what I'm tired of, and I'm not doing anymore. I deleted her number, I'm through with her. I just have a hunch she'll come back if this thing doesn't work for her, and she'd give me some excuse about well I had to try it with him, so can we try, but you're totally not that rebound.
Maddocks
Member
exactly. did the right thing.
You might be right; if so act disinterested, if she still keeps trying for you hit-it and make her your side piece (vengeance).
Ignore all txts, phonecalls, tweets and facebook messages. For real.
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