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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!
- Thread starter AlimNassor
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Since joining this website, I've been on 11 dates with 10 girls. Most I'm not interested in, and the ones that I did seem to click with didn't think so themselves.
This website has been good practice, but I'm starting to wonder if I'm just spinning my wheels here. I can only do so many coffee dates for it to only end with a hug and a goodbye. :/
This website has been good practice, but I'm starting to wonder if I'm just spinning my wheels here. I can only do so many coffee dates for it to only end with a hug and a goodbye. :/
Here's a fun experiment to try:
Try as hard as possible not to look at the picture at all. Then read through the profile and decide at the end of that whether or not you'd be interested.
I've come to the conclusion that if there's no effort in the profile, there's no effort in the attempt, which ends up being true a lot of the time. Met quite a few weirdos and a few very nice girls on there.
Moving past that; if the profile doesn't intrigue you, chances are she won't. Also note that not everyone without a picture is hideous or obese. Think of it from a girl's perspective: if it didn't catch her eye, she won't respond. So if it doesn't catch your eye, whether it be from a physical or intellectual perspective, why would you message her?
*edit* To clarify, I'm saying try going for the personality.
Sorry if this is something you've already done, but just food for thought.
jamesinclair
Banned
Dude, we're the same age. Im chatting up two 19 year olds and a 20 year old right now.
Youre no worse than this girl
21 / F / Straight / Single
Im looking for
Guys who like girls
Ages 2940
Red_taiyaki
Member
I totally feel you on this issue. Only girl I've been on three dates with off OKC made me feel like I was dragging my feet through the ground the entire time. NOW GRANTED, real-life dating works the same way. You're going to go through a hell of a lot of dates before you find one someone you connect with. How long have you been on the website for btw?
jamesinclair
Banned
So Im looking at this really hot girl. Smoking hot. Like, I want to put her pics in the "post pics of your gf" page and have GAF be jealous.
But her profile says this
"I've been stalked, physically and mentally beaten and abused, and raped all by three different people at three separate times. I am stronger because of it"
Red flag means swim right?
But her profile says this
"I've been stalked, physically and mentally beaten and abused, and raped all by three different people at three separate times. I am stronger because of it"
Red flag means swim right?
What the hell. I keep having people I'm talking on pof completely disappear, messages and all. Their forums say that only happens if they get deleted from the system because of a tos violation but I had it happen to someone I actually met so I know they weren't a fake account.
I'm confused.
I'm confused.
donkey show
Member
Dive in like a mofo.
Red_taiyaki
Member
Hope you don't get TOO excited over one message bro, mistakes happen when you do that.
Just like me, had a good/decent first date with a girl I met off OKC; had decent chemistry over email. And I might have scared her off by trying TOO hard to setup a second date. Live and let die. I feel that each person I meet offline adds to my development as a person. You learn something new about yourself each time you date someone soooo...BRING ON THE NEXT! (Which to my credit, I emailed six new women yesterday, got four messages back (five if you include one unsolicited). Hooray for batting over .500!)
Frustrated_me
Member
Signed up 2 weeks ago, had my first real date last night. Went well.. Would try again.
Red_taiyaki
Member
Congrats! 2 weeks turnaround time seems to be the ongoing trend when it comes to dating someone offline. Three to four messages + waiting a couple of days before a date = two weeks. Wish it was faster, but meh...whatever.
But ya, took me about two months (?) to get my first online date offline back in 2011. I'm jelly of your skillz.
PoF sucks. But ya, good luck and keep trying to date! It's hard, but fun and well worth the time and effort imo.
Cow Mengde
Banned
Damn, why was he banned? I want to see more funny lines.
Devolution
Member
What was the message?
Diseased Yak
Gold Member
Hey GAF, what's wrong with me: my profile?
Haven't been on there too long, but so far nothing much except messages from corpulent housewives. I'm thinking either A) I'm fairly ugly, B) I somehow come across as too geeky, or C) My profile contains something that I'm missing that's sending women in my area clicking away in horror.
Anyhoo, thanks in advance.
Haven't been on there too long, but so far nothing much except messages from corpulent housewives. I'm thinking either A) I'm fairly ugly, B) I somehow come across as too geeky, or C) My profile contains something that I'm missing that's sending women in my area clicking away in horror.
Anyhoo, thanks in advance.
WascallyWabbit
Member
Don't say you're a nerd, even if you are.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
You seem like a cool, good looking dude, but you're definitely a manchild going by your photos and hobbies, so you just have to deal that most women (especially around your age) aren't looking for that. If you really aren't, shed the references to being a nerd and get photos that don't have you wearing nerd shirts.
Red_taiyaki
Member
Just gave you a 5-star rating, don't see anything inherently wrong with your profile. You have interesting pics and a decent (albeit geeky) summary. Perhaps it's the type of messages you're sending?
Granted, the one thing that REALLY sticks out to me is that you're looking for girls between the ages 20-45. Some girls, at least in my area, who are between 20-25 might be put off a little bit by that. It's really all their preference though so idk.
Diseased Yak
Gold Member
First, thanks for the ratings everyone, I hope that helps, and the helpful and kind words.
Hmm, yeah that one of me with LEGOs probably isn't good. You know I never thought about the age range, I just kinda put that in there. I'll raise it up higher, maybe 30-45? I'm 38 (obviously by my profile) and don't really have a range I'd date, any would be fine, never thought I'd make people cringe because of it. I'll def change that.
I actually want to find a geeky girl, but since that's like less than 1% of women in my area I'm sure, then that's probably leaving a lot of people out. I just didn't want pics of me as I go to work (sport jacket, nice shirts, etc.), figuring they would make me look stuffy. Perhaps a few pics of nerdy shirts interspersed with me dressing like my age? Dunno. I'll play around with it.
Thanks again, everyone.
Edit: Removed calling myself a nerd, changed age range to 30-45 (let me know if that sounds ok), removed pic of me and LEGOs, removed reference to LEGOs in profile, and now I'll get some pics of me looking like something other than a giant fucking geek.
Hmm, yeah that one of me with LEGOs probably isn't good. You know I never thought about the age range, I just kinda put that in there. I'll raise it up higher, maybe 30-45? I'm 38 (obviously by my profile) and don't really have a range I'd date, any would be fine, never thought I'd make people cringe because of it. I'll def change that.
I actually want to find a geeky girl, but since that's like less than 1% of women in my area I'm sure, then that's probably leaving a lot of people out. I just didn't want pics of me as I go to work (sport jacket, nice shirts, etc.), figuring they would make me look stuffy. Perhaps a few pics of nerdy shirts interspersed with me dressing like my age? Dunno. I'll play around with it.
Thanks again, everyone.
Edit: Removed calling myself a nerd, changed age range to 30-45 (let me know if that sounds ok), removed pic of me and LEGOs, removed reference to LEGOs in profile, and now I'll get some pics of me looking like something other than a giant fucking geek.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
It's because cocky and funny works. Dudes are so coy on this site. It's hilarious.
Red_taiyaki
Member
I'm using two variations.
One is "cake or pie." But yes, essentially...same shit.
I also tried, "favorite ramen shop, go." <---profile dependent
Both worked for me. We'll see how the follow-ups go. Trying to use my own modified variation of "tl;dr limit your response to five characters or less" yadda yadda.
Cow Mengde
Banned
Really, you guys just asked pizza or sushi? That's interesting. Gotta experiment with this stuff.
orientalNoodle
Banned
After the first date, when should I text her back saying that I had a good time and arrange the second date?
Devolution
Member
It's short enough in the message list that you can see the whole question and like I mentioned before when you're getting long sonnets or "U R PRETTY", it stands out.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
It's confident, direct, short, and easy to respond to. It gets past all the introductory bullshit and tells her you know what you want and how to get it.
I have a couple of friends that have been online dating for years, and a common complaint/theme is that dudes do not know how to get what they want. Either they can't decide on a good date and rely on the girl to make the plans, or they start getting more physical and the guy is uncomfortable and not leading. Confidence is so important.
Red_taiyaki
Member
Don't text, call.
Only text you should write to her is, "I had a fun time meeting up with you yesterday. Enjoy the rest of your day."
Future Foundation
Member
What is this "pizza/sushi" message I'm hearing/reading about?
So update to my situation:
Girl I like that "I'm seeing," is amazing. Had a date last night. She came over, we made cookies, then went out to eat a steak dinner, had really deep personal conversation about our families(skeletons in the closet), and when we got back here we cuddled up a bit for 30 minutes. She fall asleep which was pretty cute I won't lie, and then I had to wake her to send her on her way unfortunately haha. Walked her to her car, kiss good night, and we're hanging out again this Saturday.
Saturday's hang out I'm slightly nervous about as I feel there's only 2 things really that could screw this up as a long lasting relationships. 1) Is the sex needs to be damn good. She's told me flat out if there isn't sexual chemistry with guys it doesn't work. I'm not too worried about this as my last G/F and I did plenty to figure out how to get her off(to where I can do it everytime), and they both get off in the same means, so I think I'll rock her world...but ya never know.
2) I meet her daughter this weekend too. I'll be like I am with my nieces, and don't have any worries about my interaction methods with children, but I am worried that she could just hate me for whatever reason. If that was the case, then I'd be shit outta luck I'm pretty sure in the long run.
I feel confident that this will go the distance as she has also made concrete plans to have me come with her for a vacation in the end of April to a wedding out in Arizona. I'd meet her dad and some friends, and it'd be a road trip with her daughter too. The last 3 days we'd bring back the kiddo to her mom, and then spend the 3 days at a cabin retreat she has. That and she made plans with me to do a run event that I signed up for and helped register a bunch of my friends and co workers as well to.
Am I almost in the clear guys? I think so. I don't think this hang out coming up I'll run the risk of making it official, but the time after that I will probably bring it up...which is another thing that makes me nervous as she seems to want to take it slow, but her actions throw me off. She can be hard to read.
Girl I like that "I'm seeing," is amazing. Had a date last night. She came over, we made cookies, then went out to eat a steak dinner, had really deep personal conversation about our families(skeletons in the closet), and when we got back here we cuddled up a bit for 30 minutes. She fall asleep which was pretty cute I won't lie, and then I had to wake her to send her on her way unfortunately haha. Walked her to her car, kiss good night, and we're hanging out again this Saturday.
Saturday's hang out I'm slightly nervous about as I feel there's only 2 things really that could screw this up as a long lasting relationships. 1) Is the sex needs to be damn good. She's told me flat out if there isn't sexual chemistry with guys it doesn't work. I'm not too worried about this as my last G/F and I did plenty to figure out how to get her off(to where I can do it everytime), and they both get off in the same means, so I think I'll rock her world...but ya never know.
2) I meet her daughter this weekend too. I'll be like I am with my nieces, and don't have any worries about my interaction methods with children, but I am worried that she could just hate me for whatever reason. If that was the case, then I'd be shit outta luck I'm pretty sure in the long run.
I feel confident that this will go the distance as she has also made concrete plans to have me come with her for a vacation in the end of April to a wedding out in Arizona. I'd meet her dad and some friends, and it'd be a road trip with her daughter too. The last 3 days we'd bring back the kiddo to her mom, and then spend the 3 days at a cabin retreat she has. That and she made plans with me to do a run event that I signed up for and helped register a bunch of my friends and co workers as well to.
Am I almost in the clear guys? I think so. I don't think this hang out coming up I'll run the risk of making it official, but the time after that I will probably bring it up...which is another thing that makes me nervous as she seems to want to take it slow, but her actions throw me off. She can be hard to read.
Red_taiyaki
Member
So update to my situation:
Girl I like that "I'm seeing," is amazing. Had a date last night. She came over, we made cookies, then went out to eat a steak dinner, had really deep personal conversation about our families(skeletons in the closet), and when we got back here we cuddled up a bit for 30 minutes. She fall asleep which was pretty cute I won't lie, and then I had to wake her to send her on her way unfortunately haha. Walked her to her car, kiss good night, and we're hanging out again this Saturday.
Saturday's hang out I'm slightly nervous about as I feel there's only 2 things really that could screw this up as a long lasting relationships. 1) Is the sex needs to be damn good. She's told me flat out if there isn't sexual chemistry with guys it doesn't work. I'm not too worried about this as my last G/F and I did plenty to figure out how to get her off(to where I can do it everytime), and they both get off in the same means, so I think I'll rock her world...but ya never know.
2) I meet her daughter this weekend too. I'll be like I am with my nieces, and don't have any worries about my interaction methods with children, but I am worried that she could just hate me for whatever reason. If that was the case, then I'd be shit outta luck I'm pretty sure in the long run.
I feel confident that this will go the distance as she has also made concrete plans to have me come with her for a vacation in the end of April to a wedding out in Arizona. I'd meet her dad and some friends, and it'd be a road trip with her daughter too. The last 3 days we'd bring back the kiddo to her mom, and then spend the 3 days at a cabin retreat she has. That and she made plans with me to do a run event that I signed up for and helped register a bunch of my friends and co workers as well to.
Am I almost in the clear guys? I think so. I don't think this hang out coming up I'll run the risk of making it official, but the time after that I will probably bring it up...which is another thing that makes me nervous as she seems to want to take it slow, but her actions throw me off. She can be hard to read.
The first rule of dating: never assume anything.
WascallyWabbit
Member
So update to my situation:
Girl I like that "I'm seeing," is amazing. Had a date last night. She came over, we made cookies, then went out to eat a steak dinner, had really deep personal conversation about our families(skeletons in the closet), and when we got back here we cuddled up a bit for 30 minutes. She fall asleep which was pretty cute I won't lie, and then I had to wake her to send her on her way unfortunately haha. Walked her to her car, kiss good night, and we're hanging out again this Saturday.
Saturday's hang out I'm slightly nervous about as I feel there's only 2 things really that could screw this up as a long lasting relationships. 1) Is the sex needs to be damn good. She's told me flat out if there isn't sexual chemistry with guys it doesn't work. I'm not too worried about this as my last G/F and I did plenty to figure out how to get her off(to where I can do it everytime), and they both get off in the same means, so I think I'll rock her world...but ya never know.
2) I meet her daughter this weekend too. I'll be like I am with my nieces, and don't have any worries about my interaction methods with children, but I am worried that she could just hate me for whatever reason. If that was the case, then I'd be shit outta luck I'm pretty sure in the long run.
I feel confident that this will go the distance as she has also made concrete plans to have me come with her for a vacation in the end of April to a wedding out in Arizona. I'd meet her dad and some friends, and it'd be a road trip with her daughter too. The last 3 days we'd bring back the kiddo to her mom, and then spend the 3 days at a cabin retreat she has. That and she made plans with me to do a run event that I signed up for and helped register a bunch of my friends and co workers as well to.
Am I almost in the clear guys? I think so. I don't think this hang out coming up I'll run the risk of making it official, but the time after that I will probably bring it up...which is another thing that makes me nervous as she seems to want to take it slow, but her actions throw me off. She can be hard to read.
I feel like if she's making plans introducing you to her daughter and family, she's feeling the "official" title. But I don't think you need to put it out there immediately. Have sex first, definitely, it seems like sexual chemistry is important to both of you so don't label it yet
quit scaring him, Red_taiyaki! (but he's not wrong)
That's true. The reason I have a hard time reading her like I said is... as she described she is "dating retarded." A lot of me feels for her, her feelings are expressed by actions, and that she is put off by her trying to express her feelings with words.
A lot of women will compliment me with me being cute, handsome, sexy, etc. Let me know things like how happy they are around me, yadda yadda. So the words don't leave room for guess work.
I just know that from the information I have gathered though about her and guys, I could be doing myself a huge disservice to press the issue. I don't think it's a giant leap or assumption that a girl who kisses me, makes time to spend with me, and wants to do a 12 hour road trip with me for me to meet her father,friends, and daughter is somehow not into me.
----
Oh and as a side note to the women compliments there was one other girl I was still texting before I hung out with her yesterday, but the day before yesterday I had to cut it out. She was super flirty and we were trying to line up schedules on when to hang out. Well this weekend was going to be that, but after the last 2 dates with the girl I like I knew I couldn't. Told her nicely hey I like this person, sorry we couldn't hang out sooner, I don't want to lead you on, I'm sorry I'm a douche canoe, etc etc.
What did I get back? No anger at all! The girl told me that if it doesn't work out with her I should get a hold of her ASAP instead lol. I was sort of blown away by that, but sort of I guess weirded out that someone was okay with being a , "#2 choice." I mean I wouldn't see it that way if shit did blow up in my face with the girl I like and I wanted to get back to talking to other women, but I can see how others feel 2nd class to someone else in this particular situation.
Girl I had to stop texting is a model too, and a lot of fun to talk to, but she doesn't talk to me about anime for 20 minutes at dinner.
WascallyWabbit
Member
^^ Damn it zltako, turning down models, go fuck yourself
just kidding. I hope it works out with girl no. 1
*shrug* I'm by no means the best looking dude on the plant either, but I am definitely above average when it comes to socializing so if the girls on these sites give me a chance with a reply I have a 9/10 success rate to get a date/texting.
Just go in with a you don't give a fuck attitude and message anyone who you find attractive. That's what I did. Turns out a lot of the girls I think look good, also have high percentage matches.
WascallyWabbit
Member
^^There any worries with her baby-daddy? That would give me pause. Even if all else was going well
I would only date a girl with a kid if there was no baby daddy drama.
He has only seen the daughter once. He tried to get back with her after the girl was born saying he'd be around for her if she'd be with him again. When she told him not a chance in hell, he has been a ghost. Lives several states away, pays child support I believe, but has no contact whatsoever.
WascallyWabbit
Member
I would only date a girl with a kid if there was no baby daddy drama.
He has only seen the daughter once. He tried to get back with her after the girl was born saying he'd be around for her if she'd be with him again. When she told him not a chance in hell, he has been a ghost. Lives several states away, pays child support I believe, but has no contact whatsoever.
Cool, it's good that you guys know each other's baggage and are cool with it. Seems like you don't need too much advice. Just go with the flow with it, I think your instincts/knowledge of this girl will let you know when the moment is right to ask her if it's "official"
Devolution
Member
Came from this.
Other posters have used it to great effect.
Yeah agreed. Not my first rodeo by any means for dating someone, but I do feel now that I'm older when I do pick someone I want to make it official with it's only because I feel a super strong connection that can go the distance.
That of course has me have moments of second guessing myself, because I don't want to screw it up. Something about this girl in particular has me on my toes to make sure I'm the best version of myself when I'm around her. It takes no extra effort either... I just somehow am.
Devolution
Member
Don't underestimate love.
:/
They should make it a point to tell you whoever spent a dollar to send you a message so you know not to reply.
She mentioned Arrested Development in her profile, so I made an "analrapist" joke. She sent me her number already, only after 1 message. gawd damn, feels good man. It's a little late though, so I'll text her tomorrow.
Eh, I call myself a geek in my profile and don't have any problems. There are definitely people out there looking for that geek/nerd 'type', but I guess it does depend on your age.
Oh yeah? Well I sent someone a message that her cat looked stoned and asked if he had a drug problem and she sent back a reply with a word I had to look up the definition for.
Feels bad man.
Nonplussed! That's not a word and I don't care if its in the dictionary either.
orientalNoodle
Banned
Man i suck at dating. 3rd time where I failed after first date. First time, the girl replied with a short message and politely decline any further date. The next 2 dates both never reply back. I only sent one msg out the dat after saying that I had a good time so it is not like I bombarded them with txt asking for second date. Maybe I didn't compliment them or know how to flirt or something. This is pretty disappointing.
donkey show
Member
What started as a canceled date from an okcupid lady ended up with two girls snoring like crazy in my bed. :S
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