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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!

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W

WriterGK

Member
Trez said:
I knew I messaged her ;)
Yes, and I will :)

I never did get a reply, maybe you'll have more luck.
She lookes nice, who knows.
Click to expand...

Yeah who knows indeed. But probably not. So far the ones that say above it reply's very selectively is indeed true. But I just keep on messaging. Last few weeks this plus an other dating site was mostly my main game. But that's because I have been having headaches almost every single day last few weeks.
Tonight in a few hours I am going out again so this will be my second thing again.

But to be more ontopic. I just sended someone without a picture a message.
Her profile says Anything by Haruki Murakami.

So I sended something like Haruki Murakami is my favorite writer. 2 of his book are in my all time favorite top 5. Can you guess which one's?
 
T

Trez

Neo Member
WriterGK said:
Yeah who knows indeed. But probably not. So far the ones that say above it reply's very selectively is indeed true. But I just keep on messaging. Last few weeks this plus an other dating site was mostly my main game. But that's because I have been having headaches almost every single day last few weeks.
Tonight in a few hours I am going out again so this will be my second thing again.

But to be more ontopic. I just sended someone without a picture a message.
Her profile says Anything by Haruki Murakami.

So I sended something like Haruki Murakami is my favorite writer. 2 of his book are in my all time favorite top 5. Can you guess which one's?
Click to expand...

I'm still wading through the bisexual's at my matches list, apparantly we Dutchmen have quite alot of them.
Nothing wrong with it ofc, but not my type.

The headaches thing sucks, hope you get rid of them!
Good luck tonight though.
My turn's tomorrow.
 
I

Invisible Man

aka SexyNerd
Good to hear things are finally going your way Lee!

As for me, I have a date tonight with a girl from POF that I've been texting and skyping with for about three weeks. We're going to go see Silver Linings Playbook as we both haven't seen it yet.
 
K

Kilrogg

paid requisite penance
Leeness said:
I JUST WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW.

I had a successful date yesterday! :D And it was honestly perfect. I don't know if anything will come of it (he says he's not a "relationship kind of guy") or maybe we'll just be friends or I dunno. But it was a good day yesterday.

FINALLY.
Click to expand...

Nice! Congrats to you.
 
Jzero

Jzero

Member
It's crazy how so many girls (probably dudes) are using images of other girls from Tumblr
KuGsj.gif
 
A

Az987

all good things
Leeness said:
I JUST WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW.

I had a successful date yesterday! :D And it was honestly perfect. I don't know if anything will come of it (he says he's not a "relationship kind of guy") or maybe we'll just be friends or I dunno. But it was a good day yesterday.

FINALLY.
Click to expand...

:)
 
Maddocks

Maddocks

Member
grap3fruitman said:
How many times do I have to fail before I succeed?
Click to expand...

Dont think of it as failing, this of it as character building.

Even then, don't fear failure. If it was easy, it wouldn't be worth doing. I have failed many many many many times. I have Put my soul into messages and dates and have came up short a number of times. But its just part of a process. Don't give up or settle or view it negative.
 
M

maxxpower

Member
grap3fruitman said:
I don't see how being neglected by the opposite sex for a lifetime builds character. And if I was afraid of failure, I wouldn't do it so often.
Click to expand...

I know that feel dude. But he is right though about it helping build character, and by character I mean not giving a shit if a girl rejects you, just keep trying, there's so many more women out there.
 
G

grap3fruitman

Banned
Like I said, I'm not afraid of rejection. It's quite the opposite. At the unlikely chance that a woman would show any interest in me, I wouldn't know what to do.
 
D

dralla

Member
grap3fruitman said:
Like I said, I'm not afraid of rejection. It's quite the opposite. At the unlikely chance that a woman would show any interest in me, I wouldn't know what to do.
Click to expand...

What do you mean exactly, "what to do", just..talk to them? Get to know them? See where it goes. There's really not much to it.
 
M

Mystic Theurge

Member
Just got back home from meeting up with a guy.

Tell me, is it normal for people to want to be friends first before progressing to a relationship or is that just a cop out?
 
S

Smiley90

Stop shitting on my team. Start shitting on my finger.
I'm confused, has it happened to you guys before that one evening you're sending messaged back and forth nicely, it's all going well, and then the next day(s) just... nothing? It's happened twice now, one time I was the last one to send a message before we both went to bed, the other time it was her. When it was her I sent another message the next day to pick up where we left off, but in both instances there was just nothing happening.

Is this some weird coincidence and I should just wait longer (although my messages have been seen/they've been on since), or should I have gone on way more aggressively before going to sleep or what? I'm confused.
 
Maddocks

Maddocks

Member
Mystic Theurge said:
Just got back home from meeting up with a guy.

Tell me, is it normal for people to want to be friends first before progressing to a relationship or is that just a cop out?
Click to expand...

I think it varies from person to person. I personally want to be friends before progressing into a relationship. If we make good friends, we will be a pretty good couple. Others don't want that, they go right into relationship only incase things don't work out its easy to drop contact.
 
K

kai3345

Banned
Met this girl I'd been texting for the past few weeks for lunch today as our first meeting. On campus pizza shop, nothing crazy. We were there for a little over an hour talking about school, music, SXSW. I'd say it went pretty well
 
D

dralla

Member
Smiley90 said:
I'm confused, has it happened to you guys before that one evening you're sending messaged back and forth nicely, it's all going well, and then the next day(s) just... nothing? It's happened twice now, one time I was the last one to send a message before we both went to bed, the other time it was her. When it was her I sent another message the next day to pick up where we left off, but in both instances there was just nothing happening.

Is this some weird coincidence and I should just wait longer (although my messages have been seen/they've been on since), or should I have gone on way more aggressively before going to sleep or what? I'm confused.
Click to expand...

You have to remember you're not the only person she's talking to. If you think it's going well, be aggressive and either get her number or ask for a meet up. If she says no she probably wasn't feeling you anyway.
 
S

Smiley90

Stop shitting on my team. Start shitting on my finger.
dralla said:
You have to remember you're not the only person she's talking to. If you think it's going well, be aggressive and either get her number or ask for a meet up. If she says no she probably wasn't feeling you anyway.
Click to expand...

Well like I said I THOUGHT it was going well, but now no message is slightly confusing me. And not sure if I should write again already without a response or give it more time.
 
A

Ashodin

Member
grap3fruitman said:
Another lovely piece of non-advice from NeoGAF. How unexpected.
Click to expand...

Dude. You can't keep asking for advice, and then whining about why things don't work when you don't follow it. You also can't keep being a dick towards us when we are clearly trying to help you. We're talking to a brick wall here.
 
M

Mystic Theurge

Member
Maddocks said:
I think it varies from person to person. I personally want to be friends before progressing into a relationship. If we make good friends, we will be a pretty good couple. Others don't want that, they go right into relationship only incase things don't work out its easy to drop contact.
Click to expand...

How does that work exactly?

Do you become friends with someone, suddenly realize that you like them that at some point, and then ask them out?

Or do you find that you like someone, become their friend, and then at some point in the future, ask them out?

I don't get the last one. Maybe I'm working under a different definition of friend, but it actually seems like a route taken when you don't like the person at the moment but feel like you could in the future.

Like if someone said to me "I don't want to date you now, but I could." My response would be "Why should I wait on a could?"

Someone enlighten me, please.
 
Maddocks

Maddocks

Member
Mystic Theurge said:
How does that work exactly?

Do you become friends with someone, suddenly realize that you like them that at some point, and then ask them out?

Or do you find that you like someone, become their friend, and then at some point in the future, ask them out?

I don't get the last one. Maybe I'm working under a different definition of friend, but it actually seems like a route taken when you don't like the person at the moment but feel like you could in the future.

Like if someone said to me "I don't want to date you now, but I could." My response would be "Why should I wait on a could?"

Someone enlighten me, please.
Click to expand...

For me its pretty much a long dating process. So the dates are just hang out and going out as friends. With no label attached and no romantic things attached to it. Just simple hanging out getting to know each other, becoming friends and then ask to take it to the next level of well I know you better as a person, so do you want to go out on actual dates to see how we work out with romantic intentions?

if that goes well, then we become a couple. Its not conventional at all, usually people go directly into the dating process and skip the friend aspect. But for me I find myself becoming more comfortable with the person and trusting the person more. Lots of times I go out with a girl and we just don't click as people. Other times we click very well as people but we can tell we wouldn't like to be together as a couple but like each others company so we can be friends.
 
G

grap3fruitman

Banned
Ashodin said:
Dude. You can't keep asking for advice, and then whining about why things don't work when you don't follow it.
Click to expand...
What advice was I given? This?

dralla said:
Well maybe you should get yourself sorted out before jumping into dating?
Click to expand...
What kind of advice is that? What the heck is that? What does it even mean? Could it possibly be more vague?

Ashodin said:
You also can't keep being a dick towards us when we are clearly trying to help you. We're talking to a brick wall here.
Click to expand...
I'm being a dick because you guys don't have a clue but give advice anyway and I've wasted years of my life as a result. Why shouldn't I be bitter?

If I had cut myself and was bleeding to death you'd tell me to throw some newspaper you found in the street to cover the wound. Then you'd get upset that I'd say that would give me an infection that would either kill me or result in said limb being amputated. That's the kind of advice I've gotten from here, except more vague.
 
D

dralla

Member
dude it's an online dating thread, what the hell do you want? If you want 'advice' about your personal well-being go make a thread and go into detail about exactly what's going on and maybe people can get a better understanding of the situation.
 
D

Darklord

Banned
grap3fruitman said:
I'm being a dick because you guys don't have a clue but give advice anyway and I've wasted years of my life as a result. Why shouldn't I be bitter?

If I had cut myself and was bleeding to death you'd tell me to throw some newspaper you found in the street to cover the wound. Then you'd get upset that I'd say that would give me an infection that would either kill me or result in said limb being amputated. That's the kind of advice I've gotten from here, except more vague.
Click to expand...

First off, acting like a bitch and all bitter cannot be a bigger turn off for a woman so get rid of that shit right now. Secondly, stop taking it so personally. Third, post your profile and/or messages you've sent so we can give proper advice.

If you came up to us and was bleeding to death but all you did was scream and cry and no one knew what was even wrong, yeah, we wouldn't be much help.
 
M

Mystic Theurge

Member
Maddocks said:
For me its pretty much a long dating process. So the dates are just hang out and going out as friends. With no label attached and no romantic things attached to it. Just simple hanging out getting to know each other, becoming friends and then ask to take it to the next level of well I know you better as a person, so do you want to go out on actual dates to see how we work out with romantic intentions?

if that goes well, then we become a couple. Its not conventional at all, usually people go directly into the dating process and skip the friend aspect. But for me I find myself becoming more comfortable with the person and trusting the person more. Lots of times I go out with a girl and we just don't click as people. Other times we click very well as people but we can tell we wouldn't like to be together as a couple but like each others company so we can be friends.
Click to expand...

Thanks for your responses, Maddocks. They are helpful. A couple more questions though.

Don't you have romantic intentions already? I mean assuming that you contacted the person. Do you suppress them or something?

Further, do you expect the person to wait on you?
 
N

NihonTiger90

Member
Leeness said:
I JUST WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW.

I had a successful date yesterday! :D And it was honestly perfect. I don't know if anything will come of it (he says he's not a "relationship kind of guy") or maybe we'll just be friends or I dunno. But it was a good day yesterday.

FINALLY.
Click to expand...

Congrats, Lee! This is great news and I hope things keep going well. Definitely keep taking it slow and see how things progress. I've been telling this to another friend of mine, too; the worst thing you can possibly do is lose your common sense because that's when mistakes get made. I know this all too well, lol.
 
L

Liu Kang Baking A Pie

Member
grap3fruitman said:
What kind of advice is that? What the heck is that? What does it even mean? Could it possibly be more vague?
Click to expand...
It makes perfect fucking sense to anyone that doesn't have the social and personal skills of a lump of shit. If you don't know what self-improvement is, you've never done it, and it explains why no one likes you.

You've done this "you're all being vague, thanks for nothing" post a few times already. At some point you have to realize the only problem here is you, because everyone else gets it and is getting along fine.
 
M

Mr Solo Dolo

Member
This seems like the right thread to vent this out in.

So I've been seeing this girl for a few weeks now and we made plans to go out tonight as I'm selling my car so wouldn't be able to see her (she doesn't drive and I can't get a bus to hers) for a while until my new car is ready.

Late last night I got message basically saying "your going to hate me but I cant see you tomorrow I'm sorry xxxx" I replied back saying "okay xxxx" which was a bit of a dick reply, again she replied saying sorry which I thought was weird. I replied back saying it was fine and I was starting to feel like a pest not taking the hint any ways (I do seem to start the conversation and her replies are normally short or just a smile) It was nice meeting her and she shouldn't care what people think about her Tourettes (she is self conscious and she was worried I wouldn't want to meet her because of it but tbh It doesn't bother me in the slightest) if they cant see past it it's their loss, I then closed on inside joke about her dancing and singing to Daft Punk in my car.

I got a reply this afternoon saying I'm not being a pest, she really wanted to see me tonight and she feels comfortable around me with her Tourettes. I've not replied I don't know what to say. The big thing playing on my mind is her liking stuff her ex has put on Facebook recently and her putting a status up about wondering how things would be if they ended differently or didn't end at all.

tl;dr

Women
 
S

SeanR1221

Member
grap3fruitman said:
What advice was I given? This?


What kind of advice is that? What the heck is that? What does it even mean? Could it possibly be more vague?


I'm being a dick because you guys don't have a clue but give advice anyway and I've wasted years of my life as a result. Why shouldn't I be bitter?

If I had cut myself and was bleeding to death you'd tell me to throw some newspaper you found in the street to cover the wound. Then you'd get upset that I'd say that would give me an infection that would either kill me or result in said limb being amputated. That's the kind of advice I've gotten from here, except more vague.
Click to expand...

It means your personality stinks and you need to change that before thinking anyone will want to be with you.

Here's your first tip. Self loathing is a turn off for women.
 
L

Liu Kang Baking A Pie

Member
This is the guy that literally told a woman something like "well I'm out of stuff to talk about, any ideas?"

You seriously need to do so much work on yourself. I mean, apart from not even knowing how to talk to people, if you don't have anything to say to someone, why would you even care about her?
 
D

dralla

Member
shit, this is gonna be an interesting night. meeting 2 girls, back to back. First girl I think we're gonna go play pool, but the second girl is kinda boring, she wants to sit in dunkin donuts and talk, ughh, that's just not my ideal situation for a first meet up. I suggested a small netflix marathon on my place but she said no, which is understandable, but yea...looks like it's gonna be a pretty standard 'coffee date'
 
V

vatstep

This poster pulses with an appeal so broad the typical restraints of our societies fall by the wayside.
LegendX48 said:
Eh, don't see anything wrong with a standard "coffee date," she's probably just shy or something
Click to expand...
Me neither, but Dunkin' Donuts is kind of depressing — it's just such a bleak place. At least go to a nice cafe or something.
 
Maddocks

Maddocks

Member
Mystic Theurge said:
Thanks for your responses, Maddocks. They are helpful. A couple more questions though.

Don't you have romantic intentions already? I mean assuming that you contacted the person. Do you suppress them or something?

Further, do you expect the person to wait on you?
Click to expand...

On okc, I have my looking for set to, "new friends" So its clear from the start what my goal is. Just to have fun and and go out to places with another person. My plans with them are usually just me inviting them to places I would already be doing. I like classical music, so I would invite them to a concert. If they say no, then it's no big deal because I already had plans to go anyway with or without them.

It also leads to not being upset if they flake or say no. If you are asking a person out on a date and they say no, its pretty much game over. If you ask a friend to hang out and they say no, its no big deal, see you next week.

Id say the friend and date, not date process takes about a month. To me that feels like an eternity in the dating world, when its not really that long in retrospect. I don't ask them to wait for me or drop other people. I find that people will rush or demand to much to fast and ruin themselves. So when they see how calm and slow I take it, they know I'm serious about building something with them and it helps me. It took many a moon, but I have finally grasped that there are many single people out there and if I lose one, its not a big deal. Many fish in the sea. Ramble mode,off lol
 
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