Hey all, I'm gonna subject myself to the critics of GAF, come at me
Profile-thing
I'm having a feeling I should cut some info out, seems a bit too wordy for me or something, anyone care to help me out?
Hello there. I'm in a rehabilitation program for Grammar Nazis and am now using my power for good:
Note: insertions for grammaticality's sake are in bold
1. My self-summary
-"though I spent my childhood in Japan, still debating whether to call myself Japanese or from the US due to it." This sounds rather awkward. I'd reformulate the constituent thoughts into two sentences as follows: "I was born in California, though I spent my childhood in Japan. As a result, I'm still debating whether to call myself Japanese or American" or some such.
-"I'd like to think
of myself as open-minded and a critical thinker but...."
2. What I'm doing with my life
-"Studying at a university in the process of obtainining a Computer Information Systems BA degree and in the process of finding a job." Scrap this entirely. Here's the same conjunctive thought, expressed coherently: "In the process of obtaining a B.A. in Computer Information Systems and trying to find a job."
-"my ideal career would be a creative writer in the video game industry." This clause needs to be its own sentence; as is, its current position creates a run-on sentence.
-"Most of my free time consists of hanging out with friends,
playing video games, and watching shows."
3. Favorites section
-"I'm a fan of many games
, [insert comma] though I prefer RPG
s [or 's]"
-"Shows: A few animes (comes with being asian), Game of Thrones, Adventure Time, Mythbusters." Stop liking anime (just kidding)
4. I spend a lot of time thinking about
-'thinking about life in general' is an all but meaningless expression; plug in something more concrete to give the reader an idea of what you're on about (e.g., 'the meaning of life' or whatever the case may be)
5. The most private thing I'm willing to admit
-"Well then, it wouldn't be private now would it? Haha." This is a very generic answer, and one that is a bit too common. Use this section to display a bit of creativity.
6. I'm looking for
-"Age 18-22" Expand your range (upward!) so that you don't preclude the possibility of meeting someone who is a bit older yet a great match; expanding into Milf-tastic territory may be of benefit as well.
-"For new friends" What the fuark? Are you really only looking for friends? F*ck bro, I'm trying to help fellow gaffers get mushpot! Oh well; adjust the above advise as needed.
7. You should message me if
-"or the occasional intellectual/philosophical di
scussion."
-"Though I do enjoy indoor activities
, [insert comma] I blah blah blah"