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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!

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M

-Mikey-

Member
electricshake said:
Kissing: if I made it to a third date or later without a kiss I would be seriously worried that the guy wasn't attracted to me. If it's going well I generally kiss on the first date but I'm ok with taking the initiative if he seems interested. Obviously other girls are different but you don't want to wait too long.

Curvy: I hate that this basically means fat now because I am legitimately curvy without being fat but I'd never put it on my profile because of the connotations. Had to settle for average. Damn you fatties!
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I really need to take this advice. I didn't go in for a kiss even though I thought I should on a second date. That was about 3 weeks ago now. Live and learn I suppose. Doesn't help that I didn't date during my teens. Fuck, who knows when I'll get another date! : /
 
M

Mr_Antimatter

Member
I actually met my fiance on that site about a year and a half ago. Was like the, I dunno, second or third girl I met on the site.

Hit it off day one, and never really looked back.
 
D

donkey show

Member
Riding a super high right now. Met this girl from okc basically about a week ago and had two awesome dates so far with the second one last Saturday ending in an unexpected makeout session in the street. We were setting up the third date on Skype tonight and we both admitted we were really into each other, if the kissing didn't evidence that already. xD Definitely lucked out since she's pretty much my ideal lady. So glad I have a car sometimes.
 
W

WascallyWabbit

Member
donkey show said:
Riding a super high right now. Met this girl from okc basically about a week ago and had two awesome dates so far with the second one last Saturday ending in an unexpected makeout session in the street. We were setting up the third date on Skype tonight and we both admitted we were really into each other, if the kissing didn't evidence that already. xD Definitely lucked out since she's pretty much my ideal lady. So glad I have a car sometimes.
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Nice job, mate. You're in the UK, right? I remember giving you a rating before, kinda feel like I had a tiny (and I do mean TINY) hand in this. Good luck!
 
D

donkey show

Member
WascallyWabbit said:
Nice job, mate. You're in the UK, right? I remember giving you a rating before, kinda feel like I had a tiny (and I do mean TINY) hand in this. Good luck!
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Haha, it's totally appreciated. :p Yeah, I'm in the UK. It's been kinda tough on the site since not being white on the UK side kinda has odds stacked against me haha, but I've had some good times from it so far. :)

Now to tell this other girl I've kinda been seeing from the site for awhile but didn't really get too involved with... :S

On another funny note, the girl I'm into was sharing messages she got from dudes on OKC with me. Holy shit, some people are fucking weird with crazy long essays about them being white knights and all that jazz. Sometimes it was like a crown of sonnets. xD
 
W

WascallyWabbit

Member
donkey show said:
Haha, it's totally appreciated. :p Yeah, I'm in the UK. It's been kinda tough on the site since not being white on the UK side kinda has odds stacked against me haha, but I've had some good times from it so far. :)

Now to tell this other girl I've kinda been seeing from the site for awhile but didn't really get too involved with... :S
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I feel you, I'm an Asian dude living in Texas. Though I should feel lucky to be in Dallas and not somewhere like El Paso or something.

I wouldn't necessarily break it off with this other girl unless you and new girl actually become exclusive
 
D

donkey show

Member
WascallyWabbit said:
I feel you, I'm an Asian dude living in Texas. Though I should feel lucky to be in Dallas and not somewhere like El Paso or something.

I wouldn't necessarily break it off with this other girl unless you and new girl actually become exclusive
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LOL, I know that feel as I lived in San Antonio for a bit when I was in the Army, but that's a bit more diverse. xD I'm thinking being an ex-pat has been a little helpful as well in differentiating myself over here.

And yeah, good point. We'll see after this Sunday how it goes, but all signs are pointing to a good place so far. :)
 
D

dutchguyjack

Member
BronzeWolf said:
I suck at OKC.

I wish I could use it better
Click to expand...

I'm okay with the first reply - second gets harder for me. In the first reply I usually just bash on something weird in their profile and ask them an interesting question. Usually that's enough to get a response, given that your profile is okay.
 
R

Rodney McKay

Member
I finally managed to get get two responses after a week or two of messaging people.

I had been seeing someone, but she was so busy with work and school that I hardly saw her once a week (sometimes not even that!). It was a damn shame because she was very hot and actually fun to spend time with, but she was pretty insecure about some of her past relationships.

I actually got two women to respond to messages I sent within the last few days. The only problem is that they seem kinda slow in responding. At least one of them seems like she'd be interested in meeting in person pretty quickly, so that should be nice.
I hope I don't lose either of them before I get a date with them, one's a cute punkish asian chick with very hot tatoos, and the other is a GORGEOUS eastern eurpean woman (seriously looks a bit like Kardashian) who actually seems very smart and educated.

-Mikey- said:
I really need to take this advice. I didn't go in for a kiss even though I thought I should on a second date. That was about 3 weeks ago now. Live and learn I suppose. Doesn't help that I didn't date during my teens. Fuck, who knows when I'll get another date! : /
Click to expand...
I was in the same boat a few years ago. Got my first real date ever on OKC when I was 22. We dated for WEEKS and I never went in for a kiss, even when she got a tiny bit tipsy and kissed me on the neck. It was embarrassing how terrified I was about it, haha. Even the next woman I met I didn't work up the courage until about the 4th date, even with HEAVY hints from her before then.
I still need to work on going in for the first date or second date kiss, but I'm not nearly as bad as it used to be for me.
 
B

Bluemongoose

Neo Member
dutchguyjack said:
I would suggest to describe the 'First Date' in more detail, and be a little more original than dinner. Also, why do you feel you need to make her have a good time? You need to have fun as well, and I think that's the kind of message you'd want to convey. Not that she's having fun, but that the date in general is fun for the both of you. I would also suggest you take the "we'll take it from there" out, as it can come across as a bit too sexual. Finally, I'd check my grammar and general quality of writing, I noticed a few mistakes on a quick glance, so I'd expect there to be quite a few. Bad writing, punctuation and grammar are an instant turn off for most people, as it's generally (often incorrectly) associated with lower intelligence. You look like a smart guy - reflect that in the way you write.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the feedback, dutch. I'm definitely not going to make the same mistakes. I just saw your profile. Nice.
 
S

Shotgun Kiss

Member
Just thought I'd post an update, but first my original post as a reference/reminder:

Shotgun Kiss said:
About two weeks ago, due to circumstances I won't go into here, I found myself super depressed in regards to being single. So I took to OKCupid and sent out a ton of messages (I've used it sparingly for years, but barely sent anybody anything, and one single meetup was the most that came from it).

As a result, I'm now currently in back-and-forth messaging with six girls, three of which have given me their number and said they'd be willing to meet up for drinks. I met up with one today, and things went quite well. I texted her afterwards to say I had a good time, and she responded saying she enjoyed it, and that I'm good company.

I feel like there could be something there if I pursue it, but I kind of want to at least meet these other girls. Does that make me an asshole? I would never dream of seeing other girls after committing to somebody, but at what point am I committed to this first girl? I definitely don't want to lead her on. I didn't make any "moves" or anything, but I'm pretty positive she viewed it as an actual date. At one point, when she was telling me something that loosely pertained to her ex-boyfriend, she acknowledged that mentioning him was a faux-pas.

I've never been in a situation even remotely like this before, and I don't want to hurt anybody, but at the same time, I don't want to close any doors I may later regret.
Click to expand...

I met up with a third girl today. We went for something to eat, and then to a museum. I had a good time, but still not as good as the first girl. Unlike the second girl though, I might be interested in seeing her again depending on how things go with the first.

On Sunday, I'm meeting up with a fourth during the day, and having a second date with the first in the evening. If things go well on that second date, I'll probably pursue that exclusively.
 
A

Ashodin

Member
Well Saturday is the big date - I leave the place that's been my home for several years and make the final journey - wherein I will be driving down to our new apartment and starting our new life together.

It's been really amazing these five months, and I couldn't have done it without using these websites (POF, Okcupid, Geek2Geek). I want everyone in this thread to know that your dream of finding someone is never over until you say it's over, and encourage you to keep trying your luck.

It's all about confidence and tenacity.

Don't give up!

There is someone for everyone.
 
U

UFRA

Member
Ashodin said:
Well Saturday is the big date - I leave the place that's been my home for several years and make the final journey - wherein I will be driving down to our new apartment and starting our new life together.

It's been really amazing these five months, and I couldn't have done it without using these websites (POF, Okcupid, Geek2Geek). I want everyone in this thread to know that your dream of finding someone is never over until you say it's over, and encourage you to keep trying your luck.

It's all about confidence and tenacity.

Don't give up!

There is someone for everyone.
Click to expand...

You sound like me before I moved in with my last girlfriend.

Good luck, that's all I will say. Nothing will change your mind at this point.
 
P

polyh3dron

Banned
rugioh said:
Wanted to follow up on this. We went out again Saturday and things went REALLY REALLY well... We made out for a bit so I got past the physical contact hurdle. Just wanted to report back and say don't give up hope GAF! Basically noone replied to my messages until I ran into her, so its normal if you go through dryspells. You'll eventually run into who you're looking for if you put in the time.
Click to expand...

what's up with the avatar there junior
 
D

dralla

Member
dralla said:
that's really funny, I just sent her a message saying "sent that to the wrong person I guess", and she replied back, 'Don't be smarmy' haha. What's weird is we follow each other on instagram, I think it's time I take her off, shits about to get REAL

edit. I say, 'dont worry, it happens'. she says 'no in this case, love ;)'

THE PLOT THICKENS
Click to expand...

Yea, so met this girl last night actually. Once we started texting for real I started noticing that she was a little on the clingy side and wanted to jump into a relationship right away. She was talking about cuddling with me, setting up second dates, meeting friends..all before even meeting me. But she was fun to talk to, so I meet her, we went to see Gatsby, and a movie is never a great idea for a first meet up , but whatever, we didn't have lots of options. Yea, she's just not easy to talk to, she doesn't ask questions that much, she just kinda blurts out random things, it's weird. She told me she didn't even read my profile and only looked at my pics, which is kind of a turn off. She was a decent looking but not sure if I'm physically attracted to her in that way. Favorite part of the night was the Lana Del Rey song in Gatsby, ughhh so good.

I'll probably meet her again, see if it goes any better. Plus, I like to tell people I'm not interested to their face, I feel weird texting that.
 
M

Miragith

Member
So there's a girl from OKC that I've been texting with back and forth for about a week or so, but I don't think it's going anywhere. She's kind of boring.

I signed up for Match.com just for fun and have really hit it off with the first girl I met on there. She's coming over my place on Sunday to watch Star Trek since she's never seen it before. Then we'll go see the sequel later that evening or the next day. We'll see how it goes!
 
A

Ashodin

Member
dralla said:
Yea, so met this girl last night actually. Once we started texting for real I started noticing that she was a little on the clingy side and wanted to jump into a relationship right away. She was talking about cuddling with me, setting up second dates, meeting friends..all before even meeting me. But she was fun to talk to, so I meet her, we went to see Gatsby, and a movie is never a great idea for a first meet up , but whatever, we didn't have lots of options. Yea, she's just not easy to talk to, she doesn't ask questions that much, she just kinda blurts out random things, it's weird. She told me she didn't even read my profile and only looked at my pics, which is kind of a turn off. She was a decent looking but not sure if I'm physically attracted to her in that way. Favorite part of the night was the Lana Del Rey song in Gatsby, ughhh so good.

I'll probably meet her again, see if it goes any better. Plus, I like to tell people I'm not interested to their face, I feel weird texting that.
Click to expand...

As weird as it sounds, she kinda just wants you in the sack I think
 
D

dralla

Member
Not weird at all, when someone starts talking cuddling and making second date dinner plans before you even meet them, I think it's pretty obvious lol. Not to mention her body language during the movie. It's the perfect example of why I don't get super flirty before with girls before I meet them, don't know how it's gonna be when you actually meet them. I'll meet her again and see how it goes, get a better feel for her, but it's not looking too promising lol.
 
R

Rodney McKay

Member
So if you start to message someone and they don't respond, how long should you wait before checking if they're still interested?

I've messaged people that have taken 5 days to get back to me (i just wrote her off after a few days), but there someone who seems awesome and did respond to my last message (and asked some stuff for me to answer) but she hasn't gotten back in a few days even though she's been online since then.

Does sending a quick "I didn't scare you away did I? :) " kind of message after 3 days seem like I'm being desperate?
 
S

Shotgun Kiss

Member
Rodney McKay said:
So if you start to message someone and they don't respond, how long should you wait before checking if they're still interested?

I've messaged people that have taken 5 days to get back to me (i just wrote her off after a few days), but there someone who seems awesome and did respond to my last message (and asked some stuff for me to answer) but she hasn't gotten back in a few days even though she's been online since then.

Does sending a quick "I didn't scare you away did I? :) " kind of message after 3 days seem like I'm being desperate?
Click to expand...

I tend to wait 5 days to a week. I usually send something along the lines of: "I figured I'd ask again if you were up for chatting sometimes, as it never hurts to try. :)"

I'll be honest, it's never got a response out of anyone who hadn't responded anyway, but what have you got to lose, if she wasn't going to reply to begin with?


NIGHT- said:
Using the line "are you a beaver? Cause dam..!!" Has been working all day lol
Click to expand...

Seriously? I would have assumed that most girls would just roll their eyes. I'm pretty sure most girls get tons of one-liners, and even if you do get a response, how often do you get a real conversation sprout from that?

Personally, all of the messages I send out are relatively lengthy, comment on stuff in their profile, and have a couple of questions in there (again, pertaining to stuff in their profile). That opens up a conversation if they choose to reply, and shows that you're actually identifying with them. If nothing else, it shows you've actually read their profile, rather than just sent them a message after looking at their photos.

I think it works, as I tend to get responses from about two thirds of the girls I contact. About three quarters, if you don't count some that haven't been online in ages, but I decided to try anyway.
 
R

Rodney McKay

Member
Finally got a new photo uploaded on my profile. I hardly ever seem to get good shots of myself, but I managed it at a friend's birthday party recently.

Hopefully that will help get me a few more views. Haven't had too many lately outside of people I specifically messaged myself.
 
V

vatstep

This poster pulses with an appeal so broad the typical restraints of our societies fall by the wayside.
Rodney McKay said:
So if you start to message someone and they don't respond, how long should you wait before checking if they're still interested?

I've messaged people that have taken 5 days to get back to me (i just wrote her off after a few days), but there someone who seems awesome and did respond to my last message (and asked some stuff for me to answer) but she hasn't gotten back in a few days even though she's been online since then.

Does sending a quick "I didn't scare you away did I? :) " kind of message after 3 days seem like I'm being desperate?
Click to expand...
I've never done this and probably never would (seems desperate, but that's just me), but three days seems really quick to send a follow-up. Wait a week, I'd say.
 
U

UFRA

Member
Rodney McKay said:
So if you start to message someone and they don't respond, how long should you wait before checking if they're still interested?

I've messaged people that have taken 5 days to get back to me (i just wrote her off after a few days), but there someone who seems awesome and did respond to my last message (and asked some stuff for me to answer) but she hasn't gotten back in a few days even though she's been online since then.

Does sending a quick "I didn't scare you away did I? :) " kind of message after 3 days seem like I'm being desperate?
Click to expand...

Don't do that. It makes the other person feel awkward as hell.
 
L

Leeness

Member
Loooooool someone in my quiver match thing recently, the first line of his profile was:

"In my 25 years of dealing with the fairer sex, I've become completely disillusioned with women. In coming here, I'm mostly trying to find one I can stand for more than a day".

Bestill my beating heart.
 
stn

stn

Member
I never follow up if some girl stops messaging me. If she wants to talk to me...she will. Not only that, but I wouldn't want to talk to her if she's put me on the back-burner.
 
Z

Zozz

Banned
So I been talking to this cute girl from Canada since Thursdays, she's down here with some friends visiting Minneapolis for the weekend, looking for that D.

This is gonna be good.
 
J

johnny_park

Member
I just messaged a girl this morning. First message I sent was: do you want to get coffee and talk.
She said yes and gave me her number. That was the easiest number I got.
 
C

Cow Mengde

Banned
Leeness said:
Loooooool someone in my quiver match thing recently, the first line of his profile was:

"In my 25 years of dealing with the fairer sex, I've become completely disillusioned with women. In coming here, I'm mostly trying to find one I can stand for more than a day".

Bestill my beating heart.
Click to expand...

See, read people's profiles like this should lift your spirits. These are just a bunch of miserable bitter people you can gladly ignore.
 
S

SirButterstick

Banned
Had my third date with the second girl I met on OKC after Blowjob Queen. She's amazing, and I think we're going to become a thing :) Feeling pretty high right now.
 
S

Shotgun Kiss

Member
People who have been following me on this thread will know that a while back I sent out shitloads of messages on OKCupid because I went through a bout of depression over a girl in real life.

Basically, that girl was somebody I fell for hard, and asked out. She had just got out of a serious relationship though, and needed space (I know for fact that was true). I planned on asking her out again after a while, but while I was on holiday for a week, she started seeing a friend of mine. Who I was about to move in with, and now do. I'd never felt so rotten in my life. And I had no choice but to bear it, as calling him out or discussing this with him would only make things awkward (he learned later that I asked her out, but he doesn't know how upset I was).

Out of loneliness and desperation, I sent out a bunch of messages on OKC. Regular posters here will already know this, but I met quite a few girls in the last couple of weeks, but hit it off really well with one in particular. We had a second date planned for last Thursday, but she had to reschedule, as she forgot about a work dinner/party. We've been texting each other all week though, and had a lot of fun. We rescheduled the second date for tonight.

I got a text from her this morning telling me that she's met somebody else, and really clicked, so she's cancelling.

I don't know what to do, or where to turn. I'm tired of putting on a brave face, and pretending I'm happy. And I'm constantly around my roommate who makes me feel worse, especially when the first girl I care about is over. It's not like I can talk to either of them about this, even though I consider both of them friends.

I wish I hadn't moved into this place, I wish I hadn't met either of them, I wish I hadn't went on holiday, and right now I wish I hadn't been born. I'm 27, and I've never been in any kind of relationship. Rather than sitting on my ass, I went out of my way to really try this time. But it still made no difference.

I'm sick of being alone. Of seeing friends every day and smiling and pretending everything is OK, when I've been miserable for a while. This second girl helped me slowly recover from the first one, but now I'm back to where I was before. Worse, even, I'm a wreck. I'm truly scared that I might do something in a moment of weakness.
 
L

Liu Kang Baking A Pie

Member
You had a date that went well and you think you may kill yourself rather than taking that as a hint that you are a cool person who girls like. Okay.

I've had about 20 women in my life choose someone else over me. Whatever. You know you can click with a person, so find someone.
 
S

Shotgun Kiss

Member
Liu Kang Baking A Pie said:
You had a date that went well and you think you may kill yourself rather than taking that as a hint that you are a cool person who girls like. Okay.

I've had about 20 women in my life choose someone else over me. Whatever. You know you can click with a person, so find someone.
Click to expand...

I didn't mean killing myself. I'm scared I might flip out around my roommate or something, which would just make the whole situation worse.

If I didn't live with him, and have his (and her) presence as a constant reminder, I wouldn't feel half as bad.
 
stn

stn

Member
How realistic is moving out? But really, don't let relationships get you down like that. I'd advise you to pick up some hobby you like really fast...and stick to it! You need to occupy your time to keep your mind off negative thoughts. Keep going out with girls from OKC and see what works.

Also, regarding your age. Who cares? You're not in a race against anyone, do things at your own pace. The thing is that YOU need to believe this. Some people bloom late, myself in particular. Didn't get laid or first kiss 'til 21, didn't do well in school 'til that very same age. I'm also 27 now. I've had some messed up situations with women but I just let them pass. In six years I turned my whole life around, now I study law and feel I have a good head on my shoulders.

I admit I'm prone to day-dreaming about certain girls, certain situations, and I wonder sometimes if I could have changed some things - but its never impacted my performance negatively. Its a given that you'll be mentally depleted, depressed, and angry, but make sure you put a smile on the moment you exit your house.

They're just women, dude. Just women.
 
-tetsuo-

-tetsuo-

Unlimited Capacity
Shotgun Kiss said:
I didn't mean killing myself. I'm scared I might flip out around my roommate or something, which would just make the whole situation worse.

If I didn't live with him, and have his (and her) presence as a constant reminder, I wouldn't feel half as bad.
Click to expand...

You gotta take it easy, son. It is hard at first dealing with bad shit like this. I have gone through it and I had to help one of my good friends go through it a while ago but you will bounce back. Don't be in a rush to get with someone, it isn't a race. I started up profiles on OKC and POF and was trying to message every girl I could right after I broke up with my girlfriend who I was with for 7 years. Now, it isn't a big deal to me. Time is what it will take, simple as that.
 
V

vatstep

This poster pulses with an appeal so broad the typical restraints of our societies fall by the wayside.
Got back from a pretty good date a while ago. It was ideal, honestly — she lives close by, so we just went for a walk and sat outside for a bit. No need to try and distract ourselves with coffee or food or whatever.

We have a LOT in common, especially personality-wise, and got along really well. While she didn't strike me as shy, I felt like I was doing/leading most of the talking, which isn't preferable, but it went okay — no awkwardness resulted. I just generally suck in social situations with strangers since I'm pretty bad at initiating conversations and small talk. It's easier in one-on-one situations than in group settings, though.
 
S

Shotgun Kiss

Member
I feel a bit better now. It was the shock of it more than anything. It brought up all the feelings and depression I had only just recovered from.

I'm still obviously not 100%, but at least I'm not in a state of self-loathing anymore. My emotions tend to fluctuate wildly on a day to day basis though, so we'll see how long that lasts, but right now I'm OK.
 
D

donkey show

Member
So... date 3 yesterday. This girl is such a fucking tease and I love every minute of it. xD We've been video Skyping pretty much every night prior to today, so we knew we were really into each other, but yesterday really solidified it. We both haven't connected with anyone like this on OKC, so it's been really nice. Now she's going on vacation for 2 weeks. ;__;

Then I got a drunk text from another girl I've been kinda seeing here and there, but not really into from OKC saying she really likes me. WTF terrible timing. :S
 
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