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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!
- Thread starter AlimNassor
- Start date
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Not a Jellyfish
but I am a sheep
Flying Toaster
Member
So I finally got a response from someone which lasted for longer than 2 messages. We went back and forth about our lives for a few messages and I asked if she'd like my number.... she gave me hers! I texted her mine and the next day I texted again asking if she wanted to talk. She was fine with it and we ended up talking for well over an hour, by the end of which I made clear that I was looking to date her. Here she hesitated for a moment but said that I seemed nice and that she'd give me a shot. I asked to meet her for coffee sometime over the weekend and she said yes! I was pretty excited that things had gone so well.
.... Then things went bad. She was still responding to my texts but only later in the evening when I'd sent them over my lunch break. I felt like she was losing interest so I asked if we could talk today and she sent a message basically saying "Yesbut I don't think I can date anyone right now. I understand if you don't want to talk now."
I felt pretty crappy after this, what a lousy way to blow someone off. For some stupid reason associated with my general status as an eternal doormat and partially in an effort to get a more honest response I told her that I was sorry if I came on too strong to which she quickly messaged back something to the effect of "Not at all
Why'd you text to ask if you could talk? Just call. That was a strange move. Not saying that did it but it struck me as odd. It was also strange you said you wanted to date after one convo (if I'm reading this correctly).
With that said, don't automatically assume that story about dating her friend was a lie.
I can't remember if I mentioned it in this thread, but the other day I was talking to my co-worker that used PoF.com and she said she actually saw me on there during the week I had an account, but didn't say anything. I had deleted my PoF account (not because of her, just because I didn't like the site in general). I told her that I use OKC instead. Guess who just popped up in my recent activity...
Whats your percentage?
74% Match
55% Friend
25% Enemy
"Match" was certainly higher than expected, but regardless, I could have already told you that her and I probably aren't compatible though. Probably she'll ask me things in real life about using the site, which I will help her with. Not really going to be awkward since she already knew I'm on there, and I'm sure she's probably already seen my profile (I have anonymous browsing on).
airmangataosenai
Member
I was trying to see what her intent was in being on the site, as in what sort of relationship she was looking for. Through most of our conversation before that we were talking somewhat more in depth about our lives and things we like so I wanted to assert what my intentions were. As for why I texted about wanting to talk, it was because it was the middle of the day and she has classes and I wouldn't be able to talk while I'm at work or just on a short lunch break. I was trying to find a good time for both of us.
RedAssedApe
Banned
I felt pretty crappy after this, what a lousy way to blow someone off. For some stupid reason associated with my general status as an eternal doormat and partially in an effort to get a more honest response I told her that I was sorry if I came on too strong to which she quickly messaged back something to the effect of "Not at all
Sounds like a BS excuse to me. When it comes to the internet I would always assume that a girl is seeing or talking to other guys unless you guys explicitly agree to be exclusive. Considering you haven't even gone on a date with this girl yet I wouldn't get too hung up about it.
What's your template?
Just be yourself, put a good picture, have a good profile filled out, answer lots of questions, and send out personalized messages and you'll get responses.
Tell them I dig their faces then invite them out to the moma.
I do have a tip for you guys though. When you start talking about the first date, don't suggest dinner or drinks. These are job interview dates and are generally horrible. I hate having to talk at a stranger for two hours. It's exhausting.
Instead, suggest a museum or something along those lines where the things around you will spark conversation. The date is basically on autopilot. It's much easier to have a nice time this way and not worry about awkward silences and all that other crap that goes along with dinner dates.
The mere mention of this will get you points because every other guy is suggesting coffee, dinner or drinks. You'll come off as creative and a little different. My best first dates:
Wall climbing
The moma
Zumba class (careful with this one)
Driving range
Al-ibn Kermit
Junior Member
So I finally got a response from someone which lasted for longer than 2 messages. We went back and forth about our lives for a few messages and I asked if she'd like my number.... she gave me hers! I texted her mine and the next day I texted again asking if she wanted to talk. She was fine with it and we ended up talking for well over an hour, by the end of which I made clear that I was looking to date her. Here she hesitated for a moment but said that I seemed nice and that she'd give me a shot. I asked to meet her for coffee sometime over the weekend and she said yes! I was pretty excited that things had gone so well.
.... Then things went bad. She was still responding to my texts but only later in the evening when I'd sent them over my lunch break. I felt like she was losing interest so I asked if we could talk today and she sent a message basically saying "Yes
I felt pretty crappy after this, what a lousy way to blow someone off. For some stupid reason associated with my general status as an eternal doormat and partially in an effort to get a more honest response I told her that I was sorry if I came on too strong to which she quickly messaged back something to the effect of "Not at all
Nah, she probably had some online dates that turned out bad and is just playing it conservatively. I guess she wasn't sure if you two were really meshing together, don't feel too bad.
All the fish in the ocean taste like chicken.
Houston3000
Member
I'm curious... what's your game plan in the MOMA? Are you an Art History major or anything?
I've been there three times, twice with friends, once with family. I don't think I'd be able to have a really intelligent conversation about any of the art in there. I can point out Starry Night and say it's from Van Gogh and maybe point out a couple of Matisse paintings but, overall, most my knowledge is limited. On the same token, I find the Modern "Art" hilariously terrible (shit like blank canvases, a broken stick, TV static, etc.) when I went with friends, laughing at this stuff was the best part... not sure if you find it funny as well but I'm afraid a lot of girls in NYC would find that almost offensive or naive and close minded. I've been debating doing something like that for a first date though.
Besides that, where do you wall climb here? cost?
Mecha_Infantry
Banned
So after wanting to leave the whole online dating I decided to give it one more chance.
Anyway I have two dates lined up for next week. One is more promising as she's into her video games, my type of music, ETC....but I can't say much on here as I'm sure she's on GAF lol. The other one is asking if I like horror movies as she downloaded some and is too scared to watch them by herself. So that might be a house invite!!
But anyway, I hope the video game girl works out as she seems cooler. Not even sure where to take her on the first date. Might have to get creative, maybe an art gallery. But not holding me breath.
Anyway I have two dates lined up for next week. One is more promising as she's into her video games, my type of music, ETC....but I can't say much on here as I'm sure she's on GAF lol. The other one is asking if I like horror movies as she downloaded some and is too scared to watch them by herself. So that might be a house invite!!
But anyway, I hope the video game girl works out as she seems cooler. Not even sure where to take her on the first date. Might have to get creative, maybe an art gallery. But not holding me breath.
MWS Natural
Member
There has to be a direct link between:
1. Having kids.
2. Living at home
3. Cosmetology school
Makes up like 30% of the women on okcupid in my city.
1. Having kids.
2. Living at home
3. Cosmetology school
Makes up like 30% of the women on okcupid in my city.
TheKaeptain
Banned
You're in LA. If you can't get laid there you're a lost cause.
Getting laid here is easy. Finding a decent relationship is not.
TheKaeptain
Banned
BS I know a few people that have found girlfriends after moving there.
Filth
Member
monthly payments.
Well I'm a graphic designer so naturally I'm able to talk about how some of the exhibits relate to my work but I'm not sure that's really a gameplan or even necessary. I find that conversation just sort of happens there. Or it doesn't which is also fine. I never sit there and look at every piece with her. Wander off and find each other. The museum eliminates the need to always be talking. And the moma tends to be varied enough where you'll have plenty of opportunities to say "hey look at this" where you'll have the chance to react to something together. And not all the art there is what you described. But, you're right, some of the exhibits there are a bit ridiculous so I suppose a base interest in art is required. You have to gauge that sort of thing to see if she's even interested.
And I usually climb at Brooklyn boulders. Im not sure what area it is exactly but it's near the atlantic center. You can get day passes there for 22 bucks and just boulder for a fee hours. Top roping can be pricey though. I tend to avoid that. Not sure if you're balla.
KO Traveling Hobo
Member
"I like that profile. Now show me what you are capable of. You cookie cutter motherfucker, you're just like the rest of these dudes safe moist as dudes."
Power Glove
Member
Arcades are fun. Bring your DDR skills to really impress her.
Boozeroony
Member
I brought my very first date to an arcade. It was a great success!
The Anti-Monitor
Banned
Por qué iba a hacerlo?
Let's set up a date in a middle point. The Atlantic Ocean?
Impression time about my whole experience in OKCupid:
I'll focus on the bad and creepy rather than the good, since GAF hates bragging stories
Okay, I only got in this out of curiosity, cause I wanted to see first hand what some of the people here said about girl accounts. I'm not at all interested in a serious relationship and I have no shortage of non-serious ones so I just wanted to see what all the fuzz was about, but willing to give it a try.
Well, let's just say I am glad I never take this kind of place too seriously, it's ridiculously easy to attract the horny crowd. Doesn't matter you have "for new friends" on what you're looking for (didn't know how to change it), everyone assumes you want to cybersex then real sex like immediately.
One guy told me to take pictures on my underwear and send them to him. I admit he was good looking, but after searching with Google turns out that pic was of an Italian model. Another kept giving me crap, accusing me of being a dude pretending to be a girl since my pics all showed up on the Internet (I checked and only one did, and linked to GAF), had to block him since he seemed determined to continue. Said someone so confident had to be faking it. I dunno if that's normal for other girls, but I'm sure as hell it'd be terribly annoying. And I kid you not, even had a "nice guy" white knight who kept trying to speak sense into me about how much of a jerk every other guy talking to me was and how he however respected me. Having never dealt with one of these Nice Guys IRL, I found funny how one showed up in a dating site. And a good chunk thought it was very tactful to tell with every detail what they thought about my pics.
It's not a bad site, and it's definitely easy to meet new people. Hell going with 0 expectatives I ended up with some pretty cool plans. But it's very easy for me to see why more girls don't want anything to do with this sites, and why they don't trust guys easily.
I recommend you guys who are using it to keep up with it, but don't be frustrated when someone is hesitant or has no time to reply to you. Chances are, if they are there for more serious reasons than I was, they're tired as all fuck.
Mecha_Infantry
Banned
Lol I'm a bit too built to be jumping around on the game lol
But good idea, I think I'll take her somewhere near an arcade, then obliterate her on Tekken
Surface of Me
I'm not an NPC. And neither are we.
This is the second time a girl's account disappears after I message them.
Boozeroony
Member
What do you send?
Count Dookkake
Member
lol. I've had that happen when I haven't responded to messages.
How is it easy to get laid in LA exactly?
theignoramus
Member
http://www.okcupid.com/profile?u=Vitrification
this is my profile. I've had 10 visitors since the beginning of the year, last visitor was March 25th, so...yeah, feel free to offer an opinion, lol.
this is my profile. I've had 10 visitors since the beginning of the year, last visitor was March 25th, so...yeah, feel free to offer an opinion, lol.
RedAssedApe
Banned
Its easy to get laid anywhere if you got game. Which to be perfectly honest...most of us don't (myself included).
Not sure what LA has anything to do with it.
Surface of Me
I'm not an NPC. And neither are we.
Dick pic, of course.
Really though, I read their profiles and comment/try to start a conversation about a few things from it.
Ehh, I don't see anything wrong... then again I'm just starting out so I have no idea. I did make sure not to list my salary (I'm the same range as you are) just in case that turned people away for whatever reason.
Exact opposite advice coming from me. Most of the off-the-wall suggestions are said to be looked as silly. I have several friends on the website that turn away those suggestions since they'd hate to be stuck in a "wall-climbing" (insert whatever out of the ordinary idea) for several hours when they could easily go get a drink and bail after the first if the individual sucked.
So I advise only off-the-wall suggestions for the more compatible individuals that others may have had lengthy conversations prior so it's not so awkward.
Wouldn't people visiting your profile or not have NOTHING to do with your actual profile? Because they can't see it until they visit it.
I would say it mainly depends on your profile pic/questions you've answered.
Just started chatting with a chick who lives 3 hours away. She's the first chick who messaged me first AND is very cute and interesting.... so might as well see where it goes. Plus we are a 92% match and only a year apart (me 27, her 26). Most girls I've messaged so far are between 21-24.
theignoramus
Member
nah,you can get a taster of a profile just by using the search function. you're shown just enough that it grabs your attention, a pic and a bit about the person.
I would scrap the whole self-summary for something just a few lines long.
I guess it depends on the person.
That's the kind of stuff l like to do (except for Zumba... That one was a mistake that turned out fun) and if she finds it silly then we wont get along anyway so id be saving myself some time. And if the girl is cynical as to enter a date like jason bourne looking for possible exits the second she sits down then thats just another reason to avoid her. Off-the-wall suggestions are as much a gauge for me as they are a way to look a little different from every other dude who wants to just pour drinks down your throat in an effort to loosen up and ask you how many siblings you have and tell you why he isn't into madmen.
And my advice was very open ended. Im not saying invite them out to Zumba class. I'm saying invite them out somewhere that you wont to have to sit there for two hours trying to impress each other and avoid awkward silences. This could be a number of things.
It helps to do some "thing" every few hours or so. Change something in your profile, answer a question publically etc etc. You end up on the activity wall that way.
Boozeroony
Member
Just made a profile on OKC. The number of cute girls in my area (Netherlands) is pretty low it seems.
As I said, off-the-wall suggestions aren't optimal unless the personalities and interest mesh, and even then, I wouldn't suggest asking an individual out in the first message as many of the first messages that have eager dudes asking for a first date immediately get ignored.
And all of the girls you will go on a date with will have skepticism, no matter how hard you try to not believe it. They all have their backup methods to escape. Text messages and phone calls from friends normally being the go-to method. They have an idea in their head on when to bail, so this shouldn't be looked down upon as it's still two strangers meeting up and having no chemistry/connection should be apparent right away.
I will state that coffee dates are the worst imaginable date options for the first date. Nothing less personable and attractive than sipping on coffee for a short period of time in a small cafe.
The worst advice anyone can provide is that they have to impress someone on a date. That's the wrong way of thinking. They should be looking to have fun, be entertained, laugh and be happy. I have a friend that is on OKC and has went on several dates with dudes who have "tried to impress her" through whatever ways they think is attractive (money, career, who they know, etc) and it never works.
Here are 10 the things I have heard from multiple women on the website complain about:
1 - Crazy date ideas and boring date ideas turn them off
2 - Men not looking like their photo is a regular thing
3 - Men trying to get laid on the first date, and even trying to be forceful.
4 - Bad first kisses that were awkward since many of them weren't looking to have physical interaction on the first date.
5 - Guys who talk about themselves nonstop.
6 - Guys who do too much "humble" bragging, or bragging in general
7 - Men who refuse to pay for the entire date
8 - Stalkerish tendacies where the men try to add them on facebook, twitter, etc to insert themselves into the women's lives immediately.
9 - Men who talk about commitment on the first date.
10 - Men who have terrible first messages -- either too long (more than 3-4 sentences is too long) or too short (Hi, my name is *insert name*)
"if she doesn't reach over and lift up that button, that means she's a selfish broad. And what you're seeing is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her and you dump her fast."
ThisWreckage
Banned
This site takes way too much work if you're a man. I don't feel like taking surveys, answering match compatibility questions, sending out messages, etc. In other words, I don't think online dating has any advantages over approaching a girl in real life. In fact, okcupid is comparable to applying for jobs online.
You can't see the advantage of being able to narrow a large pool of women down to those who meet your baseline standards for attraction?
Who you meet is real life is almost *entirely* random. Who shows up at a party, who you work with, who's friends with whom. You have zero control. The whole point of online dating is to seek out those with whom you have a reasonable probability of romantic success via commonalities, not the happenstance of arbitrary meetings.
ThisWreckage
Banned
It's still too much work. I also think that most people portray themselves differently online than they are in real life. So there's a lot of work to be done on your part and a lot of deception on the part of others.
It also depends on where you live. Large pool? There are a grand total of 30 women on OKC in my area.
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