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[Sadetar]

I even offered to buy him some. It was just sufficiently awkward. Haha.

POF is really boring right now...not much going on.

Awww, poor thing. Men should just rush in to POF just because you are so adorable.

Hahah, and yes, sounds really a creeper. Good that you managed to get rid of him that quickly.

 

[Sadetar]

Ladies, (and gents too, I suppose) can I get some feedback on my profile?

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Apoplexyglass/photos?cf=profile

We are here to help.

I quite much like the photos. Even though I am not sure of the one you are sitting at and doing some computer stuff. You have really nice profile on that one, but your posture is very, very bad. A photo of you sitting with showing your facial profile would be alright, but a computer and bad posture... not so much so.

What comes to your text... I am really not convinced. Your details were actually quite nice and even if I am definitely on the nerdy side, I was put off with your text. It might be just me, but if you keep that, at least you are attracting only very limited section of people (perhaps just that kind of people you are really looking for and don't even mind to have any other kind of company).

Hopefully that wasn't too negative. It seems that you are just being very selective with your profile and if that is ok with you, it's good. If you are not looking for that, just ask more, but I don't bother you with it otherwise.

Do teddy bears qualify for that?

It depends solely of the person and the teddy bear.

It can be alright on its best.

It can also be something else.

And too much is always too much...

...I would recommend not to, if you don't want your girlfriend to change your diapers... or if you are not awesomely cool and have even cooler teddy.

 

[Bleepey]

I didn't say she didn't deserve it!



I read somewhere that ladies love men who have pictures of their pets (maybe only dogs?) on dating sites.

My mate insists on having pics with your grandmother, Swears by it.

 

[Gvaz]

Neat, I'm now a OKC moderator :O

 

[Sadetar]

Neat, I'm now a OKC moderator :O

...and suddenly your life has a meaning.

But no, really, that is nice.

Spoiler

We are being moderated?

 

[Sadetar]

My mate insists on having pics with your grandmother, Swears by it.

Awesome idea.

Come on, shows you like also elder people and that you are kinda like a family man.

Spoiler

Just no.

Also, if you can combine yourself with a teddy bear AND a puppy, DO IT. You will so get all the girls. Think just all the "aaaawwwwwwws" you will be getting if you manage to get a pic of yourself next to something that cute.

 

[Bleepey]

Awesome idea.

Come on, shows you like also elder people and that you are kinda like a family man.

Spoiler

Just no.

Also, if you can combine yourself with a teddy bear AND a puppy, DO IT. You will so get all the girls. Think just all the "aaaawwwwwwws" you will be getting if you manage to get a pic of yourself next to something that cute.

He swears by it. He saw other dude's profiles with their muscles and shirts off and he thought i am a skinny, pale economist. Might as well show my sensitive side with my grandma.

 

[Necrovex]

Neat, I'm now a OKC moderator :O

First good step in becoming a NSA operative!

 

[MR BLACKMAGIK]

Just wanted to throw this out there for anyone in the same situation as me. I posted a while back asking for advice (around post 13,347) about this girl I was talking to on OKC. I wanted advice on how people thought she felt and most were in agreement that she wanted to just be friends and that I should stop if I wanted anything more. Well a few months later and now she's telling me shes ready to be serious and that she was talking to someone else when we were friends but now she appreciates me too much to talk to anyone else.

Just wanted to share that for any guys or gals out there in the same situation, persistence pays off! Were not married or anything, but now were starting to move in the direction I wanted all along.

 

[spuckthew]

Then I had another girl message me out of the blue, who was very impressed that I'm getting my PhD, we made small talk about teaching and what not, and then when I tried to ask her more about herself, she went completely ice cold and never responded to my message.

Same thing happened to me last week. A girl and I were chatting for a little under a week, getting to know each other and making small talk as you do. I sent a pretty standard message back to her last Saturday and I've not heard anything since.

 

[peteykirch]

Ugh, I hope lightning doesn't strike twice but it appears that it just might.

Got another X Rated you Highly Message. Looked over their profile, I was interested, sent her a message, she read it 2 days ago, she's been online everyday since, and no reply.

 

[Jhoan]

Out of pure curiosity, how important men think that the looks are for a girl?

I am not planning to do online dating, but I am just curious about the matter, since all of you all the time talk (ok, you don't, but anyways) that someone is ok looking, having awesome figure or being totally obese.

I've been meaning to respond to this but I've been lurking in the thread. Looks are important to me. If the physical attraction isn't there, but the personality is, I'll befriend them but that's it as shallow as it may sound.

It's not the case with online dating though; I cut off all communication if I wasn't physically attracted to the chick and the and the date didn't go well. I like a chick to have a decent face and a decent body. I don't mind some fat on the stomach because that turns me on as well as thick legs.

The two online dates I've been on have been disappointing. But that's because the women that I've met look much looked different in person than they do in pictures; they both listed "Curvy"/full figured on their profile. Pictures are can be deceiving especially since some are uncomfortable with their body that they only post profiles, close up and medium close up shots. I understand there are women that have curves but not the women I've met unfortunately.

For me, ok looking is if they have a decently attractive face (5-6 if you want to use the "looks scale") and a nice body. Funny enough is I still haven't read that chick's message because she barely has anything on her profile and I'm leaning towards not replying despite the fact that she jumped through one of my message hoops.

And thanks to you, Leeness, and electricshake for your insights on meeting people that were different in person as opposed to online. I always like reading Girl GAF's perspective on dates and stuff like that .

Same thing happened to me last week. A girl and I were chatting for a little under a week, getting to know each other and making small talk as you do. I sent a pretty standard message back to her last Saturday and I've not heard anything since.

Ugh, I hope lightning doesn't strike twice but it appears that it just might.

Got another X Rated you Highly Message. Looked over their profile, I was interested, sent her a message, she read it 2 days ago, she's been online everyday since, and no reply.

To the both of you, the same thing has happened to me and it happens to everyone. Like I always say, women get tons of messages a day; they forget about you as soon as an interesting looking dude comes along and that's it. You can't let it bother you. This chick I hit up rated me 5 stars; I rated back, but she still didn't respond. Her loss.

In a lot of cases lately, maybe the girl procrastinates on replying to the message and gets back to it every 7 days or so. I've read cases of guys on this thread getting a reply back several weeks later! So it does get that crazy which leads me to my update.

So in my last update I mentioned suggesting exchanging numbers with this girl who only responds every 6-7 days upon my brother's advice. Well lo and behold, she obliged and gave it to me today. As a matter of fact, she told me that she's "bad at checking it during the week" so it worked out in the end. I texted her but she told me she's at a concert in another state so I replied. I'm not expecting her to reply back any time soon given that she's busy having fun so I'll set it and forget about it until she does eventually reply. Unlike the last women I went out with, she has a nice face and nice body.

 

[ameratsu]

Went on a date with a girl I met through OKC after messaging back and forth for about a week. We have a really good conversation over coffee, she seemed to find me funny, we agreed on a lot of things, and I thought it was one of the better first dates that I've been on. A few hours later she messages me with formalities (nice talking to you, i am going to do _____ because you convinced me to), but didn't feel the 'chemistry' between us. This concept is nebulous to me, so I kind of just assumed it was a nice way of saying she didn't find me physically attractive.

Feels bad man

 

[Oblivion]

We are here to help.

I quite much like the photos. Even though I am not sure of the one you are sitting at and doing some computer stuff. You have really nice profile on that one, but your posture is very, very bad. A photo of you sitting with showing your facial profile would be alright, but a computer and bad posture... not so much so.

What comes to your text... I am really not convinced. Your details were actually quite nice and even if I am definitely on the nerdy side, I was put off with your text. It might be just me, but if you keep that, at least you are attracting only very limited section of people (perhaps just that kind of people you are really looking for and don't even mind to have any other kind of company).

Hopefully that wasn't too negative. It seems that you are just being very selective with your profile and if that is ok with you, it's good. If you are not looking for that, just ask more, but I don't bother you with it otherwise.

Thanks for the feedback. I actually agree with a lot of your suggestions. Re-reading my profile, I too realized it might not be the most exciting thing to get a woman's attention. Will edit accordingly.

Should I keep that last head shot? i didn't really like the way my hair looks in that, but I thought it captured my face decently.

 

[element]

Ok. I need help. I decided to write about 10 women and actually spent time crafting mails to each one of them, reading their profiles, asking them questions, expressing interest.

Nothing.

I swear my account is flagged or something.

I am totally lost. I tempted to go postal and just tell everyone on the site to go fuck themselves.

I swapped out some photos. I've re-written my profile. I've done long and short mails. I've pretty much tried it all, but nothing. Should I bail on the site and just pay up and head over to match or even worse eharmony?

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

I tempted to go postal and just tell everyone on the site to go fuck themselves.

haha, the entitlement here.

 

[~Kinggi~]

Ok. I need help. I decided to write about 10 women and actually spent time crafting mails to each one of them, reading their profiles, asking them questions, expressing interest.

Nothing.

I swear my account is flagged or something.

I am totally lost. I tempted to go postal and just tell everyone on the site to go fuck themselves.

I swapped out some photos. I've re-written my profile. I've done long and short mails. I've pretty much tried it all, but nothing. Should I bail on the site and just pay up and head over to match or even worse eharmony?

This basically happens to everyone that isnt hot and smexy

 

[element]

haha, the entitlement here.

I wouldn't call it entitlement, it is participation. If you are on the site and someone writes something of some level of thought, take a second and write back.

As much as it sucks, I rather get one "thanks but not thanks" than not even a peep. It just gives me the impression that they are on the site for no reason than an ego boost.

This basically happens to everyone that isnt hot and smexy

Can't be true because I hear about people on here who get mails. I know people who get replies. The site seems to work to some degree with how many members it has. I know that OkCupid system is extremely broken in terms of men trying to find actual connections, but there has to be some real people out there.

 

[~Kinggi~]

I wouldn't call it entitlement, it is participation. If you are on the site and someone writes something of some level of thought, take a second and write back.

As much as it sucks, I rather get one "thanks but not thanks" than not even a peep. It just gives me the impression that they are on the site for no reason than an ego boost.

While that is true, the reason most of them dont respond i imagine is when they do respond you get the crazy guys that respond back and pester them.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

I wouldn't call it entitlement, it is participation. If you are on the site and someone writes something of some level of thought, take a second and write back.

As much as it sucks, I rather get one "thanks but not thanks" than not even a peep. It just gives me the impression that they are on the site for no reason than an ego boost.

Oh, I'm remembering now how you complained half a year ago or so about how you felt you deserved responses because you tried. Sorry dude, this is a lot of entitlement. Good women get a ridiculous amount of messages, and it'd be time-consuming and sad to write back to everyone, even just to say no. And when they do say no, they get some serious hate and male tears to deal with. Haven't you seen the blogs that just collect terrible OkCupid interactions?

 

[element]

Oh, I'm remembering now how you complained half a year ago or so about how you felt you deserved responses because you tried. Sorry dude, this is a lot of entitlement. Good women get a ridiculous amount of messages, and it'd be time-consuming and sad to write back to everyone, even just to say no. And when they do say no, they get some serious hate and male tears to deal with. Haven't you seen the blogs that just collect terrible OkCupid interactions?

I've seen it all. I know about backlash. I look at it as math. You think by random chance that someone would reply.

Also thanks for the coaching. A real help there. Now I'm also a piece of shit here because I am frustrated and looking for advice. Thanks.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Also thanks for the coaching. A real help there.

More entitlement. No one in the world owes you anything.

Look at your responses to us. Knowing this, how in the world would you be able to handle rejection from a woman you actually want?

 

[element]

More entitlement. No one in the world owes you anything.

Look at your responses to us. Knowing this, how in the world would you be able to handle rejection from a woman you actually want?

Thanks again. Now I feel even worse. Come here for advice. Told I'm a loser and the world owes me everything. Fuck you.

Look at your responses to us.

you mean to you. You instantly responded saying "HAHA". How do you expect me to respond? Tip my hat and say you are right and go back to shooting in the dark and hoping for the best.

How about you construct some advice instead of just being a dick.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Thanks again. Now I feel even worse. Come here for advice. Told I'm a loser and the world owes me everything.

You said you wanted to tell everyone to fuck themselves because they won't talk to you. You tell us why you shouldn't be talked to as if you're a loser.

All of us sympathize with your frustration. But we can also all see that you're doing it wrong.

 

[element]

But we can also all see that you're doing it wrong.

What am I doing wrong all wise one? Have you been reading my mails I've been sending?

You provide no insight or advice, you just point and laugh.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

What am I doing wrong all wise one?

Rampant misogyny.

 

[element]

Rampant misogyny.

blatant cunt.

Thanks NeoGAF dating. Seek some type of advice and I get this.

 

[Leeness]

Awww, poor thing. Men should just rush in to POF just because you are so adorable.

Hahah, and yes, sounds really a creeper. Good that you managed to get rid of him that quickly.

I haven't been trying much. When I do that...Meet Me thing, I get some mails. Otherwise not much happens haha.

Yep! Haha. Oh well.

 

[RayStorm]

blatant cunt.

Thanks NeoGAF dating. Seek some type of advice and I get this.

You have to agree, it is fairly tough to give specific advice when you speak in general terms.

Thus as has been said: It's just the nature of the beast that you won't get many replies.
Being frustrated and saddened by that fact is only natural but trust me, there will be a time when you do the same (either don't reply or stop replying in the middle of a conversation). Sometimes life or other opportunities get in the way. Now assume you are a woman and you get more than one mail per day. There's going to come a time when you simply stop bothering.

Also the way you have replied here, even if you felt them unhelpful and attacking, does not shine a good light on you. And if only a tiny bit of that same attitude is resent in what you write to women might artificially curb your reply rate. But again, without you providing more than what you have that's just speculation.

 

[element]

Now assume you are a woman and you get more than one mail per day. There's going to come a time when you simply stop bothering.

I've read the stats of daily inbox counts for women. Partly due to mass mailing and playing the percentages. If a women is getting 50 mails a day, it is understandable that they can't write back to everyone. But it is frustrating when you attempt to provide more than "Hey" or "You are hot" and still no reply.

Also the way you have replied here, even if you felt them unhelpful and attacking, does not shine a good light on you.

Well the "them" is one person who decided to instantly jump on everything I said.

I appreciate you taking the time to write something out. In terms of advice or help, which type of specifics would help?

 

[RayStorm]

I've read the stats of daily inbox counts for women. Partly due to mass mailing and playing the percentages. If a women is getting 50 mails a day, it is understandable that they can't write back to everyone. But it is frustrating when you attempt to provide more than "Hey" or "You are hot" and still no reply.

No doubt it is. But you get used to it after some time, it simply is the way it is. Simply not worth being frustrated over. It's like getting frustrated by water being wet.

Well the "them" is one person who decided to instantly jump on everything I said.

I appreciate you taking the time to write something out. In terms of advice or help, which type of specifics would help?

I meant "them" in reference to the multiple replies, not the poster. But again, I don't see the point of allowing yourself to get aggravated by that.

The only advice I can give you is: chill. Don't take it that hard. There is no point to that.

Specific advice can only be given if you actually post what you have written. And then probably not by me because I don't know that I can offer advice in that regard.

 

[Jhoan]

Ok. I need help. I decided to write about 10 women and actually spent time crafting mails to each one of them, reading their profiles, asking them questions, expressing interest.

Nothing.

I swear my account is flagged or something.

I am totally lost. I tempted to go postal and just tell everyone on the site to go fuck themselves.

I swapped out some photos. I've re-written my profile. I've done long and short mails. I've pretty much tried it all, but nothing. Should I bail on the site and just pay up and head over to match or even worse eharmony?

Yeah good luck with that buddy and let us know how it goes. I'm sure that even then they still won't bother replying to you because it screams frustrated. Women sure as hell won't definitely bother replying to a Negative Nancy. The reality that if you can't accept online dating for what it is, then you may as well back out and meet women through some other means.

A woman not replying doesn't mean the end of the world. Whining about the fact that they owe you a reply even if it's to say no isn't going to solve anything. If you can't shrug off a simple rejection such as not getting a reply back, then chances are you can't handle any type of rejection at all.

The more messages you send out, the less you learn to care about whether a woman responds or not. Like I always say, it's her loss for not giving you chance because you're probably a cool guy.

You've probably done it or will do the same to a woman that sends you a message in the future to that doesn't interest you. Simple as that. Does it mean she's owed a reply despite how much thought she put into the message? Absolutely not. Replying is optional, not mandatory. Either way, she'll take the hint and move on.

You said you wanted to tell everyone to fuck themselves because they won't talk to you. You tell us why you shouldn't be talked to as if you're a loser.

All of us sympathize with your frustration. But we can also all see that you're doing it wrong.

Completely agree. Even with your previous posts.

Listen man, I know the truth hurts and for good reason but please listen to Liu Kang. We're all trying to help each other but complaining "Girl won't reply to me to say me, woe is me" attitude and taking it out on GAF is doing you a disservice.

To echo what RayStorm said, it would help if you post some examples of the types of messages that you've been sending out to women as well as your profile (if you want to) in order us to help you out and give you advice. You want solid advice right off the bat? I'll tell you to keep your head up and keep sending out several messages a day. It's rote but that's the way online dating is; you cast a wide net and hope for the best. If no fish bite, then you try again and again. That's online dating.

 

[Jzero]

These past few days I've been receiving a bunch of messages and i'm like "wtf is going on?" Then i remembered that i just updated my profile and put that i have a job now.

 

[element]

Yeah good luck with that buddy and let us know how it goes. I'm sure that even then they still won't bother replying to you because it screams frustrated. Women sure as hell won't definitely bother replying to a Negative Nancy. The reality that if you can't accept online dating for what it is, then you may as well back out and meet women through some other means.

I think people got a little too caught up with me venting my frustration. Would I go postal? No. Do I get frustrated with the process? Yes.

A woman not replying doesn't mean the end of the world. Whining about the fact that they owe you a reply even if it's to say no isn't going to solve anything. If you can't shrug off a simple rejection such as not getting a reply back, then chances are you can't handle any type of rejection at all.

I think majority of the frustration comes from a pure probability stand point, law of averages if you will. As well as provide hope that it will work sometime. When no one replies it feels like failure and at some point that failure starts to bother you. I compare it to when I played baseball. I'd still feel some level of success when I hit the ball and it led to an out. Still a failure, but at least I made contact.
I'm actually pretty gracious when I do get a rejection note from someone. Typically I shrug my shoulders and move on. If I feel they are missing out I might send a mail of "Best of luck with your search.", but I don't retaliate to make myself feel better. There have been times where someone replies back to me extremely rude "you're fat" or "you're ugly" and that is disappointing.

You've probably done it or will do the same to a woman that sends you a message in the future to that doesn't interest you. Simple as that. Does it mean she's owed a reply despite how much thought she put into the message? Absolutely not. Replying is optional, not mandatory. Either way, she'll take the hint and move on.

Actually I reply to every message I get. Outside of seeking someone romantically I also I seek connection with people to increase my social circle. If I'm not interested in someone I will still send them a mail. If we have something in common I might ask if they are going to a show or something, perhaps we can say hello to each other. I've met some people that way and continue to see them at shows or events, and others see that I'm not interested romantically and don't reply back.

Listen man, I know the truth hurts and for good reason but please listen to Liu Kang.

That I am entitled and misogynistic?

To echo what RayStorm said, it would help if you post some examples of the types of messages that you've been sending out to women

Here are some examples. Please be constructive as I am seeking advice.

If I find someone interesting I try to reference what I found interesting about them in their profile, ask them a question, tell them something about myself. Ask them if they would be interested in doing something.

Jipan I appreciate you taking the time to reply.

A little rant time. I wish OkCupid had polyamorous as a filterable status. I have friends that are into it, but it isn't for me.

 

[Commander Jameson]

Coming from one who's in a similar situation, my thoughts might not be good, but...

The messages look good in that they show you've read their profiles and are interested in them, not just their pictures. It is what everyone says a first message should be, although I'm still to be convinced this is the case.

Personally, I wouldn't have that line at the end about going for a drink. You can do that once you've exchanged a few messages.

Do you find that the people you send messages to actually view your profile and don't reply or just don't reply in the first place?

 

[element]

Personally, I wouldn't have that line at the end about going for a drink. You can do that once you've exchanged a few messages.

That one is give and take at times. I personally want to get out of the OkCupid/any system ASAP. It is so easy for words to become twisted, humor and meaning lost when it comes to email, so I personally like to just break the ice, meet someone and see where it goes. If it doesn't work out at least I am at the bar already

Do you find that the people you send messages to actually view your profile and don't reply or just don't reply in the first place?

It is a mixture. I can't say for certain as accounts aren't publicly flagged anymore if the are A-List (paid) which allows you to view profiles without alerting them. Some view my profile, some don't. If i were to lean one way or the other it is more to not viewing it.

 

[Madrin]

Here are some examples. Please be constructive as I am seeking advice.

[images]

If I find someone interesting I try to reference what I found interesting about them in their profile, ask them a question, tell them something about myself. Ask them if they would be interested in doing something.

Not that I'm an OKC expert, but for what it's worth, the only opening messages of mine that have received responses are the ones that are just one-sentence questions about something in their profiles. I try to pick out something from the profile that seems important to the girl and ask about it. For example if the profile mentions that she likes to write, I ask, "What kind of stuff do you write?" Nothing more. It's brief but at the same time shows that I read her profile.

My mindset is that any girl on the site is being flooded with messages every day, so she won't take the time to read a long wall of text that I send to her. I used to try sending messages that were funny or shared some details about myself, but they never worked. I save that stuff for the follow-up conversation, if one ensues.

 

[Commander Jameson]

Not that I'm an OKC expert, but for what it's worth, the only opening messages of mine that have received responses are the ones that are just one-sentence questions about something in their profiles. I try to pick out something from the profile that seems important to the girl and ask about it. For example if the profile mentions that she likes to write, I ask, "What kind of stuff do you write?" Nothing more. It's brief but at the same time shows that I read her profile.

My mindset is that any girl on the site is being flooded with messages every day, so she won't take the time to read a long wall of text that I send to her. I used to try sending messages that were funny or shared some details about myself, but they never worked. I save that stuff for the follow-up conversation, if one ensues.

That's a really interesting viewpoint. The received wisdom I've heard is 2-3 short paragraphs, but your take makes much more sense.

 

[Sadetar]

I've been meaning to respond to this but I've been lurking in the thread. Looks are important to me. If the physical attraction isn't there, but the personality is, I'll befriend them but that's it as shallow as it may sound.

It's not the case with online dating though; I cut off all communication if I wasn't physically attracted to the chick and the and the date didn't go well. I like a chick to have a decent face and a decent body. I don't mind some fat on the stomach because that turns me on as well as thick legs.

The two online dates I've been on have been disappointing. But that's because the women that I've met look much looked different in person than they do in pictures; they both listed "Curvy"/full figured on their profile. Pictures are can be deceiving especially since some are uncomfortable with their body that they only post profiles, close up and medium close up shots. I understand there are women that have curves but not the women I've met unfortunately.

Well, I do understand that if you don't find a person even remotely sexy/attractive it is quite hard or even impossible to base a relationship on to that. I don't say that looks are everything, but they do play a part.

Also like I have mentioned previously, people define "curvy" totally different. Some people actually see themselves only as "curvy" if they have way bigger friends for example and on the other hand a person with exactly the same type of body would say she is nearly morbidly obese. I am starting to think that on dating sites, it is very reasonable to depand full body shots, even if even those can lie quite much. It is totally possible to take a decent or even a nice photo from a bigger person and just play with lights and angle. Hahha, damn, online dating sounds like gambling were you never know will you win or even if you would, what will you actually get.

For me, ok looking is if they have a decently attractive face (5-6 if you want to use the "looks scale") and a nice body. Funny enough is I still haven't read that chick's message because she barely has anything on her profile and I'm leaning towards not replying despite the fact that she jumped through one of my message hoops.

And thanks to you, Leeness, and electricshake for your insights on meeting people that were different in person as opposed to online. I always like reading Girl GAF's perspective on dates and stuff like that .

Ooh, the legendary look scale. I haven't actually never got my hands on it and can't really say I would be sufficient of rating people with it to be honest. Five to six would be still considered quite normal and not a sexy beast if I am correct...

Do you lads and lassies generally use that scale so should I actually get to know it a bit better? I can't say I would be that enthusiastic about it, since I find it a bit unreliable. I don't know have people been using the same scale, but I think I have been personally ranked anything in between 2 to 8 which makes me doubt it a bit since that is a huge variety. People might just define it a bit different ways I assume.

Even if I don't really get the scale I have noticed that people tend to naturally hunt partners from the same attractiveness level that they are themselves or if possible a bit above that. It is also possible to cheat your level a bit with flattering clothing, nice hair style and right attitude. Keep that in mind.

Oh and I am happy to help or share the little knowledge or experiment I have. At least, like you said, it is froma a bit different point of view. And congratulations for the number by the way! Hopefully it will work out great.

He swears by it. He saw other dude's profiles with their muscles and shirts off and he thought i am a skinny, pale economist. Might as well show my sensitive side with my grandma.

Well, if you hang around with your granny on regular basis and you have photos with her where you are not posing but just chilling, I suppose...

I am still not convinced though.

I haven't been trying much. When I do that...Meet Me thing, I get some mails. Otherwise not much happens haha.

Yep! Haha. Oh well.

I think you are honestly really nice and helpful and I hope you all the luck in the world for your hunt.

[good post asking for advice]

Jipan I appreciate you taking the time to reply.

Agreed, he is here for you lads.

I will reply more on your message. I am at work at the moment, but I definitely look into it later on.

 

[stn]

@element

Keep the messages much more brief. Girls probably get flooded inboxes and people in general lack patience. Also, do not suggest meeting up with the opening message. Many girls like to work up to that in order to become comfortable with you. If you immediately suggest it then they will feel like replying to you will somehow force them to meet up.

 

[Bleepey]

Ok. I need help. I decided to write about 10 women and actually spent time crafting mails to each one of them, reading their profiles, asking them questions, expressing interest.

Nothing.

I swear my account is flagged or something.

I am totally lost. I tempted to go postal and just tell everyone on the site to go fuck themselves.

I swapped out some photos. I've re-written my profile. I've done long and short mails. I've pretty much tried it all, but nothing. Should I bail on the site and just pay up and head over to match or even worse eharmony?

As much as a knob Liu Kang may come across, he's right. Women get more messages than they can count that even if a girl wanted to reply to every message they get sometimes it's just not feasible from a time perspective to reply to 30-400+ messages a day on a dating site. Women hold all the cards in dating and they often are ignorant, ignore or deny their privelege in the dating market. All i can recommend is this:

Remove seeking casual sex on your profile. Even if a girl only wants to fuck, they may find that a turn off. Lord fucking knows why.
Lower your standards somewhat if need be.
Send more messages. like 15+ a day
Don't spend too much time with your messages. This does not mean you send copy and paste messages or just hi. It means you find something unique in their profile, make a joke if you can, and give them an enticing hook to reply if possible.
Have a funny hook in your profile. Something along the lines of "I think you're an uncultured heathen if you eat your burger before your fries"
Maybe weave a witty quote in somewhere. Marilyn Munroe said if you can make a woman laugh you can make her do anything. So i thought i'd make this witty profile in the hope i'd find a girl who likes to laugh and dare i say it date me.
Realise women have more options than you can imagine. Imagine if you had 20+ girls message you a day, ranging from hotties to total undesirables. How picky would you be? I bet you'd probably be picky as fuck.
If you get no replies, brief convos and then they flake. Take a few days off and start again.
If you have muscles, think of a way to show it off without looking like a tool. So maybe wearing a vest whilst on holiday or something. Women may claim muscles are a turn off, but anecdotal evidence and OKCupid themselves claim that topless photos increase response rate exponentially. A non gratuitous topless shot may allow you to get women who may be put off by gratuitous topless photos to respond to you, whilst women who are turned on by it to reply to you.

 

[beanman25]

Not related to online dating, but I tried something for fun last night and it worked.

Wrote my number on a post it note, went for a run, and gave it to the first girl that caught my eye. We are having lunch today, haha.

Most random thing I've ever done, but I guess it was good!

More success in 2 hours then I've had online in a months!

 

[stn]

Topless photos are a huge turn on for women. They just say they're not interested in order to have a more classy image. Sure, you probably won't attract some of the higher class girls out there. But you'll be able to find girls to have a good time.

Most people are horny. Nothing shameful about it, its all natural.

 

[element]

As much as a knob Liu Kang may come across, he's right. Women get more messages than they can count that even if a girl wanted to reply to every message they get sometimes it's just not feasible from a time perspective to reply to 30-400+ messages a day on a dating site.

I'm not debating that at all. Hell I was the one that posted this link explaining the huge disparity between men and women on the site. http://www.zdnet.com/blog/violetblue/ten-fake-profiles-one-okcupid-experiment-okcupid-on-trial/1405
I guess I am a little naive thinking that SOMEONE would reply, even if just to tell me no thanks. Like I said above in baseball terms, a popup is still an out, but at least I hit the ball.

Keep the messages much more brief. Girls probably get flooded inboxes and people in general lack patience. Also, do not suggest meeting up with the opening message. Many girls like to work up to that in order to become comfortable with you. If you immediately suggest it then they will feel like replying to you will somehow force them to meet up.

Sadly that makes me nervous to make it any shorter as while I don't think of myself as ugly or anything, I don't feel that my profile screams "Yeah! I'm going to mail this guy back!" As for the grab a drink, that is more to get out of the system, especially since I live in the city just having a quick meetup is easy. Thought perhaps "drink" could be a negative thing.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

The messages are good in that it shows you read the profile, but they're a bit long, and the most important missing part is charm. Be witty, clever, interesting, etc. You're not giving them something to grab on to.

As corny as it is, imagine how romantic comedies go. Are the women falling for the dude because he's shown he's "read their profile," or is it because he's a charming dweeb that puts himself out there and really impresses her with his wit and poise?

Every message I've ever sent out is 2-3 sentences with a solid joke. If I don't have a joke, even if it's just an awful one that's going to make her groan, I don't write. Witty banter is the easiest way in to anyone's thoughts.

 

[Madrin]

Sadly that makes me nervous to make it any shorter as while I don't think of myself as ugly or anything, I don't feel that my profile screams "Yeah! I'm going to mail this guy back!"

Well you might want to work on your profile if even you yourself don't think it's good. I made my profile funny but I keep my opening messages brief, because I consider my profile to be an extension of my opening message. I've had girls respond to me and refer to a specific part of my profile that made them laugh or smile but had nothing to do with the question in my message.

 

[Sadetar]

Not related to online dating, but I tried something for fun last night and it worked.

Wrote my number on a post it note, went for a run, and gave it to the first girl that caught my eye. We are having lunch today, haha.

Most random thing I've ever done, but I guess it was good!

More success in 2 hours then I've had online in a months!

Hahah, congratulations kitty! Well done!

With all honesty, that sounds like a brilliant way to go. Imaginative and puts you in a very good light from the beginning. It just screams you are outgoing and fit. My oh my, why people haven't thought of that before.

I remember when I was in Liverpool and living next to Birkenhead Park it was so easy to go for jogging and working out to the park. I met so many awesome people in there and it was like the highlight of my day, if someone said that I looked fit (which I am not) or said that they would definitely buy me a drink (they didn't give their number). But anyways, my point was that jogging/running and working out outside are awesome times to meet new people and talk with them easily, especially if they are doing the same as you. (I need to add, that every damn woman appreciates that someone says that they look fit/good while they are working out, totally sweaty and feeling like an old style steam engine. They would generally fall in love with anybody who said that.)

I'm not debating that at all. Hell I was the one that posted this link explaining the huge disparity between men and women on the site. http://www.zdnet.com/blog/violetblue/ten-fake-profiles-one-okcupid-experiment-okcupid-on-trial/1405
I guess I am a little naive thinking that SOMEONE would reply, even if just to tell me no thanks. Like I said above in baseball terms, a popup is still an out, but at least I hit the ball.

Sadly that makes me nervous to make it any shorter as while I don't think of myself as ugly or anything, I don't feel that my profile screams "Yeah! I'm going to mail this guy back!" As for the grab a drink, that is more to get out of the system, especially since I live in the city just having a quick meetup is easy. Thought perhaps "drink" could be a negative thing.

I haven't actually read that article before. Thank you, it was very informative, even if it quite much included that kind of things I was expecting to read.

What kind of profile picture do you by the way have? That is like your business card, so it should be as good as possible. If you want our opinion on that, just link your profile. I am sure we would provide our insight of how good it is or that could you change it to something more flattering. We can also check through your profile text, if you think yourself it needs something fresh.

Like said before, asking a girl out on the first message is a really bad tactic. They most likely don't want to get out of the system before knowing you a bit more.

Oh, and now when we are talking about messages I could actually share my message insight based on Xbox. I get random messages quite often, even if my gamertag doesn't scream female at all and despite I play mainly BF series. I have got around 9-10

Spoiler

(lost count at one point)

random cock photos

Spoiler

(what on earth people are thinking when they send those)

from people

Spoiler

(thus I changed my profile to say "Just call me Bob)

. Thank god that isn't all I am getting

Spoiler

(even if I would be perfectly happy without any totally random messages on Xbox)

and there have been quite many witty and silly ones as well. I must say that I remember the silly ones the best, even if some of them have been totally insane. Those are also the only ones, that I have bothered to answer back which has couple times lead to messages back and forth and them ending up to my friends list. Nothing beats a random friendly banter. I don't know will the same work on online dating sites, but all in all I would say that it helps if you manage to sound witty and plaufyl and are less official and playing it safe. Say something random and surprising so she hasn't heard it thousand time already.

 

[~Kinggi~]

Ive concluded cupid (from a guy's perspective), besides being a waste of time for most guys, is really only useful in two doses.

One is where the girls are young, 18-26 or so, and want to have fun. Cupid gives them the illusion of a lot of choice and so the concept of finding the perfect guy means they arent going to settle for even a guy they really enjoyed. So this means they use the site longer than a normal guy and is really only useful in messaging these girls if you want casual fun.

Then you have the older ladies that are looking for the 'good' guy and actually want to settle down. I find most of these girls are in their 30s and despite the desire to settle, they are still falling into the trap of having a lot of choice so they keep skipping along to the next guy, maybe even making more of an effort to carry multiples just in case others fall through.

This isnt like the romantic comedies where two people meet and they like each other and decide to become couples. Thats a very minute portion of the population. The friends at work who have managed relationships from cupid are in their mid-30s and arent super hot or anything. Those folk tend to have the best shot.

Im not saying all fit into this category but its a landslide margin to the point where its just a lot of luck for a lot of effort. And with that im deleting my account. Goddamn waste of time.

 

[Sadetar]

Thanks for the feedback. I actually agree with a lot of your suggestions. Re-reading my profile, I too realized it might not be the most exciting thing to get a woman's attention. Will edit accordingly.

Should I keep that last head shot? i didn't really like the way my hair looks in that, but I thought it captured my face decently.

Dammit. I was planning to write to you earlier on, but it seems I deleted that message. My mistake.

The hair isn't bad at all on the last photo, it is a bit blurry shot though, but all in all I still think you should keep it.

If you want couple quick ideas based on what I thought of your text here you go. I don't know if it is a good think to talk about wanting to be in a creative department for tv seriers or so (even if it would be really likely for you to manage to do that), it makes you sound like a 14-year-old little boy wanting to create a mmorpg on his own. I would recommend of dropping it out. Your comment along the lines that "oh my, I like a whole lot of different things and good at in all of those since I am so awesome, heh" needs also quite much working, even if playfulness and even a certain level of cheekyness is interesting in my opinion. You should also think do you want to really underline your nerdyness or will you just let it come as a side product of your absolutely smashing life.

Just send us a link, when you have edited your text...

Spoiler

you are awesome, I like you, don't take that feedback too negative

.
.
.
As a sidenote it just came to my mind that when I myself try to sweet talk people to come with me or do something I want, I am honestly not at all serious

Spoiler

(ok, ok, I rarely am in general either)

and I think it works quite well.

I checked do I have any English writings at the moment and I found this. I don't know will this help anybody, but I thought I could send an example of my normal writing style, when I want something. So if you are interested, here is the message I sent to my colleagues whose names I remembered well enough to send them an email when I was finishing my work in UK.

Hello everybody,

Thank you so much for making my time in Liverpool totally smashing! These three months with you have been one of the best periods in my life - and that is quite much to say, since I am quite convinced that my life is generally quite awesome to begin with.

I am definitely going to miss all of you and also the city of Liverpool as well as the adorable silly locals that I sadly need to leave behind - no more surprising compliments, free drinks or random poems. Next week's Friday (31.5.) will be my last working day for NML and I thought it would also be a good excuse to lure you into a bar. I will be going for one (or two or couple depending of the company, that said I will be drinking a whole lot, if I end up there totally alone) to All Bar One ( http://www.allbarone.co.uk/all-bar-one-liverpool/ ) after work around 5pm. It would be absolutely magnificent, if you could come and join me.

If you already know that you are able to come and entertain me with your lovely personality, could you please just send me a quick reply. Also if you know, you can't make it, it would be really nice, if you could let me know it beforehand. If you just don't know yet, no need to worry though: you can still feel free to pop in there any time, it is totally unofficial happening.

It was by the way surprisingly hard to try to create a list of all the awesome people I have been working with during these three months I have had the pleasure to be in here. If you think there is someone who you think should be invited as well, please, do share this message. Also if you aren't really sure, who this message is from and a redhead Finnish doesn't really ring any bells, I am truly sorry for spamming your email... and you are still warmly welcome to meet me, while you still have the chance!

Also if you are interested and you happen to use facebook, feel free to add me there as well. You can find for example a photo album of my epic UK trip in there. or if you want, you can just ask a direct link to it from me.

So Friday 31st of May everybody come to All Bar One after work to celebrate and say goodbye!

Totally in love with you all
Xxxxxxx

Oh, and a fair warning to the end: be prepared to be hugged and photographed.

Like I said, I don't know will that help anybody, but at least it can't hurt of posting it to here and if it can create any thoughts of different styles you could use in a profile, it would have served its purpose in here.

Now I just hope that my sleepy eyes managed to spot all personal info, emails and phone numbers and so on. If you notice those, just say to me and I edit it.

 

[Shotgun Kiss]

For people struggling with OKCupid, I strongly recommend Match.com. Yes, you have to pay for it, but for that reason, I think it's more useful, as people there are a bit more serious (in other words, fewer people just there to boost their ego, much more likely to get responses, people are more willing to actually go out for drinks, etc).

I used OK Cupid for about six months, and while I had plenty of first dates, there were tons of girls who either didn't reply, or stopped replying after a while. Also, I didn't get much of a "date" vibe from many of the girls I met; it felt more like friendly drinks.

I started using Match.com a little over a month ago, and got chatting to three girls rather quickly. I ended up grabbing a meal/drinks with two of them, the second of which I hit it off with really well, and have just returned from a third date with her.

Of course, it could be coincidence, but I think it makes sense that a paid site would have users that take things more seriously.